["Change" playing]
-Mrs. Mariann.
-You have the nine and a half?
-Yeah, you're a lucky lady.
-Oh, I'm excited.
Last pair.
Let me see those beautiful feet.
The right foot's all right?
There you go. Get it in there.
[grunting]
-They're too tight.
-It's okay. All right.
-Are these the nine and a half?
-These are the nine and
a half, yeah.
Do you have the next size?
No, not in a Kerrybrooke.
But that's why I don't like
Kerrybrooke,
because they fit really small.
They're made for dolls or
something.
-They're too tight. -Okay, take
'em off. Don't worry about it.
-You ever try Vitality?
-No.
I'll be right with you.
Excuse me. Sorry.
I bought a pair of shoes here
the other day from him,
with the glasses.
-Marty.
-Yeah?
This woman said she bought
a pair of shoes from you.
Oh, yeah. You bought
the brown Mary Janes, right?
Yeah, I did. They're great.
I wore them out of the store.
-Okay.
-So I left my old ones here.
Okay. What did they look like?
They're
two-toned pumps, wingtips.
-Lloyd, did you see her shoes?
-No.
Is it possible that you maybe
put them in one of the boxes
of the other shoes that I was
trying on and restocked them?
Okay. All right. Um...
Do you mind if my colleague
helps you out for a second?
Lloyd. Can
you help with Mariann here?
Sure. Sure.
Yeah, we'll check
the basement. Come.
Thank you. Excuse me.
Lloyd's gonna help you.
Get the Vitalities.
Okay. I'll
think about the price.
I'll be right with you.
Let me finish up here.
[Mariann] Okay, thank you.
-What?
-Shh.
-[person] Marty.
-Ah, f*ck.
I wanna show
you something. Come here.
-What? -One second.
Just get low. Go low.
Why do I have to get low?
-How you doing?
-Marty, look what I got for ya.
What is this?
Check it out.
[Marty] What am I looking at?
Turn it over.
-Manager?
-Manager.
Come on, Murray.
Whatever you do, just
don't tell Lloyd about this.
Look, I've been
very clear with you.
I'm not trying to be
disrespectful. You built
something very commendable here.
I don't wanna--
I don't wanna discuss this now.
Stop. Stop.
Let me say something.
It's been good for my soul to
see this up close and personal.
-But I'm not a shoe salesman.
-I don't wanna discuss this.
-I'm not a shoe salesman. -I
don't wanna discuss this, okay?
I do wanna discuss it,
'cause when I'm back from my
trip, this is over.
I'm not coming
back and doing this.
Speaking of which, can we settle
up now? I gotta buy my
plane ticket.
We'll settle at closing.
I wanted to see the travel agent
on my break.
You'll never come back
after your lunch break.
That's what you think of me?
-Yes. -You think
I would go and not come back?
Yes. I said
settle at closing, okay?
-That's it?
-Yeah, that's it. Goodbye.
[Marty] I love you.
-Come on.
-Wait. Just wait for me.
[chuckling]
I was about...
I was about to come to you.
No, Ira's home sick.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I can't get sick. -What?
I got the championships.
No, it's food poisoning.
It's food poisoning.
["Forever Young" playing]
[moaning]
I wish I could
hide you in my luggage.
I wanna come with you so bad.
[both breathing heavily]
Let's dance in style
Let's dance for a while
Heaven can wait
We're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best
But expecting the worst
Are you gonna
drop the b*mb or not?
Let us die young
Or let us live forever
We don't have the power
But we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit
Life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men
Can you imagine
when this race is won?
Turn our golden
faces into the sun
Praising our leaders
We're getting in tune
The music's played by the...
The madmen
Forever young
I want to be forever young
Do you really
want to live forever?
Forever and ever
Forever young
I want to be forever young
Do you really
want to live forever?
Backhand. Backhand. Backhand.
Forehand. Forehand. Forehand.
Backhand. Backhand. Backhand.
Forehand. Forehand.
Backhand. Backhand.
And lob.
[groans]
Forehand.
-Marty!
-What!
-Phone!
-Tell him I left 20 minutes ago!
I'm not your g*dd*mn messenger!
Pick up the g*dd*mn phone!
I can't. Wally,
take the white shirt off.
I can't follow the white ball
against the white shirt.
Stop it. You're
a f*cking sun dodger.
Oh, yeah?
I love you. I love you.
Hello?
It's Judy.
Hi, Judy.
Your mother, she's very sick.
Okay, really?
Yes. She's gray in the face.
She's speaking nonsense.
She's asking for you.
You should come home.
Sounds really bad. You should
probably call an ambulance.
Who's gonna go with her?
Uh, I don't know. You should
probably go since you're so
invested.
[whispering on phone]
Hold on a minute.
[Judy] He's not buying it.
[mother whispering] Just
tell him I stopped breathing!
[Judy] Absolutely not. That's
ridiculous. I'm not saying that.
Tell him you're
taking me to the hospital.
Okay, fine. I'll take her
to the emergency room
and sit there
and wait for God knows how long.
And you can come here
and give my husband his medicine
and massage
his feet all night long.
[mother] Tell him I passed out.
[Judy] Oh, my God! Your mother,
she just lost consciousness.
[Judy] You've
gotta come home now.
[Ira] Hello?
Hi. Just give me a second.
[Marty] I don't know
what you want me to say, Judy.
I'm busy. I'm on my lunch break.
I can hear her whispering.
She's right there standing
next to you.
-[Judy] I told you she passed
out. -[Marty] It's
annoying me now.
Who are you talking to?
Oh. I'm not talking to anybody.
Judy's just been tying
up the line for an hour.
I got you some broth.
It's ice cold.
Yeah, 'cause the line
was really long at the shop.
Oh, yeah? So that's what they'll
say if I call down and ask?
You don't believe me?
You calling me a liar?
Pick up the phone and call them.
You're gonna have to get Judy
off the phone first.
-Oh, okay.
-[Judy speaks indistinctly]
Hey, Judy, get off the phone.
[rattling]
[spraying]
Okay, this is
a normal IATT approved ball.
Try to follow the white ball
against the white.
Almost impossible, right?
I don't even
see your eyes moving.
If I'm wearing a white shirt,
you can't see the ball.
Now, imagine it with an orange
ball, which no one's ever
thought of.
See? You're already following it
way better. Look at his eyes.
-See how his eyes are looking?
-Yeah, I see it.
[Marty] You're
looking more engaged now.
So that's what we wanna do.
Right now in the world of
table tennis,
you're obliged to wear black,
just so you can follow
the white ball.
Look at this. That's Ted Bailey.
Who's that?
That's the number one ranked
player in the world right now.
He's the British champion. I've
already beat him, by the way.
Now look at this.
That's Jack Kramer,
number one tennis player.
-What's the difference there?
-He's wearing all white.
He's in all
white. It's beautiful.
To me, that's luxury. To me,
that's class.
You could sell that.
Marty, a custom ball like that
is gonna cost a lot of money.
Of course it's custom.
It's an original ball for
an original guy.
It's the Marty Supreme ball,
not the Marty Normal ball.
But what's it gonna cost?
It doesn't matter the cost.
We can't cheap out on this.
It's gonna be
nominal, Mr. Galanis.
[person] You always said
we gotta spend money to make
money, right?
Get me a cup of coffee.
No. Get your secretary
to get ya a cup of coffee.
Nancy's busy.
Just get me a coffee.
Dad, we're talking like men
about business here.
-I'm not getting ya a cup of
coffee. -Get me the damn coffee!
Marty, you want a coffee?
No, I'm all right.
I'm not drinking caffeine.
Listen.
I appreciate
you're friends with my son.
-He's limited.
-[scoffs]
He's 30 years old.
He's still living at home.
He hasn't done much.
And he doesn't know business.
He doesn't know the costs.
I don't think he's limited,
Mr. Galanis, respectfully.
I mean, look at
your business success.
That's in your DNA, and
you passed that through to Dion.
-It just hasn't been awoken yet.
-I don't know.
I wouldn't be here trying
to involve you in something
that I didn't fully in my bones
believe in.
I have tremendous respect for
your money.
I know it's hard to believe,
but I'm telling you, this game,
it fills stadiums overseas.
And it's only a matter of time
before it fills stadiums in
the United States too,
before I'm staring at you from
the cover of a Wheaties box.
[Galanis] I don't know
nothing about this business.
[Marty] No, you don't.
That's why you gotta trust me.
This time next week, I'll be
the first American to ever win
the British Open.
That'll slide me into the number
one ranking for
the World Championship.
Life magazine's gonna cover it.
Look magazine's gonna cover it.
They have to. The editor
of Look magazine, he loves me.
They all love me.
I'm uniquely positioned to be
the face of the entire sport in
the United States.
[upbeat music playing]
[rattling]
Lloyd!
I'm closing up.
Yeah, I can see that.
Just here to see my uncle.
He left.
He left? What do
you mean he left? For the day?
He had to take your mother
to the hospital.
For crying out
loud. She's not sick.
Hey, Lloyd, he owes me money.
We were supposed to settle
up today.
Well, maybe if you didn't
take that five-hour lunch,
-you would have spoke with him.
-Oh, shut up.
[dialing]
[ringing]
[mother] Hello.
You're sounding a lot better,
huh? That happened quick.
[chuckles] I'll
live, no thanks to you!
Enough, Mom.
Are you with Murray? Be honest.
No. I think
he left for his trip. Okay?
His trip? What trip?
He's taking Esther to Kutchers
for the weekend.
But he would have stayed
if I asked him to.
You're not sick, Mom.
He was supposed to give me my
money for my flight.
Well, I don't know anything
about that, sweetie.
Yes, you do! Why do you think
I'm working here?
I literally only
accepted this job for that.
I have no idea
what you are implying.
-You know what this is?
- What, what is this?
This is sabotage.
You're sabotaging me.
Oh, please.
You're sabotaging your own life.
[door opens]
-What is that?
-What?
Are you seriously thinking
I'm gonna rob you?
Just a reflex.
If I wanted to rob you,
you'd be dead.
You'd be in a pool of blood.
I came to grab my suit.
You know I bought this
specifically for my trip?
Didn't know you need a suit
to play ping pong.
I just want
the $700 that Murray owes me.
Yeah, or what?
-Or I'm gonna sh**t
you in the leg. -No you're not.
You sure about that?
You sh**t me in the leg,
you'll be spending the next few
years in jail.
I'll sh**t
you in the head instead.
You're not gonna do that either.
Look, Lloyd, I just want what
was promised to me,
not a penny more.
I'm gonna be coming home with
ten times that amount in
prize money.
So just turn the other cheek,
let me take what I'm owed,
and I'll give you an even
$100 dollars when I get back.
Not interested.
Lloyd, come on.
Look at me, please.
We both know you'd love nothing
more than to see my a*s
get canned.
You're a thousand times more
motivated than me to do
this job,
and yet look at this, okay?
Look.
Murray gave
that to me. Flip it over.
Manager. I'm gonna be your boss!
How unfair is that? I could
fire you whenever I want.
I could tell you to sweep the
floor on your hands and knees.
How about that, okay?
[sighs]
Lloyd, I'm actually
pointing a g*n at you right now.
I'm actually
threatening to use it.
This is a legit robbery like any
other. My fingerprints are all
over this thing.
These are facts.
So open the safe,
let me take what I'm owed,
and you can call Murray,
tell him exactly what happened,
get me fired, press charges.
Whatever you want, okay?
Fine.
["I Have the Touch" playing]
-[flight attendant]
Here you go, sir. -Thank you.
The time I like
is the rush hour
'Cause I like the rush
[thunderclap]
The pushing of the people
I like it all so much
Such a mass of motion
Do not know where it goes
We don't get our own rooms?
It's freezing in here.
[photographer] I really need you
to be serious now. Eyes on me.
Pakistan, I need
you to look at me.
Wait, Japan brought
a team this year? You see that?
Yeah. The Japs sent a team.
What about the travel ban?
-They must have lifted it.
-No more travel ban?
[photographer] Okay, gentlemen,
I want you to flip your paddles
for me now.
Thank you very much.
Here we go. One. Two. Three.
Hold it still.
["I Have the Touch" continues]
Shake hands
Shake hands
[music ends]
[Marty grunting]
[umpire 1] Match point, Mauser.
[crowd applauding]
[both grunting]
Match, Mauser.
[crowd cheering]
You let me get to my forehand
too much. Should've tried to put
me in my backhand.
[umpire 2] Point, Endo.
[crowd applauding]
[tense music playing]
[umpire 2] Point, Endo.
-What's the score here?
-Nineteen-four.
-The Japanese guy?
-Japanese guy's trashing Bailey.
What's he using?
What's that paddle?
[spectator] I don't
know, mate. No one knows.
It's silent.
-[spectator] Like a ghost!
-[Marty] Wow.
[umpire 2] Point, Endo.
Match point.
-Great game, Marty.
-Great game.
[umpire 3] Match, Mauser.
The winners of the tournament
at Stockholm...
Hey. You're Ram Sethi, right?
Sorry, could
you hold for a moment?
-You don't mind? -No.
Can I help you with something?
I was just curious,
where are you staying while
you're in town?
What business is it of yours?
I'm just saying,
what hotel are you staying at?
All the IATT representatives
are stationed at the Ritz.
-At the Ritz? Yeah,
that's what I heard. -Yes.
-Do you think that's okay? -I
don't know what you're implying.
-Have you seen where
they put me? -Is it a problem?
Well, with all due respect, sir,
it's a dump.
I'm so sorry it doesn't meet
your high standards.
We offer complimentary housing
to all our players, Mr. Mauser.
So far as I know,
you're the only one to complain.
You're talking to me like I'm
any player off the street, okay?
I need good rest
so I can win the tournament.
You know perfectly well what
an American win will do for
the future of the sport.
-I'm good for table tennis,
Mr. Sethi. -Appeal to the USTTA.
There is no USTTA. The USTTA is
two guys and a desk.
It doesn't exist.
-Well, that's not my problem.
-It is your problem.
I wanna stay where you're
staying! That's what I need!
I am finding this whole exchange
really offensive.
-You're offended?
-I am offended.
I'm offended! You're making
your star player huddle in
a rat's a*s!
