01x01 - Docked

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

[engine whirring]

[car door closes]

[car lock beeps]

[indistinct chatter]

Louisa, sweetheart,

how are you doin'?

Fine. S-so fine.

Are you sure?

I mean, not fine,

of course not fine.

But, you know, uh, never mind.

Mm-hm.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles softly]

Okay

Weird.

Excuse me,

what is the matter with you?

I was wondering

the same thing about you.

-Me?

-Mm-hm.

There is nothing

the matter with me.

Nothing.

Nothing at all!

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

Thank you so much

for meeting with us today.

-All the way from Boston.

-Not a problem.

I'm looking forward

to hearing about the position.

Ooh! What a nice font.

Very professional.

Is that Helvetica Neue?

-Uh

-It's started. Sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry,

sorry, I'm late.

What you're

y-you're the one interviewing

to be our doctor?

Uh, I, trying to.

Well, obviously

this is just a formality.

Famous heart surgeon from Boston

awards from the AMA every year,

commendations a mile long.

We'd be lucky to have you.

-[laughs]

-W-wait. Uh, wait.

Just-just like that?

We're not gonna,

not gonna ask any questions.

Let's not scare away

our only applicant, Louisa.

Small town life,

not for most people these days.

Why don't you tell us why you

wanna leave the big city

to come be

our small town doctor?

[seagulls squawking]

Well, um

[door opens]

Morning, folks.

Ah, we're here

to break down the arch.

We'll-we'll be in and out.

You won't even know we're here.

There was gonna be a wedding.

[tapping pen]

Yes, mine.

Uh, you were saying?

Well, I summered here as

a child, as you probably know,

at my Aunt Sarah's,

fond memories and such.

Anyway, when this job came up,

I thought it was a good time

to make a change.

[machines whirring]

[quirky music]

I'm curious about

your interpersonal skills.

You know, uh,

our last doctor, Dr. Reese,

I mean, he just,

he always put us at ease.

Died on the job at 93.

He loved us so much

he just wouldn't retire.

No matter how much we beg.

[machines whirring]

[clattering]

[instrumental music]

Well, in terms

of my bedside manner,

I take people who are sick

and I make them well,

and they're usually

very happy about it.

[clacking]

You always conduct

your job interviews

-in a construction site?

-Yeah.

Uh, you about

finished there, Bert?

Yep. Just shards of wood now.

-[laughs] Completely destroyed.

-Yeah.

-Kind of like Sheriff Mark.

-Oh.

Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

Too soon, Dad.

-[sighs] I'm sorry.

-What?

Show of hands. Everyone in favor

of hiring the doctor.

-Oh.

-Definitely.

-Great. When can you start?

-Immediately.

Yay, now we have sandwiches.

-[laughs]

-[overlapping chatter]

-[man 1] Sure.

-[man 2] That's fine.

[indistinct chatter]

[man laughs]

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Just know this, this town

and all the people in it

are very dear to me.

So the person who is in charge

of taking care of them,

let's just say

I'm, I'm keeping my eye on you.

Speaking of which,

your left eye,

you've been experiencing

any blurriness or pain?

Uh, uh, um, a-a bit.

You may have glaucoma.

You should see

an ophthalmologist right away.

What?

Oh, the, um, [clears throat]

the coffee line.

-That's what you were.

-Mm-hm.

You'll see

I'm very good at my job.

-[thuds]

-[Louisa gasps]

[chair scrapes]

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[seagulls squawking]

[engine whirring]

[Martin] Hello.

I was told to come here

You must be Doc Martin.

-Welcome.

-I prefer Dr. Best.

Tomato, to-mah-to. I'm Greg,

proprietor of the Salty Breeze.

Someone left keys here

for me to pick up?

Yes. Louisa dropped them off.

That's a story.

Did you hear?

Nope. And I don't need to.

Doc Martin. [laughs]

Welcome. Uh, excuse my

[chuckles]

Lobster rolls.

George is my partner in life

and work

-and our culinary genius.

-Oh.

Hey, we know what it's like

to be from the big city.

We came from New York

18 years ago.

