03x01 - Ex...pecting

[bunniefuu]

[Camille] Last
season on Harlem...

Everybody's got that one person
they built their lives out for.

- For me, it's...
- For me, that's you.

We did the blow-up.
Do you wanna rebuild?

[Angie] I am falling
for him so hard.

That's Michael.

My mom tried to fix us
up and said that we'd be,

like, a perfect match.

And now he's with you?

What is that supposed to mean?

What is that supposed to mean?

In my career, I
know what I want.

And you made it very clear
that that is not at Columbia.

I'm gonna fulfill my
contractual commitment,

and then after that, I must go.

[Tye] I'm trying to be more
open to something real.

But while I'm looking
for Mrs. Right,

I can still f*ck
like Ms. Wrong.

Ian and Camille are
done with the drama.

Hm.

Oh, no.

[both] Drama returns.

I don't know if I can have kids.

Cami, sh*t!

[Quinn] Isabela dumped me.

Why won't anyone love me?

So you're g*y now?

I'm still trying to
figure it out, OK?

[Angie] There are a lot of
reasons to be with Mike.

Quinn is too big of
a reason to not be.

How is Angie?

I haven't spoken to her
since she broke up with me.

She said that you come first.

Look, I'm in love with her.

Camille, what did you do?

It's like every time
something is going so good,

I just have to mess it up.

Why all the self-sabotaging?

What is he doing here?

He is waiting for
his girlfriend.

Will you marry me?

[Tye] We are reaching out to
the polyamorous community,

and I am launching
Q's sister site, P.

Tye?

What are you doing here?

Zoe, sorry we woke you.

Tye, how do you know my mom?

I have spent so much of my life

trying to be whoever
someone interested in me

wanted me to be.

But I need to figure
out who I actually am.

To Camille and her
Black Joy exhibit.

To an amazing opening reception.

I don't know if I'm
ready to let her go.

My work is changing.

And this is the baby
I want, maybe forever.

Being a father, that's my dream.

I ain't ready to give that up.

We came all this
way to say goodbye?

[doctor] You're totally fine.

And so is your baby.

[upbeat music]

[Camille] In many
cultures, there are rituals

for the sole purpose
of providing closure,

saying a final goodbye.

In saying goodbye,
we make a clean break

to make room for new
opportunities, new life.

All right.

The rest of your stuff.

Yeah.

You know, I could have
just came by and got these.

I know.

It was arm day at the
gym anyway, you know.

Heavy a*s books gave me a
little early head start.

Pumping that iron. [chuckles]

Mm.

So you said it was arm day.

Yeah, what? They
look small to you?

No, they look healthy.

- Bigger?
- Yeah.

Mm.

Wait, wait! Wait.

- What?
- Right.

We said we can't
be together, right?

- Yeah.
- Right, yeah, OK.

But just because we can't
be together, be together

doesn't mean we can't...

I mean, we're still human.

We are.

We could just be
purely physical.

Like cardio.

Yeah, so all those in
favor of ex sex, say aye.

Aye.

Hey, hey.

[chuckling]

Yeah.

[singer] ♪ He like
that color on my lips ♪

♪ Terracotta, yeah ♪

[Camille] But what happens
when there's no room for new

because that goodbye is
neither clean nor final?

[singer] ♪ He like
that color on my lips ♪

♪ Terracotta, yeah ♪

♪ Hacienda, hacienda ♪

♪ Tell me it's mine
forever, mine forever ♪

♪ I can teach you
everything you don't know ♪

♪ That you don't know ♪

[Camille] Sometimes
goodbye takes a while.

It can take days, weeks...

months, even.

[singer] ♪ He like that color
on my lips, terracotta, yeah ♪

♪ He said, whoa, I
got too much drip ♪

♪ Water-water, yeah ♪♪

[moaning]

[both panting]

Hmm, mm.

Goddang.

[chuckles]

I'm hungry.

Yeah, that tracks.

Yeah.

Should we get something to eat?

Oh, sh*t. I gotta go.

It's later than I thought.

I'm meeting, uh...

someone.

Oh.

I'm just...

I'm seeing some... I'm
seeing some people.

Plural?

- Some people.
- Yeah.

