Popstar (2005)

[bunniefuu]

Ok, guys.
All right, talent is moving. Here we go.

How you doing man?

You feel good?

A little nervous.

Aw, come on. Come on.

Here's the brush.
Just a little bit. Ok.

All right guys. Love you.

All right. take it easy. Packed.

Is it?
Yeah.

Don't worry. You're gonna be great. You're gonna be great.

Oh, my God.

Here we go.

Let's do it.

To say I know JD McQueen is both an understatement and an overstatement.

I know everything about him. Born december 7. Favorite color red.

youngest solo artist to have sixtten top forty hits.

I could go on and on.

But I don't actually know him.
I've never even seen him.

To me, he's a poster, an autograph, a CD.

It's like he's not a real person cause he's too...perfect.

Real people have real problems.

My biggest problem is smart kids aren't cool.

It's a universal truth.

They're the geeks of the high school class system.

What' up, London?
Arigato,Tokyo!

Frankfurt, let me hear you scream as loud as you can!

Honney, lose the gum.

Hey, J.D.?
Wake up, man.

Oh, what's up?
The tour is done.

The album's a hit.
The single's top ten.

That should make the record company happy, right?

We're home.

But this is where I spend most of my time.

And this is where I work.

The Commence.
Hey, Harv.

Hey Henrietta.
Hi, kiddo. What's the good word?

Uh, school, I guess.

Huh. School. Ha ha ha.
When I was your age that would've been the last thing I said.

That's for sure.

And this is my best friend Abby.

What's up, Jane?
She sees the good in everything.

So, how's the "Abby wants a car fund"?

Not too good. What'd your parents say?

My dad says that if I can get a car he'll pay for the insurance which means that I need to find a car for $ 411,77.

You hear that some super freak got a perfect score on their S.A.T?

Yeah. What a geek.
Probably some total loser with no life.

Sounds pretty accurate.
You're not a loser and you have a life.

I know-- a boring one.

Yo, Joe Cool, we need to talk

Now.

Timmy, go do your homework.
You have no idea how much that school for gifted geeks sucks.

Homework, now.
J.D,tell her to let me go to a regular school.

Speaking of regular school I've decided to revoke your privilege of being home schooled for one teeny, tiny reason.
You're failing.

So what? I'm a pop star!!

No more special treatment.

You are gonna be a normal kid at a normal high school.

You can't send me to a public school, mom! I'm a celebrity!

Ooh! Wll, it's done... and if you don't pass, it means summer school.

And that means no summer tour.

No. No way. I'm just gonna go live with Dad in New York.

Oh, really? Well, for once he and I actually agree on something.

Look, we're both worried about how things could turn out for you, Joey.

You guys are watching way too much "Behind the music."
Oh, you don't even want to know how bad it can get.

Grant, what are you doing here?
Well, your mom called and asked me to stop by.

Will you tell her not to do this to me, please?
Hey, I'm your manager, not your parent.

Besides, I think she's doing the right thing.
Think about your fans.

You're a role model to thousands of kids.

Yeah, and for once, try to think about your future.
Think about the great publicity.

How you expect to write a whole novel if you can't finish page one?

I wonder if Jane Austen had this much trouble.

Write about yourself.
Who would want to read about me?

Who would want to be me?
Well, then write a scary story.

You're still afraid of the dark.
I'm not.
Are, too.

Besides, I like romantic stories.
Well, you've never even had a boyfriend.

I'm waiting for the perfect match.
I am so tired of that perfect match stuff.

A relationship with anyone other than your perfect match is bound to end in heartche. I mean, look at my sister.

Ever since Tommy broke up with her she hasn't come out of her room.

She was stood up at the altar on her wedding day in front of everybody she knows.

She should've waited for her perfect match.

Mr. Perfect could walt through that door right now and you'd start quizzing him on the Pythagorean theorem or whatever.

Jane,you need to lighten up.

I think he's cute.

Well, oops, I guess.
Haha! Brain freak.

Whatever! Come on.
Ha Ha! Oh, my God. Oh.

Welcome to calculus, Mr. McQueen.

This is a testing so please choose a seat, and you can study quietly.

Are you all right?
No. I just hate tests.

All right, pencils down. Please leave your tests face down on your desks as you leave.
Kevin, would you see me after class?

You know my rule-- cheaters don't get second chances.
J.D, will you relax?

You just need some help with your school work.
Come on.

You don't understand. I've had tutors. They don't help me.

No,no, no. I'm not talking about a tutor -- like, an assistant.

Find the smartest girl in school and ask her to help you out.

You're saying I should hook up with a smart girl and cheat off her?

