01x02 - I Automatically Do Everything Opposite the Rest of the World

[bunniefuu]

"I AUTOMATICALLY DO EVERYTHING
OPPOSITE THE REST OF THE WORLD"

CLARK OLOFSSON

[projector whirring]

[beep]

- [button clicks]
- Please enter.

[lullaby music playing]

[girl] Surely nobody gets better
by being in jail?

Do you think
the prisoners have a good life?

[man] No, I don't think so, because, uh...

it's always difficult
for a human being to be in prison,

to not be free.

BASED ON TRUTHS AND LIES

[man] When I was a kid,
we used to read comics and so on.

They had crooks wearing striped clothing,

and, uh, bearded faces.

They looked... looked really evil.

They looked horrible.

You got scared of them.
Do you think they look like that?

- [girl] No.
- [Skå-Gustav] No.

They look like ordinary people, yeah.

[girl] What's it like in here?

Well, it's not much fun.
I can tell you that.

It's pretty empty. There's nothing to do.

Do you get better by being in here?

- You don't, right?
- No, absolut...

[Clark] You have to be a certain type
of person to handle prison life.

Most people go mad, but not me.

I've never had a problem
with being in prison.

As a matter of fact, I love it.

But it's freakin' boring.

I was used to having
a bit more action in my life.

["Pop opp i topp" playing]

My career had already gotten off
to a great start,

plus I was already a celebrity.

Sweden's favorite gangster.
A young and handsome rebel.

[camera clicking]

The scourge of society and the police,

your average Joe's nightmare,

and his daughter's hot fantasy.

[girl moans]

So now they were gonna keep me behind bars
for eight g*dd*mn years.

Like hell they were!

[moaning continues]

Well, hello there.

[cracking]

ÖSTERÅKER PRISON, 1967

[inmates calling out indistinctly]

[Clark] No, dammit.
I had to get out, and fast as hell.

Escaping is fun.

It's become my favorite sport.

I have escaped 17 times.
That must be some kind of world record.

But it isn't as easy as one might think.

[Clark laughs]

- Stop him!
- [Clark laughs]

[Clark grunts] g*dd*mn piece of sh*t!

And if you screw up,
you end up in isolation.

They say that only religious people
and boneheads can stand isolation,

and I'm definitely not religious,
but I may be a bonehead.

THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA

So I started reading a lot of books

about life, the universe
and all that sh*t.

But time flies when you're having fun,
and then, one day, it's finally over.

[door creaks]

[guard] Olofsson, isolation is over.

And you have a visitor.

- [Clark slurping]
- [Madou panting]

So sometimes you have to use
a little more creative

and unconventional methods to escape.

[Clark] Uh, I was thinking...
Do you want to marry me?

What did you say?

[slurping continues]

- Clark, did you say what I think you said?
- [sighs]

How the hell should I know
what you think I said?

- I said, "Do you want to marry me?"
- What? Are you serious right now?

Yeah.

Hell, it's a... it's a long shot but, uh...

I got the idea when I was in isolation.

Oh, Clark...

I think it will work out great,
with wedding banns and all that.

- Could you make it happen?
- [laughs] Yes, Clark!

- It's... Of course I want to marry you.
- Cool.

[Clark chuckles]

I love you.

- Yeah.
- Then it's settled.

- [door slams]
- We have some minutes left.

Do you want me to, uh...
finish off down there?

- Uh... Yes, please.
- All right.

- I'll dive right in.
- [laughs]

[Madou panting]

I can't wait to tell my mom.

- [Clark] What the hell?
- She'll be so happy.

For Christ's sake, Clark.

What the hell are you doing
marrying my daughter?

Oh, come on!

It doesn't mean
that I don't love you too... Momma.

Don't you dare address me like that again.

Okay, sorry... Mommy. [chuckles]

[gasps] Oh, God.

[Liz moaning]

[cork pops]

- [indistinct chattering]
- [orchestral music playing]

[gasps]

[woman] My God. What a lovely dress.

[man] Stunning.

[Clark] Madou's entire family
came to celebrate the engagement.

It had to be a real fancy event,

with cake and champagne,

shrimps in aspic,

and Russian caviar.

You know, those black fish babies.
Damn tasty.

- Oh!
- Mom.

Oh!

- [Liz] Where is the groom?
- [man] On his way.

I got a day release
so I could attend the banns.

And I have to admit
that I was a bit excited.

It all felt so right.

It was the beginning
of a lifelong love affair.

Oh, I'm so proud of you.
My little girl, you're all grown up.

Oh, yeah.

[door creaks]

[guard] Time for the wedding banns,
Olofsson.

But obviously not the love that Madou
and all the others were thinking about.

I mean, of course,
my lifelong love affair...

[indistinct announcement on PA]

...with freedom.

SPAIN

[tires squeal]

Ha! You didn't think
I'd get married, did you?

Hell no.

I took the chance and got myself
some well-deserved vacation instead.

Gracias very much.

[seagulls squawking]

- [thunder rumbles]
- [Madou breathing shakily]

[Liz] He's lying to you.
Who do you think he is?

Honey, dear, come in already.

Shut up! He's coming!

But he's not coming. He never intended to.

Surely you understand that?

