02x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

MUSIC: Somebody Was
Watching by Pops Staples

♪ I been shot up
and shipped down

♪ I been turned away
and turned around... ♪

Joshua Walker? SHE
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Hi. Thank God, thought
you'd stood me up.

Oh, sorry. I tried to call you.

Nah, my phone's
in a bag of rice.

Right. Right. Well,
actually I came to say,

and I wanted to say it
straight away... Yep.

..it really isn't anything to
do with you. What do you want?

Martinis are pretty
good. I've had three.

I don't think they've
kicked in yet.

The thing is, basically,
I-I-I messed up

and I should really
be somewhere else.

Oh. GLASS SHATTERS

Whoops.

God, Josh, it's been
such a long time.

Well, half hour.

No, silly! Since school.

I think you might
be mixing me...

I thought you might
still be with Esther.

But I guess you're not
cos you're here, so...

SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

SHE SIGHS

You don't remember me, do you?

Of course! Jekka!

I knew it.

Sad not to be on
holiday any more, huh?

Yeah, probably.

Why don't we bring
holiday to London, then?

What?

See, baby. Just like the beach.

And do you remember what
we did on the beach?

Oh!

Yeah! OK.

Yeah?

It's a bit cold, isn't it?
Oh, you keep me warm, though.

No, can I not go on the bottom?

Dogs sh*t in these things.

It's fine, baby.
It's... it's clean.

Look, someone else
must have done it here.

Nope. Nope, absolutely not.

It's just perfect.

I can't believe I've become
one of those people who says,

"I love this kitchen," but I do.

I just love this kitchen.

It's great. You must
have been so happy here.

So happy.

It just feels like somewhere
we can nest together, you know?

We're not selling the house.

Sorry? We're not
selling it. But you...

Fola and I were
getting a divorce.

That's why we were selling the
house. But we're not any more.

We're going to get back
together, so the deal's off.

Baby, you're just
mashing the buttons.

Try pulling off a combo.

You seem off tonight, babe.

I'm not off. I'm normal.

Is it something I've done?
Of course not. It's just...

..when I went away, I just...
thought everything would be fixed

by the time I came back.

And it's, like, right now, the
only thing that's actually really

going for me is you, you
know. Oh, thanks, babe!

No, I mean, like, there
is literally nothing else.

Like, if I go back to teaching,

it's like admitting
I was wrong to leave.

Well, you don't have to work.

Yeah, I do. For money, mate.

No, I mean, I do pretty good from
the crypto, most of the time,

so you could just chillax until
it's time for our next adventure.

So, I just...

..do nothing? Yeah.

Easy life, baby!

Yeah. OK.

Yes!

♪ Night falls, the morning comes

♪ Today is the day

♪ Today is the day

♪ I walk, while others sleep

♪ Today is the day

♪ Today is the day

♪ Time has no end

♪ In the morning light

♪ In the morning light... ♪

DOOR SHUTS

I'm not saying we should kick
him out. I'm just saying give him

a gentle nudge.

Zach!

How are you? You look a
bit down in the dumps.

I'm fine. I just, um...

I did something that
might have been dumb.

Anything you want to talk about?

No. Thank you.

Well, if you need cheering
up, you have a date tomorrow.

Sorry? Eddie'll tell you,
I'm a born matchmaker,

like Cupid or Paddy McGuinness.

I don't know who that is.

Well, you have a date
with the lovely Claire,

from this morning.
She's free tomorrow.

Monica, I am married!

ZACH EXHALES

Just trying to help, mate.

You're right.

I'm sorry. Monica... I'm sorry.

It's been a long day.

Of course, I'll have
a drink with her.

I'll give you her number.

DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT

Fox got in from the garden.
Ate all your Caramel Chew Chew.

Bring it over here.

And an extra spoon.

Thought you'd be with Josh.

Being naked and stuff.

So did I.

Where'd he go?

Uh, work, I think.

Work?! Really?

Mm.

He must have had his reasons.
Well, he's just impossible!

One minute he's suffocating me

and the next he's f*cking off
and not answering my messages.

FOLA SIGHS I can't work him out.

Isn't that what
you wanted, space?

Yeah, well, sort of.

He doesn't seem like an
unreadable book to me, you know?

He wants to be with you, even
when you're pushing him away.

Is it that obvious? Mum and
Dad said you used to run around

the school playground giving
dead legs to the boys you liked.

Why do I do that?

There's something
I haven't told him.

Don't you dare be pregnant.

Obviously not!

This...

There's a job...

..in New York.

The editor of a big travel
magazine's going on sabbatical.

sh*t! That's massive. That's,
like, your dream! Yeah.

But you haven't talked
to Josh about it?

Well, how can I?

I know it's hard, but you've
got to let him in at some point.

