Missing Link (2019)

[bunniefuu]

This tea is tepid, Mr. Lint.

I'm sorry, Sir Lionel.

It's a cold night,

and we're a long way from shore.

Shh! Do you hear that?

Mm-mm.

Ah, yes. The perfect spot.

Now, we have work to do.

Break out the bagpipes.

♪ Mi ♪

♪ La mi-mi-mi-mi ♪

♪ Mi-mi ♪

Very good. Okay, here we go.

Do you think

this will work, sir?

They do say music soothes

the savage beast, Mr. Lint.

I'm not sure

in this case, sir.

Is the camera to hand?

It is essential.

Under your seat, sir.

Good.

Let those fellows

at the club scoff

when faced

with irrefutable proof.

I should've joined

the army.

- Sir Lionel?

- Hmm?

Darwin's finches! She's real!

I knew it. I knew it.

Oh, she's a spirited one,

isn't she? Ha-ha!

- Hold this, will you?

- Whoa!

Ah, okay.

Oh!

Oh!

A little to the right, please.

No, no, no. My right.

That's it, that's it.

Now, what do we say?

Help me!

No, Mr. Lint.

What else do we say?

My hands are bleeding!

- Can we say "cheese"?

- Please!

Close enough.

Oh!

A carnivore. Huh.

Do buck up, Mr. Lint.

No harm done.

Aah!

Oh, fiddlesticks.

I quit!

I can't take any more of this.

I won't!

You were mauled

by a prehistoric lake monster.

How many people

can claim that?

None.

Because they're all dead!

I thought you

were made of sterner stuff.

What is wrong with you?

I'm a human being!

Yes, one of over

one-and-a-half billion.

But that creature,

on the other hand,

is one of a kind.

Don't you see?

Oh, I see perfectly well.

It's no wonder

you can't keep anyone around.

Do stay, Mr. Lint.

I'll make absolutely sure you

don't get eaten again. I promise.

You said that last time!

If I'm ever to be taken seriously

by the adventuring community,

I must...

I must provide proof, yes.

You see, my mistake was relying

on these newfangled cameras.

We'll go back.

We'll get some real evidence.

- We can...

- No, we shall not.

You, sir, are on your own.

Uh...

Oh, bother.

Ew.

"Dear Sir Lionel Frost,

as famed seeker of mythical beasts,

"you may be interested

in this proposition.

"I can reveal to you the

as-yet-undiscovered creature

"known as the Sasquatch.

"Follow the trail along Old

Kemp Creek in Washington State,

"and you will find him.

"I am truly the real deal,

and I...

I believe you are, too."

Huh.

Old Kemp Creek. I knew it.

Ha-ha!

The game is afoot!

Ha-ha! A foot.

It's a... Hmm. Right.

Oh, it's you. You know

I have strict orders not to...

Yes, yes, very good,

thank you.

There he stood before me,

his wicked heathen eyes

locked on mine.

No sound but the wind whistling

through his grass skirt.

Then, in a flash,

I fell to one knee,

thrust my hand down

my trouser leg,

whipped out a p*stol I had

concealed against my inner thigh,

aimed it

right between his eyes,

and dropped him where he stood quicker

than you could say, "God save the Queen."

How do you like that, hmm?

A noble battle.

Thank heaven he wasn't armed.

And then what happened?

Uh, I wasn't

out of the woods yet.

Not by a long shot.

The one thing that still

stood in my way was...

Sir Lionel Frost!

Gentlemen...

I bring thrilling news.

Oh, it's the monster hunter.

This club is for members only.

What is it this time, Frost?

Did you come

to tell us about Nessie?

Ah, Lord Piggot-Dunceby.

Why don't you show us what proof

you found in the loch, hmm?

Yes, a regrettable conclusion to an

otherwise rather promising expedition.

Uh...

But I'm not here

to bemoan past misfortune.

I am here to unveil my latest

and most tantalizing enterprise,

gentlemen.

Here he goes again.

- Now wait.

- Give it up, man.

- What I have here is a cast...

- Oh!

...of a giant,

non-human footprint.

- That's a big foot.

- I bet he's a big fellow. Heh.

One of dozens of documented

eyewitness reports

of a mysterious creature.

- Do you mind?

- Oh.

Huge, hairy,

and walking upright.

Neither ape nor man,

but the link in between.

Yes, he's had many names:

Skookum, Rougarou,

Tse'nahaha, Loo Poo Oi'Yes...

...and most commonly known in... in a muddled

derivation of an old Halkomelem dialect,

- as Sasquatch.

- Heh. That'll never catch on.

I offer you a glimpse of a

legendary creature lost in time

and proof...

proof, I tell you...

that man's primate ancestors are not

just tall tales and flights of fancy,

but alive and well

and living in the New World.

Ha-ha!

- The very thought of it.

- Well, I never!

- Poppycock!

- But think of it.

Evidence of man's primitive

ancestry, the missing link!

No, sir, I shan't think of it.

I won't.

- Uh...

- Look around you.

