Roxy Hunter and the Secret of the Shaman (2008)

[bunniefuu]

Hello?

Anybody there?

But Tanaka could see by her eyes

that her place was here
with her grandmother.

The curse had been lifted.

The spirits had been appeased.

Andy was cutting through the marsh
so he wouldn't get caught in the rain.

Instead, he nearly got caught
by the monster of the Black Marsh.

No way.

What did it look like?

It was covered in roots and moss,

in green, slimy pond scum,

and salamanders crawled
from its black, dead eyes.

That's baloney.

Why do you think Andy's not here today?

Will you three chowderheads
be quiet, puh-lease?

Hey, why don't you be quiet?

Yeah, Hoxy Runter!

So sad.

Two brothers born with only one brain.

What's your problem?

My problem is your lack of culture.

I consider Mr Red Deer
the Joyce James of children's literature,

- and your constant nattering...
- Ms Hunter!

But Ms Slaussen, I was simply...

You will simply sit and listen quietly.

Otherwise, you will be
asked to leave, again.

You have my sincerest apology,

O great and mighty writer.

No problem.

'And so, once more,

with only his trusted wolf
Swift Foot at his side,

Tanaka moved towards the far horizon

as the sinking sun brushed the sky

with fire. '

The End.

Bravo! Bravo! Author! Author!

Thank you.

- Okay, what's your name?
- Warren.

Warren.
Okay, there you go, Warren.

'Happy readin'.

How you doing, sir?

And don't forget, tell your parents
to visit LorneRedDeer. Com...

and click on Tanaka's tepee
and see all the merchandise available.

There you go.

Good to see you again.

And this month,
you buy three Tanaka books,

you get a free Tanaka keychain.

Mr Red Deer, I'm Roxy Hunter.

I just want to say
what an honour it is to meet you.

Oh, Roxy Hunter.
Why does that name seem familiar?

I have written you on the odd occasion...


In my last letter,
I outlined a new character

I thought the Tanaka series needed.

Oh, that Roxy Hunter.

Her name is Princess Roxyhana,

an Iroquois warrioress
and near-orphan.

Anyway, I'd love to describe it
in greater detail, but before we do...

would you just mind signing...
here, here, and here?

What is this?

A friendly little
'nondisposure' contract.

Excuse me?

A legal thingy guaranteeing
my rights in 'perpetuosity'.

You know those pesky lawyers.

Heaven forbid Princess Roxyhana
show up in your next book

without my name on the cover.

Right.

Well, I'll just take a look at this later.

A fan, eh? Good.

Roxy Hunter.

And so, her life fading quickly,
her wounds too much to bear,

Princess Roxyhana struggles on.

Must warn village.

Got to... save them.

Unable to take another step,

Princess Roxyhana's
last hope was to...

Swift Foot!

Hello.

Aren't you a handsome fellow.

Don't you have an owner?

This is great, because I don't have a dog.

You want to be my sidekick?

Great.

We just got to work on Mom.

That's going to be tricky.

Roxy! Dinnertime!

Flibbersnippets, that's Mom.

Okay, here's the plan: You stay here

and I'll come back
with some dinner for you.

Do you like that?

Good boy.

Okay, you stay here, Swift Foot.
I'll be back.

So, I'll pick up the confetti on my way
back from the city tomorrow.

I've only lived here
for a few months.

How have you managed
to rope me into this?

Must be my raw charisma.

Oh, you think so?

Hey, Mom. Hey, Jon.

Can I have a dog?

Sweetie, we've talked about this.

I don't know, okay? We'll see.

Is that 'we' as in 'you',
or 'we' as in 'you and I'?

- It's 'we' as in 'me'.
- I thought we lived in a democracy.

Not till you're 18.

Go tell Max dinner's ready.
He's in the study. Okay? Thank you.

Yes, Your Highness.

I like you.

I... like you?

- Je t'aime?
- Very good.

Awesome.

You're the best French tutor ever.

Oh, my gosh.

You're such a cutie
without your glasses.

Thanks.

Hey, Max, dinner is...

Am I interrupting?

No, no. Roxy, Jill.
Jill, Roxy. She's...

His fiancée.

His fiancée?

Oh! That is so cute!

Isn't it just?

Max, dear, we're requested
at the dinner table.

If we all ate a little less,
I'm sure there'd be enough for you.

No, thanks.

That's my ride.

Thanks again, Maxie.

Nice to meet you, Roxy.

Maxie?

So, Max, how's
the French tutoring going?

Yes, French, the language of love.

It's fine.

Oh, hon, almost forgot...

we have to go in tomorrow morning
and look at the crystal centrepiece.

They want to do the unveiling
before the dance.

Okay.

So, what is a 'ses-qui-sen-teminal'?

Sesquicentennial, I think. Yeah?

It's the 150th birthday of Serenity Falls.

- Sesquicentennial.
- That's it.

