03x13 - Emergency Preparedness Kit, $129.99

[bunniefuu]

- Sarah, we're so
happy to have you back.

So the trip was a success?

- Oh, yeah, the Sacramento
Children's Theatre

did a wonderful job of
putting up "Unsung Sheroes,"

and I didn't k*ll my parents
while I was staying with them.

- Bravo to that.
- Here, here.

Mm-hmm.

- So what did I miss?
What's new with you guys?

- Well, I'm actually
starting my new novel.

It's a bit of a departure.
Let me ask you something.

In a futuristic society where
everyone's assigned a number,

what happens when you're
assigned a letter?

W is about to find out.

- Just to clarify,
we're not in it, right?

- This is not about us?
- No, no.

It's an allegory for
the refugee crisis...

- I don't need to know.
- More than I need to hear.

Okay.

- Something fun
"gong on" with me.

- So, Marina, how is
the design business?

Pretty good.

I have two new projects
with a new contractor,

and no, he is not hot.

- Yeah, total uggo. It rocks.

- Well, um, today we have
our first IVF appointment.

- Oh, whoa.
- Yes.

So after all of those
month and months

of planning and saving...

- And now that we are super
flush with all of that

- children's theatre money...
- Mm-hmm.

It's happening!

- Wow, that's such
exciting news.

Gong-gratulations.

Okay, fine.

Connor, what's up
with the fancy gong?

- It was a gift from
my financial advisor

to motivate my rise
back to the top.

- And how many millions has
this magic gong brought you?

I haven't even hit it yet.

I wanted the first one
to be for all of us.

- Aww.
- That's actually sweet.

- So here's to Marina's new job,

Tom's new book,

Sarah and Denise's
first IVF appointment,

and, most importantly,

my re-crushing of
the business world.

- Earthquake!
- Kids, under the table now.

Everybody, stay calm!

Earthquake! Earthquake!

- You two, under the table.
- Okay, okay.

Drop, cover, and hold on.

Protect your head and your neck,

and do not attempt
to exit the building.

- Honey.
- Earthquake! Earthquake!

I got gonged!

I didn't cause that, right?

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

Kids are fine.

They're already back
on their phones.

I told them to save their
batteries, but they ignored me.

So yeah, totally back to normal.

- I think I'm probably fine too.

- No, Sarah, take it easy.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Nope. I'm not
fine. I'm not fine.

- Okay, maybe we should postpone

our doctor's appointment.

- No. Dr. Patel
is so in demand.

We'll never get
another appointment.

- It's fine. I can just
text them and reschedule.

Yeah, don't be a hero.

- Okay, everyone. Back
up. Give me some space.

Let's get you bandaged
up, little lady.

- Whoa, what's with the hat
and the vest and everything?

- Oh, it's part of
my emergency go bag.

We've got a first aid
kit, hand crank radio,

water, flashlight,
inflatable tent,

inflatable hammock,
inflatable vest, jerky...

- You had all that
in your trunk?

All right, it's swelling,

but the cut's not too deep.

I'm gonna clean it,

I'm gonna apply some
antibiotic fluid,

and then I'm gonna
wrap your foot up

and continue icing it.

Tom, why don't you sit down

and start cutting some
pieces of adhesive?

You got it.

Okay.

That's a lot of blood.
Ooh, that's a lot of blood.

That's... it's a lot of blood.

- Okay, okay. This
is not helpful.

- It's a lot of blood.
- Honey, honey, why don't you

go and get Sarah
a glass of water?

- Yeah, I'ma get a glass
of water for me too.

- Yeah.
- Whoo.

The room
is kind of moving.

Is that one of the aftershocks?

Man.

Gong almost hit me in the head.

I could've died.

- Yeah, and it did
land on my foot.

- Right, no, of
course, I get that,

but on the way to your foot,
it came so close to my head.

You know, I could feel the
air there like... like, moved.

- Oh, you're the
real victim here.

- Obviously, Marina,
there's multiple victims.

Sarah, imagine what happened to
your foot happening to my head.

Oh, believe me, I am.

- This whole thing is
really making me think.

Is it, though?

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

Where did you get this go bag,

and how'd you know how to
deal with Sarah's foot?

- Oh, um, I took an emergency
prep class a few months ago.

You were deep into
your book publicity

and I didn't want to
bother you with it.

- Oh, I'm glad
you did. Why now?

- Well, remember our sex fire?
- Vividly.

- Well, in that moment with the
flames going up the curtains

and you screaming,
"Fire!" and then pouring

cranberry juice on it and
then tripping on your pants...

- No, I-I said I remembered it.

- Well, I wanted
us to be prepared

if there was a next time.

- Wait, so you took a course
'cause you didn't trust

I would know how to come
through in an emergency?

