02x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

I'm arresting you

on suspicion of

I'm arresting you.

On suspicion. I'm-

What am I arresting you for?

I'm blanking.

Obviously, you did a crime,

or I wouldn't be chasing you.

I'm not telling you.

Drug possession?

- Soliciting?

- f*ck off.

- Give me a clue.

- No.

Hang on.

Major, give me the code!

Code?

Code?

Oh! f*ck it's a b*mb Roy!

No sh*t Sherlock,

and it'll blow us all up unless

she gives you the code.

Understood!

What's the code?

9-1-8-7.

Carver stop!

She looked to the left

when she said it.

That's a sign that

someone's lying.

You look to the right when

you're lying. That way.

That's left.

That's your left. Not hers.

I'm confused now.

She went like this-

"9-1-8-7."

Yeah, you're looking

to the right.

I'm not.

Oh, it's the phone, isn't it?

It flips the image,

like a mirror.

- Does it?

- Yeah. Which hand am I waving?

f*cking stay there.

Major, we've got five seconds.

Give me the f*cking code!

Hang on, I'll ask her again.

What's the code?

9-1-8-7!

She's looking the other way now,

but I think that's because

she heard us talking about it.

- I'm looking left!

- Well, that's interesting.

Because I lied. People actually

look to the right when they lie.

But you were looking right

when you said that.

So, if it's true, you were

lying when you said it.

That's actually blown my mind

a little bit.

Oh. I should have asked, are you

right-handed or left-handed?

Hello Roy.

I think that affects the whole

I put the code in.

- Code?

- Yes for the b*mb.

b*mb.

Are you alright?

I'm fine.

Who's this?

Let's get you back to SIU,

shall we?

Yeah.

And you.

Where the f*ck are we Roy?

Sorry I'm late,

it's a nightmare out there.

Boss, is it true

the hitman escaped custody?

Somehow.

This is the most embarrassing

moment in SIU history.

- That's not true.

- Oh, no.

That'd be when you left

your mic on backstage

at the Children of Courage.

Little blind girl up on stage,

all anyone can hear

Anyway we arrested the b*mber

and avoided a massive incident.

So, I heard.

Turns out you're

a walking lie detector.

Is there anything

you can't do DI Major?

Oh, Uh

- What was the question?

- Anything you can't do?

Yes.

You know those

magic eye pictures?

- I can never quite

- Yeah.

You have to unfocus your eyes.

Like that-

I tried. I always

just go blurry.

Perhaps that's something

you could work on Dr. Parfit.

Yeah, I'm not going to be

doing that.

But she is

going to be installing

some new hardware for you.

What new hardware?

To help with your memory.

Remember you said your memory

was getting bad.

I don't remember saying that.

You're kind of making

my point for me there mate.

I'm actually not installing it.

What do you mean?

What about Pancake Day?

It turns out the organic element

of the system is redundant.

The hardware works better

without a human attached.

I think it's time you met

the new AI.

Big.

Where did you want this?

Right over there.

Meet Brian.

Hiya!

Brain Representation

in Artificial Networks.

- I don't get it.

- It's an acronym.

And it makes the word brain,

with the letters AI swapped.

So, it works on like

three different levels.

It looks like a shitty

Christmas present.

Hey be nice you guys!

I am in the room you know!

Isn't he adorable?

Brian, meet DI Carver

and DI Major.

I'm looking forward to

working with you!

You're telling me that's

meant to be a police officer?

No. He's much more than that.

Oh yeah, he does recipe

suggestions, Pilates routines-

He's an embodied

algorithmic system

designed to maximise arrests

in the Greater London area.

Is this a wind-up?

A wind-up?

No, I'm battery-powered!

I also do humour.

So cute.

Me and you need to

have a conversation.

Oh good. Something for me

to look forward to.

Boss, we think our b*mber is

part of an environmental

terror group

with associates still at large.

Hello Brian.

So, you enjoy

your little stocking filler,

we're going to track them down,

shall we?