Is that French, Max?

Latin, actually.

I wonder if poor Jill
could even spell that.

Roxy.

No, no teasing. Come on.

Who wants more beet salad?

Any takers? Max?

Sure, I'll... I'll have some more.

Boy, he must really like you.

- What?
- Mom, see,

no one believes more in the importance
of a healthy and balanced meal

for a growing child than I,
but there are limits.

Well, beets are good for you.

Not the way you do them.

- I like the way she does 'em.
- Thank you. See?

You're just like Dad.

What do you mean, hon?

Dad used to lie about
liking the beet salad as well,

but he'd hide it in his napkin.

I'll get it.

Excusez-moi.

- You don't have to...
- Oh, no, it's good.

No, it's fine.

Ma, it's the law.

Should I ask to see a warrant?

Roxy!

Evening, folks.

Sorry to interrupt,
but I'm going door to door

just to warn folks to be
on the lookout

for anything suspicious.

Really? What kind of suspicious?

Well, there's been a few robberies
in the last couple of days.

Some people have reported
that their garbage has gone missing.

Those pesky garbage men,
always taking the garbage.

Well, Jon,

actually, the stone eagle's been
stolen from the top of the library,

and a few flags have gone missing
from government buildings.

Since you and Susan are
on the decorations committee,

I thought I'd put you on alert.

So, you think we should worry about
some kids stealing our banners?

Well, Jon, we can only hope it's just kids.

Is that beet salad?

Yes, it is beet salad.

Would you like some?

Maybe.

Oh, I'm sure he would,

but he's got to keep warning
all the other neighbours.

- Right.
- Absolutely, Jon.

Duty calls, ma'am.

Just remember, folks, stay alert.

Thanks very much, Bull, will do.

Actually, Jon, it's Sheriff Potts.

It says 'Deputy Sheriff'.

Stay alert, folks.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm just a little concerned
about what Deputy Potts said.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
about Bull too much.

Tends to have a flair
for the dramatic.

Why do you call him Bull?

Well, back in high school, Potts...

wasn't very popular,

and our school mascot was a bull,
the Serenity Falls Bull.

Anyway, he thought
he'd look really cool

riding the school mascot
into one of the dances.

Unfortunately,
he picked the wrong dance.

Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day.

The gymnasium was decked
floor to ceiling in red...

and the bull went nuts.

Oh, no. What happened?

Well...

That bull is angry!

It was awful!

Fortunately, no one was hurt,

and ever since then,
everyone calls him Bull.

That's kind of mean.

You think?

No, it's just a harmless nickname.

Dishes are done.

What do you have in there?

Thought I'd put away the laundry,
then hit the hay.

Hit the hay?

It's not even close to your bedtime.

Well, it is somewhere in the world.

Anyway, big day
at day camp tomorrow.

I think we're making macaroni art.

Got to be sharp.

- 'Night, Mom.
- 'Night.

- 'Night, Jon.
- 'Night, rock star.

You know, I'm kind of tired myself.

Would you mind if we
picked this up tomorrow?

- Sure.
- Kay.

Night.

Night.

Swift Foot!

Here, boy!

I've got some food for you!

Swift Foot?

Swift Foot!

Where are you?

Come here!

Swift Foot?

Swift Foot!

Look, I brought some food for you.

Mom's going to take
a bit more convincing,

so you'll have to stay
in the garage for now.

Come on.

Don't worry, it's five stars
as far as garages go.

Wait a second!
Where are you going?

The marsh monster!

Please don't eat me!

- Okay?
- What?

You okay?

I guess.

Good. Good.

Good girl.

Go home.
These woods are not safe.

What?

Good girl.

Go home to your family.

Be safe.

Is Swift Foot your dog?

Hey, wait a second!

Hey, mister, do you live here?

You should go home.

What's all this?

You some kind of collector
or something?

Preparations.
Not much time. Not much time.

Have to be ready.

No touch!

Delicate.

Good girl.

Calibration.

Occipital refraction.

Delicate.

What's it do?

Magic.

She will come from the sky.

Who will?

Like you.

Like you.

From the sky.

Like me? I'm from Jersey.

It's late.

You should go home.

Yipes, you're right!

Can I come back tomorrow
and play with your dog?

Dog?

Not my dog.

Comes and goes. Stray.

Great!

I'll see you tomorrow!

Where are you?
Where are you?

And he thrust
the flaming branch to the ground.

Like magic, the ceiling burst to light

as if the shaman had brought
the night sky down,

then captured it into the cave.

He's a shaman.

I woke up this morning,
and my glands were swollen...

swollen to the size of golf ba*ls!

Why do I have to do this speech?

What do I know from speeches?

I'm an accountant!

Well, you are the mayor, Saul.

Acting mayor, Jon.

Acting mayor.

I was only supposed to do the job
until they found someone new.

Why haven't they found
someone new?

