01x11 - A Lamb To Slaughter

[bunniefuu]

- Why do you have a picture of
the bus driver on your phone?

Oh! You like him!

- Give me my phone! [grunts]
- Dang, girl!

- I'm going to the mall.
- You don't even know him.

- I will be back in one hour.
- Fine! I'm coming too!

- Cora and I have decided
that we would like 98%!

- He's trying to
take advantage of us.

- What about a 50/50 split?
- Sound like a good deal to me.

- You and Mr. Brown shake on it.

- CORA AND LEAH: [screaming]

- JEREMY: I knew you was faking!

- ♪

- Baby, this is so amazing.
- Yes, it is!

- No, no, I mean,
like, this is amazing.

- Stop saying that!

"Baby, this is amazing!
Baby, this is amaz..."

You've been
saying that for hours.

- Mr. Brown, you
don't understand, man.

We really been
hoping for a miracle,

and you just came
through and saved us.

Like, we really appreciate you.

- Well, you know, I have
been known to be miracle-ish.

- [laughter]

- Well, thank you.

- Yeah, you're
welcome, my child.

That's the way you do it and
say it when you're miracle-ish.

- Well, our lawyer
looked over the contract.

Everything is good.
So, Mr. Brown, go ahead.

You sign it. - Okay.

Leroy M. Brown.

The M is for Making Money, now.

- All right.
- [laughs]

- What's taking you
so long, then?

- I got to make it
look good 'cause Cora,

you know people be
forgery-ing my name.

I got to make it official.

And then I'ma come back
this way and go back over.

That way, nobody can copy it.

And then you gotta make it
look official like this.

- Oh, okay, two...
- Hold on.

- [two taps]

- Copy that.

- And Grandpa.

- CORA: Mr. Vinny.

- I ain't signing that.
- Man, we not doing this again.

Sign the paper.
- But why I got to sign?

- Because you need running
water and I need a bath.

- And if that ain't enough to
make you sign it, nothing is.

- I have a cramp in my hand.

- I bet you do from holding
that hook for all these years.

- [laughs]

- Okay, then. Fine.

- Thank you.

- Man, that's a X!

- Man, that's my name.

- You gonna sign
this paper right now.

I mean it. - Or what?

- Or I'm gonna go
lay in your bed.

And then after that, I'm calling
the Social Security office

and I'm telling them you've been
walking around here faking like

you got one hand
all these years.

- Mm!

- Look at here, son.
- JEREMY: I'll do it.

- Do not play with a man's
disability or his weed, okay?

All right, fine.

- So here we are.
We have a deal.

- This is so exciting! [laughs]

- We got it here!
- You did it, Mr. Brown.

I can't believe we in business
again in such a nice place.

- Nice place?
- Mm-hmm.

- Cora, you looked at this
trash?

- You gotta have 20/20
vision, Mr. Brown.

- Yes, you gotta have faith.

Boy, this place
is gonna be so nice.

We're gonna make so much money.

- I hope so, 'cause we got
$40,000... $40,000 in this...

- We are, we are, Mr. Brown.
You got to have faith.

I done prayed about it.
It's gonna happen.

- While you're praying...
- Mm-hmm?

- ...why don't you pray
for this demon right here?

You know that's the devil
walking around here.

If he ain't the devil,
who else would walk around,

saying they got a hook
for all these years

and turns out
he got a real hand?

- You know, it's freeing
not having that hook.

Now I can give you the finger.

- Mr. Vinny!

What is wrong with you?

- Pew!

- Before it's over, I'ma
pray all of this out of you.

- You know what, Cora?
- CORA: Hmm?

- I like you.

- Oh, that's nice, Mr. Vinny.

- I'm not gonna cuss around you.
- Thank you.

- But that polka-dot
b*stard right there?

- Mr. Vinny!

- I'm gonna say every
cuss word I can.

- Starting with this...
- Don't you say it!

{\an8} - ♪

{\an8}♪ No matter what you
do, I love you ♪

{\an8}♪ No matter where you go,
I'm behind you for sure ♪

{\an8} ♪ Always remember

{\an8} ♪ Blood ain't never water

{\an8}♪ We'll make it if
we stay together ♪♪

- Uh, wait, wait a minute.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.

You talking about this
contract here, right?

Well, it says right here...
Look at that, look at that.

Says right here that
"Money upon signing."

Booyah.

- VINNY: In ya face.

You didn't see that, did you?

- Yeah, uh, Mr. Brown?
- Mm-hmm?

- Uh, the check?

- I ain't got no money.

- Say what?

- Oh, I thought I was gonna
be able to work it off

around here using
my sexiness as a lure.

