02x08 - Dead Momma Episode

[bunniefuu]

- Yeah...
- You said that.

Quiet down...

Did you hear this n*gga laugh?

This n*gga got the evilest laugh
I've ever heard.

I used to be scared of death

until I started watching
these Viking shows.

A grandparent is like,
"n*gga, you're tight."

- Right.
- And that's their whole

relationship with you.
They look at you and they go

"That's the dopest n*gga
in the world."

- You look lovely.
- Shut up, b*tch.

All right, that's fair.

What is ya'll relationship
with death? Do you feel like...

I just lost my mom in 2018.

- Hey, I'm sorry.
- So, the first thing I found out is

you're never too old to be parented.

You're never too old
to feel like an orphan, right?

And the circle of life, the person
who takes care of you

you then take care of, right?

So if anything,
it made me less scared.

- It's ironic. Right? Like, my mother
- Less scared?

Less scared,
because we all going to die.

It's like,
that's the only guarantee in life.

My mom died when I was 16.

It made me terrified of death

to the point where I still, like,
carry that sh*t, like

I think about death maybe


Like, if I'm on a plane, I'm like,
"Damn, what if this plane crash?"

Then I get in an Uber, I'm like,
"f*ck, what if this Uber crashed?"

What if there's a fire?
Or what if there's a m*rder*r?

What if there's a m*rder*r
that murders by fire?

Like, it's just, it's just a spiral
of sh*t, you know what I mean?

- Of like, "Yo. What the f*ck?"
- It is. It is.

I don't want to feel that way,
my n*gga.

I look at my life and where it is,
and I'm like

"sh*t, I have a good life."
And I know this thing is a little bit

in the way of me enjoying that.

Or really fully feeling that sh*t.

Because there's this kind of weight

that kind of boulder
over my head of like

"Damn, at any moment all
this sh*t could be gone

cause some crazy sh*t could happen."

Or, you can just be snatched
off this earth.

And I know that's not
a healthy relationship with death

cause like you said, it's inevitable.

When the light at the end

of a f*cking tunnel is gone,
it gets very dark.

And the understanding
of death is very hard to understand

and know how to move
within this tunnel.

You might trip over a rock.

You might get hit
in the head with a bat.

You don't know what the f*ck
anything is anymore

because the light at the end
of your tunnel is now gone.

That sanity. Like,
nobody is okay with death.

Like, I would love for Elon Musk

to figure out how I can live forever

but his a*s wants to buy Twitter.

I didn't expect you
to be a person of color.

Hey, we're everywhere.

I was dragged
into this business by a friend.

I said...

"What is this weird sh*t
that you're doing?"

And I started to buy in
to the science.

So, does cryogenics,
does it, like, work

like, Demolition Man showed us?

In a sense.

We're putting people
into liquid nitrogen

freezing them

sustaining biostasis
for an extended period of time

to when one day

technology will be able
to fix all the ailments

that are causing death today.

Like could I get frozen
in my favorite outfit?

That depends.

Do you want to be frozen
with your whole body

or do you want to be just frozen
with your head?

So if I only freeze my head right,
and I'm like

"Nah, I don't need my torso.
Cause there's going to be like

- robot bodies in the future.
- That's right.

So, I'm going to be straight."
Is it, like, cheaper?

It is cheaper. Yeah.

So, some people are only freezing
their head cause they broke?

That's right, that's right. Yeah.

It's a broke n*gga thing
to only freeze your head?

- That's right.
- How much does it cost

to freeze the head?

It's approximately $80,000

- just for the head.
- How much for the whole body?

Approximately $250,000,
depending on where you're going.

- There's different...
- What if I don't want no legs?

What if I'm just like

- "Just torso me?"
- So, you want a discount?

Just torso me, I just need my arms...

Cause the leg technology's
already there.

I be seeing them super legs
and them bouncy legs.

- Right.
- So it's like

I know the leg game going
to be straight.

There probably is a way

that we could get you
into a door without your legs.

But it's, there's no benefit
of cutting your legs off.

Do you have any fear that you'll
be unfrozen 500 years from now

and be like,
"This place f*cking stinks."

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Like you wake up in a dystopia
or some like, Mad Max sh*t.

- That's a fear.
- Or they could unfreeze you

and be like, "Go to w*r, n*gga."

Just... Like, they're just unfreezing
people to fight.

Yeah, I mean it's a... possibility.

But you have to remember

that we created this state
that we're in.

We, we were the ones
that put ourselves into biostasis

to be able to come back
in the future.