The wheels of democracy
turn slowly, Mr Bloomberg.

Who are you, Thomas Jefferson?

Sorry I'm late, folks.

I had important police business
to attend to.

I don't think I need
to remind you people

that what you see here
does not leave this room today.

What I am about to show you

are the plans
for the Serenity Falls monument

that is to be unveiled at
the 'ses-quin-ten-ten-tennial'.

- Sesquicentennial.
- Exactly.

It is like nothing
you have ever seen before.

It's a lighthouse.

- That's a 5-foot-tall lighthouse.
- Exactly.

And this shall be the centrepiece,

donated at great expense
by my family.

I thought a lighthouse was something
that warns people away.

A lighthouse is a symbol of light
and a beacon of freedom, and...

a symbol of serenity
and peace as well, also.

Sorry to interrupt, Mr Mayor.

Acting mayor!

Oh, hi, Susan!

Jon! Roxy!

How's my favourite
little detective today?

Fine, thank you, Sheriff Tom.

I'm glad to hear that.

Bull, that darn cat
you rescued this morning

ran back up the tree.

You'd better go out
and have a look-see.

I'll get right on that, Sheriff Tom.

See you, folks.

Urgent police business?

Okay, let's get you to day camp.

It's actually Deputy Sheriff Potts.

Right. Right, Bull, I know.

Acting Mayor Bloomberg,
I do think it's important

that you shall keep
the crystal in the safe.

Oh. Of course.

Oh, it's heavy.

Yes.

Okay.

So sorry. I'm sorry.
This is just... I'm very...

All right, here's your...

Sorry I forgot that doughnut earlier.
Everything...

Dude, you're looking very styling!

Perhaps somebody's trying
to make an impression

on a certain somebody else?

Who, Jill? I'm just tutoring her
for summer school.

Besides, she's 15 and I'm 12.

Well, I'll tell you, if you want
to look a little more mature,

I have just the thing. Hang on.

Lemon Boofoo.

All the sophisticated dudes
are eating them back home.

Lemon Boofoo?
What's in it?

There's lemon, yogurt,
and kombucha.

Kombucha?

It's a kind of fungus,
like a mushroom.

I think I'll pass.

My uncle is trying
to introduce them to America.

Ever since he found out I got ajob here,
he keeps sending me them from home.

You know, Max, not for the life of me
can I get anyone to try them.

The only person who's eating them
is that Deputy Sheriff Potts,

and, you know, I'm thinking he's
not such an effective endorsement.

Hey, Max, sorry I'm late.

Hey, Jill!

I thought we'd start
the passé composé today.

Well, about that...

Listen, the g*ng's getting together

for a barbecue
down by the river today,

and I was wondering...

Yeah?

Would you mind doing my homework?

I mean, I'll totally look it over later.

It's just... you know...

Sure.

Thanks, Max.
You're the best.

And is that a new shirt?

You little cutie!

See you later.

Want a milkshake... cutie?

Class, follow me.

Single file, please.

Quietly as we go down the stairs.

Thank you.

I can't find it!

Miss Hunter, shouldn't you be
with the other children?

Not if I can help it.

Do you have Miss Slaussen's permission
to be in the reference section?

Sauerkraut? 'Course not.

She hates me.

Besides, there's a mystery to solve.

A mystery, you say?

I'm looking for a native legend,

something about a girl from the sky

or a girl from New Jersey...
I'm not sure.

Well, let's narrow the search.

Whose legend is it...
Cree, Sioux, Navajo?

Remember, native cultures
and languages

are extraordinarily diverse.

I guess it'd have to be
from around here.

Well, that would be
the Iroquois Nation.

Iroquois, yeah!
Just like Tanaka!

It's a shame that you didn't talk
to my good friend Lorne Red Deer

when he visited the library yesterday.

He's well versed
in Iroquois mythology.

Of course!
Give me his number.

Pardon?

Give me his number.
I'll call him now.

I'm sorry, I can't just give
his telephone number.

Why not? This is
really important, Mr Tibers.

He won't mind. He and I are
practically in business together.

- Please?
- No.

Please?

No, Miss Hunter.

Please!

Okay, fine.

Thank you.

Oh, it's a real Cinderella story here,
ladies and gentlemen.

After being eight strokes off the lead,

Lorne 'The Huron Hurricane'
has come roaring back!

He is now poised to win
the U.S. Open on this putt.

He's been striking the ball
extremely well the whole tournament.

And here he is.
He reads a little left to right.

He sets...

...and it's in!
Ladies and gentlemen, the crowd...

Hello?

Mr Red Deer?
This is Roxy Hunter.

Remember, from yesterday?

I gave you
the Princess Roxyhana outline.

Right.

Have you had a chance
to look it over yet?

No. No, I haven't.

I've just been... crazy busy.

That's okay.
I'm sure you'll get around to it.