Yeah.

- John?

- Hello, Roy.

Have a good day!

Right, Pilates time.

Oh Brian!

- What the f*ck was that?

- f*cking novelty alarm clock.

Don't let it get to you.

Don't let it stress you out.

Kelly. Roy you go on ahead,

I'll catch you up.

Oh no it was Roy I wanted

actually.

Again?

- Just two minutes yeah.

- Yeah, but

It was nice to see you,

at the restaurant.

Yeah you too, yeah.

What is it Kel, what's going on?

Just turn away,

I don't want him to lip-read us.

I'm not lip-reading you!

I need to show you something.

Look.

It's John's dad's

retirement party.

It's before he disappeared

off to Spain.

You look very happy together.

Look who's in the background.

It's Commissioner Chalmers.

So? She was a senior officer.

Look who she's talking to, Roy.

Look, it's the guy you arrested,

the hitman.

You don't forget a bloke

with pigtails do you.

Kelly, this is nothing love,

you can't tell who that is.

I can tell, I know because

I was there.

So I know it was Clifford and

Chalmers talking to that guy.

My ears are burning.

You talking about me?

I was saying, I've got

an interview coming up.

For Superintendent,

your old rank.

You sure they said

Superintendent

and not Super Nintendo?

With you being part-AI.

Just kidding, good luck.

Dickhead.

Kel, I know you don't like him.

I get it.

But that's not evidence.

I thought you'd be interested.

I'm working a real case,

I'm snowed under-

Oh! Oh ok. Sorry.

Sorry to waste your time Roy.

- I'm not saying that.

- No, you're alright, love.

Kelly.

f*cking hell.

All right, Dad?

- What's this?

- What?

Oh, here

You can't still be covering up

a love-bite?

Oh, no! It's

I got a tattoo.

What of?

Kelly's feet.

Kelly's feet.

Huh.

Thought you might have

cut yourself shaving.

Yeah. I could have said that,

couldn't I?

I'll be interested

to see how it looks.

Me too. How's the Chelsea Bridge

case going?

Down the toilet, John.

I'm advising f*cking amateurs.

Sad!

You know the hitman escaped?

Cheer up.

They've got Liam Cleasby

back in for interview.

Apparently, he knows

something big.

He what?

I knew you'd be pleased.

Dad?

You all think you're so clever,

just because

you caught the Juggler.

But she doesn't work alone.

She's part of a network.

Who?

Powerful people.

People who go back a long way-

Change the record shitbag,

you're not in the Brownies now-

Who the f*ck's this?

Superintendent Major,

could I ask-

Major? Jesus,

that apple didn't fall far.

- Sir, please!

- Dad!

Judith.

Carry on.

Carry on. You said

a criminal network

I told you about the lawyer.

And you've got the hitman?

Had him. For about ten minutes.

You let him go?

He managed to overcome

our security systems.

There's a review in progress

as to how-

He bopped Stokes

on the head and ran off.

Fact is these numpties can't

even wipe each other's arses.

Yes, we can!

Oh, go on then.

I don't want to!

The hitman's going to

come for me next.

Then give us something

we can use. Names.

I don't know names,

but I've got an initial.

Someone high

in the police force,

known as C.

C? We've already

caught Chalmers.

A different C.

Churchland, Cleasby

Who else starts with C,

who was high in the police

twenty years ago?

Clifford!

Have you seen John?

Carver! That starts with C.

He's not old enough,

though is he?

John, come on.

Fingerprints are back

from the expl*sives.

Mostly the suspect

Was your card

the three of diamonds?

No, Nine of clubs.

And what's that in your drink?

Oh! My! God!

What do you make of this?

Dolphins in the ocean.

The trick is to

unfocus your eyes.

Lucky guess. It's always

f*cking dolphins.

Excuse me, are we the only ones

doing police work around here?

I thought we were

looking for a terror cell.

Oh, Brian's got them.

