01x04 - Waise Wale Bhai Behen

[bunniefuu]

Hi!

So, your dad and I are adopting,

not one kid but 200 kids.

They belong to a school for orphans,

a little outside koorg.

It's just perfect

for our family.

Now,

we'll visit bengaluru more often.

So, vasudha, dhruv, kavanya,

you're the first to be invited

for our first official day.

Alexa, play some carnatic music.

- Hi, febin. Good morning.

- 'Hi, ma'am. Good morning.'

febin,

can you please get us the client's specs

on the new fresh account,

please?

Phone

f*ck

Okay. So, as soon as you know,

just let me know

because I need to

close that out today.

Dhruv, please don't be late today

for Kay's parent-teacher meeting.

Okay. I'll see you there.

You like hiding here, don't you?

Is there anything I'm missing?

No, it looks pretty good. Okay.

Hi, selvi. - Hello.

Bye, selvi.

What a brother!

Vasu will not forget.

Hi, selvi.

- Good morning.

- Okay. Bye, selvi.

What kind of siblings they are!

'Welcome back.'

'this is rj swag, and today,

we're gonna celebrate a very special day.'

'and that is raksha bandhan.'

'so, if you wish to send'

- oh, sh*t!

- 'A special message to someone, '

'to your brother or sister, '

'or if you wish to dedicate'

you can charge me extra.

The guy I was supposed

to meet changed the venue.

Sir,

how do I drive and change the destination?

Oh, sh*t! This year too!

Yes, this year too.

Anyway,

we are not that kind of siblings.

Yes, we are best friends.

Akku,

I watched gayatri's video this morning.

So scary, man!

She's just playing mind games.

We'll deal with them

when they come.

Till then, let them just cruise

and stay out of our lives.

But what if they moved here?

I haven't told them about

my marital status yet.

Gayatri will go mad, man!

Obviously, that's gayatri.

Anyway,

Chuck it. Let's catch up in the evening.

We'll celebrate

rakhi in our style.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

Hi!

Hey! Max? - Hey, akhil.

- How are you?

- Good. Nice to meet you.

Nice to finally meet you.

I lost 30 minutes because

of the change in the location.

I'm sorry about this

last minute change

because I went

there a little early,

but I didn't get

the right vibe there.

Vibe!

Okay.

Akhil,

listen. Just like today's moving-therapy,

sessions at different locations.

It's all about movement.

That's the thing.

Anyway,

tell me what you

really want to talk about.

Yeah, so,

I'm the cto and co-founder of

this dating app called kechup.

Okay.

I have two profiles on the app.

One is real, my real self,

and the other one is

my packaged profile.

Because of my packaged profile,

my casual sex life is great.

But my real profile,

no girl swipes on it by

mistake or even in desperation.

I mean,

nobody likes the real me,

and I know that.

So,

let's just get down to business.

My parents are horrendous.

Well, off late, I have been

thinking about my childhood.

You see,

I was an overweight kid.

And I absolutely hated it.

On top of it,

my dad used to call me podgy.

Podgy.

Stomach in.

Why did he do that? - Dad!

He had started some businesses.

But they all failed

one after another.

So, he went full spiritual

and became a stay-at-home

guru and a part-time dad.

And so he feels

life is a mirage.

You know, illusion.

I guess he took the high

road to cope with his failures.

So,

his kids' problems were a joke to him.

So, your mother,

tell me about her.

Gayatri!

She is an overachiever,

workaholic

and she is quite proud of

being the breadwinner too.

You know she was

a marketing genius.

So, she doesn't accept

anything less than perfect.

She was all about performing.

But you know,

my mom and dad are two peas in a pod.

You know, like Laurel and Hardy,

Hitler and himmler,

Bonnie and Clyde, they are a g*ng.

And my sister,

who is my best friend,

tried her best to

get mom's approval.

But I rebelled.

But before you ask

me about my sister,

she is going through

a midlife crisis.