He will! You don't know him!

No. Neither do you.

I do know him!

- And I know that he loves me.
- Oh, really?

You are just jealous and bitter
because you know you could never have him!

Well, I already had him!

[thunder crashes]

My little darling,
that's what I'm trying to tell you.

He's lying about everything.
Come inside, now!

[screams]

[mariachi music playing]

- Uh, one drink, for me.
- Sí.

[Clark chuckles]

All right, there you go, sir.

Oh!

What is in this?

- It's Bacardi Coke.
- Hell of a drink.

Yee-haw!

[onlookers gasp]

["Ding Dong" playing]

[screaming]

[bell dings]

You and me, on the dance floor.

Tonight! "La Bamba."

You and me!

[cheering and screaming]

Ha!

Yah!

[camera shutter clicking]

CLARK IN FIERY DANCE WITH
MEDITERRANEAN BEAUTY

[both laugh]

- [laughs]
- [Clark exhales]

[woman panting]

[Clark grunts]

[Clark muttering]

[both moaning]

[Clark moans intensely]

[both laugh]

[both panting]

I can do one more.

[both moaning]

[seagulls squawking]

[woman sighs]

[woman] Mm.

Hello there, Clark.

Good morning.

[groans] I'm hungry.

Don't you worry.

I will get my angel some breakfast.

- Mm.
- Stay right here.

[inhales deeply] Clark...

Yes?

- You're still naked.
- [laughs] So I am.

- You, uh... stay right here.
- [sighs]

- I'll be, uh... right back.
- Mm-hm.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

[lighter clicks]

[Clark] Damn she was fine. Ursula.

[sings in Spanish]

And life on the run was perfect.

But, unfortunately,
some damn tourists had recognized me

and taken the chance to make some money

by selling photos of me
to some gossip magazine.

And, of course, he saw the photos.

Clark.

Tommy Lindström.

You know, that damn cop.

No, dammit. Not you.

Nice and easy, now.

And don't you dare make a scene.
Just follow me to the car, okay?

[mariachi music continues]

Stop, Clark! Come on! Now!

Clark! Clark! g*dd*mn it!

Stop!

Clark!

- g*dd*mn it! Stop!
- [boy screams]

Stop, Clark!

[Tommy grunts]

- Case closed!
- Let me go! I have a branch up my a*s!

[muttering] Not again.

[indistinct chattering]

Well, Olofsson,
your vacation was a bit shorter...

[Tommy screams]

[laughter]

Clark! g*dd*mn it, Clark! Damn!

It was just a joke.

- [groans] Help me.
- [Clark] Damn, you're really wet.

- Ursula, remember me!
- [groans] Damn it! Damn it!

[Clark laughs]

[Tommy grunts]

[buzzer]

TIDAHOLM MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON

[inmate] Last set.

[Clark groans] Back to the hotel.

But this time, maybe Sweden's
most difficult to escape from,

and I didn't have the slightest idea
how to get out.

Could it get any worse?

Oh, yes.

They forced us to watch
a bunch of political hippie crap.

Misery, death.

Red one day. It's weak.

[inmates laugh]

Now, you have to remember,
it was the end of the '60s.

The whole damn hippie thing,
the left wave and all that was blooming.

Everything was political.

Music was politics,

theater was politics,

art was politics.

Would have been better
if these were naked.

Yeah, everything had to have
a damn political message.

[performers screaming]

They force-fed us a load of politics

that not one single prisoner
in all of Sweden cared about.

[exhales seductively]

[bell dings]

But then, suddenly, there she was.

I know that I say
that I keep falling in love all the time,

but this time
was something really special.

[rhythmic clapping]

[musical performance ends]

Great!

Good stuff.

Damn, you guys were great. Especially you.

You are very talented.

Thank you.

Maria, you're not allowed to talk to them.
You have no idea what he has done.

He's a human being, just like you and me.

Don't judge him
before you know what he's been through.

- I, for one, am not gonna do that.
- Well, suit yourself.

[Clark chuckles]

- Did you really think so?
- Yeah, really.

Your body...

I mean, you really have it under control.

It's important that someone has
the courage to depict the truth, right?

- Crush the imperialism!
- Yeah.

Crush that crap. [chuckles]

Well, as soon as I saw you on the stage...

"That one, she's damn special."

That's sweet of you to say.

I'm Maria, by the way.

Clark.

Clark Olofsson.

Nice to meet you.

- Likewise.
- [guard] Olofsson!

[Clark] Well, duty calls.

- [chuckles]
- Nice to meet you, Maria.

[both laugh]

[Clark] No, I never get depressed.
[chuckles, sniffles]

No, I really don't hate anyone.

Well, especially not women.

If anything,
I would say that I prefer them.

I have been saved by women
so many times in my life.

[psychologist] Hm.

[Clark inhales sharply, exhales]

GOTHENBURG

[Clark] Early on, my mom taught me
how to escape and get away for a while.

- [Ingbritt] Shh! He didn't see us.
- [both laugh]

And that has come in handy my entire life.

- [Sten clears throat]
- We tricked him.

[Sten] Where the hell...

[Clark chuckles]

[psychologist] Mm.

So, yeah, I love everyone.

Especially women.

