01x06 - Valet

[bunniefuu]

Only three days till the election.
It could be the tightest race in decades.

This is how the final debate went down.

Will you stop staring at my mouth, sicko?

The New Conservatives
are likely a bit hungover today.

Their leader, Elsa Falk, essentially
gave the win to Roxanne Wiklund,

-a walkover.
-Sure did.

For you!

-From the Prime Minister?
-Or from your husband.

Don't be a downer, Pingis.

Just checking if you're still alive.

-We are.
-Sir, yes, sir.

-When did you get home last night?
-No idea. 5:00 or 6:00?

-Okay.
-What? We all left at around 2:00 a.m.

-I was home before 12:00 a.m.
-But you're, what, 40?

-Twenty-nine.
-You just seem so mature.

-You said, "I'm off."
-To the cab, yes.

You took forever in the toilet.
I couldn't wait.

Well, I was too tired anyway.

"Congrats on an amazing
debate performance.

"Hugs, Mikael."

-Mikael?
-Yes.

That's the seventh maintenance guy
to be stumped by the coffee machine.

Just incredible.

Why so pale, everyone?

Can't handle some liquor?
Pops here can handle everything.

-Roxanne got some flowers.
-Yes, nice.

From Mikael.

Oh, so even Mr. Wahlström
knows when he's lost fair and square?

Throwing in the towel with class. Nice.

That's got to be it, Lisa.

Maybe.

-I was on the fire yesterday.
-Yeah.

-"On fire."
-You were great.

You were.

I feel it now.

You may be looking at...

Sweden's... next...

-Prime Minister.
-Yeah!

We can't even be certain
that Rosengren will step down.

-Is he still unwell?
-Yes!

It's only a matter of time
before he's gone.

-We also have to win the election.
-"Also win the election."

Lisa Langås, certified party-pooper.

-Doctor Killjoy.
-Indeed.

-Kind of true.
-Boo on Lisa.

-Boo on Lisa!
-Boo.

SENT TO JOSEF: Wanna sleep together?

Hi...

Hey, I know that...

KAMINSKY: Meet me for lunch.
Note: Private. I'll send a car. Toodles!

Hey...

I need to nip down to the polling booths,

-to pick something up.
-Okay.

Kind of confidential.

-They can't e-mail it.
-Hey...

And stuff.

They look to be about the same height,

-but they don't feel like it.
-Oh, no.

-Anyway, I'll be gone for a while.
-Okay.

-Great.
-But this one's higher.

Lisa!

I'll just text her.

Thank you.

-Here you go.
-Thanks.

Hi. Get whatever you want,
the government pays.

-Okay, a veggie wrap then.
-Veggie wrap for you...

A bag of hot dog buns, please.

-A hot dog in a bun?
-No hot dog, just buns, the whole bag.

How is the Prime Minister doing?
Is he feeling better?

Rosengren is stepping down.

-Wow! Shocker. What, right now?
-No.

It'll be a gradual process
over the next year, of course.

You ought to work
on your feigned surprise.

That was more transparent than cling wrap.

So, who'll be the new party leader?

See that seagull?
That's your typical Swedish voter.

Not especially interested in the EU,
the complex energy issue,

or the government's pension group.

Seagulls, they just want bread.

Mikael Wahlström, he's bread.

Just feed him to the voters, and...

Mikael! He's our next party leader.
And hopefully...

-Prime Minister.
-Roxanne can also be bread.

This is Roxanne.

Politically, she's dead.
Her ministry will be shut down.

These made-up ministries
survive for one term, two tops.

You were a medicine of sorts.

Two Atarax and one Valium.

People were worried about welfare.

We said, "Open wide,
the Ministry of Welfare!"

-That's like abolishing welfare.
-It's cyclical.

It'll be the Climate Department next.

You should know this is how it works.

So you brought me here to tell me
I've been doing a fake job for two years?

You know, you can humiliate
people digitally nowadays.

-There's Teams and Zoom...
-Roxanne's dead, not you.

I picture you as Mikael's State Secretary,

meaning the next
Prime Minister's State Secretary.

What an offer.

I'm aware of your... history with Mikael.

There! That's genuine surprise
right there.

-That's better.
-Thanks.

If I were you, I'd forget about all that
and join Mikael's team.

We both want that. I believe in you.

I want your answer by tomorrow morning.

But what about Roxanne?

Roxanne will, if she's lucky,

end her political career
as ambassador to the Faroe Islands.

I wouldn't sit here too long. Seagulls
get aggressive around too much bread.

THEMILF80

THEMILF80!

themilf_80

This is a real Rolls-Royce.

Adjustable neck rest,
programmable for specific users.