No, I'm saying it takes someone in high school to help you with high school.

Now, I gotta go and meet this new genius at the record label and you gotta get back to school, all right?

All right, man. I'll catch you later.
All right, man.

Do your job.
Take care.
See you.

He's even cuter in person.
I hope he doesn't run for student body president.

Pop rock wuss.

Oh, he's totally dateble.

If he hits on my girlfriend, she'll dump me.

I have finally found what I've been looking for.

Oh my God. That is exactly hat my dad said when he met his fouth wife.

I'm talking about me and J.D. McQueen.

Now, that would be a tight fit.
Whitney, you may rule in this school,

but J.D...
Being with J.D. will make me legendary, beyond this stupied little high school.

I guarantee it.
Hi, Bobett. Uh, you want to go yo prom?

With me?
Ha ha ha ha!

Ok, I now that must've taken a lot of guts given that I'm one of prettiest girls in school

and you're... wll, you.
ASo, uh, let me think about it, ok?

Ok, yeah.

Ok, so I just thought about ir, and, yeah, no. Ew.

Why do you have to be so nice to everyone?
I'm not.

Judge not those who try and fail but those that fail to try.

Is that J.D. McQueen?
Oh, it's him.Does that kid go to our high school?
I can't believe he's here.

Talk to him!
He's so sexy.

I'm gonna go talk to him.
Do it.

How do I look?
You are so hot. Oh, my God. I'm so glad you're my friend.

Wish me luck.

Hi J.D.
My name is Whitney Alison.

Know what double-A stands for?

Small battery?
Heh Heh. No. It means you can call me anytime, anywhere.

Oricand si oriunde.

Hey, where'd my soda go?

Did I eat already? What--

You should talk to him.

He doesn't want to talk to me.

You're right, and you'd better stay away from him because he's mine.

Whitney, shouldn't you be in some teacher's office begging for a passing grade?

Well, I wouldn't have to if it wasn't for Miss Brain Freak.

Dar ea mi-a stricat tot planul.
Ai vrut sa copiezi tot de la mine.

My 68 would be a "C" instead of a "D" but she ruined the curve.

A grading curve ensures fairness. If your 68 had been the highest grade it would've been an "A".
Well, if everyone would cooperate and get a 68, then we'd all get "A"s.

So, if everyone got a "D", everyone would get an "A"?

That' not a curve.

Brain freak, you woul not know a curve if you had two rolls of toilet paper and a water bra.
Brace face.

Excuse me, sir. Could you help me for a second?
They gave me a key to my locker but I can't find it. Being a pop star it's kind of hard to keep track of this kind os stuff.

It's that one.

This is your locker?
Heh. I'm a huge fan of me.

To whom much is given, much is expected.

Want to quench your thist?
Be like J.D. McQueen. Drink Crystal Geyser.
He's so cute.

I'm starting a lemonade stand.
Mmm. Tanks.

That'll be $1,00.
Uh, let me give you a tip. Get the money first.

I'll get it. maybe it's someone who's thirsty.

Hey, cutie. Got a date for the prom?

Oh, I hate when that happens.

She fainted. Don't worry. Happens all the time.

We should keep her feet elevated. That'd probably be best.

Uh..uh... My-- my name is--is--is--

Take your time. It'll come to you.

Oh, um, I found this at school and it had your address in it so I thought I'd bring it back to you.

Where was it?
Um, it was over by the lockers.

I like this room. It looks just like mine, but, uh... it doesn't have all the pictures of me on the wall.

I like it. It's nice.
It's cool-- my kind of room.

You ok?

Hey, slleping princess, are you awake?

Definitely my kind of room.
My-my dad and my psycho step-mom are due back soon.

Is that her?
Oh, that's my real mom.

Oh. Divorce?
Mine, too.

Does Abby want to stay for dinner?
Hey, that is weird. I thought I paid that.

We're gonna have pizza and...

Holy cow.
Pizza and holy cow? Sounds yummy.

Mmm, that smells good.

Oh, hey, honey.

Wow. I thought tonight was pizza night.

Jane has a boy over for dinner -- J.D. McQueen.

J.D McQeen?
Sounds sketchy.

So, Shady, tell me a little about yourself.
Actually, it's, uh, J.D.

Um, that's "J" period "D" period.
Oh, I see.

Well, not "I" period "C" period, but I see... period.

What does J.D. stand for?
I don't like my real name.

J.B., have you made your plans for college yet?
Sunshine here got a perfect score on her S.A.T.'s a lot of early acceptances--

Stanford, Harvard, Yale, U.C Berkley.
Um, no, actually, I haven't seen it.

I meant "U" period "C" period Berkeley.

