02x05 - Yessika's Day Off

[bunniefuu]

[whimsical music playing]

[Yessika]
Our job is to find you an apartment.

If you think your neighbor's a sex worker,
that's not our problem, sis.

Happy to put in that complaint.

Just to verify, your email is
Thick & Juicy at gmail.com.

Yes.

Okay, thank you.

Jan! Jan!

- [Jan] I believe in you.
- f*cking Jan, man.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[dings]

[upbeat music playing]

[giggles]

[woman singing in Spanish]

[cheering]

[screams, giggles]

Girl! Happy Halloween, b*tch! [laughs]

Let's go! Oh my God, let's go.

[tires screeching]

[giggling]

[theme music playing]

I just hope this WeHo sh*t is
as crazy as the Village.

I don't know.
I never really partied on Halloween.

[gasps]

Fernando? [laughs]

Fernando from 168th?

Yeah. And it looks just like him too.

[in Spanish] Veins and everything.

[in English] Siri, set a reminder
to call Fernando when I land on the third.

Ugh.

[Dalia laughs] I need some d*ck.

[laughs]

[Dalia] So what the f*ck
you been doing on Halloween, anyway?

Ana's dad died on Halloween.

So...

I always just plan some low-key sh*t,

or we take her little sister
trick-or-treating.

Because you miss her?

Sometimes. Yo, I feel like...

Uh-uh! That was a test and you failed.
We aren't talking about her tonight.

b*tch. Didn't you come here
to help heal my broken-a*s heart?

Aye, forget her.

You know, I never liked her a*s.

She was always dragging you
into her family drama.

"Aye! My grandfather's getting deported!"

Boo-hoo, b*tch.
People get deported every day, B.

b*tch, didn't your tía get deported?

Yeah.

That sh*t was mad sad...

- But what I'm saying is...
- [scoffs]

...we're here to have fun.

Mm-mm. No.

We need her back.

[in Spanish]
But you want me dressed like a wh*re?

[in English] Exactly.
It's h*... lloween, h*.

[laughs]

["The Fabulous Ones"
by Blackalicious playing]

It's cute!

Ain't nobody riding that Red Riding Hood.

Bye!

- It's bad!
- [in Spanish] You look like an old lady.

- Don't I look like a cool little devil?
- Turn.

[in English] That look like a Snuggie.
Get out of here! We could do better.

It's different.

b*tch, it's a cat. [hisses]

Your body's snatched,
but you look like a worm.

Worms don't got snatched bodies.

[laughs]

[laughs] Bingo.

[sizzles]

Hey, is it normal
for my toes to feel numb?

- Is that the only thing that feels numb?
- Uh, for now.

[kisses]

- Oh, there she goes.
- [Saraí] I told you I have a meeting.

Now we're going to pretend like
I didn't make taquitos de carne

with a little mole n*gro.

Kiss a*s.

Yes, Chef. Thank you, Chef.

Hey, are you still down to trick-or-treat
with my cousins later today?

Um...

- I don't... I don't have a costume.
- Oh yes, you do. I bought it yesterday.

I... I could have gained weight since then.

What? Are you nervous?

[Saraí] About what?

I knew it.

You're afraid to see my family.
'Cause you shouldn't, they love you.

And full disclosure,
Nayeli's still on the fence about you,

but I think it has to do with the tattoos.

Let's give her a second,
but everybody else is a fan.

- Chris...
- Especially me. [kisses]

According to Twitter, actually,
I'm kind of a "stan". [kisses]

[kisses]

[kisses]

I've officially declared tonight
as my last year of trick-or-treating.

Nayeli, you have to keep your eyes closed.

I'll be 13 next year,
and grown women don't beg for candy.

She's a grown woman,
but she's still obsessed with Coco.

You have a cute nose, you know that?

Kind of looks like Mom's.

What about my eyes?

Hm.

- I don't know.
- [phone dings]

[swooshes]

[message sent dings]

You do know that Día de los Muertos and
Halloween are two different things, right?

Duh. I want to honor
the anniversary of Papi's death.

Like Miguel.

I'm gonna build an alter
to bring Papi's spirit back.

His spirit will help us. And Pop too.

[soft music playing]

- Okay.
- [door opens]

- Let's do it.
- [door shuts]

Amá, where's the pictures of Papi?

We're gonna build un altar
for Día de los Muertos.

[in Spanish] Why?

We're Catholic.

You're gonna bring demons
into the house with all that.

