01x04 - Missed Connections

[bunniefuu]

Uggggggghhhhhh!

Mmmmm-bllllllla!

Baah!

Haaaaaaaa!

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-
ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

It's flavored milk,

We're here today to
celebrate the life...

of Simon.

-That saying, I'm Amba

with an "A" at the end

and the start.

-Ee-oooooh!

-Oh, those f*ck are,
uh, Midori and McCall.

-Just the traditional
spelling for them.

-Thank you for choosing
Loving Tributes.

-Awkwards.

-We have a range of
services to celebrate...

- Tamsen.
- Tamsen.

Perfect. Before
we get into it,

let me just check on
those hot drinks, okay?

-Well, it seems like
a win-win to me.

Think about it.
- Gwen, the teas?

- I'm coming.
- Go ahead.

Pour the tea.

-It shouldn't be too long.

Now, did Tamsen leave any
instructions for her funeral?

-No, so, um, that's actually
what we wanted to ask her.

- Pardon...
- Out of my way.

-Oi, oi, oi! Piss fringe.

Tell your sister no skids.

Sorry about the wait.

-Sorry, you were saying...?

-We want to connect
with Mum's spirit.

Is there a psychic youse use?

- A psychic?
- Yes.

-We have a few, actually.

- It doesn't have to be union.
- Oh, thank God.

-Just so I know which one of
our psychics would be best,

you just want to have
a chat with your mum,

who's... definitely dead?

- Yep.
- Yep.

-Yeah, I just want
to get this right.

I want to make sure
that she's happy.

-Absolutely.

While we're here, why
don't we have a look

at some of our package options?

-Um...

I don't...

I can't do it. I can't.

- Oh, hey, hey.
- I don't know what Mum wants.

-Hey, hey, hey.

It's okay. You
can ask her. Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Ah.

-Leave it with us.

-Yeah, yeah.

Hey, yeah.

All right?
- Yeah.

-Hey.

-Wait, is she pissing?

-Don't. Don't say anything.

-Or what? You'll
beat me up again?

-They're grieving.

-They're gagging for it.

By the way, um, don't
pay for a psychic

'cause I'll just do it.

-You're not qualified.

-You don't have to be.

Anyone can do it.
It's not real.

-Nah, they've already
seen you, so I'm online.

Um...

-Spiritual Healing with Nigel,

International
Psychic Detective?

Oh!

-Uh...

Oh, Shona, Priestess
of the 8th Ray.

"I'm a soul cleanser.

I carry the gift to
cleanse karmic issues."

-Okay, just pick one.

-Is that Sharyn?!

- Oh, my gosh.
- It is Sharyn.

-Oh, my God! Shizzer!

- You said my name?
- Isn't it your day off?

-Yeah, but I just remembered
I needed to refill

the peppercorn grinder,
and then I got chatting.

Do you need me to do something?

I can do something.
I love to do things.

-Yes, actually.

Are you a psychic?

-Oh, yeah, on and off.

- Ah.
- What's my middle name?

-You don't have one.

-She checks out.

-So what are your rates,
because we'd love...

-Oh, I'll do it for free.

-Aw.

- That's good...
- Wow.

- because Trisha's
quote came through,

and it's massive.

-What? I thought you
said she was cheap.

-Yeah, yeah. She's cheap.

But the stuff she wants
us to buy is not cheap.

-Uh, we'll have to go
have a look tomorrow

'cause that can't be right.

Oh.

Smell?

That's nice. Ah!

$120?

That can't be right.

-What's someone supposed to
do with two big, brown ba*ls?

Are you depressed?

- What?! No.
- Cool it.

It's not a big deal
if you aredepressed.

- I'm not!
- Okay.

Well, Mum thinks that
you're depressed,

so I just thought
that I would ask you.

-How would Mum know? She
doesn't answer my calls.

- Do you want something?
- What?

-Mum says you only call her
when you want something.

- Uh, yeah, to chat.
- More ba*ls.

It's like I'm being
chased by stray ba*ls.

Who needs all these ba*ls?!

Hey, it's Ben.

- What?
- Ben, Ben!

Come in!

Hey.
- Hey.

-Hey. Oh, look.
Someone's been shopping.

-Oh, yeah. I was in
the area earlier.

It's landlord's anniversary, so
I thought I'd get him something.

It's frangipani.
- Oh.

- Divine.
- Oh, yeah.

We smelled it.
- I can tell it from here.

-Anyway, we should
probably get going.

-No, we shouldn't.
Trisha's list is huge.

We've got heaps of stuff to get.

-Hmm.

-Hey, this would look
good on the foyer.