Finance, can you believe?

George, well [chuckles]

I-I was a chef

to a very famous celebrity.

We can't tell you who.

He signed an NDA.

If I told you,

I'd have to k*ll you.

[both laughing]

-Brisket. Welcome, Doc Martin.

-[Brisket grunts]

My keys? Or the number

for the health department?

Oh, yes, Louisa.

Anyway,

the whole town is squawking.

-She and Sheriff Mark

-[shushing]

[instrumental music]

-Hey.

-Hey, buddy.

-Hello. Hey.

-[Greg] Sheriff Mark.

[claps] You must be Doc Mark.

-Dr. Best, actually.

-Dr. Best actually.

Welcome to Port Wenn,

Dr. Best actually.

-Hey, Mark. How are you?

-How you doing?

-You all right?

-Anything we can do?

Uh, actually, I came to talk

to you guys about Saturday.

We'll give you back

to the deposit.

No, no, no, no.

I still want to have the party.

-[Greg] Really?

-Yes. It's the best thing

that ever happened to me.

I'm a free man.

It's time to party.

You see, Louisa and Mark?

Well, Louisa, she

Louisa dumped me

two weeks before our wedding.

Truth is, I should probably

go home right now

and write her a thank you note.

Everyone in town

thinks she's so wonderful.

Ooh, she teaches kids.

But I know the truth.

The devil lurks beneath.

The reception

was going to be here.

-Still waiting for my keys.

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

Baby, the back pocket.

I'm telling you, doc,

I think he should come.

Who wants to go

to a boring wedding anyway?

We're gonna have

an all night blowout.

-With what? A Crepe station.

-A Crepe station.

-No.

-You got plans already?

Not at all.

-I like him.

-He's nice.

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

[door lock clicking]

[keys jingling]

Where'd you come

Get outta here,

get outta here. Go, shush.

Get outta here!

-Shoo, leave!

-[women laughing]

Are you Doc Martin?

My name actually is Dr. Best.

[laughs]

Oh, my God.

Do you mean Dr. Worst?

[Amelia] He's so Boston Boujee.

[Harley] Oh, oh, tell us.

-Is there a Mrs. Doctor Best?

-What?

-Or maybe a Mr. Doctor Best?

-How is that your business?

Oh, he's definitely

giving straight.

-And so single.

-This is so lame.

If he's gonna move here,

can he at least be interesting?

[dog panting]

[door lock clicking]

Wait. No, no, no, come on!

[Elaine] Unbend the paper clips

and then bend them back up again

because it's really satisfying.

And then I might add

some more rubber bands

to the rubber band ball

'cause, you know,

I like to add a few a day,

like, to see it grow.

-Hashtags that reasonable

-Am I interrupting?

Oh, yes, sorry.

-I'm just sh**ting my show.

-Mm.

-Who are you?

-Elaine.

Your administrative assistant.

-I worked with Dr. Reese.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

I assumed I'd be interviewing

people for the position.

Well, I just saved you the time.

-Mm.

-See what a good assistant I am?

And this, w-what-what is this?

What is it, What is this?

I'm about to be a YouTube star.

I-I go through my day

and I do my usual things,

but I have Teddy strapped to me.

Guess what, the show is called?

-Bear With Me.

-Bear With Me.

-[phone ringing]

-Darn you.

Just curious, do you

happen to be experiencing

any ringing in your ears

by any chance?

-No. Why?

-Because the phone.

-Gilbert. Hi!

-[Martin grunts]

It's nice to see you.

You here for an appointment?

-Well, yes.

-Okay, step right in, then.

No, no, don't step right in.

I haven't even unpacked my car.

Is this an emergency?

Well, if it isn't an emergency,

I don't know what else is.

Well, if you're a new doctor,

start doctoring.

[upbeat music]

All right then.

What is your full name?

Gilbert Carlisle.

And would you like to tell me

what this emergency

is all about?

Well, Dr. Reese would offer

a cup of coffee first.

Not a Barista, continue.

Well, you see,

it's difficult to talk about.

I assure you, everything in here

is completely confidential.