Wow. OK.

Well, that's...
that's cool for you.

Wow.

Yeah.

So who are these people?

You said we weren't
gonna do all that.

Right. No, we did say

that we're not gonna
talk about specifics

of each other's situations.

Yeah.

[clears throat]

Well, I am gonna
get in the shower.

All right, I'ma hop
in the shower too.

Well, back at my place.

- Not here with you.
- Right.

I'm saying I'ma go
home and shower.

No, yeah, I mean, you
should probably shower

alone at home if you're
gonna meet people.

[laughs]

Yeah, so I'm gonna do that.

Yeah, but, you know, I could...

I could go again
later, you know,

if you're not still
out with people.

I can swing back later
on and get you right.

[both chuckle]

- [grunts]
- [clears throat]

[soft music]

[laughs]

[singer] ♪ Nobody f*ck
me like you ever could ♪

♪ I ain't had it
in a long time ♪

♪ Well, we're on time,
let me f*ck you ♪

♪ Love me from moonshine ♪

♪ To your morning wood ♪

[line ringing, beeping]

[Ian] Hey, leave
it at the beep.

[beep]

Hi, Ian.

Um, it's been two months
since I've been waiting

for you to come back
and get me right.

You can't have ex sex
without the sex or the ex.

[laughs] Yeah, call me back.

And sometimes you're
left wondering

if goodbye is
masquerading as silence.

[sighs]

[singer] ♪ Blow my back out ♪

♪ Show and act out ♪

[camera shutter clicks]

♪ But you beat it up
like I'm your enemy ♪

- Yeah.
- [message blips]

[singer] ♪ Wet the floor, no ♪

♪ But I miss the way... ♪

Should I have done that?

No.

Why did I do that?
Why did I do that?

- Why isn't he answering?
- [phone dings]

Oh, oh, oh. OK, OK. OK.

[singer] ♪ Love me
from moonshine ♪

♪ To your morning wood ♪♪

Seriously?

- [phone rings]
- [gasps] Oh, wow.

Hey, Dr. Pruitt.

Yeah, yeah, I could be
there in 30 minutes.

[laughs] Nothing.

[upbeat music]

OK, bye.

♪ ♪

OK, so it's not done yet,

but just a few tiny alterations,

and then it's perfect.

f*ck me.

How do you make me look
even better every time?

Oh, you are kind.

Oh, Quinn, I am really not.

[laughs]

I'm glad you like it.

You just make sure that you
tell your friends about me.

Eventually.

This will be ready
by next week, right?

Absolutely.

Perfect.

Do you have Daddy's card?

Yeah, I, um...

I've been meaning to ask you,

is this your daddy,
like your father,

or is it like your zaddy?

No biological ties.

He's just someone who
knows how special I am.

But no feelings, just fun...

and all on his expense account.

I like where your head is.

Yeah?

OK.

Well, then tomorrow
night, make yourself free.

It's a leftovers
party at my place.

Very exclusive.

Oh, I don't know about
a party full of exes.

If that's the case,
your place better fit

half of the men of
Manhattan and one woman.

No, no exes.

Just a few non-crazy
single friends

that you can
personally vouch for.

Ooh, fun.

I have a couple of friends
that fit that bill.

OK, perfect.

Then I'll text you the deets.

Good.

You know, I'm making you rich.

Yeah, let's see if I
can find you a daddy.

[laughs]

Zaddy.

[laughs]

[hip-hop music]

[singer] ♪ Make it
rain, I want the rice ♪

♪ Whips, chains, Birkins ♪

♪ Diamond rings,
[indistinct], more rings... ♪♪

Ah, thank you for
being so prompt.

Thank you for
actually inviting me.

Well, look at us.

It's a day of firsts.

Yeah.

And speaking of firsts, I
have to tell you I was wrong.

Do you remember a while
back, we were here,

and I told you I didn't think
you were ready for tenure?

Yeah.

I was wrong.

You have no idea how
happy that makes me.

And you don't know
how uncomfortable

those tears make me.

Ugh.

- Oh.
- No.

- Oh.
- Oh.

OK. Girl, you
need to sit down.

- OK. OK.
- Just sit.

