01x05 - Brandt

[bunniefuu]

[man whistling]

[man humming]

It's been a wonderful day ♪

Be an even more

wonderful night ♪

So many things to unfurl ♪

I'm the luckiest boy

in the world ♪

So.

So, right about here.

Okay, all set.

Maybe put that axe

in the tub ♪

Yes!

And talk about

our mommies in bed ♪

But there might just be one

more axe hiding down here ♪

And that axe might

bonk somebody's head ♪

I'm the luckiest boy

in the world ♪

I love my life.

Yeah.

[eerie theme music]

♪

Codependency.

Co. Dependency.

It's one of those big,

confusing words floating around

that you don't even

pay attention to.

Until it happens to you.

And at first it sounds great,

you know?

You love someone and

you need someone so much

that you can't properly

function without them?

Uh, yes, please!

But then you start to realize,

"Oh,

there's a darker side to this."

What if that very person is the

thing that's holding you back?

[sighs]

Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Hey.

[sighing]

Are you kidding me?

Why are you here?

Yes, I realize you stowed away

in my special bag,

even though I forbade you.

I'm asking you why you're here.

That is-- That's just--

That's not true.

No, I don't.

No, I do not!

No, no, I don't need you!

You go!

You get out of here!

As I was saying before

I was rudely interrupted,

this is Brant.

My first solo project.

Hmm, look at that sweet,

beautiful face.

I don't think I've ever been so

excited to get to know someone.

Who is he?

I mean, sure, he loves

Bikram Yoga, he loves squash,

he loves his extensive Blues

Traveler bootleg collection.

And, yeah,

he has interpersonal issues

with his little sister, Justine,

who, by the way, is sleeping

with his best friend, Garrett,

even though

he doesn't know it yet.

And he did just lose his job,

making him a great candidate

to film a stranger in a motel

for a thousand dollars.

But honestly,

do you really know someone?

- Until they walk in your door--

- [knocking on door]

Oh!

Hey.

MAN: Hi.

Uh, you look different

than your picture.

Uh, don't we all?

I mean, I hope you're

not disappointed or

MAN: You look really different.

Harry P?

MAN: I'm sorry?

I-- I have the wrong room,

I'm so sorry.

MAN: Wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait.

What if you have the right room?

What if fate

brought you to me tonight

instead of to your friend,

Harry P?

Yeah, no.

Can't believe I just did that.

I can't believe it.

I just let a big fish

like that just

just walk down the hall.

I could have said I was his

friend, Harry P, you know?

And-- and we could be in here

right now just partying.

Just having a great time and--

I mean, is it real?

Can I not do this on my own or?

I don't think so.

No, no, no, it's not, no.

You know what? No.

This is not a me issue.

This is a Brant issue.

That's what this is.

It is a Brant issue. Yes.

He is the one who is late.

It is not me.

And by the way,

he's not that late.

And even if he was late,

who cares?

People are late,

he's a human being.

He's gonna get here,

we're gonna have a great time

and it's gonna be fine.

Buddy!

Brant, it's your friend, Kyle.

It is, uh, late.

We said 8:30 p.m.

I did ask you if

you were a dependable person.

You said yes

and I believed you, so

I hope nothing terrible

has happened to you, you know?

And-- and--

and I'm worried about you.

Less about you being late,

but just your well-being, so

Um, yeah, just worried

about you. Okay.

Brant, this is Kyle again.

I just have to say

one last thing.

I think you're being

really unprofessional.

And you know what?

Unprofessional is fine,

but you know what's not fine?

Being rude and inconsiderate.

So, while I still hope nothing

bad has happened to you,

if something bad

did not happen to you,

and you are this late

of your own accord,

then maybe I wish

something bad did happen to you.

Something really bad.

[sighing]

All right, that was--

that was a little much.

Yeah, that was--

that was unnecessary.

God, you're so cranky.

Why are you so cranky?

Honestly, this is not good.

This-- this behavior is--

this is a slippery slope.

[knocking on door]

[Kyle whistling]

[knocking on door]

[Kyle screaming]

[growling]

[toilet flushing]

[footsteps]

Welcome back.

I can't help but notice

you barely touched your food.

I got you your favorite.

Chang's.

P.F. Chang's.

Peach buzz.

All right, fine. Fine.

You're right. And when

you're right, you're right.

I thought

I'd make a little funny

to lighten the mood, but um

When there's an elephant in

the room, or in this case

I guess we just gotta

get right down to it, so

let's do it.

[exhaling]

I would like to start

by apologizing for my part

and all the tension that

we've been experiencing lately.

I-- I realize that

we've become codependent

and-- and-- and a little toxic.

And I know it's hard to sustain

a long-term relationship

like this.

I'm guilty of not watering the

partnership as much as I could,

so I want to apologize.

And I wanna tell you that

I'm willing to compromise.

I'm willing to do whatever

it takes to make this work.