See, I was gonna be
the entertainment.

Watch that. Watch it like that.

They'd give a good offer
for something like this, Cora.

- Come on, now,
give 'em the check.

- I ain't going over there.
He stinks.

He smell like sanitation.

- Well, look, as soon as
you give him the money,

then we can get the water turned
on and I can get cleaned up.

- Sounds good.

- You give it to him 'cause
I'm not going near him.

He probably got... you probably
got stink residue on you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Ah, this is amazing!
This is amazing!

Here.

- Wait a minute. Hold up.

Just hold up one minute. - What?

- How the hell we know
this check is good?

- The check is good.

- I don't trust a man with that
much damn polka dot on him.

- And I don't trust a man
that wear solid colors.

- Then we even
- All them colors the same.

Who would do such a thing?

Wear clothes with two colors.

- Well, who would wear clothes
that look like cat vomit?

- Oh! Hold on, wait.
Grandpa... Grandpa Vinny.

- Nah, I don't... I
don't like this.

I don't like this at all.
- Will you stop it, Grandpa?

- No, this... this
don't even feel right.

- You still gotta
take a Dana test.

- I'm not taking no test.

- Me and Cora stood at that
bank for three hours for them

to count that $40,000 worth of
change and you gonna take it.

- That's right.
- Okay.

Can... can we all
just shake hands and...

- I'ma just wait for
the water to get turned on

before I shake his hand.

- Well, I can go and call
the plumber right now.

- Sounds like a good idea.
And then we can get this place

all cleaned up and
painted and decorated.

- LEAH: Ooh, yes!

- I'm so, so thankful.

Move, baby. - Ooh! You rough!

- Just give me a hug, man.
- No, don't.

You stink. I don't want you
to... don't put...

Don't come over here touching
me. That's nasty.

You still stink.

- Would you stop that?

- Look, guys, this
is gonna be great.

I'm gonna call the plumber,

see if he can start
working right now.

- Yeah, you just do that.

Uh, which one of these
gonna be my room?

- Say what?
- What?

- What?
- What?

- You livin' here?
- Yeah, I got money.

I gotta watch my investment.
I don't know you like that.

- Oh, damn.
- What is it, Grandpa Vinny?

- Y'all gonna let this
b*stard live here?

- CORA: Mr. Vinny...
- I know my daddy.

- You see... you see what
he doing right there?

And you want that in the house?

I'ma tell you right now...

he gonna have me in jail.

- Mr. Vinny!

- I'ma do like the young people.

If you feel like you want this
smoke, come on with it, then.

- Okay, well, I will
come on with it.

- You ain't harder than me.
- Yeah, I'm harder!

- If you feel like you
want some of this smoke...

- Yeah, I feel like
I want some of this.

I'm feeling myself.

- You can't feel yourself
more than I can feel...

- Yeah, that's what I want.
I want it all.

- You feel it...
- Enough! Enough!

- No, no, him in here
ain't part of the deal.

- My money, and my money, and
my $40,000 is part of the deal.

Now jump.

- No jumping, Grandpa.
You know your knees.

- It's my foot gonna be
in his a*s, not my knee.

- Okay, y'all.
Mr. Brown, I got you.

Look, we got plenty of rooms.
We gonna find you one.

- You get him, 'cause I'll take
his teeth out and bite him.

I just want a beautiful room.

I need a nice view. - Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause I'm a "colostrophobic."

- I... I... I got the
perfect room for you.

- Oh, yeah.
I get clos... I just go crazy.

- We don't want that.

- You ever been
"colostrophobic"?

I was in the elevator one time.
And I went crazy.

Like, I just... [grunts]

Somebody get me!
Somebody get me!

- CORA: Mr. Brown!

- I knocked the
snot out of myself.

I got it on his hat.
I got it off.

- I know damn well you ain't
got an old booger on my hat.

- Come on, show me the room.
- Okay, yup.

Baby can you, uh, call the kids

and tell them to come
downstairs for dinner?

- All right.

- Well,... they're not here.

- Where are they?

- Well, when y'alls was outside,
scrubbing down Stank Man...

they went down the road.

- Grandpa Vinny,
where did they go?

- The hell if I know.

- You know what?
I'm... I'ma call her, baby.

- Uh, question.

While y'all dealing
with all the drama...

who gonna show me to my room?

- Mr. Brown, they
trying to find they kids.

- Cora, I don't care.
I don't know them kids.

- Well, I'll help you
find a room. Come on.

- How you gonna tell me what
room? You been here before?

- Well, we looked around.

- Cora, don't tell me
you've been creeping.

- CORA: Well, maybe.

- Sandra, baby,
this is your mom.

