02x02 - I Love Pain

[bunniefuu]

I just wanted to talk to you.
I know we've had some,

you know, awkward passings.

Anyway, I'm going back to school soon

and we haven't really
hung out this summer.

So I didn't know if you maybe wanted
to grab dinner sometime?

Yeah, I don't think so. Sorry.

But have a good school year.

Thanks.

Mr. Laird. Did you see that?

Connor? Hey.

No. I was just up here
thinking about re-sanding this banister.

'Cause I don't want anybody
to get splinters, you know?

f*ck. g*dd*mn it.

Connor will bounce back, right?

From, "Have a good school year"?
Zero chance.

- Not cool, kid.
- Got it.

So...

So, Daughter, I've been wanting
to talk to you about something.

I had a surprise visitor at the office--

Can you tell me later?

Sorry. I just have my driver's test
in, like, an hour

and I'm really stressed
about my license photo.

I know I wanna smile,

but I can't decide whether
to do mouth closed. Or barely open.

It's like two completely different people.

Hey, there she is.

Well, who's ready
for a big adult milestone?

Me, I guess.

Unless I fail. Then I'm...
Then it's over. It's over.

Hey, even if you do, it'll be okay.

You don't remember this,

but you failed at toilet training
until you were, like, five.

Now look at ya.
Pooping in potties like a pro.

Nice.

Oh, my God.

See you later, Dad.

Thanks for taking her.
Apparently, I make her too nervous.

I owe you one.

Letting me spy on you
off my balcony is payment enough.

Spying on me from your balcony,
it's invasive and it's pretty creepy.

Especially with the smile.

Understood.

Still gonna do it though.

You know I love those.

What are you wearing your sex boxers
at work for, you little freak?

Dress for the job you want.

Wow. You'd better slow that down.

Don't hurt nobody.

- We are now processing that application.
- Thanks.

Tell me more about this job you want.

- You want scratchies?
- Hey, Paul.

Whoops.

It's all good.

We should add it to our sign out front.

"Rhoades Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy Center...

Our doctors f*ck."

Wait a minute. All right.

That makes it seem like we have sex
with our patients, which we don't.

At least I don't.

That is not funny.

Paul, I want to assure you I have not had
full penetration with any of the patients.

Wonderful.

Did you get a chance
to tell Alice about our visitor?

I have not. No.
I can't find the right way in.

Yesterday, she broke a mug
and I almost said,

"Don't worry, sweetie.
It's just an accident.

Speaking of accidents,
remember the one your mom was in?

The guy who k*lled her came by."

- Smooth.
- Yeah.

I gotta nail this
'cause it's really gonna rattle her.

Rattled you too.

Did it?
I guess I never really thought about it.

Gosh, you're good.

Yes, it rattled me, Paul.
But I'm stronger than you think.

Good news if true.

Hey, Dr. Rhoades. I just came early
because I wanted to steal a protein bar.

And another one for later.

And another one to sell.

See you there in a second.

Oh, man.

Hey, what's wrong, boo boo?

My caseload is full, and I picked up Sean.

Unfortunately, I have to drop someone.

- Not Raymond. He's your favorite.
- I don't have favorites.

Please. We all have favorites.
Mine is Annie.

The one who slept with her mom's
boyfriend just to prove he was a cheater.

Uh-huh. I love that messy b*tch.

I don't love Ray.

- It's just unfortunate...
- Ray.

...that the one client
who's equipped to move on

- is the one that I--
- Crush on?

- Wanna be bros with?
- Wanna "big-spoon-little-spoon" with?

You guys wanna power walk together
with tiny dumbbells.

Share a rotisserie chicken from Costco.

I can't believe you're dumping me.

Ray, you've been doing so well
for so long.

And I've got this kid
who could really use my help.

Kid? Knew it.

He's probably messed up in all kinds
of young, exciting ways, right?

At this point, you're just paying me
to sh**t the sh*t.

- I feel like I'm robbing you.
- I know. That's why I take protein bars.

Truth is, we've been
through a lot together.

My dad's death, my divorce,

that month I tried an English accent.

