01x06 - Mütter und ihre Perlen

[bunniefuu]

Sometimes I ask myself,

"Am I a loser for living with my mom?"

But then I remember
how much you love having me.

You're never lonely,
because I'm there to keep you company.

I add a little zest to your
otherwise boring and uneventful life.

So am I a loser for living with my mom?

No.

I am a hero.

That's why, Mom, I won't move out.

Wow, Ben. That was really touching.

So you broke your abstinence,

you're having the same meaningless sex
that got you into therapy.

And at your mom's house?

Yes.

Touching.

I'm sorry we can't all
be as perfect as you.

Why did you break your abstinence...

To be honest...

I'm surprised you're still here.

You have a boyfriend, your...

long awaited true love?

So, it's my turn now.

I'm ready to talk to my mom.

We've heard that a million times.

Your mom is the reason
why you're so romantic.

The reason you believe
in true love and monogamy.

And of course, why you're so perfect.

Ben, why did you break your abstinence,

-when...
-Anja, maybe I misunderstood,

but I thought this group is for f*ck-ups

who want to support each other.

Of course I'm a f*ck-up.

-Really?
-Yes. Really.

Louis and I went on three dates.
Now I invited him to my parents'.

On their wedding anniversary.

I told neither him nor my parents.

They asked me several times
if I wanted to come, but I said no.

So this is all a totally
f*cked up neurotic ambush.

Yes, these lies are very problematic.

Problematic.

And there we were.

She with her Shirley Temple.
Me with my Shirley Temple.

It was so hot.

She looked me in the eyes...

took my hand...

and then my mother called.

And then?

Then nothing.

I had plans with my mother.

Ergo, mothers before h*s.

Yes, Dennis.
Thanks for your mother poetry slam.

Zoé.

You're unusually quiet today.

Don't get me wrong.

I think it becomes you.

Especially after last week,

but I feel like it's
kind of an overcorrection.

Is it?

Okay. Look, I will talk to you guys
about everything.

About my sudden love for Luca,

my sex life, my even more sudden
break up with Luca.

But I don't want to talk about my mom.

Why not?

Because tomorrow
is the most important day of my career?

Ellen's letting me take my own photos.

For the album cover of, wait for it...

Emma f*cking Pearl.

-No way. What?
-Who?

Only Germany's most important pop icon.

-Featuring Haftbefehl.
-Haftbefehl.

-Hello?
-Hello.

Exactly. This is my big shot.

If I talk about my mother now,
I'll be in the wrong headspace.

If you want to swim and
your pond is full of crap,

then you have to wade through it
and clean it up.

Sooner or later,
we have to face our major issues.

So that we...

can swim in the headspace.

-Okay?
-Okay. I see.

You read my diaries
and corrected my spelling.

Who does something like that?

All my life you've had nothing better
to do than criticize me.

You kept promising to buy me
ice cream if I made you proud.

Did I ever get ice cream? No!

I couldn't make you proud!

Being your child is like
losing a game over and over.

That's why we have no contact!

Awesome!

Awesome.

And maybe now you're ready

to have an adult relationship with her.

For yourself.

Yes.

Cool.

We need to talk.

Hi, Mom.

I wanted to ask you...

Maybe you could visit me in Hamburg
sometime in the next few months?

Now I can concentrate on my sh**ting.

BIRGIT
Great idea. I'll come tomorrow!

That was fast.

I've got a good feeling about this.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Zoé.

Breathe. Okay?

I asked her if she would maybe one day
in the future visit and she comes today.

Today.

She's playing mind games.

Who's that now?

-We're here to support you with your mom.
-Yes.

-That's exactly why we are here.
-We are here.

Yes.

Are you cold?

What?

-No.
-No.

No.

-What are you wearing under that?
-Nothing.

Not nothing.

-Normal clothes.
-Yes.

Show me.

Come on.

My mom and me made them.

And you, Ben?

Why are you here?

I'm keeping Dennis company.

In the car you said Emma Pearl's

new album touched your soul.

He cried during her new song,
I Wanna Be More Than Friends, Yes I Do.

My eyes were sweaty.

-Then why are you wearing this?
-Guys, Zoé needs our support.

And two fanboys trying to get to the set

aren't much help.

Besides, you look like losers.

You know what?

You can come.

It's gonna be...

amazing!

I don't get the plan.

All my life my mom wanted to put me down.

Now she'll have to watch
her daughter be successful.

You're taking revenge by making her proud?

Exactly.

That b*tch won't be expecting it.

It's your job to supervise her on set.

She will be so pissed
when she sees I have friends.

Have fun guys.

Hi, mom.

She's not here yet.

I'll tell her you're her biggest fan.

I won't forget.

Bye.

Gotta get an autograph for her.

I thought you didn't want
to be bossed around anymore.

And I thought you wanted to be abstinent.
We're both wrong.

Touché. But I have a lot of sex
and you a lot of mother.

Get ready, people. The talent's here.

The talent's here.

I feel like we're meeting the Queen.

