03x04 - How To Watch the Game

[bunniefuu]

[light, gentle music playing]

John Wilson:
Hey, New York.

Whenever your friends
ask you to hang out,

you kind of just let them
determine what you do.

And a lot of the time,
it involves watching sports.

Their eyes are always
glued to the screen,

but you never have any idea
what's going on.

They all talk to each other
the whole time,

trading stories about
the characters on TV.

And at a certain point,

they just stop
engaging with you

because your mind
is clearly blank

and you have
nothing to offer.

You never really tried
getting into sports growing up

because you had
more important stuff,

uh, to focus on.

[intense cinematic
music playing]

The competitions that
you usually like to watch

are always kind of strange,

and involve either
feats of strength

or breaking some
kind of world record.

[deeply inhales]

[singing soft, high note]

[maintaining note]

[note wavering]

[inhales, exhales]

John:
Wow. Congrats.

But when you try to talk to
normal people about this stuff,

they never seem to care.

Do you ever watch
lumberjack competitions?

Uh, not really.

John:
You wanna be able
to talk about sports,

but you don't even know
the basic rules of most games.

You're not even sure
which team to root for.

But, maybe if you learned
how to become a real fan,

you can finally blend in
with the rest of your friends.

So, instead of just
sitting on the sidelines

the rest of your life,
stick with me,

and I'll show you
how to hit it out of the park,

slam dunk,

take one for the team,

and finally just, uh,

get, get in the game.

The number of different sports
you can be a fan of

may seem endless,
but if you wanna fit in,

you should try to focus on
a, a major one.

You weirdly got a message
from the New York Mets

a while ago,
inviting you to a game

that you never, uh,
responded to.

So, you thought
it would be a good time

to take them up
on their offer.

Even though
you're still not sure

if the invitation
was meant for you.

But before you go, you should
make sure you're prepared.

So, start by going out
and buying some apparel.

-This is the Mets, right?
-Cashier: Yeah.

John:
Thank you so much.

Then you can look up
the history of, of the team,

uh, to make sure
you're up to speed

before you get there.

Baseball players also use
a lot of hand signals,

so you should try to study
those in public, too.

[energetic synth music playing]

♪ ♪

-[synth music stops]
-And when you're
done with that,

just drive over
to the stadium

to spend some quality time
at Citi Field.

[upbeat music playing]

[inaudible dialogue]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The forecast wasn't, uh,
looking very good, so, um,

you should try to k*ll some
time before the game begins.

What do you think's
gonna happen?

-Mets gonna lose.
-John: Oh, sh*t.

When it rains, they have
a whole team of people

that just wipe down
each individual seat

just in case
the weather gets better.

There's a guy who walks around
to make sure

everyone's still drinking
enough alcohol.

And there's a big meatloaf
for all the male photographers

in, in the press room.

Every game, a,
a Mets tradition,

is a sing-along to
Billy Joel's "Piano Man."

-John: Oh, really?
-Um, so, those are the lyrics.

John:
But it's always... it's sponsored
by Dunkin now?

Rep:
It's sponsored by Dunkin, yeah.

John:
Do, do you guys have,
like, a kiss cam?

Rep:
We don't have
a kiss cam anymore.

It was, you know,
just some weird

consensual things

that we thought didn't
really fit well in 2022.

John:
Do you think the game's
still gonna go on today?

That's... I don't know.
Everybody thinks
I'm a weatherman.

I got people calling me
and texting me.

I-It's in the umpire's hands,

so it doesn't look
too promising.

But, don't look too promising
tomorrow either, unfortunately.

John:
And after three hours
of waiting,

the game was
finally postponed.

You're really upset that
you aren't gonna be able

to get the full experience,

but, thankfully,
a fan that you met there

invited you to come back
to his place

to watch some old games
on TV instead.

-Wow.
-This is my living room
and my dining room.

-All in one.
-John: Cool.

These are all
my Met glasses on top.

-I don't know if you
can really see them.
-John: Oh, yeah.

This is like
my Hall of Fame area for pins.

I don't know if that'll show
with the glare.

John:
What about, what do you like
about pins so much?

Fan:
I don't know, but it's...
Eh, I just enjoy it.

-John: What is this?
-Fan: Oh, that's paper.

John:
This is paper?
It's like a flip book

that doesn't change.

How'd you get into the Mets
to begin with?