I'm so sorry for
that interruption.
Um, back to Ceylon and Mexico...
-This is a nice hotel. Must
cost a mint. -Yeah, very nice.
The IATT covers accommodations?
-Only for their star players.
-Is that right? How many
are there?
Star players? I don't know. I
haven't seen any others, so one.
Any nerves,
going into the semis?
Nerves? Against Kletzki?
No. You kidding me?
Well, he's won the tournament
for the last three years.
-He's got quite the reputation.
-[Marty] I have quite
the reputation.
Look, I'm gonna do to Kletzki
what Auschwitz couldn't.
Okay. I'm gonna finish the job.
-Jesus Christ. -[reporter
1] A little strong, mate.
It's all right.
I'm Jewish. I can say that.
In fact, if you think about it,
I'm like Hitler's worst
nightmare.
And why's that?
Look at me. I'm here.
I did it, I'm on top.
I'm the ultimate product of
Hitler's defeat.
Yeah, write that down.
That was good. Write that down.
-[reporter 1] Nice one.
-"Ultimate product of Hitler's
defeat."
-I do like that confidence.
-Put that under a picture of me.
-Tell us a bit about
your background. -My background?
[snores]
[reporters laugh]
No, but seriously...
My mother died in childbirth.
My father was a compulsive loser
who abandoned me when I was two
years old.
I got stuck in the New York City
orphanage system,
got shuttled from one hellhole
to the next.
-Naturally, got in trouble with
the law. -Isn't that Kay Stone?
I don't want any
of that to define me.
Excuse me. Excuse me. What?
-It's Kay Stone over there.
-That's her.
[Marty] Who's that?
[reporter 2] Well, you know,
the movie actress. Like,
from the 1930s.
- Opportunities .
- Opportunities ?
-That was good.
-Yeah, yeah. Great movie.
- Black Box .
-My dad loved her.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-[Marty] She was big?
-[reporter 3] She was huge.
[reporter 1] Came
and went. That's her.
-[reporter 3] That's Hollywood,
mate. -[reporter 1] Yeah.
It's her.
[reporter 2] It is indeed.
Something about a lake?
- Shadow Lake .
-Yeah, that was good.
[reporter 1] Great
legs. Gorgeous, mate. Gorgeous.
Think I have a chance, lads?
Next question.
[ringing]
[line clicks]
[Kay] Hello?
-Kay?
- Speaking.
Hey, it's Marty Mauser.
I'm in the Royal Suite.
I saw you in
the lobby yesterday.
Okay.
Yeah, we made eye contact.
I was being interviewed.
[Kay scoffs]
I don't recall.
Well, I'm a huge admirer.
Okay. Can I help
you with something?
Maybe. I just ordered one of
everything off the room
service menu.
There's no way I'll be able to
eat it all alone.
Ah.
So you'd like me to
come up to your room?
-Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Perhaps I
should send my husband instead.
Sure. He can come up here,
and I'll come down to you.
- Wonderful. Thank you. Goodbye.
-Wait. I wanna keep talking.
[scoffs] Why is that?
Because I've never talked to
an actual movie star.
Well, now you have. I hope
the experience was all
you thought it would be.
You know, I'm something
of a performer too.
- Are you?
-Yeah. You don't believe me?
I... [stammers]
You... What? What?
You're a performer?
Yeah, I'm a performer. You got
the Daily Mail in front of you?
Uh, I do have it, yes.
Okay. Well, turn to page 12.
[Kay sighs]
Uh...
Page 12.
Okay. What am I looking at here?
- Down the middle,
in the center. -Uh.
This is you?
Yeah, "the chosen one."
It's a nice picture, right?
Ping pong?
I play table tennis. I'm here
competing in the British Open.
-How old are you?
- I'm 23.
Twenty-three.
Yeah.
I bet you can't
name one film I've done.
What makes you say that?
Because I stopped acting
before you were born.
- Really? That's
really interesting. -Mm-hmm.
Kay, did you use my razor
to shave your legs?
It's dull. I've cut myself.
-No.
- Who's that? Your husband?
I guess someone must've snuck in
and chopped wood with it.
-I'm on the phone.
- Holy sh*t.
-[husband] With whom?
-[Kay] Debbie.
-[husband] Debbie.
-[Marty] Debbie?
Tell her to get a life.
- Is he gone?
-Mm-hmm.
Okay.
So, why'd you stop acting?
Let's talk about that.
You know, I really have to go.
You must miss it, don't you?
Come watch me play at Wembley
tomorrow.
I... I can't.
Come on. You can watch me
dethrone the number one ranked
player in the world.
I'm not available.
Oh, yeah? What you got going on?
Actually, I have a big
promotional event to attend to
for my husband.
Oh, okay.
What's he promoting?
Pens.
-[laughs] Pens? Are you serious?
-Pens.
- Like, writing pens?
-Yes.
What, like, he's a pen salesman?
How can you afford
the suite you're in?
He owns Rockwell Ink.
Oh. Okay. Well...
Yes.
- I know Rockwell Ink.
-I'm sure you do.
[chuckles] Okay.
Well, what's the event?
He's hired Agatha Christie
to sign books at Hatchards.
Ooh.
That sounds really boring.
Okay.
[Kay sighs]
[dreamy music playing]
-[phone ringing]
-[Kay] Oh, for God's sake.
-What is it? [sighs]
-[Marty] Don't hang up.
Just one question.
Does your room face
the street or the courtyard?
I don't know.
Just answer the question.
Is it facing the street or
the courtyard?
-The courtyard.
- Okay.
I need you to go to the window.
What floor are you on?
I'm on the third
floor, I believe.
Third floor. Okay, perfect.
Look across the street.
You see the open window with
a bowl of fruit on the table?
I do.
Here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna make an apple appear
in that bowl.
And if I do, you're gonna blow
off your little rendezvous and
come watch me play.
No, no, no. I'm not
agreeing to anything, no.
You don't have to agree to
anything. I'm gonna do
it anyway. Okay? One...
two...
three.
I'll leave a ticket for you
at the box office.
[hangs up]
[crowd applauding]
[announcer] Point, Mauser.
Twenty to five.
Kletzki trails
Mauser two games to nil.
Game and match point, Mauser.
-Let's have a little
fun with this one. -Okay.
-Have a little fun, all right?
-Gotcha.
[announcer]
Service switches to Kletzki.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[grunts]
[cheering continues]
[announcer] Point, Kletzki.
Very well, gentlemen.
Thank you for that. Thank you.
Kletzki serves 6-20.
Mauser leads two games to zero.
Match point
again for Mr. Mauser.
Your service again, Kletzki.
[chuckles, grunts]
[announcer] Point, Mauser!
[crowd cheering]
[announcer] Mauser wins the game
and match by 21-6.
Three games to nil.
Mauser's on to the finals where
he will face Koto Endo of Japan.
Get whatever you want. Don't
even look at the prices, okay?
What are you getting?
I'm gonna get
the Beef Wellington and
the caviar tasting plate
because they're the most
expensive items on the menu.
Listen, I would like to keep
going back a little bit about
the Globetrotters.
-About the Harlem Globetrotters,
again? -Yes.
-I told you, I'm not interested.
-Why not?
'Cause I don't wanna do it.
It's great money.
And we will travel all over
the world. Have you seen Venice?
I don't wanna be doing
trick shots for a halftime show
while people are
going to the bathroom.
That's beneath me, okay?
-They're treated like royalty.
-Where's the waiter?
-Listen, I know people
who have done this. -Excuse me.
Excuse me.
[Kletzki] It's a great
opportunity.
We should not miss it.
Marty.
[matre d'] Yes,
sir. May I help you, sir?
Hi. Can we order?
Of course, sir.
Let me fetch your waiter.
-Hang on.
-Yes.
Uh, I'll be taking care of
the Rockwell tab tonight.
Put it on my room.
The Royal Suite. Marty Mauser.
-And make sure they know it's
me, too. -I will.
Leave it to me, sir.
-Don't take no for an answer.
-I won't.
-Marty Mauser. Royal Suite.
Go tell 'em. -Will do, sir.
Okay. Look at me.
Don't look there. Look at me.
-Who's Rockwell?
-Some bozo.
Look over now. Be subtle
about it. What's he doing?
He hasn't been here before, sir.
He's looking at us.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Okay, keep
talking to me. Be normal.
I want you to reconsider.
We would be a great team.
I wanna do this with you.
Why are you so fixed
on the Harlem Globetrotters?
It's very sad
what they do, okay?
Some of the premier athletes on
the planet reduced to acting
like circus clowns.
What's he doing now?
Actually, he's
coming towards us.
-Just be normal. Act casual.
-Okay, fine. Okay.
Excuse me. Do I know you?
Mm-mmm.
I don't think so.
And you wanna buy dinner
for my entire table tonight?
-[Marty] Yeah. Is it okay?
-Why?
What do you mean,
why? Do I need a reason?
Let me rephrase
that. What do you want?
No, I don't want anything.
It's just my small way of saying
thank you.
-Thank you?
-Yeah.
Thank me for what, specifically?
For all your products.
I mean, where
would we be without pens?
You know, I have many talents,
but the one I'm most proud of
is the ability to smell bullshit
from a mile away--
I'm being completely sincere.
-Where are you from?
-New York. What about you?
New York too. What do you do?
I'm a professional athlete.
-Really? What sport?
-Table tennis.
Table tennis? That's a sport?
Of course it is. I'm here
competing in the British Open.
I'm playing at Wembley tomorrow
in front of a sold-out crowd
in the finals against Japan.
I'm here
representing the United States.
Wait, wait, wait. Japan?
Japan has a team here?
-That's what I just said. -How'd
they get around the travel ban?
Because table tennis is the
fastest growing sport in Asia.
It's huge over there.
Oh, you're gonna like this.
Do you know what they call
their grip? The way they hold
their rackets?
-No.
-They call it penholder.
So what?
You can use that.
Use it for what?
For an advertisement or
something. I don't know,
you're the business guy.
I'm being rude. This is
my associate, Bla Kletzki.
Nice to meet you, sir.
I assume you're
a table tennis player also?
I am. I am. Actually, I was the
World Champion from '35 to '39.
He was the World Champion.
I beat him today.
He beat me. But
he's much younger than me.
[Marty] I'm much better
than him, much more talented.
I can't help but notice this
tattoo. You were in one of
the camps, weren't you?
Auschwitz-Birkenau.
Yeah. Why do you ask?
My son lost
his life liberating you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I thought you were liberated
by the Soviets.
-We were.
-It wasn't the Americans.
I didn't mean it literally.
He was serving in
the South Pacific.
Well, what happened to him?
What do you mean? He was k*lled.
[chuckles]
You find that funny?
Oh, God. No, I just get
nervous laughter sometimes.
If it's any consolation,
I'll be dropping a third atom
b*mb on their heads tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm sure his mother's
gonna get a lot of comfort
that you're playing ping pong
in his honor.
It's not that big of a deal,
but I appreciate it.
Tell him-- He used to
diffuse bombs for the Nazis.
Tell him
the story you told me about--
I've got a whole
table of people waiting.
Wait, wait. You're
gonna love this story. Tell him.
-You wanna hear it?
-Not really, but go ahead.
[Marty] No,
tell him. It's beautiful.
Okay, I'll make it quick. So...
when I first got to the camp,
I was put into housing.
Lucky for me, there was
an officer who recognized me.
He had seen me in 1935 at the
World Championships in Prague.
This guy was a real fan.
I mean, a real fan, okay?
You're telling me he let
you live because you played
ping pong?
They respected my skills, yeah.
[classical music playing]
[Kletzki] So then, they taught
me how to dismantle SC bombs.
Okay?
Each morning, they would send me
into the woods with the bombs
on the outskirts of the camp
where I could only do damage
to myself.
[honeybee buzzing]
So one time,
I followed a honeybee.
A bee?
A honeybee,
all the way to its hive.
And I smoked all the bees out.
And then broke it open,
and I smeared the honey all over
my chest, my arms, everywhere.
Why?
'Cause later that night,
I let all my bunk mates to lick
the honey off of me for
nourishment.
[knocking]
[music stops]
Heads.
-f*ck.
-Endo, choice?
Serve.
I'll go to that side.
[crowd applauding]
-[announcer] On my right...
-Come on, Marty! Come on!
...Marty Mauser of the
United States, ranked second,
versus Koto Endo
of Japan, unranked.
The gentlemen will battle
to the best of five
in games to 21 points.
Each game shall be won
by at least two points.
Good luck, gentlemen.
[crowd applauding]
Quiet, please.
[spectator 1] All right!
[announcer]
Point, Endo. One-nil.
[spectator 2] Come on, America!
[announcer]
Point, Endo. Two-nil.
[spectator 3] All right, Marty!
Come on, Marty!
[announcer]
Point, Endo. Three-nil.
Point, Endo. Four-nil.
[tense music playing]
[spectator 4] Come on, Marty!
[announcer]
Point, Endo. Five-nil.
Service switches to Mauser.
Point, Mauser.
Nine serving 19.
Point, Mauser. 10-19.
Okay, Marty!
[grunting]
Point, Endo. 20-10.
Game point.
Go! Serve.
[announcer] Point, Endo. 21-10.
Game, Endo.
Endo leads two games to zero.
Point, Mauser.
Eighteen-16.
[crowd applauding]
Point, Mauser. 17-18.
[spectator 5]
Go, Marty! Come on!
[announcer]
Service switches to Mauser.
[exhales]
[spectators whistling]
[grunts] f*ck.
[crowd cheering]
[announcer] Point, Endo. 17-19.
[Marty] Oh, f*ck.
Point, Endo. 17-20.
And match point.
[crowd cheering]
[announcer] Quiet, please.
Quiet. Settle down.
Your service, Mauser.
[spectator] Come on, Marty!
[grunting]
-[crowd cheering]
-f*ck.
No, bullshit! No!
I want a rematch right now
with a standard-league hard-bat!
That is unacceptable!
What if I had a mechanical arm?
What if I put glue on the ball?
Would that be kosher?
Why, he was getting coached
the entire time! That is
unacceptable!
[shouting]
I play real table tennis!
Real table tennis!
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
[announcer] ...British
Open champion from Japan...
