01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

Oh.

Really?

Sorry. I'm really sorry.
No, I didn't mean to do that.

But it always snows in Finland.

It is the wrong kind of snow.

Well, how can you not be
prepared for that?

No wonder everyone kills
themselves here.

Actually, that is a common
misconception about Finland.

Our suicide rate...

I know, Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
I was just making a joke.

Hey. And I know Girl With
The Dragon Tattoo is Swedish

so you don't need to... Hey, hey,
hey. There's no need to be rude.

It's not her fault it's snowing,

yeah, there's no need to be
a d*ck about it.

Do I know you?
I wasn't being a d*ck.

I said that she looks like
Rooney Mara. That's a compliment.

OK, well, look,
I've worked jobs like this.

Oh. Oh, good. Oh, good.
Cos I really wanted the input of

a random man who had a job once.

Oh, can I...? Yeah, thanks.

What?

Peace offering.

G&T, please.

I'm sorry about earlier.
I shouldn't have butted in.

I'm not very good around conflict.

Even if it's none of my business,
I end up trying to fix it.

It's fine. I don't need
your life story. Thanks.

So what brings you to Finland?

Work. Ah, nice. Yeah, nice.

I'm on a sort of like
spur-of-the-moment type thing.

Right.

I was mostly in the countryside.
I'm writing a piece.

Erm, do you know Tristdetektiv?
Sad Detective?

The m*rder-y show? Yeah, we're...

Erm, yeah, I'm watching that
at the moment.

Yeah, well, I'm writing a piece
about how you can visit

all the m*rder sites from the
series.

But isn't that set in Lapland?

This is Lapland.
No, this is Fin-land.

Lapland is in Finland.

Hold on, so you're telling me,
I've been in the land of reindeer

and Father Christmas all week,

and I've sat in
a bar drinking 15 Euro beers?

Well, next time, you should ask me
for some tips because

I wrote a few things in
the Lonely Planet guide, actually.

Cool. Yeah, cool.

I have a confession to make.

I didn't come here spontaneously.

Yeah, you weren't very convincing
when you said you had, to be honest.

My...girlfriend cheated on me.

We've been together for 11 years
and last week she told me she slept

with one of her colleagues.
It was a woman, actually.

Not that it matters,
that it was a woman.

Like, she had her reasons,

I understand that, but...

..it really hurt.

Excuse me.
Can we get some shots, please?

No, no, no. Yes. We're doing it.
Yes. Yes!

MOANING

Ugh. f*cking Aquavit.

It was marginally less sh*t
spending the evening

with you than I thought it would be.

PHONE BUZZES

Oh, God.

f*cking Aquavit.

We've got to get going.

Are you all right?

Hm? Yeah. Sorry. I just...

I've never really done
this before. Cheating.

On Est...erm, my girlfriend.

Esther. Her name's Esther.

She cheated on you, right?

She did. Erm, but,
yeah, I don't know. Just...

This does not feel great...
in the light of day. No offence.

Well, if it makes you feel
any better,

I'm married.

What? How's that going to
make me feel better?

Why didn't you say anything?
It never came up.

I 100% would have not done
anything if I knew you were...

Oh, please.

Coming from the guy in
an 11-year relationship.

f*ck.

I can't believe this.

I mean,
do you even have a wedding ring?

It was on my finger,

which was literally around your
c*ck. How did you not notice that?

Look, I'm sorry for
tempting you away

from your perfect relationship.
No, that's not what I'm saying.

Oh, just stop talking.

I need to find whatever
the f*ck Nurofen is in Finnish.

Well, go on, check in. f*ck off.

That's fine by me.
Have a great life.

Thank you.

BABY CRIES

CRYING INTENSIFIES

Hey. Fola.

Fola. Hey. Good flight?

Ah, I threw up twice in the loos.

Oh, I...I just didn't want to leave
things like we did earlier.

You know, I'm...I'm angry at myself,
not at you, so...

Listen, we got drunk,
we did something stupid.

It's not like it's the end of
the world.

Believe it or not,
I'm very happy in my marriage.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.
Very happy in my relationship.

OK, erm, should we...swap numbers?

You know, in case you
got me pregnant, or something.

I wore a condom.

I'm on the pill.
I'm messing with you.

Oh, my... That is not funny at all.
Ooh. God. I think my heart stopped.

OK, no numbers.
Erm, so, I'll be off, then.

Well, erm... Do we hug or..?

Why not?

BABY CRIES

Thank you.

What the f*ck are you
doing here? Are you stalking me?

What are you doing here?
I live here. Where? Here. There.

I live there.

There, like across the road from me?

OK, yeah, well, you'll have to move.
We've just bought this place.

I'm not going to move.
I've lived here for eight years.

OK, look, look, look. It'll be fine.

It'll be fine.
We'll just ignore each other.

No-one knows their neighbours
now anyway.

Yeah, listen...

# Here's the thing

# If you smile enough then
everybody smiles

# Here's the thing

# if you work a little harder
you'll get by

# Here's the thing

# Or you can trust a man who wears
a suit and tie

# It's all just
lies, lies, lies, lies

# Here's the thing

# If your parents worked to earn it
then it's yours

# Here's the thing

# If you're barely getting by
then that's your fault

# Here's the thing

# Everything in life is fair
and that's the rules

# It's all just
lies, lies, lies, lies

# If you just close your eyes
then everything's all right

# If you just close your eyes

# Then everything's all right

# Hey, Ma, I wrote a song
now everything's all right... #