It's very embarrassing.

Would you like me to guess?

Erectile dysfunction?

God no!

Uncontrollable flatulence,

Halitosis, leprosy?

No, no, no!

-[dramatic music]

-Hm.

The term is Gynecomastia.

Nice way of saying

I'm growing boobs.

Must be something in the water.

It's not uncommon.

Over 35% of men have it

at some point.

But we should do

some blood work.

Fine by me.

Y-you know what,

on second thought,

I'll have you come back

when I'm set up.

The needles and tubes

are right there.

Look, I'm a juicy one, here.

-Right here.

-Mm.

I just walked into my office

ten minutes ago

for the first time.

You're gonna have

to come back later.

[Gilbert] That's it?

No blood tests, no advice.

I can prescribe you

a training bra.

I have never!

Never!

[instrumental music]

Never!

You're a real charmer,

aren't you?

[door squeaks]

I'm sorry.

Uh, I'm not open for business.

Oh, no worries. We're just here

to welcome you to town.

-Here's a Whoopie pie.

-Hm.

Uh, I'd like to unpack,

if you don't mind.

Oh, and to give you our card

in case you need to make

any repairs around the place.

Yeah, we're a father and son

handyman company.

[Bert] Seems like you might

need a new paint job.

Patch up the roof, oh, and I bet

that sliding door upstairs

-needs a look at.

-Oh, your concern is touching

and I assume expensive.

No, thank you.

Hey, are you going to

Sheriff Mark's party

on Saturday?

Nope. I'm Team Louisa.

She wasn't feeling the magic.

And if there's one thing

that's real, it's magic.

You're really smart.

[both chuckle]

Elaine, please come in

with a pen and paper.

[instrumental music]

Here I am just comin' in

with pen and paper.

-[Martin] Please take notes.

-And here I am, taking notes.

Turn that off.

It's unbearable.

[gasps] Unbearable.

That is a good one, doc.

Okay, we're gonna need

gloves, gauze

Wait, it's weird,

I feel like there was something

that I was supposed to tell you.

Tongue depressors.

How's the water pressure?

[water spraying]

[Elaine]

Yeah, that's what that was.

The, um,

the faucet needs to be fixed.

Anything else

you've forgotten? Hm?

Exposed wires,

hidden land mines.

-Oh, I really can't be sure.

-Yeah.

-How about a towel?

-Yeah.

Cabinet on the left, top shelf.

-Yeah.

-[Elaine] Yeah.

Thanks.

[scoffs]

[instrumental music]

Okay, now I am going

to eat my sandwich.

That reminds me, I haven't

eaten anything all day.

Maybe I'll

[instrumental music]

Out!

Well, there's some

saltines in the cabinet.

Or you could go

to the Salty Breeze.

Won Best Lobster Roll

in Northeast Maine,

like, six years in a row.

Where's the grocery store again?

It's right in the middle

of the town. Can't miss it.

That's Port Wenn provisions

on Main Street

use code Elaine

for a ten percent discount.

[instrumental music]

Doc Martin?

Welcome to Port Wenn.

Well, if it isn't our

new doc getting groceries

just like the regular folk.

-[chuckles]

-Doc Martin!

Oh, my God.

It's so good to see you.

My son, he scraped his knee.

I'm worried it's infected.

Well, uh,

come make an appointment.

I'll be happy to see him there.

-Since you're here.

-Oh, please. No, no.

I mean, is this blood or pus

that I'm looking at?

-[dramatic music]

-[heart pounding]

Uh, just-just keep

it covered an-and dry.

[door shuts]

[breathing heavily]

[groans]

[instrumental music]

[gasps softly]

[breathes heavily]

-Doc Martin.

-Not actually my name.

Welcome to Port Wenn.

-I'm Susan.

-Good for you.

I was just wondering

I'm-I'm running a little low

on a medication and I was hoping

you could call in, um, a refill?

Like the world is

one giant doctor's office.

I'm sorry.

Dr. Reese never minded

and it is a bit of an emergency.

What's it for?

Estrogen cream, .O1 milligrams.

Fine. I'll make a note.

