Book of Solutions, The (2023)

[bunniefuu]

To Suzette Gondry

THE BOOK OF SOLUTIONS

You promised us this.

And you delivered this.

I thought Jacques would be the

first to cross the finish line.

By a long stretch.

The greenish sweat

dripping from his hat.

You don't like it?

No. It's grey and ugly.

You can't even recognize the actors.

This blurry thing is

costing us five million.

If there's a story in there,

I can't find it.

There is a story.

You'll get it. We need

to finish the fifth act.

We're shutting you down.

Jean-Patrick will take

over the editing,

in the hope of salvaging something.

Like our investment.

You can't do this.

Max, say something.

No.

You won't defend the film?

Why should I?

Nobody understands a thing

about this story, including me.

And you couldn't care less.

- Associates for fifteen years.

- Eight.

Eight, whatever.

You're a wimp And a manipulator.

Sorry, I need a smoke.

Plan B.

They didn't like the edit? No.

Or the actors? No.

- They didn't like the film.

- No.

They're shutting us down.

What did Max say?

He's on their side. He jumped ship...

Right, plan B. I'll call Silvia.

Start disconnecting the cables.

Unplug everything.

Silvia, plan B.

Yes, plan B. We'll finish

editing at Marc's aunt's.

Marc? Yeah?

The film is awesome, OK?

Who cares what a bunch of

alcoholics in ties think?

You're right.

- This is Gabrielle. She's helping us.

- Hi, Gabrielle.

Gather up those electric

wires under the desk.

Thanks.

Gabrielle...

The video girl...

The prettiest one on the set.

I'd never spoken to her.

Except to say "excuse me".

But I knew she would enter

my life and save me...

He's taken the film.

He doesn't smoke.

You have everything?

What about the monitors?

We need to go.

We'll buy more.

150 euros at the supermarket.

From now on, we follow

the "Marc Becker method".

Marc Becker.

Gabrielle, get in.

I have to stay in Paris.

But I'm sure the film's great.

They're the idiots...

Go! I'll distract them!

The Marc Becker method.

What a jerk.

Denise, you used to teach

delinquents in jail?

For inmates. Just one summer.

Marc talks about it a lot.

It fascinates him...

I know. He asked me tons

of questions as a child.

But for me, it was just

a training course.

I would say, "My darling Marc, I only

spent one month with the inmates."

But in his mind, it lasted years.

After a while, I got fed up and stopped

correcting him. Enough is enough.

What are you doing?

Huh? Nothing...

They're old raffle tickets.

No, you're throwing out your pills.

You can't just stop like that.

Denise, they're just chemicals

that turn my brain to mush.

Everyone takes advantage

and manipulates me...

And I'm still sad in

the morning. Anyway.

I understand that.

But you shouldn't just stop.

Put the packets on my tray, please.

- You need a prescription.

- Just put them here.

Thank you.

Pretend to talk to each other.

And look down,

like you were up in the sky.

Why don't you sing?

It'll look more natural.

That's how movies are made!

sh*t, another pretentious comment.

That's it. I'm done

Silvia! Don't go!

We're all plugged in.

Let's watch the film.

I have to finish this scene.

I'm missing half the dialogue.

It won't match up.

You're using a camcorder.

This is a country house.

It's a very important scene.

- Silvia, get back on the cloud.

- No, let's watch.

Wait. Don't be silly. Let go!

You really want to watch?

It's four hours and

seven minutes long.

Why is the mayor here?

It makes my aunt happy.

Your fingers smell like tobacco.

Martine!

Why don't you answer?

Excuse me.

I have to...

Marc!

You could say it all

began with a hole in a leaf.

Denise!

Denise!

You see this little hole in the leaf?

- No.

- Look, here.

Bring it up to your eye. Go on.

- Try to look through it.

- I see you.

Now, take away the leaf.

Put it back.

See a difference?

Yes, I do. It's clearer.

Exactly! A hole in a

leaf is like a monocle.

If one day,

you're lost in the forest,

grab two leaves and make glasses!

The ground is covered in eyeglasses.

Marc, you always have such wild ideas.

- I'll keep it.

- No need.

They're everywhere!

Let me get a look at you.

How do you feel today?

Like yesterday.

Sad in the morning,

manipulated in the afternoon.

Martine!

LEARN TO DRIVE

I'm sorry.

Sorry, I walked out of the screening.

I was worried Denise

would catch a cold.

I feel like she's getting

old faster than usual...

What's your point?

That's why you ran out?

Did I tell you she taught in jails?

You're kidding!

Already told you?

Yeah, at least a million times.

OK, I forgot I told you. Sorry.

You can't be mad.

because I worry about my aunt.

You don't worry about the film.

That worries me...

But I do worry about the film.

In fact, I have a great idea.

You're going to do the editing again,

starting from the end.

So, you begin here.

And you keep going backward,

until you finish the edit

with the opening scene.

No one does that!

I need to know what came before.

No, each scene is a flashback.

And a flashback of a flashback.

And a flashback of a

flashback of a flashback...

- You're avoiding watching the film.

- I am not!

Editing always starts

at the beginning.

You see the beginning a lot.

But you only see the end...

At the end.

Please.

Trust me. Give it a try...

I'll love you for the rest of my life.

That's a lousy reward.