I jumped off a ledge.

Everyone thought I did it as I

was rejected from the football team.

But, no,

I was I was hopeless.

It was a suicide,

but no one called it that.

The survival was

more traumatic for me.

Then dad started taking me to

spiritual discourses every day

by assuring me that I needed it.

'Everything will be fine

when you become spiritual.'

Hey, doc.

Why is the guy

sitting at your 9 o'clock

staring at me like

this? It's weird.

He is my 11 am. - Oh!

It's 11 am.

Okay. I think that's

our first session done.

- Cool!

- So, you let me know about the next one.

You can make an online payment.

And just schedule the next one,

and let me know.

Sounds good.

- Have a nice day.

- Nice talking to you. Thanks.

Good morning.

And remember,

life keep moving.

How are we today?

Good morning, sir.

Just saying it doesn't

make my morning good.

Taking your medicines

that you had prescribed me.

But I don't know.

It's not working now.

Not only this on top of that,

my wife is after me

- Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Khattar.

- Hello.

This is kavanya's marksheet.

I think she is

consistently good.

But this is not at

par with her potential.

I think she is losing focus.

There is still

time for a 9 grade,

but I think,

with a little bit of heart and dedication,

she can do much better.

It's certainly not

something to laugh about

that your daughter

is losing focus.

Now,

I know where she gets it from.

No.

Of course,

sir. I'll speak to her.

Thank you.

- Hi! We are kavanya's parents.

- Hi!

Hi!

Kavanya is a good girl.

Of late, she's taking a

lot of interest in athletics,

which is a good thing.

You should be happy. - Yeah.

I wonder how that happened.

But athletics is good.

Absolutely.

In fact,

I encourage everyone to play sports.

It's a really

important thing to do.

You look like you've played

a lot of sports. But do you run,

do marathon running,

something like that?

No, I'd love to,

but I don't get time to do all that.

Time for sports

is time for yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah. - Hello, sir.

Yeah. - 6 pm again today?

I just wanted to confirm.

Yeah, 6 pm sharp.

I'll see you.

Alright. So, I was

Thank you.

Alright. So,

I've created a group for all the parents

to update them on the

marathon preparations.

If you want to give me your number,

I'll add you.

Sure. - So

Shall I

Alright. Okay. - Okay.

Vasu.

Vasu. Alright.

Thank you.

He seems nice. - Nice?

A doofus amongst idiots!

What do you mean?

Among the teachers here,

even he might stand out.

He was in his pyjamas.

Who does that in a school?

- Such a wannabe he is!

- I don't get your point.

The point is,

we were both standing there,

but he preferred talking to you,

not me.

Dhruv.

- I'm getting late.

- You weren't getting late there.

Now, you're getting late!

He's Kay's teacher, dhruv.

Oh, but assistants, teachers,

you don't

discriminate. I forgot.

That's what I wanted

to talk to you about.

I don't have time for this right now,

dhruv.

Just listen to me. - Okay. No.

I have to go.

I'm busy. I'm late.

Please. Bye. - Vasu.

Right.

Hi!

Okay. I'm here

Oh, made it.

Are you kidding me?

I rushed here

to wait for satvik!

f*ck! He's such

a pain in the a*s!

Oh! He's such a pain in the a*s!

Is he a man or a sour

burp after having junk food?

At least the burps

ease an upset stomach.

Is he a man

Please spare me.

He texted us saying,

"I'm on my way."

As you can see,

I have sent you the reports

of the financials of kechup

for the last 2-3 years.

Hmm. I'm just

checking your email.

Hey, akhil.

Come in. Have a seat. - Hey.

You know all about akhil,

of course.

That's janardhan chudasama,

jc for short.

Hey!

I'm akhil, for short as well.

I'd sent you an email.

So, this is jc.

Jc has been an investor

with ten years in the valley.

He just recently moved

back to be with his family.

Now, here is the thing.