Oh, that's my father, who says
he created this monster,

-so, yeah, he takes
the blame for it, but...
-[John laughs]

-John: Is he still
here right now?
-Yes, he is.

Yeah, he's downstairs.

John:
Do you remember
the first time

that you brought your son
to the game?

Oh, my God. That was...

He was about
maybe 7 or 8 years old,

I guess,
him and his brother,

who turned out to be
a Yankee fan, unfortunately.

-He's, he's been my caregiver
for the last two years.
-John: Oh, yeah?

-It's nice you take care
of your dad here.
-Fan: Thank you.

You know what
I tell everybody?

"You should've seen me
when I was alive."

[all laugh]

-John: Please don't
burn yourself.
-Fan: Nah.

-John: Okay.
Alright, it looks good.
-Fan: Smokin'.

So, we'll watch
a little 1986 Mets.

John:
Yes, please.

Was the '86 team
a, a good team?

Oh, that team
was phenomenal.

They started the season,
like, two and three,

and then they wheeled off


-John: Uh-huh.
-Fan: Reggie Jackson.
I think that's Kent Her...

There's, uh, Ray Knight.
When the Mets won that game six,

they came from behind with
two out, nobody on.

-Carlton Fisk...
-John: He seemed to know a lot

about all the different people
on the team.

And you kinda wish
that you were watching a game

where you knew
at least a little something

about the players.

-What is this stuff?
-Fan: That's stuff
my dad taped.

I don't even know what's on it.

-What is this?
-John: This is stuff
your dad taped?

-Fan: What is that?
OJ Simpson?
Ah, that's my dad.

He made a whole bunch of tapes.
He might have taped over them.

John: Oh, okay.

Fan:
He was one of the best.
He set the record

with 2,003 or 2,007 yards.

John:
Who did OJ play for?

Fan:
He was, uh,
on the Buffalo, uh, Bills?

Everybody thought
he was a great person

and a great, uh, sports player.

You know, football player.

-John: Hm.
-They used to call him
"The Juice"

John:
You're already pretty
familiar with,

uh, all the stuff that OJ did,

so maybe you'd, uh, have
a bit more fun going to, uh,

see his former team
play a game.

Do you have any tickets? Oh.

You guys don't know
how to get tickets, do you?

-Uh...
-Uh, sorry, bro.

I don't. I-I don't, uh...

John:
You know how to get tickets?

-They're gone now!
-John: Okay.

So if you can't find a ticket,

it seems like
a big part of the experience

is standing in a big
parking lot with other fans,

uh, before the game begins.

They grill meats together
on the hood of their cars,

eat pudding,

and pay tribute
to teammates

that are no longer with us.

This seems like a paradise
for people that actually care.

But, you still weren't
really sure

how to participate.

♪ ♪

A lot of their rituals seem
to have mutated over the years

into something designed
to scare outsiders.

There was nowhere to hide,

and you were a complete mess

by the time everyone
went into the stadium.

It just felt like you were
at a big family reunion

where you didn't know anyone.

And maybe you
missed some kind of
crucial formative moment

when you were a kid.

[quiet street noise]

-Go Bills.
-[fan scoffs]

John:
When you were growing up,

your family never really
watched the game.

♪ ♪

Your only exposure
to professional athletics

was the swimsuit issue
of "Sports Illustrated"

that your dad
got you every year.

There wasn't many sports
in there,

but there are a bunch
of girly pictures

that you cut out
and plastered

all over the walls
of your childhood bedroom.

You're pretty sure your dad
gave them to you

to make sure
that you were straight.

But, it eventually
made you so horny

that you ended up
fooling around

with one of your best
male friends

all throughout
middle school.

You were both
kind of ashamed of it

and never really talked
about it with anyone.

And maybe that all had
some kind of impact

on the kind of adult
you became.

You tried a couple
of other sports,

but you couldn't really
get excited about

what you were watching.

And the only part that
caught your attention

was when nobody was playing.

[classical music playing]

♪ ♪

Being around this many people

also gave you
terrible claustrophobia,

and you kept
replaying a scenario

over and over in your head
of what would happen

if you all tried to leave
at the same time.

You always enjoyed
having little get-togethers

at your place,

and maybe you'd feel
more relaxed

watching the next big game
at home with your friends.

So, you go out
to the supermarket
to get some snacks

and text a few pals.

You also haven't cleaned
your apartment in a while,

and it had a thin layer
of dust over everything,

and you desperately
need to clean up

if you wanna entertain.