If I decided I didn't want to be
on this planet here in 200 years

we can make that happen also.

So you're saying
you could get unfrozen

go through all this process,
get unfrozen 200 years

and then you would k*ll yourself?

You'd be like, "Ah, this sucks."

And then you jump off a bridge?

It's a possibility.

I mean, If you don't know what state
that we're in the future

and you don't like the sh*t
that we're in in the future

yeah, it's a possibility.
It's an option.

Have you ever thought about the fact
that you could get unfrozen

and just like, get hit by,
like a, a bus, like a space bus?

That's right.

Would that be like, God being like,
"Ha ha, n*gga, I'm in charge."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have done that."
You know?

Don't mess, don't mess
with that... with God.

My mom died in 2018 from
a rare disease called Moyamoya.

And what Moyamoya does is
it chokes off the arteries

in the back of your head
supplying the blood to your brain.

That's how f*cked up my week was.

I was on the show.
Abby's on NBC, canceled.

The next day
I get the call from my dad.

"Yeah, your mom," like, it's,
"it's a wrap."

My mom was brain dead
by the time I got to go see her.

I lost her in the worst...

as a... heterosexual male
trying to date

trying to balance
this "celebrity status"

and who really there for...

I lost the most important
woman ever in my life.

And now all I got is her
to compare that to.

Are you worried about waking up,
or being unfrozen in the future

and like, your friends aren't there,
your family's not there?

Yes. To me,
that's the big one is family.

I don't want to come back
to this world without my family.

You have a wife, you have kids?

I have a wife and I have two kids.

You got parents alive still?

- Parents are alive still, too.
- You trying to bring them too?

- Or you're waiting to just be...
- I'm trying...

'cause they old,
are you like, "I'm done with them."

I would love to have them

- cryo-preserved.
- You bring the parents too.

- I would love to.
- If you know, like

- it's a risk, right?
- Yeah.

There's a high probability

that none of this works.

Right.

You still die, right?

Essentially.

You still leave people.

You still go through
whatever emotional-ness

that is of, "I'm leaving this earth."

I guess I'm wondering,
what are you really avoiding?

If you were to turn back time
to before your mom passed away

and you knew that was coming

would that be an option for you?

Would that be a consideration to say

"Listen, I want my mom around
in the future."

Freeze my mom, yeah.

Probably, but I don't know...

If I trust where that want
would be coming from.

Death here is a very sad thing.

- It is. Yeah.
- It's worst thing that could happen.

Like in other cultures
it's a celebrated thing.

Like Coco, they be like...

You know what I'm saying?
You watch Coco, you're like

"Damn, Mexicans leave like,
a buffet for their ghosts."

- Yeah.
- Meanwhile, we're trying

to suck ours up in a vacuum.

And have Demi Lovato
sing them to hell.

I think about my mom's funeral a lot.
And I'm like

I didn't even want to f*cking go
to that f*cking funeral, right?

Because, because, again

it's just this performative
sad thing, right?

And I think when you're a kid

before you even understand
what death is

you know, you're supposed
to feel f*cking miserable about it.

- Right.
- You see adults crying everywhere.

- It's this very like outward...
- The primal sh*t.

- it's very outward permo, like
- This planet...

- performative sh*t.
- Inception.

As an adult, I had to plan
my mother's funeral.

So the whole time I'm thinking
this could have gone better.

Why aren't the flowers in the front?

When she in the back
for the viewing? I didn't go.

And everybody was trying to go,
"Go see her."

I don't want to see
my mother made up.

She's dead.

- Right.
- Just tell me where to sign.

So, you are right. The way
we have it set up is like off.

I'm supposed to cry then go eat

- macaroni and cheese.
- Right.

And I also want to remember
my mom as I remembered her.

And what I remember is good times
watching Fraggle Rock.

- Drinking Clearly Canadian rocks.
- Fraggle Rocks.

- I love Fraggle Rocks.
- You know what I am saying?

Drinking Clearly Canadians,
f*cking sipping pink champales

to feel like I'm grown
and talking sh*t about my aunt.

- Right.
- You know what I'm mean?

- Fraggle, fraggle rocks...
- It was fun stuff, Star Wars.

And it's like none of that was
in the funeral. Nothing that...

- It's like...
- Gospel songs

- would be like, playing.
- None of that was there.

So, of course, I'm afraid,
or in some bit of a turmoil

because I didn't get to transition
the most important person

- in my life properly.
- Yeah.

- Would you do it?
- Would I do it?

You know, I don't know.