Forget the reward.

Please, just do as I ask.

Everything's plugged in.

Thanks, Carlos.

- Are you sh1tting me?

- What?

Carlos overheard my

declaration of love?

You didn't ask to bring him

I don't want him on this film.

He sucks, and he coughs all day long!

I choose who I work with. Got it?

Carlos has been my

assistant for years.

Apologize to him,

or I'll go back to Paris.

Now!

Carlos. I'm sorry.

We're all a bit edgy.

- You, me...

- Mostly you.

Mostly me.

"Don't take it personally?

You just said you don't

want me on the film.

Nope, this won't work. He's coughing.

Wait, he has allergies.

You have to fire him.

He's coughing again.

I promise you won't hear him again.

I'll stick cotton down his throat...

Sit down and watch.

You just have to get started.

I'll edit it backward, like you asked.

You have to start a project

like you start a car in winter.

Pretty good, huh?

You just have to get started.

Start... your project.

Start your project.

Start.

The book of solutions.

- The Book of Solutions!

- What?

Mark, what's the Book of Solutions?

Come back right now! Marc!

What is the Book of Solutions?

Solutions...

THE BOOK OF SOLUTIONS

It was supposed to provide

answers to any conflict.

Domestic,

or international.

My masterpiece.

I had stopped after the title.

Start your project.

Do whatever you want.

Failure is a series

of solutions peppered with problems.

Success

is a series of problems

peppered with solutions.

Damn!

Scotch tape!

I always yelled when I lost a toy

so my mom would help me find it.

It stopped working,

but the habit stuck.

Scotch tape!

Did you look in the paper room?

- Where?

- The paper room.

But I got it to work on Silvia.

Start your project

before doubts creep in.

I had to put that in the book.

But it was far away.

If I went to get it,

I'd be too lazy to come back

and I'd abandon this project.

MAX THE FOX

Charlotte?

It's me, Marc.

Did I wake you?

- I have to talk to you.

- Can't we talk tomorrow?

Yes, but unfortunately, no.

I have this idea.

I may forget it by tomorrow.

Write it in your book.

It's not a book of ideas.

It's a book of solutions.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

- What?

- This.

The film will be a perfect palindrome.

It starts at the end.

And it ends at the end.

And the two parts are

joined at the beginning.

And get this.

In the middle,

there will be an intermission

with a 5-minute cartoon called

"Max the Fox Opens his Hair Salon."

The background will be white,

so that people can go to the bathroom,

come back and find their

seats in the dark.

It's never been done before.

Maybe it's never been done

because it's not a good idea.

An idea is something

never seen before.

Maybe it's a good idea.

I'll remind you tomorrow.

OK.

- Can I sleep now?

- You bet...

- Bye.

- Goodnight.

Sleep well.

- You're not asleep?

- I heard something.

I thought Denise had

fallen down the stairs.

No, that was me.

We have to find a sound studio.

Close and cheap. It's urgent.

To record what?

The film score.

Shouldn't you watch it first?

- Well...

- There's no studio here.

We're in a country village.

There's nothing here.

In all villages,

there's a guy making a record.

It'll never come out,

but he has a studio.

We just have to find it.

Please? It's important.

We'll do it tomorrow, OK?

OK.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

Waiting for tomorrow.

Alright...

I'll do it.

Yeah?

I just love

turning on my computer

at 2 am for Marc.

Thank you.

- My pleasure.

- Try this.

- "Studio".

- I've done searches before, you know.

- "Sound."

- "Recording."

"Studio", "sound", and "Cevennes".

I couldn't scream in front of Denise.

Because of the iron-clad respect

I should have had for the entire crew.

That's insane.

I swear just I looked there,

Denise, that's just...

I spoke to Charlotte earlier.

She's going to stay at a hotel.

- Because I woke her?

- No.

- That's not why...

- She can take Carlos' room.

It's huge. They can swap.

She spends the whole day working here.

At night, she needs

a change of scenery.

You can understand that.

No, I can't.

Why be the director if

you're not the boss?

I don't know.

We'll find Charlotte a great hotel.

I had to congratulate myself for

my generosity toward Charlotte.

The less I understand her,

the more I need to.

That sounds pretty good.

Since I stopped my meds.

My brain was an endless

stream of innovative ideas,

For instance, I decided never to

pass third gear on mountain roads.

I'd stay in second gear.

There are no accidents in second gear.

Quick, let's write that down!

The Second Gear rule

will save millions of lives.

Hello.

Is this for the studio?

I bet he was screwing his wife.

Yes, the studio.

Was that a good sign?

- Is this the place?

- Yes.

OK.

Before hiring someone,

look at all the signs.

Especially those unrelated

to the required skills.

That sentence definitely belonged

in The Book of Solutions.

This used to be a gym.

My studio is here.

The little door to the left.

Here? Yes, go right ahead.

That's me singing.

Drums, guitar... all me.

Silvia would get an earful from me.

I was sure she picked the worst

studio just to prove she was right.

I have another song to play for you.

That's not you.

No, it's a Polish group.

- You recorded this?

- Yes.

Here, in the studio.

This is good.

I care about the vocal recording.

This is very good.

Are you available next month?

Which day?

Every day.

That little Yiddish melody

was bright and touching.

First-rate engineer work.