-But when you try
to turn on your vacuum...
-[vacuum whirring]

...it doesn't
really seem to work,

and nothing you
do really fixes it.

So, you look online and find
a vacuum repair store

that's still open.

Hello.

-Hi. How are you?
-John: Good.

So do you work
on Dysons here?

I'm working on a Dyson now.

We do more Dysons
than anything else.

-John: Are they, like,
hard to fix at all?
-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're, they're a pain
in the neck to get apart.

They're just very,
very overrated.

John:
Yeah.

Did vacuum cleaners
used to be built better?

Oh, a hundred percent!

John:
Oh, wow. That is
a very cool design.

Right here.
Hoover Constellation.

And when you turn it on,
the air,

the exhaust, comes out
of the bottom,

so it actually floated
on the air and moved around.

John:
Oh, cool. Do people
still use these things?

Yeah. Oh, sure.
Oh, yeah. We still fix Kirbys.

Yeah, we fix them all the time.

There's groups
that collect these things, uh...

-[door beeps]
-Repairman: How you doing, sir?

-John: No, it's okay.
It's okay. Please.
-Repairman: No, that's alright.

I just had a question.

I have a, a problem where it's,
like, a lot of gunk in here,

-so it doesn't...
-Repairman: Phones
we don't work on at all.

This was a good
machine actually.

This, this machine here.

This was the standard, uh,
Hoover upright.

I forget what, uh...

Convertible,
I think they called that.

-Really good,
strong machine. Just...
-[phone ringing]

Hello?

-How are you? Are you bad?
-[muffled phone chatter]

So, it's gotten worse again?

[phone chatter continues]

John:
You're amazed that people
still use these things

and it looked like they had
an event happening soon.

Thankfully, only one person
responded to your text

about watching the game,

so you're sure your friend

wouldn't mind if you did
something else instead.

♪ ♪

The Vacuum Cleaner Collectors
Club convention

was happening in
Scranton, Pennsylvania,

at a
Marriott TownePlace Suites.

It was their


and collectors
from all over the country

turned up to show off
their stuff.

-Wow. Was that hard to get?
-Vac Man: No. Luckily,
it was available,

-and so was Ohio Vac still.
-John: Cool.

Collector 1:
These are the first
Hoovers from 1908.

John:
So how many vacuums
would you say that y-you own?

-Me? I have about 75.
-John: Really?

Collector 2:
I have about 120.

-John: You have 120 vacuums?
-Yes.

I have a few buildings full
and two houses full.

-[laughter]
-Collector 3: Yeah, it happens.

Even the cats aren't afraid of
them anymore. My cats are like,

"Oh, the blue one's out,"
you know? They don't...

-It, it doesn't scare them.
-John: Oh.

Yeah, my cat is really
afraid of my vacuum cleaner.

-Really?
-John: Yeah.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

-[laughter]
-John: Are you serious?

[slow whirring]

[whirring speeds up]

[rapid whining]

John: This is one of
the coolest things
I've ever seen.

The event began
with a board meeting

where they discussed
their finances.

Yes, we have about
$9,000 in our treasury,

and the convention,
I think, was around two.

So, um, I'll have a treasurer's
report in the newsletter.

Board Member:
The board had discussed,
possibly,

if a member leaves
not in good standing,

leaves our club,
or gets kicked out,

that they're not allowed
to rejoin later on.

-Collector 2: I've heard
of that. Yeah.
-Board Member: But...

["Roar" by Katy Perry
ringtone playing]

-[clapping]
-[laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

John:
And once that was finished,

they put a bunch of stuff
on the ground

and got ready for
a signature sport of theirs.

What is that stuff?

-[John laughs]
-I don't know
what's it made of.

It's just, it's just, uh,
what they use for...

simulate dog hair.

John:
They put salt and confetti
and stuff

in three different lanes,

and competitors try to suck up

as much as they could
in a given amount of time.

The first round
was canister vacuums

and the judges
were really meticulous

in how they graded
each performance.

[inaudible dialogue]

John:
Next to compete
were the upright vacuums

which were all
very evenly matched.

It was an exhilarating sight
and for the first time,

you completely understood
all the rules.

You really wanted to
know who won,

but, unfortunately, you were
gonna have to wait

until the closing night
ceremony

to see how everyone did.

What, what got you
into vacuums?

I don't know.
I was just kind of always...

-I've always been like that.
-John: Really?

