01x04 - The Joburg Makeover

[bunniefuu]

(JAYDEN) Mommy,
please can you read me a book?

(TALI) Your daddy really wants to
read you a story. There we go.

(DARREN) Daddy's already
read six stories.

(SIGHING) Okay, fine.
But just this one.

"The Brave Little Penguin".

My favourite.

"Long, long ago, high up on
a table-shaped mountain..."

(TALI) YOU KNOW, SUNDAY USED
TO BE MY BEST DAY OF THE WEEK,

BUT NOW IT'S MY WORST.
IT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE NO HELP.

AND NOW IT FEELS LIKE
AN ETERNAL HELL.

(DARREN) PLUS,
JAY HAS DROPPED HIS SLEEP,

SO WE DON'T EVEN GET
THAT ONE HOUR ANYMORE.

IT WAS WHEN WE USED TO..
YOU KNOW, HAVE SEX.

DARREN! TMI. THEY DON'T
NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT.

YOU CAN CUT THAT BIT OUT, GUYS.

"Pop-up, Peek-a-boo Colours.

At the Zoo".

Love this one.

Oh my God. Can we not just
put the TV on, babe?

More TV. More TV. More TV.

(TALI) IT IS SO HECTIC
THAT I FEEL LIKE

I NEED A WEEKEND FROM MY WEEKEND.

-Yay. We're building another fort.
-(DARREN) Tals, I'll do the roof.

I've got quite a lot of
experience in this.

'Kay, I'm gonna go inside.
You can build it over me.

(JAYDEN YELLING)

(TALI) It's too small, Darren.
You've built the house too small.

Block your ears. Jayden.

This fort is sh*t.

I think I'm just gonna go downstairs
and just do a little bit of work.

-Okay?
-No, no, no, no, no. Play with me.

Okay.

PARENTING IS FULL ON.
WE ARE FINISHED.

Mommy, Daddy!

(DARREN SNORING)

(TALI) HOWZIT, GUYS? IT'S ME, TALI.
HOW ARE YOU?

I'M A JOBURG GIRL
LIVING IN CAPE TOWN,

BUT NOW I'M MOVING BACK HOME
WITH THE FAM.

-Everybody say "Jozi"!
-(ALL) Jozi!

(TALI) THIS IS MY BABY,
THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD HOME,

AND THESE ARE MY GIRLS.

NOW THAT I'M BACK
IN THE CITY OF GOLD,

I'M INVITING YOU TO
FOLLOW ME ON MY JOURNEY.

THIS IS MY LIFE,
AND THIS IS MY JOBURG DIARY.

(RAEL) I still can't believe we blew
that opportunity at Shapro, Darren.

Once you get used to
those heated toilet seats,

-there's just no going back.
-I actually prefer a cold seat, Rael.

We shouldn't get too
comfortable on the toilet.

Okay, but the point is I think we
need to ask Les for a second chance.

Can't you just ask the guy?

You're more than welcome
to do that, Rael.

I'm happy doing the school run
and making home-cooked meals

-for my family.
-Hang on a second.

Is that Brian Joffe,
the owner and CEO of Bidvest?

That's Jonathan Lieberman.
He started Maboneng.

And don't tell me that's
now Richard Brans...

Oh no, that's just a homeless
guy over there. That's...

(MAN) Ja, you're thinking
two-dimensional.

It's time to get back
into the Apes...

Did you hear that, Darren?

They were just talking about
Bored Apes and NFTs.

They are talking
our language here, Darren.

-Aren't you coming in?
-No, no, no.

I am staying right over here,
thank you very much.

This place is a networking
gold mine, thank you.

Adieu. Adieu.

Hi. Howzit? Rael Rosen.
Nice to meet you.

Hi. Just doing the school run.
Rael Rosen.

-(WOMAN) No, thank you.
-Rael Rosen. Nice to meet you.

Howzit?
I've just moved into the area.

Howzit? My godson goes here.
Just doing the school run.

I think I'm gonna like it here.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

(KELZ) Oof. Wow.
This Monique really is so polished.

Okay, but this photo is definitely
photoshopped. Can you see?

Her arm is so thin,
and, like, misshapen.

No, her arms really are
that thin and misshapen.

Oh. Wow.

Okay, but she says three kids.
I mean, have you seen them?

I have seen them. They are real,
and they are stunning, okay?

I mean, look at me.
I still have postpartum hair,

and my.. I've got swollen ankles
still from Jayden.