Talent is everywhere, including

the most unexpected places.

Silvia was right.

I felt guilty for badmouthing her.

FOR SALE

Silvia, how much is left

in my bank account?

One sec.

Thanks.

We're rich.

We're rich.

Me, that is.

Sorry about that.

You need anything?

- If you do...

- That's my business.

This is very awkward. Stop it...

Sorry.

I didn't mean it. I got carried away.

In any case.

We're going into real estate!

You'll see, it's very sunny.

Keep an open mind.

Mine's wide open, Marc.

It's a pile of rubble.

Careful.

Think of it as a blank page.

You can do anything with it.

He can't be serious.

Honestly, Marc...

I live 300 meters away.

I live alone and I have seven bedrooms.

Yes, I know, Denise. Wait...

First reason:

from now on, I'll sh**t and

edit all of my films here.

Your place won't be big enough

to house the crew and cast.

Second reason:

if I tell you, you'll just dismiss it.

Anyway, that's why

buying this house is a very good idea.

No!

Yes!

Marc?

Want a lift to the real estate agency?

Thanks, but no thanks.

I'll take Denise's car.

I'd like to talk to you.

I knew it. You want to talk

me out of buying the house.

You and Denise talked

about her boiler.

Come on.

I'll drop you off.

I'm warning you.

If you say "house ","buy"

"don't", "money"

- or "ruins", I'll get out.

- I won't.

Listen, Marc.

The people here love you.

You mean a lot to them.

Because I did an ad

with George Clooney.

You're well-known,

but you've never forgotten us.

I'm well-known by those

You know my wife is very sick.

She's going to need me.

I'll have to resign as mayor

before the end of my term.

I'm terribly sorry

about Marie-Therese.

But you've always been the mayor.

You can't just suddenly...

let the village down,

leave it in the hands of

scumbags like Gradin!

Of course not...

That's where you come in.

Where I come in? Obviously.

It's not so hard being mayor.

It's easier than making movies.

Something always needs sorting.

Small things that matter to people.

What counts is being close to them.

And you know how to create that bond.

Learn by doing.

That's Chapter Two of

the Book of Solutions.

1. Start your project.

2. Learn by doing.

With this method,

you can undertake any project

even if you have no idea

how to carry it off.

I'll never be able to

sleep in that house.

No one could... You didn't

buy it for me, right?

Tell me you didn't.

I think you should move

here. In the area.

Why?

You have no apartment in

Paris. No boyfriend...

Here, you can start from scratch.

Why am I participating

in this conversation?

Hey, Denise.

I made eggplant gratin.

Interested?

- Totally.

- Thanks

I have one thing to finish.

Your film looks really good.

You should watch it more often.

The food's ready.

Be right there.

Marc, come here.

I don't want you lying

on Charlotte's bed.

She doesn't live here.

It's still her bed.

OK, Denise.

Every night, we went to the pub.

Are you OK?

Why don't you cough outside? Stop it.

Or on the cheese?

Have some water.

It's Max.

Hello?

- Are you nuts?

- No Max.

Why is he calling? What does he want?

I didn't have time to find out.

Thanks, Denise.

- The 12 is waterproof.

- Shut up!

Great, it's waterproof.

And Max is a traitor.

He's on the studio's side.

He wanted to be a suit.

Now, he's a suit.

- What's up with the orchestra?

- What orchestra?

The orchestra I mentioned in the car.

I hate it when you

pretend I didn't tell you things

I told you.

You always think you told

me but it's in your head.

Could be.

OK, pass the computer.

Under the pile.

It's not here.

There! Is this a trick?

I meant, under here.

Oh, that pile.

I won't find an orchestra

around here. There isn't one.

Look outside.

No orchestra, just trees.

There were trees when you

found that great studio.

One compliment is all it took.

Ten minutes later,

Silvia had booked an orchestra

for a day at the Cevennes Studio.

That's unfair. She'd have found

it without the compliment.

Who's writing the music?

- Me.

- What?

You compose and the

orchestra plays it?

Or a second, I was discouraged.

But I thought back to my second symbol.

Learning by doing.

I found melodies and a solution for

conducting the orchestra. Definitely.

Yes, I'll compose the music

and ask Sting

to play bass with the orchestra.

What?

- You can't be serious!

- What?

- I knew you'd make fun of me.

- Let me check...

Very funny. I won't

share my ideas with you.

Would you rather I tell the truth

or let you go off the rails?

Off the rails.

I made some... noodles.

Where are you going?

I cooked noodles to give you energy.

Sorry... No thanks.

I'm done for the day...

I want to eat at the hotel.

The day isn't over.

Need Sting's DVD by the morning.

Enough of this Sting garbage.

Get real!

You don't know what it means

for us to have him on board.

It means nothing until you sit

in front of your 4-hour film...

You know nothing about

music except for hip-hop.

How dare you judge my musical tastes?

Is that what you're doing?

Don't shout.

- Denise is asleep.

- I know my aunt.

She takes out her hearing

A*DS. She can't hear!

You could play her a trumpet solo.

So, stop it. I hired you two to work

on the year's biggest French film.

You can't work over time?

Is that the deal?

Marc, calm down.

Swear I didn't throw the noodles.

They pushed me to leave...

Hold on. The noodles pushed you

the phone dove into the sink.

Honestly.

