01x07 - Wild West Wing

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

[in English]
Well, you really didn't need

to take all that off, sir...

I know, man, but...

I hope I didn't shock anybody.

The thing is, I know you guys

are doing so much
to keep us safe. It ain't easy.

It ain't.

We gotta help each other.

You've got this beautiful
buttercup here,

a big beautiful
Belgian waffle, this guy.

[chuckles]

I'm Leroy Sparks,
here with EarthWatchers.

I don't know if my good friend
Cornelius mentioned it...

-Mr Sparks?
-Samy?

-Yes, that's me.
-My man!

Pleased to meet you.

[laughs]

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Sparks like lightning.
Leroy like my first name.

All right.

Samy like Sam
with a "y" at the end.

Oh, right, Samy. Yeah, I got it.

I used to have a teacher
named Samy.

A woman?

Yeah.
A beautiful biology teacher.

One of those who
changes your life.

Most Samys are women,
I don't know why.

-I don't know either.
-This one.

[playful music]

Where does that go?

It's very confusing.

Oh, hang on!

There.

No.

[sighs]

Yes!

Do you think you'll stay
in politics, Sharon?

Hello, Rose.

[scoffs]

I don't know.

I can't think
what else to do, really.

Maybe campaign
for the UK to stay

-out of the EU.
-Or offer Stoke-on-Trent

-to leave the UK.
-Yeah.

Maybe.

Maybe, Rose.

-Thank you, my love.
-It's all right.

[slurps]

Ah!

Woo!

Man, it is good to be back here.

Yeah, man, breathe it in.

[inhales deeply]

Come on, breathe it in.

[exhales]

This place is magic.

EP is the best NGO
I've collaborated with.

-Really?
-Yeah.

I call this area here
the Wild West Wing

cos I'm telling you, man,

things just move
so f*cking fast here.

[chuckles] No, they don't.

It's like the United Nations
on speed or on acid.

-No, it's not.
-It's like...

Cavalier attitude, gut feeling
and a sprinkle of batshit crazy.

-You two have met.
-This guy!

-How you doing, man?
-I'm great.

[chuckling]

It's good to see you, man.

-Yeah, it's good.
-This Dutch piece of crap.

How's life?

Saved the planet, yet?

Yeah... No! [laughs]

But with you on my team,
how can I fail?

Oh, man, it is an honor.
It is a f*cking honor.

EarthWatchers will do everything
we can to make this thing right.

-We're very happy to...
-This guy is beautiful.

Speaking of good man, this guy,

he has been showing me the ropes

and you've got yourself
a top dog.

[chuckles]

You do.

Come on, take it.
Take the compliment.

-Good work, Samy.
-Oh, thanks.

-I'll let you two work on it.
-Yeah.

If anyone knows how to raise

the public profile on an issue,
it's Leroy.

-Thanks, man.
-We'll catch you at lunch.

See you later.

Thanks, man. You didn't have
to say that. It's very nice.

Oh, but I did, man.

When you meet people
in this world,

you've got two options.

Two.

You can raise them up

or you push them down.

I look at you and I'm like:

-you're a good man.
-Really?

-You can feel it. Of course.
-Really?

-"Really"? You're a good man.
-I guess.

-Yeah, say it: I'm a good man.
-I'm a good man.

[quirky music]
I'm a good f*cking man.

I've never actually asked you,

what did you do before this?

God, it was so many years ago.

You could say I ran
a small business.

Oh, cool.
What did the business do?

Oh, well...

We actually staged

sporting events.

Really?
What kind of sporting events?

Just small things, really.

You know, sort of...
basement stuff.

What do you mean
by "basement stuff"?

Good girl.

I wouldn't really know

because I was sort
of on the business side.

It was my...

I didn't really
actually get involved.

You wouldn't know what
was happening in the base...

Whose basement...?

What are you talking about,
Sharon?

I would just wipe up afterward.

It was my husband's business,
you know.

I have about 18 questions.

I'm gonna go with:

Husband?

Well... [laughs]

-We're separated, of course.
-Right.

Not officially,
but we never spoke about it.

I got the job here
and he stayed in Stoke.

We shook hands

and one month led to two,

two led to three,
three led to four,

and, after that, we thought,

"No, it's just not working."

Yeah. It seems silly to say

we're still together,
doesn't it?

Oh, yes!

[dramatic music]

Right now, there are more
people on Facebook

than there were on the planet


Humanity's greatest desire is
to belong and to connect.

Every single human came
to the world the same way.

-[laughs] This lady...
-Yeah.

And we all wonder:

for what purpose?

-Giving birth...
-Yeah.

My name is Leroy Sparks.

Beautiful.

And this is my son,

Rainbow.

-Rainbow?
-My son, Rainbow.

Is that a real name?

Look at him on the trampoline.
We did this about ten times.

He was so scared.

It's good, but do you mention
sharks at any point?

I mean, you know...

If you start seeing sharks,

it will make people
think about sharks.

Yeah.

But isn't that a good thing?

.. not just the bits of it
that the fishermen leave behind.

[tragic music]

[groans]

That's a very sharp
change of tone.