Oh!

So does that mean
you're staying?

Oh, no, I got to go.

Well, that means I got
to take my hug back.

You know, I hate hugging people.

I have really, really enjoyed
my time here at Columbia.

You know, but I
need a clean break.

I need to grow. I
need to graduate.

But the time that I have
spent working with you

has been one of
my greatest joys.

[chuckles] One.

One of your greatest joys?

Yes, except for when you
threw me out the house, well.

You know what? I'm gonna
take that compliment.

And I'm gonna say thank you.

And I'll be here if you need me.

Could I need you to write
the foreword for my book?

[gasps]

I got the first installment
in my advance yesterday,

and I cannot tell you
how good it feels.

Congratulations.
I've been there.

Yes, absolutely, I
will do that for you.

Yes! OK.

Have you settled on a subject?

Musings on Dating

from a Modern Black
Anthropologist.

I mean, it's like musings...

That's not the title, right?

I mean, I thought
it was very catchy.

You're gonna have to change that

if I'm gonna write the foreword.

OK.

So is this goodbye?

Uh, to Columbia, but
you're stuck with me.

What a pity.

You're gonna be stuck with me.

Yeah, I... I know.

[laughs] Oh, ooh!

Yeah, you know what?

[soft music]

Everyone loved your idea for P.

It's one of the best pitches
we've seen in a while.

Really?

Like, really?

Like, yeah. [laughs]

I'm sorry. I mean,
I just thought

your company was
the longest shot.

I mean, I am asking for
quite a bit of money,

and y'all don't usually
invest in this type of thing.

True, but your idea
is not just brilliant.

We need to support tech
by more people of color.

They have to be sick of me
saying that in meetings,

which is why it was so
refreshing to hear your pitch.

You know P is a
dating app, right?

You know as much as I
do how important it is

to create safe online
and real life spaces

for q*eer people of color.

Your work isn't just
political. It's necessary.

You're pretty incredible, Tye.

Wow.

I don't know what to
say, except thank you.

Don't thank me yet.

I mean, I'm pretty sure
I can push this through,

but I'm just waiting
on the final signoff.

I was dead-a*s wrong.

Was sure you brought me
here to say it was a no,

but didn't want to make
a scene in the office.

But I prefer a
scene in the café?

Maybe that was a bad idea too.

- [both laugh]
- No, rejections are on email.

No chance of a scene there.

But, um, I can't imagine

you have much experience
getting rejected.

So thank you for the
update. [chuckles]

This coffee is good.

Coffee is good.

So are c*ck.

Tomorrow night?

Um, I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm not currently dating.

I'm doing the whole solo
lady thing for a while.

What? Oh. [laughs]

No, no, I wasn't... no.

I... [laughs]

Tomorrow, the team and I

usually grab a drink
after work at Antico.

You know, the
little Italian place

in the lobby of our building?

No carbon footprint.

We're already there.

Also, if those aren't the
best damn breadsticks.

I'm sorry if I assumed that.

No, no, I'm sorry.

I just thought you
wanted to get in

some face time with the team.

Yeah, well, maybe I'll swing by.

Love some team face time.

That sounded vaguely dirty.

Vague is my favorite
kind of dirt.

I'm sorry, Mike, but
I'm still saying no.

After all I just did for you?

You left it all on
the field for sure.

You were the quarterback,
the running back,

and you let me throw it back.

But I'm still saying
no to getting married

in some banquet
room in some hotel.

It's a duplex penthouse
at the Waldorf.

Yes, but it's, you know, me.

And after seeing
Renaissance a third time,

oh, we have to
rethink everything.

So you keep saying, but
I don't know a priest

who's gonna wanna
have backup dancers.

Mm, a smart one.

But we've only been
engaged a few months.

Can't we enjoy it
before planning?

Baby, you know New York
and weddings, right?

Everything good is
booked for years.

Oh, damn the gays. [chuckles]

The moment they could do it,
everything good got scooped up.

Could you at least

look at the options my
assistant sent over?

Sure.

But I'm not trying to
think about that right now.

What are you thinking
about right now?

[singer] ♪ Put it on
me if you want to ♪

d*ck. And the D.