- No. Honey, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

Everyone plays an
important role in a crisis.

Your role is to...

Like, call attention
to the problem

while others deal with it.

It's a super important role.

All right, I'm gonna
do a second head count

at 1400 hours!

- What?
- Nothing.

- I'm not playing this game.
- It's just this house.

It's got every cool
gadget you can think of,

but with the power
off, it's useless.

- I guess you're going to
have to hand sort your coins.

- I mean, what if
I had died today?

Would this be my legacy?

Just a freaking sweet house
filled with useless stuff?

I was so excited
to bang that gong,

add a few extra zeroes
to my bank account,

but for what?

- These are important questions.

You know what I
think you should do?

Huh?

Make yourself useful.

- Oh, I see where
you're going with this.

Where I'm going with what?

- Instead of focusing on myself,

I should be of
service to others.

- Mm.
- Huh.

Helping people.

That's good.

Oh, my...

Hey, is yours working?

Mine just died.

- Mine's been dead
for 20 minutes.

Hey, Camila, how's it going?

Fine.

- I feel like you're cool enough

to start watching "Boom
Boom Dojo" with me.

- What?
- Or we could watch

"Pastry Chef Junior" because
there's, like, cakes and stuff.

- Or we could FaceTime
my friend Xander.

He's got a cute younger brother.

All that sounds good.

What's it worth to you?

You got any money?

- We can't out-bribe Gretchen.

Oh, thank you, Lupe.

How are you feeling?

You know,

actually, a bit relieved.

I thought I was
ready to start IVF,

but for so long,
the actual doing it

was so far in the future,

and now that the
actual day has arrived,

it's like...

Oh, my God, I mean,
what if it doesn't work?

Denise would be devastated.
I would be devastated.

Oh, God, it's
getting me emotional

just talking about it.

- I was just asking
about your foot.

Oh, my foot.

Right. Um, it hurts.

Mm.

- You know, wait. Lupe, sorry.

If we could just... We
could just forget about

all that other stuff. I
mean, what even was that?

That was... it was just
my hurt foot talking.

- I'm really not that invested.
- Okay.

What are you doing?

- Uh, taking inventory
of our food supply.

It's a thing you do in a crisis.

- Another thing you do is
keep the fridge door shut

when the power is off.

And also, you could just
see through the glass.

- Can't tell if the milk's
expired through glass.

What are you doing?

- Oh, after the earthquake,
I checked the gas line.

Right. Right.

- To make sure the
shutoff valve tripped.

- Pfft. Thinking
the same thing.

- And what was the result?
- I smelt gas,

so I'm just making sure
there isn't a leak.

Beat me to it.

So look, now that I, uh,

took care of the
food supply issue,

- do you need help with anything?
- Sure.

- Could you fill the bathtubs?
- Yes. On it.

Fill them with...

- Water.
- Bubble baths.

Keep the kids calm. Smart.

- No, so that we have water
if the water is shut off.

Right. Water for survival.

Not bub-tubs.

Obviously, I'm upset

that we're missing our
first IVF appointment.

I've been thinking
about this for so long.

- Yup.
- And I want to do it.

I really do. It's just,

now that we're at the
day, I'm thinking,

what if it works and Sarah
actually gets pregnant

and it's hard for
her and she hates it

and the only reason she's
putting herself through this

is because I couldn't
do it myself?

- You need to talk to your wife.

If only it
was that easy, Lupe.

I don't want Sarah to
all of a sudden think

that I'm ungrateful
or something.

Did you feel that?
A little aftershock?

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

It's shaking me down the stairs.

- I... I think it's done.

Mommy, it's getting cold.

Yeah, the heat's off.

Um, maybe ask Gretchen to
borrow one of her sweatshirts.

- You cold? You say
you're getting cold?

- What if I built you a fire?
- That'd be cool.

- Yeah... or well, not cool.

Hot 'cause of the fire
that I'm gonna build you.

- One fire coming up.
- Wait, wait, wait.

What? Where? How? Basically,
all the questions.

- Well, Connor's got a portable,

um... what do you
call those things?

You know what I
mean? You light a...

- Like a portable firepit?
- Yeah.

I'll just set it up in
the courtyard, you know,

it's open air, and then I'll
just get in there and...

do my thing.

- Well, if we're
gonna have a fire,

maybe I should make it.

- Why do you get
to... Oh, 'cause...

It's my
fire, so I'ma make it.

- Tom, fires are not
that easy to make.

- You know, I might not
have a green jacket,

like, a cute matching
helmet, but I can do stuff.

- Okay, go. Make a fire, Tom.

Thanks. I will.

So one fire coming up.
Give me one minute.

