02x03 - I Know Why the Caged Homie Sings

[bunniefuu]

That's right. That's right.
We coming in hot.

Now another Sears
is just prison-issue clothes.

It's the same clothes, n*gga.

- I never slammed my tit in a door.
- Damn.

I like to be just a n*gga up here.

And then down here,
something just a little weird.

Flash is just like
My Little Pony-type sh*t, like...

You think you're better than us

'cause you still have
custody of your kid?

Yes!

Or why do you know
how many kids you've got?

So when I was locked up, right?

I used to work in the kitchen, right?

And I used to take sh*t
from the kitchen and sell it back.

So n*gg*s used to
put in orders, so...

whatever I could find,
I'd bring it back.

So my man put in an order
for tuna fish.

They didn't have tuna fish that day.

So when I came back,
I'm handling my business

and he's like,
"Yo, you got that tuna fish?"

I'm like, "Nah, they ain't had
no tuna fish today."

He's like, "The f*ck you mean,
they ain't had no tuna fish today?"

I was like, "n*gga, it's jail.

Like, they don't always have
f*cking tuna fish.

What the f*ck are you talking about?"

He got offended. He's like,
"You know who the f*ck I am?

You know who the f*ck I am?
My name Big Bone, n*gga.

I'm-a knock you the f*ck out
and slide up in you."

I was like, "Wow."

- Wow!
- For tuna?

Yeah. And then I just had him.

And that's the sitcom
that me and Mike Yard are pitching.

It's true. On NBC.

I know when my brother went to jail,
it changed everything. Right?

Like... And my mother
believed in anything less.

You know, she became
a very apathetic person

while my mother was very much a

"If you do the right thing,
the right thing will happen.

If you're a good person,
people are good to you."

And that changed in her.

And my stepdad. He was doing like
a '90s amount of crack, I would say.

And he went to doing
an '85 amount of crack

on dogs!

And not for nothing,
when my brother came out

- he was f*cking changed.
- Right.

And it's like, how could he not be?

But you know what I mean?
It was a lot.

It was a lot to see my brother
be the man that he was.

He was never this type of dude.

My brother was happy-go-lucky.

He never had a problem
eating whipped cream.

Now he's weird about it.

He's holding his f*cking fork
like a knife.

My son, the other day got a lollipop

and immediately start biting it.

I was like, "What you doing?"

He only do that 'cause I do it.
I don't suck on nothing.

You know what I'm saying?

Because I'm in a place
where you couldn't.

- That is real.
- You know what I'm saying?

- I don't... literally don't
- It's real.

I don't know. It's not like...

doing that is gonna undo
the sh*t that they've done.

You know what I'm saying? Like...

You can't un-steal a purse.

You can't un-m*rder someone.
You know what I mean?

But you can, you know what I mean,
try to rehabilitate somebody.

- And...
- Who gonna do that?

The system that's set up
is supposed to do that.

It seems like
that's not a goal, though.

But that's what the framework
of this system is

from the outside.

Then you have the other side of it

where you have now,
the people who arrested you.

Right? And the people
who investigated you.

Now, those people are looking at you
from a completely different lens.

They're looking at you
like you're a scum of the earth.

You know, they built careers on

putting people like you away

taking people like you
off the street.

So, you know,
they look at your family

as a failure, to be honest with you.

And I remember being in court, and...

it was a black magistrate.

And my mother was just
literally asking the magistrate

a few questions in-between sessions

because she was just
trying to get a better grip

on what was going on with her son.

The way he approached my mother

was something that never
ever... ever left me.

You know what I mean? Like...

He kept referring to my mother and
my people and my family, but like

"No, you people. You people."

The sh*t don't stay contained
with the prisoner.

I don't think a lot of times,
people think about that.

They go, "This is a bad person,"
or, "They did a bad thing."

"They need to go away."

But it's like,
you're breaking up a nucleus.

Really appreciate y'all being here.
I just wanna say that first.

My brother went to jail
and it was... it was hard.

So I really wanted to just...

talk to you guys
about that experience.

