02x02 - WES

[bunniefuu]

[exhales]

Four years of film school
for this sh*t.

Yep, $200,000 in debt,

and now you get
to film another shitty

pilot presentation for another

f*cking house-flipping show.

[sighs]

God, what a f*cking loser.

k*ll me.

Hello?

Hello?

-You're too late.
-[screams]

I already sold it.

You scared me.

There's no reason to be scared.

There's always another home
right around the corner,

just waiting to be flipped.

I'm Trip Engold,
and you must be Wes.

Yes.

Look at you.

Yeah.

You got a really good
energy about you.

You seem like
a real professional.

-Oh, right, yes.
-I, I, I, I...

I brought my transcript
per your request,

and then also my degree
in cinematography...

There's no need,
I already called

the university and vetted you.

I'm sorry to be such a stickler
in the hiring process,

but professionalism
is very important to me, Wes.

How do you feel about it?

Uh, about what?

Professionalism.

I-I'm for it...

I think it's the single
most important quality

a human being can possess.

I think the lack of it
is the reason our society

has gone off the rails,
don't you agree?

Yeah, totally...

-Of course.
-Permission to hug?

Okay, coming in anyway!

-Okay...
-Okay.

I hope you're ready to get going

because we are
going to make magic.

The first scene for the pilot

of the greatest house
flipping show ever made,

Flipped and Sold with
Trip Engold.

-Okay, are you rolling?
-I'm rolling.

Okay, that's a problem because
I know you're not rolling.

I know this camera,
and when it's rolling,

the red light is beeping,

and it's not beeping
right now, Wes.

-No, no...
-You're not rolling, Wes!

-Look, look, look...
-I'm rolling!

Look, the red light is on.
Just take a look...

-You're lying.
-You're lying to me!

-I swear!
-Take a look at it, man.

I don't see it.

I don't...

[laughing]

I got you! I got you!

-Yeah, I know.
-Y... You got me.

Professionalism, Wes.

The single most
important quality,

followed closely by
a good sense of humor.

Okay.

You're all right, Wes.

I think this is going
to be a good day.

[eerie theme music]

♪

You know, you did
a really great job

filming that intro
back there, Wes.

Oh, thanks, man.

Oh, 100%, total pro.

Are you going to tell me
how I did?

Um, I thought you were great.

-Really?
-Yeah...

That means so much
coming from you.

I really want to get this right.

So many of these
house flipping shows,

they're just janky, you know?

And not just the filmmaking,
the flips themselves.

They're downright
unethical, you know?

They ignore the fundamental
issues of the homes,

the plumbing, the electrical.

And they think what?
Because you slap

some 22 cent subway tile on it,

that it's a good flip?
I don't think so.

I don't think so...

Yeah, uh, yeah, totally.

-You get it, man.
-You're so great.

So I think now would be

a good time to get
some B-roll, you know?

I see this as the second part
of the pilot

where some kinda
funky music is playing,

and I'm explaining to audiences
that we're headed off

to a remote section
of the woods,

we're going to see this
dilapidated, kinda creepy home,

which, spoiler alert, of course,

is going to be
somebody's dream home.

But right now, it's like,

almost looks like a place
you get m*rder*d in.

You know?

-Uh...
-So, yeah, look around.

-Get some stuff.
-Okay.

That's just some tools
of the trade.

I like to carry a shovel
to dig into the foundation,

make sure it's solid.

Right, um,

and the...

the plastic tarp?

You ask a lot of questions.

Well, like you said,

I'm a professional.

Plastic tarp is for some
painting we're gonna do.

Also, occasionally
find some dead vermin

underneath the house,
and plastic's always good

for carrying out bodies.

-That makes sense.
-Yeah, totally.

[nervous chuckle]
Um, yeah.

Um, could you remind me again
where we're going?

Yeah, it's just about


We're getting there.

Right.

Um, what, what,
what's the address?

Why do you need the address?

I'm just, I, curious...

You're a squirmy little bugger.

Look at you,
you're shaking over there.

Yeah, I, I, I, I think I...

I think I need to go
to the bathroom.

Oh, well, there's not
many rest stops out here.

Not much of anything.
But, you know.

You can just wait till
we get to the house.

I'm, I'm just not, I'm not
sure if I could hold it.

-Well, it's really close.
-You're fine.

I-It's number one.

So ma... maybe you could
pull over real quick.

No, there's no shoulder
on the road.

I wouldn't want anything
bad to happen to you.

-I-I know, I just...
-I really, really got to go.

This came on kind of suddenly.

-Yeah, man, I don't know.
-I just... I can't...

I don't know, c...
can you pull over, please?

-Because I really got to go...
-No, I can't do it,

because it's dangerous...

How do you... no, please stop,
I just really gotta go.

How do you open
this thing? f*ck...

Fine. You gotta go,
you gotta go.