-And he's about to turn four.
-Okay... (CLEARING THROAT)

I hate to say this, Tals, but you've
let yourself become too...

Cape Town. It's the baggy clothes,
it's the salty skin,

it's the frazzled hair,
it's, honestly, these home shoes.

And you have a smell,
like a homeless hippie.

-What?
-You need a head-to-toe overhaul

if you're gonna compete
with this beak-fest b*tch.

-Do you think I need a nose job?
-Oh my God, no.

Don't be ridiculous. (CHUCKLING)
You have a beautiful Caucasian nose.

Honestly, it's like Lady Gaga's nose.
It's Cher level. It's like mine.

(CHUCKLING) No. This is gonna
be a quick overhaul, okay?

-So let's get up and get going.
-Where we going?

SANDTON, BABY. OH MY GOSH. AND THEN
WE'RE GONNA GO TO MELROSE ARCH.

AND LASTLY, ROSEBANK, BECAUSE WE
COULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN FOURWAYS.

IT'S TRUE. I HAVE LET MYSELF GO.

I'M DISGUSTING.

I'VE LET CAPE TOWN
SEEP INTO MY JOBURG SKIN.

NOW LOOK AT ME. I'M A MESS.

I MEAN, YOU ARE.
BUT IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

-WERE YOU PRAYING WHEN I SAID--
-NO.

OKAY.

Let's get up and got eat
at the Westcliff,

because I'm gonna die I'm so hungry.

(MICHELLE) Did someone
say the Westcliff?

It's my trigger word.
Give me five minutes.

Okay. (CHUCKLING)

I am so sorry in advance.
She is attached to me.

-I know, but--
-She is like my child.

(RAEL) Darren, boy, I've just
had one of my genius ideas.

Hey, buddy. That's awesome.

Glad you asked.
So after the school run this morning,

which is literally like
walking into LinkedIn,

I'm sitting there,
having my coffee...

Horrific coffee in Joburg,
by the way.

It honestly tastes like the salt
of the earth, not in a good way.

I think to myself, "How do we
penetrate this dreamy network?"

And it hits me. Takeaway property.

We're selling property
like we're selling coffee.

So you'll be selling coffee?
I know a great roaster.

No, no. Well I hadn't
thought about that, but...

Darren, I think this might be
the most genius idea I've ever had.

And I feel it's exactly what we need
to get Goldprop back up and running.

I think it's an
incredible idea, Rael.

And I believe in you 1,000 percent.

Yes, boy. Goldprop handshake.

One, two, Goldpro--

You've got so much hustle in you.

I just don't wanna
get in the way of that.

But me, my hustle's here at home,

my family and my vegetables.

Boy...

lamb's lettuce.

More for me.

(RAEL) I THINK LES MIGHT BE RIGHT,
DARREN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

BUT THAT'S OKAY. IT NOW FALLS ON ME
TO KEEP THE GOLDPROP FLAME ALIVE.

WHO WANTS TO HUSTLE WITH VEGETABLES?

I'VE GOT ENOUGH HUSTLE
FOR THE BOTH OS US.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

(KELZ) Tali, can you please
be less casual with your bag? Jeez.

Tied around your waste. Oh my gosh,
this girl. This is not Cape Town.

-Okay, okay.
-Put it on your shoulder.

This is Johannesburg, okay,
and all these mall thieves

look exactly like you and me.

That's true, hey, because I had
my Fendi handbag stolen,

and I'd chained it to my belt.

Thankfully it was last season,
so I was happy to see it go.

Okay, guys, I get it.

Anyway, it's time to
turn this misshapen clay

-into a sparkling diamond.
-Let's do it.

-(KELZ) Ahh!
-Okay, baby,

Mommy and Aunty Kelz are gonna
go make ourselves look beautiful.

You're gonna stay with
your Boba Michelle, alright?

-Alright.
-Enjoy, girls.

And listen,
I'm gonna take Jayden home

after I've bought him
some I-C-E C-R-E-A-M.

-Yay, ice cream.
-Ha! Bye.

-Anyway, sales are this way. Whoo!
-Love you, guys.

What do you think about this?

Is it a bit too "Matrix"?
(KELZ) Oh my God, babe, no.

Cape Town has totally stifled
your look. This is perfect.

Kelz, I don't know about this.
These are, like, claws.

I'm gonna poke Jayden's eyes out.

But you have to make sacrifices
if you wanna be Joburg.

Every Joburg girl needs
her very own Louis V tote.