Don't see the who you wouldn't.
Be the how you've seen.

What does it mean exactly?

Save the sharks.

Yeah.

[in French]

[in English]
It's okay.

It's meant to be strong.

[in French]

[in English]
Yeah.

I guess it works, then.

It moves me, every time.

You need to watch it again.

Maybe I should watch it again.

[phone vibrates]

[sighs]

Can I ask?

When was the last time
you saw each other?

Oh, um...

March. Yeah, it was March.

No, it was February.

February 2012. [chuckles]



Sorry, I tell a lie.
That's right, 2011.

You know me, Rose.
I'm married...

to my work.

Actually, while I remember,

can you please cancel
my meetings tomorrow?

You didn't have any meetings.

Excellent!
I'm going to see Cats.

-Are you?
-Yeah, in the evening.

I don't think
I'll have the mental space

to do any work during the day.

Right, yeah.

Oh!

Yeah, Eureka!
Good on you. Snap, Sharon!

That's done.
It took a long time, actually.

It was 50 pieces.

-Time to start the next one.
-Yeah.

I might try 70 pieces now.

[lively music]

[moans]

How long have you
been here, Samy?

A few months.

[chuckles]

-You like it?
-Yeah.

[phone chimes]

Yeah...

I like some parts.

[chuckling]

[clears throat]

You know how I got this job?

No.

I walked straight
into the Washington headquarters

past security,
into the CEO's office,

I looked at him and I said,

"We're gonna need
two chairs, padre."

[laughing]

I had never met him
before that day.

Really?

True story.

We've been partners
for fifteen years.

Wow!

There's a lesson in that.

Yeah?

It's important.

If you want your life to change,

you gotta change your life.

Yeah.

If you start
talking to the world,

I promise
it will learn to listen.

It'll be okay. Three-pointer.

[laughs]

Nice!

-So, you're a corner pisser?
-Yeah.

You piss in the corner.
I'm sure your d*ck's big.

[dramatic music] Right now,

there are more people
on Facebook,

than there were on the planet


Humanity's greatest desire is
to belong and to connect.

Every single human came
to the world the same way.

I want you.

Sorry?

Did you say something?

I did, yeah,
but it was nonsense,

it was a joke
about someone else.

I didn't say anything.

My name is Leroy Sparks.

-What does that even mean?
-This is my son...

Literally nothing,
I think. It's just...

It's amazing, right? So weird.

Everything this Leroy guy says

is stupid,
but it makes you feel great.

He's like a real-life TED talk.

Yeah. He's American.

They're fun to be around,
but that positivity is toxic.

Yeah, but still,
it seems to work.

Cornelius said the campaign
is already a success.

-Really?
-Yeah.

[sighs]

[phone vibrates]

[scoffs]

-What's wrong?
-Nothing.

[clears throat]

You can talk to me.
We're friends.

Yeah, sort of.

Thank you.

[sighs]

-Should I break up with Sayeed?
-Yes.

Whoa! Okay.

That's quick. Sure you
don't want to think about it?

No.

You've mentioned it already.

[scoffs]

I think you should be out there,
dating, living the crazy life.

Sometimes,

if you want your life to change,

you just have
to change your life.

-"Be the how you've seen."
-Exactly.

.. not just the bits of it
that the fishermen leave behind.

[ominous music]

Hey.

What are you doing
tomorrow night?

Why?

I was wondering...

I actually want you and me...

[applauding and cheering]

What do you guys think?

It gets you right here.

Every time I watch it,
I bleed a bit on the inside.

But it's important.

Mama Ocean is bleeding.

We must fix that.
That's what we're here for.

In just four short hours,


just like me,
and just like you guys,

have raised up their voices.

We can do better.

We must do better.

We can, we must

and we will do better.

I've got an idea for you.

If we share this video and
you support this worthy cause

I'm gonna do something
real special for you.

For one lucky
Facebook account owner,

I'm gonna throw in

three days

and two nights

on my pirate ship
chasing bad guys!

Woo!

[applauding]

Do it with me!

Yeah? I thought you guys
would like that.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]
My name is Leroy Sparks.

[whispering]

And this is my son,

Rainbow.

[in German]

[laughs]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[inhales deeply]

[sighing]

[grumbles]

[grunting]

[groaning]

[in English]
Oh, man!

That's so sad!

-Look at you, man. You okay?
-No.

[retreating footsteps]

[door closes]

[phone chimes]

[in English]
Sayeed again?

No, it's Sharon.

She keeps texting me quotes
from Cats, the musical.

-Yeah.
-It's very confusing.

-You want to see something cool?
-Yeah...

No!

[laughs]

-I'm kidding.
-No, it's a no!

Ta-da!

Oh, wow.

What are you wowing at?
I don' think you've seen the...

Oh, man. Marco. Polo.

-Sambo. Marco. Polo.
-Yeah.

Fish out of water.

[chuckling]

-You don't know that game?
-No.

Who's this lovely lady?

[giggles]

-Hi, it's...
-Sorry, I'm all sweaty.

No, it's great.

To meet you.

Rose is me.

Nice to meet you,
Rose. Enchanté.

I'm British.