Jane here got a full scholarship.

I'm not sure college is for me. I'm gonna be working, so--

Ah, money's a little tight, huh, son?

Well, if you want to make your mark on this world you must get a college degree.

Heh. Dad's just saying that because he's been teaching at "S" period "C" cperiod "U" period for a very long period.

Mari Havercorn got her period.

So, can I call you?
Sure.

I'm at my dad's on Thursdays and Fridays and alternating weekends and Wednesdays, and I'm at my mom's...

Here, take this.

Now we're connected.

Jane?

Hell?Jane?

Don't stay up too late tonight, all right?

I know.
I know you know.

I just... want to remind you.

What are you working on?

Can I help?
I don't need your help.

You don't need my help. Ok.

You know, just once, I wish that you did.

Good night.

Ah,Sunshine. You know I've never interfered in your love life.

I've never had a love life.
Yes, but you're going places.

This kid, he's headed nowhere.
He's only the hottest pop star.

Oh, I'm sure he's made tons of money playing in all the finest garages over the city.

Between song royalties, product endorsements, and concert revenues, he makes over $10 milion a year.

In the words of your generation, "Yeah, right."

"I wish my boobs were bigger"?
No, no,no.

Not that one. The other one.

"J.D McQueen adds Australia to summer world tour."

"J" period "D" period?

Did I ever tell you I hate walking to school?
It's better than the idiots on the bus.

Don't enter a wet T-shirt contest. You'll never win.
Guys!

Geeks!

I really hate walking to school.

Now what?

Hey, you girls want a ride?
My name is--is--

Take your time. It'll come to you.

Let's go.

Jane. did I leave my shades at your house?
Cause I can't find them.

Is it OK if I walk you to class? I don't want to piss your boyfriend off.

I don't have a boyfriend.
I was just checking.

You want to hook up Saturday?
I need to study.

I'll tell you what. All the good cartoons are over by 11:00.

At noon I'll pick you up, we'll get some lunch and after that, we'll crack a book together.

What you say?
Whay me?

Because I think you're special.
After you.

It doesn't make any sense. Why me?
Jane, he thinks you're special.

Hello? Go for it.
Yeah, but J.D. could have any girl he wants.

Go for it.

A four- leaf clover.
It's a sign, Jane.

It means something wonderful is right in front of you.
Kick it! Over here! Got it!
Pass the ball!

Your dad gave me three great girls so I say he was a perfect match.

Was it psycho Diane?

It wasn't Diane. And wasn't your father.

It was me. I thought you both knew that.

Oh, Chrismas day?

Yep. Your dad said, "Honey, the turkey seems a bit dry this year."

Well, he had a point.
Thank you, Heh.

Anyway, I, uh... I went crazy.

I remember.

It's just..I had these fantasies about what my life was supposed tobe like.

And when my destiny and my fantasy turned out to be two different things,

it was easy to blame your father.
I'm afraid of making a mistake and messing up my destiny.

The definition od destiny prevents that from happening.

What about a twist of fate?
Like when you miss a bus, and it changes your whole life.

Fate loves the fearless.
What's that supposed to mean?

You have to be out there trying to catch the bus in the first place.

Do you have a special place?
My earlobes.

A girl nibbles on them, and it's, like, wow.

No! A special place, like Mount Olympus.

Mount what?
Greek mythology.

Mount Olympus is where Zeus, the king of gods held court.
This is my special place. I come here to study, write, dream.

What do you dream about?
Stupid stuff.

I highly doubt that.

But this-- this is stupid stuff.

O mean, have you ever heard anybody say "If I could find the derivative of 2x-squared plus 5 I could make my house payments?"

I love math.
Everyting is right or wrong.

It's black or white.
It's precise, pure. It's perfect.

All right. I'm fired up. Let's do some cool math stuff. You ready?

Now, so think of a fuction as a box.

You plug in different values for "X" and you get different values for "Y".

Oh. So, then you graph the "X" and then "Y" axis.

Exactly.
So, on problem number twelve as "X" increases,"Y"...

Decreases.
Good. Ha ha.

All right, um, let's do problem number four.
Ok, let's try four.

I got it!
Hold on one seceond.

All right, let me see this.
They're a perfect match.

Oh, this is a beautiful car.
And it's your favorite color.

How'd you know that?

I know a lot about you.

Wanna drive it?
Oh, I'm not a very good driver.

I hit a deer last Deember, and I haven't driven since.
That's not your fault.

They jump in front of cars all the time.
Not when they're attached to Santa Claus and sevem plastic reindeer.

You had an accident. Practice makes perfect.
I've never driven a Porsche before.

It's time to learn.