I'm not going to say
it's absolutely crazy.

I have a lot of fear around dying.

I think partially because my mom died

when I was young and I saw
how tumultuous that made my life.

And like, I have this fear of like

I don't know what's next
and that's scary to me.

And I would rather make peace
with that

than do something like this
to make peace with that

because I don't know then
that whatever is causing this fear

doesn't follow me into the...
If, if there is a future.

I'm still like, carrying this thing.

At some point,
you just have to make peace, I think

with, like, you can't control this

and you...
you really can't determine it

and you could set up
a million safe ways, but a little bit

this thing's going to play out
how it's going to play out.

And I would like
to get there emotionally.

When we constructed this episode,
my grandmother was alive

and I was talking
about my grandmother dying

- but my grandmother died Sunday.
- Sorry.

So, my grandmother's no longer here.

- Wow.
- I know watching the process.

You know,
my grandmother was 93, 94.

So, we was getting ready.

But even in that preparation,
it was chaotic

- for me.
- Of course. Yeah.

And my grandmother had 11 kids.
So, I'm just

- I'm watching bickering.
- That's a lot.

I'm watching the people
who can't accept what's happening.

So, they're, they're acting
like my grandmother was

more capable than she is.

And they're like, "Oh, we got
to keep ma's good shoes."

- It's like, this, she
- What the hell?

- "Where is she going?"
- Not aggression.

- Where is she going?
- All 11 of them were there?

She's not going to hit the jazz club
for no new d*ck.

And it felt like there was no plan

- right?
- Yeah.

I went through the same sh*t
when my mom died when I was 16.

There was no plan
for where I was supposed to go

who I was supposed to stay with.

When my grandma died, they just,
like, at the funeral, bonded.

Immediately after, it's like
about to buy, about how to buy

the headstone. Fighting, immediately.

They're like,
"Let's never fight again."

- And then every time they fight.
- I think that's what

- poverty does.
- Every single thing.

- We're all in real poverty.
- I think...

That's what I'm saying.
That's what poverty does.

It just creates chaos.

Nobody paid for the headstone.

We're not allowed
in that town anymore.

My family's not allowed in the

- in that town anymore.
- Oh, you think

- you're better than me?
- We still, we still haven't paid

- for the headstone.
- You're better than me, Jojo?

Do people tend to avoid
this process, do you find?

Oh, yeah. Well, just the end
of last week

I got a telephone call

from a guy who said

"My father won the lottery.

He's in the hospital

with stage four lung cancer.

We need to do something. I said,
"Oh, when did he win the lottery?"

He said, "Eight years ago."

I'm like, "Okay. He won the lottery
and has not done anything

until he is actually
in the hospital dying of cancer?"

And then maybe we'll do it.

I've never known death

or any of these type
of situations to be neat.

It's always been chaos.

I've never had an experience
with a family member

where they had any of this set up.
And I'm starting to think about that.

Like what happens to this stuff like,
when I die.

Like, I got an air fryer,
that's banging.

You know what I'm saying?

- Could I just write a note?
- Yup.

Like, "I give my air fryer to Jim."

And like, if someone finds it,
is that legally binding?

That assumes that you've got
the air fryer when you died.

If you don't have the air fryer,
and you refer to the air fryer

sometimes you have problems

because somebody says,
"Where's my air fryer?"

You know,
usually it's not the air fryer.

It's usually the diamond ring
that they say...

And then they could like,
trip over that?

Well, they're saying,
"I should have gotten this

cause it's written into the will."

So, I always tell people
don't promise them something

right? Unless you're going
to give it to them.

But I'm dead. So, what do I care?

Well, that's true.

It's just a bunch of people fighting

over, over it, et cetera?

There is no fight like a family fight

because it's never about
the air fryer.

It's about the fact that you tore
the head off my Barbie

when I was three years old.

What's the, like

craziest situation you've ever seen
in, in this line of work?

The craziest situation
I had was a mother died

had two daughters who fat, fight,
fought like cats and dogs.

She said I give everything
to her, to them equally.

So one took all the spoons

one took all the knives,
one took all the cups

one took all the saucers,
just to piss off the other.

- Wow.
- And it was

the most self-defeating thing
in the world.

I look at what I have now,
and I... I have some means

and I know what it was for me,
just chaos.

- And I just know, I don't want that.
- Yeah.

Whatever I can do when I leave here

and I told my nephew all the time

I don't have kids,
but I have nephews and nieces.

You know, I was just like

"I'm not going
to be a burden to you all."