Anyway, the reason I'm calling you

is I need some information
on a shaman ceremony

involving lights in the sky and a girl

possibly from New Jersey.

Well, I see.

Well, there is one about the girl
from the Northern Lights.

Girl from the Northern Lights!
That must be it!

What's the ceremony for that?

Well, I'm not sure there is one.

Could I ask you
how you got this number?

Okay, Mom,

I'll be sure to pick up the milk.
Love you too.

Bye!

Mom?

I'm sorry, Miss Slaussen.

My mom called and asked me
to pick up milk at the grocery store.

And Nash, at the buzzer...

And it's good for three,
ladies and gent...

Hey, there, pretty bank worker
lady-type person.

Did you get the confetti?

I'm-a get-a the best confetti
money could buy for you, eh?

Jon, it's pink.

It's supposed to be
red, white, and blue.

Yes, but pink technically is
red and white mixed together, so...

- It's fine. It's fine.
- Susan.

Susan, it's the only confetti they had.
Nobody's going to know the difference.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah.

I think I'm just
a little overwhelmed. It's fine.

Okay. So we're still on
for Casablanca tonight?

I haven't been spending enough
mother-daughter time with Roxy,

so I think I'm just going to
stay in tonight, if that's okay.

No, that... sure.
Yeah, that's a good idea.

- Okay.
- No problem.

I'm going to get back to work.

Swift Foot?

Look! I brought you guys more food.

You like cheese?

I was going to bring you guys
animal crackers,

but I figured it was too much
like 'cannonball-ism'.

- Losers!
- Oh, no!

I'm so not frightened.

We can't let them find
you and the shaman.

Here, take this food and go.
I'll think of something.

Go!

Think, Roxy, think.

Yeah.

Should be here, right, guys?

Wait. I can't go back in there.

Don't worry, man.

If there really is a monster in there,
he'd better start saying his prayers.

Oh, it was horrible!

What happened?

Something's in there, something evil!

Did you see the monster?

I only got a glimpse...

of darkness!

And then I felt icy fingers of terror

reach in and grab my heart!

I couldn't move!

No escape! I couldn't breathe!

I told you guys!
I told you!

It had control of my mind,

and then I heard its terrible voice
whispering in my head,

telling me what it wanted!

What does it want?

It wants...

children!

Suckers.

Roxy!

Aw, flibbersnippets. Dinner.

Does anyone know
where the cheese went?

Because I wanted to use it
for the cauliflower.

Beats me.

Jill didn't stay for very long.

She was just picking up
her homework.

You did her homework for her?

No, she...

I just had her book accidentally.

Good, because if you're
going to leave me at the altar,

I hope it's not for the kind of girl
that tries to get you to do her homework.

So, Susan... where's Jon?

Isn't it movie night?

Yeah, something came up.
He had to cancel.

What came up?

I don't know, sweetie.
He didn't say.

You okay?

Oh, hi, Max.

Oh, yeah, I'm...

I'm fine. I think I just got
a little soap in my eye.

I just find it hard sometimes,
doing this alone.

I get a little overwhelmed, and I...

I think a lot about David.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I miss my parents, but...

they're only in Turkmenistan.

They're not...

It's okay, Max,
you can say 'dead'.

David died and it's not fair...

and it's really, really lousy,
but it happens.

I can't imagine
how you must be feeling.

I'm sorry for that.

Thank you, Max.

Not a problem.

Okay.

In today's documentary,

we're going to learn
all about photosynthesis.

Remember, no gum or candy
in the projection room!

Ah, it's Saturday.
I remember what happened the last time.

No spit ba*ls or gum wrappers...

- Hey.
- Hi.

Did you see that?
Very good, sir.

Listen, I just wanted to ask,
is everything okay?

Because you seem
a little distant lately.

Do I? No. No, not at all.

Oh, okay. Just checking.

Okay.

Jon, oh, you're such a great guy,
and Roxy just adores you.

Wait, wait, wait.
Are you breaking up with me?

No. No.

I'm feeling like things are moving
a little too quickly for me right now,

and I just want to put them
on pause for a bit.

Pause?

You mean kind of like stop?

No! No, stop is stop, and pause is...

pause is different.

I just need some time
to think things through.

Well, yeah, sure. Absolutely.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Take all the time you need.

Well, thank you for understanding.

Okay, I should get back.

Okay.

So, I'll see you later?

I don't think she
pressed pause, my friend.

I think she hit eject.

Look, come inside
for some Lemon Boofoo.

It helps the heart,
the aching, aching heart.

- No, thank you.
- It'll be good for you.

That's okay, thank you.

Can I interest you in a Boofoo?

I just need to get a couple
of measurements of the crystal.

I tell you, when the Serenity Falls
lighthouse is lit up,

it's going to be so beautiful.

Well, if it's going to be so beautiful,

maybe a speech might get in the way.

- It's impossible!
- What is it?