-I think I love Joburg.
-(KELZ) Joburg loves you.

I want more.

Whoever thought of combining
a blow dry bar with an IV bar,

-I mean, it's genius.
-I know, right?

-This is Joburg.
-Hustle and bustle.

(KELZ IMITATING DANCE MUSIC)

-Tali, you're a supermodel, babe.
-I did do modelling.

I've got such a brilliant idea, Tals.

-Hit me.
-Kelz and Tals' IV Bar.

Oh my word. We will be millionaires.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Oh my God, Tals.
You've still got so much rhythm.

Modern dancing. I've done a lot of
modern dancing in my time.

What is it gonna be called?

-The b*tch Bar.
-The b*tch Bar.

-The b*tch Bar.
-That is so cool.

It just rolls off the tongue.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

And end.

-Wow. That was incredible.
-That felt so good.

(KELZ) We were so in sync.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

Yes.

Okay.

Coffee. That's...

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

What else?
Takeaway, coffee, property.

Cup. Take the cup. You get the cup
and maybe a blueprint of the...

Come, boy, just think.
Just streamline.

Stream of consciousness.
Stream of consciousness.

So, like, a coffee truck.
Maybe the truck...

The truck takes you.

Gee, this is now..
Look at that. That...

You're not taking the property away,
you're taking the coffee away...

What..? Is that hardboard?
That's interesting.

Junie, howzit? Can I just
quickly bounce something off you?

I'm much better when I bounce.
I'm a big bouncer.

-(JUNIPER) Okay.
-Here, catch that.

-Good hands, lovely.
-Mm-hm.

I'm gonna need that back after this.

Junie, basically, my idea..
our idea.. Call it my idea...

-(JUNIPER) Mm.
-is to set up a small business

outside of Jayden's school
and sell takeaway property

to some of those
well-to-do parents, okay,

and then also sell coffee
as a sort of a by-product of that.

Are you selling coffee
or selling property?

Well it'll be clear. You could maybe
have a sign saying, "Coffee",

or "Property", or both.

What if I love property
but I hate coffee, eh?

Well then we maybe don't sell
the coffee. We can streamline it.

And we can lose the
coffee altogether,

and we just sell the property.

Just sell coffee, not property.

-Just the coffee.
-Mm-hm.

Okay. Fantastic.
Well that leaves us...

with nothing.

-Thanks, Junes.
-You're welcome.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

If you eat your ice cream
all up like a good boy,

Boba Mich has got another
treat for you in my handbag.

(HOST) Hi there. We're running
a competition over there--

Oh no, thanks, sweetheart.

(HOST) Oh it's just
a couple of pictures.

-No, it's okay, honey.
-It's for Mother's Day.

You and your son
will have so much fun.

Sorry, my son?

Yes. It's a Mommy & Me competition.

The winners get
a gift voucher to the mall

and get to be on the cover
of the mall magazine.

Oh okay. Where do I sign up?

-Oh right here. There you go.
-Thank you so much.

-Thank you so much.
-Did you hear that, Jay Jay?

-We're gonna be in a competition.
-Oh. (CHUCKLING)

-Oh there we go.
-Fingers crossed. Oh that's...

Kelz, thank you.
You've literally changed my life.

It feels so good to be
my old Joburg self again.

And it looks so good on you.
Welcome back, babe.

But what is your
downstairs situation?

Because otherwise
this is all for nothing.

Oh well I haven't had a wax
since I got to Joburg,

-if that's what you mean.
-Of course that's what I mean.

Tali, I knew it.

This Cape Town sh*t is really
getting to bore me now, okay?

This appointment is the
most crucial of them all.

Babe, I appreciate it,
but I don't let any old person

wax my vag*na, okay?

I'm a celebrity, babe. Hello.

Literally, my last wax lady,
she told people I was her client.

-No.
-Yes.

And then she described my vag*na
in detail to her friends and family.

Sarah Lazinski told me.

Sarah Lazinski is a liar,
and you know it.

Secondly, this is not
just any old wax place.

This is the Cookie Queen, okay?
She's famous and she's responsible

for all the highest-profile
vages in the city.

Plus, she's discreet,
and it is painless.

Babe, sorry, it is not
gonna happen, okay?

Look, I would need to do
a full background check on her

-before I just go waltzing in there.
-Too late. We're waltzing.

And one, two, three.
One, two. Cookie Queen!

Howzit? Howzit?
It's me, Kelz. How are you?