I will do everything
that I can do to make all of my...

Like, I'll go find
my own old folks' home.

I'll pay.

Just come make sure
no one's touching me.

- I'll pay for the plot.
- Right. Right.

You know where to drop me up. Like...

- I just want it to be
- There'll be a plan.

- smooth in a plan
- It's definitely expensive.

because I've never seen it
be smooth in a plan.

And now I'm at a place
where I have sh*t.

I have a girl, I have a cat,
I have a air fryer. I have stuff.

I have a fiance and I don't want
to leave that on her.

I'm a l*sbian, obviously.

So, I, like, like

we don't have no kids.

We probably won't. But I got a cat.

Could I, like, leave my car
to my cat?

- You can.
- That's cool.

- There's pet trusts.
- That's cool.

They have trust that are designed
to take care of pets.

Do I have to then assign somebody
to drive my cat around?

You, probably. You've not yet seen
a cat drive itself around.

Cool.
What if I just leave it to my cat

cause, and now I just want my cat
to live in the car?

Well, the thing is that you have
to have an owner, right?

And, unfortunately pets are
considered property, not people.

So, I technically got
to leave my cat to someone.

You gotta leave, you, you provide
for your cat through a trust

and you leave the cat to somebody

and you say, look, I would like
to have my cat taken care of.

Leona Helmsley was
a classic example of this.

She left her entire empire
to her dog.

I'm going to leave my cat
to the bodega man

because they like cats.

I'm at a place now
where I think about it a lot.

While I'm getting older

I'm getting more around their age.

I have a lot of success.
I have no one to share it with.

Like, genuinely, someone
who knows me-knows me.

I don't have anyone
to give that back to.

I think about kids
and leaving them...

having them and not having
any lineage to share with them.

- Right.
- I don't have grandparents now.

- Right.
- You know. God

my grandmother's gone. I don't...

- So, if I have kids, it's like...
- What do they have?

What the f*ck do they have?

I was just saying,
what you were saying about, you know

kind of the joke about your fiance,
the cat and the air fryer

like, losing your parents.

Because sometimes
it feels like, why am I alive?

Who am I trying
to keep happy anymore?

What the f*ck does it matter?

Even if, if you feel like,
I would upset my parents.

But now you have these people
to project that love on people.

People that would be upset
if you were gone.

I've got to the point
to where I kind of wanted to...

When I do have children,
I want to change

how the experience does.

I want celebrate people's journey.
I want celebrate, you know?

- Yes, sir.
- I don't want it to be

this like,
downtrodden groovy grieving thing

that like, messes them up,
and they're depressed in it.

I don't think that's healthy.
You know what I mean?

I don't, I don't think it's a,
it's a good way

for us to have our, our goodbyes
with each other.

If we accept
that we are going to transition

I think we're still avoiding
that fact

that we don't set these things up
to have these things

because we don't want to accept
that we're transitioning or we will.

So, we don't set it up
for life for other people.

And at the end of the day,
when you don't do that

you can leave a lifetime
of mess for someone else.

- And now that's the one thing that
- And I just

- I do wanna change.
- don't want to do that.

- Do you have a will?
- Do I have a will? Yes.

Is there like, weird sh*t in there?

Like, are you, do you, are you like,
"I want my socks to go to my son."

Nope. What I've got is
everything goes into a trust.

And then what happens after that?

Well, if my wife is still living,
then it's for her benefit.

And then after I die and my wife die,
it goes to my children.

Ah, they got to wait?

- That's real.
- Not necessarily.

I might give him something
during the course of the time.

- You know? Good advice.
- Well, a little something here

- a little something there.
- Yeah.

It's like the death Hanukkah.

It's like a little advent calendar
of death?

Yep. Yep.

Could I like leave
all my strap-ons to charity?

- You could.
- In my will?

Charities don't have
to accept them though.

So, you might want to have a backup.

Could I start a like, charity
in my name as part of my will?

Yes. You could set that up.
It's not cheap, but it is possible.

I want to, I want to start
this charity, like, when I die

called Denim for d*kes.

It's basically like a program
that provides like, denim to d*kes

like jeans, and like, jean jackets,
and like, jean hats

to, like, d*kes in need.
You know what I mean?

So, it's like,
but only d*kes and only denim.

How complicated do you think
it will be

to do something like that?

Usually, I tell people start it
before you die.

That way they have some sort
of guidance

as to how to handle things,
when you start getting letters

from people saying,
would you do this in your life?

Well, prove that you're a d*ke.