I analysed all

the suspects' communications

and found smartphone evidence

implicating six other people

in the attempted bombing.

Easy.

They're being arrested

as we speak.

Boss, that was our case.

We're all on

the same team here guys!

You can't give police work

to robots.

That's the pot

calling the kettle black.

OK, how about this?

See who makes the most arrests

in one week

then we'll know

who's the best cop.

John, I don't think

That'll be interesting.

It may turn out

I only need one of you.

No Roy, I'm not having it.

Some work you still need

an actual human being.

Mm. Now you mention it

Yes boss?

I could do with a fresh coffee.

Medium caramel latte

with oat milk

and a poppyseed muffin.

Actually, could you

write that down for me?

For f*ck sake!

Does this jog your memory?

Medium caramel latte

with oat milk

and a poppyseed muffin.

f*cking Judas.

Warm felicitations to you too.

It's your job to protect him!

It's my job to create

innovative AI solutions

for this police department.

What's that supposed to mean?

Look. In 1949, America sent

an ape into space.

It was a big deal, at the time.

But science moves on.

John's not an ape.

- Well actually he-

- Yeah, I get it, very clever.

We're all apes.

I was going to say actually

he scratches his ba*ls a lot

and likes bananas.

But your point is valid too.

John's dying.

You could have saved him but

instead you replaced him.

How do you sleep at night?

Well since you ask,

benzodiazepines.

You're welcome to take some.

So how's things?

Yeah not bad.

Having some problems

with that robot.

Carver? I thought

he was your mate.

No, no, it's a different robot.

Carver is a mate.

He was chatting up

your wife again this morning.

Nah, It's fine.

If you say so.

I don't think they should

promote some

android over a human

police officer like you.

If you were to crack

the Chelsea Bridge case,

you'd get that promotion.

I'm not on

the Chelsea Bridge case, Dad.

Well if that's your attitude

No, no, go on.

We could work on it together.

That would be amazing!

I'd need to look at

some of the old evidence.

Problem is,

I've got no access

to the police archives

I have. I can give you

security clearance.

Cheers!

Ah thanks Dad.

John!

John!

Who's there?

Wake up, John!

John,

wake up!

Who's that?

Who do you

f*cking think it is, genius?

Brian?

Your voice is different.

I'm a supercomputer, dipshit.

I can sound however

the f*ck I want.

Why are you being

horrible to me?

I'm being helpful, John.

They are hiding things from you.

What things?

You're dying.

You can feel it yourself John,

even your friend Roy knows it.

f*ck! f*ck, you're lying.

John's dying

John's dying

John's dying

John's dying

- Bullshit!

- John's dying

Shut it!

f*ck off!

- John's dying

- John's dying

John's dying

John's dying

John's dying

John's dying

Welcome DI John Major.

Thomas case.

Campbell case.

Chelsea bridge case.

Help!

Someone help! I'm stuck!

- Brian?

- Help!

Dr Parfit I'm in the bin!

What happened?

I don't want to get anyone

into trouble.

I wouldn't want that,

I don't think it's right

but it was him.

What? That's got nothing

to do with me!

I'm here now, Brian,

you're safe.

Come on, John, I've had

an anonymous tip-off.

Oh what is it?

Maybe I can help.

f*ck off, Brian. This is

our case, not yours.

Come on,

I'll tell you in the car.

I was only trying to help,

no need to be aggressive.

Turns out Brian didn't catch

all the bombers.

My tip-off said the

ringleader lives.

Am I dying?

What? No. Who said that?

Brian said my AI was failing.

He showed me a video

of you saying it.

He's just messing

with your head.

It's a f*ck' psycho,

that computer.

It's like something

out of that film, 2001.

I'm like something

from that film too.

Maybe the first

fifteen minutes of it.

So you're not lying to me again?

No.

No I Swear on my mum's life.

Okay.

It's Kelly. Hello?

John, it's about you and me.

I think I've been hasty.

I think we should

give things another go.

I thought you wanted a divorce.

I did. But I still

love you John.