[Marty] f*ck you!
[announcer] ...Koto Endo!
[orchestral
newsreel music playing]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience
applauding on newsreel]
[announcer
continues speaking Japanese]
[orchestral
newsreel music concludes]
-[sirens wailing]
-[pedestrians chattering]
[restaurant patrons chattering]
[matre d' speaking French]
[in English] Do you have
a Milton Rockwell reservation?
- Excusez-moi? -Milton Rockwell
reservation, please.
Ah, Rockwell?
So, listen, Marty,
I wanna personally thank you
for introducing
me to table tennis.
I had no idea what a phenomenon
it was in the Asias.
-Oh, yeah. I know.
-And how big it is in Japan!
That's what I was
trying to tell you. It's huge.
So, I'm thinking of
incorporating it into some of
the promotional events
we're gonna be doing over there
in the fall.
How so? What are you thinking?
What I wanna do is stage
an exhibition match
around the time of
the World Championships between
you and Endo.
-Mmm.
-I think you'd like that idea.
So I'm gonna make you an offer.
I'll pay you a thousand dollars.
I'll put you up at
the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo.
And if you're leaving from
New York, I'll give you a seat
on my private plane,
and you'll fly in luxury
for the first time in your life.
Okay, we can
negotiate my price later.
But this would be before
or after the tournament?
-About a week before the event.
-No, it's gotta be after.
I can't face off against the guy
in public before
it actually counts.
Drama is very important to me.
I can't undercut the drama.
Let's not get
tied up in minutiae.
I just want to find out if
you're interested in
participating.
Oh, yeah. Of course. I'm
interested in any opportunity to
show off my talents.
And you don't have to worry
either, 'cause this time I'm
gonna obliterate him.
It's really
the racket that I'm playing,
but I can assure you,
it's gonna be a victory.
Okay, listen. I need you to
understand what this
thing's about.
This is not an official match.
It's not even a real game.
This is purely promotional, to
entertain the Japanese people,
so they buy
more of my pens, okay?
You're gonna play a few games.
You're gonna be great.
-But you can't play better
than Endo. -You want me to lose?
Marty, let me
show you something.
Biggest magazine in Japan.
You made Endo
a national treasure.
-Listen--
-Why are you showing me this?
Do you think this makes me wanna
lose? This makes me wanna win.
Sometimes, when
you lose you're a winner.
-Let me explain. Let me explain.
-I'm ten trillion times better
than Endo.
You understand that, right?
It's the racket that beat me.
-He's a mediocre player.
-I couldn't care less.
I don't care about table tennis.
This is theater.
-What are you worried about?
-My reputation.
-Your reputation?
-Yes, my reputation.
I don't wanna throw my
reputation in the trash for you.
I'm not doing it.
Aren't you playing in a
vaudeville circus act right now?
What do you mean, vaudeville?
Finish that sentence.
-What are you implying? -You're
the halftime show, Marty.
Of the Harlem Globetrotters! The
finest athletes on the planet.
[Rockwell laughing]
I've probably played in front
of 80,000 people since January.
That's funny to you?
No. You're funny to me.
I'm funny to you?
You know what's funny to me?
That you want to entertain
the Japanese so badly,
and they m*rder*d your son.
That's funny to me.
Look, you struck a nerve,
I struck a nerve.
Okay? Now we're even.
Get out.
["Everybody's Gotta
Learn Sometime" playing]
Nah, I think
you owe me a meal first.
[applause, cheering]
[emcee on PA speaking Bosnian]
[emcee, in English]
"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"!
[playing "Twinkle
Twinkle Little Star" on pots]
["Everybody's Gotta Learn
Sometime" continues playing]
And everybody's
gotta learn sometime
Everybody's
gotta learn sometime
-Everybody's gotta learn
sometime -Yeah, Coach, yeah!
Three, two, one. Say cheese.
Cheese!
[song continues playing]
[speaking French]
[seal barks]
'Cause everybody's
Gotta learn sometime
[audience laughing]
Everybody's
gotta learn sometime
Everybody's
gotta learn sometime
[seal growls]
[audience continues laughing]
-[audience continues laughing]
-[song fading]
-[dog barking]
-[faint chattering]
Excuse me.
Hello.
[announcer on radio, faint]
Please don't eat or drink
in my room. It attracts bugs.
I just go in there
to clean. That's it.
Well, you don't
seem happy to see me.
Yeah, and you don't
seem happy to see me.
So, now are
you going to be staying here?
What, is
that not okay? Don't worry.
I'll be out of
your hair in a few weeks.
Don't be stupid.
-Why? What's in a few weeks?
-World Championship.
-So, where's that gonna be?
-Tokyo.
Tokyo, Japan?
Are you asking me
if Tokyo's in Japan?
Is that a serious question?
You look very tired to me.
Yeah, 'cause I just traveled
halfway around the world.
I'm tired.
I was busy. I was working.
I was making money.
You know, while everybody
is at work in the building,
it would be a good time for
you to take a nice, long,
hot shower.
-Here.
-What's this?
-I got you something.
-Mmm.
It's from
an original Egyptian pyramid.
We built that.
Okay.
Hey, Levi. You got a lot taller.
-No, I didn't.
-Yeah, you did.
-Excuse me. Can I help you?
-Yeah. Let's go.
-Come on, come on.
-Hey! What are you doing?
-Let's go, let's go. Let's go.
-No! What the f*ck are
you doing?
-You're under arrest.
-No, I'm not!
-Yes, you are. Come here.
Stop moving! -What am I under
arrest for?
-That's my toiletries! Ow!
-You're under arrest.
-For what?
-Armed robbery. Come on.
Armed rob-- What
are you talking about?
You're gonna hurt yourself
if you keep moving!
-What is going on?
-Come on.
-Murray, where's my mother?
Murray. -I asked her to leave
for a bit.
You told her-- What the f*ck is
going on? I'm getting arrested!
Help me!
Sal, Sal. I wanna talk to him
in private. Excuse us. Just go.
-Sal? You know this guy?
-What do you want me to do?
-Just go in
the back for a while. -Yeah.
Close the door.
[Sal] All right,
if it gets crazy just holler.
What the f*ck is going on,
Murray? That money I took,
you owed me.
No, no, no, no. It was
money you stole at gunpoint.
-No, you promised me...
Excuse me. -No, you didn't...
That was my money and you took--
You promised me that money. I'm
not... Why would I make this up?
-It was money for my trip to
England.
-What happened on your trip?
What do you mean,
what happened on my trip?
-You lost!
-No, I didn't!
-You did!
-Where did you hear that?
-No, I got cheated against.
-Do you know how many times
-in the middle of the night...
-No, no. Stop with that.
-Shut up and listen to me!
-Don't lecture me.
Shut up!
You don't know how many times
I had to get woken up and bail
you out.
When did I ask you to do that?
-When have I ever asked for
your help? -You never asked me
to do that.
-Exactly!
-But I did.
And now, you're
gonna be a big boy.
-It's your turn.
-A big boy?
-Did you really just say
that to me? -Yeah. Yeah,
you know, look...
I can't support your mother
for the rest of my life.
-You're not gonna have to.
-Oh, yeah? Why not?
-Because I'm gonna step up.
-You're gonna step up? How?
In a way you can't imagine.
She's gonna be living on
Fifth Avenue
in an apartment and building
with a elevator,
and a man who works in
the elevator that takes her
every time she needs to use it.
Sure, sure,
sure. All right, look.
I'm gonna give
you two options, okay?
I think you'll
like the first one.
You come back to the shop.
This time, no more bullshit.
None of this
ping-pong mishegoss , okay?
I'm gonna give you
much more responsibility,
because truth be told,
you're an amazing salesman.
I could sell
shoes to an amputee.
So what? What's
the other option?
I press charges.
-Lloyd is a witness...
-You're not doing that.
...and you go to jail!
Really? You'd do that to
your own kin? Are you out of
your mind?
-We'll see... You took it upon
yourself. -Hey, Sal! Sal!
-What? -How much is
he paying you right now?
What are
you talking about, paying me?
How much is my uncle
paying for you to scare me?
'Cause whatever it is,
I'll double it for you to suck
my d*ck.
-What?
-Suck my d*ck.
-You have terrible breath.
-Watch your mouth, you--
-Ow! f*ck!
-Let's go. We're going now.
-He just hit me!
-Stop. Please stop.
-Murray, he hit me.
-Stop.
We worked everything out.
You were in the other room.
You didn't hear.
We already worked it out.
-He's paying back everything.
-Animal.
He gave me the money,
and everything's okay.
-Where did you get that?
-I got it from your luggage.
Are you out of your mind?
That's my money for Japan!
-Are you out of your f*cking
mind? -Let's go. Let's go.
Just take him downtown, damn it!
Take him downtown!
-Okay. All right! Okay! I'll
stop! -You're done. You're done.
-Please. Stop. Stop.
-Let's go.
-All right. Let him
go. Let him go. -Let him go?
-Let him go. Let him go.
-Sit up.
Listen, apologize.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Take his cuffs off.
-This is what's
gonna happen, okay? -Okay.
We're gonna meet your mom
at the Garden Caf.
We're gonna have
a really nice dinner.
And let's just put all this sh*t
behind us, okay?
[Marty] Okay. All right.
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. -[Sal] You're sorry?
We'll take care of everything.
Just get dressed.
-Come on. I love you.
-All right. I love you too.
Your nephew's a piece of sh*t,
you know that?
Oh, Jesus. I'm so sorry.
Here's another ten.
Yeah, all right.
Garden Caf,
huh? What do you get?
The pastrami, what else?
-Ah, pastrami.
-What do you get?
Roast beef.
-Roast beef?
-Yeah.
Goyishe cop!
[car horns honking]
Hey.
Open up. Come on.
-Break it down.
-Break it in?
f*ck!
Hey! Where you going?
sh*t.
-What happened?
-He went out the window.
-What? Wait!
-Frankie!
-What? -He's coming
down the escape right now.
There he goes! Down the escape!
-Oh, sh*t.
-Go, go, go!
[horn blares]
-I'm just gonna use the phone
in the back. -You hold it.
[rabbit chittering]
See how much he likes you?
-[on phone] Hello? -Hey, Wally.
How you doing? It's Marty.
-Are you working tonight?
-Of course I'm working.
Okay, great. Bring your cab
and as much cash as you can.
I want you to meet me at
The Halsey on 28th Street, okay?
What? You wanna
go hustling again?
Yeah, exactly.
No, no, no. I got
my a*s kicked last time.
We went all
the way to Staten Island,
and within ten minutes,
they recognized you.
It's fine. We're gonna go to
that place that Quinn was
talking about in Jersey.
That's a bad idea.
-That's your new pet.
-No, Mom, I want the armadillo.
No, I already--
You know what? I'm just
gonna get you the armadillo.
I'm gonna give him to you,
and then you can make
a decision. Okay?
They're not
reptiles. They're mammals.
Okay, great. You're a beautiful
man. I'll see you in an hour
and a half.
-Where? -At
the Halsey. Okay. I love you.
Thank you. Bye.
Good. Here you are.
Is there a way I can go out
the back or something, please?
What? Why are
you looking at me like that?
Aren't you gonna
say something to me?
What, congratulations?
-Congratulations?
-Yes.
-Are you kidding me?
-What do you want me to say?
I've been trying to get in
contact with you for eight
months.
I see what you're trying to do.
It's not gonna work.
-Excuse me?
-That's not mine.
-It is absolutely yours.
-No, it's not. I pull out.
Does Ira pull out?
-What do you want me to say to
that? -It's a simple question.
Does he pull out
when he has sex with you?
-Answer it.
-You want me to answer that?
Yes! Answer it.
Does he pull out when he...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. -[Rachel crying]
I'm a mess right now.
I'm really a mess, Rachel.
I lost in London, by the way--
Hey!
God.
What's this?
His father died.
-Bullshit! -This is my
friend since I was eight.
Am I talking to you?
Ira, I've known her
since I was eight years old.
My father just
died. She was consoling me.
Honey, it's okay.
-Shut up! Don't touch me!
-That's how you talk to
your wife?
Yeah, that's how I talk to her.
Okay.
No, no, no! Come on. Keep going.
-Keep going.
-Marty, just stop.
I'll rip that unibrow
right off his f*cking forehead!
You wanna get
physical? Like an ape?
Ira.
Ira! Come back
inside. What are you doing?
Somebody get the f*cking cops
over here, huh?
-What did you do?
-f*ck! I gotta get out of here.
Why are
you running from the cops?
Come on, he's right here!
There's no way out the back?
-What? What--
-Please! Come on. Rachel! Focus.
It leads out the back. Go.
Okay. Okay.
Thank you, thank you.
I'll tell you later.
I'll tell you later.
Guys, you see a white kid
with glasses come through here?
Nobody saw him?
No English, huh?
Please insert a nickel if you'd
like to continue
the conversation.
A nickel?
They're gonna cut us off.
-Do you have a nickel?
-No.
Mom, I'm not lying. I promise
you this will be the last time.
Are my eyes broke,
or is that m*therf*cking Mouse?
-Thank you.
-What's up, baby?
Thank you so much. I really
appreciate it. Thank you.
You smell like a fish, Marty.
That's why we gotta get a hotel
room. I need to get a shower.
How you doing? Hey,
can we get a hotel room, please?
-Four dollars.
-You said it was three dollars.
-That was for the last room.
It's four.
-Why is it four dollars now?
Let me get four bucks.
I'll pay you back, I promise.
I'm telling you right now,
we only got ten to play with.
You brought ten dollars?
-You gave me a hour notice. -How
are we supposed to make money?
I got kids! I'm
a f*cking taxi driver.
Do you have a cheaper room?
It doesn't have to be nice.
There's a room on the fifth
floor, but you can't use
the shower.
-Okay, how much is that?
-Two fifty.
Let me get three
dollars. Thank you.
You better pay me back.
You lucky I love you.
-Jimmy. Jimmy.
-It's coming out your winnings.
Give me the keys.
[Jimmy] What's that smell?
[Wally] Oh,
my God! f*ck. [groans]
-Wow! What is that?
-Oh, my God!
He had a little accident.
God! He had
an enormous accident.
-That's horrible.