- Okay.
- What kinda

- got you there first, and then...
- Right.

...what the aftermath
of all that was?

I was operating a business
without the proper licensing.

- Okay. Okay.
- Right. Called, "Narcotics."

Yeah. In the end
I wind up

receiving
a 151-month sentence

for my first offense.

So then how old are you?

When it all happened?
I was eight. Third grade.

- I was 12.
- Before...

yes, you was being incarcerated

what is happening with you guys?

Before incarceration

we're your "typical family."

I mean, we grew up very well.

We went to private schools.

We went to some of the best schools.

We got to do every extracurricular
activity you could think of.

I mean, I personally got to do
everything I wanted to do as a child.

- Karate, violin, dance.
- The reason why

'cause she's four years.
She's the oldest.

So I had her four years to myself.

- Without...
- That's what he's going with.

Yeah...

- I know.
- I got to do everything.

I love that he knows
he still needs to clarify.

Yeah... yeah!

You didn't do it...

So where your family, where it's...

"Wow. This family
is such a great family."

Because we were.
And we loved each other

and we still love each other now.

But, like, on the outside looking in

it's that family, picture perfect.

So what is it like
once you're hearing the swirls?

A shift is coming.
Something has happened.

So I think the first time
I ever heard the word jail

my parents were
in a disagreement, and we were...

I was on my way
to my brother's soccer game

and it just blew up. It was like

"I'm going to jail
in this amount of time.

I'm taking them."

And I was like, "Jail?"

'Cause we went to Catholic school.

- So the only...
- Me too.

Yes. Okay. So you get it.
The only time you hear jail is like

if you do bad things,
you're going there.

- And bad people.
- Yeah, bad people go to jail.

What do you mean? You're my dad.

I felt a lot of emotions.

Right? I felt emotions
of disappointment within myself

because I didn't know
that my previous actions

was gonna cause such a... effect

on my children and on my family,
and whatnot.

And it was rough.
And then on the same token

then, I got to prepare
for another journey.

So now I gotta get my mind
because the rules in society

aren't the rules in prison.

So I was very, you know,
sad, depressed

and too many... because I knew now

I'm gonna miss
so many of their activities.

Because I was saying to myself

"I'm gonna be gone three Olympics."

- Yeah.
- I'm like, "Dang.

- I'm gonna be gone three..."
- I feel like every n*gga...

like, calculates...
it's the time difference.

Yeah... I'm like...

I thought I'd be gone three Olympics.

Yeah, I thought
it'd be three Olympics.

Gone! God damn!

I wasn't a violent person

when I went into prison.

I don't mind

it being where
I don't have everything

but I do mind
if you're not trying to change.

If you're trying to put me
back into society

with nothing.

It does feel like
there's this feeling like this...

this need we have in society
to know that these n*gga have it bad.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, you always hear this sh*t.
The prisoners be like

"Yo, we just want better conditions."
You know what I'm saying?

"The bed we sleep on
is f*cking hard as sh*t."

Or, "This is that,"
and, "This is that."

And this is like simple sh*t.

And it's not like
giving a n*gga a softer bed

or some healthier food
is gonna change the fact

that he's sleeping
next to a f*cking toilet.

So why are you so hung up?

Some people may feel like

the people here took something.

Or they was a detriment to society.

Everybody doesn't
get the same treatment.

But that plays into
the other sh*t, too. Right?

'Cause I look at the same sh*t
when you think about like...

white-collar prisons.
You know what I'm saying?

And it's like, "In white-collar
prisons, they playing tennis."

Or... you know what I'm saying?

They're growing hydrangeas and...

And there's a sentiment that's like

"Oh damn.
Why do they have it so good?"

And it's like, instead of asking
why they have it so good

why aren't we asking
why all prisons can't be that way?

But I do think some of it
is at our core.

As people

we need to know
that y'all are suffering because

for us, the good people,
if you have what we have

what does it say about us?

Like, what's our reward
for being good?

And it's like, I don't know, n*gga.