I love you.

[growling]

Okay, can-- can--

can we please not? Can--

Can we just be

adults tonight, please?

There it is. This. Right here.

This is the problem.

I come to you vulnerable.

I come to meet you halfway

and what do you do?

You just-- you just pull me

over towards your side.

- That's what's--

- [growling]

Yeah, you think-- No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not how this works.

Because we are a family

and we have to consider

everyone's feelings here.

Do you understand that?

[snarling]

Don't you dare

talk to me like that!

Don't you dare!

I buy you a nice meal.

No, I buy you an excellent meal,

and this is how you repay me?

I'll turn this camera off

right now.

I'll do it.

We can go right home.

We don't have to have a movie.

- [growling]

- Hey!

Stop it!

You stop that right now!

You were just a little b*tch a*s

baby wolf when I found you,

and I will put you right back--

Don't you grind

those hips at me!

I know what you're doing and

I will do it right back to you!

I will! I will m*rder you!

I will m*rder you

and I will cut you up

and I will eat you up!

[growling]

So, he's, um

He's still very angry.

So I think we're

going to have to resort

to some kind of plan B here.

I don't wanna hurt him,

you know?

I just-- I just wanna see

if I can do this on my own,

just one night.

It's like I wish there was a

way I could just euthanize him.

I mean, temporarily, of course.

[sighing]

Hey, buddy.

I am so sorry

I lost my temper like that.

I really, really shouldn't have.

I did some reflecting

in the bathroom,

and I've decided, well

you win.

I don't wanna

fight with you anymore.

If that means we're codependent

or if that means you have

to take over completely,

I'm okay with it,

I just wanna make peace.

Can I pet you?

Aw, yeah.

That's a good boy.

Everything's gonna be--

- Okay, all right!

- [growling]

- Got you now! No biting!

- [snarling]

Ow! Ow! No biting!

Ow! I said no biting!

[snarling]

[footsteps]

Wait, come back!

It was a joke!

I wasn't gonna--

Where'd you go?

- Hello?

- [lights humming]

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Okay, okay.

Where'd you go? Where'd you go?

All right.

[Kyle panting]

Where'd you go?

[laughing] I got you.

It's okay.

Hmm?

Oh, man.

That was good.

That was really good.

Okay, shower!

[soft grunting]

Oh, the shower. A classic!

Maybe slowly backing up.

Can't see behind me.

Quick bump. There you are!

Okay. But seriously,

like, where are you?

This is crazy.

How do you make God laugh?

You make a plan.

You try to do something nice

for yourself for once.

You meticulously plan

a beautiful evening.

- And then--

- [door squeaking]

Really?

Okay.

I am so tired. I am just

I am so tired.

I'm not sure that's true.

Mommy?

Wait.

Are you saying we're--

I miss it too.

Wait, is this real?

Or are you tricking me?

Because you know I have a hard

time telling the difference.

Wait.

You locked yourself--

I-- I don't see a lock.

I'm-- I'm not--

I'm not sure that's possible.

Okay, if you say so.

Wait.

Wait, I can just

leave you in here.

I could. I could just go home.

I could end

all of this right now. I--

I could lead a normal life.

I'm sorry.

I think I have to say goodbye.

I think--

[growling]

[water running]

Oh? What? What?

Oh, boy. Oh, God.

Oh, uh,

Okay. I can see you're angry.

- [water running]

- Yeah. [grunting]

If we don't talk about

our feelings, I don't--

- [water running]

- Okay, okay.

- Can I just ask you--

- [water running]

Could you please--

That's not-- No.

- We're just--

- [water running]

You know what? Fine.

Go ahead. Fine.

If you need to do it,

just get it out of your system.

I don't care.

I'll do this all day long.

Okay? Yeah. Okay.

All right, enough.

Really, that's enough.

That's enough.

[shouting] Enough!

[panting]

Oh. I see.

You've got the camera now.

Somebody wants to be a big wolf.

Okay.

Well, just you remember this.

You take a shot at the king

baby, you best not miss.

[both laughing]

[knocking on door]

Oh!

BRANT: Kyle?

If I came all the way out here.

Kyle, are you here?

KYLE: Brant?

BRANT: Kyle, yeah, hey!

KYLE: Brant, is it really you?

BRANT: Yeah, man.

I'm sorry I'm late.

KYLE: Oh, Brant,

you have no idea

what I've been through

tonight waiting for you.

I'm so glad you're here.

Are you still up for this?

You're not too tired?

Because you're

really, really late.

BRANT: Yeah, I'm good.

KYLE: Okay, okay.

Look, I'm gonna open

the door a little bit.

Don't come in! Don't come in!

BRANT: Okay.

KYLE: You count to three

and I think we can get

this in one perfect shot.

BRANT: Okay. Um

One.

Two.

Three.

Um

- [Kyle shouting]

- BRANT: f*ck!

[eerie theme music]