You stand beneath the most

renowned adventurers of the world.

The members of this club

have crossed oceans,

tamed jungles,

conquered the tallest peaks.

We've butchered the ungodly...

...and brought good

British table manners

to savages the world over.

You, sir, seek to make

a mockery of us.

No, no, no.

I seek to join you.

And the discovery

of this creature

must surely secure

my place here.

I mean,

what do you say to that?

I say we are descended

from great men,

not great apes.

Well, I say you're wrong.

What?

I... I believe

the two go hand in hand,

- and what's more, I...

- What did he say to me?

I think he said you're wrong.

I have heard enough.

Your words are nothing.

My word is everything.

What is yours worth?

I beg your pardon?

I give you my word I'll bring

back proof of this creature,

and in return,

you'll admit you're wrong,

and you'll grant me

membership here,

so I might finally take my

place where I truly belong.

You do not belong here,

and you will fail.

Well, in that case,

you have nothing to lose.

Very well.

You'll swear on it?

I will.

Then you'll excuse me

if I take my leave.

I, uh...

I have much to prepare.

Thank you.

Until next we meet, gentlemen.

These are dark days, Collick.

Electricity, suffrage,

evolution.

We are on the brink

of a precipice.

Yes, mark my words.

And the ground beneath us

is clawed away by these...

these new thinkers.

They'll change the world,

and there'll be no room in it

for the likes of me.

But, my Lord,

Frost's frivolous escapades

usually amount to naught.

He can't possibly win

this wager.

I'm not taking any chances!

No, I must make a stand

for all that is civilized.

But how are you going

to do that, my Lord?

Gonna hire a thug to k*ll him.

Oh, yes. That'll do it.

Hello?

Hmm.

Shh!

Stop, please!

Please wait!

It's still there.

Excuse me. I think I've got a

little something stuck in my...

There it is.

In my throat.

Like a nut or a...

or a field mouse or something like that.

I don't know.

Am I rambling? I'm a little

nervous, if I'm being honest.

I...

Sir Lionel Frost, I presume.

Hi.

I don't believe it.

I mean, you can speak.

Yes. And, um, I write as well.

My penmanship isn't great,

but, uh...

you know,

opposable thumbs and...

fat fingers, you know?

How can you speak?

Good question.

How can I speak?

Well, I watched at first.

I listened.

I paid attention

to a lot of things.

I learned, I stole books,

newspapers here and there.

Um, an old shaman in the valley

helped me a little.

Not only that, he taught me

how to play chess.

- Smart shaman.

- Not really.

I mean, I beat him every time.

He's a lousy player.

And he cheats. He's a cheater.

You're exactly as I imagined.

Eight feet tall,

chest circumference 70 inches,

total weight

around 650 pounds.

Well, I'd say it's more like,

you know, 630 pounds.

You know, it's the hair that

makes me look heavier, I think.

It's a... It's a little deceptive.

It can be frustrating.

Oh! Look at the size

of those metatarsals.

Whoa, sir! Wow, your hands!

- Do you mind if I smell you?

- Um, yeah, sure.

I mean, I bathed recently.

You know, like,

two weeks ago in a creek.

Uh, so, should...

You didn't drink from the creek, did you?

Remarkable.

Uh, wait.

So, you called me by my...

How do you know me?

I wrote the letter.

You wrote this?

You asked me here

to discover you?

Oh, discov... No, no, no.

I asked you here to help me.

Over this way.

Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.

Sorry if it smells a little.

I don't entertain that much.

Ever.

If I might ask,

how did you find me?

Oh, well,

I've read all about you.

I think that one's

my favorite, right there.

Let's see. I think

there might be a picture.

Yes. You can't believe

everything you read, can you?

Let's move along, shall we?

So, I need someone who knows

the wild places of the world,

someone who believes

in my existence,

but, you know,

doesn't want to sh**t me.

You're not gonna sh**t me, are you?

But if you'd explain,

what exactly do you ask of me?

Take me away from this place.

I'm lonely.

Your world,

it... it grows bigger.

Mine is eaten away.

You know, there's nothing

for me here anymore.

I've walked these woods year after

year, but I'm the last.

I have none of my kind

to live with,

no...

no family.

Really, nobody.

But...

many miles away,

on the other side of the world,

they talk of this...

this creature.

He's a snowman.

- A yeti?

- And... And look at this.

I think these yetis

are my cousins.

They're... They're my kind.

I want to go to that

cold place and find them.

And then...

um, I wouldn't have to spend

the rest of my life alone.

Can you just take me there?

Please?

Take you to the Himalayas?

I can't possibly.

Yes, you can.

If anyone can, it's you.

You're a...

You're a great man.

Mm, that's a tantalizing

proposition, I'll admit.

You must understand,

my objective here

was to find proof of you.

Um, my name depends upon it.

Proof? What kind of proof?

Incontrovertible evidence

of your existence

to prove my doubters wrong,

uh, like hair samples,

a tooth,

nail clippings, feces.

Well, I have all those things.