This is my friend Tali,
and I'd like to book her in

for an emergency session
with the Cookie Queen.

(RECEPTIONIST) That's no problem. If
you could just fill this out for us.

-Thank you very much.
-Babe, I trust you, hey?

Because this place
isn't really my.. style.

-Okay, that's rude.
-Just saying.

Just saying it better be sterile.

(COOKIE QUEEN) It's
extremely sterile.

-Ahh! Queen.
-(COOKIE QUEEN CHUCKLING)

-Howzit, Kel?
-Howzit?

(BOTH) Mwah, mwah.

I brought someone here
who needs your help urgently.

(COOKIE QUEEN) I can see.
Who's your friend?

Oh this is Tali. She's from Cape Town
though, so it's quite dire.

-(COOKIE QUEEN) Mm.
-She also needs discretion though,

because like me, she's famous.

-I don't recognise her.
-Are you sure?

Tali, from "Tali's Baby Diary",
"Wedding Diary".

I've been on billboards
and magazines.

Ja, no, I don't recognise faces,
only vaginas, a woman's true face.

Yaass, queen.

-(COOKIE QUEEN) You know it, baby.
-You guys are so hilarious.

Anyway, Cookie Queen, I respect you
and your business and your...

-(COOKIE QUEEN) Wow.
-very cute little spot

you've got here, the little flowers
and everything, stunning.

(COOKIE QUEEN) Okay.

But I'm afraid you're gonna
have to sign an NDA

before we do any waxing or anything.

(COOKIE QUEEN) I'm not
signing anything, so...

-Ja, also, Tali.
-Oh no, but it's not a big deal.

-Let it go, Tal.
-I need to protect my privacy.

Okay, but she's done
everyone who's famous.

-POPI Act. POPI Act.
-You're not the only person

who's been here who's...

-Sorry.
-Suddenly she's a lawyer.

(TALI) Look, it's not a big deal.
It is very basic.

My husband, Darren,
has signed so many NDAs.

-Okay, whatever.
-(TALI) Okay, here it is.

You can just sign it with your
finger. A little squiggle will do.

(KELZ) Can't believe
this is happening.

(TALI CLEARING THROAT)

There we go. Now was that so hard?

Okay, well I'm gonna go shopping,
'cause this was a lot.

I just need a breather.
But I'll be back.

Take care of her.
Tals, you're in great hands.

(HOST) Okay, and on the count
of three, say "cheese", okay?

Are you filming this?
Because we can sing a song too.

I'm actually a trained
musical theatre performer.

Let's show her, Jay Jay.

♪ Let it fly ♪
♪ Let it... ♪

Thank you. Thanks. Thanks so much.

But we just need the couple of
photographs of the two of you, so...

-Okay. There we go.
-Smile, Jay.

Ah stunning. Okay, and now one
where you're smiling at your mommy.

It's my boba.

Oh "boba" is a
Yiddish word for "mother".

-'Cause we're Jewish.
-Oh okay. Okay.

-Yes. Smile, Jay.
-(HOST) One more.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Oh, I mean, the similarity between
the two of you is so strong.

-Thank you. Thank you.
-(HOST) You know, same shaped eyes

-and everything.
-(MICHELLE) Yes. Yes.

He gets his best features
from his mother.

Oh I see so.

-Smile. Mother and son.
-Mwah.

Square. Square metre.
Yield. Yield. Yield in the field.

No, that is so cheesy.
Come on, Raely boy. Come.

Stream of consciousness. Ash, Ashley.

Ash, sorry, can I just quickly,
for a second? I beg you.

So I'm in the dev phase
for this coffee start-up...

I mean, property start-up.

It's like a property truck,
but instead of coffee,

I'm selling property.

Okay, basically, it's a
takeaway property start-up.

The point is I need a name.

I feel like once I've got the name,
the rest will follow.

But I need something catchy,
something fun,

something that reflects me, but also
something property, but also catchy.

What about Rael Estate?

Ashley...

you just blew my mind.

Are you single at the moment,
by the way?

-No, thanks, Rael.
-No, thank you.

Rael.. Estate.

Genius.

Come and get your Rael Estate, baby!

Hot and fresh! Love it.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

-(TALI) Ow! What?
-(COOKIE QUEEN) I've done nothing.

(TALI) Well I can tell
it's gonna be sore.

(COOKIE QUEEN) Okay,
I'm gonna go now.

-(TALI) Okay.
-(COOKIE QUEEN) Ready?