OK.

I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before.
Driving's like a math equation. There's a formula to it.

All right, step on the brake. Start it up.

Put it in drive. Let's go.

Oh, no. I broke your car.
No, you haven't. Press the brake.

I'll put it in gear for you.

Hit it.

Wow, this is so much better than math.

Cool. It's my first text message.

"What's your favorite color?"
Red. Heh.

"Good night,Jane."

"Sleep...tight... J.D."

Why did I write "Sleep tight?"
That's just stupid. what does that mean?

He must-- he must think I'm an idiot.
Who knew text messaging would be so stressful?

Hey, Abby. What?
Heh.

"Jane, I tought this would look good on you. J.D."

He bought me a car?
He's J.D. McQueen. To him, buying a car is like buying a pair of sneakers.

He bought me a car?
Not just any car. a Porsche.
Come on!

Hey, Jane. Nice car.

Hi, Jane.
Hey, Jane. Nice car.

Did I ever tell you-- I love driving to school.

J.D, is this for real?
Unless you want a different color.

I don't understand. Why?
You needed a car. I wanted to help you out.

Maybe someday you could help me out, too.

I gotta go to work.
All right. Me too. I'll see you later. Bye.

Hey, come on.

Let's do this.

OK.

Hello. What's your name?

Anna.

Hey.

I called your insurance agent and told him about my new car.
Um, dad, you remember you said if I got a car you'd pay for my insurance?

Oh, good. You remember.

Ok, come right here.

Whoo!!

Are you ok?

Hi,Jane.

What's up,Jane?

What's going on, Jane?

Do you remember me?
Hey, Jane.

She still has braces.She's still a geek.
Say, was that your high school helper I saw today at the autograph thing?

Heh heh. Yeah. Her name is Jane Brighton.
She showed me her special place.

Behind the earlobes?
She call it her Mount Olympus.

I've never heard it called that before.
It's a park bench down by the beach.

We go there. We just hang out.

We talk. We do math.
Great, see?

I told you this high school thing was gonna be a breeze.

Not exactly, Grant.
I have a math test tomorrow. Tere's just something I hate about taking tests.
Yeah, the questions.

What happened? Are you sick?

I've been puking all morning. Hey, how was the test? Was it hard?

Um, nah, we just had to graph a non-linear function-- "S" times cosine "Y".

Did you use the mean value theorem to solve that one?

Exactly.
Oh,uh, I almost forgot.

Mr. Thomas has a policy about no make-up exams so the final will be 100% of your grade.

J.D?
I'm starting to feel sick again.

And you've been listening to the very hot J.D. McQueen.
He's actually gonna be in the studio joining us shortly, and I'm tell--

Oh, hey, there he is.
What's going on?

Speak of the good-looking devil, and in he walks.
Look at you. Give me some of this.
What's going on?

Have a little of this. Mwah.Mwah.
Don't be jealous, girls.

You were just voted by Teen People as one of the fifty most beautiful people in the world.

I know. It was an honor, you know?
Were you excited?

It was a little weird. Ha ha. You Know?
Yeah. Everybody has been calling all day.

All the girls want to know about you and your personal life.

And I heard a few rumors lately that you might have a girlfriend. Is that true?

Uh, it's been really good.
I have a really good relationship with a girl-a friend and, you know, we're having a good time and she's helping me out a lot, so...

Oh, I don't want to drop a b*mb here...

but I think that certain someone could be a certain London Sheridan.

Ring any bells?

My relationship with London is special.

Really special?Come on, our listeners want to know. How special is it?
They want to know that they have a chance.

We get along. We do get along.
Aha. So, you're friends, but, like, kissing friends.

London and I have a special relationship.
Ah. Well, you know what, listeners? We're gonna find out all about that relationship.

We'ew gonna take a break, and then we're gonna dump...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Why did you ditch me yesterday?

Let me call you right back, all right?
Who was that, London?

No. She has a high squeaky voice.
What makes your relationship with her so special?

I don't know. I mean, we come from the same kind of world ans he's not same loser user.

Well, I'm not a loser, and I'm not a user.

Why don't you go back to your famous world where everyone's so special?

I didn't mean it that way!

J.D! J.D.!

J.D, we love you!

J.D!I love you!

J.D, wait!

I'm just a normal guy.

Well, almost, but not quite.
Now, listen, I got the press here.

I want lots of smiles, lots of smiles.
Come on, come on, come on. Let's go. Lot's of smiles. Positive.

J.D, what's it like to be in public school again?

Well, I've actually never been to public school before but I'm excited to be here.

You know, I want to make some new friends and do really good in my school work and maybe even find a date for the prom.