She's the queen.

Namaste, guys.

I'm so happy to see your beautiful faces
and I want to express my gratitude

to all of you.

My soul energy is
just so radiant, vibrating.

She is so cool.

So down-to-earth.

Your mother wants an autograph.
I have game.

I'll get your mom what she wants.

An autograph, I hope?

Mom? Can we talk?

Mom?

Mom?

Can you hear me?

All I hear is whining.

This set is awful.

It's' always the same boring sh*t.

It's what your manager decided on.

But you're my manager.

Exactly.

Nele was right.

These shirts...

are not cool.

I have to take this.

Hello, Tobias.

No, now's perfect.

-Yes.
-Yo, beautiful.

Hey?

How can a man get an autograph?

What man?

She'll think about it.

Do you want to marry someday?

Such beautiful eyes. Wow!

Great color.

Look. Turn right over there.

Okay.

I think that's a good idea,

but we have four concerts...

The album cover will be fantastic.
I'm totally focused on you.

Like you were on your wonky eyeliner?

First, my eyeliner is on fleek

and second,
my photo is going to be iconic.

Promise.

Okay.

I am excited.

So you know Zoé.

I'm kind of like her mentor.

She can be intimidating.

No one intimidates me.

Okay.

Time to get my mother.

I'm busy.

Busy flirting with my assistant?
She has to work.

A happy assistant is a...

-Hardworking assistant.
-Hardworking, yes.

Okay.

Or we wait a little. We're almost there.

Maybe we wait. We're almost there.

About that, Louis. We...

We won't be all alone.

We won't be all alone?

On our just-the-two-of-us-trip?

We'll be alone, but...

with my parents.

Yes, I just got the text.

It's really messed up.

It's not your fault.

That was a lie.

I knew they would be there.

They invited us. They want to meet you.

That's nice of them.

Listen.

That was a lie too. It was my idea and

they're just really looking forward to it.

No, that was also a lie.

-Lie?
-Yes...

Well, they don't know that we're coming.
That was my idea, but...

I thought it would be
a really romantic surprise

if they met you.

Okay. You know what?

We're just gonna go back. Okay?

No.

We're going to meet your parents.

Really?

Really.

-Yes?
-Yes.

How bad can it be?

Chicken or fish fingers?

Hard to decide.

Mom can do both really well.

Single life is not only
about chilling with your mother.

But she's been there for me.

We watch The Bachelorette on Thursdays.

We eat sushi,
and on Saturday we do karaoke.

Maybe I do chill too much with her.

Your confidence is f*cked.

You need a nice woman
who pays attention to you,

who isn't your mother.

Ben and Dennis, right?

Hello, Birgit.

Zoé wasn't lying when she said
two cuties would pick me up.

Which is surprising,
because Zoé lies often.

May I?

Sure.

I love your sweater, Ben.

It's nice to see that men's fashion is
not just about the masculine, fit man.

I know about fashion.

I used to be a model.

Until Zoé ruined that all.

What did she do?

She was born.

You're the shy one, right?

No need to be.

Hair loss in young men is not unusual.

And nothing to be ashamed of.

-Is it that obvious?
-Bald men can be sexy too.

Says the one in the ugly hoodie.

Come on, boys.

Don't let me tease you.

Great, Emma. Head a bit higher.

Perfect.

Okay.

Sara, can you add light on the right?

Emma, you look really great.

Thanks, super.

-Mom, what do you think?
-And now...

Mom?

Let's try something other
than just smiling.

How about some dark emotions?

I try not to engage with dark emotions.

It's bad for the career and it ages you.

Let's continue,
it's going great!

Okay...

Yes.

Better.

And now a little looser.

Yes. Great.

This is going really well.
I am unstoppable.

Excuse me.

Just a second.

I have to hug my Zoé.

So much responsibility
and so little experience.

Zoé? Hello?

Sorry.

I need to engage with some dark emotions.

Hey, pumpkin.

So nice you're here, but I thought
you'd tour the set with my friends.

I told the boys you probably need my help.

I learned a lot
about photography during my short career.

Before you came.

Yes. I am sorry about that.

I'll leave you to it.

It's a bad idea.

I know it sounds totally crazy,
but you will love my parents.

Yes, but it's still a bad idea.

They're the greatest,
most faithful couple.

I don't even know
if they've ever slept with anyone else.

Okay.

Four cars?

How many family members are there?

Maybe they're having an anniversary party.

Come.

Here we go. Voilà.

Hello?

Hello?

Where is everyone?

It's like a horror movie.

Two young people, empty house.

And what happens next?

We'll definitely be m*rder*d.

Sure, we'll surprise her with that.

That's the best thing ever, isn't it?

Excuse me?

Hang on.

Could I get your daughter's autograph?

I am a big fan.

Absolutely not.

How nice.

That it finally comes into fashion
among young people.

What a joy.

What's coming into fashion?

I think we're in the wrong place.

If you're here for the swinger party,
you're in the right place.