But do you love... what they say as well?

What they feel? What they think?

Yeah, of course I do.

- Oh.
- That's what I just said.

- Yeah, of course. Exactly.
- Right? Yeah.

And you...

You're not just smart.

You're good-looking too.

As I said, everything was political.

Correctional treatments were politics,
sex was politics,

and humping a criminal...

[both moaning]

...was a political standpoint.

Rehabilitation is impossible
within the confines of the penal system.

Yeah, I-I agree. You know I love you.

- Have you read Foucault?
- Yeah, absolutely. Super stuff.

Society has done all it can to crush you,
but you have persevered.

Have I told you that I love you?

Gramsci says,

"The status quo of society is based
on a class structure

where the criminals form
the working class."

[Clark moans]

- But you have no voice.
- Huh?

How can you make yourself heard
without a voice?

A human being can only be truly free
when it has liberty.

With a strong voice,
you can achieve anything you want, Clark.

I started seeing this girl, Maria.

Anything, Clark.

She was damn smart.

Anything...

She made me realize that if I just became
a real pain in the a*s,

I wouldn't have to break out.

You're a genius, Maria.
You know that, right?

They would freakin' throw me out.

Five minutes left. We've got time.

[both moaning]

[Clark moans intensely]

Finally I had a plan.

I'd show the b*stards.

[Clark] All right, playtime's over.

From now on, I'm your new editor-in-chief.

Any questions?

Didn't think so.

Okay, get to work. We got shitloads to do.

[frantic, indistinct chattering]

INHUMANE PRISONS
HEAR OUR VOICES

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

I got the tired prisoners
of The Concrete Journal cracking.

What do you think?

But, of course, they needed my guidance.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You got to punch it up, dammit!

"Kumla, a Swedish Auschwitz.

Sieg heil, Olof Palme!"

Write that Hitler invented prisons.
A damn n*zi system.

- That'll be perfect.
- Okay.

Go on.

[inmates chattering indistinctly]

Every single inmate read my journal,

and it was easy to get them to complain
about just any bullshit.

PRISON WARDEN

And the more they complained,
the worse it got for the bosses.

- Howdy, warden.
- Yeah?

I hereby submit a list of 39 improvements
that we inmates at Tidaholm demand.

Tell Palme to fix this now.

- Immediately. Or else...
- [warden sighs]

Well, you know... stuff's gonna happen.

Bye, now.

So, thanks to me,

all the whining spread like herpes
all over Sweden.

[warden sighs]

Österåker, Norrköping, Kalmar.

Every damn prison in Sweden.

Suddenly, everybody had an opinion
and something to say.

Society... They're murdering us in here.

Well, if you have the sun shining outside,

it should be our right
to have a f*cking day release.

My ba*ls are working like crazy
and we can't screw, either.

Most of the robbers
and those who are imprisoned here

are actually pretty decent people.

The government has stolen all my money.
He's like Hitler. I mean Palme.

Why lock decent people up, right?

There's no logic behind it.

I've heard that your ba*ls can explode.

It's freakin' dangerous.

Damn sh*t system.

Yeah, and they turn the TV off
at eight o'clock!

[Clark] And their voices...

We don't get to see Söderkåkar.

...were my voice.

You should take advantage of the media.

They need you as much as you need them.

That's why you have to make sure
to get paid for interviews and photos.

They pay for that kind of stuff.

- [chuckles]
- You will get taken more seriously.

You can get your message out there
all over Sweden. Maybe even Europe.

You're f*cking incredible, you know that?

[both chuckle]

I mean, how can you be so beautiful
and smart at the same time?

[both chuckle]

Hey...

Have you ever heard of hunger strikes?

[inmates chattering indistinctly]

[inmate] Yeah, sure.

- Listen up, guys!
- [inmate 2] Oh, Clark.

We have to unite...

to, uh, fight the system.

[inmate 3] Ah, good.

[inmate 4 whistles] Everybody,
Clark has something to say.

We've got to do
everything we damn can, right?

[cheering]

We have to show those damn b*stards
that we mean business!

[inmate 5] Yes! Down with the system!

That we are ready to do whatever
it g*dd*mn takes to get our demands!

- [inmate 6] Damn right, Clark.
- [cheering]

Gentlemen, don't ask yourself
what you can do for yourself...

Uh-huh.

...but ask yourself what you can do for me.

Huh?

- O-or for you.
- [inmate 7] Oh, okay.

Or something like that. Whatever!

That's why I have decided
that every single inmate in Sweden

will unite...

[inmates cheering]

...in a hunger strike!

[cheering trails off]

- [inmate 8] Oh. Not gonna agree to that.
- [Clark laughs]

[inmate 9] That sounds like
a pain in the a*s.

It's gonna be great! [laughs]

CLARK'S HUNGER STRIKE
AT PRISONS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

Cash first.

[inmate] We're sure as hell
not eating this.

Hunger strike!

CLARK OLOFSSON GOES ON HUNGER STRIKE

CLARK RALLIES 2,500 CONVICTS

- [guard] Eat, g*dd*mn it!
- [inmate] You can't force us.

[reporter] A hunger strike spreads
to all prisons in the whole country.

The correctional treatment system suffers

and criticism is directed
towards the government,

where people demand
leaders take responsibility.