That seems like a fair deal.

In that case, why not?

I shall get you there,

to the place you belong.

And in return,

you will get me to mine.

Oh, yes. I'll prove the

existence of not just one,

but an entire evolutionary

branch of missing links.

Imagine the headlines then.

Oh, wow! You really mean that?

You're gonna take me?

Of course. I give you my word.

Okay. What is it?

- What?

- Your word.

No, it's a figure of speech.

Sounds good. What is it?

The word, my dear fellow,

is "trust."

Oh, so, you want

the poop now?

No, later will be fine.

Right. And...

what do I call you?

I mean, if we're to travel halfway

across the globe, you'll need a name.

Well, there's never really been anyone

around to give me a name, you know?

Hmm. That won't do.

I... I think I still carry the

papers of my valet, Mr. Lemuel Lint.

We'll simply change

the "T" to a "K,"

and then we have

the perfect cover story.

Mr. Link.

You know,

like... missing link.

Ah!

Wait, I don't get it.

Uh, fine. Then to business.

We have much to do.

Yes, sir. Where do we start?

With the work of the late

Aldous Fortnight.

He and I shared the same, um,

shall we say, pursuits.

Yes, before

his untimely death.

A singular man.

Primatologist, poet laureate,

and sometime fullback for

the Blackheath Football Club.

Oh, I like the sound

of that guy.

Spent much of his life

searching for the elusive yeti.

And the best part of all,

he drew a map.

- All right, let me just... Can I just ask a...

- Hmm?

You think Mr. Fortnight's widow

will give it to us, just like that?

Don't fret, Mr. Link.

You just leave Adelina to me.

Oh. Oh, so, the two of you

are acquainted.

Hoo-hoo!

You can say that again.

Okay. So, the two of you

are acquainted.

What I...

What I mean is, Adelina and I were...

well, more than

just acquaintances.

Oh.

Oh...

Oh!

Wait a second. I said, "Oh!" like I knew

what you were talking about, but I don't.

Never mind.

First things first.

We shall get some sleep

and sustenance.

Whoo! I barely know you.

What, here?

You know what? I'm fine.

I'll wait out here.

We'll keep a low profile

and be out of here

by first light.

- I can't go in there.

- Well, not as you are, no.

But at the very least,

we should cover up your, uh...

... modesty.

Put this on.

Sir Lionel, I'm a little

afraid that this isn't gonna work.

Oh, come now.

I imagine everyone in there

has hairy knuckles

and poor hygiene.

You'll fit right in.

Hmm.

Ooh! Excuse me.

Hmm.

What can I get you?

Hmm. We'll need lodging

for the night.

And a cup of Earl Grey tea

with a spot of milk.

And please don't let it steep

too long. Thanks so much.

I'm good.

Lionel Frost.

Sir Lionel Frost, actually.

Um, you seem to have me

at a disadvantage.

And that's just how I like it.

Willard Stenk.

Pleased to meet you.

Ah, Stenk.

Yes, I know of your work.

You've tracked,

trapped and butchered

every rare creature

from here to Borneo.

You're gonna make me blush here.

And by my reckoning,

there's one that has eluded you

for 30 years or more.

Is that right?

The Sasquatch appears

to have you beat, Mr. Stenk.

The Sasquatch? Ha!

If you think you can do better,

Frost, you're out of your mind.

You hear me? Barking mad.

Mm.

Woof.

No. It can't be.

Oh, but I'm afraid it can.

And it is.

And you didn't. And I did.

Mmm. You're beautiful.

Um, can you hold on one second?

I'm uncomfortable.

Don't believe a word of it.

He'd sooner see you stuffed

or have your head

mounted on a wall,

and perhaps use your foot as one of those,

you know, buckets you put umbrellas in.

Wha... No, thank you!

Gotta get myself a grip here.

That's better.

Regretfully, Sir Lionel,

turns out the job

I've been hired to do

ain't no fool's errand

after all.

- Oh?

- I've been paid a pretty sum

to stop you and this creature

from ever reaching

civilized society.

Quite a catch.

I get to bag two legends

in one day.

Oh, I wouldn't count on it.

Hmm?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Uh!

Uh!

Huh.

Oh! Uh!

Yes, I might've known Piggot-Dunceby

would send one of his rabid mutts

to do his dirty work.

No hard feelings, Frost.

- Hyah!

- Aah!

Except that one.

Do you think you have things

in hand, Mr. Link?

- I'll be right back.

- Okay.

Oh, no, you don't.

Ooh!

Sorry, old girl.

Oh, blast.

Aah!

Oh, boy. That is gonna let in

an awful draft.

Not to worry, Mr. Link.

We're not stopping after all.

It seems Piggot-Dunceby is set on

scuppering my success at any cost.

We must make haste

for Santa Ana, California.

Lord Piggot-Dunceby!

Lord Piggot-Dunceby,

a telegram!

You have a telegra...

It's from Stenk.

No. It can't be true.

- No... Mm.

- No one must know of this, do you hear?

- We must redouble our efforts.

