01x03 - Politics and Sausages

[bunniefuu]

[cell phone pings]

[sighs]

[cell phone pings]

[in English]
Hi.

I'm sorry. I just came in here,
I'm like ambushing you.

I just really wanted
to ask you something.

-Really?
-Yeah.

I need to talk to you too,
actually.

Oh, Okay.

Okay, do you want to go first?

[clicks tongue]

No.

[chuckles] Okay.

Okay, I'll go.

[clears throat]

Okay,
it's a little bit embarrassing.

Oh, yeah. mine is also
a bit embarrassing. So, yeah.

Is there any way
that you would like to have sex

with me right now?

I'm sorry, I know it's weird.
It's just...

That's all I've been thinking
about all morning

and I can't even focus on work.

So, I think there's just one way
out of this.

Oh, my God. You don't think
I'm a freak, do you?

No, or a very nice freak.

[chuckles]

Beautiful freak.

You think I'm beautiful?

Yes!

Of course.

-Can I take these off?
-Yeah.

[fake grunts]

-No, I'm kidding.
-Are you Okay?

[tense music]

What was your thing,
by the way?

-What?
-What was your thing?

Oh, the sex thing.

-Me too.
-Really?

Oh, my God!

-Samy?
-[knocking on door]

Samy, you in there, bro?
Dude man?

Did you pass out
while defecating?

It happens.
I saw a video online.

Can you go away, please?

I'll wait till you finish.
Will that take long?

No, not really.

Yeah, it will be very long.

Just tell me,

did you break up with
your n*zi girlfriend or not?

-You have a girlfriend?
-No!

You should be bumping
on the word "n*zi"

and I don't have a girlfriend.

-Do you?
-No!

-Promise?
-Yeah.

Yesterday you said you wanted
to end things with Ma...

[blabbering]

-Did you wash your hands?
-Yes.

-They're not wet.
-Because I dried them.

I didn't hear the dryer.

What do you want?

[sighs]

Just want to let you know
Maurice is here.

-Why didn't you just say that?
-I didn't want to stress you.

The intestine
is like a second brain.

[in French]

[in English]
What are you doing?

[in French]

[in English]
I'm gonna clean out

-my second brain.
-No, you cannot go inside.

-No?
-No.

You cannot go in the toilet.

Michel doesn't want anyone
in there.

-You were just in there.
-Yes, but...

No Germans.

Because of the w*r
and everything.

-It's a joke? A French joke?
-Sorry.

-Because it's not funny.
-It's Michel, he's...

Dude, we did apologize, Okay?

Several times.

And I was born after the w*r,
if you do not see that.

[in French]

[in English]
Plus!

my friend, you are the one
who is f*cking a n*zi!

Stop with that word!

The "F" word?
You're afraid of the "F" word?

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

The "N" word!

The "N" word?

-I would never say the "N" word.
-n*zi.

[in French]

[in English]
Anyway,

I'm sorry for everything
that happened.

But I cannot allow
any more discrimination

-against my people.
-Wait, no!

[in French]

[door closes]

[in English]
I feel like

the German Rosa Parks
of toilet blocks.

How did it go with Maurice?

Fine. It's Okay.
It's all sorted.

-I'm good.
-Tschüss.

-So sorry.
-[chuckles] My God!

-I'm so sorry about this.
-It's okay.

I... He was...

Yeah, it was terrible.
It's okay.

I kind of liked it.
I felt like that...

What's the name...

The kid that hides in the attic
in Amsterdam?

-Anne Frank?
-Yes, exactly.

Even though I heard
that's all fake. Did you know?

[door opening]

[in French]

[upbeat music]

[in English]
I really like

when you speak French.

It's so cute.

Yes, I have experience
in international politics

finance regulations and
I'm a strong believer in free

enterprise. It would be great
to move back to London.

I've always wanted to work
in the City.

-That would be...
-[clattering]

What's going on?

f*cking Brexit! They're moving
the whole department

to f*cking Frankfurt!

-All right.
-I can't move.

I want to see my kid grow up
every other weekend.

[crying]

It's all right, Kenneth.

Who's that?

This lady is applying
for a job here.

[sobbing]

Good luck.

-Thank you.
-Sorry, sorry.

-I'm pathetic.
-No, it's all right...

