01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

Just, erm, going through my mental
Rolodex,

trying to think if
I ever say anything inappropriate.

I can answer that.

Yes, all the time.

And so do you, but you get away
with it and you're a studio exec.

I know. Isn't it hilarious?

You can't even describe people
with adjectives any more.

These...these people are like
the East German Stasi.

Listen, what am I gonna do
about this French woman

who's up my a*s about
Pierre's movie?

Er, dangle a carrot,

hit her with a big stick.

Hit her with a big carrot?

I don't care, I'll just try and
avoid getting my bottom spanked

by a bunch of angry feminists.

And erm...

..when...when he said that comment

I just thought,

"Boy, do we have a long way to go

"before we achieve genuine
gender equality."

Still a lot of closed minds
out there.

OK, Jean, I'm going to go.

They're about to start rolling.

How's the "post-woke" sex
scene going?

Good.

Checking all the boxes?

Can't say I've worked with
an intimacy supervisor before,

but, er, if we need advice on how
to have sex,

the human race is going to grind to
a halt, pretty quickly.

Are you new?

Yeah, yeah, I just started.

I'm very honoured to be part of
the team.

Whose team?

Christian,
do we have movement on Cameron?

Walking.

You can go in now, Sir.

Thank you.

Very good, yeah.

You'd make an excellent spy.

Scene 1-0-7, take four.

Mark.

Action.

Maybe one day...

..you will discover
the pain of falling in love.

Argh, Bobby! God...

Stay there. Stay there, hold it.

Keep it rolling, don't cut.

Lark, hey.

I'm just so in my head...

No, no, it's great, it's great.

Remember, your presence is this
force field,

you know, you're in motion,

it's all that tantric energy that we
were talking about.

I mean, you have it in your body,

trust it, trust your body,

trust your power,

we're gonna get there, OK?
I got you.

Thanks everyone, let's go again.

Hi.

Hey.

And...

..action!

Maybe one day...

..you will understand
the pain of falling in love

with the wrong person.

And when you do...

..I'll be gone.

And cut it. Cut it, that one.

Well done, Lark, you nailed it,
absolutely.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hey, Phil, no, I can't talk.

I'm still up for it tonight, yeah.

See you then, yeah.

Hey. Hey. I'm Cameron O'Neill,
the producer.

Oh, Tatiana, intimacy supervisor.

Ah, yes, thank you for doing this.

Er, Bobby's said great things
about you.

No, of course, of course.
I'm only just... I mean...

Such a big fan of Bobby, you know.

So Tatiana,

that's from Midsummer Night's
Dream, right?

Oh, oh, yeah I'm sorry I haven't
seen the erm...

movie...

It's a Shakespeare play.
Yeah. Oh, Shakespeare.

Yeah, I love Shakespeare, it's...

Yeah, Bottom. Hmm?

Titi, Tat...

Tit...Tit...

Titania, not, Tatiana.

I'm sorry, I...I don't understand
what you're saying.

Bob, what do you need?

Er yes, Tatiana.

I know you're just doing your job
but I've got limited time
to get this scene. Yes.

He can't take it over.
Oh, absolutely.

So if you stop him from dominating,
he's just a stand in...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, but a person.

I'm just trying to make everyone
feel comfortable, you know.

I always feel comfortable.

Apart from when I'm sitting next to
Cameron in the back of a limousine.

That's a joke. She's joking.

I want you to grab me by
the hair and f*ck me.

That's what we landed on yesterday.
Yes, the line, yes.

Yeah, we're gonna go with that.

Will it work with...?
Yes, it'll work, it'll work.
Where is he?

Er, he's coming.

So, what are we waiting for?

We're waiting for Patrick.

The stand-in?

He's not even in the movie.

It's just his back and his arse.

We don't say arse any more.

Here comes the body, hey!

Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, hey, Pat.

How are you, erm, how you doing?

SIGHS: Er, yes, still not,
not super comfortable.

Oh, OK, OK.

Erm, OK,

OK, you want to talk it out with,
er...

It's, it's that line,
man, it's still bumming me out.

We need the line,
we need the violence of the line.

Hey, Bobby,
we need to get going now.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Tat? Please can we just...
Yeah... Yeah. ..speed this up.

We've got to get it today.
Absolutely. Oh, absolutely, today.

Um, OK. Well, is there
any way where we can get,

the story beat that we need
but in, in a way that makes,

that makes Patrick feel safe?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, thank you.

Does Patrick not feel safe?
What are you, 180 lbs?