Can we at least still be friends?
Maybe get a beer sometime?

Ray, it wouldn't be appropriate.

I'm strict about boundaries.

Okay. Well, at least admit
that you're gonna miss me.

I will. Very much.

Since we're not gonna be friends...

can I have some of my money back, guv?

Don't end it like this.

No tea? No crumpets?

How come Gaby got a thank-you note
for her wedding gift and I did not?

Because you didn't get us a gift.

I made a donation in your names
to the Pasadena Animal Rescue.

- As I said, you did not get us a gift.
- Oh, my God.

And cardio burst.

Speaking of ew,
I gotta stop bonking Jimmy.

- Good. We're back here again.
- I know. I'm so pathetic.

But, like, you know, I'm strong.
I can handle sh*t. You know?

I was married to a heroin addict.
I helped him get clean.

You know I wax myself too?

- Why?
- I don't even look away when I do it.

I look right down the barrel
of this bad boy.

You know, I can hold my pee for 48 hours.

That's too long, Gaby.

I know. But for some reason,
I can't quit this basic-a*s man.

Don't look at me.

I've tried everything except
knocking his d*ck out of your mouth.

- Okay, hi.
- I need help.

You'll stop f*cking Jimmy
when you're ready. Back me up, Brian.

Yeah. Honestly,

the main thing I think is how come
no one told me you were f*cking Jimmy?

What? Our Jimmy? No. Gross.

- I guess I could see it.
- Yeah.

How long has this been going on?

Since he puked
all over himself at your engagement party.

- Yeah, engagement party.
- Since my engagement?

You know what?
f*ck Jimmy for not telling me.

And f*ck you, Gaby.

f*ck you too, Liz.

f*ck rescue dogs. That's right.
f*ck hiking.

f*ck that headband.

Actually, I like that headband.

He's supposed to be my best friend.

My best friend!

f*ck all of you!

f*ck you, red shirt. You too, leggings.
f*ck this whole mountain!

Honestly, that made it all worth it.

- Agreed. Do you wanna look for rocks?
- No.

Test didn't go great.

She knocked over a few cones
and she scraped a mailbox.

And those dummies passed me anyway!

Yes! Congratulations.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm gonna dump my stuff
and we'll celebrate.

Wherever we go, I'm driving.
And I'm taking your car.

You got it.

Speaking of cars, do you remember
what happened to your mom in one?

g*dd*mn it!

- What?
- I'm sorry.

I was... I've been trying to find a way in.
That was not it.

Sweetie, the other driver
from your mom's accident

came to my office.

Holy sh*t. When?

Last week.

Last week? And you're just telling me now?

I'm sorry.

What did he want?

I don't know. To talk, probably.
It doesn't matter.

I told him to leave and then he did.

Hey, you okay?

I guess. I don't know.

- Same here.
- Yeah.

You wanna talk about it?

No, not yet.
But I'm really glad you told me.

Yeah. Pretty smooth.

- Okay, I'm gonna go get ready.
- Okay. I love you.

"Speaking of cars"?

Derek, what do I have to do

to get you to stop spying on me?

Probably move.

He emerges from his cave. My man.

You okay, sweetie?

I can't stop thinking about Alice.

- I...
- It's an emotional pain,

but my whole body hurts.

- Oh, Bubba, I get it. I love you.
- Love you.

So whiny. How long
do we have to live like this?

- Mom?
- Yeah, sweetie?

Could you make me French toast?

Coming right up.

He's the worst. k*ll me now.

You are such a good mom.

- Dude, go make us French toast.
- Coming right up.

Hey, I'm going to brunch with Summer.
I said you'd pay for it

because you felt guilty
about being weird yesterday.

You're correct.

We're not going to brunch in the '80s.

- Being weird is expensive. Okay.
- Thank you.

- You wanna take the car?
- No. I'm good.

Really? Okay.

I know I dropped a b*mb on you
so don't be mad if I keep checking in.

Fine. But you're not gonna be,
like, my shadow, right?

No.

Get in, hottie.

Hey, Jimmy.

Or Mr. Laird.

You got it, pimp.

Jimmy's fine.

Next.