We've already started.

I know what's going on.

My parents accidentally
rented the house to some perverts.

We've to stop this.

Right now.

Everyone out, right now. Okay?

The party is over.
You can do it wherever but not here.

Swingers abusing my parents' house.

Really disgusting!

Louis.

Is that coconut oil?

Cool.

That was fun, wasn't it?

-Yes. Can I get your...
-Number?

Sure.

You had sex with her?

Sorry, I'm an addict.

And a good one.

Maybe Nele was right about your relapse.

If Nele's so clever,
why don't you marry her?

You're really not into Nele?

You know what?

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I had feelings for Nele,
but that's over.

You're wrong about my feelings for Nele.

Nele's wrong about me.

I'm fine.

Just take care of yourself.

Speaking of taking care.

If you're here...

and I am here...

who's with Birgit?

Many children blame themselves
for their parent's divorce.

Zoé too, and in our case,
that's not entirely unjustified.

Move your head to the right.

No, to the left.

-No, to the right.
-Left or right?

Look into the camera.

No. I wanted to have a look...

at the n*pples.

Sara, the n*pples!

The models need more
gold on their n*pples.

That tone in her voice,
it means she's very nervous.

Can we get more wind from the palms?

Interesting.

We don't need the palms.

I see.

Let's try something different.

Can you decide already?

This is typical.

She can't handle stress.

What do you want to do?

What do I want to do?

You're the one in charge.

Mom.

-Mom?
-Great, sweetheart.

I...

I just need a moment.

Just do your job!

Are the n*pples golden enough?

I'm not sure.

Mom, she's incompetent.

Great, sweetie.

She wasn't born to lead.

That's for sure.

Can you stop beating up
on me for one second?

No wonder we haven't
been in touch for a year.

Is this a therapy session?

And you can also shut the f*ck up.

You spoiled child.

What the f*ck?

No, man.

Who does that?
That's disgusting, isn't it?

Maybe we shouldn't judge, okay?

Oh! I am judging, all right?

-I'm judging.
-Okay.

Yes.

-You think they'll like it?
-Yes.

We're back with snacks people.

Hi.

Hi.

Why are you here?

We told you not to come.

What is that?

Thanks boss.

They're my parents, you pervert.

My girl.

Don't be so rude to the president
of the Eimsbüttler Swinger Club.

An impressive achievement.

-What?
-Our first female president.

Tell me that's not true.

I am sorry you had to find out like this.

You were the one who told me that sex

can only be fulfilling
between married people.

We're all married here.

Nele.

Do you know that my whole life,

I've been seeking for a relationship

just like your perfect marriage.

And you're screwing around
with a bunch of strangers?

They're not strangers.

Nele, sweetie.

I think it's best we two talk in private.

That's the one thing
you find better in private.

-Mortadella?
-I don't eat meat.

I f*cked it up.

It's not so bad.

You were just a little rabid.

Why can't she leave me alone?

Why do you ignore me?

I ignore you?

Emma, I don't have time
to discuss this now.

It was all arranged just like that. So...

stand up there and smile.

It's gonna be okay.

I don't know.

But let's talk about this...

set, please.

Hey.

I know what it's like.

Well...

not the masses of fans or...

the millions of euros
or the famous friends.

But I have a difficult mother, too.

They don't support us the way we need.

I can imagine that...

all the jewelry in the world doesn't help.

It does help a little.

Daughters like us...

have to get through it.

I mean...

sometimes life is like a dirty pond.

And before you can go swimming,
you need to clean the pond first.

I didn't get the metaphor either, but...

Yes. Of course.

My mother is the pond.

And if I want a great career, then...

I need to clean up
the relationship with her.

That's genius.

Cool.

God. Look at me.

I see you.

May I?

There she is.

Please tell me that's a joke.

This won't do at all.

We're starting over.

What's going on?

Disaster.

Ugly, dark.

And not a single golden nipple in sight.

Zoé?

She looks different.

She looks awful.

She looks fierce.

We're using it.

Not because I look different or awful...

or fierce.

Because I look the way I feel.

I decide.

We're done here.

Okay!

We're done, folks!

It's a wrap, people. We're done!

We're done.

Great job.

But next time you use my set.

Zoé.

I've been thinking again
and I can explain to you later

-why everything went so wrong.
-Nothing went wrong...

Never mind.

Do you know what I feel like?

Ice cream.

Come on.

My treat.

To be honest,
I think you parents are pretty cool.

Let's listen to some music.

Hey.

Nice hoodie.

Here. Your autograph.

Did you hear that?

She likes my hoodie.

And she kissed me.

I have to call my mom.

If I've learned anything today...

it's that some don't have
a great relationship with their moms.

Are you going away?

You're moving out.

Seriously?

My things are broken.
I feel like a cleaning lady.

I worry about your health all the time.

I just can't relax in my own house.

Our house.

What's more, I can't sit back
and watch my own son throw his life away.

I've seen this before.

After your dad's death.

Who broke your heart this time?