- FBI are looking
into multiple leads,
including an escaped
mental patient from Texas
to a missing Indiana
coroner with a list
of serious offenses.
- Man, this song is k*ller.
- No clues, no, no
motive, no suspects.
Police and FBR are left empty
handed as they scrambled
to catch a seemingly
uncatchable k*ller.
Whatcha doing?
- Will the victims and their
families ever find justice?
And more importantly,
how long will this sadistic
k*ller remain faceless?
- Eric, I told you
to never come here.
Cross me again, and that'll
be the last face you ever see.
It began with a
scream across 9 1 1
and turned into an
unending trail of bodies.
- He dispatches his
victims with a ferocity
that makes the lights Ab Bundy
and Ramirez look
like child's play.
The medical precision displayed
in his killings has given
rise to a new moniker.
The doctor,
- The week long Midwest
m*rder spree has left West
Virginians terrified
and wondering where
this sadistic surgeon
will strike next.
- You know you've been parked
outta here for three hours.
I got here early,
it didn't work.
Sh f*ck
- My a*s.
- Hey, forgot something.
- I know, I knew
that. I knew that.
I I This all on your control,
man. Hold these for me.
Yep. Yep. Thanks brother.
Appreciate you, man. sh*t.
- So I'm thinking
about this one,
but I'm also thinking
about this one.
Dude, you're a janitor
and your name is Madison.
- You are not Justin.
Where's Justin?
What are you looking
at? Oh, again,
- Seven c*ck are good luck.
And I said it's ab*rtion
- The other way.
Meet. So the
- Date went well.
- Oh, no, no.
Turns out she's
vegan. So super bad
- Actually. Well,
- Good morning.
Sugar lips. See
anything you like.
- Last time I saw something
like you, I flushed.
- Oh, I got jokes too, babe.
- It's far too early for
your sex is bullshit.
- It's an ab*rtion joke.
It doesn't even have
anything to do with sex.
- Can we talk?
- Yes, please.
- It's all junk. - That's
the hooper ring standard.
- How's, what's her face?
- You know, you could
at least pretend
to act like you're interested.
- Well, what makes
you think I'm not
- Eye contact for starters?
- How's Amy? - Really good.
I think she's the one.
- I still think you're
moving a little fast.
I mean, the divorce
was finalized, what,
five months ago?
- True. Things are
still pretty fresh.
But I, I have feelings
for Amy that I never had
for female Hitler.
- Seriously? I'm happy for you.
It's not easy finding that
person. I should know.
- Look,
- It's sleeping. Beauty.
- I wouldn't bother clocking
in. They're gonna know.
- In my defense, this is
the earliest I've been late.
Besides, I've got a really
good excuse this time.
We already know about
your botch vasectomy.
- You did go to a
general practitioner.
- The price was right.
You had a coupon.
- Good morning, my homies.
What's crack lacking?
That's not cultural
appropriation.
Nobody said it was.
I know. 'cause it's not.
Good morning, Leslie.
- Hi Mr. Dugan.
- You too. I need to see
you in my office. Pronto.
Turns out rock bottom has a
basement. It's nothing serious.
Let's go. I brought you in here
to tell you something
pretty serious.
- Like really serious.
- Thank you.
- You are so welcome.
- As you know, I do the end
of the year corporate call
and I just got off
the phone, please.
Bad. Fourth quarter really put
us under, I mean, you know,
look at the economy
we're in, right?
However, that doesn't
change the fact
and here's the long
and the short of it.
We're gonna need to trim
some fat around here.
- What about tomorrow's New
Year's Eve party? Cancel that,
- Brian.
I'm taking away people's jobs.
I'm not gonna take away their
party. I'm not a monster.
- Yeah, seriously. He's not
like conniving two timing,
you know, m*therf*cking
Olympic piece of sh*t, as*h*le.
- God. Yeah. There was a lot
of specific in that. You're
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
Oh my life.
Hey Ruth, how are you? Hi.
- Oh, hey. Where, where did
you put my vaginal cream?
Feeling a bit yeasty.
- First of all, I don't put
your vaginal cream anywhere,
but a hello would've been nice.
Or maybe just not calling.
- Oh my God. It's
like an ax wound.
- I know exactly how you feel
because when I have those days,
I feel like I'm putting a
ghost pepper in as a tampon.
- Okay. Okay. Can
- You please
- Leak out? Oh,
- It's like I just got done
eating a Thanksgiving yeast.
- Oh. - Oh, that's nice.
So, so sorry. Okay.
What is happening?
- Oh, the lube was
expired by eight
months. That's what happened.
- Oh, eight
- Months. I'll write that down.
Eight months expired. Eight
- Months.
Please. You don't need
to write that down.
Okay, honey, this is not
the best time. Good calling.
- It's never a good
time for vaginitis.
- No, it's never a
good time. Write that.
I gotta go, babe. Thank you.
- When you get home, we are
gonna have a serious talk about
you not touching
- My things.
- I don't touch
your things goodbye.
Hey, you're young enough
now to avoid that.
- Okay. I'm terribly sorry
to hear about your wife's
burning beaver,
but I cannot stress to you
how badly I need this job.
- Hey guys, your jobs are safe.
- Whew. Gotta say
I'm a little ashamed
to admit you had me worried
there and I rarely get ashamed.
Like, I'll tell
anybody anything.
Like I'll get the testosterone
of an 80-year-old
man when I have sex.
It takes me like two
hours to get out.
- Not, what do you
mean we don't know? I
- Oh, when Harry met Sally.