Hi, I'll have a shrimp po'boy
and a sweet tea.

I'll have the same order as his,
but mine first.

He funded the truck,

so he gets lifetime
front-of-the-line privileges.

It's like a FastPass,
but for Dereks. I'm Derek.

Okay.

You know what?
Today, when I was getting coffee,

I met a food blogger

and somehow I kept my mouth shut
about how that's not a real job,

because it's not.

But he wants to do a write-up
on our truck. So, pretty great.

Yeah. Really great.

I don't wanna be in a blog.

Christ. Can you wait till we sit down?

Paul, I told Alice. It went well.

We'll hang a banner. "Father of the year."

Apparently, this guy wants
to write about me being a vet.

I don't want any of that soldier-boy sh*t.

I want this truck
to feel like a fresh start.

Then don't do the interview.
Just tell scary neighbor lady.

Liz.

Don't humanize her.

- She can be a lot.
- Yeah.

But she's done so much for me.
I don't want to seem ungrateful.

What you writing?

Doctor sh*t.

This is your pattern.

You avoid hard conversations
'cause they can be painful.

This is the same stuff
that came up last week

when we were talking about your dad.

I'm not avoiding my dad.

Yeah? When's the last time
you talked to him?

Does he know you have a food truck?
Does he know where you live?

- Let's stay on Liz.
- Okay.

I should have never told her I'd do this.
If I back out now, she might get pissed.

Look, we got a huge incentive here
to teach you how to face pain.

You can't feel good about yourself
if you avoid it.

I've got a tool for that. Could help.

It's called "Reversal of Desire."

Sounds like an erotic thriller
starring Nic Cage.

It does.

Come on. Close your eyes.

Seriously?

Visualize your worst fear
of how the conversation with Liz could go.

See the pain appear before you
like a cloud.

Instead of running from it,
move forward, towards the pain.

Say, "Bring it on. I love pain."

And then finally, the cloud will
spit you out into the light,

feeling like you've conquered something.
Because you have.

And then you say, "Pain sets me free."

Are you doing it?

Nah. I feel pretty stupid.

Well, you look stupid.

But it works.

I'll say it. Spinning sucks.

You just hate working out
while someone yells at you.

Yeah, I guess I'm weird like that.

Dude, I snapped my hair tie.
Let me borrow your scrunchie.

- No. I just got this.
- Please. Come on.

- You never give them back.
- I know. You have the good ones.

That's why I don't wanna give them to you.

Let me have it. Please.

- This one's nice.
- Okay, I know.

You know, I always got you,

but you owe me,
like, a hundred scrunchies.

Whatever.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What you doing?

I don't know. I've just been thinking
about Tia a lot since that guy came by.

- You?
- Yeah.

Of course. I think about her all the time.
She's the love of my life, you know.

Yeah, about that.

Listen, Jimmy, it's been fun,

but I think we need to end
whatever it is we're doing.

It'd be one thing if there were,
like, real feelings. You know?

Like, if we thought
maybe this could go somewhere.

Okay. Yeah, you're right. Got it.

If it's not feeling fun for you anymore,
I hear you.

Let's shut it down.

Yeah.

But maybe let's give each other
some space for a minute?

Then before we know it,
I won't even remember

that you were the first guy tall enough
for me to 69 with.

- We made a strong team.
- Strong team.

- I know. We always said that.
- Yeah.

I almost feel like we should
swap jerseys or something.

That's funny.

- Good game.
- Yeah. Good game, sir.

Okay.

Okay. So, I know that technically,
shoplifting is wrong--

Wait. Hold that thought.
My dad's been hovering lately.

Dad?

Hey. Not hovering. Didn't hear anything.

Just got home, actually.

I'm not gonna need the Bronco
if you wanna take her for a spin.

No, I'm good.

You're, like, the first kid
in history to get their license

and not ask to use the car once.

If this is because of--

'Cause of Double D?

Who?

Drunk driver.

You're, like, horrible at nicknames.

Yeah, Dad, it's probably because of him,

but could you just
please give me some space?

Yeah. Yes, of course.

You know the drill.
I'm here if you need me.