I put it in there myself!

Oh, no! It's gone!

The crystal's gone!

That's no good!

We're going to be in so much trouble!

I still can't believe you built all this.

Oh, no! Running out of time!

Just to make sure
we're both on the same page,

this is the ceremony about the girl
from the Northern Lights, right?

Yes! The girl!

She has to come!
The lights!

- Lights.
- Knew it!

As your apprentice,

I should probably know when
the ceremony is supposed to begin.

She's coming Saturday, 9.00 p. m.

Perfect!

Yay! What's perfect?

Oh, yes!

Wait.

Where did you get that?

Found it.

The house in the ground.

Found it.

That's the thingy
from the Serenity Falls lighthouse.

I'm not sure you're
supposed to have that.

Sure you found it?

Yes. The house in the ground.
Found it.

Prismatic nexus.

Focal distributor.

There were some flags stolen.

I- I'm going to go home now.

And last but not least,
the Serenity Falls lighthouse

is more than just a symbol
of this fine town...

and I for one will not allow
those thieves to shatter

the crystal heart
of our 'ses-qui-tent-annel'.

Sesquicentennial.

Bob, Larry, you take everything

in the east woods
and west of Stony Creek.

And, folks, not to worry...

Sheriff Potts will take the Black Marsh.

- Yeah!
- Wait a second, Deputy!

We want in.

Bob, Larry, meet your new crew.

Folks, remember, Sheriff Potts
has the Black Marsh under control.

Oh, no.

Hey, Maxie!
Did you hear about the lighthouse?

Yeah.

Well, a bunch of us are going to
go join the search party

to find the g*ng of criminals
who stole the crystal, so...

I really hate to ask...

You want me to do
your homework for you.

Would you?

Thanks, Maxie!
You're the best.

Hey, Max.

- Hey.
- Who are the flowers for?

Nobody.

Do you mind if I sit down?

You know, if you want
to talk about this,

I do have some experience
in relationship matters.

Not all of it good, but...

She took my heart,
and all she gave me was her homework!

Max, these things are complex.

A woman... is like a song.

Miss Hunter, I won't venture to ask
what you're doing down there,

but are you aware that Ms Slaussen
was looking for you?

I need some time away
from the Cut and Paste Academy.

I've got a lot on my mind,
you know?

Is it regarding your mother and Jon?

No. What about them?

Nothing.

What is it, then?

Ever find yourself in a situation
where you didn't know

if you had to do the wrong thing
for the right reason

or the right thing for the wrong reason,

because either way
it's going to have repercussions?

You're being a little obtuse.

Of course I'm 'obtusing'!

I can't tell you what it is.

Well...

sometimes regardless of how you feel

you have to do
what you know is right

despite the repercussions.

Yeah, I was afraid you'd say that.

Mr Tibers, I think
I got to go do something.

Could you keep Sauerkraut
off my back for a while?

With pleasure.

Thanks.

And then she told me
I bought the wrong kind of confetti.

Well, you tell me, Max,

is there such a thing
as the right confetti?

I don't know.

And then this whole pause thing...
what the heck is 'pause', anyway?

I haven't been rushing things;
I've been taking it slow.

Heck, if I go any slower,
I'll start collecting dust.

I don't know what to do here.

Maybe that's the problem.

What?

Last winter, I taught Roxy how to skate.

She fell and hurt herself
and swore never to skate again,

and you know
how stubborn she can be.

Yeah.

I could've stood there for hours
telling her how fun skating would've been,

but instead I just
started skating with her.

By the end of the day,
I couldn't get her off the ice.

You're losing me here, buddy.

Susan has reason to be afraid
of getting hurt.

She lost her husband.

So instead of talking to her about it,

I should show her
that skating can be fun.

Right.

Good, Max, good.
I'm glad we had this talk.

Yeah, I really like it there.
Wait, just a little...

Hey, sweetie...
hey, why aren't you in day camp?

Well, see Mom, there's something
I need to talk to you about.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Did somebody tell you?
Because it seems everybody knows!

They do?

Yeah, these small towns
are really gossipy.

I know you like him; I do too.

It's not a break-up, okay?

We're just taking a little time.

Wait, you dumped Jon?

No! No... we're just on pause.

Pause? What the heck is 'pause'?

Yeah, honey,

- it's kind of hard to explain.
- Mom!

This isn't about you and Jon.
There's something I need to tell you.

Really, sweetie?
What's going on?

Well...

Susan! Susan.

Over here, Saul!

Oh, Susan, wonderful news.

They found the crystal.

What? Where?

In the woods.

Some vagrant type had stolen it.

How he got into that safe
will have me forever flummoxed.

Vagrant type?

Yeah, they're bringing him in right now.

Oh, no!

Hey, Roxy! Excuse me.

Where are you going?

I love what you've done with the place!

It's lovely. I love it.

Put him into jail!