- Yeah.

- Frost must not succeed!

- Eh?

Get word to Stenk, and...

and tell him to stay on their trail.

- Right.

- To the end of the world if he has to.

Do you hear me?

The end of the world!

Very good, Collick.

Run along now.

Running along, yes, running along.

Just running along.

Hmm.

All aboard!

So, how did

Mr. Fortnight die, exactly?

Buried by an avalanche

on the Hindu Kush.

- Didn't know what hit him.

- Ow!

I'm gonna say it was the snow

that hit him.

He never completed his quest.

Died in the trying.

This feels very confined.

I feel woozy.

Do I look pale? I feel pale.

Oh, stop fidgeting, Mr. Link.

You mustn't draw attention to yourself.

Well, I'm not very

comfortable stealing a man's clothes.

Well, you can't very well

walk around naked.

It's indecent.

Yeah, but... I mean,

his underwear, too?

It just seems a little...

I mean, I turned them

inside-out and all, but...

Is it hot in here?

I think I need some air.

Fine, fine. By all means,

crack open the win...

...dow.

Oh, that's better.

This way, please.

Señora doesn't normally

see guests.

Yeah. I'm the same way.

Probably because my cave smells like sh...

Should you perhaps wait here?

Try not to shed

on the cashmere.

Do you shed?

So,

let me see if I understand.

You plan to travel all the way

around the world to the Himalayas,

looking for this, uh,

legendary creature.

And to do this,

you need the map

that my dearest husband

was holding in his hand

when they pulled

his poor, dead body

out of the ice that k*lled him

on the mountain.

Yes, that's right.

Is this... everything that

you are here to say to me?

Did I leave something out?

He was your friend.

Oh, absolutely.

Like a brother to me.

And you did not even go

to his funeral.

Yes, well, goodbyes

are so tricky.

You and Aldous...

what happened to you?

Oh, come, now, Adelina.

I think you know the answer to that.

It was over

between us, Lionel.

And Aldous was there for me

in ways you never were.

Yes, how fortunate

for you both.

Ugh! I can't even look at you

right now.

- There.

- There?

There, there, Adelina.

There's no need to get upset.

Such a sensitive creature.

It saddens me to see you

shut away in this old house,

surrounded by memories

of times long past.

Like a... Like an unhappy bird

locked in a cage.

You were always such a...

such a vibrant, spirited,

intoxicating woman.

- Stop!

- Ow!

What is wrong with you?

You think I cannot see?

You come here

because you want something,

and you think you can charm me

and you can flatter me

and I will do just as you say.

Um... yes.

- No!

- No.

So, could we go

through it again?

Same old Lionel.

Eyes only for your legend,

for Lionel's prize.

You will get out of my house.

Adelina,

you have me all wrong.

I... I see how much your

husband's legacy means to you.

I would never wish

to obtain the map

by insincere flimflammery.

No. I will pay you for it.

Get out!

Come along, Mr. Link.

- Salga de mi casa!

- Um...

Fuera! Fuera de mi casa!

Váyase!

We aren't

gonna break in, are we?

I mean,

that's against the law.

Oh, please, Mr. Link.

This is America.

Put this on.

Hey, Sir Lionel. Sorry.

Do you have a size bigger?

I think I put a run in it.

On your head. It's a disguise.

We're not here

to perform burlesque.

Look, just forget

about the stocking.

Here. Now throw this rope

over the wall.

What... What did you just do?

Uh, what do you mean?

I threw the rope over the wall.

I didn't mean all of it.

Well, you never said that.

I'm very literal.

- Oh, you don't say?

- No, I do say.

I just said that right then.

Aren't you listening?

Now what are

we gonna do?

You said throw the rope over,

so I threw the rope over.

Why don't you just

throw this over as well?

Okay.

Oh.

Okay, never mind.

You'll have to climb the wall

and pull me up.

Okay, I'm not very good

at climbing.

Oh, for pity's sake. Of course you are.

Look at your arms.

Hmm. That's a good point.

That's a good point.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Ah...

Aah! No! Ooh! Aah!

Bravo.

Thank you.

Oh, do hurry up.

You're making too much noise.

Aah! Ow!

Oh, sorry.

- Ow.

- Do you think you can lift it?

- I guess so.

- Then get it over to the window

and throw it out

into the bushes.

I'll keep watch.

What are you doing?

Just one second, please.

Almost there.

Stop it.

Stop it.

- Is there a problem?

- Why don't you just play a trumpet

and sing "The Star-Spangled

Banner" while you're at it?

I could give it a try.

Oh, but I don't have a trumpet.

And I don't know

that song that well.

Wait. You don't want me

to do that.

I'm on to you, mister.

I am on to you.

I knew it!

- You terrible thieves!

- A fair assessment.

Oh!

Lionel!

Yes!

Lionel Frost!

I know this is you in there.

Ooh!

I do not even want to know

how you got this.

There was a nun.

We mugged her.

Oh, my dear.

I think you've made a mistake.

You're right, it's me.

