01x08 - Belly of the Hypebeast

[bunniefuu]

- Woah.

- Yo!

I can't believe we're going

to Hiroki's lair.

Our clout dreams are finally

coming true!

Yo, we're gonna be influencers

once and for all!

We never thought

our lives could be ♪

Anything but deadstock tees ♪

But suddenly,

we begin to see ♪

A bit of hype

and Latrine for me ♪

[all] 'Cause we've got

a Golden Dorito ♪

Hit 'em with the remix!

Dorito Mode!

[hip-hop beat playing]

[all] k*lled our principal,

now we don't go to school ♪

Fit so fire,

I be smoking with no Juul ♪

Making deals,

I run Sundance with the crew ♪

FaceTime with Greta,

turning plastic into shoes ♪

[all] Gimme da' shoes,

gimme da' shoes ♪

Dale, Dale,

Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale ♪

[all] We've got

a Golden Dorito ♪

We've got a Golden Dorito ♪

And we're doper than you ♪♪

Oh ♪

- Waitin' for the ♪

- Drop ♪

- Waitin' for ♪

- The drop ♪

- Waitin' for the ♪

- Oh ♪

Waitin' for the ♪♪

[busy chatter]

So proud of

my lil Dorito winners.

Say "clout."

- [camera clicks]

- [all] Clout!

[monorail horn honks]

- [Derica] Oh, hell yeah!

- [Truman] Whoa, what?

Yo, private monorails

are the wave!

Private jets are poor

as f*ck now.

- Language, Hyung-Joon.

- Sorry, Mom. Love you!

[door whirs]

All right,

now who wants to take

some boomers and hike Temescal?

[dance music playing]

♪

Whoa ♪

- Oh, my God!

- Wow!

- Oh, wow!

- Whoa!

Hot towel?

- Don't mind if I do.

- Oh, no, thanks.

I brought my own.

Whoa!

Oh, my God!

Ah!

♪

- [chuckles]

- Hey!

- Yo, check it out, the other winners!

- [sniffing]

[gasps] Let's go say hi.

Man, slow your roll, bruh.

Have you guys forgotten

why we're here?

To meet Hiroki and bask

in the glory of Latrine?

Yes, but also no!

We're on a mission for clout,

and the only thing standing

in our way are those dipshits!

- [lively chatter]

- [camera clicks]

[gasps] Those two-faced snakes.

Exactly.

Everyone's got to be

on their A game.

- We have to stay focused.

- Blue crab hand roll?

- Ooh, thank you.

- What makes you so sure this is a competition?

Isn't it obvious?

This is classic Hiroki.

Only one crew will

reign Latrine.

[attendant] Next stop,

Hiroki's lair!

♪

[Truman] Yo, of course!

Bieber, Kanye, Courtney Cox.

All the legends live

in Calabasas.

- Cindy was the cutest girl in the second grade ♪

- [grunting]

- Still remember the day

- Okay, Brian.

Biggest day of your life.

Hiroki's counting on you.

And that's why you're his

number one henchman of 15 years.

And if you do a good job,

Hiroki's totally gonna look

at your sketchbook,

and he'll be, like,

so impressed.

He'll be like, "Brian.

What other sick ideas

do you have?"

And when you show him,

he'll be like,

"No way!

You're so talented, Brian!"

And then, you'll become BFFs,

and he'll take you

on his meditation trip to Fiji,

and he'll name you

creative director of Latrine,

and people will finally know

your name!

Ayo, what's-your-name!

Them contest winners

is here, dawg.

Okay, let's do this!

[grunting]

♪

- [gasping] - Wow!

- Oh, sick!

[Derica] Oh, sh*t!

- [Dale] Whoa, whoa.

- [Benny] Hey!

- [Truman] Whoa.

- [Derica] Oh, my God!

Damn!

Those bougainvilleas don't play!

Tasteful, yet obnoxious.

I love it.

[Derica] Ooh, nice!

- So cool!

- Look, huh? - [chuckles] Yo!

[horns blowing]

I now present to you

the creator of fits.

Breaker of box tees.

Grinder of rails.

The Hooba of Stanks.

From House Latrine,

Hiroki Michael Hassan!

- Michael?

- So mysterious.

Look, goose bumps.

- [Benny] No way!

- [Derica] Yo, fire!

Okay, that's awesome.

♪

[gasps] Look at

that swaggy-a*s fit!

[clears throat]

Oh, my bad, sire.

[groans]

Oh, sh*t. Is he gonna

Oh, yeah, man.

He's dropping in.

[grunts]

- [gasping]

- Oh, sh*t.