Oh, oh, oh,
- Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh,
- Oh.
How do Moses and I
factor into this?
- You know, I'm gonna need a
- Couple witnesses. Oh,
- I can be a witness.
- Well, I'm gonna need
a competent witness
that's gonna hold up in court,
if you know what I mean.
- Excellent. I'm right here.
- Thank you. High
five. Thank you.
- The witnesses for what,
- When people get fired
then you know, they kind
of get a little nutty
and claim things that may
be happening years ago.
Like, you know, I don't know,
parking in a
reserve parking spot
or sexual harassment, you know,
or you know, just like maybe
eating some somebody's lunch in
a fridge or sexual harassment.
Just harassing sexually.
Just, just don't harass
anyone as you just pointed out
with your little, you know,
jizz on the desk thing
you just did on my
desk. And you're gonna
have to clean that up.
- I'll clean it up.
- No, that is not your job.
- Yeah, no, I like cleaning it
- Up.
I know you do.
You clean up mine.
You're not gonna clean clean
this. I'll clean it up.
You're not gonna clean his up.
- Try harder next time.
Didn't mean to. No, it's okay.
It's okay. I'm just, I've
been a little jumpy lately.
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's fine.
It's just, there's been somebody
prowling around my place.
Probably just a
social media stalker.
I mean, you are something
of a local online celebrity.
I know, right? I mean, who knew?
An owl sanctuary
would be so popular.
I was talking about your
only fans, but Oh yeah.
Well, owls don't
pay the bills, so
- I didn't mean to distract you.
I'll let you get back to it.
- No, no, no.
Like by all means, I was just
sitting here wallowing in self
pity thinking I'm gonna
die low surrounded by owls,
you know, and I need
like 15 years of rest
and a really big f*cking
big bottle of wine.
No, no. By all means,
strike me. I'm,
- I'm in a kind of
precarious sort of situation.
I don't really know
how to handle it.
- Does this situation
rhyme with Brian?
- Oh wow. - Right to the
point. Subtlety isn't my thing.
- Let's just say I came by
some information by accident.
- You were snooping. Carry on
- This person who
shall remain unnamed.
You thought you knew who
or what they were, you
thought you had them pegged.
Ironically, my favorite porn hub
- Category,
- We'll get back to that.
Certain bits of info
have come to light
that are maybe making you look
at the person in a different
way and maybe in a way
you never expected.
I kind of hate it,
but in, in a good way.
- Is this story
gonna make me cry?
Because my mascara is uber
expensive. Being for real.
I mean cryptic, but serious.
Okay, so let's
switch the situation.
If I were you, would you
applaud me for banging this guy?
- That is such a bizarre
way of looking at this.
I mean, it's safe
to say I would not wanna
be in the same room
if you were f*cking Brian.
- Did I hear my name?
- Hey. Hey.
No, we were talking
about Ryan Reynolds.
- Oh, I would love
to see every inch of
that man, even his
little brown eye.
- Whoa. Okay,
- Let me be clear.
I never said I was
talking about Brian,
and even if I were, it's
obvious I don't want
to get into specifics.
I just need advice on how
to handle the awkwardness.
- Okay, well if there's one
thing I've learned in life is
that things happen for a reason.
You know, you, you
can't cheat fate.
You know, you can't
change destiny.
You and Nick we're never
supposed to to be together.
You know? I mean,
he's a smooth talker.
He seems genuine, but
he's a psychopath.
And that path is just gonna
lead him to an early grave.
Now your road is leading to
the right person and or persons
and that person is
gonna save you from
whatever the situation
is coming from you.
That was strangely poignant.
I have an acute tongue.
I'm feeling pretty. Ugh. Mr.
Dugan wants to see
is in the foxhole.
Wonder what it's
about. This time
- You going, f*ck, I'd rather
be stabbed by scissors.
I'm not even at my desk,
so I never saw the email.
- This is stupid. I have
school. Not today. You don't.
Let's go. I don't understand.
Kate, please, why won't you
just tell me where we're going?
I'll explain everything when
we're on the road now please
just get in the car.
This is so f*cked up.
Put your seatbelt on
and watch your nail
breaking the law
through truancy.
That's perfectly cool.
But we draw the line at
foul language. Gotcha.
f*ck. Who needs to
watch their language?
I left my cell phone in the
garage. Stay in the car.
Mom, you're starting to scare
me. Please. Just talk to me.
I'm gonna go get my phone
then we'll call your sister.
Why don't I just
call her now? No, no.
There are things happening here
that you both need to know.
And I wanna k*ll two
birds with one stone.
That's a morbid way to put it.
If you're in some kind
of trouble, just suck it
up and call Uncle Mike.
I I, I can't. Like I said,
I'll explain everything
when we're gone.
- The mutilated
bodies with no way
of discerning the
identities of the victims.
Police believe these
killings to be the
work of gangland violence.
Despite the Davis County
Coroner's Office releasing a
conflicting report standing
the wounds found on the bodies
had evidence of
surgical expertise.
- Mom, mom, seriously
damnit.
Mom, answer me.
f*ck it. I'm calling uncle Mike.
- Kate, you are so bad
at answering your phone.
I don't even understand
why you have one.
But look, I know I
said something about
us doing something
tonight, but I think I'm
gonna have to rain check.
I forgot that I'm supposed to
get with Brian and Moses right
after work and then I have an
eight o'clock class tonight.
So no extra time for this
non-traditional student.
But anyways, a lot has
been going on recently.