Not every relationship ends like
you and Zach. Well, statistically,

50% of relationships
end up like me and Zach.

Is that his ex?

What's she doing out there?

You should go and talk to
her. I definitely shouldn't.

Hmm. I mean, she knows him
pretty well. She hates my guts.

Maybe I should check
if she's all right.

This was nice.

We should do this
more often. Do what?

Talk... about stuff.

We do it all the time.

No, we don't.

Hi.

Hey, here we go.

OK, you ready? I'll get you in.

OK, you ready? Come
on, let's get you home.

Hello! Please take us
to the club, please.

To the club. No, we're going
to your flat, which is...

Yeah, want to go club.

Oh, oh, I know what YOU
mean! You want to...

No, I just think
you should get home.

OK. Home and then club.

Can we open a window, please?

Thank you. Cheers.

Hey! Wow, wow, wow, wow.

I started a rota.

It's not my turn, but
I have to do it...

Well, don't do it
now! Every time.

I used to have such a
crush on you, you know?

Yeah, no, you did mention
it once or twice in the cab.

I don't normally do this
on a first date, but...

Oh, no, no, no. I promise, I
really don't want to do any...

Oh!

Oh, that's nice.

SHE SNORTS

SHE SNORES

SHE GASPS

SHE SIGHS Are you serious?!

Can I sit?

f*cking hell.

It's the last
thing I need today.

Sorry, are you here to
apologise or something?

Make yourself feel
better? I'd like to...

..apologise. Well, it's
not really the moment, TBH.

Anything you'd like to talk
about? No. Not with you.

OK.

I appreciate the
thought, though.

About apologising.

Maybe another time.

OK.

Not everyone would.

I snogged my mate Fran's
boyfriend in year ten

and I just never talked to
her again. Was it worth it?

No, he was a dickhead.

Well, Josh said that you've moved
on with a hot Norwegian guy.

I think he's Swedish.

I don't think it's moving on.

You met him travelling?

You know Aperol spritz? f*cking
delicious when on holiday, right?

And then they're not the
same when you come home

and try to make them
in your kitchen.

I'd still like to
meet him, though.

What's his name?

WHISPERS: What?! sh*t!

f*ck's sake.

Actually, I'm throwing Josh

a surprise party tomorrow
for his birthday.

Seeing as you guys are cool, you
could come over, if you like?

Not a big deal if not.

Hi.

What are you two talking about?

Cost of living crisis.

The films of Wes Anderson.

How much we miss Topshop.

The history of the microchip.

I feel ganged up on now. Not
everything's about you, Josh.

I'm going to go inside.

I just needed to get some air.

DOOR SHUTS So, I
am really sorry.

Before you start,
I do want space,

but there's a difference
between giving me space and then

f*cking off out of a restaurant and
not texting me back for hours, OK?

Yeah, OK.

Sorry, I agree.

Or I hear you.

I guess what I'm
trying to say is...

Shut up.

And this doesn't mean that I'm
not pissed off with you. Sure.

I just need this more
right now. Gotcha. OK.

Ah! Oh, no, no, no, not here.

Why not? Cos
f*cking carpet burn!

Do you want to be rubbing lotion
on my arse for the next two weeks?

Kind of, yes.

You're incredible.

Turn me round. What?

Turn me round. I want
to finish like that. Oh.

THEY GROAN

THEY GROAN AND SIGH

THEY PANT

Wow. Wow, yeah.

HE CHUCKLES Oh, I needed that.

We needed that. Oh, yeah.

Sorry was I... was I
being a bit intense?

I don't really know what I'm saying
with you. Yeah, I should pee. Oh.

Er, can I ask you something?

So long as it's not another attempt
to get me to move in with you.

Right. Um...

..I just... I wanted
to check, like...

..we're... exclusive, right?

Exclusive?! All
right, Gossip Girl.

Well, like, you're not
seeing other people, right?

Obviously not. Who has the time?

And also, you know, I like you.

Why'd you ask? Would YOU
say that we're exclusive?

Yes.

Obviously, yes.

Good chat, mate.

HE SIGHS Happy
birthday, by the way.

It's gone midnight. Shame
that we can't do anything...

..together tomorrow
cos you're busy.

Is something up? No, all good.

Did you lose your schoolgirl
satchel, by the way?

Huh? Your backpack.

I feel like you had it at
dinner, but not tonight.

MUSIC: Dancer by IDLES
& LCD Soundsystem

Er...

♪ Hold the phone, hip
to hip Cheek to cheek

♪ Push me away like I'm
Lucifer, so to speak

♪ My focus is on the cocoa
butter running down your neck

♪ And the sweat

♪ Feet touch, brush
hands feather's ache

♪ We can swing if you
prefer, so to speak

♪ My breath moves your hair
in a round, at a glance

♪ Like a pirouette
and the sweat... ♪