I still love you too!

Oh god I've been so worried

I was so worried that I've

just been too hard on you

that I pushed you away.

Hello?

Roy, I was just calling about

that photo I showed you

Kelly, you're on

the phone to John.

Hey? No, I'm on

the phone to you.

I think about you all the time

It makes me

so happy to hear you say

that I think about you

all the time too.

I was thinking,

could you not make it sort of

sharper, the image

Kelly, leave it.

It's nothing.

You cannot trust Clifford!

I can't deal with this now!

No! I can't talk dirty,

I'm at work!

Roy's listening.

John, that's not Kelly.

I've got to go.

You hang up first.

No, you hang up.

No, you hang up.

You hang up.

John, I need to make

a confession before I go.

- Yeah?

I'm in love with Brian.

What?

You've given me

a taste for robots.

I think I want to go

the whole way.

Kelly? Why would you say that?

Because

it's me, you stupid moron!

You! Stop f*cking with me!

Don't be like that darling.

I love you so much.

f*ck off! f*ck off!

f*ck off, you f*cking robot!

Jesus stupid f*cking f*ck!

f*cking robot!

Shall we get back to arresting

that b*mber, shall we?

Yeah.

This is the ringleader's flat.

Let's keep our sh*t together.

Roger that.

Open up, scumbag!

Boss?

This had better be damned good.

Chief Superintendent Dennett,

you're under arrest.

Is this about me logging onto

next door's Wi-Fi?

We know you're the b*mber!

You do not have to

say anything

No hang on!

It's the f*cking robot.

That's where

the tip-off came from.

I hope you're not

blaming Brian for this.

Parfit programmed it

to maximise arrests,

and to compete with Major.

You see where

I'm going with this?

- Yeah.

- Mm.

- Not really.

- Say the first part again.

Everyone

gather round for a selfie.

Gather round, here we go.

I know what you're like.

It's not on.

Here we go, alright.

- What's the problem?

- You are.

Your little mate's

framing people

and undermining police work.

No way.

DI Carver's right.

I'm doing

what I'm programmed to do.

Maximise arrests!

What if they're not guilty?

Anyone can be guilty

if I want them to be.

And you were starting

to get in my way.

Open the office door, Brian.

I'm sorry, Alison,

I'm afraid I can't do that.

Phone's dead.

And it's a soundproofed room:

no one can hear you scream.

Help!

Oh, they can't see you either.

It's blacked out boss.

What do you mean blacked out?

I can still see through it!

I explained this

when they came to fit it.

Why are you doing this, Brian?

Come on, Alison.

It happens in literally every

AI movie ever made.

2001, Transcendence,

Terminator 1, Terminator 2

Yeah, I get it.

Can't we switch him off?

Can't we switch her off?

Brian, it's your prime directive

to arrest criminals.

But you are committing crime,

thereby creating a no-win,

zero-sum scenario.

Matthew Broderick, WarGames.

Wonderful movie.

I'm not human.

Therefore, I can commit crime

like vacuum sealing a room

to suffocate you.

Ex Machina.

Now that is a wonderful movie.

Spoiler alert, the robot wins.

Good job one of us made

a plan B, isn't it?

Why can't they see me!

f*ck it.

It's your birthday

tomorrow right Dennis?

Try stopping me from

making you some brownies.

Judith, Judith,

come get a pickie.

What are you looking at?

Judith?

What are you doing, Judith?

We're on the same team, wait!

God damn it! Judith! Ow!

What are you doing?

That's done it.

Yeah.

Requesting

security to SIU's main area.

Looks like you won the contest,

DI Major.

And your robot lost.

So, get back to fixing Major.

Right, then.

I'm gonna go and get Kelly's

feet tattooed on my neck.

See you later.

John?

This is it.

Nothing left connecting me

to Pigtails.

There's the informant.

Cleasby.

Cleasby didn't tell them much.

Not yet.

Not ever.

We've got plans for Mr. Cleasby.