No, I got to go!

- You're the thief!
- No, not much time.

Never mind that,
you're not going anywhere.

Lock him up and throw away the key!

Better answer some questions!

People, people, simmer down!

We're going to resolve this matter
in an orderly fashion,

but I want everybody
to calm down first.

- Thank you.
- He's innocent! He didn't do it!

He's a shaman, a native mystic,
performing his sacred ceremony!

Mom, he's innocent.

He told me about the crystal
in the ground and I believe him.

Roxy, do you know this man?

Yes, I'm his apprentice.

Okay, what are you talking about?!

He's teaching me the ceremony
of the Northern Lights.

We're going home.

- But Mom...
- No, now! Now.

Susan, don't worry.
I'll get to the bottom of this.

Come on.

'Princess Roxyhana lies on her bed,
awaiting the executioner's call. '

Here we go.

Come in.

What's the sentence?

Grounded for life,
no chance of parole.

But he saved my life!

Being out in the woods at night
was strike number one,

let alone with a stranger.

Do you know how bad that is?

- How bad?
- Bad.

- Scale of one to ten?
- Fifteen.

Is she still angry?

She's more disappointed than angry.

Disappointed. That's worse.

Well, you got to think about it, Roxy.

What if something had happened to you?

Yeah, I guess.

Good night.

Night.

This doesn't look like any thief to me.

I mean, how did he get into that safe?

There's no lock picks, nothing.

Maybe he swallowed them.

What?

Like Harry Houdini.

He used to swallow his lock pick
and then barf it up,

you know, when he needed it.

Maybe our guy's an escape artist.

Well, we're not going to get an ID
off his prints tonight.

Maybe you'd like to escape
for the rest of the night, Bull.

Gotcha, boss, yeah.

Escape.

Escapin'.

Like... like electrocution?

Fetching.

Dissonance... public... night...

nexus of causality.

Must... must... must go...
Have to go.

Time, time... so important.

Refraction of light, refraction,
the occipital rays...

Not much time. Not much time.

Not much time, Sarah. Sarah!

I will come, Sarah.

Hey, Jon, happy sesquicentennial!

Hey, come on, guess who I am.

Elton John hailing a cab.

Okay, that is the third time
I've heard that.

Hey there, Jon.

Listen, I was sorry to hear
about you and Susan.

That's a real shame.

I was really rootin' for you two.

Well, it ain't over till it's over.

Look, you got an idea on our thief yet?

Yeah, came in this morning,
a Gerard Carey.

Couple of arrests for vagrancy,
nothing else.

Seems harmless enough.

I left a message with a relative
over in Mansfield.

He's coming by tonight.

I'll be honest with you...

this whole mess
doesn't sit right with me.

Okay, I still have a million things to do.

Have to go arrange the DJ booth.

Oh, I got to pick up the punch.

I can get the punch.

Oh, would you, Max?

I would love that. You're a saviour.

You know, Mom, it seems kind of sad
that I won't be able to appreciate

all of the hard work
you put into this dance.

Yeah, nice try, kid.

That's the baby-sitter.

You know, I may have
done something wrong,

but the shaman didn't.

He said he found that dumb thing
in the ground, and I believe him.

I do too.

You do?!

Logically, it just doesn't add up.

How could he break into the office,
unlock the safe, and steal the crystal?

Furthermore, how would
he have known that it was there?

Besides, something else
points to his innocence.

Roxy, you may be many things,

but you're an excellent judge
of character.

I am?

Yeah, and, you know,
you were right about Jill.

Oh, Max, you believe me!

I never give up hope on us.

So, who did steal it?

Roxy, your... baby-sitter's here.

Hello, Roxy.

Oh, no.

Can I get some help over here?

- Here's the punch mix.
- Oh, wonderful.

Okay, put it on the table
over there for me.

This is from Jon.
He told me to give it to you.

What's this?

It's confetti!

If you don't need me for anything else,
I have some things to do.

No, go. Thank you.

Got to get him out ofjail.

Please, like I believe that!

Whatever is troubling you,
Miss Slaussen?

What a bunch of horse hooey!

They take a picture of an 18-year-old

and they tell us we're going to
look like this if we spend $50!

Well, I did, and all I got
was a bottle of useless goop.

You're right, that's criminal.

I know for a fact
the only thing that truly works

is my mother's secret
Chinese botanical ointment.

- What?
- I'm not supposed to mention it.

Forget I said anything.

No, no, no!
You can tell me, dear.

Are you sure?

- Of course. I can keep a secret.
- Cross your heart?

Absolutely.

Well, my great-great grandfather,
the famed explorer Horatio Hunter III,

brought the secret recipe back
from the Sho Yung Glum province in China.

- No!
- He got it from a medicine woman

who claimed to be 120.

He says she didn't look a day over 50.

Oh, I don't believe that.

How old do you think my mom is?

Early 30s.