Ha ha!

- And he's okay!

- [chuckling]

[Derica] What a f*cking lej!

Salutations, Dorito winners.

Welcome to my humble lair.

Please pardon our mess.

We've been remodeling

the kitchen since last April.

It's gone horribly wrong,

thanks to Brian,

who said this wasn't gonna be

a big project to take on,

and now I'm suing my contractor.

But that doesn't matter

because you're all here!

Welcome!

You've all earned it.

And to you I say

congratulations.

[cheering]

Now, come on in.

The lair is waiting.

- [scatting]

- You heard the man.

Pose, b*tches!

[Hiroki continues scatting]

[Hiroki] Yeah! Word!

- [gasping] - No way!

- My God!

Before we begin,

there's some boring Brian stuff

that needs to be handled.

Okay, g*ng,

just gonna run you through

a couple terms

and condish ions?

Oh, my God! Could you be

any worse at abbreviating?

My apologies, sire.

As stated in the legally binding

Latrine contracts

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

NDA sh*t. Accept.

Check it out, edible wall paper!

Holy sh*t!

It tastes like In-N-Out.

Correct. I call it

"Farm to Table to Wallpaper."

The other side is Shake Shack.

Feel free to engage

in a discourse about

which is better.

Wow, you can really taste

the milkshake.

Actually, honey,

that's just stucco.

And we're walking.

This is the entryway

of Dope sh*t.

- [Truman] Wow!

- [Dale] Oh, my gosh!

[gasps]

- Whoa!

- sh*t!

Mmm.

[soloing]

Whoa. What's in there?

Oh, that?

It's just Spring 2023

and beyond.

But I'm afraid

only the purest of hype-heart

are allowed to lay eyes

on the future of Latrine.

Did you guys hear that?

- Fits from the future!

- That's it.

Our ticket to influencer status.

For the first time in our lives,

we won't be chasing the clout.

- We'll be the clout.

- You think he has hiking shoes in there?

[gasps] Ooh, ooh,

or maybe a Clif Bar collab.

It's Latrine,

anything's possible.

All right, now that we've had

an aperitif of dope sh*t

and all agree

In-N-Out is better,

it's time for you to see

my closet.

- Oh!

- Wow! - Holy!

[liquid trickling]

My God, it's even better

than I imagined.

Come with me ♪

And you'll be ♪

In a world

of sick-a*s innovation ♪

We'll get lit ♪

With a fit ♪

Traveling through

my walk-in closet ♪

[whooshing softly]

- [gasps] - No f*cking way!

- Holy cow!

Yo, this sh*t is so fi What?

Yo!

No way!

[chuckles, whoops]

It's everything

I ever dreamed of!

Huh?

Ah, très chic!

Yo, fam, quick selfie.

A'ight, a'ight,

everyone say Latrine.

- [all] Latrine!

- [camera clicks]

- [alarm blaring]

- [panicked chatter]

One of y'all done f*cked up!

All right, nobody move!

The NDA clearly said no selfies.

Bruh, you know nobody

actually reads that sh*t.

Yeah, Hiroki said that was just

some stupid Brian stuff.

Why do you think everything

in this lair is so mysterious?

It's because no one takes pics

and posts them on sosh meed.

I hate to say it,

but rules are rules.

Brian, take them away.

With pleasure, sire.

[groaning and whining]

- Ah!

- No, no!

[gasps]

[screams]

Please, please!

You can't do this to us!

Everyone on Fairfax thinks we're

coming back as influencers!

The only thing you're coming

back with is a staph infection.

Enjoy the trash chute, noobs.

Buh-bye.

[all screaming]

Y'all just got gloop'd.

[screaming]

Not today, Satan!

[grunts]

[groaning]

Benny, what are you doing?

We didn't come all this way

to go home empty-handed!

We are in a f*cking trash chute,

dude!

What the f*ck are we

supposed to do?

Sneak back in there

and raid that vault.

We need those future fits.

You guys, look,

maintenance shaft, up there!

[grunts] Okay, Derica,

I'll give you a boost.

[grunting]

Take my hand, Dale.

[gasps]

[straining]

- I'm stuck.

- Ditch the fanny!

I can't do it!

It's you or the fanny, Dale.

Don't be stupid!

But every Scout badge I've

ever earned was with this fanny!

Think about the vault, man.

And the staph infection.

But mostly the vault!

Forgive me, Fanny.

♪

[grunting]

Come on, Dale.

We got to move.

♪

Funny story, Mikey Fassbender

and I do a boys' trip to Ireland

with our homies:

Neeson, Farrell, Gleeson.