Although, I don't consider

this an emergency.

Oh, I disagree,

my husband and I

are very active and without it,

it can get a little bit

sandpapery down there.

Someone should warn them.

Moisture doesn't last forever.

Um, anyway,

thank God for the cream.

-Uh

-Works so well

Gilbert practically

needs a wet suit.

Wait, is Gilbert Carlisle

your husband?

-Yes.

-And you use it

-during intercourse.

-Gobs of it.

[instrumental music]

If you Excuse me.

I'll send your prescription

to the pharmacy.

[gentle music]

[whirring]

Get off my property, psychopath.

I wanted to tell you, I think

I understand the problem.

Too late. You think

you can just humiliate me?

I'll go to a doctor

in Bar Harbor. Who needs you?

Will you just please be quiet

and let me explain?

-Fine.

-Great.

-This will clear things up.

-Don't say anything.

-What?

-She doesn't know.

-Well, how does that work?

-T-shirts, pajama tops

the rare pizza boy outfit.

-What are you doing here?

-Minor medical issue.

-Nothing to worry about.

-How minor?

Approximately an A-cup.

[Susan] Well, when you say

nothing to worry about,

then I really do worry. What is

it?

-Fine, just tell her.

-Happily.

Wait

Does your husband know

about the cream?

No, and don't tell him.

Marriage has to have

some mysteries.

Oh. This is just great.

-Oh, just tell her already.

-Okay.

[instrumental music]

-[gasps]

-Your estrogen cream.

It's a female hormone.

You're supposed to wait

12 hours before intercourse.

Otherwise

there could be absorption.

-This is all my fault?

-I'm very confused right now.

You two have a drink?

Talk. My work is done here.

Here it goes.

Junk mail in the recycling bin.

Nailed it. Hi, doc.

How was shopping?

Actually,

it was very productive.

One medical whodunnit solved.

Did you finish

the inventory list?

Ah, I started it

but I got bored.

Also, um,

you have a patient waiting.

Elaine, I told you,

I'm not taking appointments yet.

-Tell that to your patients.

-No, actually, that's your job.

-That's your

-Oh.

-I'm sorry, do you have

-What the flip?

I have boobs.

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

Dude, this is getting weird.

I'm sorry.

You can close your shirt.

-This is very strange.

-You're telling me?

So, am I turning

into a chick or what?

Please, just let me think.

Has to be something.

Is that a yes?

I'm turning into a chick?

Do I gotta get

a new passport photo?

By any chance are any of

your friends or neighbors

experiencing

similar, uh, developments?

[Doug] How should I know?

You think, I walk around

talking to my friends

-about their boobs?

-No, I just, fine.

How long has this been

going on for?

And have there been

any changes to your diet?

Uh

I became a vegan.

What a surprise.

Uh, wait.

Have you been eating

a lot of soy products?

Yeah, I started eating

a ton of tofu.

Hey, that's when I started

sprouting these puppies.

Soy has natural estrogen,

but that wouldn't

Are you saying kung pao tofu

gave me boobs?!

Unlikely on its own.

-Are you a heavy marijuana user?

-Oh, sure.

Ask the guy with long hair

if he smokes weed.

I'm just trying

to figure this out.

Look, I'm through with this.

I'll just learn

how to live with it.

Stop having sex

with my shirt on.

No, please. Just come back.

I haven't even

-[goat bleats]

-[laughs]

[instrumental music]

Hey, doc.

Oh, I just got a call.

Somebody, um,

injured themselves at the dock.

They need you

to come take a look right now.

Well, is it serious?

Do they need an ambulance?

They just asked if they could

see you on their boat.

Do you know anything else?

I'm not a mind reader.

[laughs]

[dog whimpers]

[instrumental music]

-Elaine.

-Yeah.

-You're fired.

-What?

You're incompetent, distracted

and just annoying.

I've had this job

since I was 16.

-You can't do that to me.

-And yet I just did.

Now, please text me

the location of this patient.

You did get that, didn't you?

[instrumental music]

[voice breaking]

Hey everybody.

POV, tragedy has struck today

in Port Wenn.

