01x01 - The Map and the Territory

[bunniefuu]

- Can we talk?

- After dinner.
Guests are coming.

- Cancel it.
- Can't.

Phone lines are down again.

They said they will
come back by tomorrow.

- Do you speak English?

- Yes.

- We received a phone
call about an emergency.

- Oh, let me see.

- Alba!
- No fast moves.

Sierra: Get down.

Alba. Is that your name?

Alba: Yes.
- We're not here to hurt you.

We just need a place to
lay low for a little while.

Who else is in the house?

What is there to think about?

- No one.
- Good.

Where's your first aid kit?

- You're not real paramedics.
- This is a real g*n.

Batty: It's in the kitchen,
on top of the fridge.

- Get it.

Sit down.

Sit.

- Are you having people over?
- Yes.

Sierra: Cancel it.
- I can't.

Sierra: Why not?
- Phone lines are down.

- When will they be fixed?

- It could be a while.

Happens twice a
week around here.

It's a surprise if you
have any kind of service.

- What about cellphones?

- Clearly, you're
not from around here.

- Anybody else?

You two a couple?

- Yes.
- No.

- Maybe we got off on
the wrong foot here.

When I ask a question, I'd
like a straight answer.

Let's try that again.
Are you two a couple?

- No.
- Yes.

- You're gonna have
to work on your story.

- There's no service here.

- Of course not.

Alright, she's coming with me.

You good?

Let's go!

- Where is he taking her?

Sierra: The less you know,
the better chance you have

of getting out of this alive.

- Get on your knees.
- Why?

Sierra: Because I need
to tend to this wound

and I can't keep my g*n
on you at the same time.

- I can help you.

- You ever cleaned a
b*llet wound before?

- No, but I'm a quick learner.

- And I'm a fast f*cking draw.

That's the only warning
you'll ever get.

Get some rags and hot water.

Looks good.

The b*llet went
straight through.

It doesn't look like it
hit anything serious.

You're gonna be fine. I
mean, you don't deserve it,

but you're gonna live.

Clover?

Clover, can you hear me?

- Clover Braun.

Call me Clover.

- Sierra Loba.

Call me Sierra.

I've never done a job where
the driver was a woman.

Clover: Makes two of us.

- You mean, you're
not the driver,

or you mean this is
your first rodeo?

Clover: Oh, no, I'm the driver.

I've just never done a job
where the muscle was a woman.

Sierra: Family business. I
was supposed to be a boy.

Clover: Me, too.

I know female
bodyguards are becoming

more and more popular nowadays

on account of blending
in more easily than say

a bulky 300 pound goon,

but I cannot imagine a world

in which you possibly blend in.

Sierra: What do you
like to be called?

- Malone is fine.

Malone: You're the only
house around for a mile.

Batty: Yeah.

- You two don't get
scared there on your own?

- Sometimes.

- Tell me about the
people coming for dinner.

- Max Hammond and
his girlfriend, Maru.

He's a television producer
who makes documentaries.

He does something for
the government here now,

I'm not sure what, something
with the Ministry of Culture.

- He's American.
- He is.

Malone: Documentaries
like... movies?

- Boring ones about
coffee farmers

and Indian villages and stuff.

- Huh. And what do you do?

- I...

Nothing much, just
keep the house clean.

- So you're a housekeeper.
- I guess.

- You don't sound too sure.

- What do you do?
- We're talking about you.

- Oh. I thought we were done.

- Pretty tough sell,
you as the help.

Batty: We fired
our housekeeper,

so I'm picking up the slack.

- So whose house is it?

- Mine... I guess.

- See?

There's that lack
of conviction again.

- Think whatever
you want to think.

- Stay low.

Maru: "Dear Mom, you were
wrong about everything.

Quitting my job and
telling my roommate

she was a hefty
bag of monkey sh*t,

prompting her to kick
me out of the apartment,

maxing out my credit card
after running out of cash

didn't turn me into a
homeless drug addict

turning tricks on the side.

Au contraire, as they
say in Saint Barth.

I have landed on my feet.

Met a sweet guy.

Have a nice place to stay.

Things are looking up.

What can I tell you about Max?

It's the little details
that drive him crazy.

He likes the way I eat ice cream

because he says my
mouth is hypnotizing.

He likes the sound of my
voice, especially when I yawn.

He says I yawn like a cat.

He just loves watching my a*s.