Maybe not sleeping
below a n*gga that jerks off

to like, porno Looney Tunes.

Maybe that's
what you get out of this.

Hi, how are you doing?

- Good. Yourself?
- I'm all right.

Thank you for being here.
Please have a seat.

Hi. How are you?

So you guys were
all chosen to be here

because you have
strong opinions about justice

and a deep need for $30 and a Yeti.

So I'm gonna spell out
some cases for you.

And I want you guys to tell me

what sentence you think
they should get.

All right. First case.

Let's talk about a shoplifting ring

where a thousand dollars' worth
of merchandise was taken

by these hoodlums.

I guess there's a lot of factors
to consider.

Yeah. Especially with... You know,
she has a baseball bat. I mean...

is that to look tough, or...

Okay. So what if I told you that
these hoodlums that I speak of

stole from an Urban Outfitters?

And as we all know,
when you shop at Urban Outfitters

most of the time you feel
like they're stealing from you.

Three years.

Okay. Well, what if I told you
these b*tches were strong?

Like, some Ocean's Eight
or Roller Derby b*tches?

Roller Derby b*tches?

Would it change your mind
if I told you

that they didn't get caught
inside the Urban Outfitters

but actually outside,
where they crashed their vehicle?

But keep in mind they didn't hit
any kids or any old people

or no sh*t like that.
Just a Lime scooter.

How much time do you think
they should get?

Were they under
any type of influence?

Let's say they were
drinking NyQuil and Sprite.

Robo tripping.

I'm for probation.

All right. Next case.

A man gets arrested
for domestic violence

against his wife in his home.

How much time do you think
this person deserves?

- Ten years.
- Ten years, yeah.

And then would have to go
to some classes and management.

Okay. Now what if I told you
that this person

was a police officer?

And not just any cop

the kind of cop that plays basketball
with black kids in the park.

I mean, if he's beating
on his wife on Saturday, but

you know, playing basketball
with the kids on Sunday

that doesn't really
make a difference.

Okay.
Interesting you chose the weekend.

Now, what if I told you the domestic
violence we're talking about

it's just a good old mushing?

You know, a strong hand to the face
and a swift kick to the behind?

I didn't like the way
he was mushing her.

So you've never mushed before?

- I can't say.
- I mean...

who amongst us hasn't mushed?
I mush all the time.

Old lady here, young person there.

If we're locking people up
for mushing, what's next?

We're gonna be throwing people
in jail for taking a sh*t?

'Cause if that's the case,
you might as well

put the cuffs on me right now.

Now what if I told you
that the man you're sending to jail

is one of the greatest shortstops

The Pawtucket Sea Dogs
has ever seen?

You'd be taking away a championship
from a town that needs it.

Also, what if I told you

he had a semi-g*y experience
over the spring...

And his wife stopped
sleeping with him.

So that semi-g*y experience
is becoming

even more g*y by the minute.

Sounds like sending him to jail
would probably be a reward for him.

All right. Next case.

Here's the case of a woman

who stabbed
her male roommate to death.

What do you think we should do
with this monster?

- Life in prison.
- Life.

Now, what if I told you
she stabbed him 12 times?

One time for every time
he left his shoe in the foyer.

But to be clear,
this was an all-leg stabbing.

No vital organs,
just f*cking them legs up.

- But he died right?
- He did die.

There's a lot of muscles
and tendons in those legs.

So that hurts.

Okay. Now, what if I told you
this woman just had a baby

and she didn't stab him 12 times?

She stabbed him 32 times.

But he had a habit

of putting her titty milk
on his Honey Bunches of Oats.

I can't.

Now I ask you, is there a price
you could put on titty milk?

If there is,
you might as well flip my nip

and lock me the hell up.

Titty milk is priceless.

Did she label it,
"Titty milk," though?

- Was it in the fridge with a label?
- If she labeled it, "Titty milk"...

I think it was pretty clear
it was titty milk.

- Nah, it's definitely...
- Yeah.

Okay. Well, what if I told you that
she actually stabbed him 58 times?