No decisions have been made
regarding Clark Olofsson.

PALME WON'T BUDGE

- Time to eat, you b*stard!
- Open up, g*dd*mn it!

Otherwise you'll starve to death.

[both laugh]

CLARK VS. THE AUTHORITIES

My principle has always been
to protect life.

We mean business! All of Sweden!

- I said that I love you.
- [laughs]

- [guard] Swallow!
- [inmate] Tell Palme to go to hell!

ONE PRISONER DEAD

[reporter] And now,
here's the latest news updates.

[reporter 2] It's reported
that one prisoner has died as a result of...

But, Clark, are you really supposed to eat
when you're on a hunger strike?

Yeah. Of course. I have to.

I've got to lead this entire revolution.
I need energy.

- Right.
- It all depends on me.

You know best, my boy.

I've brought you some bread as well.

[Clark chuckles]

You're doing so well, Clark.

I'm so proud of you.

[Clark] Yeah, yeah,
I cheated a bit with the food.

But I had to be at the top of my game.
Who the hell cares?

[footsteps]

It is what it is.

Things don't always have to be
what they seem.

[footsteps]

Like that time under the table,
for example.

My arm was broken. It was an accident.

And it hurt like hell.

[footsteps]

We'll take care of that.

You're such a good boy.

My old man did everything to the max.

[Sten] Dammit!

Come on.

Try to take the ball from me, huh?
Try to take it!

One hundred percent.

Can't you even play soccer, huh?
[chuckles] Okay, here you go!

[Clark screams]

It was that kind of sh*t that happened.

What the hell are you doing, huh?

Come on, get up. Huh?
You play like an old...

[paper rustling]

Look.

I brought you some blood pudding as well.

Your favorite.

[Clark] Mm.

Mm. Thanks, Mom.

You see,
this food strike situation is worrying,

to say the least.

[grunts] People think that we,
the penal system,

are murderers and b*stards.

[warden sniffles]

[grunts] You there.

This Olofsson,

how dangerous is he really?

You have to take things seriously
when it comes to Olofsson. There is...

I've met the man and...

he seems to be particularly intelligent
and well-spoken, if you ask me.

You have to see how serious things are
when it comes to Clark Olofsson.

- There is nothing good in anything...
- Mm. Right. What do you think?

Well, I feel that my...

treatment of Mr. Olofsson isn't quite...

finished.

So I would like him to stay a bit longer.

What the hell are you...? "Treatment"?

Look, here's the deal.

Clark Olofsson is a narcissist
and a psychopath,

and he won't do a thing
for anyone except himself.

But you're wrong.

My analysis shows a very nice
and caring person with a lot of potential.

He has a plan with everything he does,

and if you let him keep up
this little revolution,

it will come back
and hit you twice as hard, I promise you.

But I have to do something.

Palme's had enough of this crap,
so this is what we're gonna do.

Clark gets what he wants.

[Tommy] This is a terrible idea.

PALME GIVES IN
CLARK WINS

THE STUDY YARD
UPPSALA 1972

[Clark] Of course,
all my demands were accepted

and things became a thousand times better

for all the inmates in Sweden,
including myself.

Thanks a lot.

[man] Look, it's Clark.

[cheering and applause]

I was transferred
to something they called Studiegården.

To call that a prison was a joke.

It was more like a... summer camp.

- [man 2] Get something to eat.
- [man 3] You're amazing.

And now I got
all the day releases I wanted,

so now I could see my beloved Madou.

No, hang on... Maria.

I meant Maria, of course. Damn.

["Maria,
många mil och år från här" playing]

[both sigh]

[Clark sighs]

This is great.

Sure, Studiegården is better,

but it's still unfair, Clark.

- Yeah.
- No human being should be locked up.

There's nothing
that can grow in captivity.

It just breeds hate.

That cloud kind of looks like a p*ssy.

[both laugh]

- [Maria] You think so?
- [Clark] Yeah.

[Maria] I think it looks like a...

a sailboat...

that's sailing away into the...

great unknown, towards freedom.

[Clark] It was time to tell Maria
about my plans for the future.

I wasn't sure how she would react.

I'm longing for the day
that you're a free man.

Yeah.

But I don't know if I can wait that long.

And it's like you say.

- Nothing can grow in captivity.
- Mm.

Dammit, we believe in freedom, you and me.

[Maria scoffs]

Yeah, but...

I mean, where would we even go?

A seed has to root itself...

I know the perfect place
for people like us.

Beirut.

Beautiful and tolerant.

Understanding and forgiving.
Just like you, Maria.

- [Maria sighs]
- Well, I'm... I'm gonna go, no matter what.

Before this g*dd*mn system crushes me.

And I want you to join me.

We can start over.

Just you and me.

What do you say?

["Maria, många mil och år från här"
resumes playing]

- Is that a yes?
- [laughs] Yes.

- Did you say Beirut?
- Yeah, exactly.

"The Paris of the Middle East"
they call it.

I love you.

[Clark] Ha! That was the most advanced
escape I've ever done.

Everything from The Concrete Journal,
to the hunger strike, politics,

banging psychologists,
persuading Maria and all that sh*t.