Aye, aye, check it out.

It's the tour.

So we're out on the isle,

bellies full of Glenmorangie,

and I have the idea

for Cere-bruh,

a 3D printer for your mind.

All of Latrine's

dopest accessories come

from this machine right here.

Bruh, the things I could do.

Ooh, it's like

a director's dream.

Open your mind.

What do you desire?

[sighs] My fanny.

Dale, you okay?

I just feel so naked without it.

What's this muhfucka

thinking of?

[electrical crackling]

Mom, I swear that's not

what I was thinking of!

- [grunts]

- [laughter]

Yo, if that Fleshlight f*ck

gets to see the vault

and I don't,

I'm selling my gear to Dale

and I'm moving to Oregon.

Ah, my hair!

Truman, shh!

Someone might

Hear you?

[all screaming]

Brian, is everything all right?

[sniffs] Smells like burnt hair.

Perfect, sire.

Just a couple rats.

I'll take care of it.

[screaming]

[gasping]

2023 T-shirts! We made it!

Hold up,

pit stains are the future?

This isn't the vault.

It's the laundry room!

[all screaming]

Yo! Up ahead!

[grunting]

- What do we do, Boy Scout?

- Uh, okay, here we go.

No fanny, no problem.

Just let me think for a sec.

Um, uh

Yeah, the tank's empty.

I got nothing.

What would Fanny Dale do?

Bingo.

[grunting]

Look, Robot Prince's jacket.

He was stationed by the vault!

- Follow that jacket!

- [all grunt]

[screaming]

- [groaning]

- [panicked chatter]

[all grunt]

There it is!

- [screaming]

- [muffled thuds]

♪

- [chuckling]

- [henchman] Hey.

Who are you guys?

Uh, we're the new

Velcro experts.

Velcro experts?

Yeah. Hiroki's gone sour

on the whole zipper movement.

It's all about Velcro now.

How come Brian didn't say

anything about this?

- Because Brian is a b*tch.

- [laughing]

I heard he gets his haircut

at Fantastic Sams.

Such a loser.

[chuckles] Yeah, no, right.

By the way,

you guys don't happen to have

any, uh, knowledge about

any way that we can get

to the vault, right?

Just because we're supposed

to be here for the orientation,

- but we got lost, so

- Oh, yeah, yeah,

just head down the hallway

to the elevator,

drop down to the first floor,

and you'll see it right there.

Much love, my Gs.

It's gonna be both your asses

if we don't find them.

You're not our boss, bro.

I'm Hiroki's right hand,

aka I'm your f*cking boss.

[scoffs] Then how come we

get two weeks paid vacation

- and you don't?

- You guys get two weeks?

Hey, there they are!

Got you, you little shits.

Yo, no way!

Hiroki's great-great-great-

great-grandfather was

a badass samurai hypebeast!

k*lling for influence is

the original hustle, huh, Dale?

Dale? You okay, man?

[sighs]

I remember when I used to climb.

Me. Bag of chalk. Fanny.

Fanny and I promised each other

we'd climb Mount Everest

one day.

Come on, Dale.

We got to keep moving.

[sighing] Guess that dream

is dead,

along with the rest

of Fanny Dale.

Dale, you can buy

a million fanny packs

if we get to that vault.

It's not the same!

[bell dings]

Going somewhere?

Oh, sh*t, five-O and 12! Run!

[all panting]

[grunts]

[panting]

[all screaming]

- [panting]

- [Truman] Yo, this way!

[all screaming]

Hi-yah!

[all grunting]

[panicked groaning]

[screaming]

[panting]

You're dead!

[all gasp]

Game over!

Just come with us,

and no one has to lose

any followers!

No way! We're not leaving here

without some f*cking clout!

You're never gonna have clout.

When everyone back on Fairfax

finds out

you got banned from Latrine,

your lives are over!

- [all gasp]

- You're gonna have to go

into social media

witness protection

when I'm through with you.

- f*ck that noise. We got to jump.

- Get 'em.

- See you soon, Fanny!

- [Truman] Live free, clout hard!

Deuces, b*tch!

You have one job!

Seriously!

How hard is it to hench?

Can't you morons do

anything right?

Oh, f*ck that guy.

Seriously,

I am so off Brian today.

[Brian] I heard that!

[coughing]

Is everyone all right?

Ah. I'm having a tween-life

crisis, but I'm alive.

Benny?!

Dale, help, he needs CPR!

Sure, I just got to reach into

my fanny and grab my LifeVac

Oh, right, I don't have it

because I ditched it

in a trash chute

and now my friend's gonna die!