-(TALI) Yes.
-(COOKIE QUEEN) Three, two...

-(TALI WINCING) Ow!
-(COOKIE QUEEN) one.

(TALI) What?!
No, man, this is painful!

I thought this was
supposed to be pain free.

(COOKIE QUEEN) I'm actually sorry,
my hand slipped there.

Okay. Tiny bags are my thing.

Hand me the perfume.

-Hi, howzit? How you?
-(CLERK) Hey.

-Do you work here? Doesn't matter.
-(CLERK) Yes, I do.

Anyway, I'm looking for a fragrance
that's, like, summer but winter.

-Caucasians at a braai.
-(CLERK) Okay.

-Which one is that?
-(CLERK) Okay. I think this one.

-It's perfect for you.
-Okay. (CLEARING THROAT)

Ooh I must take a picture.
It's for my birthday wish list.

(CLERK) Okay.

Okay, one, two, three.

Okay, where's my bag?

Okay, it's fine.

Oh my God. Where's my bag?
Where's my Louis Vuitton?!

-Shannoni, babes. Hey, babes.
-(SHANNON) Cookie Queen, hello.

-How good is she? Zero pain, right?
-Oh mine was actually quite painful.

Okay. Thanks, Tali.

Oh sorry, Cookie Queen,
just one more thing.

I noticed you got some
security cameras up.

You're gonna have to
wipe that footage.

Because of the NDA.

-Get out.
-Okay, thank you so much.

(GUARD #1) Ma'am, you said the bag
was sitting on the counter.

-(KELZ) Mm-hm.
-You are aware

that you need to keep your bag
strapped to you in Joburg.

Okay, of course I knew that.
It was just a moment of weakness.

Okay, sorry about that. Guys,
my whole life was in that bag, okay?

Okay, well just my phone,
but I'm an influencer.

-My phone is my life.
-(GUARD #2) Can you tell us anything

about what the
perpetrator looked like?

She was tall,
she was blonde, Caucasian.

Basically,
she looked exactly like me.

(TALI) Kelz, I don't know where the
hell you are or where my mother is,

but please voice note me back.

I'm going to buy moisturiser 'cause
I've just had a very traumatic wax.

Please get back to me.

(SIGHING)

(RAEL) And obviously,
the coffee would be optional.

That's not the central offering,
the coffee.

But given the format,
the food truck format,

I thought that coffee should
at least be part of the whole thing.

-I mean, who doesn't like coffee?
-(LES) I don't like coffee.

Right, which is actually why I think
maybe we should rethink the coffee,

because it could be gimmicky.
That was Darren's idea.

In fact, I'm gonna lose the coffee.

Everyone knows coffee
has big returns.

That's correct.
Coffee does have amazing returns.

And as for selling takeaway property,
it's original, I'll give you that.

-But will it work?
-Exactly. Is it gonna work?

-I'm asking you, Rael.
-You're asking if I think

-that it'll...
-Yes.

-Well I think--
-Rael...

-Yes?
-let me give you a word of advice

based on the analogy of dogs.

A lot of dogs, good, talented,
hungry dogs, never get the bone.

Do you know why? Because they're
waiting for permission.

They're waiting for
the alpha dog to tell them

when it's their turn to feed.

Now here you are,
going out on your own.

You have a choice.

You can either be an alpha dog
with a big set of big alpha ba*ls,

or you can continue
being the beta dog.

But I promise you one thing.

Beta dogs don't build
the Sandton skyline.

Oh, no, they don't.
Thank you, Uncle Les.

You've just given this dog a bone.

Not that I need your
permission to eat it, but--

Ja, and one more thing.

Every alpha dog needs its number two
dog, or b*tch for that matter.

Who will be yours?

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

Sorry, ma'am.
Could you come with us, please?

-I beg your pardon?
-There was an incident reported,

and you fit the description
of the perpetrator.

You even have the same bag.

(TALI SCOFFING) Okay, wait.
Wait a second.

There must be some kind of mistake.
I'm not a criminal.

-Criminals don't look like me.
-Oh really? Who do they look like?

(GUARD #2) The perpetrator's a tall,
blonde kugel from Johannesburg.

Okay, well you see,
that's where you're wrong.

I am a tall, blonde kugel
from Cape Town.

Please. Nobody from Cape Town
looks this polished.

Okay, wait, I know. I've got an
alibi. I've just come from a wax.

(GUARD #1) Well we'll see about that.