He can spend hours watching it.

He likes it when
I put my hair up

because it exposes my neck,

and he says I have the prettiest
little baby hairs there.

He likes my tan lines

because he says
invisible bikinis

are the only kind of
bikinis that matter.

He likes to watch me dance

because he says he
can't figure out

what beat I'm dancing to,

but he likes it much better

than the beat of
the music playing.

But what he likes the most
about me is after sex,

the way my breath settles down

and I fall asleep for
exactly one minute,

no matter what
time of day it is.

This is probably the
best place to start."

- Maru, wake up.

- Hmm?

Max: We gotta go.

- Go where?

Max: Dinner with Alba
Fontana, for my project.

Did you forget?

- No. I, uh, I just...
thought it was later.

- You slept for three hours.

Maru: No, I didn't.

- Did I?
- Yeah.

- Why didn't you wake me?
- I'm waking you now. Let's go.

- I have to shower.

- There's no time. Let's go.

I have a meeting at 9:00,

so we're not gonna
be there long.

Maru: Who are you meeting with?

- You know, what's the
point of always asking me

when you don't understand

the first thing
about my business?

- God. It's an innocent
question, it's not a crime.

- Yeah, well, lately
you've developed

this terrible habit of asking
questions all the time.

And it's annoying.

Hey.

Hey! Hey, Roberto.

Maru: Okay, Mom, he's
not the warmest guy.

He's got that inbred arrogance
that a lot of American men have,

but I'm chipping away
at it, little by little.

I see his potential.

- You're gonna wear that?

- I thought you
liked this dress.

- Looks cheap. Wear
something else.

- Did I do something
to upset you?

- You mind if we
fight in the car?

We're very late.
- I don't want to fight at all.

- Yeah, me either. So
the quicker you change,

the quicker we can go.

Hey, Wilfredo...

- Go up to it and
open the back doors.

Grab the five orange bags.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna make sure
nobody's watching you.

- And if they are?
- I'll think of something. Go.

Sierra: What time were
they supposed to get here?

Alba: Any minute.

Sierra: If they get here
before my friend comes back,

you're gonna have
to turn them away.

Make up a story.

Death in the family
or something.

- I'll come up with
something but not that.

Sierra: Why?

- It'll just raise
more questions.

I'll tell them I'm sick.

Sierra: Make it believable.

- I feel sick.

- You'd better go clean up.

Alba: Desperation is a trap.

Have faith. There is
some way out of this

that simply hasn't
occurred to you yet.

Getting emotional won't help.

So don't get emotional.

- Everybody be cool.

You're gonna have a
nice, short dinner

and you're gonna send them
on their way. You understand?

Say yes.

- Yes, I understand.

Max: Ah.

I guess maybe we're
not the only guests?

- If you try anything,
you'll be the first casualty.

And you'll be the second.

Your guests might
be third and fourth,

but you'll definitely
be first and second.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

- That's the only
way this works.

If something
happens to somebody,

something happens to everybody.

Up to you to stay
focused and play along.

- Sorry we're a little late!

Alba: Welcome.

Alba, I can't believe
how long it's been.

Ah, you look... you look
terrific! Come here.

Alba: Have you met?
- Uh, yeah. We met once,

and you look terrific
also. Batty: Hi.

- I'm Maru. Batty: We met.

Yes. Right.

- Come in.

And this is Fausto,
the new butler.

- Hey, pal.

- Hey. Can I... get
you folks a drink?

- I'll have a whisky.

Malone: Um, can I get
anybody anything else?

- Can you make a martini?

Malone: Gin or vodka?
- Uh, gin, please.

Malone: I'm obliged.
- Are you sure about this?

- You think it should be vodka?

- Well, butlers
are all the rage.

- Well, he's been a lifesaver
ever since Inocencia left.

-Yeah. He's first rate.

Max: To Archie. A great man
who brought us all together.

- Yes. To Archie.

- And despite his
many accomplishments

and a life well-lived,

I don't think he would've
ever guessed that you two

would be working together
to organize his archives.

- Sometimes you have to
let bygones be bygones.

- Anyway, that's the theory.

- Hey. Can I get some
more of that shrimp?

And I'll grab another
whisky. Thanks, chief.

- And I'll have another martini.

- I think you've had
enough, sweetheart.

Maru: I've had two. Max:
Two is more than enough.

