02x03 - The Bugs Are Winning

[bunniefuu]

[BURBLING]

[BURBLING CONTINUES]

♪ [“I HOPE SHE IS OKAY”
BY MARVIN PONTIAC PLAYING] ♪

♪ Ba-dum ♪

♪ Ba-dee ♪

♪ Ba-dum ♪

♪ Bum ♪

♪ Ba-dum ♪

♪ Ba-dee ♪

♪ Ba-dee ♪

♪ Bum ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

♪ [NESRIN WOLF IMITATES
SCOOCH THE OOCHER SINGING] ♪

♪ Du-du-du, du-du-du
Du-du-du-du-du ♪

♪ Du-du-du, du-du-du
Du-du-du-du-du ♪

Hello. John cannot come
to the camera right now.

He's sleeping,

and I'm trying to finish
his painting for him.

♪ Du-du-du, du-du-du
Du-du-du-du-du ♪

He's got a lot of work to do.

♪ Du-du-du, du-du-du ♪

Oh, Erik.

I-- I-- I'll be down
in, like, two minutes.

I ju-- I have to make myself
beautiful for you.

Okay? All right.
Sorry, I'll be right there.

[JOHN LURIE SIGHS]

[WATER RUNNING]

JOHN: There it is.
You're caught.

And the burping,
what the hell did I do?

k*lled them all, of course.

[CRICKETS CHIRP]

I tend to have
these conversations

in my head when I'm painting.

I think it's best
if you let your intuition decide

what should happen
in your paintings.

Yeah, you know,
I will look at a painting

and my intuition will tell me,

"Paint a purple telephone
in that corner."

And my brain will go,

"No, that will ruin
the painting."

And the voice will say,

"Just do it. You're a coward."

And I'll go back and forth
like that.

And usually, the voice is right,

and what the voice
is telling you to do

is much more interesting...

what you would have
come up with.

It's much more magical somehow.

Or whatever you wanna call it.

But sometimes, it's horrible
and the painting is ruined.

And I don't know
what you at home should do

about the voices in your head.

You have to follow
your intuition.

The first thought
is usually right,

even if your conscious mind
goes,

"No, I spent three days doing
that little section,

and I'm not splashing it
with black paint now."

But then you have to do it,

'cause usually,
your intuition is right.

And then if it's bad,
you can go,

"f*ck you, intuition."

Then your intuition will say,

"If you had just relaxed
and done it,

it would have come out right,

but you had to be all uptight
and ruin it.

It's your fault."

And you and your intuition
can roll around on the floor

and fight for a while.

♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

-♪ Hum ba-day ♪
-♪ Ah ♪

-♪ Hum ba-day ♪
-♪ Ah ♪

-♪ Hum ba-day ♪
-♪ Ah ♪

-♪ Hum ba-day ♪
-♪ Ah ♪

-♪ Hum ba-day ♪
-♪ Ah ♪

-♪ Hum ba-day ♪
-♪ Ah ♪

♪ Hum ba-day ♪

There's this thing
I've been fascinated about

for a long time,
since I was a kid,

where, if you're on the highway
and driving,

you're in the left lane,

and they're in the center lane,

there's a car,
and you wanna see them
for some reason...

and as you catch up
alongside of them,

if you're looking,

they will look at you,
like, with this...

really feral,
intense look, like...

like they're being invaded.
Like, they feel it.

Wh-- What is that?

Because then,
if you make a point

of just looking into every car
as you pass,

they won't-- they won't look.

But if you're really curious,
they will look...

to defend themselves.
But what is that?

Some animal sense
that we don't talk about.

♪ [BANJO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

[BELL TOLLS]

[WIND HOWLS]

-[PUMA GROWLS]
-What was that?

Puma.

I'll get it.

♪ [HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

[BIRDSONG]

I met Joey Ramone in, like,

I was at the bar,

and this record company guy
comes up to me,

you know,
one of these annoying guys.

"Hey John, how you doing?"
[MUMBLES]

Barely know the guy.

He goes,
"Oh, there's so and so."

And there's another
annoying record company guy,

so they're talking.

I don't wanna hear this,

but the other record company guy
is with Joey Ramone.

And they introduce us.

I think they did,
I don't remember.

Joey Ramone just stares
at the floor the whole time.

Doesn't acknowledge me,
doesn't say hello.

So, I think he's snubbing me.

But...

maybe he's just shy. Maybe...

he's as horrified

by these two guys
talking to each other as I am

and doesn't wanna be involved,
but he basically snubs me.

But I'm fascinated
with Joey Ramone because...

once I saw him,

on the corner
of Third Street and Bowery,

when it was, you know--

used to be hairy there.
It was, like,

not the kind of place you wanna
draw attention to yourself.

The men's shelter was there
and was just...

Could be frightening
on some days.

And he was doing this thing,
this walking...

thing-- thing,
almost like a dance,

where he was...
counting the steps.

One, two, three, four,
and he's watching his feet.

He's sort of half dancing,
half counting.

He's there, he's tall,
he's got his long hair

and sunglasses
and his leather jacket,

and...

going back and forth
and back and forth.

Up, up, up, step, and...

and it was amazing to watch.

It was really--
It was really something.

It was kind of beautiful.

So, I was fascinated with him
about that.

I was like, "What?
What would lead him to do that?

What-- What is that?" And...

[BIRDSONG]

...couple of weeks after,

after this thing
at the nightclub,

I see him coming towards me
on Sixth Avenue,

and-- in the daytime--
and he's tall, six-foot-seven,

and-- and, um...

So, I can't decide.
Am I gonna say hi or not?

And then,
I decide not to say hi.

And we walk past each other.