Thanks.

Summer, shoplifting's not
technically wrong. It's just wrong. Okay.

You know what's crazy?

I keep wishing that guy had showed up
here, instead of my dad's office.

There's just so much
I want to say to him. You know?

Like, about how he f*cked up our lives.

I just have all of these thoughts
swirling around in my head

- and I don't know what to do with them.
- Do what I did when my dad split.

Write him a long-a*s letter.

You don't even need to send it,
but it totally helped me

get all that stuff out of my head.

PS, I also used it
for all my college essays.

Alice. Hi. You left your... I'm gonna...

Hi. You left your sunglasses
in my dad's car

and he thought it would be a growth moment
for me to return them to you. So...

- Thanks.
- I'm gonna go hide in a tree.

Who is that delicious sad boy?

I'll give him a growth moment.

Oh, my God. That'd actually be amazing.
Wait, let me introduce you. Come on.

Connor, Connor. This is Summer.
I wanted you guys to meet.

- Nice to meet you.
- You're so stupid.

I'll call the baguette vendor.

I can tell they switched from live
sourdough cultures to commercial yeast.

I don't know what that means.

Be careful talking like that
around the blog guy tomorrow.

If you start tossing around words
like "umami" and "flavor profile,"

he might orgasm
all over the uncooked shrimp.

- Then I will not use any of those words.
- Thank you.

While we're on the subject,
about the blog--

Hey, I saw Connor being flirty
with that Autumn girl.

You mean Summer?

I knew it was a season.

Maybe this will get him to stop moping.

Can we pay her to f*ck our son?

Yeah, I think maybe

I'd feel more comfortable just,
you know, rooting for him.

You didn't ask, but me too.

- Two to one. We're gonna root.
- Whatever.

What were you saying about the blog?

Oh, man. Liz is pumped up.

She hasn't been this stoked
since she got us separate blankets.

Listen, I know I'm overexcited.

- It's a weird color on me. It is.
- It is kind of weird, yeah.

But how cool would it be
if our little truck thing blew up?

I'm rooting for you guys too.

Not like that.

What were you saying?

It's nothing. It can wait.

Yo, Paul. Jimmy gave me your cell.

He said you don't check voicemail
right away, but you always read texts.

I tried to talk to Liz,
but I was a total chickenshit.

I just realized it's almost 7:00.
You're probably already asleep.

You know what? Let me just tell you
exactly how it happened.

You know how if you use
live sourdough yeast in a baguette,

you get a more complex flavor?

Jesus Christ.

Hey, what the hell happened to you?
I've been waiting in the tub.

You said you were gonna
grab us some wine and join me.

My patient just texted me a f*cking book.
I'll be right up.

No. It's too late. I'm sleepy.

- Well, I--
- No, you missed your window.

For the bath or for the good stuff?

All windows are closed.

He did what on the shrimp?

Listen, Grace,

I know it's hard,
but you gotta forgive yourself.

I pushed my husband off a cliff.
Who does that?

I'm a psycho with good hair.

- I like the good hair part.
- Look whose self-esteem is back.

- I'm a f*cking monster.
- And it's gone.

It's gonna take time,
but I'm gonna get you there.

You're gonna keep coming here every day
whether I want you to or not, aren't you?

Could you at least smuggle me in
some Sour Patch Kids, please?

Of course, Grace.

- Wait, do you mean, like, in my butt?
- No.

Then of course, Grace.

I have to head out,

but I know that Brian has some legal stuff
to go over with you, so...

We can't do much trial prep until
they make a final decision on charges.

But as your counsel,
there is one small detail I need to know.

Were you aware that
Jimmy was sleeping with his coworker?

Yes, I was.

Thank you.

"Yes, she was."

Wow.

Paul, it's so warm and inviting.

It's just like you.

Except not at all like you,
you know what I mean?

No, I never know what you mean.

Did you give Sean
my personal cell phone number?

Yeah. He seemed really stressed out

- and he asked for it--
- What the hell?

What are you, a 7-Eleven for this kid?

Just open 24 hours a day,
seven days a week?

I know how 7-Eleven works, Paul.