Oh, tomorrow I have this
stupid mandatory work party.
It's dumb. But afterwards
I'll come and check in on you
and mom for New Year's.
I love you guys.
Call me if you can,
but if not, I will
see you tomorrow.
- Hi. Hi. Yay.
- Whoa. Looks like
everybody actually read
my emails for once.
Well, thank you for coming.
I have an announcement
to make Mr. Duggan talks.
As you know, last year
this time I was making an
announcement that we
had a gangbuster year
and we all got some major
sizable Christmas bonuses.
Yes. Unfortunately today I'm
gonna have to send some of you
to lunch early and have
you never come back.
- f*ck
- Are you for real?
- Excuse me. Mr. Dugan does
not have a sense of humor.
- Yeah, like that time last year
that you joked there
was an active sh**ter in
the building. That
- Was not a joke.
That was a drill. And we got
to use the first aid kit.
So it actually
worked for the drill.
- Well on what grounds are
you firing these employees?
- Lemme tell you what grounds.
The grounds that we're on
the sacred grounds
of Hooper Industries.
But guess what? I've been
waiting to fire you, Mr. Hr.
Ever since he gave me
that lovely birthday gift.
Generic toothpaste.
- Who? Balks at
good oral hygiene.
- This is great.
- You're an idiot anyway.
You don't have the
authority to fire me
because I'm an HR rep.
- When you mess with the cow,
you get the Ts, it's bull
and you get the horns.
Why would you get
- The Ts?
- What's your name? Harry?
Yeah, that's right. Harry.
What warden? The only Harry
warden you might see is when you
go to jail and Mr.
Harry Warden comes to a visit
and sell black G every night.
This is going to be
a bucket list here
for firing. What's your name?
- It's Morden.
- Yeah.
Probably gonna fire you just
because you said your name.
You probably should have
said you didn't know.
- You tell
- Him. Grandfather,
- What's your name?
Mars? Yeah. That's a nickname.
You know what that
nickname means?
'cause you look like a planet.
Okay. You ginormous dog d*ck.
- HR rules. You can't call an
employee an enormous dog d*ck.
- I'll change it.
- You limp dog
- d*ck.
How's that? Better?
Okay, then I'm gonna need
to see the following people
at the conference room.
Tucker d dog. Freddy,
say f*ck Freddy.
How you feeling now, Harry?
Yeah. How you like those s?
I'm a cow. You're a bull,
but you're not a male bull.
You're like, bullshit,
Judy. God, that's my friend.
Where's Judy? Friend?
Hi. Conference room.
We'll we'll discuss.
All right. Oh my gosh.
Josh, you work here.
Oh, I thought you were about
valet. Parker. Jordan. Jordan.
I wish I had a
nickname. Oh my god,
I thought your name was Erica.
I swear. Conference room ASAP.
And last but not least,
John. John. We're both John.
Oh, okay. I have down the
g*y one. We're both g*y.
Looks like we got a surplus.
My wife, you know, is
that time of the month.
Aunt Flo sent me to the
store to get a little like,
you know, tampon maxi pad.
There's light flow, there's
tsunami, just there's flex form.
There's ones with wings that
fly I guess for like a team
of tampons, you know,
all put together here.
And that makes super
industries, right?
We get up in there and we stop
and we do our job efficiently.
Do you understand what
I'm saying? As a team,
one big tampon.
I had some volunteers. I
can make this easy. Nobody.
Okay, so Jordan,
remember last week when I
asked for a cup of coffee?
- Yes. - And I asked for
the color to be Beyonce,
a little Michael Jordan
thriller, but not quite bad.
Do you remember
that color mix? Yes.
And what did you come back
with? Kelly Rowland, wasn't it?
That's what I'm talking about
here. I need a team that knows
what they're talking about
at Hooper Industries.
Did you guys even
know what we sell?
Somebody raise their hand
if they know what we sell.
Judy Lynn Tucker,
you looking at me?
- Yes.
- I
- Hope you die.
- What did you
say? I hope you die
in your dreams, Mr.
Prissy HR pants. Oh, I will
dream about it. Oh yeah.
Well then why don't you
dream about filling out an
unemployment application
because that's about
to come reality.
You know what, I'll fill
out the unemployment
- Application on
your dream corpse.
- Yeah. Well you might as well
sign it with my dream blood.
- Oh, I will. Yeah. I'll sign
it twice. Sign it three times.
Yeah. Third time's a charm.
- Okay, this is
getting weird and
- I don't even know
how it started.
Yeah, well you know
what, I'm gonna finish it
- In your dreams.
- In my wet dreams wet
because of the blood.
- And we all just be fired Now.
- One caramel sugar free
latte to go. Anything else?
No, I'm good. Thank you so much.
Have a good night. You too.
- I am not proud of
the things I've done.
What we're going to do,
it'll make sense in the end.
It has to. Otherwise,
what am I protecting?
Just know that I never
wanted any of this,
but I might have found
a way to end it all.
I just, I just need
to do it one more time.
If something happens to me,
they'll find this and
it'll all come out.
I've left each of you a
letter to explain why.
Don't believe
everything you hear.
I'm not,
I don't want to
believe I'm a bad man.
sh*t.
Hello.
- Where are you
- Running errands
- In the warehouse district.
- The f*ck? - I put 360 on
your phone Dipshit. Remember
- It wasn't funny then
and it's even less so now.
- Need some backup.
- Not if I can avoid it,
but you already know where
I am, so why the hell not?
- Seriously though?
What's the errand?