He is looking to

invest in a start-up

and hopefully,

come on board as a ceo.

He thinks there is great

potential in the future of kechup.

So, I went through the deck.

Look, man, if I were you,

I would be stressed.

Trust me, I am stressed out.

Also, kechup has been in the top five

of all dating apps across regions, right?

But the big breakthrough

hasn't come yet.

Now, I see that as five years of

not reaching the number one spot.

Nice. - So,

I have used kechup

and the other apps.

Right now, it's two on five,

which is worrying.

Yes, we are working on the algo.

No,

you're right. It is very worrying.

Look, what I can do is,

I can send you

some possibilities

on algo rework.

Now, I had to beg this programmer,

Dennis, to consult on this.

Now,

his source codes are near perfect.

Unlike yours, that look like you

guys are still whiteboarding, man.

Yeah, algo is something

It's my thing.

See, right now,

we are on code review.

And once we get to coding bootcamp,

we'll fix this baby, right?

Glad.

So, how about just taking an opinion

from the best guy in the business?

- Yeah.

- What's the hold up? Right?

Yeah, of course.

Look,

plan b, guys,

is everything in life.

In my life,

everything has worked out on plan b.

Thank god,

my marriage wasn't one of them.

Happy rakhi, guys!

Seriously, today is so 'rocky'!

I went broke. Do you

want to know how?

Look, I have two sisters,

nine cousins and

thirteen foster sisters,

out of which one is divorced.

As she is divorced,

I had to give her some extra money.

Ended up spending rs 200,000.

Did you guys come here early?

Did your siblings throw you out?

You asked us to be here at

9:45 am for a client meeting.

Oh, sh*t!

Didn't I tell you that the call

was rescheduled to 2 pm?

As it is,

you don't need to attend the call.

I'll handle it.

What?

You could have texted me.

We've all been waiting here

like idiots for the last two hours!

Why are you turning into

an angry Indian goddess?

Today is rakhi.

Just like you're staying

with your brother,

I have to take care

of my sisters too.

By the way,

you want to be my sister?

Sorry, no vacancy.

Next year. Contact next year.

Satvik. - Yes.

Do you know what's so funny

about your pathetic jokes?

What? - It's not the jokes,

it's you.

The joke is on you.

You're the joke.

Knock,

knock! Who's there? Satvik.

Satvik, who?

Not-at-all-funny satvik,

that's who!

What's wrong with

this crazy lady?

Is she suffering from a

multiple personality disorder?

- There.

That again not funny.

You sent a text to our office

group at 11 pm saying, 'urgent!'

'my son has pooped

and is playing in it.'

seriously?

Why would we be interested to

know that your son has learned to say,

'thank you, pappa.'

I wish he learnt to say,

'shut the f*ck up, pappa!'

sir,

how could she talk like this

And you, 'definitely devang!'

you're the office's biggest

a*s-licking yes-man, right?

You know what? I quit this sh*t.

I am done. I am getting

the hell out of here.

Now,

you can do whatever you want.

One more thing. If you ever

call any woman helpless,

I'll make your comment go viral.

After that,

you will be trolled so hard on social media

that it will be hard for you

to step out of your house.

Idiot!

That's gonna happen, definitely.

Satvik sir!

Are you a man or a broom?

But you know what,

guys? Even a broom is useful.

I quit, too.

It's my company. How can I quit?

Vasu, wait.

I quit,

too. I'm coming with you.

What? - Yeah.

Fatty.

I am not sure about my future.

I was just sick of it all.

So I quit in a fit of rage.

It was so cool,

babe. You were amazing.

And I don't need

this f*cking job.

We've suffered a lot

here. We'll manage.

Let's go.

So,

what do you think about our office?

About that

Well, let's change the vibe

of this teenagers' playroom.

Yeah.

See you, man. At least,

they should have had a PlayStation.

Thanks, jc.

Teenagers' playroom!

What is this, mr zip-zap-zoom?