The D and the d*ck
morning, noon, and night

is all I think about.

I'm turning into Angie.

Who just bailed on us again!

I hate when women
abandon plans for a man,

which is to say, I hate old me.

But, you know, we
really can't blame her,

because she is getting the D.

All of a sudden, Ian is
really busy with work,

so I sexted him, you know,

the lady equivalent of a
d*ck pic, the cl*t pic.

All I got back was a thumbs up.

I thought that you
were finally moving on.

I did.

I moved.

It's just sex.

But it's still just
Ian and no one else.

Yes, but with Ian,
there is no surprises.

I mean, he knows my body.

I don't have to
teach him anything.

He texts, he comes,
we come, he goes.

Postmates for p*nis.

Exactly!

And I don't have to worry
about getting, like,

super gonorrhea from some rando.

OK, since you're
asking for advice...

- I am?
- [Tye] She wasn't.

I think it's time
to decenter dicks

and focus on us.

The smartest thing
I ever did was

put loving myself ahead of
obsessing over my love life.

Oh?

And you know what I realized?

I'm dope as hell.

Yes! Yes!

Talk your sh*t!

You're Quinn
Motherfuckin' Joseph.

I'm Quinn Motherfuckin'
Joseph, b*tch!

Yes!

And now that I know that, I
can focus on fully being me.

Mm-hmm.

That sounds amazing,

but who's gonna lick my p*ssy?

[Tye] Exactly.

I mean, I would k*ll
for some good head.

Hell, even some mediocre head,

but Tye's celiba-season
continues.

Two months, three
weeks, and counting.

I do not know how you've been
celibate for this many months.

Tye, how do you know my mom?

How do you know my daughter?

Realizing you're sleeping with
your girlfriend's daughter

does wonders for self-control.

Mm, self-control
or self-punishment?

Why is she dragging
us to the Red Table?

Tye, you made a mistake.

What is being
celibate going to do?

Make me better.

I mean, if I wasn't
just trying to get laid,

I would have never
messed with Zoe.

And I wouldn't have
ruined things with Aimee.

- Mm.
- I really liked Aimee.

I liked her too, until
she called me a clown

and kindly asked me

to stop terrorizing
women all over Harlem.

Ooh.

[Tye] We could
have had something.

Quitting sex is not gonna
magically change you.

For the record, I
prefer messy Quinn.

I'm just saying.

Try being honest
and open for love.

Negative. If I'm being honest,

I would be face-deep
in this chick Eva

I had lunch with earlier.

Ooh.

She is fine, and I think
she was feeling me.

I mean, who isn't?

And I'm saying I think
you should go for it.

And I'm saying no, I shouldn't.

Listen, if I'm gonna
f*ck it up with a woman,

it's not gonna f*ck with my bag.

I mean, maybe if I
was broke and single

and had nothing to
lose like Camille,

I'd be scrolling
through my old work too,

trying to find a temporary hit.

But no.

You're lucky I only
heard half of that

through all of my chewing
of these fantastic fries.

[Tye] Ooh. Well, b*tch,
you better swallow now.

Your old work is here.

[Quinn] Ooh, what
are the odds?

Like, 100%... something
opens in Harlem,

and you know everybody's
gonna be there.

Ian! Ian!

[Tye] Oh, well. [chuckles]

Let me tell you,
Ian with a new boo

was not on my bingo
card for this year.

No, no, no, no, no.
It's not a new boo.

That's Portia.

She's probably only in
town for the weekend.

They grew up together.

She's literally like a sister.

What?

[dramatic music]

She ain't kiss him
like she his sister.

I mean, maybe she's just

making sure she's
not his sister.

b*tch.

OK, OK, OK.

- You know what?
- [Quinn] Camille.

Real classy, Ian.

It was just supposed
to be no-drama ex sex,

but you made it weird.

Just wave, f*cking
f*ck as*h*le.

Uh... uh... uh, maybe count
to five before you press Send.

[message blips]

- It's too late. sh*t.
- [Tye gasps]

How about this?

The two of you guys release
the drama of the past

and come with me to a
leftovers party tomorrow night.

Yeah, no.

I am locking myself inside

and never coming out ever again.

f*cking phone autocorrected
"ex sex" to "Ex-Lax."