Apologize to Charlotte and Carlos.

They are your team.

You'll lose their respect.

Fine. I'll apologize for the phone.

But I didn't throw the plates.

Can't remember exactly what happened.

Why can't I remember?

That's normal.

I told you not to stop taking

those pills just like that.

It'll be OK.

You're doing fine.

I'm doing fine.

I have more ideas than before.

Yes, maybe... But you

still need to apologize.

I had become an apology factory.

Charlotte, I just wanted to apologize

and ask you to forgive me.

For?

You're the laziest,

most selfish editor I know

who won't even work

two hours over time

for a musical genius!

Oh well. Now, I have to

apologize for my apology.

I'll agree to see your contraption

if you apologize for

the past two days.

The "edit truck" is my apology.

I made it just for you...

A truck is worth a thousand words.

Not another stupid joke.

I want a verbal apology.

I apologize. For the noodles

and the door.

And the phone. The train when I was.

Enough. Just the past two days.

Let's go.

Welcome

to your "edit truck".

This screen plays your main edit.

Through the windshield,

two more screens

play the rushes.

Come closer.

Hit this blinker to "play".

And the left blinker to "pause".

To "fast-forward"

you turn the wheel to the

right. Give it a try...

You got it.

If you turn to the left.

You "rewind".

And "cut"? Just honk.

The producers go in the back.

- They can't see a thing.

- That's the idea...

The reverse command for

the rushes is stuck.

The reverse won't work.

Who are you talking to?

No one.

- Reverse?

- What the hell, Carlos?

Go back to the editing room.

Carlos works for the film,

not for you!

Charlotte!

- Charlotte...

- That deck is mine. I want it back.

Charlotte, wait!

Why are you doing all this for me?

You bought me a hotel,

spent three days making

me a soap holder,

gave me a Diana Ross DVD.

And now, an editing truck.

What are you trying to tell me?

Jeff Bridges.

You look like Jeff Bridges.

We saw Max on TV, promoting the film.

He's taking all the credit.

That moron is not

involved in this film!

I'll sort him out.

I will never work Envoyer

with Max Laporte again.

His incompetence,

and dishonesty

have prompted my decision.

Gabrielle...

Her face is weird,

with that scar...

But I like her.

The editing truck on the road.

To the barn.

We agreed to stay in second gear.

We'll be late.

Remind me.

How do you plan to record

with 50 musicians and no score?

And we're wasting a day of editing.

I know! You'll use

your ghetto blaster!

Symbol # 3:

Don't listen to others.

Please!

Hello.

We're ready.

Good. You have the score?

Yes, in here.

I knew it.

He looked and sounded pompous.

This guy was

the main obstacle to my

project. He had to go.

Don't listen to others.

Sorry to interrupt you...

What's your name?

- Hector.

- Good.

Victor, sometimes in life

one has to be willing

to work differently

for the good of the project, right?

Differently?

Without you.

- No way.

- Yes.

My role is to direct the orchestra.

Yes, but I'm going to

take over your role.

It'll be fine, you'll see.

Don't touch the baton

You don't touch it.

- I need it for the project.

- Let go.

- Let go.

- Wait, Victor.

- It's my orchestra.

- But my project.

You'll break it.

That would be a shame.

Let's put it away over here.

End the session at 6 pm on the dot!

The worst was over.

Now, my next step

was to convince these

people I wasn't a lunatic

reassuring them and

pretending to be organized.

Dear Orchestra,

we have a lot to accomplish today.

The movie's entire score.

The day will be split in two parts.

In the, morning, we'll record melodies

that reflect the characters' feelings.

In the afternoon, we'll work on

the abstract music

for the action scenes

I will sing a melody.

And the first instrument

that reproduces it

as accurately as possible

will become the lead.

Then, everyone else

will try to follow.

Got it?

Great. Be right back.

They finally understood

something unique was happening.

I had created music from silence.

Note to self: remain humble after

this transformative experience.

It seems to be going well.

I'm going to pop into town.

No, stay.

Watch.

Not bad.

Now for the second part.

Abstract music to create suspense.

You interpret my body movements.

It's super simple.

High-pitched.

Low-pitched.

Loud.

Silence.

Let's do it.

By tackling the fundamental

principles of creativity,

I was sinking into the

darkness of incomprehension.

That was the price to pay.

Only my inspiration would

bring me into the light.

I could only rely on myself.

Marc, I did as you asked...

I re-edited starting from the end.

Great.

I've thought it over. I'll watch

when it's completely done.

There's only one first time.

I don't want to waste it.

Stop with this crap!

You and your systems!

You'll f*ck it all up.

Each step is a system.

You invent and implement.

It requires different work techniques.

Sure. Like the "edit truck"?

Or the aircraft carrier?

- Which one?

- The soap carrier.

It's the same.

Exactly.

MAX THE FOX

OPENS A HAIR SALON

MAX LEAVES HIS HOUSE

HE GETS HIT BY A CAR

HE USES HIS EARS LIKE SCISSORS

HAIR SALON

AND CUTS A HAIR SALON

INTO THE BACKDROP

NO ONE COMES

He's making a documentary on an ant.

That's all he's done for two days.

Just one ant? Always the same one?

To go to the toilet,

he puts a glass over it,

so it can't escape.

He doesn't sleep.