[tires screech]

Whoa!

Not very professional, Wes.

[sighs]

Jesus.

[door opens]
[alarm beeping]

All right.

[door closes]

Do I need a shovel? Sure.

It's a real bummer, Wes.

Not only

is this unprofessional,

it's downright anticlimactic.

I mean, I spent a lotta time
on that house.

It's a house of horrors,

the likes of which
we haven't seen

since the cl*max
of Home Alone 2...

[twig snaps]

Oh, no.

Please don't tell me you're
going to make it this easy.

It's okay...

This is just a little
confusing, is all.

I mean, I'm confused, you know?

It's all happening

a lot faster than
it normally does.

I mean, part of me wants

to stretch it out, you know?

Let you run around a little bit.

I could chase you some more.

But also another part
of me is like,

this feels kinda sad.

Please, I just...

[thud]

Yeah, it's sad.

[thud]

[Joseph murmuring]

I don't think
we can do this all over.

Put it in my calendar tomorrow.

Find somewhere else...

a little more professional.

[engine whirs]
Oh, my God.

Didn't even come close
to using you.

Sorry, PF.
Not your night.

Maybe it's me.

Maybe I'm getting rusty.

They're onto me so quickly.

Too many clues in
the backseat, maybe?

Wonder if I put the tarp...

Yeah, just the tarp,
in the back.

And then save the shovel,

the big reveal, at the house.

Might be a...
[car approaching]

[siren wails]

[screams]

You guys! Thank God!

Step away from the car!

-Okay! Thank God!
-Thank God you're here...

-Do not move!
-Hands on your head.

-Yes!
-You got him, Maher?

Yeah, but look what happened...

Look! Look!

-Hands on your head.
-Yes!

We got a male,



-He's not unconscious.
-He's dead!

It's my sweet Wes,
and that man k*lled him!

[hysterical]
Oh, God!

He's in the woods,
and he's getting away.

Get down on the ground,
right now!

-You don't understand!
-On the ground, now!

-Okay, all right.
-Okay, okay.

You guys are great.

You're great,
and you're very in command,

and you're doing a great job,
but you're missing

one very important thing.

There is a man, a k*ller,

who k*lled my friend,

and he is in the woods!

Who are you talking about, sir?

I don't know.

-Okay...
-I'm sorry.

I'm just so stupid.
I didn't get his name.

Tell us what happened
step by step, sir.

Okay.

But it's really scary.

There was a man.

He was a bad man,
but he didn't seem like it.

He was a little weird and hyper,

but he seemed harmless.

And he hired me and Wes,

my filmmaking partner,
to film this pilot

for this really interesting

new house flipping
type show, you know?

And he had a cool take.

It was like

integrity and professionalism...

Sir, please get to the point.

Yes, I'm sorry.

It's so...

[sobbing]

Sir, are you okay?

I feel like
I'm in a horror movie.

Is this real?
Are you even real?

[all shouting]

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

He put us in the car,
and he drove us

out into these woods.

And there was like,

all these weird things
started happening.

I looked in the back
and there was a shovel

and there was a plastic tarp.

And then I looked at Wes,

and I was like,
"This is weird, right?"

And then, Wes is really smart.

And he was like, "Sir,
I have to go to the bathroom."

And the guy's like, "No, you
can't go to the bathroom."

We're almost to the house."

Wes was like,
"I really have to pee."

And he's like, "No."

And so Wes just bolted
out of the car

and he ran in that direction.

And I ran in that direction.

And the guy,

he just chased Wes instead,

and he k*lled him, and...

[sobs]
And I feel guilty

that I'm alive, and he's not.

-But then I got...
-Sir...

Wait, wait, I'm not finished.

Hold on, that's when
I got really brave.

And I jumped on his back
and I whacked him with

a shovel, like two times,
really hard.

And he started wobbling.
He was like, getting up...

[cops shouting]
Okay, okay!

-Stay down! Stay down!
-Right.

But he was wobbling away.

And so I said,
I just gotta grab Wes

and put him in the car
and take him to the police.

And that's when you showed up.

Why didn't you just call us?

Because there's no c...

Hey, get your hands
out of your pocket!

Stop yelling at me like
I'm the bad guy!

I'm the good one here.

The bad guy is out in the woods

and you are wasting your time
here with me.

I promise you I'll stay here.

I'll be a little
well-behaved nugget.

Sir, have you
used any substances?

No, I haven't used
any substances.

Please, one of you,

I'm begging you, you or you,

go in the woods.

He could be out there.

Please.

Go check it out.

Thank you.

-Sir, on the ground.
-Thank you.

-On the ground.
-And just wait here.

-Yes, okay.
-I will.

He's wearing a black
button-up shirt

and silk black pants.

We'll take care of it, sir.

Make sure you get the right one.

Dispatch, this is Officer Maher.

I'm out on Old Hutch Road.