- [Tye laughs]
- Which you know what?

It's still fitting, considering
he's so full of sh*t!

- OK.
- OK, I'm gonna take that,

and you are coming to the party.

Don't get us kicked
out of this place.

It just opened.

[upbeat music]

[Quinn] Girl, please
just admit it.

The only reason that
you're here tonight

is because Michael had
somewhere else to go.

Girl, admit how much
you are happy to see me.

- I am.
- And I thought you liked Mike.

I do.

You almost f*cked him at
one point until I won.

[laughs] Girl, please.

It's just ever since you
moved out, we rarely see you.

I know. I'm sorry.

We just love each other.

Mm.

But consider me sat
in next week's brunch.

OK.

And Saturday for girls'
night at the club?

I will be there.

And I'll look even better
than I do right now,

if that's even possible.

You do look good.

Y'all, this girl Lala's
bathroom is the size

of an airplane
hangar, and she's got

one of those Japanese toilets
that blow water up your cooch.

You don't need
batteries for that.

Mm, and I know what
I'll be doing later.

- Same.
- OK?

Oh, and I know who one of
you will be doing later.

Oh.

OK, so to recap,
this b*tch has money

and some fine-a*s friends.

Spoken like a true bride-to-be.

Looking is not cheating.

Look at this.

Look who finally decided to
grace me with his response.

[all] f*cking Ian.

Oh, my God. And
it's a voice memo?

That's never good.

Girl, we are in a
sea of elite c*ck.

- f*ck Ian.
- That's the problem, girl.

- She did.
- Touché.

I need to go somewhere where
I can actually hear this.

- Don't judge me.
- Millie, no.

Girl, do better.

I mean, honestly,
are we destined

to remain in the Ian
and Camille drama

for the rest of our lives?

- What do you think?
- I'm gonna say no.

Like, I really want
to say no, but alas.

My, my, my.

Does Johnny Gill have a
younger, hotter brother?

Hi.

And bye.

Girl, when they're that
small, they just lay there

like a starfish
and make you work.

Oh, my God.

And he has a serious
case of the smallcox.

Does he really? How
can you tell that?

Yeah, it's all about the
ratio from foot to leg.

And... nah, b*tch, I f*cked him.

[laughter]

Quinn, there you are.

Have you met my friend Seth?

I have not.

Um, it's a pleasure.

The pleasure is mine.

We have edibles at the bar.

Oh, is that a statement
or an invitation?

It doesn't matter. I'm down.

[chuckles]

I feel like I got a
small window of time

to win you over before
somebody else does.

So you want to win me?

I mean, I'd like to try.

You look like a prize to me.

- Really?
- Yeah.

How so?

It's your eyes.

Sexy, smoldering, genuine.

What's your sign?

I'm a Cancer.

Cancer.

What?

I love Cancers.

Somehow knowing how
not to give a f*ck

about anything
while simultaneously

giving a f*ck about everything.

[laughs]

OK, you are very,
very good at this.

That mean I'm winning?

It means the window opened
up just a little bit more.

Yes!

Go, best friend.
That's my best friend.

Ooh!

[Ian] All right, first
of all, I don't have to

say hi to you every
time I see you.

And I didn't even see you.

And let your friends know
they don't gotta give me

a death stare if
I'm kissing someone.

We're not together
anymore, remember?

[line beeps]

b*tch, you just said
that you ain't see me.

[keys clacking, line ringing]

h*-h*, and now you're
sending me to voicemail? OK.

First of all, don't start a
message with "first of all,"

because that's
inflammatory language,

which basically
means that you're

trying to start some sh*t.

f*ck. Record. OK.

Hi, Ian. I just
want you to know...

f*ck!

Because it's a problem.

Because the way he
acts is a problem.

Oh, it's still record...

You know what, Ian? f*ck you.

I can just tell him to his face

'cause I'm going to his house,
and I'ma tell him to his face.

An MLB player at
a leftovers party.

Now, that is new.

Well, it's Lala's
leftover party,

which mean everybody in here

been vetted within a
inch of their lives.

That is true. [laughs]

You must be one of
her new friends.