Well, well I think we
should find out what

Patrick's boundaries are, first.
OK...OK, sure,

erm, just tell us what your
boundaries are, Patrick.

Look, I, I'm just,
like, super aware that I,

I wanna be, you know,
like respectful to women.

Yeah.

Right. Well we've got
a problem then because,

I don't know if you heard this,

but the Nazis weren't that famous
for being super respectful.
Yeah, I know.

OK, erm, Patrick?

Patrick.

Patrick...

Yeah. Patrick.

Yeah. Bud. Listen,

is there a way that you

and me can help Bob get this
story beat together,

give her the moment that she
needs for the story?

Yeah? I can try. OK. I guess.
You're my guy.

I can try. OK, but I'm
just, look I'm just,

I'm just not, I'm just not clear
why she even says it. OK...

I say it. I say it.
Because it is in the script.

I say it because I am paid
as a monkey

to jump for bananas.
Can we just f*cking sh**t it,

so that I can fake my orgasm,

which I have been practising?
Right, Cameron? She's joking.

We need Collette to ask you
to hurt her,

because we know,
and the audience knows, that really,

Collette loves you.

Yeah, and she's not supposed
to love you because she's part

of the French Resistance
and you're a n*zi.

Oh. OK, so, so love
isn't going to help her now,

but it's happened so we really need
her to feel anger and lust,

because she IS angry,
she's SO angry,

because the fact is after
she makes love to you,

you're gonna be sent to your death.

And, Patrick, that is the
crux of the whole movie.

Right? Lark, you, you love
him, you hate him,

but you want him

so you just grab him by
the ba*ls... Oh, wow, we...

..and you take his hand
and you put it on your tit.

And, and you're inviting him
to be misogynistic, you know?

She's a black widow.

It's, it's love and sex

and a little death all in
the same moment.

It's la petite mort.

And that, that's the name of the
movie, right?

Yeah.

OK.

OK.

No... No, you know it's, it's just,

no, it's not working for me.

I can't...

Ah.

Erm, OK...OK.

SHE CLEARS THROAT

Would it help if you thought
of your characters as animals?

Yes.
Yeah?

Yes.
Mm-hm.

YES.
Yes.

OK. All right, well, I'm,
I'm already an eagle.

Because that's on the uniforms.
So, maybe if you just,

just don't pick a bird,
OK? Just don't pick a bird.

HE EXHALES
♪S

OK.
You're my guy.

All right.

HE GRUNTS
♪S

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

SPEECH INDISTINCT

MUSIC ENDS

Hey, babe, wag-wan.

Did I tell you what happened
with Noah earlier?

No.

So we were coming from
the supermarket.

You know the one on Sunset with
the homeless camps, right?

So a guy comes out
and Noah's just looking at him.

And then he says, "Are you hungry?"

And the guy nods.

And I swear to God, Bobby,

I didn't say anything,
I didn't prompt him,

I didn't tell him nuttin'.

And he literally just
opens his lunch box

and is like, "You can have a
banana."

And he gives him his banana.

THEY CHUCKLE

All right.

And then he's like, "But I'm keeping
my carrot cake."

Like.

OK. Trust me, that whole thing
was so, so funny.

OK, that's great. I'll, erm, I
better go, I'll speak to you later.

Yeah, you gonna be back in
time for Shabbat?

Erm, I don't know yet.
I'm gonna try my best. Better go.

Cool, later.

Sorry about that.

Nah, oh, it's fine.
Sorry I was eves dropping,

couldn't help it.
So you're engaged in the,

age-old struggle between mum
and work.

That is a tough nut to crack.

Do you have kids?

No.

So it's going really well
and Lark was great

and then she just got in her
head and it unravelled.

I think it's the sex doctor,
the officer, the sex officer.

The intimacy supervisor?
Yeah. Get rid of her.

Yeah, they're compulsory
now on all sets.

Do you want to know why?

Yes, please.

Because the men who had the power

to stop women from being abused,
chose not to.

Right.

Sorry, was that aimed at me?

I mean the environment that
was created was just

so hostile and toxic
and predatory and disgusting.

Intimacy supervisors were created
to spell out what should be obvious.

Maybe it's not obvious
to people who get with actresses

and assistants half their age.

That was directed at you.

Hmm, yeah, I got that.

Erm, well I'm sorry that I fell
in love with my assistant

and I'll be sure to check in
with you in the future

for an approved list of who I can
and can't sleep with,

Heir Commandant.

She knew your coffee order

and booked appointments
with your proctologist.