-Mm?

-Yeah, just on the
left as you come in.

Don't you think so, Elle-Belle?

-Mm, maybe.

-You left home early
again this morning.

Are you okay?
- I'm not depressed.

-I don't think that.
I-I was just wondering.

Just making sure you're okay.
- Can I help you with anything?

-Oh, we're just
browsing. Thanks.

- Sure.
- Hey, look at my massive p*ssy.

Rawr!

-It's a lovely
ornament, isn't it?

-Yeah, I was being gentle.

Can you tell me about all these
ba*ls you have lying around?

-They're sort of just
for general, you know,

usage around the house.

-Do you buy them together?

-Yes, usually in pairs,
threes sometimes.

-You came home late
again last night.

You didn't touch the risotto.
- Ah, yeah.

I'd eaten already, so...

-Saw a beagle on the way here.

You love beagles.

-No, I love Cavalier
King Charles Spaniels.

-Well, you used to love beagles.

-Yeah.

- Ooh!

Soft.

- Can we talk?
- Ah...

-I am so sorry about her.

I think she might
be on something.

Maybe meth.

-Oh, she's with us.

-Oh.

-Ms. Ellie, Ms.
Ellie, I'm so sad.

I need this sad blanket.

-Well, we're having
a storewide sale,

so everything you see
here is half price.

-Hey, did you say half
price, so it's 50% off this?

-Yeah, no. That's
the discounted price.

-Half of this is what it is?

- $434.50.
- Oh.

-$34.50... that's pretty good.

-Uh, no, no, no.

$434.50... 50 cents.

-Oh, I mean, what's
the sale price?

So 2...

-That isthe sale price.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

- That's lovely, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.

-Hey.

Guess how much this
horse thing is?

Heaps.

Heapsof money.

-Um, it's Arctic wood.

-You're annoying.

She's more a**l than you.

Literally everything
I touch, she's like,

"Oh, take it away.
Take it away."

-'Cause you'll break...
'cause you'll break it.

-Who am I?

That guy.

Ugh. Let's go.

This is dumb.

-I didn't have any sage, but
I've got lots of coriander.

- Oh, cool.
- Hi, Amba.

Hi, Zane. We're
just getting set up.

-She looks good.

-Oh, this is Sharyn, a
woman of many talents.

She's our resident psychic
and... catering manager.

-Hey, it's nice to meet you.

-Before we begin, can I
get you guys anything?

-Yeah, I'll grab a pint
of lemonade, please.

-I'll just have a caramel
Frappuccino or something.

-Oh, actually, I'll
grab a Frappuccino.

- With cream.
- Yeah.

-Easy.

-Thanks, Gwen.

-Where am I supposed to
get a Frappa-f*cking-ccino?

Tisman.

Tisman.

- It's Tamsen.
- Tansen.

- Tamsen.
- Tansen.

- It's Tamsen.
- Tansen.

Yep. There's
definitely someone.

Yep, she is coming through.

Was she always a woman?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Different Tasman, okay.

Does she come from Kenya?

- Did she?
- No.

-Oh.

Elaine.

Elaine, no, I'm working.

Talk to you later.

Sorry about that.

Oh, I think I found her.

The dogs got her, didn't they?

-Sorry.

-Babe, I don't think
this is working.

-It's just like a big old dead
party out there, isn't it?

Um, can I help?

-It's just, I am getting
a lot of interference.

- Yeah.
- Do you have an item

of Tanzeen's that I could
just use to tether us?

-We have her. She's
in the fridge.

- Gwen.
- What? She is.

Otherwise, she'll go off.

-Yeah, no. S-She's right.
Let's get her up here.

-Yep.

Bring her in.

Hi. Well, there she is.

-Thank you. Just...
bring in her clothes

when you're ready.

- I don't, um...
- Shall we try again?

-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- Whenever you're ready.
- Mm.

-Tasman... oh, Tasman.

Yep. She's coming through now.

-Hold her hand.

- Just grab her.
- Oh, yeah.

-Ah! Yep.

Very strong connection now.

Oh.

She's chatty, isn't she?

-Oh, your mum misses
you very much.

-Can you tell her
that I love her?

-She's here, and she knows.

She wants you to know
she's settling in up there.

Oh, absolutely gutted
she missed Neil Diamond.

-Oh, Mum.

What do you want to
wear to your funeral?

-I'm seeing leather.

-That, uh... that sexy little
New Year's number she wore,

yeah.
- No, maybe it's not leather.

Something classy.

- Classy.
- Mm.

-Okay.

Um, Mum, do you
want Aunt Deb there?