He asked Carlos to do the editing.

Fantastic.

We're out of ideas.

Sorry to bother you with this, Denise.

This film isn't your problem.

But you're the only one

he still listens to...

Of course his film is my problem.

Marc will become himself again.

You have to be patient and

help him find his way.

We are patient.

But we aren't making progress...

The producers can confiscate the film.

Denise, isn't your birthday soon?

Yes, Denise...

It's your birthday, right?

Maybe we could throw a little party.

With a screening of the film.

For example. Great idea.

Just a small party.

A few friends and some blinis.

He'll watch the film with you.

Sure, let's give it a try.

Wednesday is Denise's

birthday. She'll be 75...

She asked for a screening

of the film. Just for us.

But we'll surprise her.

I'll invite the whole

village just for her.

Silvia, order the most powerful

4K projector you can find.

And we need chairs. Chairs are

essential for the party to succeed.

And blinis, no?

Yes, blinis. Every detail...

has to be perfect for Denise.

I'm not sure she'll live long

enough to see the finished film.

This is important.

DRINKS

CAKES

MR. MAYOR

Carlos, if you can't make this work

in the next 5 minutes,

we'll throw you in the river.

Not the one next door.

The really big one, far away.

There we go.

Press here to stop and start.

Thanks, Carlos.

Dear Village,

thank you all for coming.

You're about to see the

first part of my new film.

"Chacun, tout le monde".

That's the title.

But more importantly, this evening,

we are gathered to celebrate

the 75th year on Earth of

the person I love most in the world

Denise.

A big hug for a big love.

Enjoy the film.

Hey, he's filming the audience.

What the hell are you doing?

Watch the film!

- This is where it's at.

- No, it's not.

Stop it! You're messing

up my white balance.

Take the paper off the windows,

buy a new dress and pay

attention to your customers.

Everyone's asleep.

Antony the butcher. He works hard.

Chopping, carving, grinding...

Of course he's tired.

Emile, the baker.

He has to be at work in three hours.

He isn't even home yet.

Isabel, the school teacher.

All day long,

she puts up with angry kids.

Josiane, the home hairdresser.

She drives many kilometres

for a few gray hairs.

They're all exhausted.

Thank you for my birthday.

You don't know how

much it meant to me.

Denise, I know you stay alive

to protect me or for the film.

But if you need to go, then go. There.

I promise, I'll screen the

second half inside your coffin.

But I don't want to die!

- Not all old ladies want to die.

- No, I know. Sort of...

That came out wrong.

Very wrong.

You worry about me.

But we see you suffering.

Without your A*DS, you can't hear.

But we hear you moaning.

Old ladies have aches and pains.

Denise's doctor warned

us her heart was tired...

It could stop at any time.

I had to be able to

drive to the hospital

in under 20 minutes.

Obviously, I'd break

my second-gear rule.

But I had to keep Denise

alive as long as possible

27 minutes and 30 seconds. Too long.

She grew up before the postwar boom.

People bought out of need, not desire.

She didn't buy useless plastic

objects except for a flyswatter.

Within her way of life.

was the key to climate stabilization

I had to learn everything

so I could hand it down.

No, I understand.

Yes, Doctor. So,

the anesthesia is the problem?

30%?

Excuse me, Doctor.

I'm going to get her.

Can you tell her exactly

what you just told me?

OK? Great.

I'll be right back.

Denise, you're here...

The doctor wants to talk to you.

What does he want?

He just wants to explain...

It's important.

Hello?

Dr. Zegevan? How are you?

Yes, I'm doing just fine.

What?

What did he tell you?

Not at all. I feel perfectly fine!

Absolutely not.

If I break my heels again,

I'll call you right away.

Enjoy your evening. Bye.

No, Denise!

Mind your own business.

You said your priority was to

protect me.

You said it.

- Isn't that true?

- Yes, it is.

Fine. And my priority

is to protect you.

If someone wants to hurt you,

I'll jump at their neck like a

rabid dog and tear them to pieces.

I know that.

What if that someone is you?

Dial the number again.

Denise was hospitalized the next day.

According to the tests no

anesthesia was required.

The problem was clogged

veins near the intestines.

She came home one evening, pain-free.

She wore a blue jacket.

and looked like a race car driver.

She looked pretty.

On to new adventures!

DENISE BECKER'S 10 CLIMATE RECIPES

Today we're going to

make eggplant gratin.

When vegetables travel

they lose their taste.

These were picked

this morning from the garden

of our dear mayor.

Don't handle them too much.

Four garlic cloves.

Always count in fours no

matter how many you are.

Olive oil from Super U,

four full tablespoons.

And the oven.

Always preheat your oven.

Preheat first, peel next.

You'll be in sync!

Denise, can we help you?

No, he's a grumpy old man who

takes his time. I know him well.

There we go!

Cut.

What's actually wrong with your lungs?

Maybe you should see a doctor.

- Next time you f*ck up a take...

- He's in the kitchen.

...there's something going on.

Let's go.

- Marc, come with me.

- I have to...

Go on, it's important.

In the meantime,

I'll peel the eggplant.

One sec.

Take those off.

Carlos, you are the

shittiest assistant

in the history of shitty assistants.

Especially for sound takes.

I hope you know this.

We go from pity to submission.