I need backup.

We have an incident out here.

About 50 yards off the turnout.

Thank you so much.

Listen, officer,
I have a question.

It's totally okay if
this is a no,

but my knees are
really just barking at me.

Is it okay if I just sit like
crisscross applesauce?

-Sir, that is...
-Thank you.

-Oh, thank you so much.
-It's fine, sir.

Good at your job and kind, too.

I hope your friend's
doing okay out there.

This guy is really dangerous.

I mean, I think he could be
an actual serial k*ller.

The poise, the charisma.

He's just a real professional.

-[police radio chatter]
-Please be quiet.

Mm-hmm, copy.

Is that backup
you're calling in?

Sorry.

None of my business.

Good thing for backup,
though, right?

Did you always know
you wanted to be a cop?

That's personal.
I'm sorry.

I'm just curious about
the whole process, you know?

It's such an important job.

You gotta be really good at it.

So do they vet you?

Is it a really long school?

Can anybody become a cop?

You have so many people's
lives in your hands.

It's like airline pilots,
you know?

You're just like,

okay, he's flying us around.

I hope he's competent.

I know I'm talking a lot.
Just two more quick things.

First, I'm so sorry

I was such
a crazy person earlier.

I'm together now.

And secondly, thank you.

Thank you for showing up

and being so good at your job.

There's no one out there.

Yeah?

Yeah.

But I did find some blood

and some evidence
of a scuffle for sure.

So he's not lie about that.

Wait, you think...

You thought it was lying?

We don't know
what happened here, sir.

Sir, all we know is that
we found you dragging

a dead body in
a sheet of plastic

heading towards your car.

It's his car, not my car!

Yeah, okay, but you're
the only person out here

and we have a responsibility

to go with only
the evidence we have.

-[stirs]
-So...

Wes? Wes!

You're alive!

-Easy, easy.
-Back away, sir!

Back away. Sit down!

You okay? You okay?

-You're okay, buddy...
-Sir, we need you

to be quiet so that we can
ask your friend some questions.

-Slow, slowly, slow.
-Take it slow.

Take it slow...

Okay, sir,
we're going to help you.

[overlapping chatter]

Easy breaths. Easy breaths.

Okay...

Sir, are you okay?

-I don't know.
-I don't...

Sir, I'm a police officer.

I'm here to help.

I-I can't...

I-I'm sorry.
I can't really see you.

Who are you?

I'm a police officer.

I'm here to help.

-You are?
-Yeah.

You are? Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.
Thank you. Thank you.

[sobbing] Where is he?
Where is that horrible man?

-Which man? Which man?
-Who are you talking about?

-The k*ller.
-The k*ller!

He's wearing a black
button up shirt

with black pants.

He's so f*cking evil.

He's so evil...

[sputtering]

He said he was
a real estate agent

and he wanted to make a video

for some stupid f*cking
house show.

And then he chased me
into the woods,

and then he tried
to k*ll me with a shovel.

Okay, all right, sir.

[retching]

[all groaning]

Oh, wow.

That's a lot of blood.

[retching continues]

sh*t, we need to get him
to a hospital.

-Please help me...
-Wait, you're not finished

questioning him yet, though.

No, get him... get him
to the hospital!

-Just take him in...
-I got him, I got him.

Here we go. Here we go...

Sir, sir, we need you
to back away.

You're okay, okay, come on.

Come on, man, come on.

Sir, follow us
to the hospital, okay?

Yes, and then we'll
continue the questions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

[car doors opening]

[engine starts]

Are you serious?

Sir, sir?

What are you doing?

Get back in the car.

Follow us directly
to the hospital.

I have to talk to you
about something.

Get back in your car.

It's going to be
a bit uncomfortable,

but it's very, very important.

-I don't know.
-It's your turn, man.

-W-we don't have time...
-Is he kidding me right now?

We have somebody, we need to
get him to the hospital.

-One thing...
-Go handle this.

-I'll go check.
-Yeah, you!

-Oh, okay.
-We got to get there...

Yeah, I know we got
to get there.

God damn it!
Sir, what are you doing?

You have to follow us
to the hospital.

Turn around here
so we can turn around...

-No, no, no, no!
-[g*nsh*t]

[police radio chatter]

[officer sputtering]

What I wanted
to tell you is that

you're incredibly
unprofessional.

Very...

un... pro... fessional.

You guys should not be letting
people like me go.

It's so disappointing.

You're supposed to protect us.

I don't know.

Maybe it's me.

Maybe I'm just getting old.

Is excellence
not a thing anymore?

It's like all we're sh**ting for

is just a...

B-minus.

Everybody gets a trophy,
you know?

Sure, everybody gets a trophy.

You get a trophy,

you get a trophy,

everybody gets a trophy.

Oh, right.

[door closes]
[engine starts]

[police radio chatter]

[eerie theme music]

♪