- It's work related. Hurry up.
I don't wanna be sitting
in the cold all night.
- Yeah, be there soon.
- f*ck took you so long.
- It makes you feel
any better. I'll take point.
- f*ck I look like a coward.
- Sure, go ahead.
- Coast looks clear. - You
do have your contacts in this
time, right?
You couldn't have
closed the door slowly.
Do you not watch
scary f*cking movies?
- Sorry. But I like
a good chick flick.
- Explains your vague
sexual preference.
Well that's new.
That's a red flag.
Red flag. Number two.
- Ladies
- First. Such a gentleman.
- What the hell you doing?
- Police work.
Look around for f*ck's sake.
- I've seen it
- Look closer.
He's breathing
- All alive.
- All right, I'll be home
in 30, hun. Alright, bye.
Stephanie. Alfred, is that you?
Hey buddy. You're not supposed
to be in here this late.
I don't know who you are.
You have to come back
during business hours.
It's tomorrow 9:00 AM
I gotta warn you.
I ran track in high school.
- What the
- Hey
man, is this like a joke?
- What the f*ck you
want? Ow Stephanie.
Ow. Well do what you want
to do. Let's get it on.
f*ck. What?
What man, you want my money?
I give you my bank
accounts. I got your car.
Talk to me.
- What do you want?
- I'm agent. Agent
West. This is agent Go.
Good to know Pia, come on. Look.
We need to know exactly
what brought you here today.
- Our jobs.
- Are we gonna have a problem?
- Not to be disrespectful,
but it's obvious your
problem began at birth.
- We, we got a distressed call
from a person in the area.
- Did either one of you
identify the caller?
- Just listen to
the 9 1 1. Call.
Dispatch records the
word didn't. You know?
- Oh, huh? Okay, listen. Hear
you m*therf*cker. Whoa, whoa.
- We're here. Here.
All right. All right
everyone just relax.
LA. We have a house
of horrors in them.
Three or four dozen dead bodies.
Men, women, kids.
Now I read your file,
officer Flanagan,
and I know you hate our
branch 'cause of your father,
but you need to realize
that we're on the same tee.
- You guys practice that
on the car. Ride over.
- Look, I'm just gonna
say it. We have a
serial k*ller on our hands.
- A real f*cked up
deranged one at that.
- We have bodies with
six months of decay,
the various operations
performed on them.
Someone with years of
experience kind of experience
- This lasting up
innocent people kind.
Wait six months of decay.
Like how'd this flip past us?
Where are all the
missing persons reports?
- That's what we'd like to know.
- f*cking hate
this place anyway.
Oh my God. 9 1 1.
What's your emergency like?
Yes. Something really awesome.
I mean, no awful. Something
really awful has happened.
Is someone injured?
- Sir, I need you to
speak up, sir. Hello.
Are you there?
- Does this drink
come with your number?
- Depends on what I'm
getting myself into.
- I'm a composer.
- Anything I've heard of
- Probably my most
famous composition
is putting it D major
in the diner.
- You know there's a good
chance you're gonna remain
single indefinitely.
- Yep.
- Whereas you
know what's her face?
- She had to work
overtime in the ER.
- Again.
- That's my beautiful Amy.
I'm gonna puke outta my butt.
- Don't worry Moses.
You'll find Ms. Wright.
- I want Ms. Wright
Now I think it's time
to take a step back
and make a plan.
- He's right.
- But is he Mr.
Right now I'm being serious.
I worry about you.
- You can stop. I've got a
six month plan. In six months.
The current box of
condoms I have will expire
and then I will find a wife.
I gotta piss.
- You always laugh at
his jokes. It's sweet.
- Somebody has to and
he is your best friend
and you hardly ever
even crack a smile.
- After a while, all of the
fart jokes run together,
which is why you simply
cannot fathom the
intensity of the
f*ck. I do not give.
- Lighten up a bit.
Have a little fun
- Not to change the
subject by meaning to,
but when is Cupid
sh**ting his arrow at you?
- My resolution is to
remain d*ck free next year.
- Weird. I had that
same resolution.
- Well, that confirms the
rumors about you having no d*ck.
- Wow. I really
walked into that. One
- More like ran head first.
Can I ask you something?
- Anything? What's up SLOs?
- Another time. It's my turn
- Dude.
For being the smartest guy
I know you are dense when it
comes to seeing a
great opportunity.
- I know you are
not talking about
what I think you're
talking about.
Leslie's the ultimate package.
You are not wrong, but
I've got my package.
Those are not the rumors I've
heard. Leslie is incredible.
Yes, but Amy is the one.
- Look, I know you love Amy,
but Leslie's had a crush on
you since like high school.
Plus all due respect.
We both know she could
use her cobwebs clean
with the old worm broom.
- I don't look at her like that.
- Besides, the worst
thing you could do
is have sex with a friend.
I know I once lost a
friend from Harpooning,
the salty longshoreman.
- What the f*ck are you talking
about? You? You mean sex?
- I'm talking about jack in off
of somebody to talk to. How?
- How do you have
so many euphemisms?
- I know how bad it is to
lose a 20 year friendship,
especially when she's the first
and only girl to tell me that
I have a big d*ck in bed.
- You see what I mean? Leslie
and I are too good of friends
and I don't wanna ruin that.
- You're right. It's
probably for the best.
Leslie would never tell
you you have a big d*ck.
- We are interrupting your
regularly scheduled program
for this late breaking situation
transpiring in downtown
Owensboro, Kentucky.