Or actually, maybe
a couple minutes.

Make it a half hour. I'll
call you when I'm done.

- Lupe, do we have a
fire extinguisher...

Well, the swelling stopped,
so it looks like you might

be able to go to your
appointment after all.

- Yay.
- Amazing.

I will just text them

and let them know we're back on.

- Mm-hmm.
- Wait a sec.

With the power out,
the gate won't open.

You can't even get your car out.

You can't even get
out to get an Uber

because none of the
gates will open.

Everything's connected
in my stupid smart house.

- Oh, sh**t.
- Darn it.

Lupe was right.

I mean, making money just
for the sake of making money?

It should be about
helping people.

- Okay.
- And right now, the two people

who need help are a
couple of lesbians

who want to have a baby,

and one of them's got a
wounded foot from a gong

that almost took her
brother's head off.

- What are you... what?

Shh.

I'm opening that gate for you.

- Great.
- Wow.

Yeah.

- And how are you
planning on doing that?

- I'm gonna outsmart
the smart house.

Why doesn't this city
have some kind of

earthquake warning system?

Connor, don't hurt yourself.

- I mean, like, what are
we even paying taxes for?

It's almost enough to
make you want to vote.

Maybe hurt yourself a little.

It's okay if you can't
get the gate open.

Sarah and I, we'll just get
a different appointment.

It's just so frustrating,

and the stupid manual
override is rusted shut.

Stupid fog.

I'm making a fire.

- We have sweaters
and stuff inside if...

- I'm making a fire
to keep us all alive.

- Seriously, don't
break it for us.

It's not just for you.

- Ever since I was
nearly decapitated

by an ancient Chinese
symbol of wealth,

I've been trying to think, how
can I be of, like, service?

- Service?
- Yeah.

What if I think
bigger, you know?

Maybe I set up a
bunch of scholarships

or reinvest my money
into climate activism.

Or maybe I do a raffle

where I send one sick kid a year
down to the bottom of the sea

in their own personal submarine.

- Probably one of
the first two things.

Whatever I do, it starts now.

The journey of 1,000 miles
begins with a single step.

- Was that on the box
your gong came in?

Hell yeah, it was.

And right now, my single step

is getting you to that
doctor's appointment.

Catch fire. Catch fire.

- Maybe try putting the
wood in a cone shape.

- Honey, I know what
I'm doing. Thank you.

- Okay, so then you know
that you should use tinder

to get the kindling started.

- I wrote about this in
"Jeremiah's Plan," remember?

When the inmates use
their prison cigarettes

to light a fire to
distract the guards,

so Jeremiah could smuggle

Hickory Bob out
in a laundry cart?

Yes, my favourite part.

- Wait. Something's
happening here.

Oh, it's catching fire.

Fire, baby!

Uh-oh. No, no, no,
no, no. No, come on.

What's going on here?

Come on.

- Don't blow like that.
You're gonna hyperventilate.

I'm not gonna hyperventilate.

I'm just
gonna lie down.

Oh, I made that?

Oh, you made that.

Team effort?

- Sorry. I guess I was
kind of acting like a jerk.

No.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I just wanted to
be the protector,

but don't worry,
message received.

- I'm not trying
to send a message.

I'm just doing what
needs to be done.

- Yeah. Exactly. 'Cause
I'm totally useless.

Just promise me when
the apocalypse comes,

you won't eat me first.

Tom, come on.

Not much meat on
those bones anyway.

Although, soup...

- So we can all agree,
we're gonna watch

a supercut of animals
riding other animals.

Yes, just play it.

I need it.

Where's my tablet?

- Hurry, hurry, hurry!
- Go, go, go!

It only has 1% left.

- Let's watch as long as we can.

- Do you suffer
from acid reflux?

Skip it! Skip it!

Literally the worst
day of my life.

Here I am, trying to be a...

positive force in the
world, serve my community.

I can't even help you guys
escape my stupid property.

Maybe I'm not the
saviour we all thought.

Did we use the word saviour?

- We were definitely
all thinking it.

- Mm-hmm.
- Damn.

- Mm, sorry we weren't able
to make our appointment.

- Oh, me too.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yup.

- It's a bummer.
- Such a bummer.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Just say it! Both of you!

Say what you need to
say to each other.

But wait until I leave.

I don't want to get
dragged into it.

- What was that?
- Who knows?

- That was just, um...
- Weird.

- Okay, don't be upset, but
I was really freaking out

- about our doctor's appointment.
- Oh, me too.

I was like, "Oh, my God,
it's really happening."

And also, oh, my God.

I mean, there are no
guarantees with IVF,

and if it didn't work,
you'd be so disappointed.

- Well, I was worried you
were gonna hate being pregnant

and start resenting me because

I wanted to do this
in the first place.