'Cause b*tch never said sorry.

- No.
- Okay. Um...

Mum, the will is
a bit of a mess,

so who gets the ute?

-She's showing me a capital "M."

Could be a Michael or...

-It's, uh... It's
got to be McCall.

He's a natural behind the wheel.

-Was there anything else you
wanted to ask Tamsen about?

-Don't let go. Um...

Mum, what package do you want?

Here.

Just use her hand
to guide and...

What one? That one?

-Yeah.

-Okay.

-Good choice, yeah.

-Well, Tam-Tam is very tired

and wants to go
load the dishwasher,

so it's been a long day for her.

-Okay. Well, why don't we...

-Um, hang on. Does she want
to be buried or burned?

-Uh...

I'm seeing flames.

- So burn?
- Yep.

Yep.

-Oi, oi, oi. Be careful.

We can't afford to go to
again, okay?

Sit down.

-Here are some seats
just up here in front.

-We're here today to
celebrate the life

of Tamsen Brandy Bates.

Her children... Simone
and Josie and Amba...

would like to thank

all of you for coming today,

and a special
thanks to all of you

who traveled some
distance to get here,

including Nana Jane
and Uncle Peter.

Amba, would you...?

- I loved
when me and Mum

would go to the RSA
for a Sunday roast.

She'd never
shut up about that gravy.

-She loved it.

Um, I was lucky enough
to connect with Mum

um, earlier this week,

so I know that she's
doing okay up there.

Shout-out to Sharyn and
Ellie from Loving Tributes.

-What am I, chopped liver?

-I miss you.

- That was lovely.

Thank you, Amba.

And now for something
a little special.

- What was that?
- Did he get a spotlight?

-Apologies, ladies
and gentlemen.

We appear to be having some
sort of a technical difficulty.

- I'm gonna call an electrician.
- It's Mum.

- Excuse me?
- It's Mum. She's really here!

-You cheeky b*tch!

Always in over attention, huh?
- No, no. It's...

-Everybody,
everybody, say goodbye

while she's still here!

- I wired it...
- Bye, Mum!

-You think I should tell
them it's not Tasman?

Elaine, I'm working.

I said I'd talk
to you later, naughty.

God.

-Well, um, I can't
compete with that.

Uh, I would like to invite
you all to pay your respects

and then join the
rest of the family

for some light refreshments

and some fish fresh
from the Tasman.

-Yummy.

-Do you mind if I tag along?

-Come on in.

-Brake. Just brake.

- Oh, is she there?
- Come on.

They're only baby
teeth. Just do it.

Just a little brake.
- "Just a baby teeth."

-Ow!

-Should've gotten
that on camera!

- Ow, ow, ow.
- Oh, my God! Drive.

- Drive! Oh, wait.

We can't go fast.

-Really welcome.
You're most welcome.

There's a small charge, but
it gets put on the tab, so...

- Okay.
- Yeah, the family will take it.

Yeah.

-Sorry. Oh.

Dean, I just called
an electrician.

- Mm.
- Anything you want to tell me?

-No. No, no. Nothing
I can think of.

- How you installed a spotlight?
- Oh, I told you that.

-No, you didn't.

-Yes, I definitely did.

-No, I would remember.

-Yeah, well, it's in one ear
and out the other, isn't it?

- Huh?
- Yeah, it makes sense.

You're overwhelmed. Mm.

Still, Amba wasthrilled.

I'm glad I could make that
moment happen for her.

-Mm-kay.

Yeah, thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Oh, my God! He's such
a condescending...

Can you say the bad
word, Gwen? I can't.

- Oh, Dean?
- Yeah.

-I don't have beef with Dean.

I mean, like, he's weird,
but Koro clearly trusted him.

-Ugh.

I don't know, but we've
got six minutes left.

Please get your
head in the game.

Just...

-I've just got a good feeling.

-Ugh! Okay. What was it?

- Uh...
- 2-3...

-2-2-0-3.

-Oh! Oh!

I've had it with
the boring clues.

Like, I'm so lazy
about it sometime.

-What's in there, Elle-Belle?

-Oh, how anticlimactic.

This is the sunken treasure?

- Hi.
- You're out late.

-I forgot to put bins out.

-Okay.

-I feel like you're avoiding me?

-I've just been really busy.

-I-I know I messed up,
and clearly you're upset.

It's just, we've been
together for solong,

and I wanted more. I'm sorry.

I love you, Elle-Belle.

How do I fix this?
I'll do anything.

-I don't know.

Ben...

it's recycling this week.

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so can you see more

of New Zealand On Air.