[instrumental music]

So I have to pretend I'm

half dead just to get a visit?

-Aunt Sarah.

-Don't worry, I won't bite.

Might as well make yourself

of some use.

-Start banding.

-Me, now?

Don't get hysterical.

I'm sure you remember.

-[chuckles]

-[Martin sighs]

So, you use my name

to get the job,

and then you don't even

bother to tell me you're here?

I've been meaning to.

It's just been non-stop.

Oh, Martin, come on.

There is nothing non-stop

about Port Wenn.

But I'm very happy you're here,

even if you are a crap nephew.

But I sent you

a Christmas card every year.

-What are you talking about?

-Yeah.

"Merry Christmas, Martin."

I've banded lobsters

more affectionate.

Anyway, the truth is,

it's my fault

that we-we didn't stay,

that we weren't

your damn father.

What?

Never mind. Never mind.

You're here now

and we'll just make up

for lost time.

Look at you

like it was yesterday.

Well, I am a surgeon.

So tell me, what's it like

being back now

after all these years?

Well, I find the people here

demanding, irrational

and far too chatty

at supermarkets.

[laughs] Shop early,

avoid the crowds.

That's a good idea.

I must steal that.

So, Martin, if you don't really

like to be around people,

why did you move back here?

Hm? Tell me, what happened.

Isn't it obvious?

Someone has to look after you.

Look at you. One gust of wind,

you'll break your hip.

[laughs]

You did not just say that to me.

You've proved your point,

I'm a salty seawench.

Now, retire already.

You're way too old for this.

You haven't seen me

in all these years.

And this is how you speak to me?

I'm just trying to be

a good nephew.

Ouch! Nasty little bugger.

Ugh!

[dramatic music]

You know what it's fine.

You-you're, you're good.

You-you don't, you don't need my

help. You're fine.

[instrumental music]

Martin.

-[thuds]

-[Aunt Sarah laughs]

Did you break your hip?

[groans]

[seagulls squawking]

[gentle music]

[munches]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

-[grunts]

-[door squeaks]

[insects chirping]

[gentle music]

Oh, you.

-Yes, me.

-Early riser?

Just trying to avoid

the crowds. You?

Same.

Oh.

You were right.

It was the beginning

of glaucoma.

They, they had me on drops.

So truce?

I didn't know we were at w*r.

Hm. Excuse me.

Today was supposed to be

my wedding day.

-Did you hear?

-Hard not to.

And I-I didn't really

wanna see anyone,

but I just, I just really

needed some turkey jerky. So

You know, we all have

our crutches, I guess.

What happened was

I came back from New York

after a, well, bad breakup

and Mark, he had been

my high school sweetheart.

We just started up again.

We've been together

for eight years now.

Yeah. We really

don't know each other. So I

I know. You couldn't care less

about me. It's fantastic.

Anyway, you know, I always knew

that it wasn't right.

But Mark, he was my best friend.

And I'm sorry that I waited

till the last minute to end it.

And I feel terrible about that.

And everyone here

has an opinion.

Yes, I can see

it's one of the pitfalls

of small town life.

But that's the thing.

I love it here.

I love knowing my neighbors.

I lived in New York.

Everyone living

in their little boxes

with their little salads.

That's nowhere to live.

We both woke up at dawn

to buy groceries.

Not a ringing endorsement.

[chuckles]

This is true.

I mean, aren't you supposed to

marry the love of your life?

The person that

when you kiss them

you get weak in your knees?

Or is that unrealistic?

Actually, I have no idea.

[instrumental music]

Have you never been in love?

Um

En-enjoy your jerky.

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

[sighs]

-Gilbert.

-What do you want?

I'm glad I spotted you

and saves me a phone call.

Yeah, not my usual routine

out this early,

but Susan's at her sister's.

Well, I wanted to let you know

you are gonna need

-to come in for more tests.

-What?

-There's been a development.

-I knew it was the water.

Well, either way,

call me on Monday.

[Susan chuckles] You rascal!

[Gilbert] Susan.

Oh.

Oh, no.