-[dog groans]
-Smells like sh*t!
-f*ck!
Jimmy, you smell like sh*t.
-Is that your breath or the dog?
-Can I get my key, please?
[Jimmy] Do not go in
the elevator with that dog.
Take the stairs.
-Are you kidding me?
-[Jimmy] Wash that dog.
Goodbye, Jimmy.
-[Wally] How big is she, Marty?
-Very big. Big.
Is she popping out tomorrow?
I don't know when she's popping
out. Look,
all I know is it's not mine.
She has an agenda.
You don't know her like I do.
She's stuck in a miserable
marriage.
She has a horrible life.
She's trying to
pin it down on me.
Since we were eight years old,
she's trying to get me stuck.
-Your bummy a*s?
-Yes.
Yeah, she is crazy.
It's a biological impossibility
that that kid is mine, okay?
-So, you using raincoats?
-No, I don't need to.
So you must be sh**ting blanks.
Do you know what
continence is, Wally? No?
Every time I take
a piss, I pull back,
I hold my urine in,
and I count to ten Mississippi.
That's how
you build up the muscle.
That's how you get
a f*ck' bladder infection.
What are
you doing? That's my mail.
Are you out of your mind?
You need to grab
them g*dd*mn diapers.
[Marty] No.
And get a f*cking grip.
-[Marty] I'm not a father.
-[door slams]
[siren wails nearby]
-Yo, Marty.
-What?
What's the Ritz?
Why?
You got a $1,500 fine
from the
International Table Tennis...
-What?
-...Association and...
-And they...
-[Marty] Bring it in here!
-And they banned
your scrawny a*s. -Give me that.
-[creaking]
-[Marty yells]
-[dog howling]
-[Wally] What the f*ck?
-Are you okay?
-[man] Who the f*ck are you?
God! Help me! Get this
f*cking thing off of me!
-[howling]
-My dog!
-[Wally] Holy sh*t!
-[Marty] sh*t! What happened?
Come on! Get outta that
f*ck' tub and help me!
My dog's drowning,
man. Come on! Help me!
-Okay, I'm flipping it. Take
your arm out. -[man shouting]
-One. Two.
-Lift it off!
-Three.
-[both straining]
[man screams]
Take your arm out!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[Marty] f*ck! f*ck!
Oh, f*ck, your arm.
-Lean back. Lean back.
Don't look at it. -[groaning]
-I need to make a tourniquet.
-Oh, f*ck!
-Come here. Give me your arm.
-What are you doing?
-What are you doing?
-Give me your arm.
-[Marty] f*ck.
-Where's my dog?
Don't worry about the dog!
Give me your arm.
-Moses.
-Do nothing. Do nothing.
I got you. Don't worry.
Wally, call an ambulance!
-Are you good?
-No, I'm not good.
Where are my glasses?
I mean, are you hurt?
You just fell through the floor.
f*cking horseshit.
I'm getting our money back.
-[people shouting]
-Getting our money back?
Marty, we gotta get the f*ck out
of here. It's $2.50.
What are you talking about?
I'm asking for way more than
$2.50. You see what just
happened?
[elevator dings]
Wait here. Wait.
-For how long?
-Ten seconds.
[Halsey guest]
My shoes, my clothes.
Everything's soaking wet.
It's a mess in there.
[man shouting in pain]
-[Jimmy] Why don't you put
a sock in it? -[Halsey worker]
You wanna switch?
You! I... I told you not to use
the f*cking shower.
No, you didn't. You're the one
that rented me the room, okay?
I could have broken my neck
falling out of that ceiling.
That can
f*cking still happen too.
-Are you threatening
me right now? -Yeah, I am.
-You want to threaten me?
-Yeah.
-[worker] Basement is locked!
-Who's got the f*cking key?
Listen, man! Listen!
I want my money for my room...
-[paramedic] Ambulance.
-...and I want a reimbursement
-for my sh*t that got ruined.
-Are you serious?
You're not gonna
get your sh*t back.
-$7.50!
-You'll get nothing.
-[man] Come on. Help me!
-Paramedics.
-Good, you're here.
-Where's the patient at?
He's in here. It's his arm.
He's lost a lot of blood.
[paramedic] What happened?
-[Jimmy] Bathtub fell on him.
-[paramedic] Bathtub
fell on him?
I can't feel my arm.
Yo, Jimmy. Come on,
you gotta help me with this dog.
-I don't got nobody free.
-We gotta get him to the vet.
-I got nobody free right now.
-He's my family, man.
Listen, now. Just give me
the $2.50, and I'll get outta
here. Forget the $7.50.
-Just give me $2.50.
-I can't help you.
See the owner tomorrow.
-Kid.
-It's your shitty ceiling
-in this crummy hotel.
-Kid. Oh!
-I ain't giving you nothing.
-What?
Kid. Come on.
Just bring the dog to the vet.
I can't. I got
work. I got a job.
-I can't get fired.
-You got a job?
-I'll give you double what
you're getting. -No, I can't.
I can't.
-[dog barking] -[man]
I'll give you triple. Come on.
-[paramedic] Take
it easy. Calm down. -Okay.
Okay, look in that bag.
See the bag on the chair?
Yeah, go in
that bag, okay? Open it up.
[paramedic] I'm gonna apply
a tourniquet to you.
I'm gonna remove
the other tourniquet right now.
[man] Take 50
for yourself. Yeah.
Bring 50 for the vet, okay?
[paramedic] We got
blood squirting out.
[man] He's on 13th and 1st.
And tell him I'll be there as
soon as I can get there, okay?
[Jimmy] You're gonna give
this m*therf*cker money?
He's the one who
f*ck' dropped the tub on ya.
I told him not to
get in the f*ck' bath.
f*cking mensch, kid.
[paramedic] Stretcher ready?
We'll take him to Bellevue.
-[barking]
-[man] f*cking mensch.
[Wally] We can still turn around
-and take him to the vet.
-[Marty] No. No.
-Fifty dollars is more than
enough. -You know what's better
than 50? 100.
We can clean
house with a hundred.
Don't be greedy,
you f*cking Jew.
No, no. It's a $1,500 fine.
You're the one that showed
it to me.
By the way, we gotta do this
every night for two weeks,
-or else I can't go to Japan.
-"We"? Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not taking two weeks
off work 'cause you f*cked up.
-[dog whining]
-Hey. Take this, boy.
Take this.
There you go. Good boy.
Loosen up the collar
on this m*therf*cker, man.
-All right.
-He sound like a radiator.
[Marty] We're gonna go play,
we'll drop him off at the vet
on the way back.
-What's a couple of hours to
this guy? -Marty,
I got rides set up, man.
[Marty] Huh. Moses.
[muffled music]
[Marty sighs]
["How High The Moon" playing]
-[bowling ba*ls clacking]
-[people chatter]
[muffled announcement on PA]
[employee] Lane
three. That's you.
[music,
announcements continuing]
-Hi, how you doing?
-Could I help?
Can I get a lane?
Probably gonna be
a half hour, 40 minutes.
-That's okay.
-You all right with that?
-You want shoes?
-I'll just grab 'em later.
[people chatting]
[PA announcements continue]
[spectators gasp]
[winning player] Done. Over.
f*cking pathetic. Pay up.
Who wants next?
Can I play? Hey! Can I play?
-It's a dollar a game.
-Okay.
-What's your name?
-Seth.
Let's get a warm-up rally going.
Nah. Put up or shut up.
I don't play for free.
All right. Never heard of that.
-I'm holding.
-[player] He's holding.
[Marty] You're
holding? Why is he holding?
-[player] Have you got yours?
-Can I trust you?
Trust me, you can.
-[man] Where are we at?
-All right, Seth vs. Roger.
Dollar game.
I serve.
What are you doing?
I'm not even looking.
-One-zip.
-I wasn't even looking.
-No, you can't do that.
-What?
You gotta let
the ball hit the other side.
You can't catch
it with your paddle. My point.
-What are you talking about?
-You can't do that.
You gotta let
the ball fall off the table.
-That's ridiculous.
-You're cheating.
-I'm cheating?
-Yeah, that's called cheating.
-You're not following the rules.
-[Roger] Fine. Take the point.
-Thank you. Give me the ball.
-One-one.
[Wally] f*ck!
-[Wally's opponent] That was
close. -[Wally] That was good.
That was good.
Oh. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no. Take it.
I should have spotted you,
like, five points, man.
You've had a rough enough
day already. Keep it.
Thank you, brother. Thank you.
It's all good.
Good game.
All right, Adam. Adam, let's go.
-What do you want to put on?
-[Adam] I can go 50 cents.
[Adam's
opponent] You got a ball?
What happened to your nose?
[Adam] I got one, I got one.
Fare ran out on me.
Fare from what? What happened?
I'm a taxi
driver. From Manhattan.
-Manhattan?
-Yeah.
That's an expensive trip, man.
Oh, yeah. $20, $25.
Well, the high rollers tip five,
-so that's five in tips. And...
-[man whistles]
I f*cking get to the spot,
the guy chokes me out,
-punching me in
the back of the head. -No.
Takes my money
and run the f*ck off.
Caught up to
the m*therf*cker, and, boy...
[laughs] I beat the brights
off that m*therf*cker, man.
And I took what he had.
You took what he had?
Hell, yeah!
You f*cking damn right.
-You added that to your roll?
-Sure did.
To that fat roll
I've seen you pulling out.
It's principle.
It's f*cking principle!
I understand that.
I would keep it hidden.
I would keep that down,
if I were you, in this place.
Not everybody's as nice as
Christian is, I'm telling you.
[Marty] That's my point.
What about
that as*h*le right there?
[man talking to Wally] I don't
know who the f*ck that guy is.
-You can't serve like that.
-What do you mean?
I've been serving
like that for years.
-Hey, Roger. Roger. Hello.
-That's ridiculous.
-Give me one more minute.
-Our lane is open.
-The lane can wait. It's fine.
-No, we gotta go now.
-They're gonna give it away.
-I'm playing now.
I have been waiting all night
to bowl. Let's go. Come on.
-Roger.
-My point.
[Roger] Look
what you made me do.
I gotta go.
-What do you mean you gotta go?
-Give me my dollar back.
We're in the middle of a game.
You forfeit the game, then.
Give me my dollar.
-Give me my dollar back!
-Relax. Back up, back up.
-He's gonna leave the game?
-You didn't finish the game.
All right, then
you play. Then you play.
I'm broke, man.
I gave him my last ten.
I'll play you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, wow. I didn't know
you guys played table tennis.
Put up a dollar.
Do you have a dollar?
-[Wally] f*ck you. Put up five.
-You don't have five dollars.
Oh, wow. You must
have robbed someone.
Put your money
where your mouth is.
Why don't I put my p*nis
where your mouth is?
Red shirt, Wally and
whatever the f*ck his name is.
["Don't Let the Stars Get
in Your Eyes" playing]
[people cheering]
Mark it blank,
baby. I'll be right back.
[woman with Roger]
Where are you going?
I will mark it blank!
What's going on here?
The colored boy is about to
lose all his money.
Yeah, to this
as*h*le right here.
-[Wally] f*ck!
-[Marty] Match point.
-Match point. Here we go.
-[spectator] Wally! Come on!
[spectator 2] Don't get upset
though, Wally. Let's go.
-Yeah!
-[cheering]
It grazed the edge.
You f*cking saw that.
[Marty]
It didn't graze the edge.
-It changed. You saw that.
-It didn't graze the edge.
-No, give me my money.
-What the f*ck?
-Give me my money.
-This is b--
Give me the money.
Give me the money.
-Pay me.
-Come on.
Let me hold five for gas money.
No. You shouldn't bet
with money you don't have.
-How the f*ck am
I gonna get home? -Walk.
Just let him keep five.
-No.
-You've been a d*ck all night.
-Give me my money.
-Just stop being greedy.
-Just give him five to get home!
-This is bullshit!
-And you're f*cking smiling.
-f*ck you!
Give me the money.
Give me the money.
f*ck you.
-Yo, give him his five.
-[Marty] I don't want to.
[Wally] How
the f*ck am I gonna get home?
[Marty] That's what happens
when you talk sh*t.
-It stinks, doesn't it?
-[Wally] f*ck!
-Where's-- Where's Roger?
-sh*t.
-Yeah, I got it.
-Yeah, Rog!
Play this
numbnuts for his gas money.
You're gonna
play Roger now, okay?
-[spectator] Let's go, Roger.
-Let's go.
-Let's go right now.
-You?
I won't play
you. You're too good.
[Roger] I'll
spot you four points.
Fine. Forty dollars.
Forty dollars?
I don't have forty dollars.
[people shout out]
You want it?
Take it or leave it. I gotta go.
-Forty dollars.
-One, two, three...
Come on, who's got
cash? Who's got cash?
-[man] I got you.
-It's Team Wally. Come on.
Pitch in, pitch in. Let's
get him home. Come on, come on.
[Wally] Thank you,
everybody. Thank you.
We're gonna get you home.
We're gonna get you home.
[blond man] Great. Great.
Nothing? This whole row?
Yo, I'll put a side bet.
How much?
-Five dollars.
-You don't got more than that?
[overlapping chatter]
[Marty] Ten. Ooh, you got
a little bit of money.
Thank you. Thanks so much.
["Don't Let the Stars
Get in Your Eyes" continues]
-["The Fat Man" playing]
-One seventy-four, 175, 176,
177, 178, 179, 180, 181...
'Cause I went 200 miles
181, 182, 183...
-The Mouse is back, baby.
-...184, 185...
-Yeah!
-...186
-The Mouse is back, baby!
-...187, 192...
-Oh, this is my part.
-...197, 202, 207...
-[Wally whoops]
-What the f*ck are you doing?
Are you out of your mind?
-Wah wah wah, wah wah wah
-[Wally whoops]
Wah wah wah, wah wah wah
Wah wah wah
Wah wah wah
-Wah wah wah, wah wah wah
-[Wally laughs]
Wah wah wah, wah wah wah
Wah, wah, wah
f*ck. It's closed.
-[Marty] Let's just go to
the next town. -Next town?
That sh*t is 20 minutes away.
You see what we do? Who's
a good boy? Who's a good boy?
-[Wally] 400...
-Come over here, baby.