It appears local police
and FBI as well as state
authorities have shut down an
entire section of the
city's industrial area.
Let's go live to our own.
Kevin Duffy, who's on
the scene. Kevin, thanks
- Chris.
In terms of what we
expect will be more about
what state authorities
will be doing,
but the FBI has already taken
control of the situation.
Very few details are being
released to the press,
but what is currently
known is at a dozen victims
or more have been found in
what can only be described
as a true warehouse of horrors.
- All that's waiting
is k*lling me.
- Hmm. It's foreshadowing.
- Say what?
- It's a literary device.
Gives the reader a
level of expectation.
You know, hints
on things to come.
- You're a weird f*cking
guy. You know that
- Must have been
talking to my ex-wife.
Whoa, wait, hold up.
What do we have here?
- I bet you twenties,
that Flanagan character.
- Yep. Looks like you
win the golden cheese.
- You knew something - Seemed
off with that smug prick.
Just so we're clear, there was
never an official handshake.
- What the f*ck are
you talking about?
- Therefore, I
don't owe you $20.
- You're worse than
my teenage shut. Look.
Can we just focus
on the case? Please.
- By all means.
- Such,
- Such a messy Hello?
- Yeah. Morning sis.
You got a minute?
- Hi. I do actually,
I'm just at work
- On your day off.
- Oh, come on. You know
that a manager's assistant
job is never fully done.
That's what Mr. Dugan always
tells me. Never fully done.
Never fully done. Now, okay,
- Steph, you can have your
wife his car today too.
- Oh my gosh, that is so
stupid. You're being so silly.
No, that's next Saturday.
Oh my gosh. Although this
is a riveting conversation.
I hear something really
loud in the back.
Hold on, I gotta go by.
- Hello? Hello.
- Who is that?
- Okay, who's in here?
As you know, it's Saturday
and only moron's
work on Saturday.
Harry, is that you? Are you
messing with me? Come on.
Hey, talk to me. Who's in here?
That's
- Who are, who are you?
- What?
What the
- f*ck?
Please stop. What is that?
Oh my God.
Stop. No, as he says
I five, he's done.
I I don't that.
Oh my God. What's up?
I don't feel that. I don't,
I don't feel it. I can't.
No. God no.
- We did party
- In an office.
- Yeah, in an office.
You look scary familiar.
- We work together. I give
you your spreadsheets.
- Whoa. Hey buddy, listen to me.
I'm the only one
that spreads Hershe
sheets. Okay. He's talking
- About work.
Idiot
- Office buddy.
Sorry I'm late. I got here
as soon as I wanted to.
Ah, the finger.
I had a gut feeling more
like a butt feeling.
You are terminally infantile.
You are that irritating
character in a comedy
where everyone knows
just what you're about.
It's either sh*t. This or,
or que that randomly
using words like moist.
Very little is left to
the known imagination.
- Sounds hilarious. Second.
This may surprise you
- Tonight.
Fair point. Point.
I'm sorry for my terrible
but insanely honest
thing I just said
- It's cool.
- We K seven.
K seven Army. The m*rder Tre
- Trash.
Alright, admit it.
It's the only holiday not
to be properly
ex*cuted cinematically.
- Can't agree with counteracts.
- And what do you got?
You got New Year's evil.
Bloody New Year sleepless
in Seattle. All hot garbage
- Ghostbusters
- Too.
Okay. No, technically
that's not a genre film.
- What? It has ghost
and demonic possession.
- It's good. They do
it from space ba*ls.
Okay, how about hero train?
Okay, one. You get the one
- First.
It's not the guy
from Space ba*ls.
Louis Tulley is the heart
of Ghostbusters by the way.
Two, did you know
that the peacock spider
wears little droplets
of water on his head to attract
his mates? Is it working?
- Maybe try a sack instead.
- You gotta hate you so much.
- Where are you going?
- Gonna to find somebody
that doesn't find me
aesthetically challenged.
- You are gonna be
here all night. Oh,
- You're a monster.
- I texted you like six
months before I got here.
- Sorry, my phone was on silent.
Hey Samantha, Lance. Okay.
You had a pretty ugly
look of his face.
- Yeah. What else is new?
- Uhoh trouble in paradise?
- Nothing. A good solid d*ck
and can't fix. I said salad
- Jokes on you.
I take s
- You take d*ck pills
and the jokes on me.
- I hope he step on a Lego.
- Let me guess. Amy had to work.
- She got asked to work a double
money's too good to pass up.
Where's your date?
- Parties here, b*tches.
- This is the part where
you saved f*ck my life.
- Pardon my Banality. Those
things are gonna k*ll you.
- Banality. - You can think
my four years at a two year
community college for that.
- You have a strange idea of
what constitutes
bragging rights.
- One of my many
hidden character flaws.
Seriously what I get two
15 minute breaks of shift.
It's almond milk. Smell it.
- Pardon me if I don't
smell your weird milk flask.
- It's it yourself.
What are we doing here?
Anyway,
- You see that office
building over there?
My niece is having a
New Year's office party.
- Oh, and you're not
on speaking terms.
- No. Leslie and I are
good. It's her mom.
I have a problem
with. Regardless.
I have a bad feeling and just
want to be here just in case.
Just in case.
What? You know that
falling sensation you get
the pit of your stomach like
something awful is gonna happen.
It's like that. So why
don't you just call her
and tell her, trust
me, this is what's best.
Stay here. I have to
go check something.
- You're giving
me cryptic orders,
you're checking your
ammunition for f*ck's sake.