-Yeah. It's like...
-[hose clattering]

I don't know what caused it.
I just like vacuums.

-John: How many vacuums
do you have at home?
-I have, like...



-John: Really?
-I don't really know. Yeah.

Collector 4:
Everybody here has the same,
the same story.

As a little kid,

I was overly enamored
with vacuum cleaners.

It didn't matter what it was.
It was just as long

as it was a vacuum cleaner,
and it plugged in...

[clicks tongue]
I was good to go.

You know,
it's just that simple.

And then, after a while,
I realized that it was actually

kind of embarrassing,
so I, I put it away.

John:
Why do you feel like you had
to hide it for a minute?

Because all the other
little guys on the playground

-made fun of you.
-John: Hm.

[laughs] You didn't have
a baseball bat, didn't want to,

didn't want a football,
didn't want a basketball.

I wanted to play
with your mom's sweeper.

[laughs]

I... You know, you can
pretty it up all you want,

and it all comes down to that.

[vacuum motor whirring]

[vacuum stops]

John:
Did you see the, uh, vacuum
convention happening over there?

-Say that again?
-John: The vacuum convention
happening right here?

I did.
My grandmother had this.

-John: Oh, really?
-When we were younger.

This one over here.

[clicks tongue] This one.

John:
What was your relationship
like with your grandmother?

Oh, we were tight until she...
until, unfortunately,

-she passed away
this past December, but.
-John: Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm, I'm grateful that I had


I mean, she taught me a lot,

especially about
how to be a man, you know.

And, you know, of course,
cooking, cleaning.

That's all about adulthood,

but also about becoming
your own independent man.

Does that vacuum
actually work?

John:
Yeah, it, it does, actually.

[slow whirring]

-Yo, look at that thing!
-Oh, sh*t.

[whirring speeds up]

-Look at this!
-Oh, sh*t.

-[laughs]
-[mutters]

-I'm sorry, guys.
-Sorry, guys!

-We're just adoring
the vacuum over here.
-[laughter]

John:
Later that afternoon,
they all met

at one of their houses
for an annual barbecue,

and the host was excited
to show off his collection.

-Are these all the same model?
-Collector 3:
They're convertibles.

I have the first one
and the last one

and hundreds of others
in between.

-This came from
the actual parking lot.
-John: Oh, okay.

We have...

-Is this devotion? [laughs]
-John: Oh, cool.

Very nice. Yeah,
you got everything.

I wore leg braces for 14 years
and how I learned to walk

was pushing around
my grandmother's Hoover.

If it wasn't for her
having that, you know,

I wouldn't have been
walking at the age of 2.

John:
Why do you guys
think it's, like,

mostly men that are collectors?

♪ ♪

I'm not really sure,
'cause there's...

-um, a couple women that...
-There are.

I-I-I don't know why.
I don't think anybody does.

I just liked vacuums,
and whether or not

anyone else approved
of that or not...

I mean, of course,
respect your parents,
that sort of thing.

But I just had vacuums,
and I was okay with that.

I figure it's different
for everyone though,

but there's always
that sort of,

"Oh, he has vacuums.
That's weird."

But, in the end,
everyone has a vacuum.

♪ ♪

John:
You were having
a really good time

getting to know
everyone there,

but you still
weren't really sure

how their obsession originated.

And all three of those girls
had that model 28,

which was
a 1946 World w*r II thing.

John:
Oh, okay.

It seems like they all had
some kind of connection

with a, a family member's
vacuum cleaner

when they were growing up.

I look at these cleaners,

and I remember
all these relatives

and so many of them
are dead now.

Not that I hold on to them,

but it's just
I remember them all,

-and now, they're not here.
-Collector 5: But I think
that shows, that demonstrates

that the meaning
goes a little bit beyond

just what the vacuum
cleaner is, right?

I mean, you've got
memories tied to it.

-John: Yeah.
-That's what sort of
brings it meaning.

♪ ♪

John:
You're pretty sure
your grandma

u-used to have
an old vacuum, too.

But you're afraid
that you weren't really

that close with her.

The last time you saw her,

you went to go see her
in the hospital,

but you didn't know
what to talk about.

You eventually said
that you were hungry and...

went to go get some lunch
and never came back.

She died a couple
of days later,

and you felt really guilty

for not having spent
more time with her.

Even though you're
never really sure

how to say goodbye.

The next morning,
they organized

a trip to the coal museum,

which gave you the opportunity

to test out
some new material.