You'll have no trouble doing that.

But howis this affcting your songwriting?

It's kind os hard to deal with right now, you know? Because, you know, I'm back in school, and... but it will be dealt with soon.

So, is mom happy now that you're back in school?

She is now.
Thanks very much, fellas. Thank you, guys.
Tanks, J.D.

Are you interested?
Oh, I am more than interested.

I'm not talking some tabloid puff story about my date with J.D. McQueen.

I'm talking about the stuff that goes on after and I'll provite photos.

Of what?
Of me.

I want the article to feature photos of me. And I want to be on the cover.
Well, if you want a cover story, you have to uncover a story.

Heh. Done.

This isn't a home. It's a hotel.

"Do not disturb"

Scumbag.

I think that's one word.

So.. how long you been singing?

About three weeks.

Diamonds are forever.
Keep in touch.

So.. how's it going?

A little writer's block.

This high school thing isn't gonna be a problem, is it?

I sure hope not.
Great, cause it just wouldn't be the same

managing someone else.
Someone else?

Grant, it'll just be the summer tour I'll miss.
Not according to your record label.

If you're not out on tour this summer you're out--

period.

What do you mean, period?

J.D, the music industry is a factory.

You and every other artist are on their conveyor belt.

It's a business, and avery business is about making money.

As far as they're concerned, it's record, tour, and sell...

or else you're finished.

Are you serious?
I promised I would never lie to you.

Tanks.

Yeah.

Asa ca, gandeste-te la asta.

So, just...just think about, ok?
See you later, partner.

You gave him back the car?
Are you serious?

He's not my perfect match.
He's one of Teen People's fifty hottest.

His news album is climbing the charts.
What's wrong with you?

Come here.

Tell the story again.
Oh, we've told you a hundred times.

No,no. come on, one more time for Abby.

Ok. Well, it was New York City

and was May

Just thinking of that day makes me thirsty.

My friend Sally called me and her new beau had this friend I should come over and meet.

I dind't rven want to go out that day but I made a promise to my pal Ray.

Your friend was totally psychic. She knews you two were destined to be together.

Friend? No. On our way to the subway Henrietta popped into the five and dime to get a soda.

And there was this handsome man behind the counter.
I promised Ray I would cover his shift at the soda fountain.

That soda was the best drink I ever had.
Aw.

Tanks. See?

Speaking of which, would you like to get a soda?

I'd love to.
Want to share one?

No, I want one of my own.

See? That's how it happens.
A perfect match.

No heartbreak, no divorse, no lonely nights at home watching sappy romance movies.

You came uo with this whole perfect match stuff because you're afraid of failing at relationships.

You're boyfriend-aphobic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keep the change.
I've never even seen a $ 100-bill before.

Gee, you can free refills for life.
Oh, that's great. Tanks.

Hey, Jane. You know, most people just want to be friends with me cause I'm famous.

Lucky you.
Not really.

I'm a pop star, which means that at any time, pop, it's all over.

Then someone else is popular and anyone who likes J.D. McQueen is a total geek.

I'm already a geek.

The truth is, you're from a completely different world.
Imean, everybody recognizes you.

Everybody likes you.
Everyone knows you.

But I don't know enyone. I mean, think about it.
The only person I really know is you.

So, when did your parents get divorced?
Six years ago, Christmas day.

Heh. So, they wanted to ruin every Christmas for the rest your life?

I don't think they planned it.
Mom got mad.

Dad got a turkey on his lap and everything else on his head.

You know, two years ago, my parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

And I just told them I wanted them to stop fighting, and my dad moved out later that night.

I did not need this today.

Dad, what's the matter?

Oh, God.
Diane's not home yet I got a lecture in ten minutes, and the car won't start.

Take Jane's car.

You sure?
Yeah, sure.

Oh, thanks.

Carry on.
Bye, Dad.

So, what are you doing Saturday night?
Oh, PBS is running this series on the American presidents.

Dang. I was kind of hoping I could take you out.
I'll tape it.

OK.
Men can't resist a flat tummy. Isometric hold for ten seconds.


Now lay flat on your back.

You got that part down.

Did you hear Mr. Thomas gave kevin an "F"?

I heard. That totally sucks he got caught cheating.

No, it sucls that he cheated, not that he got caught.
Ask anyone who cheats. Is it the cheating

or getting caught that sucks?

Cheaters suck.
And ten more seconds.

I hate my smile.
Oh, no, a zit!

I do it the old-fashioned way.

Ow!
Sorry. Ha ha ha.
God.

Jane, you need to be careful.
At some point, this fairy tale is gonna end.

It' not like you're gonna marry him and tou're not prepared for heartbreak.