What? He means "confusion".

No, submission.

Because we feel pity,

we don't dare say "no".

And we always obey Jacques.

Marc, I can't edit this scene.

Three characters are talking

but we only see two.

I'm missing a shot.

I had convinced Charlotte.

We didn't need to film that shot.

When you find it, come get me.

Dear Gabrielle,

I was wondering if you could come

watch the edit instead of me.

For reasons buried

deep in my childhood,

I'm having a mental block.

Silvia, any news?

It's me, Marc.

- Any news from Sting's office?

- No.

How long can it possibly take?

You really expect them to answer?

Yes, maybe. You don't know.

When's the meeting with

the supermarket CEO?

Why do you want to meet him?

Because I want to meet him!

I refuse to justify myself whenever

I ask you to do something.

But I'll do it this once,

if it motivates you to do your job.

I want

to complain to the CEO

about the security guy.

He follows me like I'm a shoplifter.

When he finds out...

The CEO, not the security guy...

who I am, he'll be

embarrassed and feel obliged

to sell Denise's climate recipe DVDs.

No notes?

Please, this is very important.

And cross out things after

you do them, not before.

I've fallen into that trap.

How is any of this

connected to the film?

It's not connected to the film.

The connection

is the myriad of ideas

and experiences,

that appear to be all over the place,

but may actually be

part of a bigger plan

and converge to bring the

movie to the next level...

That's it.

Can you please have

your ideas after 9 am?

I'm wiped out.

So am I. You think I

like waking you up?

Hands off!

Here. No emails. Happy?

Silvia was upset.

My big speeches didn't

move her anymore.

"From Studio Prod.

"Dear Marc, Sting is

available July 13 or 17

"at Studio Production Music,

Dolphin Road, London.

"Can you please confirm these dates?

Best regards, Mary."

You all laughed when I said

Sting would do the music...

Well, it looks like I was right.

And you were...

- Wrong.

- Exactly! Thank you.

You're following.

- I'm going to the hotel.

- Don't move.

I'm warning you, Max can't find

out about this or he'll ruin it.

- Sure.

- Yes, sure.

I promised Gordon we'd

pay whatever he asked.

Who's Gordon?

Gordon is... Sting...

Of course, you wouldn't know.

If Max hears, he'll

panic and blow the deal

Max just wants you

to finish this film.

No, Max just wants

to destroy the film.

He'll never get to see it.

He won't even be allowed to buy

a ticket to see it in a theater.

How will you pay Gordon?

Don't call him Gordon.

He's Sting to you.

Gordon is for...

I'll do the deal with Gordon myself.

Maybe he won't make us pay.

His home in France is

the size of a city.

Maybe he doesn't want to look cheap.

Gordon. Sting.

I was right... He didn't charge us.

Sting was a major victory.

From then on,

they saw me differently.

I was captain of the ship again.

Sting's assistant emailed us.

She suggests booking the recording

July 23.

Perfect.

- Book two tickets to London.

- With Gabrielle?

No. What? How do you know?

She's my roomie. I told

you but you never listen.

- What else did she say?

- About you?

Nothing. She just mentioned

Sting and London.

You pushed this Sting project

to impress her...

That's not the only reason.

That's not my style.

You're not the only guy who

likes her despite her scar.

They all fall for her.

Book the tickets.

She was jealous. It was obvious.

- What am I making?

- Dunno.

A chair.

A man isn't a man

until he has built a chair.

See you later.

My hands are swimming pools.

I hope he goes for the hug.

Hugs are for Americans.

Really?

Thanks.

You could work in a

bathroom as a hand dryer.

Sorry, I don't know why I said that.

- I hate bathroom jokes.

- I love them.

But that wasn't a bathroom joke.

It was a joke in the bathroom.

It's a new genre.

Slightly different.

He's coming. I can feel it.

I bet it's you.

Bingo, right. How did you know?

Intuition.

Well, thank you...

For accepting.

I'm so happy about this.

Sorry, this is Gabrielle.

She followed me.

My pleasure.

I work as a hand dryer in bathrooms.

It's only a temporary job.

Thanks again.

Yes.

It's not exactly a hard drive.

Excuse me. Please.

Thank you.

You're OK?

Fine, you too? Yeah, sorry.

Here, try the higher note.

I think it'll work.

That's better.

I like it.

Some victories are so spectacular

they don't need a voice-over.

After my victory,

the conquest of Gabrielle

would be a piece of cake.

The bed's amazing. But you'll

have to take my word for it.

But love isn't a battle.

That phrase goes right into the trash

not in the Book.

Gabrielle?

What?

Did you get my first email?

About the "edit truck"?

Yeah, it was funny.

But you didn't answer.

I didn't know what you expected of me.

- Why did you change your mind?

- Well...

I talked to Silvia, who told me

to stay away from you.

- She said that?

- Yes.

But each guy she introduced

me to was a disaster.

So I figured her reaction

was a good sign...

You did?

But in the car, when you

mentioned the Marc Becker method,

I thought you were kind of...

an as*h*le.

This as*h*le got Sting

to be in his film!

We all died practically

at the same time.

I thought Jacques would arrive first.

Max is coming to see

the film next week.

He can't see it first.

It's in my contract.

- I have the final cut.

- At some point, he'll have to see it.