-(TALI) Excuse me!
-(GUARD #1) Let's go.

-(TALI) What the actual?!
-(GUARD #1) Just keep walking.

(TALI) No, man, guys.

So after much deliberation,
because you were all so wonderful,

the winner of the
Mommy & Me pageant is...

-Michelle and Jayden Shapiro.
-(MICHELLE GASPING)

Oh my actual f*ck.

Your Boba.. Mommy Michelle and you
have won, Jay Jay. Quickly.

(HOST) Congratulations.

You have won a gift voucher
to the value of R5,000.

-(MICHELLE) Oh my word.
-Congratulations.

-(MICHELLE) Thank you so much. Okay.
-I'll give you your crowns.

Come sit here, Jay Jay.
Come, sit on my lap.

Oh there she is.
Hello, Cookie. Hello.

What's going on here?

Ma'am, we believe this woman
fits the description

of a person who'd been
stealing handbags from the mall.

(GUARD #2) Can you verify that
she was here for an appointment

in the last hour?

I've never seen this woman
before in my life.

Oh no, wait, She's just saying that
because she signed an NDA.

It's fine, babe. You can tell them.

Sorry, guys, but I've never
seen this woman, ever.

No, wait. Wait,. She is ly...

You know what? I was here.
Check the cameras. There's cameras.

Eish, we just wiped those, like,

literally, like,
five minutes ago, ne?

Yep, mm-hm.

(COOKIE QUEEN) Upon request,
actually.

(GUARD #1) Sorry for wasting
your time, ma'am. Let's go.

-(COOKIE QUEEN) It's okay.
-But I was here. I had a wax!

-(GUARD #1) Let's go, let's go.
-(TALI) What the actual?!

Love you.

I don't know how many more
times I have to tell you.

I am not a criminal.

-Darren! This is embarrassing.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING OVER SCREEN)

-Wait a minute.
-(MICHELLE) SIT ON MY LAP.

THANKS SO MUCH. OH MY GOODNESS.
WAIT... (GRUNTING)

What the actual?

Ooh! Wait!
That is my mother down there.

She can help explain all of this.

(GUARD #1) That woman down there is
your mother? Ja, right. Nice try.

-One lie after the next with you.
-But it is. I'm not lying.

Mom! Mom! Mom, it's me.

That woman over there
seems to be calling you "Mom".

No, I have absolutely
no idea who that woman is.

Nice try, lady.
It's mall prison for you.

-Let's go. Let's go.
-What is happening?

You can put the crown on now.
Thanks very much.

-(HOST) Okay. Congratulations.
-Thanks so much.

Thank you so much. I love you all.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

(INTERCOM RINGING)

Hello?

I'm buzzing you in.

(RAEL) LIKE THE GREAT
LES SHAPIRO SAID,

EVERY ALPHA DOG NEEDS HIS BETA DOG,
HIS ENFORCER, HIS NUMBER TWO DOG.

SADLY, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON
IN THIS ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD

BELIEVES IN MY AMBITION AND
MY PASSION, SO I HAD TO AIM LOW.

REALLY LOW.

Here we go.

(TARYN) Well look what
the cat dragged in. Me.

Hello, Taryn.
I never thought I'd say this,

but I am genuinely happy to see you.

Where's my script?

We don't need scripts for this one.
But I do need you.

Whoa, what are..? What are you doing?

Oh sorry, I thought we were
getting back together.

-Why would we be ge..?
-Oh I totally misread that moment.

You mean you need me in,
like, a business sense?

-Yes, Taryn.
-Oh.

-Do you think you can handle it?
-Ja. More than.

Which room are we sleeping in?

Do you any of these women
look familiar to you?

My God, it's really difficult.
You know how they all look alike.

Wait, that's my friend.

-Tals! Hi. What are you doing here?
-Babe!

Go get her out.
Hello, go get her out.

Tali, what are you doing in there?

I don't know, but it smells
like rubbish down here.

(KELZ) Are you in a g*ng?
Are you okay?

No, they think I'm a robber.

(KELZ) Do you have a shiv?
Give her a shiv. Oh my gosh.

-Tali, this is so embarrassing.
-Thank you very much.

-Sorry, ma'am.
-(TALI) Good luck, guys.

Come take your
long walk to freedom, babe.

(TALI) Oh my God.

-Howzit?
-Well that was traumatic.

Love you guys so much. Bye.

(KELZ) Come.

(COMICAL MUSIC)