...401, 402, 403...
[Marty] His breathing's
a lot better.
We might not have to give
the vet any money.
-...407, 408.
-[Marty fusses dog]
408. That's 204
each. That's 50-50.
Here, here. Okay.
Wally, I was thinking. If you
give me the full amount now,
I can give you ten times that
when I get back from Japan.
-Stop, stop. Stop, Mouse.
-No, no, what do you mean?
You're not gonna f*ck me
like you do everybody else.
-You saw the fine. You saw it.
-Mouse.
I'm gonna be coming home
with ten times that.
-I'll buy you a medallion.
-I don't want no f*cking
medallion, Mouse.
I'll buy you a new cab. Don't
give me a hard time about this.
-[horn honking]
-[man] There he is!
-[Marty] Oh, f*ck.
-[people shouting]
Oh, f*ck. Marty.
Marty, let's go. Get in the car.
-Okay, just let me do
the talking. -Get in the car!
Look who it is!
Let's get this m*therf*cker!
[Marty] Gentlemen.
What's going
on? How are we doing?
-Give us our money!
-What are you talking about?
-I'm giving this guy some gas.
-Look who it is.
Don't pull that sh*t!
-You f*cking hustled us!
-I didn't hustle anyone.
I know who you are!
You're f*ck' Marty Mauser!
-Relax!
-I don't know who that is!
-Roger! Stop it! Stop!
-[dog barking]
No, relax. Relax. Relax. Relax.
Out of the f*cking car!
Get out of
the f*cking car, n*gg*r!
-Why I gotta be--
-Get the f*ck out!
-[dog barking]
-[all shouting]
[dog snarling]
[shouting]
[all shouting]
f*ck!
-Marty, let's f*cking go!
-[Marty] f*ck yourself!
["As Summer Turns
to Fall" playing]
-Go, go, go, go, go.
-[tires screech]
Wally, watch out!
Watch out! The pole!
-[Wally] No! No!
-[dog barks]
Wally, the dog. The dog, Wally.
-f*ck that dog!
-I need the dog!
f*ck the dog,
-and f*ck you,
man! f*ck you, man! -Oh, no. No!
They'll take this
out of my paycheck!
My car's f*cked up, man!
I'm gonna lose my f*cking job!
This is all I got!
I got people depending on me!
-I got real responsibilities!
-I got responsibilities too.
-No, you don't!
-What the f*ck you think--
[voices drowned out by song]
[The Jubilaires]
...may melt again
Like winter snow
That melts
With
April rain
For darling, in my heart
You always will remain
As summer turns to fall
[siren wailing]
[Marty] Thank
you so much. Thank you.
I'm gonna make
it up to you. All right?
Don't be mad at me. Okay?
I'm gonna get
you a new cab. All right?
Don't worry about
it. Wally, I love you.
Close my door.
[siren]
["The Order of
Death" by PiL playing]
Hey, Marty.
[song fades]
-Hey, Ted.
-Hey, Marty. How you doing, man?
-Is Lawrence here?
-Sorry about your loss.
It's all right.
Is Lawrence here tonight?
Uh, yeah. He's
around here somewhere.
-Okay. All right. Thank you.
-[Ted] Yeah, yeah.
-Good to see you, man.
-Yep.
[song resumes]
-How you been?
-Marty.
-Nice to see you.
-Hello, Marty.
Hey, can I stay in your
back room tonight, please?
Hey, hey. Got
your girl in the back, okay?
She pregnant. She real upset.
Oh, God. Okay. All right.
Uh, let me go talk to her,
but then please don't leave
without finding me.
-Yeah, I'll be here. Okay.
-All right. Nice to see you.
-All right, good to see you.
-Okay.
["The Order of Death" continues]
[song ends]
Hey. What are you doing here?
I don't mean to bother you.
I know you're really busy.
-What the hell happened to
your face? -I didn't really have
anywhere else to go.
-Let me see.
-He just started...
he just started yelling at me.
And he was really mad
and he was ripping my clothes.
-He did this to you?
-He was really scaring me.
I just didn't
know where else to go.
Are you mad at me?
[woman shouting
in nearby apartment]
[Ira] Rachel?
No, it's not Rachel. It's Marty.
Open the door.
[Ira] Yeah. Hang on.
What are you doing here?
[Ira groans]
Shame on you.
[groaning]
[wheezing]
[doorbell rings]
Hey, Dion. How you doing, man?
I really appreciate this.
This is my sister
Rachel, by the way.
Rachel, this is my buddy,
my business partner, Dion.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Her place flooded.
She needs a place to crash for
the night. That's okay, right?
I don't know, man, it's...
I know, but I can't have
her exposed to mold and spores
and sh*t.
D, come on, she's eight
months pregnant, all right?
Come on...
That's my nephew.
I'm not supposed
to have people over.
She's got a bad situation at
home. I can't have her going
back there. Please.
All right. Come on.
You can spend the night.
You just gotta be out of here by
tomorrow before my parents
get back.
Okay. No problem.
We should take advantage
of the time we have together.
You know, really firm up
our business plan.
That way, when your dad gets
back, he sees how
organized we are.
Yeah, he's pretty upset.
You left us with all of
this inventory for eight months.
That's fine. In a few weeks
I'll take the championship.
We'll be right back on track.
-ba*ls are right in here.
-Really? Where?
The top box.
Thanks.
-Whoa. You did the orange?
-Yep.
How'd you do the orange?
I contacted someone at Halex.
They colored
the celluloid for me.
-How?
-Money, baby.
Me and my pop,
we believe in you.
We're invested.
That's why he's been so mad.
-Check it out, Rachel.
-[Rachel grunts]
Here, check out the packaging.
"Marty Supreme. The official
Marty Mauser championship table
tennis ball.
Professionally made. Orange..."
Orange spheres?
You came up with that?
Yeah. Pretty good, right?
Pretty good? Dion,
this is... I'm stunned.
I'm stunned.
-Hand-drawn too.
-You drew this?
-Yeah.
-It's inspired.
I appreciate it.
I don't think you know
what you're capable of.
-Check it out.
-Thanks a lot.
Wow.
-It's really nice.
-[Marty chuckles]
-This is your room?
-No, it's my brother's.
You have a brother? You never
told me you had a brother.
It's a younger
brother. He moved out.
So his room is free?
-Uh, yeah.
-Let me get my sister situated.
-I'll come find
you in five minutes. -Okay.
Five minutes.
I'm really impressed, D.
-Thank you.
-Seriously.
Special guy.
Let me get the bed
comfortable for you, all right?
So are you gonna
go out there now?
Yeah, I gotta figure my plan out
for tomorrow.
Why? Plan for what?
Well, I need to
get my head together.
How so?
This rich guy hit me up for
a job. I think I'm gonna get in
touch with him.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-A job for what? What job?
-It doesn't matter.
Just to get to Japan.
-For the championship?
-Yeah.
Wow.
Everything in my life is falling
apart, but I'm gonna
figure it out.
Do you need any
help? I could help you.
-No, it's all right. It's
all right. -Can I do anything?
Are you hungry?
-No.
-You sure?
Uh, I'll just be in
the other room, all right?
-Dion, I've never seen anything
like this. -I told you, man.
Man, we have to
have a big catch-up
'cause this is the greatest
thing that's happened to me in
the last eight months.
Who would've thought? Halex?
[Marty, Dion
chattering, indistinct]
[phone line ringing]
[receptionist] Good
morning. Rockwell Ink.
Yes, hi, can I speak
to Milton Rockwell, please?
He's not in at the moment.
Can I take a message?
Okay, when are
you expecting him?
Well, he's
working off-site today.
- Again, can I take a message?
-It's hot.
Thank you so much.
Can you make some for my sister
for when she wakes up?
-She'll be really hungry.
- Hello?
You said off-site where?
I'm sorry, I can't give you
that information.
- Would you like to
leave a message or not? -Yes.
Can you apologize
to him on my behalf?
I was the young gentleman that
was supposed to have breakfast
with him this morning.
-[receptionist] I'm not
familiar. -[Marty] From
his son's battalion.
[receptionist] I'm sorry, I-- I
don't know anything about that.
[Marty] I have some personal
belongings of his son's I was
supposed to give to him.
Letters and mementos and such,
but I messed up and I overslept.
I'm leaving town today,
but I could mail it to him if
that's easier.
- No, no, no.
- No? Okay.
How about this, why don't
you try giving a call over to
the Morosco Theatre.
The Morosco Theatre.
[actor 1] So,
I'm like what? What am I doing?
[actor 2] Coming up
here to wreck my night.
[actor 1] Honest, Mama, I didn't
even know you were coming here.
[actor 2] I'm through
with you playing games.
[actor 1] I was just
coming for a good time.
I heard this was where
all the call girls gather.
[actor 2] I'm trying to rebuild
my life here.
Don't you understand that?
[actor 1] More like selling out
to the highest bidder.
[actor 2] You've got
no right to judge me, Jed.
I fought tooth and nail
for every shred of happiness
-I've ever found while you...
-Right, and what did
you give to me?
You never
believed in me. Not once!
[actor 2] You wanna wallow in
self-pity? Well,
here's an oven, Jed!
Alma!
[actor 2] I'm all right, Henry.
-Just give us a minute, please.
-[actor 1] My mama is
a dirty bird.
[actor 3] Be
careful now, Jedidiah.
And that fancy dress you put
her in is the only thing keeping
in the stench!
-[grunts]
-[gasps]
Don't you lay
a hand on my child.
I-I'm sorry, uh...
-[shouts]
-[screaming]
Mama, what did I do?
-[actor 2] Go! Run!
-[running footsteps]
[door rattles]
-The door is locked.
-[actor 2] Oh, my God.
You've gotta be kidding me!
For Christ's sake, did somebody
put a latch on the door?
-Oh, God. -I thought
we had a good rhythm going.
A good rhythm going? On what
planet is that a good rhythm
-if you're alone in a room?
-I was in it.
It's like I wasn't even there.
In it? In what?
-Glenn, I couldn't get a word
out. -I understand.
We're gonna fix it.
-That's what a rehearsal process
is for. -[actor 2] f*ck's sake.
[Glenn] Let's lose this,
by the way. Everybody take five.
Do me a favor, everybody...
-[sighs] -Somebody
needs to tell him something.
-It's impossible.
-Impossible.
[lighter clicks]
-Do you want some water?
-Yes.
-Let me bring you some.
-God.
Hey, Kay.
Hey, it's Marty.
From London.
What are you doing here?
Well, I got a friend
in the stagehands union.
I was dropping
something off for him.
-You watched that?
-Yeah, I hope that's okay.
Oh, God.
Hey, I can't
believe you're acting again.
That wasn't acting.
He won't let me act.
Yeah, no, that looked
frustrating.
What's the deal with that guy?
Don't get me started.
Yeah, you were
running circles around him.
Of course I am.
Yeah. It was unbelievable.
He stays up for
three days in a row
because his character
is supposed to be tired.
-It's obnoxious.
-Oh, God.
If he's so committed,
why'd he stop the scene?
Why didn't he punch his hand
through the screen,
unlock it from the other side?
-Right? That's what
I would've done. -Glenn!
-Yeah.
-Glenn!
-Yes. Thank you. Yes.
-I need to talk to you.
-Yes, what?
-What? What? What?
This kid understands the
character better than he does.
Excuse me?
-Tell him what you just told me.
-No, I don't want to.
No, tell him.
I was just saying you didn't
really seem like you were in
the scene is all.
-[Glenn] Uh, who is this?
-He's nobody. That's the point.
Also, you know, in my
experience, only children hold
a knife like this.
If it's a serious fight,
you hold your knife like this,
-with the blade square to
your wrist.
-This is not a street fight.
Okay, well, if you're not
going for realistic,
you might as well
add a little flair.
[onlookers exclaiming]
Like that.
-Cut it out.
-Right, Kay?
[Glenn] Okay. Yeah, okay.
Thanks for the tutorial.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much indeed.
That's all we need today.
Thank you.
-Best of luck, Kay.
Best of luck. -Get him out!
We no longer require your
presence. Thank you very much.
Well, with all due respect...
[Rockwell] And yet
every set cost more than $5,000.
I can't just snap my fingers and
get your money and your wife
into alignment.
I pay you to say no.
[producer] She seems to think
that this is carte blanche.
I can't just
perform the impossible here.
[Rockwell] If you can't control
her, I will find someone else
who can.
as*h*le.
Mr. Rockwell. Mr. Rockwell.
-What? -Hey.
Marty Mauser. Nice to see you.
Did you call my office and say
you're friends with my son?
-Yes. But...
-g*dd*mn it!
I had no other way to
get in touch with you. Please.
I wanna revisit our conversation
about Japan.
I reconsidered it and I wanna do
it. I think it's a great idea.
The event's next week.
I've made alternate plans.
What other plans?
Okay, it was your idea.
It's a fantastic idea. Let's
just have a conversation about
this for two seconds.
What are you doing?
Hey. Hey. Mr. Rockwell.
Please, let's both be
pragmatists about this.
Put your personal feelings
about me aside for a second.
You and I both know how much
value I would add with Endo.
-[engine starts] -In
an exhibition on his home turf?
Imagine it.
I'd be like a stick of dynamite.
Whatever you have planned,
the alternative,
it's gonna pale in comparison.
Please give me two minutes.
We have enough common ground
to figure this out. Please!
-All right, get in the car.
-Really? Thank you.
Tommy, let's go.
Hey. Hey! Hey!
Hey!
You son of a b*tch.
I gave you the idea!
[exhales]
I'm sorry. Miss Stone
wanted to let you know
that she'd love to
have lunch with you.
-Miss Stone?
-Yes.
[Marty, Kay moaning]
[Kay] My God, I'm so late.
[Marty] Come on.
What do you care?
You're the star.
Gotta feel pretty good, right?
I mean, why'd you even stop
in the first place?
I wanted security,
and I got pregnant,
and he pressured
me, and I settled.
Well, I mean, clearly,
you're doing the right thing now
and it sounds like he's
paying you back with interest.
-Who is?
-Your husband.
I mean, he's funding
your whole show, right?
Where'd you get that idea?
I overheard him complaining
about it in the lobby.
-Complaining?