[sighs]

[in English]
I know where the pictures are.

Dime a ver, L.A.!

Poison Ivy is ready to f*ck sh*t up.

Okay? Y'all ready for me? [laughs]

[in Spanish] And you,
Wonder Woman, what's good?

[in English] Ah!
It's the Dominican blowout for me. Yeah!

[laughing]

Yo!

[Dalia] All right, he's one minute away.
Hopefully, this one doesn't cancel.

He's the third one.
Uber on Halloween is such a b*tch.

[Dalia] Mh-hm. But listen...

- Mh-hm?
- [giggles] Here are the rules for tonight.

Rule number one: shot o'clock.

Every hour on the hour,
we gotta take a shot. [laughs]

This sh*t is hot.

Rule number two:
we gotta take a selfie with a celebrity,

'cause I ain't coming to LA
just look at your crusty a*s.

And rule number three:
we gotta make out with a baddie,

'cause after seeing
Fernando's d*ck at the sex shop earlier...

[laughs] ...I need to be touched.

Turn that sh*t up, b*tch, 'cause I'm in.

[laughing]

- [dings]
- Mmm.

[Chris] Trick or treat!

Trick or... Trick or treat. Anybody here?

[in Spanish]
Aries, you have a bright future.

[in English]
Oh my God, Lupe, you went all out!

Oh my God, I loved Walter.

[in Spanish] With much, much, much love.

[in English] Mmm. Well, I'm Cheech,
and you remember Chong.

Of course. The chef girlfriend.

It's good to see you again, mija.

When is the restaurant
going to open, mija?

Chris has been talking about it nonstop.

Oh, yeah, me too.

I'll... I'll let you know about that.

Where... Where's Pops?

He's putting the finishing touches
on his costume.

You're gonna love it.

You know,
you picked a good business partner.

Chris is quite the chef.

He really revitalized Mama Fina's.

Well, I tried
before it became Karen's Cafe.

Karen's Cafe?

Yeah, you know, it's probably
gonna be a vegan spot or something.

[door opens]

- Hi! [laughs]
- [Chris] Hey, look at that.

We got Miguel from Coco,

and I'm gonna say Garfield?

With a case of the Mondays.
All right, well...

- [Nayeli] Who are you supposed to be?
- Well that's, uh, k*ll Bill obviously.

- No, it's Bruce Lee!
- [chuckles]

Oh! Okay, I see it. Yeah.

[in Spanish]
I told you no one will get it.

- [phone rings]
- [in English] I think it's Erik.

Hey, here we go.

[gasps]

- Oh my God!
- [Saraí] Look at this.

[laughs] Okay, it's official.
I do want babies.

- ¡Besitos!
- ¿El chacal?

[Erik in English] Hey, say, hi.
I'm a Justice Taco Supreme.

A Supreme Court Justice
mixed with a taco, get it? Get it?

No? Don't worry.
It took Daddy a minute to get it too.

Uh, well, maybe that's because Mommy
had to compromise with a stubborn daddy

who only gets stereotypes.

[Erik] Oh my God. If you want,
go ahead and take out the lettuce.

- [Lidia] No, stop touching.
- [Erik] Take the lettuce.

It looks cute like this.
It's fine, leave it.

[somber music playing]

[Erik] Anyway, Lupe, did you already
submit the petition for Pop?

Yes, I did.

We also got
the blood test results back, finally.

[in Spanish] Everything's fine.

[Erik in English] Great.

[in Spanish] Yeah, all we can do now
is wait for the petition to get approved.

[in English] But for now,
we're all going to enjoy the day. Yes?

[Erik] Yeah.

[in Spanish]
Those two are always fighting.

We'll see how it goes for them.

What are you looking for?

[in English] Pop...

do you have any pictures of my dad?

[in Spanish] Yeah.

Yeah, but why?

[in English] Well, Nayeli wants
to build un altar for Papi.

Look, I know...

I know you and Mom
don't like to talk about him but...

think about her.

I don't even know what his voice
sounds like anymore, so imagine her.

You know, she was a baby when he died.

[in Spanish] I should have something.

I'll leave it out if I find it.

[in English] Thanks, Pop.

[in Spanish] And please.

[in English]
Be careful with those nunchucks.

They're dangerous.

- What time is it?
- Shot-o-m*therf*cking-clock! [laughs]

[Yessika] Yeah!

Unpopular opinion, I miss Yessika.

Nobody asked you, mocosa.