How do you go about doing that?

It's kind of easy.

I had a dream and I saw my mom's face

and it was the first dream I ever had

where I've seen my mom's face

in I don't know 15, 20, like years.
Years.

And there are so many dreams
I had before

where I would be about to see her

- and I would wake up
- Yeah.

- or it would blur out.
- Yep.

- Some weird a, weird sh*t.
- Yes. Yep.

It would blur out
or it wouldn't happen.

And four weeks ago I had a dream

and I could vividly see her
and I was talking to her.

- What did she say?
- And I woke up. That's personal.

- And I woke up
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

and I realized I've come
to a place of peace

- that I wasn't at, at some point.
- Respect. Respect. Right.

I think people talk about spiritual
sh*t in all these weird ways

but they're not gone

because memories, essence,
being, is really all we are.

Echoes our spirit.

It's all we are.
So, they're not gone.

They keep growing with you.

And this whole time I could truly say
my mother has been raising me.

- In my darkest hours
- Damn.

when I didn't know who I was

or what was going to become of me.

I dug deep down
and it was her teachings.

It was her lessons.

It was her words that saved me.

So, she has been raising me
this entire f*cking time.

Sam, now drunk on power and Patron

wanders past

the White Castle System
of Broad Street

In the galaxy of Essex County.

She decides that she can prepare
for her own demise all she wants

but ultimately,
the battle won't be won that way.

And maybe some of her unease
about it still remains

because of the inauthentic way
her mother was memorialized.

And though she can't change
the way her mother was laid to rest

our brave hero forges forward

by recreating the relationship
where it all started

in hopes of bringing balance
to the Force...

Hey, mom.

Remember that lady at your job

that you would call
a short-haired d*ke?

Well, I'm one of those now.

I guess that's why
I always sat like a boy.

Anyways, I'm getting married.

It's legal now.

Yeah.

She's cool. She loud, but she cool.

I'm a standup comedian.

Sorry, but I do have
an in-unit washer and dryer.

And in New York City

that's like having a four car garage.

I am with you baby.

There's been about 20 more
Star Wars movies since you passed.

Two of them were good.

I don't got no STDs. I don't think.

I don't get tested either,
but a n*gga's not itching so...

- That's right.
- Yep. Yep.

I remember what you said
about being a bully.

So, I try to be a righteous one.

G sees ghosts.
He said he saw you before.

And I was like, "Yo, chill, bro.
Don't bring that sh*t over here."

But now that I'm older
I wouldn't mind if you popped up.

Just not at night,
cause I'm scared of the dark.

I am getting money,
got a little bit of power.

Brought the Fraggles back to HBO.

For the day, but they back.

By the way the Earth's dying.

And also there's this white kid
named Jake Paul

who keeps knocking n*gg*s out
and wearing their jerseys.

It's really sad.
He set us back like to when you died.

The Cosby Show's
on fewer channels nowadays.

Not going to really get into
the details as to why

but I still think Cliff Huxtable is
a pretty solid dude.

Yeah. Yes.

They got rid
of the 25 cent bag of chips.

It's now 75 cent.
And it's really not that much bigger.

Kind of what they do is just fill it
with more air

which really... pisses me off.

But it's kind of like, yo, I get it,
inflation, but also, f*ck you a...

Excuse me. Sorry, mom.

I grew up and I made
this friend named Matt Richards.

He's going to hang himself over
the Hudson this summer for comedy.

Anyway

I think you two will be seeing
each other really soon.

He gonna to die.

Anyway, mom, I love you.

You'd be so proud of me.

I've got this development deal
with HBO

to make this new show called
Eating a*s with Coleman Domingo.

We've already shot three episodes.

It's kinda part of my overall
deal with them.

It's literally a lot of ins and outs.

I don't want to get
into it or anything

but just know even if it doesn't go

your girl made some money
off these crackers.

- Yeah.
- Girl.

Sorry, I got you out here
looking like a sl*ve.

You were supposed to
be Amelia Bedelia

but we black.

I did, however, get a band

to sing your favorite
Manhattan Transfer song.

So you say

It's a feeling I'll get over someday

So you say

So you say

I should try

Just to let the flame inside me die

I should try

So you say

So you say

That the world will keep on turning

So you say

- So you say
- Tell me why

Tell me why

All the stars have lost their mystery

- Oh, tell me why
- Tell me why

Tell me how

So you say

That the pain of love will pass away

So you say

- So you say
- So you say

- Oh yeah! Yeah.
- Bravo! Bravo!