What's going on? You just
don't know everything. Okay?
I need to do this alone.
What the f*ck exactly
do you have to do?
- Stay here. Drink
your almond milk.
- Oh, dammit.
Fancy meeting you here.
- Please don't touch me.
- Look, I just want talk. Okay.
- Right. And that's why every
conversation I ever ask for
to lessen thrilling sex.
- I mean, in my defense,
that's like every dude alive.
- What about when you hit
me? Is that every dude too?
- Look babe, I'm an
upgrade in every way.
- Being alone is the upgrade.
- You know, I really
don't get you.
- What part of I caught you
cheating? Are we not clear on
- I I have told you a hundred
times now. I didn't cheat.
- I found a video of
you with another girl.
I mean, who's dumb
enough to get caught
with your own security
cameras. But I didn't
- Touch her.
- You didn't tell
me about it either.
- Well, you know, we're
really good friends
and I didn't want you to say
we couldn't hang out anymore.
- You're f*cking unbelievable.
I mean, you were in a sexual
situation with another person
who was not me and you
didn't tell me about it.
One, you had the
truth. That's lying.
Two in any same person's
book that's called cheating.
- You know you seem stressed.
- Yeah. It's caused
by giving a f*ck.
- I hope you realize you
no miss perfect either.
- More gaslighting.
That's just great.
- Maybe if you hadn't
guilted me into sex, none
of this would've ever happened.
- Please cancel my
subscription to your issues.
- Did you hear any
of that? Any of what?
Good. Nancy, right?
That's right.
- Are you a beaver? Because
- Damn.
Are you a damn? Because
I am soaking wet.
- Who do you think
we're looking for?
- Someone dressed like
Halloween. You can't miss them.
- Let's just go back
to the car. Good idea.
You first and I'll
be there shortly.
- It's your funeral.
- Not tonight.
Stop right there, m*therf*cker.
You sick, son of a b*tch.
You set me up.
This ends tonight.
- Plates checkout. - Yeah, but
where the hell did they go?
- It's Flanagan. I'm telling
you, Flanagan is our guy.
- Right? Because
their lack of hard
anything tells you that, right?
- I have a damn good hunch.
- Well, hunches don't
put murderers in prison.
Evidence does. Besides
none of this adds up.
I mean, Flanagan, what calls
his partner to a warehouse
to give away the location
of a secret t*rture
laboratory. You
- Have a point.
I don't like this. Something
doesn't feel right.
- Our deal was I would go to
the warehouse to plan evidence
and you'd leave my
family out of all this.
He never said anything
about being complicit
and k*lling a room full
of innocent people.
I had to lie to the FBI.
They're going to know
if something was wrong
and my partner shows
up outta the balloon
and gets dragged into all this.
- You never called me.
You were using Flanagan.
You have to tell
me these things.
Otherwise, how
can I protect you?
- Huh? Let her go. Your
options are for you, my friend.
Now drop the knife.
- What? !sis f*ck.
You broke
- Protocol.
I don't follow. You shot
him. He attacked an officer.
We're not in the
revenge business.
Our job is to arrest the bad
- Guy.
Swear to God, Wes, you're
gonna die a f*cking girl scout.
You know that.
- Ah,
hey man.
The doctor is in
- sh*t.
f*ck. I'm sorry. Holy crap.
Seriously, I did not mean
to scare you like that
- It it's New Year's Eve.
I guess we're all
entitled to one good scare
- That checks.
- I guess I'm just
a little jumpy
after what happened last night.
- I'm not even gonna ask.
You're just gonna tell me.
- Okay, let's get Brian first.
I want him to hear this too.
- Everything okay?
- Yes and no.
Actually, there's no better way
to describe what happened.
But I think I was being
stalked last night
- By someone in all
black, like a, like a
- Crow costume, a plague.
Doctor. Me too. Only
I wasn't stocked.
I was f*cking chased.
Like horror movie style.
Just two nights ago.
- Another one. - Only if
it comes with your number.
- Aw, you've had enough
- Suit yourself.
You could had a ride in
the red Miata. Hey Romeo,
- I hope you weren't
planning on driving.
- Pretty some kind
of f*cking cop. Yes.
I see what's going on here.
You're more of a geo
prism kind of gal.
Officer, you have a good night.
I'm hoping it gets much
better. Spoiler alert.
He's talking about
begging you hard.
Stupid chair. Anyway.
Bench. Please.
f*ck my a*s. Dude, you trying
to gimme a heart attack.
I like the costumey.
Very nineties.
Straight to video horror.
Well thanks for the jump scare,
but I'm gonna go home now.
Hey man. Hey, seriously,
dude, there's a cop in there.
I'm not afraid to scream
like a girl. No offense.
I wanna buy you a
toaster for your bathtub.
- Hello. Please don't k*ll me.
- No worries kid. I
ate the paperwork.
Are you drunk and high?
Okay, how's about I
give you a ride home?
I don't think you
need to be driving.
- Most of the time I'd
tell a cop hell no.
But tonight is your lucky night.
You didn't see him. See who?
Whoever the f*ck, the
only m*therf*cker dressed
like a turn in the century.
West Craven villain.
- Oh, not up front.
Get in the back.
Seriously force. So have it.
- Listen, thanks for
the ride and everything,
but I hope you fall down with
your hands in your pockets.
Aye y Back of the
- Cop car.
Hard a*s.
- Are you still waiting
for your other party?
- She should be here in a
- Minute.
- You don't look close.
- Please don't be
- Angry.