Live, damn it! Live!

[retches, coughs]

[gasps] Nipsy? Is this heaven?

Close. It's the first floor.

And there's an open window,

right over there!

- [gasps] Wow!

- Whoa. - Cool.

[Dale] They know the answer?

There's got to be

an emergency exit map somewhere.

- Wait!

- Come on, D. We've come too far.

No.

If Hiroki's secretly

testing on animals

while claiming

to be cruelty-free,

then I need to know.

[meowing]

[barking]

[meowing]

- Aw!

- Aw. Animal testing.

- Aw, adorable.

- How cute! - [squealing]

I've never been more proud

to be a Latrine head.

This rules so hard!

Okay, which one of you pups is

the smartest one here?

[panting]

Uh-huh, nice try, mustard face.

- Get the f*ck out of here.

- [whimpers]

Hey, yo, dog.

- You know where the vault is at, dog?

- [barks]

f*ck yeah!

Well, come on then. Let's go!

- [barking]

- Grab your passports, kids.

We're going to Clout City.

[all panting]

[barking]

The f*ck?

[barks]

It's a trap!

The dogs betrayed us!

- Gotcha, b*tch!

- [camera clicks]

Congratulations.

You are officially

as lame as Macklemore.

You can kiss

your clout dreams goodbye.

[laughing maniacally]

Why do they call it

a dial-up room?

- [modems screeching loudly]

- [all groaning]

[groans]

[straining]

Damn, these bars are stronger

than a J. Cole verse.

Ugh! I can't hack

this mainframe.

Netscape Navigator is

taking forever to load.

Derica, how's the séance?

Any luck raising the dead?

Mm, spirits are

so not feeling us right now.

Dale?

Buddy

How we doing over here?

You want to help us get out

of this bizarre '90s hellhole?

[sighs] What's the point?

Bro, come on.

I cannot be directing

shitty network multi-cams

for the rest of my life.

Yeah! Think of all the

orangutans I can't help

if I'm stuck in here.

Yeah, come on, dude.

Nobody wants to buy shoes

from a cloutless loser,

so we're gonna need you

to buck up

and get with the program,

jah feel?

No, Hyung-Joon. Jah don't feel.

I know you guys think I'm

this insanely cool,

normcore legend

who kissed Shania Twain,

but I'm not,

not without my fanny.

Why would you say that, Dale?

Because if I'm not helping

you guys with my fanny,

I mean, what am I

even doing here, huh?

Why keep me in the crew?

Everyone has their brand,

except for me.

Truman and his creativity.

Derica and her activism.

- Benny and his food.

- I'm a multi-hyphenate, you f*cking fat shamer.

[sighs] Dawg, you think

we'd just up and abandon you

because you lost

your goofy-a*s fanny pack?

Yeah, I mean, we're selfish

as f*ck, but we're not monsters.

Look, we don't hang out

with you because you have

a bag of tools

around your waist, Dale.

We hang out with you

because in a world

of fake f*ck and hypebeasts,

you're as real as it gets.

Yo, you're the first white kid

I ever liked, Dale.

You have a permanent invite

to the cookout,

but you cannot dance

to "Back That Azz Up," not yet.

Before you came into the crew,

we were all over the place.

sh*t, Truman wanted to be

a magician.

Homeboy wore a cape

for all of sixth grade.

Real talk: you're a breath

of fresh Oregon air.

You're fam, fam.

- On God?

- Oh, hear that?

Using slang the right way?

Before you know it,

you gon' be cool as f*ck,

influencing hella sh*t.

You know what?

You're right.

I'm more than just a fanny.

I'm Dale and I friggin' love

this g*ng g*ng!

Truman, I will see you

at that BBQ, my man.

And I'm wearing my du-rag!

I dare you.

Okay, I think I know

how to get us out of here.

- How?!

- I'm gonna k*ll Brian.

- What the f*ck, bro?

- What the f*ck?

With kindness.

I'm gonna use my mental fanny.

- Ah, yes.

- [chuckles] Oh. - Oh!

So much more on-brand.

[singsongy] Yoo-hoo, Brian.

Over here. It's me, Dale.

What the hell do you want,

you little sh*t stain?

I couldn't help but notice

your Arnold Palmie.

Oh, this old thing?

Yeah, I've been working

on my own little rec ipe.

It's called a Brian Palmer.

It's half lemonade,

half fruit punch.

Why don't you suck on that?

[slurps]

No foolies, Brian.

I would suck on that super hard,

because it sounds amazing.

Pass me a straw. [laughs]

Hey, I bet you have a ton of

other good ideas too, huh?