And then, I think I hear
somebody yelling my name,

calling my name,
this high-pitched thing

from far away.
"Hi, John."

"Hi, John."

I'm not even sure
I'm hearing-- and...

Am I hearing my name? Yeah.
And so I turn around.

Two blocks away
is Joey Ramone...

and you can see him
'cause he's so tall, waving.

"Hi, John."

[BIRDSONG]

It was adorable.

♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

There's sugar ants.

There's these sugar ants,
and they love...

some of the paints.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

We shot the first season
in-- in January,

but this is season two,
and we're sh**ting it in August,

and the bugs are just worse.
The bugs are really...

In August in particular,
you get these three-,
four-inch-long c*ck,

and they're like,
"zhoom, voom, voom."

They're really hard to,
you know, k*ll, catch.

And, in the kitchen
it's not so bad.

If it runs
under the refrigerator,

you say, "f*ck it," you know.

But if it's in your bedroom,
then you gotta spend the time

actually finding it and--
and destroying it,

'cause you don't wanna sleep
with that thing.

And the mosquitoes are bad,

and these little gnat things
that sting you.

But actually,
the thing outside--

They don't come in the house,
but these things,

about twice the size
of a mosquito,

but they fly really fast,

and they sting, and it hurts...

and, uh...

they don't sting you like a bee,
'cause they-- 'cause you...

you know, rattled its nest
or it's not provoked, it's...

They just sting you
'cause they're mean.

And-- [CHUCKLES]
f*cking thing.

And, um...

You know, it starts to get
to be a bit much, but...

the other-- the other day,
there was this little, tiny,

tiny lizard on the screen.
It was at night.

Now, Erik wanted to film it,
so...

I said "Uh--
Let me grab the coconut

and go behind, outside,
behind it,

so you get some perspective
on how small...

the lizard actually is."

I've got the coconut
in my hand,

and then I feel this...
It's moving.

It just--
It was so f*cking creepy!

There were--
I think it was one of these--

There's these long,
slimy things, they're not...

they're not centipedes,
'cause they're very strong,

and just like--
And they're-- Urgh!

They're just really awful.
I could feel... [MUMBLES]

And I just threw the coconut
down the stairs.

It was just terrible.

But...

you know, you kinda put up--
you kind-- you know,

it's the trade-off
for how beautiful it is here.

You put up with the bugs if--

You know, you find a little...

bug in your coffee,
which happens often,

you just take the bug out
with a spoon

and you drink the coffee.
In New York, you would end up...

throwing the coffee away,
but here we just get it out,

you know.
So, you put up with it.

But you just assume
that the humans are gonna win.

If you got termites,
you deal with it.

If you got bed bugs,
you deal with it.

That's not always so easy,
but if you got...

you know,
roaches, you deal with it.

And you just assume
that the humans are gonna win.

But the other day,
there was this bug

in the kitchen,
and it was stuck between--

What do you call
the grating thing

over the stove and the stove?

It was, like--
It was late at night,
and I went out there,

there was just, like,
this noise, like,

it was so loud,

'cause that thing
had so much power.

It was going...
[IMITATES FRANTIC BUZZING]

...and it was clattering,

you know, like clattering,
and I was like,

"What is that?" I couldn't tell
where it was coming from.

And, uh...

I left, and I thought,
"Well, that's just weird,"

and I couldn't figure it out,
so I--

and I went back in the kitchen

and started again,
and then I saw it

that what it was,
it was this bug that was...

I mean,
I never looked the thing up

'cause it was just
too frightening to know

what the f*ck it was, but...

it was sort of like this big,

and then, it had sort of
the head of a wasp,

but it had this muscular back,

and long, long wings.

And then it got out from its--
where it was stuck in the stove,

and I called Erik,
and we both went in there with--

We closed the kitchen door,

so it couldn't go
into the rest of the house,

and we both had brooms,
but, you know, it was like--

And the thing was like--

It was mean, you know...
[IMITATES BUZZING]

And then, we would hit it
with the--

It would like--
We'd smack it with the broom,

but it wo-- You know,
it wouldn't die.

And...

we... we... we filmed it, but...

it was so awful I don't think--
Maybe we'll show you.

I will-- I-- When we edit this,

I'll decide
if we're gonna put it in or not.

-[LOUD, HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING]
-JOHN: Look at it. What is it?

I told Ann Mary, and she said,
"Oh, they sting really,
really bad."

But Erik finally caught it
under the--

um-- with a Tupperware thing,
and we caught it

and, um...

slid a piece
of very thick watercolor paper

underneath and, like,
folded it over,

and the two of us, like,
making sure it wouldn't get out,

went out into, you know--

But then, the-- the--
the thing that happened was...

which had never occurred
to me before, was,

since that happened,
when I come downstairs at night

to get something to eat
or to paint,

and everybody else is asleep,

I'm kinda looking around
for bugs,

a-- a-- and...

it just feels like it's possible
that the bugs could win.

Like, they could really win.

♪ ["BACKWARDS FLUTE"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

♪ [BANJO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

[BELL TOLLS]

[WIND WHISTLES]

That dag-gone dog done bit me.

I heard
several discouraging words.

[WIND HOWLS]

I trust the buffalo.

And they're stain-resistant too.

What's for lunch?

♪ [SLOW HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

[BUGS AND BIRDS CHIRPING]

I read all of the poems
that you sent to me

about the sunset.

Thank you for sending them.

Please don't send any more.

♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

♪ [MUSIC BUILDS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC INTENSIFIES] ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

♪ [MUSIC SOFTENS] ♪

♪ [MUSIC BEGINS TO FADE] ♪

♪ [MUSIC FADES COMPLETELY] ♪