I, um

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Gilbert.

Gilbert, plea

Gilbert.

[sobbing]

What, are you spying on me?

Spying? No, I'm just

buying groceries.

You're the one who's spreading

your estrogen cream

up and down

the Eastern seaboard.

You're horrible. [grunts]

[Doug] Wait, Susan, wait.

Please, come back.

Get a life, loser.

[dramatic music]

That's it.

That's it.

[dramatic music]

That is it!

[tires screech]

[sighs]

[grunts]

Martin, are you trying

to run me off the road?

Of course not.

Are you all right?

Yes.

What has gotten you

in such a tizzy?

I didn't sign up

for physical as*ault

or marriage counseling or dog

catcher, while we're at it.

What the hell are you

talking about?

It doesn't matter

because I'm leaving, all right?

I'm not meant to be

a town doctor.

Because I don't like people.

I don't like talking to them

and I really don't like

listening to them.

The only thing I do like

is cutting them open

and saving their lives.

Can't even do that anymore.

Why? What happened?

I just froze. All right?

-What are you talking about?

-I froze on the operating table.

Another doctor

had to finish. There.

-You happy?

-Why?

[sighs]

[somber music]

It was a-a little,

a little girl, car accident.

Ruptured heart valve.

And how old was she?

She was eight.

[sighs]

Well, that's understandable,

Martin, isn't it?

After what happened to Rosemary.

I've got no reason for you

to throw a ball

I'm so sorry,

but story time's over.

For heaven's sake.

You haven't been here

two minutes

-and now you're leaving?

-Tomorrow.

I thought Port Wenn would be

the answer but I was wrong.

This place won't let you hide.

And that's a good thing.

[car engine starts]

[instrumental music]

-That's it?

-There it is.

-All right.

-Yeah, there, you see.

All right, there. It works.

Good. Good. Come on. Let's go.

-What are you doing?

-Oh.

Had a free moment.

Thought we'd start

-on the door.

-I didn't ask for that.

Consider it

a house-warming gift.

I mean, you know, if you wanted

to give us a gratuity,

we can give you a slap

in the face for that.

[laughs]

[Al] Hey, doc,

are you really firing Elaine?

She's kind of an institution.

Dr. Reese loved having her.

Actually, it doesn't matter

anymore because I'm leaving.

-What?

-Hm. Yeah.

You can set the place on fire

for all I care.

I'm firing myself. Hm.

Firing himself? Hm?

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[phone buzzing]

Best here.

Can he move it?

As long as I know

how to love ♪

I know I'll stay alive

I got all my life to live

And I got

all my love to give ♪

I will survive!

I will survive

Oh!

Na na na na

Na na na na

Ah-ha!

Yes. I knew

you couldn't stay away.

Hey, listen.

We will not vanish

without a fight.

We're going to survive.

Today, we celebrate

our Independence Day.

-Bill Pullman, Independence Day.

-Mm.

[song continues]

We're out of Mac and cheese.

I had to pick up some shifts

now that I'm unemployed.

I'm so sorry to hear

about you leaving.

Really, thought

you'd make it all the way

to the baked bean supper.

Magical time.

The invalid is this way.

[chuckles] Isn't it funny,

even Brisket loves bacon?

Georgie. Doc Martin,

he's here to save you.

-Hey, doc.

-Oh, what happened here, George?

I had a tussle

with the greasy floor

-and the floor won.

-I can see.

I'm getting your toes for me.

Now, good. Well, it looks like

just a sprain.

So I need you to stay off of it

for a few days,

keep it elevated and apply ice.

And I'm gonna show you

how to wrap it up.

[Elaine]

Okay, everybody, welcome back.

We're on minute three.

Just waiting

for my Mac and cheese.

That girl

is a star.

[Elaine] And then

we check on the potatoes.

I love Mac and cheese.

[Mark grunts]

[indistinct chatter]

[song over stereo]

Doc Martin.

It-it's really important.

-Yes?

-Gilbert wants a divorce.

-Did you hear?

-No.

I just like to flirt.

Always harmless, but then this

one young guy flirts back.