How could you tell?

Give me back my husband's map.

Adelina, I think...

Huh?

Someone is sh**ting at you,

and it isn't me.

Did you steal from him

as well?

Oh...

Aah!

We really don't have time

for this.

I mean to get

to the Himalayas,

- and I need your map to do it.

- Not so fast.

Please, Adelina. What possible

need could you have for this?

Something you said to me.

It is time

for this unhappy bird...

...to break out of her cage.

- Adelina?

- That's right, Sir Lionel Frost.

And your big, hairy f...

- I'm sorry. Who's this?

- I'll explain later.

Oh, I don't care.

The point is, I'm coming with you.

I don't really have a say

in the matter, do I?

- Para nada.

- All right, fine.

Quickly!

We must climb aboard!

- Huh?

- The train is leaving!

Oh!

What? We will miss it.

Change of plan. We must give

this villain the slip.

Oh, no, you don't.

Follow me. We must find

an alternative route.

No time to dawdle.

Hyah! Hyah!

From New York,

we can find passage to London

and easily navigate the

European continent by rail.

On through India,

and from there,

it's just a tidy step to the

foothills of the Himalayas

and our ultimate destination:

Shangri-La.

Shangri-La? No!

I can't believe it!

Oh, my goodness! This sounds...

Oh, my goodness!

That is great!

This can't be happ...

What is that, exactly?

Is it a... Is it a place?

It has been called many names:

Shambhala, Agartha,

the Valley of the Blue Moon.

Legend says it is a place

of uncommon beauty.

An earthly Eden

where man never grows old.

Actually, Aldous believed

that this story

was not quite right.

He believed that the valley was not

the home of men who had never aged,

but of men

who had never evolved.

Early man.

- Like me?

- Like you.

Yes. Yes, that's right.

An undiscovered

civilization of yetis,

living and flourishing

in isolation.

Quite a tall tale, but I think

he was on to something.

And I will follow

in his footsteps

all the way to the prize.

But I don't see a

path to Shangri-La on this map.

Just directions to Gamu?

What's that?

Not what, but who.

The exact location of the

mythical valley was thought lost,

- but Aldous learned...

- Aldous, Aldous.

- Excuse me, it's my turn.

- Carry on.

Aldous learned of

a mountain guide named Gamu

who knew the secret ways

through the mountains.

Aldous believed

if we find Shangri-La,

we find the yeti.

Yes, and then, Mr. Link,

you will at last be united

with your lost brethren.

I'm a quiet guy at heart,

but do you mind

if I just kind of...

growl a little bit

in excitement?

That was fun.

Yes, let's not

get overexcited, shall we?

You know, I really

didn't think it was possible.

And yet here you are

in front of my face.

I cannot believe it.

All these years,

my husband searched for this.

I wish...

I wish he could have

been here to see it.

Hmm. Poor Adelina.

That does not mean

I'm happy about you.

That is really rather

unreasonable, I must say.

You know what?

I'm gonna just be over here.

I'm gonna stare out the window

for a long time.

Uh!

Oh, my word. Look at...

What is that, the sky?

Hyah! Hyah!

- Oh, do hurry it up.

- Be patient.

Can't you see poor Mr. Link

is nervous?

Oh, believe me, he's got a lot more to

worry about than boarding this boat.

What do you mean?

Oh, Adelina.

Let me say this very clearly.

The hunter that follows us

will not give up the chase easily.

You understand?

He's still on our tail.

Have no doubt.

If he catches us,

he will sh**t you dead, skin you,

and have your pelt

as his hearthrug.

And if that happens,

well, then...

I mean, I have...

I'll have no chance of winning my wager.

Lionel!

Dios mío.

Stenk followed them on board

a cargo steamer bound for London.

He says he'll deliver them

to you, dot-dot-dot,

dead or alive,

exclamation mark.

Hire th*gs.

Bribe the port authorities.

As soon as that ship

reaches dry land,

we'll be waiting for them.

Hmm.

Come in.

Qué es lo que quiere

éste ahora?

What do you say

to a peace offering?

Eh. I don't mind if I do.

Hmm. Yes, I thought perhaps

we might clear the air.

My air?

No, no, no.

My air is clear.

But Mr. Link? I think perhaps

his air is all stuffed up.

He thinks so highly

of you, Lionel.

He really believes in you.

And yet you treat him so poorly.

Name one time that

I've ever treated him poorly.

You poke him with your stick.

You make him carry your bag

like he's your servant.

- You tell him he smells of wet dog.

- Yes, I said name one.

You put yourself first

and always Mr. Link second.

Adelina,

that's simply not true.

Is that really

what you think of me?

Yes.

Oh, now, steady on...

You do not seem

so steady yourself.

Perhaps it is time

you made a step

in a different direction.

I haven't the faintest idea

of what you're talking about.

Hmm?

Look at him.

His hope rests

in your hand, Lionel.

Talk to him.

Can't you do it?

Go now,

or I'll throw you overboard.

Go.