-Yeah, about the costs.
He can go f*ck himself.
Completely.
You know what you should do,
you should leech him
for every penny he's worth,
assume your place as
the biggest star on the planet,
and then you rub it
in his smug little face.
Thank you, but I'm really not
looking for life advice
from you.
No, I'm just saying you clearly
never needed him in
the first place.
Like with me, I'm
never accepting anyone's help.
I gotta do it completely on my
own. Purely on the basis of my
own talent.
Otherwise it's, like,
the success won't even count.
But that's just me.
Yes, well,
that's very easy to say.
Well, it's easy to say
but it's sure not easy to do.
I mean, you know that.
That's why you cashed out.
[sighs]
Let me ask you something.
Do you make money at
this little table tennis thing?
-Not yet.
-Do you have a job?
No. I mean,
table tennis is my job.
How do you live?
I live with the confidence
that if I believe in myself,
the money will follow.
Ultimately, my struggle isn't
even about money.
-How do you pay rent?
-I don't.
-You're avoiding the question.
-No, I'm not avoiding anything.
How do you plan
on eating food today?
Honestly, I was gonna order room
service the second you leave.
-Nice.
-Yeah. Nice.
And what do you plan to do if
this whole dream of yours
doesn't work out?
That doesn't even
enter my consciousness.
Okay. Well, maybe it should.
Wow.
You sound like
my mom. No offense.
And you sound like a child.
Oh, yeah?
Clearly I'm old enough.
And what is
that supposed to mean?
That I'm old enough to f*ck you
in your hotel room
in the middle of
your big comeback.
You're disgusting.
[Marty] Break a leg.
No, I know,
but I was out of town
so I only just received
it yesterday for the first time.
Well, look, not coming to Japan
is not an option.
Okay, well, just let Mr.
Sethi know that a cashier's
check in the full amount
is already on the way to him.
It's in the mail.
No, that's fine, but just...
I don't want any confusion
about my attendance.
I'm gonna be there.
I'm gonna be there when
the tournament starts.
-I got it!
-[hushed] Yes! Yes! Yes!
How much do you think?
-This is not real.
-What do you mean it's not real?
-Total fake. -It came
from the neck of a millionaire.
I saw it come off her neck.
I don't care where it came from.
It's total garbage.
-Costume jewelry.
-Costume jewelry?
Oh, f*ck.
If you want,
I can give you two bucks for it.
- Hello.
-[Marty] Hey, Dion. It's me.
How are you doing?
Hey, where have you been?
You promised me we'd have a list
of distributors.
My dad lands tonight.
[Marty] I'll come back now and
give you my undivided attention.
Let me just talk to my sister
for a second.
[Dion] Rachel,
Marty's on the phone.
-[Rachel] Hi. Where are you?
- Hi, Rachel, listen.
There's a dog
collar in my jacket, okay?
I know a guy who lost a dog
out in New Jersey.
He'll pay a big reward.
Also, there's a set of car keys
in a bowl by the front door.
- You see them?
- Yeah.
[Marty] Grab the keys, and make
sure Dion doesn't see you do it.
[Rachel] Hey, Dion.
Can you go to the store
and grab me some ginger?
I'm having really
bad morning sickness.
Hi.
Sorry, station's closed.
That's okay.
We're not looking for service.
Did you see
a dog come around here?
Nah, I ain't seen
nothing. You seen a dog?
-He's this tall.
-When did you lose it?
A few days ago.
There's a pound down in
Cranberry.
About five miles that way.
-Maybe try there.
-I called there.
-Sorry, can't help you.
-Okay.
-[announcer on radio,
indistinct] -Thank you.
[Rachel]
They didn't see anything.
Let's go try that place.
-[engine stops] -[announcer
on radio, indistinct]
-[knocking]
-[dog barking]
-Hello.
-[barking continues]
-[announcer on radio continues]
-Hello?
-Where are you going?
-Just gonna check out back.
[barking continues]
-[barking continues]
-Oh, sh*t. Moses.
[announcer on radio] We're
grateful to the record
manufacturers and artists
all over the country.
-Hey, buddy. Hey. Hey, Moses.
-[barking continues]
It's Marty. Hey, buddy.
[mutters] Oh, f*ck.
Hey, buddy.
Moses. Moses!
Hey, buddy. Calm
down. Let's get you home.
You wanna go home,
right? Let's go home.
Okay. Hey. No, no, no, no, no.
[disc jockey]
And that was Peppermint Harris
and that great record of his...
[car horn honking]
[disc jockey] But it's time to
hang up the old blunderbuss
for now.
-[truck door opens]
- Remember, if you want any...
[disc jockey on radio continues,
indistinct]
-Hi, how are you?
-Can I help you?
We were just searching the area
for a lost dog.
-"We"?
-My husband and I.
We lost our dog a couple of days
ago out near the gas station
and they told us to come
and check over here...
-seeing that you're
the closest house. -Who?
Who? Which gas station?
-I don't know.
-Hey!
It was one of
the guys that work there.
-Oh, man, I'm so excited
you're back. -There he is!
-I think you might've found
our dog. -You're trespassing.
No. I'm sorry, that's not
our intention.
We heard barking in the back.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
My dog. You found it.
I didn't find any dog.
-[barking continues]
-Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure. Are you sure?
-Yeah... -[big band
music playing on radio]
I looked through your window.
-I saw my dog. -You were
looking through my window?
It was a good
thing I did, right?
Get the hell off my property
before I call the police.
I should call the police.
Okay. You wanna get
a closer look at him?
-You wanna closer look?
-Yes, please.
-Okay, good, good.
-I'll give you a closer look.
[announcer on radio
continues, indistinct]
[barking continues]
Hey!
Calm down.
I am calm.
-If I see your kike face...
-Are you serious?
-...looking through my window
again... -Marty, get in the car!
Are you out of your mind?
...I'm gonna sh**t it off.
There's no need for that.
We're leaving. Marty, get in!
-[shotgun fires]
-What are you doing?
-Get in the car, Marty!
-No! I need the dog!
-Get in the car!
-Next one's going to your face.
-[both grunting]
-Marty, get--
No, no, no, no!
Don't sh**t! Don't sh**t!
-Rachel! Help me!
-[engine starts, revs]
-Marty, get in the car! -[rock
and roll playing on radio]
Come on, come on,
come on. Hurry! Hurry!
Get in! Get in! Get in!
Go, go, go
straight, Rachel. Go, go!
Straight! Go! Go in the corn!
-Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
-Oh, my god! Oh,
my god! Oh, my god!
Oh, no!
[laughs]
[line ringing]
-[person] Hello?
-Hi.
Hi, did you...
Did you by any chance
lose a dog named Moses?
Yeah, I did. Why?
Oh, you did? Amazing!
'Cause we just found him.
- For real?
-I did, yeah.
- How is he? How's
his breathing? -You know what?
When we got him, his breathing
was a little shallow.
-The money.
- Give me your address.
I'm gonna come right now.
Well, that's the thing.
The thing? What do you mean?
'Cause you know in situations
like these it's...
it's kind of customary
to give the person a reward, no?
Yeah, fine.
How much you have in mind?
-It's too much money.
It's too much. -No, say it.
He's f*cking loaded.
- Hello?
-Tell him.
I was thinking maybe $2,000
seems fair for this kind of
a thing.
That seems pretty fair to me.
-Two thousand.
- You're joking, right?
-No, no. No.
- That's f*cking ridiculous.
Look, look...
I know it's
really not your problem,
but I'm about to have a baby,
and, look,
I got no husband right now.
I got no job, and this money
would really, really help me.
And, you know,
let's be good people and...
You realize I got that dog
for free at the pound, right?
Well, that's kind of the wrong
way to look at it. [chuckles]
- Oh, really?
-Yeah, really.
How am I supposed to look at it?
'Cause let's just say that I'm
not calling about a dog.
Let's say that I'm calling
about your mother,
and I'm a doctor, and I gotta
perform emergency surgery on her
or she's gonna die.
What are you gonna do?
Refuse the surgery because
you got your mother for free?
No! That's crazy.
You're gonna take the surgery
-because you love your mother.
- That's the stupidest thing
I ever heard.
Well, then I guess you don't
know anything about love.
All right, forget it.
Give me your address,
okay? I'll come now.
- I'll bring you the cash.
-I'm sorry, but no.
- No?
-No.
It's really not your fault,
and you sound like a very
nice person.
It's just I've been ripped off
one too many times in the past,
and I'm just not willing
to let that happen to me again.
So, we're just gonna need to
find a way to get me
the money first.
-You know? Yeah.
- Yeah?
Listen to me,
you f*cking dumb b*tch.
- You're not getting one red
cent... -What is wrong
with you?
...without me
laying eyes on him.
-If you really don't give
a sh*t about...
- You understand, sister?
...your dog that you got for
free, how about I donate him to
medical science?
-Would that be something
you want? -I told you this
wasn't gonna work.
I should have known better.
What am I doing?
-It was a terrible idea.
-Marty!
-It was moronic.
-I'm sorry, I was--
I'm sorry. I was
trying to give it a shot.
-It's not your fault. It was
stupid. -All right. Calm down.
What color is the dog?
Why? Who cares? It's brown.
Okay, because my boss knows
all of the local breeders,
and maybe we can get one
that looks the same,
and the owner won't be able to
tell the difference.
You don't think he's gonna
recognize his own dog
that he loves?
-I'm saying maybe not at first.
-I should be working on my game
right now.
Instead, I'm in a used car lot
making a mockery of my life,
doing prank calls.
-What are you guys doing?
-[Marty] Hey.
What are you still doing up?
Keep your voice down.
My parents are sleeping.
-I didn't know they were back.
-I told you they were back.
-Where's my dad's car?
-It's in the garage.
You're not gonna believe, Dion,
when I tell you the day
that we had.
-You tricked me. -No, I didn't.
What are you talking about?
-Yes, you did, you lying b*tch.
-Whoa.
Hey, you watch your mouth,
you fat piece of sh*t.
-Don't talk to me like that.
-Don't talk to him like that.
He's one of my favorite people
on the planet.
-Tell him not to talk to me like
that. -Don't talk to
her like that.
-Don't talk to him like that.
-Keep it down.
I'm the one that told her to do
it. She wouldn't have if
I didn't.
-Give me the car keys.
-Okay, they're right here. Okay?
-We got into a little
fender bender... -What?
...but it's gonna be okay.
-It's minor damage.
I can pay for it. -How? When?
Dion, it's very late right now.
We should all get a little bit
of rest.
I'll smooth it over
with your father at breakfast.
-He's not gonna get angry--
-You're not staying here!
-We got no other place to stay.
-You guys gotta go.
No. Dion. We have to stay.
-We have nowhere--
Dion. Stop it. -[Dion] No. Shh.
[Marty] She's eight months
pregnant.
Are you out of your mind?
-Please can we just talk
about it? -Keep your voice down.
Gonna throw us out in
the street in the dead of night?
-Yeah, yeah.
-We've got nowhere to go.
Get your sh*t and leave.
Do you have any idea
what we've been through today?
[Dion] I'm not talking to you.
You're not talking to me?
Now you're not
talking to me, period?
-Unbelievable.
-[Rachel crying]
Must be nice being born with
a silver spoon in your mouth.
Meanwhile, some of us
have to work for a living.
You ever heard
that word, "work"?
Instead of doodling
in your room all day?
Throwing your friends
out on the street...
Can you not stare at us?
Can you look at the wall?
You're creeping me out.
[crying] Where are
we gonna go? Because...
-I'm sorry. You have
a bed right here... -It's okay.
-...and I could be
sleeping on it. -It's okay.
And I got a baby in me.
I got a baby in me.
See what you're doing?
You're throwing a pregnant woman
out in the dead of the night.
It's gonna live
on your conscience forever.
-Why would you do this to
yourself? -[Rachel] I'm sorry.
Can I have a moment with her,
please? Just to comfort her,
in privacy with
my sister, please?
-Keep her voice down. -I'm gonna
try, but I gotta calm her down.
-Sorry.
-[Rachel sobbing]
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
[Marty] That was really good.
-That was amazing, Rachel.
-Thank you. [chuckles]
That was so good, it might work.
-Where are we gonna go if
he kicks us out? -He might
actually let us stay now.
That acting was so brilliant.
-Are you actually crying?
-No. Marty, what are you doing?
-What is that?
-What?
Is this makeup?
Hold on.
Just wait. Because I can
explain.
It's not my fault. Okay?
No talking.
-I didn't have a choice, you
know? -Stop. Stop, please. Stop.
-Rachel, stop.
-I needed to get out.
-See how calm I am?
It's not gonna last. -Yeah.
Get the f*ck out of here.
-No. What I think--
-Get the f*ck out of here.
-I think that we should
both go because... -Stop.
This is the kinda sh*t
my mother would do to me.
How could you of all people do
this to me, the way I treat you?
-How could I do this to you?
-Yes, knowing what I'm going
through?
-How about what you're doing to
me? -Stop. Shh.
What are you doing...
[Rachel] Have you ever for one
second thought about what
you're doing--
-Stop. -Shush yourself,
you narcissistic prick.
-Don't touch me!
-Stop. What are you doing?
-You're gonna wake my parents
up. Shut up. -Enough about
your f*cking parents.
Aren't you, like, 30 years old?
You realize I'm
due in four weeks?
-I am due in four weeks!
-It's not my baby.
And it's his baby, by the way.
It's his f*cking baby.
He's lying about that too.
-What's going on in my house?
-I was just having some friends
over, Dad.
[Marty] Buddy, how are you?
Hey, we have a meeting with
Spalding first thing in
the morning
-for the Supreme samples.
-Dion, come on. Give me a break.
That's never gonna happen.
-You've taken my son's money.
-What are you talking about?
I don't believe it. D,
don't you see what's happening?
-Unbelievable. Un-f*cking...
-You're conning my son
all along.
-I am not conning your son.
-You're taking all his money.
I give him meaning.
All you do is give him money.
-I give him purpose.
-You listen to me!
[Marty] He won't even f*cking
look at you,
he's so petrified of you.
What are we gonna do, huh?
Where do you expect us to go?
You really want me to sleep
on the street? I'm pregnant.