It was really flattering

and at my age,

shriveling up like an apricot,

feeling invisible.

[scoffs] If only I could be

invisible right now.

Oh. Gilbert,

please listen to me.

It meant nothing. I'm so sorry.

You'll be hearing

from my lawyer.

Uh, I was just telling

Doc Martin how sorry I am.

-Wasn't I?

-Oh, on and on about it.

There you are. Don't go.

-I want everyone to hear this.

-Fantastic.

-You have a nerve showing up.

-I was hoping you'd be here.

You haven't been

answering my calls.

See? I haven't been

answering his calls.

I need you to know

this isn't just a hookup for me.

I actually love you.

-And I don't have mommy issues.

-Who said you had mommy issues?

S-some of my friends,

all of my friends.

But it's not true.

I want to be with you.

I love you so much.

I-I even love my boobs

'cause you gave them to me.

You gave him boobs too.

Mine better be bigger.

They are, darling,

so much bigger.

No way.

Not the way we went at it.

Oh, my God.

b*stard!

-[grunts]

-[crowd exclaims]

[all gasp]

[Martin groans]

[breathes heavily]

Gilbert! Gilbert.

Hey.

[groaning]

[dramatic music]

[panting]

Breathe. Breathe.

[knocking on door]

Hey, doc, are you okay?

-Fine.

-[Elaine] Are you sure?

[Martin] Yes.

Okay. You're the doc.

[Martin groaning loudly]

-Um

-Ah

Sorry. I'm gonna come in,

I think.

Because

Yeah, I'm coming in.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

What? What is happening?

Are you having a heart attack?

Okay. A nervous breakdown?

What? What? Tell me. Tell me.

I just have to

-Blood.

-What blood

All right. What-what,

what about it?

[groans]

-Does blood freak you out?

-Mm-hm.

But you're a doctor.

[breathing heavily]

Okay. All right, all right.

Do you want to hold Teddy?

[distant music]

You do. Just one second.

One second.

[groaning]

Okay.

Ah Okay.

Yeah. Huh.

Wow, doctor

who's afraid of blood?

I see how that could

narrow your options.

-[woman knocking] Excuse me.

-One second.

All right.

[breathing heavily]

You know, um,

in case you're interested,

Dr. Reese, he would let me

bandage wounds and take blood.

Just if you decide to stay

[breathing shakily]

I could be really

helpful to you.

[woman]

Can you hurry up, please?

One darn minute!

[sighs]

I know that

it might not seem like it,

but I'm very good

at keeping secrets.

[instrumental music]

Huh.

-You all right there?

-[panting]

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, I'm okay.

Are you?

-[scoffs]

-[retches]

-Take two.

-Thank you.

I guess

I was a little over-served.

[chuckles]

I'm assuming you have someone

to drive you home,

so you know

Maybe a breath mint and

have a nice life.

Truth is, I've been

covering it up pretty well,

but this breakup's

really messed me up.

I've loved Louisa

since I was 12-years-old.

-She's perfect.

-Nobody's perfect.

Focus on the bad things,

the irritating habits,

the quarrelsome,

lingering resentments.

No, no, I'm telling you, doc,

she is perfect.

She's kind, she's patient,

she's supportive.

The only main thing that she's

ever done is break up with

[sighs]

[sniffles]

I'm never gonna

get over this Doc.

[sighs]

I can't believe I danced

to "I Will Survive."

How lame is that?

It's incredibly lame.

Lame!

Love does make you do

some crazy things.

Yes. Getting that impression.

[grunts]

[soft music]

Whoa.

Thank you. Thank you.

That was somewhat horrific.

Thank you, doc.

Thank you.

You really helped me, man.

-I did?

-Yeah.

Wait, so you're

really leavin' us?

Much to everyone's

great relief, I'm sure.

Well, not everyone.

The way I see it,

we need a doctor,

and you need patients.

We don't all got

to love each other, do we?

[retches]

Let me get you some water.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[insects chirping]

[grunts]

[clatters]

[music continues]

-[dog barks]

-What? No, no, no, no, no.

Go! Leave!

[outro theme]