It sounds expensive.

Everyone in the Prime Minister's
office has one.

-What if they don't keep you on?
-What?

If Roxanne becomes Prime Minister,
she might want some new blood.

-Did she say that?
-No, but maybe Saga won't be kept on.

As long as bosses need help rebooting
their computers, my job's safe.

Okay, g*ng.

The election is on Sunday,

but I need to get into
the "Prime Minister mode."

Become one with the people,
visit municipalities,

factories, shake hands,
be photographed with hillbillies.

-Berivan, are you taking this down?
-Shake hands...

At factories... What else?

Where's Lisa? Is she back?

Did she leave, or...

"Shake hands at factories..."
What else? Sorry.

I'll handle it.

-Shake hands with people.
-With people.

ROXANNE: When will you be back?

Can't remember my password.
I've tried everything!

LISA:
Password: Roxanne123.

Sorry, took longer than I thought.
Working from home for the rest of the day!

THE TIME IS NOW!
ROXANNE WIKLUND

THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
MIKAEL WAHLSTRÖM

-But how do you feel about it?
-I don't know.

I don't know if I can join
Mikael's team just like that.

No, so you'd better say no, then.

-I may never get this opportunity again.
-No, I get it.

-Did you speak to Mikael?
-No.

-Why don't you do that first?
-Yeah.

-Maybe. I got to go. Call you later.
-Okay.

-Kisses.
-Okay, bye.

There you are!

Björn?

You f*cking... f*ck!

Come out, you b*stard! I'll just...

-I'm gonna make coleslaw out of you!
-Björn!

What are you doing? Get in the car!

-Let go of the flower!
-Yuck!

-I got your flower!
-Björn, shut up!

-Slimeball!
-No!

I ruined everything!

-Calm down, Björn. Breathe!
-I ruined...

Take it easy. What happened?

-It was me.
-You... what?

I leaked the study
on tablets for old people to Mikael!

-What?
-That's why he knew and beat you to it!

But why did you do it?

He threatened to expose me
if I didn't do as he said.

-Expose what?
-I can't!

-Calm down!
-I don't want to!

Björn, calm down! No leaving the car!

-Put your seatbelt on!
-I can't. It's stuck!

What is it?

Björn has something to tell you.

Darling,

you know that I... love you.

And I think of our marriage
as a... meadow.

-Okay?
-A lush, lovely meadow.

-But, since we moved to Stockholm...
-Yes?

...the meadow has wilted.

And all the flowers
have turned brown and dry.

What Björn is trying to say

is that he's a member
of every gambling site there is.

On the entire Internet, right?

You are?

And he lost a lot of money.

You gambled away our money?

Is that even possible?
We have lots, right?

That's the thing.
It wasn't your money, but the tax payers'.

He used your official card.

No!

No!

No!

-How much?
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Just over 300,000 kronor.

But I...

But I won too. A licorice tasting
at an experience casino.

Licorice?

What do we do?

I don't know!

I wasn't asking you!

Of course you don't know!

What do we do, Lisa?

We're ordering pizza.

I knew you were the mole. I knew it!

So, does this mean
we're all getting fired?

Can't Kaminsky do a cover-up somehow?

But of course!
Kaminsky will take care of it.

Only, he's the one shutting us down.

The point is that this thing
will explode at any moment.

After the election, knowing Kaminsky.
But what about Mikael?

There's no way to know. It only
takes one phone call to a journalist...

-And we're f*cked.
-Yes.

-But mostly Roxanne.
-It's no competition.

No, we're all equally f*cked.

You have to divorce me!

Here.

Wait, wait.

-I'm trying to get the ring off.
-We can see that, Björn.

He has a point.

Surely it can't be our only option?
For me to become some divorced hag.

-Hey, I'm divorced.
-Exactly.

We could claim it was a cyber-attack...

-Yes!
-Something related to 5G?

-Yes!
-Good idea. No one trusts 5G.

Björn already confessed to Mikael
and mowed down his flower pot, so...

Roxanne's on all the ballots!
No time to remove her.

And if we win on Sunday,
maybe Kaminsky will...

change his mind?

And then she puts out a giant apology.

Both TV and the papers.
I mean a huge apology!

Okay, it's a gamble.

But crazier things have happened.
Bill, a taxi.

Using the ministry's account?

-Should I list the order as "crisis"?
-Never mind.

Björn, we're taking your car.

Can I put you down as a reference?

What? You're applying for jobs? Now?

Have you been asleep
for the past few hours?

It's all a matter of timing and platform.

Björn, you've been
mentally unwell for a while.

-I really have. As a kid, I used to--
-Great.