Maru: It's not a crime.

Max: Young people never know
how to control their liquor.

Maru: I guess by the
time they figure it out

they've turned old inside.

Max: I swear, it is a mystery

what goes on between those
pretty little ears, huh?

Hey, where are you going?

- I don't know yet.

Just loaded with
impulsive behavior.

- The foundation is
launching a new channel,

centered on Mexico.

Its homegrown heroes, its
food, its landscape, etcetera.

And guess who's running it?

- Congratulations, Max.

- I want to talk to you
about documenting his career.

Now before you say
anything, just hear me out.

- Whose career?
- Archie!

Maru: Fausto?

- Yeah?

Maru: Can you make my
next drink a bit stronger?

- Tell you what. Gin is gone.
Why not a shot of tequila?

Maru: Is it bad to
mix at this point?

- Not if you're
trying to get wasted.

Maru: So will you
have one with me?

- Sure.

- Was that your girlfriend?

- Who?
- Who you were whispering with.

She's beautiful.

- Nah. That was... a ghost.

I hope you don't
mind me saying this,

but your husband is a
touch condescending.

- I don't mind.

And he's not my husband.

- Even if I was still making
documentaries, why would...?

Max: Well, you know me, Alba.

I'm a dog with a
bone and all that.

But the story of his life
needs to be told by an insider.

A more objective one,
perhaps. Not his ex-wife.

His ex-wife who's
living in her old house,

working side by side
with the new wife

to organize his legacy.

Someone could make a documentary
about this right here.

- It wouldn't be
very interesting.

- What? Well don't
say no just yet.

Just think on it.

I have to use the
little boy's room.

- Whoo! Fausto is intense.

- Who'd want to see a
documentary about Archie?

- No one in their right mind.

- This is a
money-laundering scheme.

Max thinks that
because he met me

waitressing in a poker room
wearing nothing but feathers,

that I can't grasp he
runs a side business

laundering drug money.

It's almost endearing.
Max: Maru, let's go.

- We haven't had dessert yet.
- Well, next time.

- It's my favorite
part of the meal.

- You're drunk.
- Never too drunk for dessert.

Max: Let's go, Maru.

- No! Max: Hey.

Well, you wanna
walk? You wanna walk?

I'm fine with that.

- I'm in great shape.
- Better if you drive.

- It could be dangerous.
- Yeah. Very dangerous.

- Dangerous how?

If someone tries to kidnap me,

I will tell them
I was almost r*ped

by my math teacher once,

but my vaginal muscles
clamped down on his d*ck,

making it impossible
for him to withdraw

for almost two hours.

It's an ultra-rare condition
called p*nis captivus.

- Look it up.
- Right.

- She's a pathological liar.
Maru: Well, that's true,

But the p*nis captivus
thing is legit.

Max: And I'm sure it sounds
fascinating inside your head

but out here it sounds like
the nonsensical ramblings

of a spoiled drunk.
Come on, let's go.

- Well, like you always say:
"opinions are like hemorrhoids."

- I never said that.
- "Every as*h*le eventually..."

- I never said that.

- Maybe it's one of your cartel
lawyer friends who says it.

What's his name?

Wilfredo!

- Good night, Maru.
- Good night, Hitler.

- I'm sorry about this. Uh,
I really, really have to go.

Thank you.

- If he doesn't make on time
to his business meetings,

they actually might
decapitate him.

Malone: We still clear?

- Crystal.

Malone: Go, go, go!

- You wanna take
a picture or what?

Clover: Everything go okay?

- Absolutely fine.

Sierra: Why are
we slowing down?

Clover: Checkpoint.

- Okay. Don't sweat it.

- What are you doing?
- Something's f*cking wrong!

- We went over this!

- You shouldn't be up.

- I have to pee.

Where are we?

- Somewhere safe, for now.

- Sierra? Malone: Asleep.

I'm taking the first shift.

- And the diamonds?
- We have them.

- I'm sorry about
the checkpoint.

I understand if you're upset.

Malone: I'm not upset.
- You're not?

- Do me a favor,
pull down your pants.

- You can't be serious.
- I am.

I'm have no sense of humor.

- I'm not really
feeling in the mood.

- I'm not gonna touch
you. Don't think, just do.

- This is why I hate working
with f*cking amateurs.

- m*therf*cker.

- What?

- Go pee and go back to bed.
We'll talk in the morning.