And I could never have done it
without her.

Come on, honey. Freedom awaits.

Finally, I could live life again,

and we decided to drive
all the way down to Beirut.

- [engine starts]
- [Clark] Next stop, Beirut! [laughs]

["Rastlös" playing on car stereo]

[Clark sings along to song]

[Clark mimics guitar riff, laughs]

[Clark mimics guitar riff]

[Clark sings along to song]

[man] Maybe these guys.

What the... hell?!

[tires squeal]

Yes!

I know that guy. It's Kaj-Robert! [laughs]

[gasps]

- [horn blares]
- [Maria] Clark!

- Freakin' Kaj-Robert!
- [door slams]

- Clark.
- Yeah, you're damn right it is.

Oh, no.

Maria! This is Kaj-Robert,
one of my oldest, best buddies.

Hey. [chuckles]

He isn't the sharpest tool in the shed,
but we've had a lot of freakin' fun.

Right, Kajan?

Very much so.

[Clark] Let's go, Kajan!

- Whoo!
- [screams]

Yeah, w-we... we've had a lot...

we've had a lot of fun, you and me.

sh*t. Imagine seeing you here,
you old rascal.

- Yeah.
- Where are you going?

- No, no. I-I haven't decided yet.
- No?

I might just hitchhike around a bit.

And I was thinking maybe going
in the other direction instead, so I...

- What does your sign say?
- Uh...

- Hamburg.
- Hamburg.

- Well, that's that way.
- Yeah.

- Hamburg.
- Hamburg.

Well, aren't you the lucky one.

We're going to Hamburg with Kajan.
[laughs] It's gonna be great.

[Kaj-Robert] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I-I don't want to be a burden
for you guys.

You won't be a burden.
You're like family, Kajan.

Jump in. [laughs]

Kaj-Robert!

Kajan, let's go, dammit!

[engine starts]

Ooh!

[jazz music playing]

So... So, what do you do
for a living, Maria?

- Social...
- Kaj-Robert, you horny old b*stard.

Maria is mine. She's off-limits.

[Clark laughs]

Damn, it's great to see you. [chuckles]

Kajan, as I remember it,
you had some trouble with the ladies.

You're not still a virgin, right?

It... Shh. Shh-shh.

Nah.

That's terrible, Kajan.

- But don't you worry.
- [Kaj-Robert] No...

I'll sort that out for you,
once we reach Hamburg.

Reeperbahn.

Let's lose that damn virginity,
once and for all!

["Reich March" playing]

[bell dings]

["Morgen Will Mein Schatz Verreisen"
playing]

[men speaking German]

[cheering]

- [Clark] Cheers, g*dd*mn it!
- Cheers.

Life at its best.

Ah! Ah!

[inhales sharply, exhales]

I said, "Life at its best," dammit.

Bottoms up.

- [knocks on table]
- [Clark chuckles]

- [Kaj-Robert gulps]
- Here, I'll show you.

Tonight, we're gonna have fun.

- Huh?
- Wow.

Not bad, huh? No, it's all good.
But you got to keep it close.

You can't trust anyone nowadays.

There are thieves everywhere.

- [in German] Cheers!
- Hi there.

- [man, in German] Dumb Swede.
- Let's have another round. It's on me.

- [Clark chuckles]
- Not for me. I'm fine.

You know what? I'm fine too, actually.

I-I was thinking about going south
in the morning...

Dammit! Come on, Kajan.

One more would be nice.

You are gonna lose your virginity.

- Let's have... one more.
- [Clark] I promised you.

And I always keep my promises.
Right, darling?

Hey. Maybe we could go back
to the hotel, you and me?

Get some rest
before we continue to Beirut.

[slurping]

The sheets are calling,
if you know what I mean.

Yeah, sure. Absolutely.

I understand completely.

Honey, you are tired.

You head back to the hotel.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna find someone
for my man Kajan to hide his salami in.

- Sweet dreams, honey. Come on.
- [Maria] Clark...

- That's not necessary. [chuckles]
- Come on, you little monkey.

Two Bacardi Coke, please.

Have a seat. The Clark is buying.

All right, Kajan.

Now, there will be shagging aplenty.

- Cheers!
- Cheers.

[Kaj-Robert gulps]

I know you have it in you, Kajan.

- [both yelling]
- There you go!

- [Clark] Have you met my friend?
- Hey.

He wants to, uh, lose his virginity.

["Küsse Nie Nach Mitternacht" playing]

Something for you, Kajan.
What do you think?

You look so good.

Dork express!

Dammit, Kajan!

♪ Bottoms up! ♪

[onlookers scream]

So, did you see my friend?

[Clark] Two... Two more!

There he is! [laughs]
How the hell did he get in there?

- Cute.
- How much?

I got in! Yee-haw!

- Get out of here! Come on!
- [Clark] Get off me!

Clark.

- What is your name?
- [woman moans]

There's a bar here.

Have you f*cked in German before?

- No.
- Try it!

Yeah!

Holy sh*t, Kajan! [snorts]

[snorts, yells]

[women moaning]

Come on, let go!

[women laugh]

- [Clark] Holy sh*t, Kajan!
- [both yelling]

- [slurring] You want my wife.
- My wife.