Online gambling became your crutch.
You became a gambling addict!

Roxanne, you're not a careless minister
who can't keep track of your card.

No, you're Roxanne,
the supportive partner.

Yes, I really am.

And you think so too, Björn.

-I do?
-Yes, you do.

And you didn't take
her card intentionally. It was a mix-up.

Exactly! You're the careless one, Björn.
Not me!

This is a great plan, Lisa. A great plan!

We're live, and I'm about
to consume 10,000 calories.

A hell of a lot of chips...

-Hi!
-Hi, sweetie!

Sweetie!

-Thanks for last night.
-Right back at you.

-So much fun.
-Yeah.

Is she the one you partied with?

That's right. This is Lisa,
and those two are Roxanne and Björn.

-Where's Janne?
-Oh, come on!

-I'm obsessed with him, Saga.
-Janne was there too?

We met in Almedalen, right? Lisa Langås.

Oh, right!

Thanks for having us
on such short notice!

Of course. Lucas is almost done.

He's in there doing
our "10,000 calories a day" challenge.

It's super popular. Lucas, wave!

All my followers know
that I love Gotlandschips...

But I also love politics.

Today we're blessed to have
our Welfare Minister, Roxanne, here.

We've met.
But your husband, Björn, I haven't met.

-Nice to meet you.
-Hi, there.

You can say hi to the viewers. We're live.

-Hi!
-Here, in the middle.

-Hi.
-Hi, there.

How many are watching?

70,000 are streaming live right now.
No, 75,000.

As you know,
I talk a lot about mental health.

And you have a mental health thing
you want to discuss?

-Yes, unfortunately.
-Go ahead.

The truth is that even our family

has been faced with a terrible tragedy,

because it turns out that Björn
has a truly awful gambling addiction.

-Oh, no.
-Yes.

-And you didn't know?
-Not at all.

Damn, that sucks.

You know what?
I thought everything was fine.

But mental health addiction issues

were simmering inside his head all along.

-Right, Björn?
-Yes.

And I'm a very supportive partner. Truly.

If he hadn't hidden this from me,
I would have told him, "Stop!

"Stop right now! It's my official card!"

-She's doing well.
-"Officiant card"?

-Official card.
-I see.

Didn't win either.
Just lost tons of money.

It's ill*gal too, right?

I'm no law book,

-but it wasn't Björn's money.
-No.

No, it's the taxpayer's money.

But I'm not some careless minister,

I'd like to emphasize that,
who can't keep track of her card.

Björn took it by mistake.

-It wasn't because I had left it out.
-No, I didn't.

-But you did.
-No.

-We've told people...
-No.

But we're here to explain
that it was a tragic family mistake!

-I did it on purpose.
-Why would you do that?

-Because...
-You don't know what you're saying.

No one used the card on purpose.

This is an illness.

Your job is an illness
that takes over everything!

We never see each other.
You never touch me!

Sure I touch you. Look!

That's not how you touch
the one you're married to.

I even got waxed,
and you didn't even notice!

-You got waxed? Where? On your back?
-No.

It hurt like hell!
And it was totally pointless,

because you're no longer
interested in me as a man.

-But...
-Tell the truth, do you have a lover?

-Of all the silly things...
-Is it him, Bill?

-Bill! You're famous!
-Shut up.

Can you shut down YouTube?

I don't think so,

but we have 150,000 viewers right now,
and the number's increasing.

-That's kind of the problem!
-Have you lost it?

Just tell me! I can't stand it!

Just tell me!

Tell the truth! Tell the truth!

-Stop it, I never cheated on you.
-How can I know that?

-I'm not some Mikael Wahlström...
-Cool it.

Quiet!

...sleeping around
in copy rooms and all!

It was never proven.

-I know that he cheated!
-What?

Not with me.

-What's she on about?
-I dunno.

I'm not like that. I only have you!

-You're never home.
-It used to be the other way around!

Everything used to be
about Wiklund's Kitchen!

It wasn't like that! I was gone
for three Mondays every second quarter!

-It was all about your work!
-I worked on the phone! At home!

Now it's my turn to chase my dreams.

-It's always your turn!
-But you're always in the way.

Why couldn't you just carry on as usual?

Why couldn't you just go on
with inline skating and go paddling?

...inline skating and go paddling!

MINISTER OF WELFARE IN GAMBLING SCANDAL

JOSEF: Hi, hope you're okay.
Get back to me if you feel up to it.

"Nasty scenes from a marriage."

What "scenes"? There were no scenes.

Don't they get that it was real?

Do you want a bar?

Now, let's see...

This is... cashew!

Thanks.

So, I guess we're unemployed.