Where are you?
Call me back, okay?

- Let me tell you
about your kids.

- Grandpa Vinny.

- They don't listen
to no damn body.

- They listen to us.
- No, they don't.

That's why I tell you
you got to beat that a*s.

Beat it in the morning.

Beat it in the afternoon.

Beat it in the
middle of the night.

Speaking of that,
I need to go to my room.

If you need me,
I'll be beatin' it!

- Disgusting!

- Baby, where could
these kids have gone?

- I don't know,
but we'll find them.

- ♪

- Cora, we oughta jump him.
- Mr. Brown, don't do that.

- Don't worry about them doors!
They don't work anyway!

- Any luck?
- No. I looked everywhere.

- Did you clean up anything
while you was looking?

This place is filthy.

- Mr. Brown!

- Where did they go?

- They're headed
toward the mall.

- Oh, excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.

Wait a minute.
Why didn't you tell us that?

- Because nobody asked me.

- Yes, we did.

- Well, you did, actually,
but I don't give a damn.

- You know what?
- Them ain't my kids.

I spent my whole
life avoiding kids.

- Yeah, we know.

- I got a pocket
full of condoms.

- Look, y'all are
nuts, this is crazy.

The kids, they're
grounded immediately.

- Well, look, this
is the country.

They can't get into no trouble.

- Ah, I don't know about that.

- What?

- I remember when I
was about 13 years old.

And then I... I...

- Was grabbed, tagged,
and put in a zoo.

- That... that's... you so ignorant.

That ain't... this
a serious story.

- I'm sorry. Go ahead.

- Like I was saying,
I was 12 years old.

- No, you weren't.
You said you was 13.

- Okay, okay.
Is this your story?

- No, I'm sorry.
- I was there.

Hey, Cora? - CORA: Huh?

- I ain't never tell you this,

but I was walking
through the jungle,

and I was going
downstairs in the jungle.

- Going downstairs
in the jungle?

- Come on, just picture me.
Stay with me and my story.

And then I went back over.
- Okay.

- I went back over, and
there were some leaves.

And all of a sudden, pew!

- What?
- I fell!

- What happened?

- I fell 1,000 inches.

It was a well, Cora.
- CORA: What?

- I would've died if it had
not been for this old dog.

- What... what dog?
- Lassie, Cora.

- That's not helping this
situation, Mr. Brown.

- I was so cold.

All I had was a
rock and some water.

And I put that rock in there.

And I made rock soup.

- That's it.
I'm calling the police.

- No need. I already called.

- No, no, no.
Y'all... y'all need to relax.

It's just them damn kids.
Who the hell cares?

And it's the country. I mean,

they can't get
in no trouble here.

- Ah!
- Mr. Vinny!

- That's what my daddy thought.

And then, when I fell in that
well, I didn't tell y'all...

people were dead in there.

People have woke up dead!
- Would you stop it?

- But I... I'm alive.
You see I'm alive.

I could've been dead.
- Mr. Brown, would you stop?

- Cora, I could've been
dead, sleeping in my grave.

But the Lord saw fit...

- [front door opens]
- [doorbell rings]

- What's going on?
And where's his hook?

- Don't worry about that.

We were looking for
you and your sister.

- I was at the mall.

- Did you ask somebody if
you could go somewhere, boy!?

- Look, look, I was
just following Sandra!

- Well, where is she?
- I don't know.

I thought she'd be here.

- What do you mean?
You said you were following her.

- She got in a car
with the bus driver.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

- Wait a minute, son.

Now, you said she got
in the car with who?

- Uh, our bus driver.

- And who is he?

- I don't know.
We just met him this morning.

- Oh, Lord.

- Okay, wait, I'm
calling the police again.

- No, no, no, no, no, hold up.
Don't do that.

- Why?

- The bus driver is
the sheriff's son.

- Okay, and how old is he?

- Eighteen.

- All right, well,
my daughter is 17

and she's not
supposed to be out.

- Well, then, just let me
call the sheriff, okay?

- That's why she's so happy.
She running around here happy

'cause she running around
with some boy, huh?

- Well...
- Well what?

- You kind of were doing
the same thing... ooh!

- Now is not the time!

- It was never
the time for that.

- You just don't know
when to be quiet, do you?

- I'm just saying.

- Hey, Sheriff, how
you doing, baby?

You all right?

What you wearing?

- Grandpa Vinny, I thought
you were calling a sheriff.

- Oh-h*, I thought
you said Cheryl.

- Oh, my god.

- Girl, I'll call you back.
Stay naked.

- That's it.
I'm calling the police.

- Now you done made her upset.
Now everybody know you don't

make a woman
that's upset more upsetter.