Your wife. Very good.

[woman screams]

- Kajan, forget about me! Go start banging!
- [women moaning]

- [in German] Dumb Swede!
- You better watch it!

- Oh, my God.
- [snorts and yells]

- [Kaj-Robert purrs]
- [cow lowing]

[Kaj-Robert grunts]

- [grunts]
- [birds chirping]

[body thuds]

- [high-pitched whine]
- [grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[groans]

[grunts]

[sighs]

What the hell is this?

[grunts]

[groans]

[grunts]

[mutters]

"Good morning.
I went for a walk so you could sleep.

It looked like you needed it."

[breathing heavily]

Yeah. [sighs]

No. Damn.

No, no, no, no.

g*dd*mn it.

sh*t.

Kajan?

- [Clark, in German] Good morning.
- Good morning?

[Clark burps]

Kajan!

Open the door, dammit!

[in German] Good morning. [laughs]

[in German] Uh, good morning. Uh...

[in English]
Is Kaj-Robert in here with you?

[in German] I don't understand you,

but give my best to your friend.

It was...

[gasps, sighs]

...an unforgettable night.

[Clark chuckles]

[drag queen hums tune]

[Clark hums along]

- [in German] See you!
- Kajan...

Wake up, g*dd*mn it.

- [gasps]
- Wake up!

- Where's the damn money?
- What? What?

Damn it! Tell me that you've got it!

Uh...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[sigh] Oh, you got it.

[laughs] Oh, damn. What a relief.

I thought we'd burned it all
on booze and sh*t.

- What a freakin' night.
- [sighs] No.

[Clark chuckles]

No, no. No. No, I-I don't have the money.

B-but you had it in that bag.
The fanny pack.

But, hey,

I lost my virginity yesterday.

I've, uh...

had sex.

[grunts intensely, chuckles]

I'm in love, Clark.

[Kaj-Robert chuckles]

I'm in love.

- Your virginity?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

We were like... [rhythmic grunts]

Is that all you're thinking about?

Yeah. It was just...

- When all of my money is gone?
- ...amazing. [gulps]

Yeah, right. That's...

You're so f*cking selfish.

Sorry.

How am I now gonna get to Beirut
with Maria? Any ideas?

- [sighs]
- Oh, damn.

[Kaj-Robert grunts]

Dammit.

[Kaj-Robert sighs]

I don't know. [sighs]

[exhales deeply]

Well... you have to solve
this problem, Kajan.

- [groans]
- Should I solve it?

- Yeah.
- But I've got no money.

This is all your fault.

But I didn't...

I paid for everything
and organized your little sex party.

But I could be really nice
and help you out.

We're gonna rob a bank. Today.

Get up! We got loads to do.

- No.
- [chuckles] Hell yeah!

No.

- Oh, come on, Kajan! g*dd*mn it.
- No.

- Huh? You got laid so you should be happy.
- Mm. No.

It's gonna be fun.
Just like the good old times.

- [chuckles] Here you go.
- Mm.

- [cap twists]
- What was his name, by the way?

- His?
- Yeah.

He. She. It. That.
Who the hell cares these days?

We met at the door. Wonderful human being.

Cheers.

[groans] I've got to take a shower.
I'll be back in half an hour.

Sex King. [laughs]

Okay.

Huh.

[bell tolling]

[birds squawking]

[water draining]

- I'm so freakin' mad, Clark!
- What have I done this time?

CLARK OLOFSSON - ON THE RUN

It's so g*dd*mn unfair!

They're making you out to be
some hopeless, incurable gangster,

when, in fact, you've left all that behind

and just want to be free
like everyone else.

Well...

yeah, no, it is so damn unfair.

So here's what I've done,
and I know that you're gonna like this.

I've spoken to Kvällsöppet.

- Have you?
- Yes.

- The TV show?
- Yeah.

Yes. I knew you'd like that.

[Clark chuckles]

We have to make sure people see
that you are the victim here.

And they have a correspondent
who's gonna come here for an interview,

so we'll have to postpone the trip
for a day.

Yeah. Yeah, that'll be perfect.

Of course we'll do that.
This is important.

- [laughs]
- Yeah. [grunts]

- Ow, ow, ow, ow.
- Oh.

My G... What happened last night?

Huh? No, I-I...

Well, I... I tripped.

Yeah, like a freakin' clown.

Like, bang, straight down into the curb.

Hey, but at least Kajan got laid,
so it was worth it.

Finally. He's been waiting for so long.

- Yeah, finally.
- [laughs]

The poor guy. Oh, by the way...

I got you a present.

- Check it out.
- [laughs]

- I thought it was kind of funny.
- Lovely.

- You're welcome.
- You shouldn't have.

- [scoffs] Come on.
- Thanks.

[Clark] Time to get to work.

- [man, in German] Gentlemen.
- Perfect.

Uh... [clears throat]

Good.

[man] There, that should be enough.

[Kaj-Robert sighs]

- [laughs] This will be great, right?
- [chuckles] You don't think...

You don't think they're too big?
It would have been enough with a p*stol.

Less is more, Clark.

Ah! More is more.
That goes without saying.

[Kaj-Robert] Huh.

Just relax, Kajan.

You're ruining all the fun.