We're way past the deadline

for a first screening.

He's not seeing it and

he's not coming here!

I don't want outside points of view.

That's why we're here.

I'll watch the edit when it's

done. I already said so.

Max is a crook. A small-time gangster.

He owes me half my salary.

I need a lawyer.

- Silvia, find me one, fast!

- Stop it.

He's a businessman.

Silvia, my knees are

bloody from asking you,

begging you to do your job!

Nicole. You know,

the real estate agent.

She's also a lawyer.

- She does both?

- Yes. She's very good.

People call her House of Velvet

when she works in real estate.

And Concrete Jaw

when she's a lawyer.

Concrete Jaw?

I don't know why, but I don't

like Denise badmouthing Max.

Just then, felt like she

was manipulating me.

Don't worry, honey. If your "Mr. Max"

won't pay and tries to see your film

in violation of your contract

we'll bring him down.

After repeating this

sentence at least 50 times,

I finally realized what it meant.

We were going to k*ll him.

Even today, I can't believe

I was OK with this.

Although, if I total

up all of his actions,

Max is truly a monster.

When his daughter was six,

she drew him a rabbit at the office.

When she left, he tore up the drawing

and threw it out.

No one keeps every

doodle their kids draw...

Doodles?

It was a rabbit for her daddy.

Carlos?

It's your turn to go after him.

In this moment,

I saw my tears as the expression

of a noble, broken soul.

People would see my charisma

covered up profound scars.

I now realize how ridiculous I looked.

I bite my cheeks when

I think about it.

I'm going to Paris.

What about Max?

- Did you k*ll him?

- No.

He'll k*ll me.

I'll end up under a bridge. Or inside.

Weird things go down in the South.

It's a good thing you didn't come.

Maybe we should get married.

I have a boyfriend.

That's a really pathetic excuse.

I wish he were dead.

Fine.

Wait! Not dead.

Just small. Very small.

Like Danny De Vito.

He's normal-sized. Like you.

But his brain is normal.

You should meet him.

Sure. Then, I'll have

zero chance with you.

I hate when a girl I like wants

me to meet her boyfriend.

When do you leave?

Tomorrow.

I see.

When are you back?

I'm spending the winter with Denise.

The whole winter?

That's a long time.

It's very long and very cold.

But we bought tons of wood.

So don't worry!

MISTRUST - TRUS- We've reached new heights.

- Welcome to paranoia.

- Gabrielle's in the "mistrust" zone.

- Wait... So am I!

I have no life because of him,

and he put me in the mistrust zone?

They were obviously talking about me,

and how lucky they were to know me.

Despite the inherent disadvantages.

I was so happy to see them again.

At last, I felt they understood me.

Want to see my foolproof method

for making the perfect film?

- Yeah.

- Come.

Follow me.

Obviously, this is top secret.

In here.

Come on in.

Hold on...

Did you start a new film?

No, I'm just preparing the future.

Getting ready.

Besides, we'll finish

the other film someday.

I feel almost ready to watch it.

Let me explain.

My idea is to copy each shot

of my new film from my favorite

film since I was eight, Force X.

For example, when Rachel

is arrested by the police.

In my film, Caliandre is stopped

by customs agents.

I'm over here.

For example, we can see Maya's endless

legs going through the window.

In mine, we'll see the hero's

arms go through the window.

And here...

The script, the entire script.

And then, when there's

a tiger in the cartoon,

for me it'll be

a reincarnation of its daddy.

The tiger.

And you'll produce it, Silvia.

I don't get it.

Isn't that what you want?

To do later on in life?

This is your chance.

You have to seize it.

You'll regret it forever.

Call my agent. Just call my agent.

You mean that?

I'm talking about serious stuff,

serious projects.

You shouldn't blow me off.

You really shouldn't.

I asked you to book a meeting

with the supermarket CEO.

You couldn't do it.

I asked you to buy three cellos.

You couldn't do that either.

It was your job, Silvia.

The supermarket is

part of a huge chain!

I asked you things.

You never do what I tell you.

I don't even know what

you're talking about!

Those belong to Denise!

What are you doing?

You treat me like an idiot

because I do things differently

I do things differently,

but I'm not an idiot.

So, for the last time,

I want an answer.

Do you or don't you want to

produce my film, Silvia?

Marc, you're scaring me!

You don't have the courage

of your ambitions!

You just don't have the courage.

So, Silvia left.

It was the worst day of my life.

Silvia left.

Of course she did.

Write her a letter, not an email.

Then leave her alone.

Maybe she'll come back.

More apologies.

I'm all out.

She never replied.

Charlotte?

How are you? Aren't you bored?

Not at all.

I'm thinking about Marc,

about all of you.

About the mayor and his sick wife.

About all my memories.

In fact, I'm very busy.

You're looking for Marc?

Yes, as usual.

He's at Town Hall.

He'll be there every morning

for quite some time.

He did it!

Now, he's the mayor.

Yes.

He always does what he says.

Even totally ridiculous things.

He saved my life.

I can't do it.

I just can't.

Thank you, Denise.

Bye, Denise. Thank you for everything.

- Drive safely.

- Thanks.

Life went on without Charlotte.

It was just Denise and me.

And that was enough...

Marc!

Get down now and come inside

I'm almost done.

No, come down right now.

One sec.