Pretty new.

So you think we could
be new friends too?

- Maybe.
- Maybe?

Like, maybe as in you don't
know you feeling me yet?

'Cause I could step my game
up for the right woman.

Well, step it up, then!

[both laugh]

No, um, I feel like

I'm in a place in my life
where I'm focused on myself.

I'm down to have fun,

but just the kind that has
no pretenses, no labels,

no strings attached.

I'm like you.

I don't really wanna be
tied down to one person.

Well, that is perfect,

because I don't want
anyone tying me down.

Mm.

I might want somebody
to tie me up, though.

See, we can arrange that.

[♪ Floyd Fuji: "Saturday"]

[singer] ♪ It's a 9 to 5 ♪

- [message dings]
- [sighs]

Damn.

[singer] ♪ For you and
I to get it right ♪♪

[grunting]

[exhales]

[sighs]

[humming catchy tune]

It's eight damn
o'clock, and I'm in bed?

One drink won't hurt. [laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

[Eva] And everyone has
excelled in the office,

especially you.

- Eva.
- [Eva] One sec.

Tye.

Hey.

[laughs]

Did they call you already?

Who?

Business affairs.

We're officially in.

No.

Just pretend to be surprised
when they call you next week.

Oh, fake surprise
is my specialty.

[gasps] That's great.

Wow, I'm stunned!

[laughter]

Seriously, Eva, thank you.

Oh, no, it wasn't me.

It was you.

Your pitch, your
great track record...

that did it.

I just gave them
the push for them

to do what they knew was right.

And now I get to work
with another Black woman.

How lucky am I?

I feel the same.

And I owe you an apology.

I'm sorry if I made
you feel uncomfortable.

I was flirting, which
I never do at work.

You're just so overwhelming
in all the best ways.

I got caught up, and, um,
I thought I felt a vibe.

Oh, you definitely
did. [laughs]

But I have to be honest.

I am one big red flag

with a side of mess.

[laughs] Who isn't?

Oh, no, I'm a special
kind of toxic.

In fact, I am the star
of that site, SheBToxic.

I also just recently got
a divorce from my husband,

who I abandoned
for over 10 years,

and had a breakup with a
woman once we found out that

my jump-off was her daughter.

Yeah, it's like a Maury episode.

So, um, you seem amazing,

but I don't wanna
f*ck your life up.

Babe, it's just a drink.

Always starts out that way.

Then bam, hot mess.

So don't get messy.

Easier said than done.

Mm, nah, I don't think so.

It's just... you make
a different choice.

Mm.

Let me get you a drink.

I'm buying.

[banging on door]

[mellow music]

Ugh.

[laughing]

Camille.

Wow, um, hi.

Hi.

Wow, Portia, you look great.

It's been a long time.

We should hang.

Hey, is Ian there?

Um, is everything OK?

Yeah, you know, he's just
not answering his phone.

- Oh.
- We could talk...

It's on, so...

Oh! Hi, Ian.

Hey.

There he is.

I'll be in a sec, baby.

Yeah. Good night.

It's good to see you, girl.

[Portia] Yep.

Girl, showing up like this
unannounced isn't cool.

And neither the f*ck is
your wack-a*s voice memo

and your thumbs up to my cl*t.

OK, I knew it.

I knew you wasn't gonna
be able to handle this.

[laughing] Oh, please.

OK, you know what?

That's so crazy that it
needs three syllables...

nih-ih-gah, puh-lease.

This is not about me
not handling something.

You were the one
who's acting weird

and acting like
you didn't see me.

Yeah, well, I see you now.

Well, yeah!

Since you here, you
should probably know

I'm seeing Portia now.

OK, the rules.

I don't need to know
who you're f*cking.

It's different.

I mean, we're exclusive.

I mean, it's serious.

[scoffs]

Really, Ian?

After two months?

Yeah, when people
know what they want,

things move kind of quick.

Why waste time?

So is that what I was doing?

Wasting your time?

I'm just saying, since
Portia came back to Harlem,

we clicked, like, on
a different level.

You know, we grew up together.

Things are different with us.

We're starting a
life together now.

Well, good for you, Ian.