Oh. Sir Lionel. I, uh...

was just getting

some fresh air.

Uh... you seem, um,

you seem troubled, Mr. Link.

Sir Lionel, have you ever

wanted something so bad

it hurt inside,

like gas, but sadder?

Hmm. Well... yes.

As a matter of fact, I have.

As long as

I can remember, I...

I wished to become

a great adventurer,

respected throughout

the Empire.

Well, it hasn't quite

worked out that way.

Not yet.

But someday.

Yes, someday people

will remember my deeds

and know my name.

Of course they will.

Your name is gonna

go down in history

as the world's

greatest adventurer.

Now,

not the greatest, surely.

At least you have a name.

One of your own, I mean.

I don't think

"Mr. Link" really counts.

Well, then...

perhaps we might remedy that.

- What do you mean?

- You must choose a name.

Um, a name that has

special meaning to you.

Yes, perhaps...

perhaps the name

of someone in your life

who touched you... here.

My nipple?

Heart. Your heart.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, some years back,

there was a young prospector

who came to live in the woods

to try their luck

on the high mountain rivers.

One day, they came

close to my cave,

while out picking berries.

And they saw me,

and they were just standing there.

And when I looked at them,

they didn't scream, didn't turn

and run away like most people do.

They just... They just smiled.

And that smile

meant the world to me.

Perfect.

And... And what was

the prospector's name?

Susan.

Su... Susan?

Yeah, Susan.

That should be my name.

So, this prospector

was a girl?

Yes, that's correct.

Well, then

that is a girl's name.

Uh-huh.

Well, yes, I...

Um... it suits you.

And now...

Now we must rest.

We have a long way to go,

but I assure you,

we will reach the Himalayas

and find this lost civilization of

yetis, this Shangri-La.

We will find your place.

Good night, uh...

Susan.

Susan.

Wow, that was positively

altruistic, if I do say so myself.

Adelina? What's wrong?

What, are you lost for words?

Stenk! Leave her alone.

- Your fight is with me.

- Mm-hmm.

Put your hands

where I can see 'em.

- Huh?

- Whoa. No.

Give me...

Aah!

Quit yankin' on my sh**ter!

Lionel, look out!

Get your hands off of him!

Get off of me!

Hey, you! Don't you touch him!

Oh!

Help me!

I got you now.

MR. - I can't reach!

The life buoy! The life buoy!

- Throw the life buoy!

- Okay.

Uh... Aha!

Wha...

Aah!

That's a little bit

below the belt, isn't it?

What?

Oh God. Okay...

I've got ya!

Over here!

Help!

Could you hold on a second?

I am!

I'm here!

Oh!

Yah!

Aah!

Huh?

A monster!

And he's got

a defenseless girl!

- Monster?

- Defenseless?

- Get 'em!

- Come on!

This way!

Oh, and-and, Mr. Link,

keep your trousers on, please.

There's a good chap.

Aw, sh**t. The boss

ain't gonna like this.

Are you positive

about this, Mr. Stenk?

Oh, yeah. A whole lost world

is what he said.

Big-footed critters

as far as the eye can see.

No!

I won't stand for it.

It's a mockery of man!

A sham of civilized society!

I'll run this game to ground

if it's the last thing I do.

All things considered,

I think he took that quite well.

Come along, Mr. Link.

We're one step ahead

of our adversaries,

so let's keep it that way.

And, uh, well,

we can enjoy the view while we're about.

Uh,

are we gonna need the boat again?

There's so many

beautiful things in the world.

Yes.

Oh, Lionel, look.

Oh, remarkable.

This is just like old times,

wouldn't you say?

Hmm, yes.

Yes, uh... although

the Sasquatch is new.

Aw, he's all tuckered out.

He's come a long way.

I think we all have.

Oh!

Good morning.

- Mm-mm-mm.

- Oh, Lionel.

I say, old chap,

could you loosen your grip?

My, uh, arms have gone dead.

So, what's going on?

Are we nearly there yet?

Almost, Susan, almost.

We'll soon have you

frolicking in the snow

with huge, hairy ape-men.

Just you wait and see.

Oh, boy.

A guy could dream.

Yes, this is it.

But, Lionel...

where do we go from here?

From here, my dear,

we shall rely

on my extensive

anthropological knowledge

and my keen eye

for local custom.

Do you understand English?

Yes. Hello? Hello?

Excuse me, sir.

Would you

please direct us to Gamu?

Do you understand?

Ga... mu?

The Englishman abroad.

Nyah.

Well, that's a little bit rude.

I said it's rude!

Heh. We are walking untrodden paths

through the Himalayas, Mr. Link.

This is merely

a local greeting.

Oh.

Pleased to meet you!

Take care.

You seek Gamu?

She's my grandmother.

I will take you to her.

I must warn you,

she does not like visitors,

'cause she is old and rude

and prefers solitude.

Moo.

Also, please do not,

whatever you do,

mention the...

Chicken.

- The chicken?

- Yes, please.

Never, ever mention

the chicken.

- Of course not.