Come on.

Be right down.

I was almost done...

That branch needs to be cut down.

It drips onto the roof.

The wood is rotting.

We'll get a tree surgeon

to come on Wednesday.

I always told you.

not to climb trees in a storm.

Symbol # 4: Listen to others.

I had more time for my book.

I was reaching my goal.

The pages were filled

with pearls of wisdom.

Feeling confident,

I tackled political issues

that would surely upset a few people.

Maybe my pen was expl*sive.

The book of solutions.

- Hello, your Honor.

- Hi.

How are you?

Excuse us.

Thank you for coming.

And now, the scissors.

Am officially inaugurating.

HAIR SALON

Come in!

I'm coming back.

Excuse me.

DICTIONARY

Ever heard of "defamation"?

It's when people don't

like you anymore?

You're really not funny.

You ruined my career.

Now, show me the film.

I can't show it to you now.

Charlotte took the edit back to Paris.

Smartass.

as*h*le director!

f*ck!

ACCIDENT ON THE D252

He was hiding in your bed

with a woman's g*n that can

sh**t a hundred rounds?

The dictionary?

The stairs?

Marc...

It sounds ridiculous.

Totally ridiculous...

Especially the g*n.

But he was here.

You had an argument.

He left angry and had an accident.

It's not your fault.

But you must go to his funeral.

No, I want to stay here with you.

You don't need to

spend the winter here.

He'll go back to being mayor.

Return to Paris and finish your film.

You've already done so much for me.

I didn't do enough.

I just caused you trouble

with my frog ambitions.

Come here.

Before leaving,

I wanted to give Denise

the ultimate gift.

Her only son just turned 50,

and she clearly hadn't

been with anyone since.

She was the wife of

my father's brother.

So technically, it wasn't incest.

Denise, it's you.

Of course it is. You invited me.

I did.

Are you OK?

Yes.

Would you rather be alone?

Like all cowards,

I let the other person decide.

I can stay at Annie's.

She lives nearby.

Will you visit me?

Yes, of course.

Can I have a glass of water?

Sure.

I only visited her once.

For 20 minutes.

I didn't tell her I'd

gone back on my meds.

I was ashamed.

Gabrielle.

- And?

- The hose is too short.

Parker, who lost his body

in the earthquake, says,

"We should connect all the hoses

to make a big one."

But no one listened,

because they couldn't see him.

Why are you doing all this?

Do you pity me?

How does your boyfriend feel about

you coming here all the time?

I don't have a boyfriend.

Not anymore?

Elisa had also kissed my neck.

And it ended in tears.

Sorry, I was caught in a bad memory.

Wait...

Write a list of all the

people who are mad at you.

Right now?

Charlotte.

Silvia.

Denise.

Fred.

I'm calling because I

need to apologize to you.

And to everyone else. I have a list.

Where am I on that list?

You're the first. Pole position.

Sure. Nice lie.

Don't waste your

breath I forgive you...

The editing is almost done.

It's either great,

or it sucks. I can't tell.

But apparently, it works.

OK.

Do you want me to

stop by and watch it?

No, I've decided that's

not a good idea.

I don't think I'll ever get to

edit a film like this again.

You'll discover it at the premiere,

just like you wanted.

Fine.

You're so stubborn.

Are you OK?

sh*t.

Don't move, ma'am.

We're sending in a team.

No, not my scar!

It doesn't bother me.

It bothers me. Even the ear is better.

It feels kind of like gum.

- Will our sex life will be like this?

- Like what?

Yes, lots of nibbling.

All the time.

That works for me.

Her feet told me she loved me.

You know what love is?

What?

It's when you can kiss

outside of hello and goodbye time.

That's love.

Interesting.

Are you sure?

I did a test this week

and last I'm sure...

99% sure.

I didn't want to tell you

on the phone or by text.

Is it... mine?

Yes.

100% sure.

You may think this is

silly but I feel...

very proud to have such quality sperm.

- I have high-quality sperm.

- Marc!

- Excuse us.

- Don't get all weird.

It's embarrassing.

What do you want to do?

I don't want just this baby.

- You want several babies?

- No!

- I don't know.

- No, I...

I don't want a baby without you.

Even more than before, I want to

sleep with you every night

and wake up next to you.

And be myself.

I'm always myself around you.

I can say whatever I want.

Can stay in bed all day

long and never feel guilty.

I don't stay in bed. Well, kind of...

I had a down phase,

but I still did things.

Look at my Wikipedia.

Marc, you do realize what this means?

See these hands?

They're the hands of a daddy.

See you tonight!

Good evening.

I'd like to say thank you

to all my actors.

And also to others I see in the room,

Carlos, Charlotte, Gabrielle...

And, of course, most importantly,

a huge thanks to Denise.

If you don't like the film.

Please tell me nicely.

Actually, don't tell me

at all. Even better.

The photographers and the red carpet

weren't my idea.

I don't know what the film's like

because I've never seen it. That's it.

Enjoy your evening.

You've just heard an

attempt to present

Marc Becker's film

"Chacun, tout le monde".

I see some depressed people in

the aisles who can't find seats.

Please don't leave empty

seats between you.

Remember, a coat isn't a person.

There won't be a Q & A after the film.

But there will be tuna sandwiches

and free vodka for everyone.

Thank you.