And it was f*cking senseless.

This lady is out of her mind.

How much time are you giving
this crazy b*tch?

Now, before you answer

I just want you guys to keep in mind
that she had some big old t*tties.

- Life.
- Yes. A lot of years.

Even with the big old t*tties?

Could produce more milk.

Valid point, sir.

Well, just, you know,
you added the big old t*tties.

So one of the things was the milk,
she could've produced more.

- So no need to k*ll a man.
- No.

She's got a whole farm
in them t*tties.

- That's right.
- Fair enough.

Now your dad is gone.

Personally, inward, like for real...

what changes in you?

I don't know who I would've been
if he didn't go.

So I can only work
with the knowledge that I have

with him being physically absent.

And a shift, if anything...

I think a lot of
the mental health issues that I had

onset a lot sooner
than they would have

if he wasn't gone.

Did you feel anything...

like, I can say for me

confidence changed.

You know, like, I felt

a little more despondent. Like...

I was a Disney kid.

Truly. I believed
in that type of sh*t.

And I believed that...

- substantially less.
- Yeah.

There was those kinda
emotional shifts in me

where I was like

"Nah." Now it's a little skewed.

Life is different
than the Disney movies.

How do you think that affected you
relating to other kids?

My mindset was

"I have my younger brother and sister

and it's my job now
to make sure they're okay."

- Like...
- So you took on a parental role?

Yeah. I took on a parental role.

Like it was my job to make sure

everything that my dad
could have done... like

would have done, would've tried to do

I wanted to make sure
I could try to do.

You saw a hole

- and you're like, I gotta fill it.
- Yeah.

Which means you had
a good example of a dad.

- Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
- So you didn't...

You didn't wanna let
what was built crumble.

- Absolutely.
- Yeah.

With all your ill*gal activity,
you did a good job of just...

- Thank you. Thank you, I got you.
- ...doing all the other stuff.

- You know what I'm saying?
- Yes. Yes.

Can I ask a tough question
to all of you?

- Absolutely.
- Yeah.

- You broke the law.
- Absolutely.

There was a law.

- We understand that.
- Yeah.

Something, I guess,
needed to happen.

And that's also arbitrary.
I don't know that it did.

But as a people that have gone
through this f*cking experience

what do you wish would've happened?

Is there some half-and-half program
that could have happened?

Is there some financial penance
that could have happened

that wasn't just
a removal from society

and the things you loved

- and the things that keep you human?
- Right.

Well, one thing I did
was go through therapy.

I think that's a key component
to anybody that's gone

for long periods of time.

Or even a short period of time

because your mental...

health is important.

So we should just be locking
n*gg*s up with one white b*tch

and a coffee mug

and just be like,
"Hey bro, you gotta talk."

Right.

"You're not gonna leave here
until you talk."

You ain't gonna leave here
until you talk.

You just gotta
Good Will Hunting these n*gg*s.

Yeah, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen

it's time for Crime Corner.

The show that talks petty crime
with the pettiest of criminals.

Sometimes they're redeemed,
and sometimes they're just mean.

But every time, they're family.

Now give it up for your host

the Paul Masson-sippin',
nickel-bag buyin'

telling you how it is straight-up
and never lyin'

Sam's actual real-life,
for real-for real cousin...

Cousin Gee.

This is Crime Corner,
and I am Cousin Gerald.

- What's going on? What's going on?
- What's going on, brother?

Not much.

Give it up to the band,
Ten Vocals and the Holy Rollers.

- That's what I'm talking about.
- Thank you.

Tell me how you've been.

Just sitting in here, you know.

taking it a day at a time,
that's all. How you been?

I was just on Newberry Street

and I went to Stephanie's.

And I was thinking
about how we were kids

how we would always go down there

and we would steal
the tips off the tables.

You know, from people eating outside

we would the books,
and take the tips out?

And I was like, "Damn,
that was, like, a real crime."

Not really.

They left it there just for us.

So man, what guests we got today?