- Mr. Brown!
- What, Cora?

- Shh!

- Shush is for the ears,
not the eyes, Cora.

- What?

- Nah, you shushing at me when
that lil' fast-tailed girl

done ran off and done...
- Mr. Brown?

- MR. BROWN: What?
- This is not our business.

- I bought in 50%,
so it is my business.

- Well, can you give
me 100% of shut up?

- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, here she comes.

Cora, here she comes.

Ooh, this 'bout to be good.
Don't you love

when they walk in
and they don't know

they gonna get a whooping?
- Will you stop that?

- She don't even know it.

She don't know she
gonna get a whoop...

- We can hear you.

- Oh, I'm not whispering?

- No.

- [whispers]
She gonna get a whooping.

- Hi.

- Baby!

Ooh!

Sandra?

- Yes?

- Where have you been?

- Well, I was doing my homework,
and then I went to the mall.

- Uh, who says you
can go to the mall?

- Mm.
- Well, I never asked back home.

- Yeah, that's when we
were three blocks away.

We're not home.

- Well, I didn't think
it would mean anything...

- Were you with a boy!?

- Yeah.

I got to go change my underwear.

- Streaked them up.

- Are you gonna lie to me?
Were you with a boy?

- Now... now technically,
it was man.

- Mr. Brown...

- Cora, you hurt my nipple.

You got the Holy Ghost?

- Are you about to lie to me?
- I wasn't.

- Sandra?

- Is that what he said?

- I'm... I'm just standing here.

Look, I just told
them what I saw.

- Look, we need to
talk to you, okay?

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm. Come on.

- Ooh.
- She about to get a whooping.

- Now.

- Hey, look, girl.

- What?

- I wouldn't go over
there if I was you.

- Mr. Brown!
- What, Cora?

They about to tear her tail up.

- Go and talk to your
parents, sweetheart.

- Don't go and talk to
your parents, sweetheart.

- What are you doing?

Go on and talk to
your parents, baby.

- Don't do it.
- Don't confuse her.

Go talk to them.
- Don't talk to them.

- CORA: Go on, girl.

- Cora!
- What?

- Wait, I thought
you was a Christian.

- I am a Christian.

- Well, why are you sending
a lamb off to the slaughter?

- She shouldn't have lied.

- Now you in they business.

- Well, suffer the little
children to come unto me.

And she needs some
suffering today.

'Cause I would
tear that tail up.

- Cora, you don't
know how to whoop.

- Yes, I do.
- Show me how you whoop.

Cora, you can't...
You about to have...

- Madea used to kick me.

She used to do everything.

- That's child abuse.

- Don't talk when
grown people talking.

Or you gonna be abused. - Right.

- And it didn't become
child abuse until 1984.

Before that, it was
whooping the tail.

That's what we did.
We simply whooped the tail.

Say it with me.
- Whooped the tail.

- Now, you's too proper.

You go to them
little private school

where they ain't
whipping the tail.

- Whoop the tail.

- Whoop the tail!
- Whoop the tail!

I... I thought it was
tearing that a*s up.

- Boy...
- Wait a minute now.

Wait a minute.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!

- ♪

- You wanna tell us the truth?

- Okay, fine. I was with Lindor.

- What the hell is a Lindor?

- Dad, he's such a sweet guy.

- Oh, so you got in
the car with him.

- He's the bus driver.

I'm gonna be getting into
the car with him every day.

- Mm-mm, mm-mm.

- No, no, who are you
getting smart with?

- Look, what is the big deal?

- The big deal is, is that
you didn't tell anybody...

- Mom!

- ...that you were
going anywhere. No!

I need you to listen to me!

Sex trafficking is
at an all-time high!

Kids are disappearing.

They're being kidnapped
every single day.

And you should've told
somebody you were going

some... [gasps]... where.

[pants] - Come on, baby.

- Mom, I'm sorry.

- You're grounded.

- What? Dad?

- Look, you heard
what your mother said.

You're grounded.

- But... but this is so unfair.

- Look, what you did by
worrying us was not fair.

I mean, look at us.
Look at your mom.

- But...
- Look, you're grounded.

- But...
- No, no, no, no.

I don't wanna hear it.
- Well, I... I...

- Go to you room.
- I don't have a room here.

I share it with Philip.

- Yeah, well go to that
room and get out of my face.

- ♪

- [sniffs]
- Okay. It's alright.

- ♪

- What's going on with her?

- It's okay, baby. Come on.

- I just...

- I know.

- ♪

- I gotcha, baby. I gotcha.

- [cries]
- Come on.

- [whooshing]

- ♪

- ♪