Oh, Lulu, I love you.

I love you too.

- You know, maybe
this earthquake

was the universe's
way of telling us

that we can just take
a little more time.

- Well, I do believe in signs.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm really glad that we
got all this out in the open.

- Me too.
- Yeah.

- Thank you, Lupe!
- Thank you, Lupe!

I'm not here.

- She loves us.
- Yeah.

- Is this what nights were
like when you were kids?

How old do you think we are?

- It's getting late. When's
the power coming back?

- Soon, kiddo.
- You keep saying that.

- Camila, have I ever told you
about the Keeper of the Flame?

- Who?
- You don't know about Reena?

The Keeper of the Flame?

Well, we all want the
power to come back on,

but thousands and
thousands of years ago,

even before Aunt
Denise was born...

Wow.

- It was fire that
people wanted.

'Cause fire gave them
warmth, it gave them light,

but the gods could see how
much people loved their fire,

and they grew jealous.

So one day, there was a
great trembling of the earth

and the gods stole the fire

and left the people cold
and hungry in the dark.

For no one was brave enough
to go fight for it...

No one, that is, except
for the mighty Reena.

See, Reena had the skills.
She had the confidence.

She had the green pelt,

which was actually
quite flattering.

And even though she was scared

and she knew there was
no guarantee of success,

she ventured out into the dark.

The first thing she
saw was a golden bridge

that served as a gate
between her world

and the new world
of adventure...

And with that, Reena
vanquished the spirit wraith,

thus completing the
seventh of her trials.

And she returned
home with a spark

to light a new fire

along with the friends
that she met along the way.

The Golden Goliath,

the Truth-Telling
Teacher, and, of course,

the kindly,
misunderstood Bog Hag.

- Who do you think
is the Bog Hag?

- You know, I don't know.
- Yeah.

And to this day,

whenever anyone
sits around a fire,

the spirit of the
Keeper of the Flame

lives on.

Whoa.

Cool.

I, uh...

I hate to say this, but
Tom's story has me thinking.

Sometimes when you want
something bad enough,

you just have to do
stuff that scares you.

Right.

- Maybe we just have to
stop thinking and jump in.

Yeah.

- Let's do it.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Hey.

Remember how I told you

everyone plays an
important role in a crisis?

In our tribe, you're
the storyteller.

Yeah, I guess I am.

- Or maybe weaver of dreams.
- Storyteller's good.

- No, yeah. Storyteller's
cool. Storyteller's cool.

Oh, Dr. Patel's office

just texted me and they said,
"If we miss our appointment,

we won't be seen for
another four months."

- But our appointment's
in 28 minutes.

That's it.

Lupe, grab the keys to my
most heavily-insured car.

We should probably stop this.

- No, please. I
really wanna see it.

Yeah! I'm doing it!

- The power's back on.
- Connor!

- Connor!
- Dad!

Connor, you okay?

I'm awesome!

Oh, that was incredible!

Camila, never do that.

- Whoo!
- Connor, thank you.

We will absolutely
help pay for the gate.

I mean, we won't, but thank you.

What a rush.

I wish I could drive my car
through other obstacles.

Did he bump his head?

- Yeah, why don't you
give me those keys, buddy?

- No, I mean,
like, figuratively.

Use my wealth to
bust through red tape

and help those less
fortunate than me.

Oh, my God, I've got it.

I figured out how to be of
service to my fellow man.

It's all so obvious.

Hold on to your butts.

I'm running for mayor.

- Yes!
- Whoo!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

Oh.

- Wow, Connor.
- Yeah.

- No.
- Yeah.

- I don't know if
that's a good idea.

- Like, you're not well-equipped...
- You know what?

You got an
appointment to get to.

Okay. I do.

- This all will be
happening when you get back.

Come here, buddy. Yup.

- We're making
earthquakes ill*gal.

- Okay, let's get you
to the doctor too.

- And lo, as Reena made
her way into battle,

she did so with her new friends

the Golden-Haired Gretchen
who was sweet, but ferocious.

- Karate Chop Kelvin,
thrower of boulders

- and puncher of trees.
- Hoo!

Shamiah the Chanteuse...

- Whose beautiful voice
laid waste to her enemies.

And of course,
right by her side,

the Mighty 'Mila
who would never let

her fear of the
dark get in her way.

Reena knew that
with this new team,

there was nothing
that she could not do.

- Uh, not to mention Lupe,
the leader of the tribe

who laid down the law and
ruled all that she saw.

And she could fly.

- Uh, yeah, well, there's not
really a supernatural component

to this sto... but
yeah, no, she could fly.

She could... she could fly.

She was a little bit
scary, but that only helped