- She's 47.
- No!

Would I lie?

Does she have any?

Why, did you want to try some?

Yes! I mean...
I would be curious.

Well... maybe this one time.

Okay, Bull, you can get on home
and start gettin' ready for the party.

I've been thinking about it, Sheriff Tom,
and it just doesn't seem right

that you're the one here on duty
when you should be there.

I don't mind.
I know how important it is to you.

Not as important as you being there
to represent the law

at the Serenity Falls 'Sesqui-ten-ten-tinal'.

Sesquicentennial?

Exactly.

Well, that's very kind of you.

Thanks, Bull.

Not a problem.

It's actually Deputy Sheriff Martin Potts.

So good!

It tastes sweet.

Just think how sweet your skin will be.

Now, the secret is you mustn't move

or else the 'nutriments'
won't be absorbed.

Just relax...
and think beautiful thoughts.

- Well, I thought that this was...
- No, no, no!

You mustn't talk or move.

Just lie there and relax.

Relax.

Impressive.

Hello, boy!

Oh, nice to meet you!

Come, boy!

Come!

Hello?

Sheriff Tom?

Anybody here?

Mr Shaman?

Hello?

How did you get out?

You are magic!

No time!

No time!

What are you doing?

Come on, we have to make a break for it!

He could be here any second!

We have to go.

Sarah.

Sarah?

My Sarah.

She's the light.

Yeah, go on.

Is Sarah your daughter?

And you... you lost her.

The lights... you think
she'll come if she sees them.

The lights.

She will come to the lights.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

After my dad died, I used to write him
little notes and attach them to balloons.

Then I'd let them go up into the sky.
That way he could read them.

It helped a lot.

You need that crystal.

Prismatic nexus.

Meet me at the campsite.

Trust me.

It's here, isn't it?

A house in the ground!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I was told to start with ajoke, and...
What's the joke?

Hello, Mayor Bloomberg!

You don't look so good.

I feel terrible!

What's my joke?
I can't remember my joke!

My brain has gone numb!

Don't worry, it's just the local news.

Local news, what do you mean?!

- The television crew that just pulled up.
- Television crew?!

Well, no one really watches it...

unless it gets picked up nationally.

You know how those big networks
love stories from small-town America.

I don't feel so good.

From the library.

Again, I'd like to wish

Acting Mayor Bloomberg
a speedy recovery.

And now, without further ado,
ladies and gents,

I give you the Serenity Falls lighthouse!

He escaped!

Sheriff, the deputy!

He escaped.

The lighthouse thief!

- He escaped!
- Yeah, it struck again!

He hit me on the head.
Real hard, too.

Roxy.

So, he cracked you
with your own nightstick.

What is he, a ninja?

He's fast, boss.

Tom, there's a crowd forming out there.

I think they want to go look for the guy.

Oh, I was afraid of that.

Me and Bull'll go along,
keep an eye on them.

Sheriff, I just heard
from Mayor Bloomberg

that Roxy was the last person
he saw with the lighthouse.

Oh, no!

Let's go, Bull.

- I'm going with you.
- Me too.

This... isn't... good.

I got it!

We'd better hurry. This is the first place
they'll come looking for us.

We're running out of time!

Don't worry. She'll be okay.

Nothing's happening!

They'll be here any second!

It's over here! I see it.

Now, everybody calm down!
I don't want anybody getting hurt.

This is going to get ugly.

No!

- Found them.
- They're here. It's too late!

It's 9.00!

It's beautiful.

You came back.

I missed you so much.

I just wanted to say...

good-bye, Sarah.

Are you going to be okay now?

Yes. Yes.

Thank you.

But you have to let him go!

He just wanted to say good-bye
to his daughter.

I'm the one who stole the crystal.

I should be the one in trouble.

Oh, we're getting to that,

but the fact remains
that he assaulted an officer of the law

and he's a prime suspect
in the first theft.

He's innocent!
He said he found it in the ground.

That's not possible.

Yes, it is.

Roxy's right. This man is innocent.

How do you know that?

I went to the campsite and found
traces of mud there, high in sulphur,

and the only place
with mud like that is the Black Marsh,

so I went there and found
an old b*mb shelter.

The stone lion from the library
and some of the stolen flags were in it.

Well, he could've been using
that for a hiding place.

A possibility, until I found this.

Ramma's the thief?

No, I remember Ramma telling me
that the only person who ate these...

was Deputy Potts.

You're saying that I did it.

That's ridiculous.

No, it's not.

You had access
to the mayor's office and the safe,

and I did a little Web search
on the Black Marsh

and found out it's been
in the Potts family for over 100 years,

and I'm guessing
your grandfather built

that b*mb shelter during the Cold w*r,
kept it a family secret.

You were the only one
who knew it was there.

And when I came to the station
to rescue the shaman,

Deputy Potts wasn't here.