Did you hear what he said? Huh?

Starting with two people,

we've made it into a company

with a few hundred thousand users.

But if we want to aim

for million-plus users,

then we can't use the

same logic. Deal with it.

I have been telling you for months

that I'm stressed out about kechup.

This is not about you

and me and our feelings.

It's about this. It's

about the company.

But who is he? Elon

musk's nephew?

You see him in our company?

Plus, he'll invest on the

condition of becoming the ceo.

Come on,

panku. He is after your job, dude.

If that's what it takes to save kechup,

so be it.

Are you serious?

Thank you. - Welcome, sir.

Akhil! Are you following me?

No,

my office is just around the corner.

Ah - May I?

Well,

I'm so sorry about your fees.

Look,

if you weren't happy with

Here you go. - Thank you.

If you weren't happy

with the session,

you can tell me.

I can handle it.

No,

no. It was fine it was fine.

Actually, no.

I was confused

whether it was a therapy session

or having coffee with a friend.

Now that we are friends, but

I wasn't actually going to

text you for another session.

And I was going to make the

payment after two reminders.

Well, the thing is, akhil,

people expect us therapists to be perfect,

right?

Because they come to

us with their imperfections.

But sometimes, they can't accept

that we also have

those imperfections.

We've just figured out hacks

not to get affected by it, right?

And to manage these imperfections,

which is what you're doing,

is a very big step.

Because after all,

life is imperfect.

Strangely I feel better

after hearing this.

Listen, drop the payment.

I'll recommend a

senior therapist to you.

No, I can

Totally work with

a therapist like you

who makes mistakes and is human.

I mean, it's so damn comforting.

Yeah.

Listen, office is good,

effective and boring.

Great. So, you wanna schedule

me in next week for a session

- at your boring office?

- Yeah, sure.

Okay. Thanks.

Doc, see you soon. - Sure.

Ila!

Akhil! Hey!

Ready?

I thought there will be a nice

cafe around here somewhere.

You want to go trekking?

Don't worry. I'll carry

you if it comes to that.

- Yeah, but I hate exercise.

- I know.

You mentioned on your

profile that you hate exercise.

You know you're the first girl

who swiped right on that profile.

That profile? That means

you have other profiles too.

Yeah, long story.

Well, long trek as well.

Tell me about it. Walk and talk.

How high do we have to go?

40 minutes.

f*ck my life.

Not so fast.

Careful. - Thank you.

Shall I carry you?

No, I am sweaty.

Here, take my sweat.

That should break

the sweat between us.

f*ck. This is

not a typical date.

So, it's good, right?

I didn't want to do

anything typical.

Have an awkward

conversation on your first date.

Then talk on the

phone after going home.

After that,

go on your second date thinking

if you want the

third date or not.

Because if you make

it to the third date,

the expectations increase.

Then you'll wonder

whether to have sex or not.

I can't do so many calculations,

man.

Eventually, we're going to do it. So,

let's do it now.

What?

Have you ever met someone

and felt how special they were

on your first meeting?

Okay.

But I think you've

met such a person.

Yup.

Me. - Yup.

I think there is some

vibe between us.

Some vibe!

No, I don't think you're hot.

Nor am I imagining

you in my bed

No, there is no vibe.

And I'm not thinking of us

having sex in like ten minutes.

- So, did it open your chakra?

- So, did it open your chakra?

Yes, it did.

But then I did something stupid.

Anyway,

it opened the chakra, right?

Yes.

Did you come here to thank us?

No I mean, thank you, yes.

Guys, I really love enso.

And I know you're looking for a manager,

right?

Hmmm.

So, can I manage enso?

I mean,

I haven't done anything like this before.

But - Yes.

Yeah.

But instead of salary,

you have the option of sharing profit.

Yeah, I mean,

that's totally fine.

But I really feel I can really

make a difference here.

I mean, I love art. - You do.

I couldn't pursue

it seriously earlier.

But I think enso

really has potential.