Wait, so why aren't we trick-or-treating
in Boyle Heights again?

Dude, always trick-or-treat
in rich, white neighborhoods.

King-sized bars, noob.

Um, I thought that was a myth.

What's that for?

This is so that we can empty your candy,
and we can collect some more later, noob.

Man, I'm starving. We should have
picked something up before coming.

I was gonna say,
we should stop at the shop.

- Then I remembered.
- [Chris] Yeah.

[Nayeli] Oh my God.
No more Mama Fina's means no free food.

Oh my God, are you starving to death?
We don't have a lot of time.

Well, y'all can eat for free at mines,
when it's finally open.

Nah, girl, it's okay.

It's not really about the food, it's...

Like, remember when we were little?

On Sundays, after Mass,
and all the families would come,

it was all hands on deck.

- We were hustling.
- Yeah.

[Ana chuckles] Ah sh*t, it was like
we were meant to run that place.

[Nayeli] What?
Pop let you guys work in the kitchen?

[hip-hop song playing]

[Dalia] Shot-o-clock.

Mmm.

You can't drink in here.
I run a clean car.

- [sighs]
- So then hurry up and get us there, then.

And I'm sweating on my blowout.

Oh, hell nah. I spent two hours on that.

My man, can you crack a window back here?

[car honking]

Yeah, no problem.

Thanks.

[phone rings]

[in Spanish] What's up, man?

[man] Yo!
There's a celebrity party in Downtown.

[Driver] Uh-huh?

I took Ariana Grande.

- [driver] Really?
- [man] Tomás took Travis Scott.

Come to this area.
You will make a lot of money.

I'll be on my way as soon as...

I drop off these drunk b*tches.
You know how these people are.

[car honks]

[driver] See you soon. Bye.

What?

What people are you talking about?

You sh*t without a head.
We understand every f*cking word.

Exactly, coño! Every f*cking word!

[in English] I'm sorry. Perra means cute.

[in Spanish] And the only b*tch
is the dumb b*tch that had you!

[in English]
Leave my mother out of this, okay?

Pull over, we getting out
this wack-a*s hoopty.

Nah, f*ck that. It's Halloween night.
We're never gonna find another ride.

- Oh.
- [driver] Hey, wait a minute.

What are you doing, stop!

Uh-uh.
You're not gonna f*ck up our Halloween.

- Take us Downtown, pendejo!
- [Dalia] Yeah!

I guess you ain't change that much!
[laughs]

- [car honks]
- I need my phone to get there.

- Just drive.
- [laughs]

Oh, your new chick's
a freak-freak, huh? Okay.

Chismoso, you're so nosy.

And if you must know,
the new chick also pays the bills.

So why do we live in Mold City?

Nayeli, go knock on the door over there.
I heard they're giving out iPads.

- Really?
- Yeah. Go.

Eating where you sh*t?
Could get a little messy.

- Oh, must be a Morales thing.
- No...

Chef.

No, it's not. It's not the same.
All right, tell her, Saraí.

We were making love
way before we were making food.

[speaking indistinctly]

[somber music playing]

I'm gonna go find Nayeli before an old man
offers a tour of his haunted house, okay?

Copy.

Hey.

Is it weird
that I kinda want to see Chong naked?

Was that too creepy?

No, I mean kind of but no.

Hm. What's the matter? What's wrong?

Chris, I need to talk to you
about the restaurant.

Okay. Do you not wanna work together?
Because it's totally fine.

- I get it, we just made a decision...
- No, no, no...

I love the idea of working with you.

Oh, thank God
'cause I can't stop thinking about it.

Big opportunities
don't come to people like me.

The only thing my mom
and I came here with was hope.

We really wanted the American dream,
and I don't know what that is anymore.

I worked incredibly hard, Chris.

Not just for me but for everyone.

- Yeah, I get it. It's not just you.
- Come on, let's move!

- We gotta go!
- Pick up the pace!

- Come on, come on.
- Go where?

- [Yessika shouts]
- [driver] Get out!

[Dalia] Your mother's a h*!

[Yessika]
And I'm giving you one star, dickhead!

[driver]
I'm putting you on the psycho list.

- Psycho this, m*therf*cker!
- Suck my d*ck!

Oh my God, can you believe that sh*t?

- f*ck him. Let's go find Travis Scott.
- [sighs]

For real. Come on. I was just in!

But no one is here.

[in English]
That exclusive sh*t. Everybody's inside.

b*tch, you've never even been to LA.