Our first guest, he's been getting
in trouble since the age of 14

around the same time I started.

Let's welcome to the stage, Dash.

All right. All right.

- Right.
- What is up, bro?

All right. So, Dash

- how you feeling tonight?
- Can't complain, man.

You know what I mean?
I'm glad I'm here with y'all, man.

- Glad to have you here.
- All right. All right.

What made you start
getting in trouble at that age?

I just liked staying out too late
and doing dumb sh*t

at a early age.
You know, like around 14, 15

I started playing with fireworks,
sneaking out, taking the car.

And I remember it was
maybe my 14th birthday

I exploded this girl's trash can
in my neighborhood.

We threw a firework in her trash can.

- Just f*cking around.
- Get the hell outta here.

But the sh*t caught on fire.
So, like, it was a big thing.

- And n*gg*s got locked up for...
- That's arson. Yeah.

So you went to jail
when you were 23, right?

And what was that for?

Possession,
assaulting a police officer

hindering my apprehension.

I think that was it.

And I had a few warrants
actually open from prior.

Now, you know better than
doing anything with a warrant.

And you know you better
put your ID in your shoe.

I got bagged one time

'cause the police officer
asked me what my name was.

And I told him, George Washington.
And I got two forms of ID...

a dollar and a quarter.
He said, "Yep. You're goin' to jail."

Yo, it's f*cked up.
I gave a fake name one time

and the name I gave had a warrant.

Damn.

That's what I say about me.

I'd be like, "Yo, don't never use
my name, 'cause you going down."

- In any state.
- Word.

You trying to clean your life up

or you trying to get back out there
and do some more?

I'm absolutely trying
to get my sh*t together.

You feel me?
I'm a new father, you feel me?

- Congratulations. Congratulations.
- Thank you... thank you.

All right. Okay then, that's Dash.

- Oh damn.
- All right, bro.

Congratulations to him and his kid.

Yeah. He gotta get rid of that...

that screw tattoo
on the side of his head, though.

- He need to get rid of...
- For a full transition.

You know what I'm saying?

We'll return right after
this commercial break.

I'm Colman Domingo.

As much as I love being an actor

my first true love was eating a*s.

C-U-M with me

as I travel around the world

to find out
how everyone else does it.

Cuisine, government,
dance, architecture.

f*ck all that sh*t, we eating a*s.

Eat'n a*s with me, Colman Domingo.

Every Sunday on HBO.

This show is real, y'all!

Yep. You gotta sh**t that.

Be you, be you.

Thank you.

Once again,
prison dudes is two-and-0.

Two-and-0.

We had a lotta time to practice,
if we being honest.

If we're being honest.

When I was in holding in Rikers

I got arrested
in a rayon peach short set.

And I remember
I was sitting at the table

and all the guys coming in were like

"Shorty, what you doing in here?"

- I remember that distinctly.
- Come on, man.

It became funny, when you were stuck.

You tell somebody that

some of the funniest things
that I've ever seen happen

or some of the funniest times
I've ever had

were in prison,
and they're like "How?"

I was like, "'Cause we weren't
going anywhere.

You can't be miserable all day."

- Bro, when I did...
- At some point, you have to stop.

After two days of crying, I'm like,
"You know what? This is it."

This is where I live.

This is it.

Yo, Monk, when you went away

- how old were you?
- Nineteen.

Nineteen.

What did you see for your life
before you went away?

I was in college when I got arrested.

- And I wanted to be an accountant.
- Yeah.

- Me too.
- I thought...

I thought it was
a cool professional job.

I was gonna wear a suit
and count other people's money.

- I wanted a corporate account.
- Bro...

I still have dreams
in the middle of the night.

There's still nights
where I go to sleep thinking

if I had never gone to prison

and I had started doing comedy
when I wanted to start doing comedy

I would be 40, 30 years in right now.

And my career would've been crazy.

I would've been...
during the Def Jam era

I would've been out and poppin'.

I still think about
what prison took from me.

But you know what?
When you touch fire

you immediately know
not to touch fire.