[Christopher] No,
no, no. Dion! Dion!
All right, I gotta tell
you something, Rachel.
It's not intended to be mean.
I have a purpose. You don't.
If you think that's some
sort of blessing, it's not.
It puts me at
a huge life disadvantage.
It means I have an obligation
to see a very specific thing
through.
And with that obligation
comes sacrifice, okay?
My life is the product of all
the choices I've had to make.
Your life is the product of...
I don't even know what
your life is the product of.
You're making it up as you go.
That's the kind of person
you are.
That's not the kind
of person I am, okay?
You're responsible for the
shitty decisions you've made.
I never told you to
get married, not once.
-You cannot pawn them
off onto me. -I understand.
How much do you make a year
at the pet store?
About $1200.
Okay, in case you forgot,
I have a week to make $1500,
not including air fare.
I need to focus right now,
no distractions.
-I'm really sorry.
-No, it's okay.
It goes without saying,
I'm in no position to settle
down right now.
Get that out of your mind.
I will not settle down right
now. Okay?
If you're serious about leaving
Ira, I will not abandon you.
As your friend, I will help you.
We'll do the research, we'll
find a great maternity home.
They'll take you in,
they'll ensure the baby's got
a good family.
We could do a-- No? No?
Then go home,
Rachel. Just go home.
-What am I gonna say? -You'll
figure it out. Go home, Rachel.
[door closes]
-[object thuds]
-[exhales]
-Ira, wake up.
-[groans]
It's not your baby.
[electronic music playing]
[grunting]
Stupid b*tch,
look at the f*cking ground,
like a dumb f*cking wh*re.
f*ck.
f*cking bullshit.
f*cking go over there.
Stand in the f*cking corner.
I'm gonna smack...
You wanna do this?
That baby's gonna be
a pimple-faced bum just like
its f*cking father.
[knocking on door]
Or it's gonna be a wh*re
like its f*cking wh*re mother.
[neighbor] Open up the door
right now! There are people
trying to sleep!
What?
-Stop this! Quiet! -Hey, Rachel.
It's your new mother-in-law.
-Ira! Don't say that to her! I'm
sorry. -Hey, congratulations,
Mrs. Mauser.
-You're gonna be a grandmother.
-What?
Here, she's your problem now.
Here, take her sh*t.
Rachel, do you need help?
-That's enough. I'm sorry.
-Do you need help, honey?
-No, I'm okay. Everyone,
go back to bed. -Yeah, great.
She's so sorry.
[electronic music continues]
-Are you Rachel?
-You're Ezra?
-Where is he? -Give me the money
and I'll bring him out.
Money? You ain't getting
a nickel unless I see my dog.
Just so you know, I'm not alone,
okay? I got people watching all
around me.
I don't give
a sh*t who's watching.
I'm letting you know I'm very
protected right now in case
you try anything.
-What?
-Okay, do you want your dog?
I have your dog.
-What are you doing?
-I don't want that collar.
-I want what's inside
the collar. -Show me the money.
Would I have this
if I didn't have your dog? No.
So show me the money,
and I'll go and get him for you.
Come on. Come on!
You don't know who
you're playing with, girl. Okay?
-Here's the money.
-I don't f*cking care.
Show me what's
inside the envelope.
How am I supposed to know
there's anything in there?
-Here, you wanna see?
Here, look. Okay? -Yes. Great.
-Where you going, girl?
-Does she have the dog or what?
Who the f*ck knows?
Okay.
[line ringing]
-[bartender] Yeah,
Blarney Stone. -Hi, it's me.
Who's "me"?
[sighs] Yeah, thank you.
You can bring the dog out now.
You're the one that left
the dog? What happened to
"coming right back"?
We're ready,
so you can walk him outside.
- The thing's pissed all over
the floor. -Okay.
I'll see you soon.
-What's going on? -Listen
to me for a second, okay?
Look. Right over there. Okay?
The green awning.
My friend's gonna come out
in a second with the dog.
Once you give me the money,
I'm gonna call and say we're
squared up, okay?
Look, there he is right now
with the dog. I told you.
So hand me the money.
f*ck you.
Hey! Hey, give me my money.
What about... Hey!
Thief! Stop those two.
-They took my wallet.
-Hey.
Stop them!
Where you going? Hey.
-Get off of me.
-Come on.
Hey, him too! Him with the cast!
With the cast.
[bystander 1] What are you doing
trying to steal from
a pregnant woman?
-sh*t.
-[bystander 1] Hey, police!
[Ezra] What
the f*ck is this, man?
That's not Moses. Hey.
That's not my dog.
Yo, I'm out here.
The lady said to come here.
-[Ezra] f*cking playing
games with me? -Stay away. Hey!
[Ezra] f*cking
playing games with me? Huh?
What kind of f*cking sh*t
you playing with me?
-Hey, get the f*ck off me.
Back up, man. -[bystander 1]
Hey, calm down. sh*t.
-sh*t.
-Stop there.
[bystander 2] Someone help her!
-Somebody! Help! -[Mitch]
I got you, you f*cking b*tch!
-[screams] Hey! Stop!
-[clothes ripping]
[knock on door]
What is it?
-Hey, how are you doing?
-What are you doing here?
It's 12:30. I was wondering if
you wanted to get lunch.
It's out of the question.
I have a show opening tonight.
-Well, can I steal
you away for an hour? -No.
-Can I talk to you for a second?
Please. -I'm very busy.
Please, it'll
just take a second.
Um... [exhales]
-I feel kind of
nervous telling you this. -What?
All right, uh,
I stole this from you, okay?
And I want to
return it. All right?
I'm sorry. My plan was to
sell it and never see you again.
But I can't stop thinking about
you, and I can't steal from you.
Mmm.
You know that's
costume jewelry, right?
-This is costume jewelry? I'm
an idiot. -From the production.
What happened to doing it all on
your own? Where did
that speech go?
I know, I'm
completely full of sh*t, okay?
I was in a tight spot,
and I stole from you cause
I needed some money,
and it was wrong.
I'm broke.
Look, I got no resources.
I got the championship next week
in Japan.
I got no way to get there.
I got no options. I got
no one looking out for me, Kay.
Which isn't your problem. Which
is why I'm returning it, okay?
-You know what I think?
-What?
I think you went to sell that
and discovered it was junk.
No.
And now you've shown up here
with this ridiculous strategy
to get me to have some sympathy
and open my wallet.
That's absurd. You think I would
insult your intelligence
like that?
-Are you gonna keep going?
-Keep going what?
-Are you gonna keep on
with this? -Just being myself.
-You're lying through
your teeth. -I'm not.
It's me being me.
-This is pathetic. You're
being you? -I am telling
you the truth.
I stole from you
and then I feel bad about it,
-so I'm trying to make amends.
-You're wasting your energy.
I don't care.
I would have stolen from me too.
-[knocking on door]
-[person] Kay.
-[Kay] Hi. -Looks like
I'm interrupting something.
[Kay] No, no. Not at all.
This is Martin, my friend
Carol's son.
He was just leaving.
-This is Merle, my publicist.
-Hello.
Martin would like to be
an actor, but unfortunately he's
not very good.
[Merle] Ah, well, you know,
-Broadway needs ushers too.
-So what's happening with
the seating?
I spoke to Milton. He's
sending all of his employees.
It's like a mandate.
Like, a company mandate.
This is
supposed to make me happy?
Well, I mean, it's a full house.
Isn't that the point?
-[Kay] Full of f*cking morons.
-[Merle] No, no. You got some--
-Fred Astaire is coming. -Okay,
I'm gonna get out your hair...
No. Make sure you give him
a ticket for tonight.
-[Marty] Really?
-Yeah.
[Merle] Oh. You are in
for such a treat, young man.
When you see this lady act,
you're gonna feel like you got
your c*ck sucked by a vacuum
cleaner.
-Merle! -[Merle chuckles]
She's blushing. See her?
-What?
-[laughing]
[orchestra playing]
[actor] Take your stinking seat.
[audience murmuring]
[gasping]
What the hell?
Have you lost your damned mind?
[audience applauding]
Jed. I'm talking to you.
[Jed] I was just
practicing my aim, Mama.
-You always said to sh**t for
the stars. -[audience laughs]
Hey.
Come.
I'm sorry I'm
late. I couldn't get away.
-Oh, I bet.
-He was all over me.
You were incredible tonight.
That was unbelievable.
-I have something for you.
-For me?
Turn around.
Every year my husband gives me
a piece of jewelry for
our anniversary.
I have 25 of them.
One for each year of misery.
That should cover
your trip and then some.
Wearing it makes
me feel like sh*t.
[electronic music playing]
[Kay moans]
Oh, sh*t. Stop, stop, stop.
Stop.
[moaning]
[gasping]
[moaning]
Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
-sh*t. Oh, God.
-[police officer] Get up!
-[Marty] Lay still. -[police
officer] Stand up, I see you.
[Marty] When I tell you, run.
One, two, three. Get up.
-Come on. Go.
-[police officer] Hey!
Joey, stop them!
[Marty] Come
on. Come on. Come on.
Hey. Hey. Where are you guys
going? What are you guys
doing here?
-[Marty] Nothing.
-No, no, no.
-Let me see both of your hands.
-Cuff him.
-[Marty] Oh, my God. We were
just... -We didn't do anything.
Give us a break. We were looking
for her earrings in the grass.
My earring came off.
We were looking for my earring.
It looks like you've got
two earrings in your ears there.
[Kay] Not this earring.
There was... From before.
There was another earring.
There's another pair of earrings
from earlier in the day.
I recognize you.
-Oh, God. Oh, God.
-You're Kay Stone.
-Yes. I know exactly who
you are. -This is not happening.
-Let me see your hands.
-Are you serious?
You know, I will go home,
and I'll get my wallet,
and I will get you some cash
because we've put you out.
Please, officer. She's gonna go
home and get her wallet.
And give you cash.
-Got ID?
-[Marty] No. No ID.
-Cuff her.
-[Kay] No, please.
-No ID, huh? Let's see.
-Please, please. No, no, no.
-Please, will you just
let me go home? -Come on.
I'll give you my word.
Wow, lookie here.
That's a really nice necklace.
Take it. Take it. It's yours.
Thank you very much.
I can't believe this.
Do you think you could grab me
another necklace?
Are you serious?
You said they mean nothing to
you. It'd just take you a couple
of minutes.
I was just gone for half
an hour. I can't go up and come
right back down.
-My mother is up there. -You'd
do that for the police officers.
-Oh, my God. My hair.
-I'll wait in the hall.
No, you will not.
Wait. Wait.
There.
You look beautiful.
Please, you have 25 of them.
Fine!
-Stay here. Do you understand
me? -I'll stay here. Okay.
-Do not move.
-Okay.
sh*t.
-[jazz combo playing]
-[guests chattering]
Hello. Lovely to see you.
-David, how are you?
-Good. How are you?
Where the f*ck have you been?
I needed a moment to myself.
Is that a problem?
I didn't realize
I needed a permission slip.
I put this whole thing on for
you and you're making me look
like an idiot.
God.
Look. Merle's on the phone right
now with The New York Times .
What?
He's got a printer
who's gonna read the review.
My God.
-Or do you not care?
-I got him! I have him!
-Oh, my God. Okay.
-[Merle] Come, come, come!
[Kay] Coming!
-Hurry, he has the review!
-I'm coming.
The review!
Come on, come
on, come on, come on.
-Come on, come on.
-Okay.
Raoul, Kay.
[Raoul] Okay. Title,
"Kay Stone Returns" by Robert...
[exhales]
-[jazz combo continues playing]
-[guests chattering]
-Have a good night. -Leave
it open. Everyone's coming down.
-Are they?
-Oh, yeah.
Party's over.
[doorman] Good night.
-The party's over.
-[guests murmuring]
-They're asking us to leave.
-What do you mean? We just
got here.
They should've stopped us at
the door. Why'd they let us in?
Excuse me.
Do you know where Kay is?
-She's upstairs in her bedroom.
-Okay.
[Kay sobbing]
Hi. Is Kay in there?
This is not a good time.
Okay, but can
I just speak to her?
As I said, it's
really not a good time.
[Milton] At the end of the year,
if the guy made you money,
you keep him.
And if not,
you throw the bum out.
Excuse me.
-Hi.
-You gotta be kidding me.
-I'm sorry to disturb you in
your home.
-How did you get in my house?
Please give me another chance.
I am on my hands and knees.
I need a ride to Japan and
I need $1,500 so I can compete
in the championship.
I need this job
very, very badly.
I'm begging you.
I'll work for you however
you want. I will lose.
I'll have no personal point of
view apart from making
your event a success.
Marty, there are
no second chances in life.
-Why not? -I offered
you the job and you said no!
I know, because I was impulsive.
And I regret it.
And?
And I was rude
and overconfident.
And I was c*ck,
and I copped an attitude.
And?
And it won't
happen again. I'm sorry.
Please just give me
another chance, Mr. Rockwell.
I'm throwing myself at
your mercy.
I'll do whatever you want.
What do you guys think?
Should I give this little
as*h*le a second chance?
-Yes, please!
-Don't ask me.
You don't know how important
this is to me. Please.
I'm begging you.
Just let me go on your plane,
and let me join you there.
Please, I'm
humbling myself before you.
-You're making me sick.
-I'm sorry.
-Stand up!
-Okay. All right.
-Please. Okay? I'll do anything.
-[guest 1 sighs, chuckles]
-Anything?
-Yes. Anything.
Okay.
Go down the hall. Second
door on the right is my office.
Grab the paddle
and bring it back here.
[guest 1] This is more dramatic
than the play. [laughs]
-Okay.
-[guest 2] That's true.
[guests, Milton chattering]
Oh, Marty. Give me the paddle.
So here's what I want you to do.
I want you to bend over
that chair and drop your pants.
[guest chuckles]
Are you for real?
You've been a really bad boy.
Now you're gonna get a spanking.
Come on. Are you serious?
You wanna get
to Japan, don't you?
Yeah, I wanna go to Japan.
But this is what you want?
That's what it's gonna take.
Now bend over.
Okay, so to be clear,
you're gonna bring me to Japan
and then you're gonna
compensate me?
Tomorrow morning, 8:30,
LaGuardia.