What are you talking about?
J.D. and I are just friends and that's all we're gonna be-- just friends.

Honey, I'm home.
How was your show, dear?

Exhausting.
We did three encores and Grant needs all the new songs by Monday so I'll be busy this weekened.

Well, this will make you feel better. I made your favorite -- cream pie.
You are just perfect.

I hope there's enough for everyone.
I brought some freinds over.

Come on in, girls.

You're Jane, right?
I'm Grant Powers, J.D.'s manager and trust me, taking care of things is what I do best.

J.D. sent you?

It's time for you to get off work and for us to go do a little shopping.

This must be wrong.
Jane, come here.

How about that?
No way. I'd be totally afraid to wear that.

It looks really expensive.
Jane, it's time to be fearless.

I don't think J.D. would like that.
Heh. Trust me.

And as far as the price goes... I told you I'm here t otake care of things, right?

You are gonna blow J.D.'s mind when he sees you in this dress.
I feel like Im in a fairy tale.

Yeah? How about lunch?
Oh, no. I'm late for an appointment. I got to go.

Wait, Jane, your stuff.

Oh. I'm sorry. I got to go. I'm really late.

Jane, have a great time.

Poor kid.

Thanks.

Oh, this is so exciting.
Samantha, qill you get your sister, please?
Jane!

Thank you, Sam. Thank you.

Hi J.D.
Hi.
Jane's almost ready. Come on in.

Hey, will you take Jane to her dad's tonight after your date?
Yeah, no problem.

Thank you.

You look, uh, uh..

Take your time. It'll come to you!

Ok, you kids be safe.
Behave.

Bye, Jane.
See you guys later. Bye.

I've never been in a limo before.

This is so cool.
It's no big deal. You get used to it after a while.

So, where are we going?
We are going to the music awards.

The what?
The music awards. It's cool.

This isn't really happening.

Guys, come on, come on.
J.D., J.D., can I have you for a minute? Hey, man, love the new album.

Thank you very much. I appreciate that.
I notice you briught a girl here to the awards. What's the relationship?

Well, she's a good friend.
Any comment on your relatinship with London?

Another good friend.Hey, man, variety-- it'd the spice of life.

Well, it's good to be J.D. McQueen.

Jane?

So, did you have a good time tonight?
Are you kidding me? It was incredible.

Hey, I'm sorry I had to keep leaving you to do those interviews.

It's just all part of the business.
Well, I'm sorry that you didn't win.

Next year, it'll be you.Yeah. Maybe, maybe not.

Oh, my toe.
Dad, you're an idiot.

I never noticed, but you have a great smile.

Imi place e foart dragut.
No, I hate it.

No, I like it. It's cute.
You have this thing.
In my teeth?

No. This thing that breaks me down.

Jane, I'm two different people.

J.D. is this amazing, super cool, supert confident kid.
He's the guy all the girls want.

But when I'm with you I'm just plain old Joe McQueen.
I like Joe.

Well, I don't. There's nothing special about Joe right down to the name.
What's wrong with the name Joe?
Average Joe, Joe Schmoe, Joe Blow.

Ok, Ok, ook, You don't like my smile.
That's my point. Joe loves your smile.

I love your smile. Really, I do.

Jane, do me a favor. Please don't tell anybody about this.
I want to keep it our secret.

I can't believe it!
You're in Teen People!

Ha ha ha! Let's read it. Whoo!

"Variety is the spice of life?"

So, what's going on with you and the super freak?
She's telling everyone you guys are soul mates.

I think I heard something about a wedding as soon as you turn eighteen.

What?
You're mad. I can tell.

I'm not mad.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.

J.D, dif you gave me a chance I would treat you like a king.

Come on, I already told everybody you're taking me to the prom.
No, thanks.

I put my entire high school reputation on the line.
I'm sorry, Whitney.

Fine. You leave me no choice. If you don't ask me out I'll tell everyone you're a lip syncer.

You know that's not true.
Tell it t othe tabloids bacause that's gonna be quite a story.

Look, all I'm asking for is one night with the J.D McQueen.

In my twenty-three years as a janitor I've seen spray paint krazy glue, graffiti, gum.

I've never serrn anything like this.

Now, here's an item that no J.D. fan should be without.

That's right, J.D.'s locker.
Does anyone want it? $ 100.
I take 100.
$100.

J.D. is diciding who he's gonna ask to prom at this very moment.
And who's he gonna pick? Me.

What about Jane Brighton?
When school's finished...she is finished

You're right. She won't be here next year like you.

Whitney, will go to prom with me?

Hi. Uh, Justin. I realize you're, like, the hottest girl in school.