But couldn't you have
just maybe told me

instead of leaving me hanging,

waiting for me to see you

with your tongue down
someone else's throat?

Camille, we're
not even together.

I don't know what you
want from me, all right?

But if you showed up
just to hear it from me,

then here it is: we're done.

We're done.

Sexting, ex sexing, or whatever.

OK.

All right.

- I could do you one better.
- [phone beeps]

- You blocked!
- Mm.

- Blocked!
- All right, Camille.

as*h*le.

[Seth] Damn.

Dressed already?

I'm almost offended.

Did I not deliver on
the fun last night?

Oh, you delivered,
and then some.

It's just that I have
a full day ahead,

so coffee?

Definitely.

Thank you.

[phone ringing]

sh*t.

Yo.

Lost? What do you
mean, it's lost?

How the f*ck am I supposed to
get dressed for the ceremony?

Did you call Carli?

Straight to voicemail?

Look, keep calling her.

And let me know as soon
as you get her, all right?

[sighs]

f*ck!

OK.

Sounds like someone might
need a little space.

My bad, Quinn.

I didn't mean to
blow up like that.

I'm going to the ESPYs tonight.

The garment bag my
stylist sent to the hotel

is somehow missing, and
she's nowhere to be found.

If only there were, like,

a million men's clothing
stores in New York.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, see, I don't shop.

That's why I hired Carli.

She knows my sizes.

All my suits are
custom-made to fit.

OK.

How about this?

Call Bergdorf and ask for
personal shopper Jessica.

Only Jessica because the
others are way too slow,

and they're not very good
with darker skin tones.

Give her your hotel information.

She's gonna get
your measurements,

pull a few options, and
then I will alter anything

so that it fits you like custom.

And this doesn't mess up the
whole no-strings-attached,

fun-only thing?

Well, here's the thing.

I am a designer, so
fashion is fun for me.

And consider it a thank you,

you know, for the
orgasm last night?

It's been a long time
since a woman surprised me.

Well, that's just it.
I'm not just any woman.

I'm Quinn Motherfuckin' Joseph.

[Camille] Saying goodbye
isn't always to others.

It can also be to
who we used to be.

And it is in this spirit

that I say goodbye to all of you

and to Columbia University.

[applause]

[♪ Aqyila: "Effortlessly"]

[singer] ♪ Take a
breath and just, ah ♪

♪ Woosah ♪

[Camille] But letting go
can also mean letting in,

making space for something new.

[singer] ♪ Effortlessly ♪

♪ What's on its way
will not miss me ♪

♪ Effortlessly ♪♪

[Quinn] OK.

Now, that is a perfect fit.

You know I owe you, right?

Trust and believe
that I will bill you.

Trust and believe that I
already know you're worth it.

I'll be back.

How you doing?

Seth Rankin, great season.

Man, 48 homers, 130 RBIs.

How does it feel to be back
at the top of your game?

It's unreal.

I'm grateful for all
my guys, and of course,

the city of Chicago.

What up, Chi-Town?

Keep doing them proud.

Thank you. Thank you.

And I am digging this suit!

Well, this whole look is
Quinn Joseph, my new stylist.

[reporter] Quinn, Quinn!

She's incredible, right?

[laughs] Thanks.

[Seth] Thank you.

[hip-hop music]

[singer] ♪ West
side, we hustlin' ♪

♪ East side, we hustlin' ♪

♪ Hustlin', I'm
built for it... ♪♪

Oh, my gosh.

Guys, I guess I'm a stylist now.

My DMs have been blowing up
with requests after tonight.

Look, it's like what
I've been saying.

Let go of the worry, and
good things will happen.

Well, Zen Quinn,

I hate to admit it,
but you're right.

I secured funding for P
and got me a little date

- while I was there.
- [Quinn] Whoo!

Yeah. [laughs]

Yeah!

And I said goodbye to
Columbia and to Ian.

Cheers to that.

Here's to us moving
into a new era.

Yes.

[all] Arriba,
abajo, al centro...

Stop, stop, stop!

You came!

Well, baby, I told you I would.

Yes, girl.

It's my fault that she's late.

Hey, Mr. Fiancé.

We got held up looking
at another venue

that would never work.