We can market it.

I mean,

I haven't marketed anything before.

So, are you trying to

sell yourself for this job

or not sell yourself?

sh*t! I blew it, right?

No, not at all. It's endearing.

But you're on.

As it is,

we don't have too many candidates.

Really? - Yes.

Just like that? - Yes.

Yeah.

But let's make one thing clear.

It all depends on

the next two months.

Then we'll have the exhibition,

end of an era.

If that works, great.

And if it doesn't,

end of an era, end of enso.

Both might happen. - No, no

I can do it. I can save enso.

I mean, I think I can.

I don't know, but

So, I guess, welcome aboard.

That's great.

Oh, but I have an assistant

with me.

Fatty! - Fatty!

We love fatty. - We love fatty.

That's great.

Thank you. - Welcome.

Well, your kisses are not

as boring as your profile.

I become more boring

after taking my clothes off.

Let me.

Okay.

I'm ready for more.

Okay.

Oh, sh*t! Sorry, guys.

Who was it?

Krish. - Krish!

I thought you were living alone.

No, I live with my boyfriend,

Krish.

Boyfriend?

I have mentioned it on my profile,

right?

Open relationship.

It was my turn today. I

think Krish forgot about it.

We do this on different days

to avoid a situation like this.

I thought you wanted to

be in an open relationship.

No,

I am in an open relationship.

Is that a problem?

No, of course, not.

I really like you. Wait.

I do have a problem.

I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm really into you.

I'm really sorry.

You, me, him

I don't know. I thought I could do it,

but

On any other day, I would.

But I don't know

That guy and you and me

And - Akhil.

Ila.

I gotta go.

Akhil, your bag.

Oh, f*ck! - Oh, god!

Are you okay? - I gotta go.

But Krish left.

I well I

Poor selvi had high hopes from us,

sis.

That we'd have a typical

rakhi moment today.

But little did she know

- that we're anti-middle class rakhi!

- Correct.

We aren't that kind of siblings.

This is who we are!

Cheers. - Cheers.

Strange girl.

I am not sure about her.

Kay has left these

cookies for us.

Kay

She's such a good girl.

And she went to

bed on time today.

Sometimes, you know,

these things make you wonder!

Maybe I'm not such a bad mother,

dude!

No, ma'am!

Hi, grandma! How are you?

Perfect.

What are you doing?

Nothing. I was just

gonna start studying.

A messy desk makes a

messy mind. You know that.

You didn't update

me about your grades.

Oh, you and grandpa

were relaxing on the cruise.

So, I didn't wanna bother you.

What rubbish?

You know I hate relaxing.

Did you talk to your mom and

dad about your applications?

Mom will just confuse me.

Yes.

Vasudha is always so indecisive.

You know, I quit my job today.

You quit? - Yes.

And I also got a new job.

Got one too? - Yep.

Enso. - Enso!

New guy?

- No, it's the name of the gallery.

- f*ck!

But it's got a good vibe, man!

I have to manage that gallery.

Will I be able to manage it

or not? That is the question.

You shall and you will.

Are you at akhil's?

Mom and I are living

here now with akhil uncle.

You're living at akhil's!

Why?

Mom and dad are on a break.

I don't know what happened.

You can ask mom something.

Okay. I'll ask them.

Okay.

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

Akku.

If I get into trouble in life,

if life gives me lemons,

you will rescue me, right?

You need to save me

from a lifetime of humiliation.

Because it's gonna happen.

Now, tie the rakhi.

Come on tie it. - Video

Don't touch the cookies.

Very good oh, it's very good.

Rakhi - There you go.

Tie it. - Rakhi.

I am going to protect you

all your life - Yay!

I'll save you. - Yay!

Rakhi - Hold on. I'll tie it.

- Where is my rakhi?

- I'll tie a rakhi on your wrist.

Hang on.

In life, to have a best friend,

who's also a part

of your family,

is like winning the lottery.