That means you're the
furthest thing from close.
- Issa called in sick. Doug
had a death in the family.
- No, I get it.
- You hate me.
- Admittedly, I'm
disappointed, but I understand.
- So you aren't mad.
- Not so long as you
make it up to me later.
And by that I mean
- I know what you mean.
Well played
- And try to make
it good this time.
- So no rest for the wicked.
- Get back to it.
Don't worry about me.
I'll just be at
home. Lubricating
myself with my tears.
- I don't know what
that means exactly,
but it still kind
of turned me on.
- I love you sweetheart.
- I love you too, baby.
- Nice
- f*cking ghost town out here.
- f*ck
somebody help me.
f*ck.
- Have you told your uncle?
- He's too busy running around,
catching real criminals.
The guy barely gets any sleep.
Last time I saw him was, I
don't know, Thanksgiving.
Maybe he was
stressed to the max.
Damn near ready to
blow his brains out.
- Well, I know what you did last
- Summer.
This is serious. Someone is
watching us, following us.
You got chased.
- I make jokes when I'm scared.
- I must be scared a lot.
- Fair
- Point.
- Can't believe it man.
It's great. It's great.
Oh look, now I need a
new patient. h* h* h*.
I get the reference.
We're on holiday.
- I asked Elma cost.
- Mm, hold on. I've got an idea.
I'm gonna get Ned
in on this. Ned my
- Boyfriend.
Good. The bluest f*cking
ba*ls known to man.
- Don't worry, he's his
blowjobs are next level.
Okay, warm yourself
up. I'll be right back.
Is he hot? Well he eats
a*s like a porn star.
He is on his way and he is
bringing the fruit roll-ups.
sh*t. Where'd he go?
- This party's - Officially
dead. No way in hell.
It's a coincidence that we
all saw the same person. Your
- Powers of deduction
are staggering.
- I'll just suck it up
and call my uncle first
thing tomorrow morning.
But in the meantime, we
should try and have some fun.
I don't wanna ring the new
year. An anxiety fueled mess.
- I'm gonna hit the
head. Do you want
something that's
really on your mind?
- I'm not following
- Early.
When you came outta
the bathroom, I
noticed you seem upset.
I'm not an idiot. I've got
eyes in the back of my face.
- You are a wealth of poorly
constructed allegories.
- I fully realize that
I'm the comic relief.
I'm just one throwaway
joke after another.
What I'm trying to say
is, Brian's not the
only one that cares about you.
If you ever need
to talk, I'm here.
- Contrary to how I treat
you sometimes I don't think
anything about you is throw away
- That it means a
lot to hear out loud.
- You should show this side of
yourself to people
more often. I like it.
- You like it enough
to be my first
kiss for New Year's? I mean,
- Wow,
- That was bold.
I've had like so many kisses.
Like a lot of kisses. I mean
- To promise that inevitable
STDs. That's your play.
- Okay. I've got a lot
more to offer than herpes.
- Is this real life?
- You might need
to call your uncle a bit sooner.
Maybe This is a joke.
- Long holiday.
- Ugh. Party
- Who do not go in there.
What the f*ck? I've only been
gone for like three minutes.
- Oh sh*t. Oh sh*t.
- Go I, I'll find you guys.
f*ck. Okay, let,
- Let's go.
f*ck
son of a b*tch.
- f*ck I make
barricading doors look
so much easier in the movies.
Ned, Ned, Ned. We need
to make a phone call
- That's not here.
Help if you leave a message
to get back to you or
- Ask
- Beep.
- Mr. Dugan made you
collect everyone's cell
phones. Where are they?
- Dude, I'm so wasted.
I couldn't even tell you
where my house was
with baby on it.
- Listen, you cheese
d*ck Rumple foreskin
- Butt Knuckler.
- Oh,
- Oh.
Spicy nachos.
- Hey girl. - Where did you
find that ridiculous thing?
- I don't know. I just
thought it might work for you.
- Does nausea count? - I mean,
in some parts of the world,
vomit is used as a lubricant.
So no kink shame if
it's doing it for you.
- Did you always wear glasses?
- What? I'm c*ck. Can
we not talk about that?
And let's talk about what
this is doing for you.
Doing, doing anything.
- Oh sh*t.
What the f*ck is this sh*t?
- Hit your double hockey sticks.
Oh my God, Ruth, I'm so sorry.
- Oh well lucky for me you
hit like a Keebler elf.
- I thought you were someone
else. What are you doing here,
- John?
He didn't come home last night.
He's been talking
about this stupid
office party for months
now. So here I am.
- How did you get in
- The front door?
What's going on?
Where is everybody?
- People have been m*rder*d
- But not John.
- No, don't worry. He
wasn't k*lled here.
- What? - I mean, I'm sure
he's fine. Just somewhere else.
- I Hey, you just,
I don't wait. What?
I don't I Wait.
Hey, those are nott there
Before obviously, oh, I'm sorry.
Did I just punch
you in the face?
In my defense, this is
not exactly the best night
to go sneaking up on people.
You know, if I didn't
go to church, this is
where I'd tell
you to eat my a*s.
My friend Moses goes to church
and I know for a fact he
would definitely eat an a*s.
Oh good. Thanks. Let's this way.
- Oh. Oh, what the f*ck?
Oh, I'm sorry you scared me
and I just found Nick and Nancy
and it was awful.
- I know they're
terrible people.
- What? No. I mean yes
but no, they're dead.
- Right? Oh, are we not
gonna talk about the fact
that my face is
broken? I mean, Mr.