- [Clark] Hmm?
- [knocking on door]

Who the hell's knocking on the door?

[Maria] Clark? Are you in there?

Yeah, honey. I'll be right out.

We're screwed.

- Hi!
- Hi.

- [Clark chuckles]
- Hi.

- So, what are you two doing?
- We haven't done anything.

Uh... I think Kaj-Robert has got, uh, crabs.

[Kaj-Robert clears throat]

Good to know.
Clark, this is Bosse from Kvällsöppet.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hey there.

- Clark, thank you for doing this.
- Sure thing. No problem.

This is Dieter and Wolfgang.

Heil there.

Yeah. Well, uh,
maybe we should set up in here.

[Clark] Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

[Bo] All right, guys.

Uh, let's set up by the window.

This is perfect.

[Maria] So glad you got lucky, Kajan.
Congratulations.

- [Bo] Clark, there.
- On the couch?

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kaj-Robert panting]

[Bo] Maybe you could put
the light there. Yeah.

Okay, guys. Let's get going, shall we?

Yeah. Are you boys ready? Okay.

Clark interview. Take one.

[theme music playing]

Good evening.

In tonight's program,

we are going to meet
one of Sweden's most famous,

or, should I say, infamous citizens.

He is currently hiding
at a secret location,

on the run
from a long prison sentence in Sweden.

Ladies and gentlemen, Clark Olofsson.

- Welcome.
- Thank you very much.

- You feeling all right?
- Yeah, good.

- Uh, this prison sentence...
- Yeah?

[Bo] It's a sentence
you feel should be quashed

because you've been rehabilitated,
you say.

Yeah, I'm done with all of that crap.

What made you change so drastically?

Well, as soon as I got away
from the Swedish so-called "penal system,"

it was as if a switch flipped
inside my head.

- [grunts]
- What the hell are you doing?

[Clark] And I turned into the person
you see here today.

- An ordinary law-abiding citizen.
- Wonderful.

- [in German] This is a robbery!
- [screaming]

You German b*stards. Get the money.

[screaming]

What are you doing? Jump over the counter.

[grunts] Ooh, Clark...

We're humane in Sweden, right?

Swedish inmates are treated well
compared to other countries.

Yeah, that's what they want
everybody to think.

I mean, is it really humane
to treat people like animals?

Go for the safe!

- You have to ask her for the key.
- You, open up with the key!

And come on. How is anybody gonna become
a better person by being locked up?

I'm a robber!

And when all your rights
are taken from you?

You put them in the bag!

- Kajan.
- You put them in.

- Put them in the bag now!
- Kajan, you have to give her the bag.

Yes. [panting]

Here's the bag.

Well, it's like I always say.
Nothing can grow in captivity.

[Bo] Sounds wise.

Give me the money. I'm a robber!

Ah!

Just go around.

[alarm ringing]

[Bo] And you are here with Maria.

- And she's your fiancée?
- That is correct.

Maria, have a seat.

- Honey, come here.
- Join the interview.

Here's Maria.

Welcome.

Here she is. Pretty, huh? [chuckles]

So, do you have any plans for the future?

Well, we're gonna live
a typical family life.

That's all I want to do now,
live a normal life.

A law-abiding life.

"My boyfriend went to Hamburg"?

At a secret location.

What the hell?

Maybe a Clark Junior soon?

Well, you do look lovely together.

Thank you so much.
That was all for this week. See us again...

[Tommy] Stupid moron!

- Drive!
- [horn beeps]

[indistinct announcement on PA]

- [man, in German] Welcome, Mr. Lindström.
- [both yelling]

[Clark] Yes, I know.

I said a lot of bullshit on TV,

and I got them all to believe
every single word.

Ladies, ladies, this is Kaj-Robert.

- We just, uh, robbed a bank.
- [laughter]

But like I always say...

And, uh, shots for the entire bar!

...things aren't always what they seem.

[Ingbritt] He didn't see us.

Like that time when me
and my mom hid under the table.

Take the damn ball from your old man, huh?

Huh? Take it! Come on, take it.

[Sten groans]

[Clark laughs]

- Dammit!
- Daddy, you fell.

[Clark giggles]

[Clark screams]

Not so funny anymore, huh?

Stupid damn kid!

Huh? Go on, laugh!

Sten!

- Get a grip!
- Shut your trap, you stupid b*tch! Huh?

Just look what he's done,
that worthless g*dd*mn piece of sh*t!

- It's just a game!
- He can't even play freakin' soccer!

- It's a game!
- I can't deal with you idiots anymore!

- You stupid f*ck!
- Shut up, dammit! Christ's sake! [yells]

[Clark] It was no damn accident,

but, as I said, it was just the kind
of sh*t that happened in my family.

Olofsson.

[nurse] That'll be 18.25 crowns, please.

It was Dad who broke my arm,
and it cost us all our savings.

[nurse] Thank you.

And all his booze money too.

[orchestral music playing on radio]

[knife scrapes]

[Ingbritt] He didn't see us.

[footsteps]

- [weeping softly] Mom...
- Shh!

[Sten] Where the hell are you? Huh?

Steal my damn money, huh?

Piece of sh*t!

- [door opens]
- He left.

He's gone now.