He couldn't've been knocked out.

You got anything to say about this, Bull?

He didn't do it.

I did it.

I stole the crystal.

I couldn't let an innocent man
take the blame for something I did,

so I unlocked his jail cell
and I took off.

I thought he'd run away.

I didn't think he'd go back
to his campsite.

So then how'd you get the goose egg?

Hit myself on the head.

Why, in the name
of my Great-Aunt Petunia,

did you do all this?

I just wanted a little respect!

I got a little sick and tired

of people calling me Bull
all this time, teasin' me.

It was one stupid dance 20 years ago!

I figured if I recovered
the stolen crystal,

people would think I was a hero
instead of a loser... named Bull.

So, you stole the crystal
and hid the crystal

so you could be the one
to find the crystal?

Yeah.

Not bad.

Classic Munchausen's syndrome.

Which is what?

Mr Carey...

I didn't mean for any of this
to happen to you, I swear.

It's okay.

Thanks.

Well, gee, B...

Martin, we didn't know that name
bothered you so much.

Sorry about that.

Thanks, Jon.

All right, everybody clear out of here.
We've got an unveiling to get to.

I'll sort this out.

Can I help you, sir?

Yes, I got a call about Jerry Carey.

I'm his cousin Barry.

Barry?

Jerry!

Thanks.

So, he's not a shaman?

Jerry? No, not that I know of.

Then how did he do
the magic with the lights?

- Well, did you ever see Laser Floyd?
- I have.

Well, that was Jerry's.

He was a top optical engineer.

He went to MIT, and he travelled
all over the country,

designing and building light shows
for planetariums.

It's going to be okay now, Jerry.

Going to come home with me.

I'll just be a second.

Ten years ago, Jerry was designing
a laser show out in Seattle

and he flew his daughter Sarah
out to see it.

Oh, she was a beautiful little girl.

- The light of his life.
- Yeah, that's...

that's what he called her.

Anyway, her plane never made it.

It totally shattered him.

Something inside him snapped,
and he's been wandering ever since.

Keeps trying to build these devices,

but either he gets run off
by townspeople

or he gets arrested for vagrancy.

I guess he just
wanted to say good-bye...

and you let him.

Thank you so much.

Good-bye, Mr Carey.

When something comes
from the heart, it is magic.

Thank you, Roxy.

Time to pay the piper.

Listen, Ma, I know I did a bad thing...

okay, a lot of bad things,

but I want you to know
that I did them for the right reason...

Are you okay?

Come here, you.

I love you.

I love you too, Mom.

Am I still grounded?

Come on.

And now it is my great honour
to present to you,

the people of this great community,

the Serenity Falls lighthouse!

I did it! I did it!

I've never seen such nice colours.

That's beautiful.

Well, hey, pumpkin.

You okay?

Yeah, I just...

I still feel a little achy
in my heart, you know?

But I'm okay.

Well, would a dance
make you feel better?

No, thanks, Mom.

Besides, I'm not so sure I'm the one
you should be dancing with.

Okay, okay, I'm going.

I'll tell you, Jon,
you're going to love the single life.

We got the bachelors' bowlin' league,
fishin', got Wednesday night poker...

- Hey, guys.
- Susan.

- Hey, Jon.
- Hey.

Do you want to dance?

Yeah.

That was some grade-A detecting
you did there, Max.

I could use a man
like you on the force.

Why? You're not firing
Deputy Potts, are you?

Nah, he wasn't trying to hurt anybody.

Besides, we all have to take
some responsibility

for calling him Bull all those years.

Well, don't get me wrong,
he's going into counselling,

and he's going to do a heck of a lot
of community service...

but he's a decent fellow at heart.

Yeah.

Want to dance, Max?

Sure.

Yeah... bowlin'... fishin'...

So, I owe you an apology.

You have been so wonderful,

and any problems that we
were having... were my fault.

I guess just seeing that poor man today
made me realise that I didn't...

I didn't have as much closure
with David as I thought.

I don't want to lose you, so...

I just am asking
if you'll just be a little more patient.

Okay, but I am going to show you
that skating can be fun.

What are you talking about?

This.

So, there was, like,
never any Black Marsh monster?

What did that kid see, then?

It was just Deputy Potts
coming out of the b*mb shelter.

That is so awesome.

I mean, you, like, totally solved
that crime on your own.

You're so cool.

It was elementary.

You know, Max,
in a couple years you'll be older,

and maybe you and me could go out?

I don't think so,
because in a couple years,

we'll be more different
than we are now.

But... we'll always have French class.

And so, the orphan princess Roxyhana
finds herself once more alone.

Will there be other adventures?

Yes, but for now she must stay content
with nothing but the stars above.

He was right.

It was magic.

You know, Swift Foot,

in the words of the immortal
Humpty Boogert,

'This looks like the start
of a beautiful friendship. '

Let's go home, boy.

It worked!