It's fine, you're upset.

Maybe you should stay
in Brussels, Rose.

-Brexit is k*lling us here.
-In Brussels?

What do you do in Brussels?

It's finance regulations
and legislation, really.

The two main things I do.

Is this a f*cking Brexit poster
behind you?

I don't know what that was,
but, personally, I actually lean

-to a more...
-She's f*cking pro-Brexit.

No, that's...

You have ruined my life,
you f*cking twat!

-Calm down.
-No, I'm not calming down!

She's not gonna pay
for my f*cking mortgage!

You, you never come back
to London,

you f*cking slag or I'll...

f*ck you!

-Okay.
-Why don't...

Stop that f*cking bullshit!

[laptop pings]

Bye.

[groans]

Idiot!

[quirky music]

[in French]

[clears throat]

[gasps]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[sighs]

[cell phone ringing]

[upbeat music]

[in English]
Sorry, I...

No, it's your office.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

I have the weirdest déjà-vu.

Are you here
to have sex with me?

Christ, no!

That's a strong reaction!

Can I use your office for
a Skype job interview tomorrow?

-Oh, sure, yeah.
-Yeah?

-Good.
-But...

-In exchange...
-Finish that sentence

and I'll Me-Too you
out of this building.

What do you know
about compromise amendment?

There are two ways
to build a coalition.

Number one is to convince people

that what you propose
is fantastic.

That's the hard way.

What's the second option?

The second option is to split
the opposing coalition.

But you've not got
any leverage, so...

Why would you say that?

You have to present a compromise
amendment tomorrow morning

and I am teaching you
what it is for the fourth time.

Yeah.

Plus, you have a Spanish front
against you.

You can't play off one
nationality against another.

-Oh, sh*t.
-Sorry.

I f*cked it up, right?

Well, yeah, but don't sweat it.
You tried to save

the most notoriously
unpopular animal on the planet.

[cell phone pings]

-Ingeborg.
-Christ, that woman is scary.

She's not that terrible.

She's just trying
to make things move her way.

That's Stockholm syndrome.

Stockholm what?

Syndrome. Look it up.

-You staying?
-Yeah.

I have a lot of work to do.

Plus,
I haven't found a flat yet.

[sighs]

-Sorry.
-Yeah.

[cell phone pings]

I have to take this.
It's my boyfriend, Sayeed.

Long-distance relationships
are tricky.

Hi.

[door opening]

-Yes, sorry, I didn't have time.
-Bye.

[door closes]

[cell phone clatters]

[sighs]

[chuckling]

[indistinct chattering]

[in French]

[clears throat]

[sighs]

[applause]

[clears throat]

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chattering]

[in English]
I'm looking forward

to coming back to London,
it's an exciting challenge.

I've had a look
at your company's...

Perfect. I was researching,
it's not on your résumé,

but you actually do work
for a Brexit MEP, right?

Yes, well,
she was a moderate Tory,

but then with the referendum,
we had to reshuffle and adapt.

So, adaption is one
of my main...

We're very much in uncertainty
regarding new positions

in London because of,
you know... Brexit.

But, we anticipate when the UK
will be out of the EU,

that we're going to need
extra support in Brussels.

Which you could be useful for,
given your

experience there.

You're offering me a job
in Brussels.

Yes.

-You still there?
-Yeah, still here.

So, are you interested
in a try-out?

Yes.

Sure.

Okay. You're going to have
to make an effort

with the clothing
because it's...

-You know?
-No, sorry.

Look in the mirror.

Look at myself. Do same.

-Be more...
-Me.

You. Yeah. Be more you. Okay.

-Good.
-Good. Yes.

I'll buy a shirt.

Okay.
This is going to be amazing.

-Yes.
-I have a good feeling.

Me too.

Do you?

-All right, bye.
-Yes, sorry.

Are you there. You are... Right.

[lively music]

-Hi.
-Hey, hi.

Cheers.

-You Okay?
-Yeah.

Yeah? [chuckles]

Listen.

You said something before
about Anne Frank.

Right. You're not gonna go
all PC on me, are you?

Besides, we don't have to agree
on everything to have fun.

-You think?
-Of course.

Let's just have fun.

[chuckling]

Samy?

[lively music continues]

[upbeat music]