Well, then, you know they're only
for Slurpees. And condoms.

Hey, handsome.

I couldn't sleep,
so if you're still interested, I--

Jimmy's here.

- I'm-- Hon, I'm--
- No. You know what, never mind. Just...

g*dd*mn it. This is the second window
I missed because of you.

I'm sorry. And I say that
not being exactly sure what I'm sor...

It was sex. Sorry.

I'm trying to give Sean the tools he needs

- to help himself.
- Yeah.

But because of you,

anytime he feels dysregulated,
he looks for outside help.

You've done this kid a huge disservice.

- You're buzzing me in my own house?
- I am.

And it's 'cause I think you're wrong.

Paul, I see Grace every day
and you know why?

Because you feel guilty.
'Cause she threw her husband off a cliff.

- There is that.
- Sure.

But also because sometimes
people need more.

Paul, as therapists,
you and I are a lot alike.

- You take that back.
- It's true.

We both care about our patients so much.

And, yes, you might argue
I don't have enough boundaries.

You don't have any boundaries.

Well, maybe you have too damn many.

Christ. You're like a mental health robot.

Engage empathy.

Interesting. Interesting.

Time's up. Disengage.

I never say beep-boop.

How about Raymond? You like him so much

and you're not gonna see him again
because of some stupid rules?

I mean... I get it.

You are here and I'm way over here.

But maybe if we both just move
a little closer to the middle

because, Paul, I'm telling you,
sometimes people need more.

- Hey, Paul.
- Hey, kid.

I got your text. Fun read.

Are you in any immediate distress?

Nah, not really. I was just hoping
we could talk this out, so...

Not tonight. Use the tool I gave you

and we'll talk it through next week
in your regular session.

- Okay.
- Good night.

Right. That must've felt really good
to do that in front of me.

Yeah, it really did.

Hey, I know I promised
I was gonna give you some space,

but permission to just poke my head in
and say what's up?

Go ahead.

What's up?

I'm writing a letter to Double D.

Wow.

Not super psyched
that nickname stuck, but...

I'm not gonna send it or anything.

Summer just said
it might help me feel better.

I'm gonna say something
I never thought I would say.

Summer had a good idea.

- All right, this is what I got so far.
- Okay.

"Dear Mr. Winston,

You ruined my life, you piece of sh*t.
Eat my a*s."

That's a strong start.
That really hooks you.

I should probably write one of those, huh?

Grab a pen.

It's getting hard to deal
with Mama's vision.

And she needs that cataract surgery, okay?

- You gotta come home and talk to her.
- You live with her.

- You f*cking talk to her.
- Gaby, that's why I'm here.

What? Don't give me that
"woe-is-me" sh*t, Courtney, all right?

I did my time. It's time for you
to step your sh*t up.

- How about that?
- f*cking Saint Gaby.

How long are you gonna
make me pay for the past?

'Cause there's only so much sh*t I can eat
before we start hating each other.

But hey, maybe that's what you want.

- Hey, Courtney.
- f*cking giants.

Hey, Big Bird.
Say hey to Little Bird for me.

- You got it.
- Okay.

She calls Alice "Little Bird," so...

Hey, what's going on? Same old stuff?

You wanna to talk about it?

Oh, yeah. I would love to talk about it
with my dear old friend Jimmy.

But we f*cked that up, remember?

Are you waiting for me to answer?
I thought you were gonna storm out.

No, I was. I just remembered
I had my English muffin toasting, so...

- There you go.
- Yeah.

Move.

All right, Paul.

This is so dumb,
talking to no one out loud.

Bring it on.

What do you mean
you don't want to do it anymore?

Why? Is it 'cause
you're a giant f*cking baby?

Maybe it's my fault 'cause I let you
use Derek's fancy toilet that one time.

You probably think we sh*t money
but we don't.

In fact, I don't do number two
at all anymore.

I stopped it with willpower.

Something that you know nothing about,
you giant chickenshit!

What do you mean
you don't want to do it anymore? Why?

You know what?
Actually, it's okay. Let's just cancel.

Really?