We're on our way to Japan.
-Do I need a ticket?
-I own the plane.
How do I know
you're gonna honor this?
You don't. Because
you have no power here.
Now bend over.
Put your hands over here.
I want a nice arc.
-[all laughing]
-[Milton] Let's go.
[guest] Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm ready.
This one is for my son.
-[paddle whacks]
-[guests continue laughing]
Okay.
This one is for me.
-[laughing continues]
-God!
[Milton] Now the bonus round.
[paddle whacking]
Beautiful paddle. One side's
wood and the other is foam.
[train rumbling]
[conductor
speaking on PA, indistinct]
-Hey, Marty, how you doin'?
-Hey, Ted. Hey, Lawrence.
Aw, damn. Hey,
man. How you doin'?
You think I could
stay in the back room tonight?
Wow, man. I got
Brian staying there tonight.
I would let you stay at
the house, man,
but the wife ain't havin' it.
I'm just gonna hang around
until my flight.
Where you goin'?
Going to Japan.
Tomorrow morning, 8:00 a.m.
-Oh, yeah!
-My man!
-Yo, you goin'! You got
that money. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good for you, man.
You ain't even
look like you excited.
No, I'm-- I'm good. I'm good.
You know your boy back there,
Wally, he's been waitin' on you.
-Wally's here?
-Wally, yeah.
-How'd he seem?
-Wally's good. He cool, man.
He's back there somewhere.
He believes in you. He has
a dollar. She has a dollar.
Hey. How you doing?
Oh, wow! How
you doing? Nice to see you!
I've been trying to
get in touch with you.
-Oh, really? -Yeah. How's
your dog? How's Moses doing?
You wanna cut the bullshit?
No bullshit. I'm
genuinely concerned about him.
-Marty. You good, man?
-Yeah, I'm good.
Now, listen to me.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
I got your girl downstairs in
the car. She's waiting for you.
What the f*ck are
you telling me? You got Rachel?
Yeah.
She told me my dog's in Jersey
somewhere.
And you got the address.
-Okay.
-Let's go.
Okay. All right. Let me, uh...
Um, okay, let me just...
Give me two seconds.
I just wanna say one thing to
my friend.
Give you two seconds, yeah,
but I'm not gonna be here.
-Where you gonna be?
-Where am I gonna be?
I'm gonna be downstairs taking
a hammer to your girl's stomach.
That's where I'm gonna be.
Okay. All right. All right.
Yo, Mouse!
-[Ezra] Come on. Let's go.
-[Marty] Okay.
[Mitch] Well, I took most of
his share of the money
that our parents left us.
-[Ezra] You spent your brother's
money? -[Mitch] Yes, I did.
[Ezra] Yeah,
you love your brother?
[Mitch] Maybe you could give my
brother a job.
You know he's a good man.
[Ezra] I'll give him your job,
okay? Mitch, do me a favor.
[Mitch] What?
[Ezra] Stop talking. Okay?
Okay. See the gas station there?
It's the house to the left.
-[Reuben] Next left?
-Yeah.
[Reuben] I got it.
[Ezra] Get out
of the car. Come on.
Mitch, come.
-Reuben, you wait with her.
-Oh, okay.
[car door closes]
[Reuben] Sit tight.
Come on. Louder.
Knock louder.
[dog barking]
That's my dog.
Moses! Yo!
Open up!
-[barking continues]
-f*ck. Moses.
-[Ezra] Come on. -[Reuben]
I hate that f*ck' mutt.
Moses!
[barking continues]
Moses!
That's my dog. Moses!
Moses!
See anything in there?
No, not really.
-[Rachel] Marty!
-sh*t.
[shotgun fires]
[Rachel] Marty! Go!
[shotgun fires]
[Rachel] Marty!
[trembles]
[shotgun fires]
-[Reuben] Get down! Get down!
-[screams]
f*ck!
-[shotgun fires]
-[trembling continues]
[Rachel screams]
[Rachel]
Marty! Marty! I got shot!
Help!
Help, Marty! Please help!
Help!
Are you okay?
Oh, no! Are you okay?
-Are you okay?
-What the f*ck's going on?
Okay. It's okay.
I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding.
Okay. It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
-[shotgun fires]
-[Ezra screams]
-I'm so sorry.
-I'm sorry.
-Go get the money.
-What money?
Go get the money. It's in
his pocket. It's in his pocket.
Are you sure?
-The money! It's in the inside
pocket! -Okay, okay, okay.
[Rachel whimpering]
[Ezra groaning]
Oh, f*ck.
-What is this?
-[Ezra continues groaning]
Oh, you m*therf*cker...
[barking continues]
[breathing heavily]
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
-[whimpering]
-[Reuben groaning]
What happened? f*ck!
Get off me!
Where do you think you're going?
It's okay.
Okay.
[engine starts]
-You got it? You got it?
-Yeah. I got it, I got it.
You got the money?
-Is there a lot of money?
-There's a lot.
-You can go now.
-I know. You did amazing.
-You can go on your trip now. -I
knew you could do this. So good.
You did such a good job.
[Rachel] I love you.
-Honey, when is your due date?
-Why? Is the baby okay?
The baby is fine.
I just need you to calm down.
-Are you the husband?
-No. I'm her friend.
She's due in four weeks.
The baby will be okay?
The baby is okay.
It's time to say goodbye.
-I can't go? -Only
family in the operating room.
No, no, no, no, no!
It's gonna be fine.
Rachel, it's fine. It's fine.
No, no, no! Marty, no.
He'll be right outside.
Marty, no!
Rachel, I can't go.
They're telling me I can't go.
-I don't want you to--
-[nurse] Please calm down.
-Don't go, please!
-Please calm down.
Please don't go! Marty!
[Rachel] No!
Thank you very much.
Welcome to Japan, Mr. Rockwell.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
[chattering]
[big band jazz playing]
-[audience chattering, chanting]
-[player,
announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience groaning, cheering]
Mr. Mauser. Mr. Mauser.
Ah. Mr. Rockwell says
the back of the line.
He doesn't want to begin yet.
[audience cheering, applauding]
[announcer
continues speaking Japanese]
[speaking Japanese]
-Needs some practice.
Needs a beer. -[all chattering]
[Marty] Mr. Sethi? Mr. Sethi.
Hey. It's me. It's Marty Mauser.
How you doing? I'm surprised
to see you here, actually.
-Why's that?
-I don't know. I--
We do have
a tournament to promote.
No, of course, of course.
Yeah.
I think I owe you an apology
for the way I acted in London.
I was a jackass.
There is such a thing as
a code of courtesy, Mr. Mauser.
No, I know. It's just--
It's every man for himself
where I come from.
That's just how I grew up. Okay?
And sometimes I feel
like I don't even have control--
I'm really not
interested in your excuses.
No, no, I know.
It's not an excuse.
Look, the point is I'm gonna
proceed with a much better
attitude.
And by the way, if you see me
acting rude up there today,
that's a character. This is
scripted. I'm gonna lose 21-14.
This isn't a real thing.
The real me, the polite me,
you'll see next week.
-Next week?
-At the championship.
You're not playing
in the championship.
-What? -You're not
participating this year.
No, no, no.
I think you're confused.
That's what I'm doing the event
for, so I can pay off the rest
of my fine.
Come talk to Mr.
Rockwell right now.
The tournament
is less than two weeks away.
-All the bracketing has been
set. -No,
but we'll redo the bracketing.
I'm not gonna tear up the entire
schedule on behalf of one
entitled American.
No, Mr. Sethi.
Mr. Sethi. Look...
I'm here.
I don't think you know how
difficult that was,
for me to come here.
I'm in Japan right now.
You haven't come
far enough, I'm afraid.
What?
You have wasted
your time coming here.
-[murmuring, laughing]
-Unbelievable.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience cheering, applauding]
[speaking Japanese]
[exclaims]
[audience gasping, murmuring]
-[announcer continues in
Japanese] -[Marty exclaims]
[chattering, cheering]
[in English] I've traveled
many miles here to Japan
to challenge my
great nemesis, Endo!
[announcer speaking Japanese]
-[Endo speaking Japanese]
-What's he say?
[in English] He doesn't
want to embarrass you anymore.
Embarrass me? I am
beyond embarrassment.
Tell him he's a-- Your champion
is a fraud and a chicken.
[imitates clucking]
[audience chattering, laughing]
He's chicken!
[announcer, in English]
Mr. Endo agrees to the match.
Great.
[in English] On
the condition that...
the loser has to kiss a pig
in front of the entire audience.
-A pig?
-Yes.
A pig? What?
He said if you are going to
act like a pig,
he will happily
mate you with one.
-What does that--
-[speaking Japanese]
[audience laughing, cheering]
-[upbeat music playing]
-[children screaming]
[applause]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
It's this cord
in the f*cking way.
-I'm stepping on the cord.
Move the cord.
-[announcer speaking Japanese]
Move the cord over there
so I don't slip on it next time!
-[announcer] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
-So I don't break my ankle!
[applause]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience] Endo! Endo!
Endo! Endo!
[announcer speaking Japanese]
-You speak English?
-[translator] Yeah.
What's he saying?
"We are welcoming
a special guest."
[announcer speaking Japanese]
"Mr. Ram Sethi. Come on up."
Thank you.
And thank you, Mr. Rockwell,
for hosting such
an unforgettable event.
What we have just witnessed is
a mere taste of what is to come
next week
when the finest players
in the world will be competing
against your hometown
hero, Koto Endo-san.
No more words from me.
Let's bring on Agu the pig
and see the American
plant a kiss on him.
-[drumroll]
-[announcer speaking Japanese]
"Now we bring
the pig onto the stage."
[snorts]
Wait, wait, wait.
-Hey. Hey.
-[drumroll stops]
I want to play him in a real
game first before I kiss
the pig.
I want to play
him in a real game.
Tell him I want to play him
in a game that's not a sham.
Tell him!
You, tell the audience
that was a fake game.
Tell them it was a sham and
I want to play a real game
against him.
-[translator] I cannot do
that for you.
-[Marty] Why can't you do that?
That was a fake
game. That was staged.
No part of that was real.
I was not playing
to the best of my ability.
It was an enormous form
of disrespect to everyone here.
Hey, listen,
who wants a real game?
Show of hands. Come on.
Wait, this man. This man.
[speaking Japanese]
[in English] Marty,
you're right.
We want to see the real game!
Yes!
[chanting in Japanese]
Endo, you're
gonna side with them?
Translate. Translate this.
He's gonna side
with them, really?
An American company selling
their product off of his back
like he's a mascot?
You're not a mascot.
Brian, get him down.
[Marty] Let's give them a real
game. They want a real game.
Okay, okay.
Thank you, thank you.
We need to move it along.
I'm not gonna be
at the championship next week
'cause of this as*h*le. I'm not
gonna be at the championship.
Give me a chance.
You humiliated me.
Please, please, Endo. Please.
-Please, for me. Yes?
-Okay.
-Yes. Okay.
-Good? He says yes?
He says yes.
Thank you, Endo. Thank you.
He said yes. Yes.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience chanting]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
This little f*ck.
Let's do this.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
f*ck.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
Okay, Marty. All right.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
Yeah!
[American GI]
Yeah, Marty! Go boy!
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience chanting]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[grunts]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[Milton speaking Japanese]
You can save your breath.
I know I'm not getting paid.
Win or lose, you get nothing.
I wonder how you're gonna
get home.
-You're not getting on my plane.
-It doesn't matter, okay?
Unless you're planning on
shutting down the event,
we got nothing to discuss.
-You think it's that simple?
-Yeah, I do.
Let me explain to you.
I was born in 1601.
I'm a vampire.
I've been around forever.
I've met many Marty Mausers
over the centuries.
Some of them crossed me,
some weren't straight.
They weren't honest.
And those are the ones
that are still here.
You go out and win that game,
you're gonna be here
forever too.
And you'll never be happy.
You will never be happy.
[scoffs]
Okay, Mr. Rockwell.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
Endo! Endo!
Endo! Endo!
Endo! Endo! Endo!
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[audience chanting]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
There we go!
[announcer speaking Japanese]
You gotta f*cking kidding me.
[Brian] Match point.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[announcer speaking Japanese]
-Don't let him getcha, Marty!
-Yeah, Marty! Go boy!
[announcer speaking Japanese]
Okay.
Thank you. Good game. Good game.
You're a great player.
Good luck at the championship,
okay? I hope you win.
[announcer speaking Japanese]
[line ringing]
[receptionist] Bellevue
Hospital. May I help you?
[Marty] Hi, yes.
I was hoping to be connected
with Rachel Mizler, please?
[receptionist]
Do you know what floor she's on?
[Marty] Well, she would
have gotten out of surgery.
So wherever
you keep people like that.
[receptionist] Okay.
So it looks like she was moved
to the maternity ward
last night .
-[Marty] The maternity ward?
-[receptionist] Yes .
- What do you mean,
"the maternity ward"? - I'm
sorry, I don't know the details.
[Marty] Is she okay? Did
she have the baby? She's not due
for four weeks.
[receptionist] This is all
the information that I have,
that she was rushed--
[Marty] " Rushed"? What are
you saying, "rushed"? First
you said, "moved,"
- now you're saying, "rushed"?
- Sir, can you please calm down?
[Marty] Just put me through
to the maternity ward, please.
-Daddy!
-Hey!
Excuse me.
Maternity ward's here?
-Yes, down the hall.
-Thank you.
-Sir, you need to sign in.
-No, no. I'm the father.
Hi.
[chattering]
It's okay, sleep. I'm here.
I'm here. It's okay.
I'm right here. Don't
worry, I'm not going anywhere.
Go back to sleep.
I love you.
[babies crying]
Five, please, Mizler.
[nurse] Do
you want me to pick him up?
Say hi to Daddy.
["Everybody Wants to
Rule the World" playing]
Yeah, there he is. Say hi.
Yes. Yeah.
[song continues]
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Marty Supreme (2025)
Moderators: Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341
Watch on Amazon Collectables Merchandise
Baseball, Football, Lacrosse, Basketball, Hockey and more sports Movie Collection.
Baseball, Football, Lacrosse, Basketball, Hockey and more sports Movie Collection.