I probably shouldn't even try asking you...

but a wise man once told me that the... um... the true losers in life

are not who, uh, try ahn fail but those who fail to try.

So, uh, you--you want t ogo to the prom with me, Whitney?

Yes.
You will?

If you do three things.
OK.
Lose thirty pounds, grow six inches, then win the lottery ahd give all the money.

What was that first thing?

Get lost.

Seriously.
Let's go.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so I had it twice.

I trew up.
Are you all right?

It's the grades that aren't all right.
A-B-C-D...F.

Why'd they skip "E"?
Because failure starts with "F".

Yeah, but "C" is for average, which starts with an "A".
And "A" is for excellent, which starts with an "E". And "D" is for below average, which atarts with a "B".

And "B" is for above average, which starts with an "A".

Think about it. "F" is the only one that makes sense.
You're burning up.

My point is, grades are just so stupid. They don't make sence.
Jane, if I don't get an answer to a question, is it OK--

It's ok. Just skip it and then go back to it. You'll do fine.

You right, you right.

I can do this.

Turn your tests over and begin.

What was that?
Wat?

I saw you. You cheated off me.
Jane! Shh! Keep quiet!

This was your plan all along.
Everything was a lie.

I shouldn't seen this a mile away.
"Here's the car. How about a date? Even a kiss?" All I have to do is let you copy off of me and not say anything.

What if you had gotten caught?
Mr. Thomas would've thought that I was helping you. I would've gotten suspended. I would've lost my scholarships.

But you don't care, do you?
Listen, I get nervous when I take tests.

Next thing, you're gonna tell me that you have stage fright.
No, it only happens when I take tests.

My whole body freezes up.

I'm so stupied.
You're not stupied. I cheated because I have to pass my classes--

I don't care why. You cheated.
Who cheated?

He cheated on me with another girl.
But now I know of person he is...

I don't ever want to see him again.

You know what makes a diamond?
Is this one of those stories where I'm a lump pf coal?

Tha flaws, Jane. It's the flaws that make life precious.
I understand. You're saying J.D. was a mistake.

No. No. I'm saying don't be afraid of mistakes.

Listen, if it weren't for the bad times the good times wouldn't seem so good.
Now, as for me, I'm gonna go to the salon.

It's a good idea.
OK.

And now for tody's showcase special. That's right.
For $ 100, I've got J.D.'s gym--
Hey! You little--
Run, everybody.

What do you think you're doing?
Where do you think you're going?

Don't you think it's messed up tp sell my shorts for $ 100?
Yeah, I do. I could get 200, easy.

I hate this stupid school.
If you can't change the wind, adjust your sail

What's that supposed to mean?
You can't change the influences of those around you but you can change the way you respond.

Heh. So, you're saying I should take control.

Mr. Thomas?
There's something I have to tell you.

J.D told Mr. Thomas he cheated off you and Mr. Thomas flunked him.

I don't believe it.
Why would he do that?

Why do you care? You once said "It's the cheating not the getting caught that sucks."
Remember?

Do you really think there's such a thing as fear of tests?
Yeah, right. Testophobia?

Testophobia is for real.
Just because is on internet doesn't mean it's real.

Hey, Sam. Is Jane home?
She's not here.

I really messed up, huh?
I have to go to school.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

I think I love her, Sam.

For show and tell, I was gonna bring some owl puke I found...

but I think this is one better.

Please welcome J.D McQueen.
singer, dancer, songwriter and my friend.

Hi, J.D.!
Hi, J.D.!

What's it like when every girl wants to kiss you?

That's not true. Is it?
What's it like being J.D McQueen?

Well, being an atertainer is a lot like any job.

There's deadlines, bosses, and a lot of pressure.

You gotta remember, it is a business.
But being J.D. McQueen is a lot easier than being Joe McQueen.

You see, J.D.-- he's just an act. But Joe-- he's the guy who has to pick up all the pieces when the screaming stops.

Who's Joe?
I am.

A.J., do you have a question?
J.D., can I have your autograph?

Autographs are $ 3,00, a picture with J.D. is 10 and kisses are 20.

Kisses?
This is way better than my lemonade stand.

Simply put, it's the fear of tanking tests.
It's what therapists call a social phobia or anxiety disorder.

So, someone can perform in front of thousands of people ans still have fear of tests?

Yes, is happens. A lot of people get performance anxiety. It just takes on different forms.
Dr. Brighton, your 4:00 appointment is here.

Have him wait. This is important.

So, some entertainers get chronic panic attacks so severe that the become physically ill with headaches, fever, even vomiting.

That sounds like J.D. right before the test.