I found out that he calls his blog
Bite in Shining Armor,

so I'm pretty sure I already hate him.

Thank you, Liz. I appreciate it.

Anything for you.

I love this truck
and it really means so much to me.

I have this for you.

A rock. Holy sh*t.

It's one of my favorites.

You okay?

Yeah.

You're not talking.

I'm happy.

Thank you, Liz.

Okay, now get away from me
for a few minutes.

I'm gonna go in the truck.

Will you do the sign from now on?
It pinches my fingers.

- Please.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I'm going out. Can I get the keys?
- Yeah.

Giving my little girl the keys, huh?

I'd love if you could throw me those

without trying to make some
father-daughter moment out of this.

- You think you can?
- I know I can't.

- Okay.
- You get to choose though,

between me taking a video
of you catching the keys

or a tight hug of meaningful length.

- Get your phone out.
- Yes, that's the one I wanted.

I did hug arms
as reverse psychology. Okay.

- Okay.
- I'm gonna set this to music later and--

- We're going now? Okay.
- Yeah.

Action.

- What do you want me to do?
- Ask for the keys again.

Right, right.

Hey, Dad, can I have the keys, please?

Sure. Here you go, kiddo.

Yes!

And cut.

- That was in slow motion...
- Okay.

...so it's gonna be pretty cool.

I'm gonna go.

Hey, can you do me a favor?
Just be so careful out there.

You got it, pimp.

- What up, Alice?
- Hey.

- Yo.
- Hey, man. How you doing?

Pain sets me free.

- So, good?
- Real good, Jimmy.

f*ck.

Hey. I'm calling to tell you
that Sean seems to be doing great.

So yeah. You were right.

Of course I'm right.
I'm always right. That's what I do.

Well, maybe... Maybe someday
when I'm right about something,

you could give me a little credit, huh?

Dare to dream, Jimbo.

Good night, Paul.

Hey, Ray.

Hey, there he is.

Give me an IPA, will you?

So, where were you born?

You know everything about me.
I gotta catch up.

Darien, Connecticut.

How many kids do you have?

What are you doing here?

Listen, I respect your boundaries.
Doesn't mean I can't be a friend.

Look, we both know how it goes
with your sister. It always blows over.

But until then, yeah,
I made you a little care package.

Some of your favorite things.
There's a bath b*mb,

there's some good tequila,

and there's those grapes you love
that taste like cotton candy.

How do they do it?

It's like grapes and the cotton candy
and then it's like what?

- It's a Christmas miracle.
- It really is.

It's gonna be okay.

Thank you.

Hey, f*ck you.

- f*ck me?
- Yeah.

I didn't even move.
You leaned in to kiss me.

Yeah, but you were gonna let me kiss you.

You know, I don't even know
what's happening right now.

I just came over here
with a bag of treats.

- No other intentions, so...
- You did?

You came over with a bag of tweets
and no other intentions?

Show me your underwear.

- Excuse me?
- Show me.

You heard me. You wearing the red stuff?
The sex boxers I like?

Show me your f*cking underwear.

I am not going
to show you my undergarment.

Well, why not? You have something to hide?

- Show me your undergarment.
- You know what?

- This is getting weird.
- Show me your undergarment.

Gaby, this is getting weird.
I'm gonna leave.

- No, you made it weird.
- I'm gonna leave.

- Actually, you made it weird.
- Hey, no.

- Let me see your underwear.
- No. Hey. No.

- I do not consent. No.
- Show me your underwear. Let me see.

- Let me see it!
- How are you so f*cking strong?

Show me! Show me!

- Show me your underwear.
- Release me. Stop saying it.

- Stop saying it! No! I will not!
- Show me your underwear!

Yeah.

Fine.

But you're the one who made a move on me.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Yeah, you did because you knew.

- I knew what?
- Really? You gonna make me say it?

Jimmy.
You knew I caught feelings, all right?

But you're so f*cking selfish,
you just kept f*cking me anyway, right?

Yeah? Just admit it.

Yeah.

Get the f*ck out of my house.

- Don't do this.
- Get the f*ck out.

Okay.

Go.

I'm really sorry.

f*ck you, man.