Or "relieved from work"
as they say nowadays.

-It could be worse.
-Yeah, right.

-I got the coffee machine to work!
-Wow.

-She's incredible!
-It was just a power switch on the back.

Everyone must have missed it.

Too bad it's too late. Can I borrow that?

Thought I'd go do some "long reading."

Bill Järdemyr. How does that sound?

-It sounds made up.
-It's my mom's surname.

It sounds lovely.

It might make things easier
when I go job hunting.

Who died?

Besides our whole ministry,

Roxanne's career,
and this whole Prime Minister thing?

Are you kidding? Haven't you guys seen?

-See what?
-Well, we're not dead, that's for sure.

-So, what else does it say?
-Okay.

"Didn't know who Roxanne Wiklund
was yesterday, but love her today."

And this one. "Finally, a politician
who doesn't play games. Pardon the pun.

"Hashtag Gothenburg."

Listen to this. "Roxanne and her husband
made my relationship seem healthy.

"I'd die for her!"

600,000 views!

Is that good?

-It's good.
-Yes!

Incredible. And that's just
since yesterday.

Hashtag BackRoxanne is trending.

More heart emojis
than when Rihanna got pregnant!

Rihanna's pregnant?

It was a while ago, but...

Sorry, I just have to ask... Why?

People seem to like
that they're so mentally unstable.

That was mostly Björn.

Sure, but you guys
did put on a real sh*t show.

-And that's a good thing.
-Yes.

-Congrats!
-Yeah.

Exactly, it's good.

-Yes.
-Yes.

I knew it.

Help!

Help! Someone help me!

-Come help me!
-Just let me through!

Just stop it!

Would you look at that?

There they are,
the champions of the Swedish people!

-How did he get in?
-I don't know. But he's here now.

Yes, you ruined my family,
and you ruined things for Sweden.

I was supposed to be
the new Prime Minister!

-Malin left me.
-So?

-Are you happy? You got what you wanted!
-Stop!

I'm the one people love!
Don't you get that?

I could go stand on Sergels Torg
in the middle of the day,

and pee on a miniature Dachshund!

No.

It wouldn't make any difference.
Hashtag BackRoxanne...

It's the dumbest thing...

Pingis!

I've been learning Krav Maga since 1970.

Lisa! Kaminsky's on the phone.

Let go of me!

BENGT ROSENGREN
PRIME MINISTER

I don't understand modern times.

Maybe I've just gotten old.

I've spent almost 40 years
in the spotlight.

And then you come along,

airing your dirty laundry
before the whole country.

And all it does is make you...

A trend.

You're trending.

You and that man you're married to.

Your live couples therapy is trending!

It's sheer insanity.

The party is up 12%
in the polls since yesterday.

-Twelve percent? That's...
-Yes, it's insane.

People head to the polls in two days,
and we're hoping it will last till then.

-Shall we...
-Oh, right.

We in the Democratic Coalition think
soft values are the most important.

We're all weak. We're only human.

I and the rest of DSP have decided
to whole-heartedly support Roxanne, and...

-Björn.
-...Björn.

And to prove this,

we, alongside the City of Stockholm,
have decided to rename Friends Arena

to "Gambling Addiction Arena"!

Yes! You're all invited
to the opening ceremony!

ELECTION COVERAGE

The run-up to the election has been
very turbulent and unconventional.

-But it's all settled now.
-The Democratic Coalition wins,

after a comeback
that we'll be discussing for years.

Our reporter is on location.

What's the mood over there?

As you can hear, spirits are high
here at DSP's election gala.

DEMOCRATIC COALITION PARTY

Rosengren! Rosengren!

Hi!

Hi.

Here's your charger.

Oh, thanks. That wasn't necessary.

You'll be needing it, I think.

That's right.

-Congrats on the victory.
-Thanks so much. Hey, I'm sorry.

We probably would have lost anyway.

And Henrik would've been even
more insufferable had we won that debate.

But still...

-Yeah...
-Lisa! The Prime Minister is bald!

-Hey!
-Hey.

Come.

We have to go. Roxanne wants you.

Okay. Well...

Join us!

No, I think I should head back
to our defeat party.

-Okay, I get it.
-Come on!

Hang on, Saga. Take this.

I can pick it up
another day, or something.

I don't have any pockets.

Sorry to interrupt
your super important tech-talk, but...

-Come on!
-Okay.

Go!

Okay.

So gross, he looked like...

Lisa! Rosengren is stepping down!

Yes, but not for a while.

-No, now!
-What?

Yes, Kaminsky said
he's resigning tomorrow!

-What?
-Yes!

Maybe we should lie low.

I'm going to be Prime Minister!