That's all right, innit?

You want some chips
and some milk?

[laughing]

Oh, man. I love that accent.
Beautiful. Hugh Grant.

Look, Sambo, I've got that
dinner tonight with Bono.

Yeah.

I'm trying to get him
to tweet about the sharks.

I was wondering
if we can swap shirts?

Why?

I gave mine away to some woman.
She was insisting so much.

We can maybe borrow
someone else's shirt.

No, we're good. I appreciate it.

[grunts]

How far is Saint-Gilles
from here?

Saint-Gilles is... Actually,
my apartment is near there.

So, we can split a cab, maybe.

I'm going that way too.

Why?
You live in Michel's office.

No, but, I'm...

Can you pass me
the shirt, please?

Yeah.

I'm going to see

a concert, with Toto.

-What concert?
-Cats.

-The musical.
-Cats, the musical, tonight?

Yeah.

That's just a coincidence

that I mentioned
that a few minutes ago?

Yeah.

-What are you doing?
-What?

-I'm going to a concert.
-You're not!

-Yeah.
-We're just finished.

[chuckles]

It's all that shark riling.

I've still got the gut.

I want to introduce you
to someone from the motherland.

We got Rose here.

Bono, Rose.

Hello, it's Rose.

-Hello, Bono.
-And Samy.

[playful music]

So, they are the best
tacos in town.

You'll love them.

He knows the story.
I was saying...

You'll love it.

You've got the sunset,
a whisky sour in one hand,

oysters, fresh out
of the sea, sunset.

Where are you going
with Bono tonight?

I didn't tell you?

-You okay, Sambo?
-I'm good.

So, I'm taking B-Man

to this amazing tapas place run
by these three Italian uncles.

Who are they the uncles of?
Uncles of the same person

or just three men
who also happen to be uncles?

I don't know, good question.

-Isn't that amazing?
-Three uncles, so authentic.

-It's just famiglia.
-How did they meet?

I don't know. I think they
probably met playing bocce ball.

Tapas...

[in French]

[in English]
He cannot take

three passengers, so...

Maybe Leroy you can take
another cab and Rose...

You should get another car
if you're going to Palais 12.

No, because of the traffic,
it's not really...

If you're going
to the Palais 12,

I should take the handsome
American man

and the beautiful lady.

You can take the subway,
it's quicker.

I'm not American, people get
confused because of my accent.

Oh, man. Bono just canceled.

Too bad.

We three could take
the reservation instead,

but you have that musical.

The musical?

-Rose, you wanna go?
-Fine by me.

No, I don't actually have to go
to the musical.

-Dinner is okay.
-You were looking forward to it.

It's just...

You're not dressed for it, dude.
It's a fancy place.

-Just go.
-Yeah.

-That's a musical.
-Such good songs. Memory, right?

-Rembrandt, Vivaldi.
-Mr Mistoffelees. They're cats.

You love cats.

Have fun.

[in French]

[instrumental music]

[in English]
Hey, man.

I need to talk to you
about something.

Yeah.

Okay, first,

Have you seen Cats, the Musical?

Yes.

Of course, I've seen it.
How can I help you?

I've checked on Wikipedia.

I don't get it,
it makes no sense.

-What's the story?
-Of course. Okay.

There's one cat.

He comes on stage.

And then he sings his name.

And then he sings about

one of his characteristics,
you know?

Then he leaves,

and another cat comes on stage.

And then she sings about

what she likes
and what she does.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Has it anything to do
with what the previous cat did?

No. I don't think it does.

I think it's really just,
like...

It's kind of...

It's a list of cats
and their characteristics?

-Yeah.
-Okay, all right.

[chuckles]

But they're not real cats.

Right, yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

Does it look
like she had sex last night?

I can't judge that
just by looking at her, man.

Yeah, of course not.

I need to smell her.

Oh, God.

-Okay, I'll see you later.
-Okay.

Okay.

Hey, hi! Rose.

We arrive at the same time!

Time twins.

Don't do this!

[sighing]

So much rain!

How was last night?

-Really good.
-Yeah?

-Yeah, really, really good.
-Yeah?

[yawns]

-Are you tired?
-I didn't sleep much.

-How was Cats?
-It was good.

Very good story, actually.

How was dinner with Leroy?

Nice. Good restaurant.

The American positivity didn't
bother you so much in the end?

[chuckles] No, it's not like
we're gonna do it again.

Do it again? Do what again?

Dinner? You say do for dinner?

[quirky music]

Okay, right. I know this isn't
necessarily typical of me,

but...

I wanna say thank you.

Okay.

Because I ended
things with Sayeed.

-Really?
-So...

I think if it wasn't for you,
I might not have done that so...

-So, yeah.
-Well.

You're welcome.

Plus, I wouldn't have had
such a great night.

-That's down to you, pal.
-Cool.

-Very cool.
-Samy, I can't say.

Don't smell her, okay?

Sorry, he...

Leroy gave me this to give back
to you this morning.

He says bye.

Thanks again.

Yeah.

Okay.
I think she did do it, man.

Can I keep it?

Just for reference.

I'll see you at lunch, yeah.

[instrumental music]