- We understand.

No chicken, got it. Zip.

Uh, greetings, venerable Gamu.

- It is an honor.

- What's with the chicken?

What is he talking about?

Hmm, she says

you must join her for supper.

I'm sorry, what is this?

Yak stew.

Oh, no, thanks.

I don't eat meat.

I mean, I do eat bacon

and squirrel and chicken.

No, not chicken.

I eat fish. I said fish.

We mustn't insult our host,

Mr. Link. Eat it.

Mmm. It's delicious.

Mmm.

Gamu...

perhaps we can try

some of your tea.

It is made from yak butter.

Um, do you have anything

that doesn't come from a yak?

Yak is our life.

Yak is milk, meat,

clothes, friend.

Unusual bouquet.

And it smells funny, too.

- Oh, that is not the tea.

- No? What is it?

Dung. We burn it for fuel.

Yak?

Yak, of course.

Cookie?

I really shouldn't be having

one of these,

but, oh, they're so good.

Mmm!

Gamu, if I may,

we have traveled

many thousands of miles

to find a place

lost in the mountains,

a place I think you know.

Some call it... Shangri-La.

This place you seek

is not lost.

It is hidden,

hidden by choice.

Perhaps it is the men

who seek it who are lost.

Then you know of it?

Yes, I do.

And I know

it is not a place for man.

It is not a place for you.

No.

It's for me.

- Um...

- You have k*lled my grandmother!

Quick, quick, quick!

Someone should give her the kiss of life!

You're the man for the job.

How's my breath?

You k*lled her again!

I was mistaken.

You are right to take him

to his kind, where he belongs.

Then you will guide us?

You got to be kidding.

I will give

my granddaughter directions.

Go! Get out!

Get out of my house!

I asked you nicely,

but I'm not gonna ask you again.

Tell us what you told them!

Oh, Mr. Stenk,

you're doing this all wrong.

You mustn't threaten

the defenseless old woman.

How about the chicken?

What chicken?

No! You must threaten her

defenseless grandson instead.

Over here!

Oh!

Ow!

Oh!

Aah!

Oh! Brother.

Who is it

that comes before us?

Sir Lionel Frost.

And if I might ask, how the devil

can you speak English so well?

How can you speak English

so well?

Well, Eton, obviously.

How do you know

I'm not speaking yeti?

Because...

Look, I'm not sure exactly

where this is taking us.

Is there anything wrong with

staying exactly where we are?

Do you always speak

in questions?

I don't know. Do I?

I have a question for you.

Why did you guide us here

at the tip of a spear?

We do not wield weapons

to threaten, but to defend.

That doesn't make them

any less sharp.

- You speak with some wisdom.

- I state the obvious.

Often that is the same thing.

Well, here is an absolute.

We do not seek glory

or riches.

We're not here

to pillage your temple

or disturb your tranquility.

We want nothing from you.

Then why are you here?

That is me. Sorry.

Oh, but of course.

The country cousin.

The... redneck.

Actually...

Sorry. Actually,

I'd say more...

I think it's more...

I think it's more of a rust, isn't it?

People say red.

I find I'm more of an auburn.

I have a lot of autumn in me,

a lot of autumn colors.

Um, so, you know, we...

Anyway, I figured maybe there was

a place for me here, among you.

Come this way.

So, this is it, Shangri-La.

Myth made real.

Shangri-La?

That is not our name.

We call it...

How phlegmatic.

What does it mean?

"Keep out. We hate you."

This valley is unsullied,

precious.

And so it shall remain.

There is no place

for you among us.

But you're my kind,

you're my fa... my family.

No. I think not.

It seems to me,

you did not have to travel

halfway around the world

to find your kind.

Man, k*ller of life,

of hope, of dreams.

Man talks of the magic

of the world,

but it is a prize,

something to be claimed

as proof of his worth.

I mean, she has a point.

These secrets you have seen,

they are ours, and ours alone.

The outside world

must never learn the truths

of our sacred valley.

That is something

we cannot allow.

She's gonna k*ll us!

k*ll you?

We are not monsters.

Oh!

Oh, gosh.

For a minute there, I thought, just for

a second, that maybe you were going...

Throw them into the

Inescapable Pit of Isolation

and Miserable Disappointment.

Oh. I'm sorry, what?

There, you will spend

the rest of your lives

pondering

your ill transgressions.

You can't keep us here.

It's barbaric!

It is preservation.

You fiends!

Oh, this is awful.

Yes.

I'll be the laughingstock

of the club, again.

Yo no puedo creer.

Look at him.

Look!

His dream is crushed, and you...

you only talk of yourself.

Well, what about my dreams?

What?

To belong to that silly club?

These men do not like you,

they do not respect you,

they do not believe

the things that you believe.

So, why? Why do you wish

to be one of them?

Be... Because...

Because they said I couldn't.

You and Susan

are not different at all,

wanting to belong

in all the wrong places.

You could never understand.

You know something, Lionel?

All this time, I'm thinking you care

more about these legends you chase

than you do about people,

but I'm wrong.