You have to leave now.
All right. Cry all you want.

I'm a trained professional.

I got this.

[laughs] Hi, what's good, Papi?

Who are you guys supposed to be?

[scoffs] Are you kidding me?

- [laughs]
- [phone rings]

- Penelope.
- [Penelope] Hey, what's up?

- Penelope, again?
- Hey.

A-f*cking-gain?
Yo, you got us out here looking crazy.

Yeah, you got that right.

I told you to tell them we were coming.
This is the second time!

[Penelope sighs] God, again?

Listen, we stopped
our world tour for this party.

- [Penelope] Girl.
- [Dalia] You know what?

- You fired.
- [Penelope] What?

- Enjoy the unemployment line!
- [Penelope] Oh, no.

[line disconnects]

Listen, I don't care
if you guys just flew in from Paris.

If you're not on the list, you're not in.

[laughs] There seems to be
some misunderstanding. You see?

- We're the Baddies Del Barrio.
- Él no sabe.

- The what?
- [both laugh]

The best-selling
female Bachata group of all time.

[clicks tongue] You know our song.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure you are.

[clears throat]

[singing in Spanish]

[laughing]

Yo, we still got it!

Since the fourth grade, b*tch!

- [laughing]
- [screaming]

- Ooh-ooh!
- Yo! Yo-yo-yo!

Is that Bruno Mars hugged up
with Lady Gaga?

Oh, what? I'm gonna need that single
on my phone ASAP. [chuckles]

Wait. Is that...

- They freed Britney, b*tch!
- Oh my God. [shrieks]

[laughing]

- [Dalia] Oh my God.
- [Yessika] What?

Bad Bunny?
Oh my God, Bad Bunny. Oh my God.

[gasps] Hey.

I'm such a fan, like, huge.

I swear, I was this close to getting
your face tatted on my a*s. [chuckles]

[speaking with French accent]
Pardon, very little English.

[both] What the f*ck?

Oh, hell no.

[Dalia scoffs]
What kind of bullshit is this?

[scoffs]

I'm gonna need another shot for this sh*t.

A shot! Oui! Oui!

[tapping]

I got you.

Oh. Perfect. Bottoms up, b*tch.

- [laughs]
- Forget Bad Bunny.

[laughing]

[dings]

Why are we here?

- 'Cause we 'bout this life!
- Chris, who's house is this?

Remember when I said, let's get crazy?
The lady who took our shop lives here.

We're about to blast this b*tch.

[Nayeli] Hell, yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

[singing in Spanish]

[laughing] Yes!

[camera shutter clicking]

- Hey, you can't be in here. Let's go!
- I wanted to feel the magic!

[laughs]

Wait, wait, wait.
I'm the new chef at Karen's Cafe.

- [Ana] sh*t. Cheech and Chong, gotta go!
- Please, please!

Please come with me.

Five different Ubers
canceled on us already.

f*ck this. Let's take the bus.

The bus? Mm-mm.

All right. [scoffs] h*, you from New York,
you can take a bus.

[laughs]

[laughs]

[in Spanish] What's on your mind?

[in English] Nothing.

Girl, I been knowing you.

[sighs]

It's just wild to me... [scoffs]

...the fact that she never fought for me.

It's just one big "f*ck you."

[kisses]

I needed to make out with a baddie.

Yessika, you a bad b*tch.

Don't ever forget that.

And listen, I get it.

You had real history or whatever.

But you a whole snack, meal, and dessert.

[laughs]

If old girl don't see that, that's on her.

You worth fighting for.

All right?

You're gonna be all right.

Don't be taking my hand
like we girlfriends or something. [laughs]

- You know, this can't be locked down.
- Oh my God.

I hate your a*s. [laughs]

[sighs]

[gasps]

[Saraí] Chris!

I didn't know it was Mama Fina's.

Then you did know, and you took the job.

That's not fair.
You know how hard I've worked to get here.

Congratulations on your new restaurant.

[whimpers]

What are these?

[chuckles]

[soft music playing]

[man singing in Spanish]

[Nayeli] Is that him?

[door opens]

Ana.

[in Spanish] Where did you get that?

[in English] I'm sorry.
Pop left it out. I didn't know.

I'll turn it off.

No.

[cries]

[chuckles]

[exhales]

[sniffles]

You have his eyes.

[laughing]

[crying]

[vocalizing]

[swooshes]

[sighs]

[somber music playing]