Thanks, Diane. I really appreciate it.
You're welcome. I'm glad I could help.

Yeah, that's great, Stevie. We'll, uh, we'll get back to you, ok?
Mr. Powers, the next audition's here. I'm sending him in.

Mr Thomas?
I know why J.D. cheated.

No sob stories, Miss Brighton.
He knows the material. He just freezes up on the tests.

This matter has nothing to do with you.
This matter has everything to do with me.

I know exactly what it's like to stress out about a test.
I mean, to be afraid that you're gonna do your best and that you're gonna get the right answer?

But, Jane, those feelings are perfectly normal.
Perfectly normal. Heh. Thanks.

Because God knows if I wanted t obe normal I'd to be perfectly normal.
I'm obsessed with perfection with finding the perfect boyfriend, with picking the perfect school.

Mr. Thomas, I got a perfect 1600 on my S.A.T.'s.
People don't call me perfectly normal. Thay call me a freak.

J.D is the opposite side of that coin.
I fire up for tests, he freezes.

Give J.D. a second chance.
You know my rule.

You taught. He learned.
I can prove that.

J.D just needs to be in his special place.

Grades have to be in by final bell today.
Any proving has to be done before then.

Yes?
Mrs. McQueen, J.D. needs to be at Mr. Thomas' office by 2:00.

Joe is at the airport. He's gone to New York to see his dad.

The airport?

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on, people, move!

All I know is, your mom said to pick you up at the executive terminal and to get your butt back to school.

Up there is a pretty scary place for most o us.
But Jane seems to think it's your special place.

So, what'd you think?
Pretty difficult.

Ought to be. It's a test to weigh first-year college calculus.

Well, Jane's not gonna like this very much.

You did better than she did.
I did?

Yes!

Here.

It's from Grant.

"J.D McQueen interview".?

Another good friend. Hey, man-- variety. It's the spice of life.

Well, it's good to be J.D. McQueen.
Now, a lot of girls want to know what would it take to be your perfect girl?

Well, she'd have to be realy smart and a good friend but there's algo this--this thing.
This thing?

This thing, I love this one girl's smile. I really do.
I mean, she's amazing.

Listen, I gotta go. It was nice talking to you.
Whoa, sounds pretty heavy.

It wasn't all a lie.
How come that wasn't in the article?

Cause that's not J.D. talking. Tha's Joe.

I want you to wear this.

Oh. Mom. I can't wear that. That's yours.

Every princess needs a necklace.
And a lady in waiting.

And...a chaperon.
Oh, Mary! You look so gorgeous!

Ladies and gentlemen,
J.D McQueen.

What's up, everybody? How y'all doing out there?
You feel good?

Jane, uh, are you out there?

You picked her over me?

How can you do that?? Ohh! Stop it!

Whitney Addison wears a water bra!

Listen, everyone, I'm kicking off summer tour right here, right now, in my hometown.

But if it weren't for some very special people the only thing I'd be kicking off this summer is my shoes.

First off, I'd like to thank my parents...

for always making sure I did my best and not letting me cheat myself out of my full potencial.

Most importantly, I'd like to thank Jane Brightman.

You taught me everything.
Thank you.

Is this seat taken?
Uh,no, please. Ha ha. It's all yours.

The kid's pretty good, isn't he?
Excellent. And he's cute, too.

That kid's got talent.

Justin. My names's Justin.
I used t odate a guy named Justin. My name's London.

Dating many girls makes the heart feel old.
Finding the right woman makes it feel young again.

Uh, did you hear that there's prom coming up?
I never got to go to my prom. I was actually really bummed.

Really? Wll,uh... would you--Idon't know--would you like to go with me?

Sure, that sounds great.
Ohh! Heh!

Hi, I'm Grant-- J.D.'s manager.
I'm Faith--Jane's mom.

I was just gonna go get a soda.
You want one?

I'd live one.
That could be the best soda she ever had.

Where have you been? We haven't seen you since the wedding.

Oh, I'm sorry.
It's OK.

It's not your fault. Um, I'm just not ready to be out yet.
I,uh, I need to go home.

Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today's a gift.

That's why it's called the present.

I always knew you'd do well on the test.
You just needed to be in your own special place.

Actually onstage in front of a whole bunch of empty seats that's my biggest fear.

If I can ace the test there, I can ace the test anywhere.

It's because of you I passed.
Heh. And I finished writing my first story because of you.

Really?
What's it about?

It's a fairy tale about a high school girl who falls in love with a prince.

Don't tell me. They get married, they fell in love, and they live happily--
No, I dont know about that.

Well, how does it end?
With a kiss.

A kiss that could last a lifetime.