Well, I mean, I shouldn't be

saying this out loud,

but yeah, I've been designing

my own line.

You know, just shh

Top sec ret.

Top secret.

- No way!

- Yeah!

No, like denim underwear,

and like, a sweet-a*s belt

that says "belt" on it.

- Ugh, I hate that.

- I love that!

So you never forget

what to use it for, duh!

Yeah, see, you get it.

I don't see

why fricking Hiroki doesn't.

He never likes my ideas.

Well, if he doesn't respect

your ideas,

why you still working here?

[sighs]

Well, I thought

after a couple years

of b*tch work,

I'd be creative director,

hanging out in Milan

with Rick Owens and John Legend.

But 15 years went by,

and I'm still just

another henchman.

You're so much more

than a henchman,

but no one's gonna know

unless you show them, Bri-dawg.

Bri-dawg?

That's the first time anyone's

ever given me a nickname.

I've been asking Hiroki

to give me a nickname for years.

You know what, Dale?

Hiroki has been holding me back.

I don't need that waxed as*h*le.

- Yeah!

- Or Latrine!

- Double yeah!

- I'm gonna be my own creative director!

That's the spirit!

Now how about letting us

out of here?

You know what?

For you, Dale, anything.

All right,

I'm out of here, f*ck!

You guys coming or what?

Dale, that was

the most awe-inspiring,

posi performance I've seen

since Serena crushed Wimbledon

after having a baby.

Let's get to that vault!

[all panting]

[cheering]

[panting]

Access granted, fam.

- [whirring]

- [guitar soloing]

[all gasp]

I was beginning to think

you weren't going to make it.

Make it? But you kicked us

off the tour.

What about that selfie?

Ah, come on.

Everybody knows pics

or it didn't happen.

The selfie set you

on a path of hustling,

which is exactly what

it was supposed to do.

So, you're not mad?

Mad? You ruined my lair,

tainted my Gatorade river,

dirtied all my laundry.

I have 20 dogs running wild

through my home,

and my right-hand man

of 15 years just quit.

I'm furious!

- But I'm also incredibly proud of you.

- For real?

It ain't every day you meet

a g*ng like yours.

Committed to clout.

Ear to the streets.

- Nose to the grind.

- [laughing]

Come on.

So, why all this?

Why a Golden Dorito?

Simple, I just wanted to flex

and find my most loyal

Latrine heads.

But what about

the other winners?

[sputters] I sent

them basic b*tches home

with some stickers

and an ashtray.

They saw some cool sh*t,

but they didn't see the future.

- [laughing]

- Oh, I almost forgot.

[gasps] Fanny!

- Thank God, you found it!

- [overlapping cheers]

Got to say, very well curated,

young man.

Hope you don't mind,

I gave it a little face-lift.

[gasps]

It's even more sicker

than before!

Thank you, Mr. Hassan.

Now who wants to see Spring '23?

[all] I do! I do!

[1TakeJay: "Drip Walking"]

Big, big, big swag ♪

Big, big, big swag,

big old, big old ♪

Big, big, big swag ♪

Wait, hold up, I'm finna turn

this b*tch up

Well, guys, we did it.

We're influencers now.

After today,

Derica will be saving the world.

Truman's gonna be directing

a four-quadrant sci-fi movie.

And you're gonna be selling

Dunks to Bad Bunny.

You guys aren't coming

to school tomorrow?

School is for regular people,

Dale,

but we'll see you

on the group chat.

The influencers of Fairfax

have arrived!

[wind whistles]

Where is everyone?

[chuckles] Ain't you kids heard?

There's a new sheriff in town.

Those Latrine fits

might as well be Old Navy.

What are you talking about,

Weston?

We're literally wearing

the future.

Nobody cares about the future.

We're living in the now. Look.

♪

[cheering]

[lively chatter]

Reselling denim undies

for a thou!

Link in bio, fam!

Off-Brian?

- That m*therf*cker!

- Now what do we do?

Cop some Off-Brian, I guess.

The buck is hot

Ah. Man, is it good to be home.

- No, it isn't!

- Now I look stupid!

- Shut up, Dale.

- [all clamoring]

Yo! This is the end

of season one already?

- We just got here!

- Yeah, cuz.

sh*t's donezo.

We flying south till season two.

Well, if I get back,

and it's not certified fresh

on Rotten Tomatoes,

I'm gonna be heated.

I'm gonna be pissed.

I'm gonna be heated up, pissed.

You feel me?

The buck is hot ♪

The buck is hot ♪

The buck is hot ♪

The buck is hot ♪

Chirp.