There's only one legend Sir

Lionel Frost really cares about.

Is it a unicorn?

Oh. Wait.

You mean me, don't you?

You were never interested

in anyone but yourself.

And yet, you are surprised

that you always end up alone.

You have me wrong.

I am better

than you think I am.

Prove it.

You talk about proof,

but all you offer are words.

Where is this great man,

Sir Lionel?

Where is the proof of him?

Where is the proof of his worth?

I think perhaps

the great Sir Lionel Frost...

is a myth.

It is time to

settle our debt, Susan.

I promised I'd take you

to the place you belong,

and I'm a man of my word.

The Elder is right.

You don't belong here.

Now, get up. We're leaving.

Now, hold me tightly.

Are you... Are you sure?

Um, Adelina's watching.

What? No, no. I want you

to throw me out of the pit.

Uh, I don't know.

I think you might be a little too heavy.

Nonsense.

Now, give it all you've got.

Oh. It's hard to know

whose fault that was.

Let's do it again.

Oh!

Adelina, throw something down.

A rope would be better.

I don't know. Three more of

them, and we could build a ramp.

Oh, that feels lovely.

Oh, no!

Um...

nice place.

Aah!

The people we don't want here

are leaving!

Force them to stay!

Aah!

Tie this to your waist.

We have a treacherous climb

ahead of us. Quickly!

I don't think I have

my knot... Aah!

This is where it ends, Frost.

I can't allow you

to go any further.

Look at you.

Hand in hand

with apes and women.

You'll never be one of us.

Quite right. I never shall.

You know, I really

don't care to anymore.

I have changed my mind.

I... I have evolved.

What? Heh! That's...

That's preposterous.

Of course you want to be

one of us.

We are great men!

We shape the world!

It's funny...

I actually used to think that.

But now... now I rather think

the world shapes us.

That was pretty good,

wasn't it?

One of you should

write that down.

- Excuse me. Can I borrow your...

- Hmm?

You would cast aside

everything for that...

that... thing?

Yes. Yes, I would.

And I'll have you know

that that thing has a name.

It's Susan.

That thing is an abomination!

That thing is more of a man

than you'll ever be.

And what's more,

he's my friend,

which is a far better prize than any

fellowship with the likes of you.

If you are still intent

on doing him harm,

then you'll have to find

a way through me first.

And me also.

Yeah, and me.

- You don't do that.

- Oh, yeah. Right.

Go through... Go through them.

You can keep your missing link

and your lost world.

You're welcome to them.

No one will ever know

what you found here.

And no one will ever

remember your name.

Uh, my Lord?

Order will prevail!

Civilization endures!

You're a bad man.

Run.

Huh?

Oh, bugger.

Oh!

Oh, no, no!

Ugh! Why am I always dangly?

Are we dead?

Not yet.

Seems you've had

your day at last, Frost.

Now... Now here comes

the thaw.

It doesn't have to be

this way, Stenk.

Piggot-Dunceby's gone.

It ain't about the paycheck

no more.

Now it's just a matter of

shallow, self-centered pride.

Careful, Stenk. You know what

they say pride comes before.

Wait, I know this.

Is it Tuesday?

Hah!

Aah!

Wha...?

Aah!

Susan, try and reach the side!

Oh!

I can't get a hold!

Yes.

Oh, no!

Aah!

I wanted to say thank you

for what you said back there.

Ah, don't even mention it.

Okay.

So, what happens now?

I...

I don't know.

Uh, well, it turns out I'm on

the lookout for a new valet.

Partner.

Uh, partner.

You wouldn't happen

to know anyone, would you?

I could ask around

if you want.

Maybe the guy in the village with

the tongue. Would he be good?

You, Mr. Link. I mean you.

Me?

Oh, my goodness!

Yes, then. Well, yes.

Of course! I do know someone!

Hmm.

Look!

Your utopia sucks!

Come along, Mr. Link.

- Yeah, and get a haircut!

- That's enough.

And your accent's weird!

Bigger person, Mr. Link.

Be the bigger person.

You have seen the world.

Remember every moment

of it, Susan.

And you, Adelina?

What did you see?

I saw proof.

You are a great man,

Sir Lionel.

But I deserve greater.

It's time I went

on my own adventure.

Not for you, not for Aldous,

not even for you, Susan.

But for myself.

Goodbye, gentlemen.

Were you leaning in

for a kiss there?

I've been there before, yeah.

I mean, I haven't,

but I could imagine that's how

it would go down with me, too.

Ooh.

This is it, Mr. Link!

The Fiji mermaid!

This, Mr. Link,

might just provide the vital clue I need

to the greatest discovery

of the century.

But I thought

we did Shangri-La already.

- No, no. Atlantis.

- You don't say?

I do say. I'd swear on it.

And you know I'm nothing

if not a man of my...

Your word, yes, got it.

Don't dally, my friend.

Adventure awaits.

Ha-ha!

Oh, boy!

Do I have time to get

my bathing suit? No?