- Dugan did say you were a
little busted. So could somebody
- Just
- Grab
- A
- Chair and break a window
- Already?
We can't. They're
shatterproof. Mr.
Dugan just had all the windows
replaced last fall. I know.
'cause I was in charge
of putting in the order
and I had to get the
toughest one they had.
And there's no not
even a f*cking tank in
that threw these windows go.
Darn it. Can we get
a f*cking break?
- You are gonna drive
me crazy doing that.
- It helps me think,
- f*ck it.
Let's just go.
- What about him?
- Well come back for him if time
or karma allows.
- Sure.
- Wait, where's your weapon?
- I am the weapon
- My hero.
- Look, there's something
I want you to know
before we go out there.
- You are gonna tell me that
I'm the first thing you think
of when you wake
up in the morning
and you love the smile
that I try and hide
whenever you say like a
stupid or offensive joke.
You love how strong I am,
how compassionate I am.
And you've been wanting
to tell me for six years,
but you haven't been able
to muster up the courage.
- I I thought you liked Brian.
So it just never
felt appropriate.
- You should have
told me sooner.
- Hold on. That speech was
frighteningly specific.
How did you know?
Don't change the subject.
- You left your phone on my
desk one day. sh*t. Stupid
- Phone.
- What are we doing? Looking
for a knife, a, a g*n?
Anything that can
be used as a weapon.
- Wait, what happened
to the baseball bat?
- I dropped it
- When I
- Got scared.
- I'm not finding
anything. No way.
Please tell me you found a
g*n. Oh, whose office is this?
Look at this gut buster.
It's like a mammoth
- Tooth.
Look at it.
- How is that supposed to help?
- I,
- I dunno.
Samantha, watch out. Go a
dildo, c*ck smoker.
It's
- Me.
It's me. Dude. Almost nailed
you. I see what you did there.
I'm a pretty funny guy. Yikes.
- 1301 spot. Us Wood lane.
The the the office building
in the old warehouse district.
Yes. The one where
homeless people are
caught having sex all the time.
- Holy sh*t. She got through.
Thank God for antiquated tech.
- Yes. I think everyone
else is dead m*rder*d.
We don't know they're
wearing a mask. Okay.
Will do. Thank you. We're
trapped. So please hurry.
- What'd they say?
- She told us to stay put.
- What do you mean trapped?
- f*ck
- My a*s.
- sh*t. Oh sh*t.
Calling Dr. f*ck face.
Moses. What the f*ck?
You were supposed to
catch it. Stop helping.
Thanks.
- Take these and get the
f*ck out. We can all get out.
There's no time. That
m*therf*cker is strong.
All right, now you go get the
cops. We will hold 'em here.
- You're not making any sense.
- I'm not leaving Brian
here to die alone. Now go.
Your medical license
has been revoked.
- Ah, f*ck.
- Ah, go. We can't
hold him along.
- I can't just leave you guys.
- We're
- Dead meat. You don't have
- To be f*ck this m*therf*cker.
Don't be stupid Les.
Get the f*ck outta here.
It's okay. It's okay police.
It's okay. It's okay.
- Where are my friends?
- All survivors are being taken
to Owensboro Memorial.
- Did you catch him?
Whoever did all this
- I only saw you, man.
Were you first on
scene? That's right.
She came around the corner
like a bad outta of hell
that passed outta my arms.
It's probably from a mixture
of exhaustion and fear.
- I don't doubt it. f*cking
blood bath in there.
- Still searching the
building for survivors.
But all we're
finding here bodies.
We did find one other, but he's
hung over something fierce.
None of the men want
to get near him.
Looker smells like bean and
bacon soup. Yeah, I got it.
Oh, I get one out for a homie.
- Oh f*ck.
- Are you on any medication sir?
I mean like a little,
A little cocaine.
We checked around the entire
building. Looks like of anyway.
- Six son of a b*tch.
We've done this.
It's probably long gone
before we got here where
- We did this and
not be done yet.
- Hey, is this a hangout
or a crime scene? Let's go.
Let's go. Is this
Nigel Foxville?
No, they won't let me have that.
I did at a fish show one time.
It had a big balloon and it
was just f*cking awesome.
Made my wiener go.
We guard pushed
- Those guys back into their
locker zone on the perimeter.
- Dr. Fears, you have
a call on nine six
- Or do you want
- Her
- Put her in six?
- All your sexy
ones go in six, huh?
- We on ice bedside manners.
- Really. Dr. Am please.
Page extension 1428. Thank you
wi honor of the 1958 p Fury.
Hardtop. Please move it from the
- Hey, Dr.
Fierce. Thank the
Lord you're here.
We are so understaffed tonight.
EMS just brought this one in.
Mostly contusions,
a few abrasions.
We may have to
call psych to talk
to them about what had happened.
In the meantime, would you
mind checking them out for me?
Thank you,
- Boy.
Hey Doc, you've got
that. Good sh*t.
I'm gonna need it
lawyer right now.
Oh f*ck. Sew it that way.
Hey, and I'm a survivor too.
- Come and get me. m*therf*cker.
- I drugs. f*cking stupid
party was bullshit.
The beer suck ba*ls
- And it's you
to Yeah.
The doctor is in clocks down
as he's lurk through
making his decision.
Sadistic. Precision.
It's new.
The ball has dropped
now it's midnight.
Run out better get outta sight.
You can
no matter what.
You try to,
it's new.
- It's.
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New Fears Eve (2025)
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