He's gone.

Look at me. Mommy's here.

Mommy's right here.

I love you, Clark.

I love you. Mommy's here.

I'll always be there...

- I got you now!
- [screaming]

[Clark] Holy sh*t, he got pissed!

[snoring]

[trolley wheels squeaking]

[trolley clatters]

[gasps]

Oh, my God!

- [Clark] Are you ready?
- Mm-hm.

Uh... Ta-da!

Wow!

This baby's gonna take us to Beirut.

But it's also a good way for us
to bring money with us,

without having to worry about losing it.

[chuckles] Well, that's... great. Very nice.

But... what happened to my car?

[scoffs] Forget about it.
That's not important.

As soon as we're in Beirut,
we'll sell this one

and get all our money back.

Plus a little bonus.
[chuckles] Smart, huh?

Very smart. But it looks expensive.

[Clark] And it was.

- [door shuts]
- How did you buy it?

How did you do it?

Well, sh*t, I-I know people,

and they trust me.

So we made a deal. A freakin' great deal.

Jump in. [sighs]

[door shuts]

[Clark sighs]

[Clark chuckles]

Seriously...

No funny business, right?

[sighs] Honey, how can you say that?

Of course not. I promise.

Now, let's get back to the hotel,
get all of our stuff, and then...

Beirut, here we come!

[engine starts]

- [Clark laughs]
- [horn toots]

There we go.

[whistling cheery tune]

Okay.

[sighs] Well...

[grunts]

[Maria] I mean,
you were so great in that TV interview.

They really got to see the real Clark,

and now everybody will know
that we were right all along.

They have to give you an honest chance
now that you've straightened out.

Straightened out? Definitely.

And this one goes there.

[sighs]

[whistling cheery tune]

[door opens forcefully]

[policeman, in German] Police! Don't move!

I...

I am, uh...

innocent.

- [yells]
- No, no, no, no, no!

[yelling in German]

[Clark] Here we come! Just kidding.

- What the hell is going on here?
- Oh, my God. What's happened?

How should I know? I didn't do anything.

g*dd*mn it.

- [policeman speaking German]
- Tommy freakin' Lindström.

How can they know we're here?

I have no idea,
but this doesn't look good.

We got to go.

But our stuff and Kaj-Robert...
We can't just abandon him.

God, no. Forget about him.
He can take care of himself.

[yells] Ow!

[policeman speaking German]

[groans]

Did you bring our passports?

Those g*dd*mn cops!
Why can't they just leave you alone?

[Tommy] Clark?

Kaj-Robert? What are you doing here?
This is not Clark Olofsson!

Did I come
all the way from Sweden for this?!

[in German] That's not my problem.

Problem?

This man, he's a...
he's a freakin' small-time crook!

sh*t! g*dd*mn it!

Where?! Where is Clark?!

- I'll never tell you that.
- Kaj-Robert, you tell me right now!

Damn copper.

Where is Clark?! Get a grip!

You'll be in a lot of trouble
if you don't tell me!

Where is Clark?!

- B-B-Baraut!
- Baraut?

- He t-talked about going to Baraut.
- Where the hell is Baraut?

Yeah, I have our passports here.

Wh... What the hell is this?

- Is... Is this our money?
- Yes.

I... I told you.
I took care of it after your night out.

It wasn't me.

- I'll hold onto this, for safekeeping.
- Mm. Good.

[chuckles] Don't you remember?

You are the best, Maria. Do you know that?

Where the hell is Baraut?!

- Ow! I don't know.
- sonofab*tch!

Damn! I have to go there now.

BARAUT IS IN INDIA

3,966 KILOMETERS FROM BEIRUT

- D-d-don't tell him I said anything.
- Shut up, Kaj-Robert!

[Kaj-Robert] Hey!

Hey! Dammit. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

Damn, I love you.

[engine starts]

[Clark] I think we all learned something
from all this.

Kaj-Robert, Tommy, Maria.

Hell, even I learned something.

Nah, just kidding.

Everything went according to my plan.

Anyway, now we were heading south,

and the first day
of the rest of my freakin' life.

WELCOME TO HUNGARY

WELCOME TO POLAND

[Clark] Dammit! [laughs]

WELCOME TO THE USSR

[Clark] Clark and Maria,
on the road again!

[Maria laughs]

- [horn blares]
- [Clark] Here comes Clark!

WELCOME TO YUGOSLAVIA

- [horn blares]
- [Maria] You can't sleep while driving.

[Clark] I'm not. Look at that.

- [sheep bleating]
- [Maria] Wow!

Look, honey. We're here.

- [Maria] Yay!
- [laughs]

[Clark sighs] Ah, Beirut.

Paris of the Middle East.

Can you smell that? The smell of freedom!

Paradise for people like me.

- [chuckles] Not too shabby, huh?
- [Maria] No.

I'm freakin' happy with who I am.

I feel great about myself,

and thank you, Maria,
who made me realize that.

Welcome to paradise.

Well, what the hell do I know?

[call to prayer blaring]

[call to prayer continues]

What the hell is that noise?

["Vandra Vidare" playing]

BASED ON "VAFAN VAR DET SOM HÄNDE?"
I-III BY CLARK OLOFSSON