When you go to prison

the things that you're
willing to risk go away.

You're not willing
to take those risks.

- Right.
- I got this. I'm comfortable.

- Let me not chance it.
- So that's what's f*cking me up.

- Right?
- That's why it took me so long

- to do comedy. I had to get there.
- Watched my brother and I'm like

he's a n*gga
who loves pepperoni sticks now

and wearing his f*cking phone
on his belt.

And I'm like, I don't know
if you would've been that n*gga...

- Who is this n*gga?
- ...without this situation.

He's happy. You know what I'm saying?

He has two kids that are in college.

He has a house. He has a dog
that bites people sometimes.

- sh*t. That sounds great.
- You know what I mean?

- Coming from where we come from...
- But I can't let...

We can't have an average...
an average life isn't successful.

You got to do
some extraordinary sh*t.

And the thing that jail does

- is it doesn't let us see the math.
- It doesn't.

It doesn't let us see
how a person becomes.

It just spits out
a person back out to us.

- And a lot of it you won't reveal.
- Well, I can't talk about...

Or you won't tell me,
so I can't trust...

I can't trust this is him.

- No, I can't tell you. He can't...
- And not what they gave me back.

He can't trust it though.

I saw a dude get knocked out,
and I didn't talk about it.

The first time I talked about it
was like three years ago

and I've been home


For 20 years,
I never talked about it.

I saw a dude that was friends
with another dude.

They had been friends for five years
when we were locked up.

And they had a disagreement
over whose turn it was to do laundry.

The dude said,
"It's your turn to do laundry."

He said, "I did laundry last time."

He said,
"It's your turn to do laundry."

He said, "I did laundry. Last time."

He said, "Go fold my boxers, n*gga."

- He shanked him?
- No.

You getting excited. Relax.

- One punch knocked him out.
- Shut it.

- She wanted Shawshank Redemption.
- She's like...

- "Yo, poke that n*gga eye out!"
- Poke him! Poke him!

- Poke him!
- Calm down, Jackie.

- Did he f*ck him in the butt?
- He did.

- Let him tell the story.
- Well, he did.

But that's the thing.
They were friends for five years.

They trust each other.

Knocks him out with one punch,
grabs him by his boxers.

- Picks him up by his boxers.
- sh*t.

A grown man,
and walks him back to his cell.

So it took me 20 years to even
acknowledge that the sh*t happened

because that was his friend.

All I have is all these thoughts.

- Right? And he's not gonna tell...
- What did he see...

- He's not gonna tell you.
- He's not gonna tell me.

- I think the experience of jail...
- I don't wanna talk about it.

...makes you withhold...

I would be open
to whatever my brother had to say.

The way that this happens

you have to make space.

And you have to spend time

to get comfortable.
And it happened just like this.

Happened just like this.

We sitting there, and then

one day I'm riding with my mom,
and I turn and say

"That f*cking place broke me."

Yep. And that's what it...

It took whatever f*ck' nice boy

that I wanted to be.

It kicked that sh*t
out the f*cking window

because I had to be a f*cking savage

- for six years.
- To survive.

And I promise you

I don't know
how not to be f*cking savage.

We've talked about
mental health so much...

They did something to you, my n*gga.

- They don't talk about that part.
- They did something to you, bro.

They don't talk about the families
and the sh*t that you need.

Like, how much therapy
did you have to get after prison?

And you weren't there.

I was a life skills coach.
So I was there to give that.

- And you need that, though.
- So I told...

- But you needed it.
- I did.

If you gonna wipe somebody's as*h*le
that you also have to teach.

I need therapy to process
what the f*ck just happened.

But the sh*t sounds like
it's traumatic for everybody.

- It is!
- I told Jackie...

It's like, so cut it out!

Here's something
you can take with you.

His purpose might not have been

to be this "I wanna be everything."

His purpose might have been
to put that in you.

To be the best one for you.

And now that you are that...
now that you're successful

maybe that is his happy.

- That's your big brother.
- But that's the sh*t he says.