Held up?

As in robbed?

Like wasting time
on a place that

was too small to fit
my bachelorette party,

let alone my wedding.

[Michael] Maybe y'all
can help me out here.

I think a wedding is sacred.

It should be an intimate
thing, not a big production.

Have you met Angie?

Thank you.

Well, if by intimate,

you mean small,
that's the way to go.

I mean, weddings are
a bad investment.

You're just throwing
money into the toilet.

[mouths words]

See, I think 15, 20
people would be nice.

Romantic.

There are more than 20 people
in Angie's immediate family.

And what about her friends?

Are we not invited?

OK, and we cannot forget
about my cousins...

first, second, and thirds.

I got family.

I just... I just want
you all to myself.

- That's all.
- [all] Aww.

Aw, get a room.

Get a room.

Let's get a shot so
we can toast too.

Oh, no, no, no.

You can actually have
mine because my stomach

- is feeling weird.
- Thank you.

Oh, my God. Toast to me.

Yes, I'll do.

And my wedding.

[all] Yeah!

An extra large one.

[laughter]

sh*t.

Uh, my client was
supposed to upload

a few documents to
a title company,

and they still
haven't received them.

Baby, I'm so sorry, but
I gotta run, all right?

Please, let me...

let me treat.

Ooh, I like that.

- Fix it up.
- OK.

Thank you.

You get a point from
me, Michael, for that.

See you later.

- Bye.
- Thanks.

Ooh, I have to pee again.

Girl, this is, like,
the fourth time

since we've been here.

I've been feeling off all day.

Whew.

- You OK? Cam?
- Cammie?

I just...

[all exclaiming]

Oh, my God!

Chair, chair.

Get her some water!

Some water!

[doctor] You're totally fine.

And so is your baby.

Congratulations, dear.

You are pregnant.

[♪ Ice Spice: "Deli"]

[Camille] And sometimes what
felt like a messy goodbye

is actually a far, far
more complicated hello.

I'm pregnant.

[singer] ♪ Me and baddies
be gettin' along ♪

♪ So they always be
singin' my song ♪

♪ Steppin' outside,
I'ma put that sh*t on ♪

♪ 300 and then I perform ♪

♪ You know I'ma
get to the bag ♪

♪ All the hatin'
b*tches to the back ♪

♪ Too much to lose
so I cannot react ♪

♪ Damn, b*tches
be goin' out sad ♪

♪ She a baddie, she
showin' her panty ♪

♪ She shake it
like jelly, damn ♪

♪ Hunnit bands in Chanely ♪

♪ But I'm still shaking
a*s in a deli, grrah ♪

♪ With my b*tch
gettin' dirty ♪

♪ He like him a wetty ♪

♪ He want the WAP, but
I just want the fetty ♪

♪ And I'm baggin' his
partner, I'm petty ♪

♪ Feelin' a smooch and
I'm showin' my coochie ♪

♪ PJ to Emilio Pucci ♪

♪ I love white b*tches
like shoutout to Lucy ♪

♪ If she bad, then I
let her seduce me ♪

♪ I'm the sh*t, I'm that
b*tch, I'm Miss Poopie ♪

♪ Juice in my cup got
me feelin' real loopy ♪

♪ 40-inch, middle-parted ♪

♪ He got all my pics hearted ♪

♪ They all like, damn, Ice,
your flow be the hardest ♪

♪ I'm not a regular artist ♪

♪ Grrah, grrah ♪

♪ Goku and I'm just
gettin' started ♪

♪ Baddies on baddies,
they know how to move ♪

♪ 'Ooters on 'ooters,
they know how to 'oot ♪

♪ Bussin' that pack, goin'
straight to the moon ♪

♪ Off the juice,
actin' loose ♪

♪ She a baddie, she
showin' her panty ♪

♪ She shake it
like jelly, damn ♪

♪ Hunnit bands in Chanely ♪

♪ But I'm still shakin'
a*s in the deli ♪

♪ With my b*tch
gettin' dirty ♪

♪ He like him a wetty ♪

♪ He want the WAP, but
I just want the fetty ♪

♪ And I'm baggin' his
partner, I'm petty ♪♪

♪ ♪