The carpets are pretty clean
for a coal museum. [laughs]

Pretty clean
for a coal museum.

I noticed that the carpet's
pretty clean for a coal museum.

[laughs] It is.

♪ ♪

John:
And for lunch,
they had a pizza party

at a member's house nearby.

The host of the party
was a, a man named Joe

who was really excited
to show you his collection

because each vacuum
had a unique story.

Turned out that the guy
k*lled his wife,

and then he put a...
then he shot himself,

and the b*llet went through
his head, into my aunt's wall,

ricocheted off a light fixture,

and landed on the hood
of the vacuum cleaner.

-John: Oh, my God.
-Joe: The police found it.

That's my
m*rder-suicide vacuum.

Since I was a kid,
I could always remember,

even when we would go shopping,
I would disappear,

and I'd go right
to the vacuum aisles

and, and look at them.

John:
Did, like, the other kids,
when you were growing up, did...

I kept... No,
I kept it to myself.

I was... No, nobody...

I didn't tell anybody about it.

John:
How old were you
when you, uh, came out?

[sighs]
You mean vacuuming?

-John: Yeah.
-[Joe laughs]

I was in my 50s.

-John: Really?
-'Cause I'm 64 now.

-John: You were hiding it
for that long?
-Hiding it. I was hiding it.

This one,

my father bought it for me,
and I came home, and he said,

"I got a present for ya."

John:
What was your relationship
like with your,

like, with your father?

He was hundred percent
supportive of this.

Hundred percent.

He thought it was great.
He would sometimes come out

on the workbench with me,
and I'd understand

how to put a cord on
or change a switch.

And he would...
'Cause he was very handy.

He never actually
fixed vacuums.

-John: Hm.
-But he knew a lot, enough
that he could teach me stuff,

and he taught me a lot.

John:
Does he still help out or...

Oh, my father passed away.

-John: Oh, I'm sorry.
-Yeah.

I buried him last weekend.

It's... It's-It's hard.

I said... He lived with me
for so many years,

it was like losin' a spouse
almost because he was...

And, uh, h-he was here.

You, know, a lot of times,
I'll come home from somewhere,

and I'll wanna go tell him
what happened or what ha...

and I'm like, "Oh, I can't.
He's not here anymore."

The day before he died,
I went out up to the hospital,

and I held his hand,
and we watched Mass on TV

'cause he always...
when he couldn't go to
the church anymore,

he always wanted
to watch it on TV.

I watched it with him,
and I held his hand,

and I said, "Dad, it's...
everything's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be alright."

And I said,
as much as he couldn't talk,

when I walked out of that room,
clear as anything,

he said to me,
"Remember, I love you."

[voice breaking]
I'm sorry.

-Please turn it off.
-John: It's okay.

-It's okay. I'm sorry.
-[Joe gasps]

Joe:
And then I got a call
the next morning at six o'clock,

and they told me
that he died in his sleep.

I couldn't be there
all night with him.

I don't know exactly
what time they found him,

at, uh, quarter to six
in the morning. [sharp inhale]

My cousin, she lived in Ten...
she lives in Tennessee.

And she said somethin'
that made me feel kind of good.

She goes,
"You cry because you miss him,

not because you have anything
to regret with your father."

-Mm. I try to remember
that some time.
-John: That's true.

[soft piano music playing]

[inaudible dialogue]

♪ ♪

John:
When you got back
to the hotel,

they gave out all the awards
for the competition...

[applause]

Matthew was the Constellation.

-[applause]
-John: ...and packed up
all their stuff

and got ready
for the long drive home.

[wheels rumbling]

-[tapping]
-And we usually do this
in tap shoes, okay?

-[John laughs]
-We weren't, we
weren't prepared.

-Actually have...
-Our musical accompanist

is, is home sick with herpes
or something.

-[straining]
-sh*t.

♪ ♪

John:
Maybe it's okay if you
don't like the same games

as everyone else does.

Because the fewer fans
that there are,

the stronger the bonds are
that you'll make.

And if you're having
a hard time

communicating with the people
that you love,

just make sure you
take the opportunity

while they're still around,

because you may only
get one shot.

And if you do
miss the chance,

you can always find

another way
to remember them,

which can keep you company

for a long time
after they're gone.

♪ ♪

Because in the end,

everyone has a vacuum,

and you can always
just take it out

whenever you're ready.

This is John Wilson.

Thanks for watching.

[mellow music playing]

♪ ♪