- But I'm still like, "No!"
- But see, that's it. That's it.

Then that's you being an as*h*le.

I was like, "No!"

No! No!

- You know what, that...
- No!

What did you see
for your life before you...

I always wanted to build stuff.
So I wanted to be an engineer.

And to help the family, you know.

Eventually having
a little firm of my own

where people
were under me, you know?

Stuff like that. Like you see on TV.

Looking up to you
as your little sister

I always saw like

"Oh, my brother's gonna do
something like, cool

and professional, like Wesley Snipes
in Jungle Fever."

You know what I'm saying?

Marry the white woman too?

But then...

you go away, and I guess
for me, it's kinda like...

I don't know
what's happening to you in there

but I feel like
the person we got back

wasn't the person
that went away, of course.

And you want...

I wanted that person back

as selfish as that is.

I thought I was closer
to that person than you did

because nothing much changes
when you in there.

But out here, everything changes.

Out here, everything changes.
Y'all get older.

Things that was good then
is not good now.

People's thinking is different.

Did you feel like I was different?

I thought you was madder.

You wasn't that happy girl
I left, for sure.

It definitely wasn't that.

I was angry.
How'd that make you feel?

Like I created a monster by leaving.

And I realized I played
a more pivotal part of the family

- than I ever...
- You were a central piece.

Yeah, than I ever knew.

I guess what I'm wondering
from you is like

I feel like, "Oh, I've gotten back
a more complacent person."

Who isn't...

I don't wanna sound shitty,
bro, but...

Yeah, go ahead.
Say it, speak your mind.

...who isn't as ambitious
as the person that left.

Yes. I wasn't nowhere near.

I used to sh**t for the sky.

But when I came out

I just wanted to get on my feet.
That was my thing.

Just stay under the radar

'cause I didn't want nothing
like that to happen to me again.

And you had to learn everything
for the first time, really.

How to drive, how to pay bills

- all that stuff.
- Right.

From scratch.

Then when Mom passed, that was
who taught me how to drive was Ma.

- Right.
- So I had to learn everything else

on my own.

Do you ever get that ambition back?

You get it back more
for your kids than for me.

I wanna see them
do better than I did.

I wanna see them achieve more.

Once I had Kayla, I told you,
switched everything up.

Like, "All right." I'm gonna
make sure she has healthcare.

Make sure she has a plan.

Know if she wants to...
they wanna go to college.

And make sure they have,
like money put away for that.

I make sure they always
have a roof over their heads

food in their stomachs.
Like mother did for me

I'm gonna have it for them.

That's all it's all about, man,
is being happy.

That's what you realize.
If you are happy

just be happy.

And I know you're happy.

And I know you love your children

and I know you have a good life.

But I wonder in the same way you...

had to have left something in there

will it always have
taken that from me?

Everybody learns and adjusts.

You know what I mean?
In their own time.

In time,
you'll see things differently.

Ten years from now, you'll see it
differently than you see it now.

True, indeed.

- But that's where I am now.
- Yeah.

And these n*gg*s was just bad.

They used to take bottle tops.

I don't know how they melted them

but they melted them
on top of each other

and they would connect them
to the bottom of their flat shoes.

So when they walk
through the hallway

all you hear is, click, click.

Click... click.

- In jail, n*gg*s are...
- Letting you know

they're ready to go.

- ...extremely creative, bro.
- Yes.

They took a Kool-Aid...

Vaseline and Kool-Aid made lipstick.

What's the most creative sh*t
that you did while you was in?

Yo, dudes wrap up toilet paper

- around their hand that...
- The inside of it burns

and the outside of it doesn't.

- Yes.
- And you use that as a torch

- and you put a fork or stick...
- Dunn.

- ...into summer sausage.
- It's amazing.

- And you turn it.
- It's amazing.

- And you cook it.
- It's amazing.

Then you take a little Kipper snack
that gets it a little...

- A little what?
- Kipper snack. Kipper snack.

- They drop the match in the middle.
- Sardines.

And the flames...