You didn't know her.

When was her birthday?

July...

Yeah, July.

Where was she born?

O...klahoma?

Ohio? It began with an O.

I loved her.

You paid her.

Only for the work stuff.

Perhaps you'd prefer it if I

proposed to my assistants before
I slept with them?

Or married them, then showed you
the marriage certificate.

Showed you the bedsheets

so you can make sure it's absolutely
proper. The Pope would love you.

I never want to see your sheets.

I just want to get the scene.
That's why I'm here.

Get the scene so we never have
to see each other again.

Finally, something we both agree on.
I knew we'd find common ground.

I just want Patrick
to stop dominating the set.

Tat should be much firmer with him.

We should have hired someone
with more experience.

I thought she was your friend?

She was my friend.
She was a chiropractor.

You can't do that over zoom
so she had to retrain during Covid.

Always hire someone you can fire.
That's my motto.

That's my life motto.

Can you just distract her?
Give her a cigarette or something.

I'm trying to give up.
I just need Patrick to get his
body out so we can move on.

And I don't care how that sounds
cos I'm desperate.

Social housing, you need to build
it, just don't build it near me.

And don't worry about
the whole ♪MeToo of it.

What do you mean? Well, you know,
don't feel like you betrayed the
movement or anything.

I don't feel like I'm betraying
the movement.

Good...Good.

Why're you being such a prick?

I'm not, I'm trying to be nice,

it's just that sometimes it
comes out horrible. I'm sorry.

OK, well, sorry for
calling you a prick.

But sometimes you can be
a bit of a d*ck.

Oh, yeah, from prick
to bit of a d*ck?

I'm going up in your estimation.

LARK: So how the hell are you gonna
keep her off the set?

Oh, don't worry, I'll,
I'll think of something.

OK, off you pop.

Hi. Oh, hey.

Just come to get Lark.
KNOCKS ON DOOR

Yes? Five minute warning. OK, honey.

Erm, I have to speak to Tatiana,
so I can tell her.

What are you doing?

Just giving Tatiana her call...
I told you I can tell her.

I have to be the one to do it, sir.
OK.

Erm, I'm simply observing
the protocol...

Tell you, tell you what,
why don't we call the producer and,

ask them if I can speak
to her directly?

Hello, you're through
to Cameron O'Neill...

Line's busy. ..leave a message
and I'll call you back.

Wait, of course it is.

I'm phoning myself.
I am the producer.

Is it OK if I speak
to Tatiana directly?

Hmm, let me think? Yeah,
it's absolutely fine.

Copy that.

Tatiana walking.

Good man.

Action.

You came back?

Yes...

..I did.

I can only see you if
you're loyal to the party.

I know.

I will be.

What do you want?

I want...

..I want you to grab me by
the hair and f*ck me.

Cut it, got it. Got it.

Wow... Wow, that actually works.

She's, she's awesome.
Hey, that was awesome.

OK, that's lunch.
That's lunch, folks.

Er, after lunch we're moving
straight to scene 56,

we're tarring and feathering
a collaborator.

Are you OK if we go straight to 56?
We don't have a lot of space.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
That's fine.

I got it, I got that scene.

Ah.

Ah, that's great, babe.

Erm...

So Noah...

Yeah, he's holding his poop again.

Oh, no.

Noah, you need to let the poop out.

No. I want Mum to come home.

OK, OK, OK, OK just put him on,

let me talk to him,
let me talk to him. Noah.

Talk to your mum on the phone.

Here's Mummy, Noah.

Help me poop, Mummy.

And we let the poop come
out of your body

and into the toilet.

Yeah, just relax your body

and let Mr Pooh Pooh
fall from your body

and down down into the
toilet, yeah.

GRUNTING: Oh!

Yes.

STRENUOUSLY: Oh. Come on.

Oh.

Yes. Keep up, see, yes...

Are we back on?

Sorry, Tatiana was just,
sorting out my what's it called...

Trapezius.

Great. Do you feel better?
Yeah, yeah.

Well, I just want to tell you that I
got the shot on a previous take.

What? Oh. You, you got the shot?
That's, Bob, that's...

Yeah. I thought you, so you rea,
so you realised,

you realised you already had it?
Yeah, I already had it.

Yeah, I was over thinking it.

Typical you, Bob, that's so her.
And, and Patrick, he's...?

Oh, Patrick's over the moon, yeah.

He feels very safe,
very comfortable, very, very held.

So Tatiana's totally sorted
my back out.

It's like I had this compression
it's just completely gone.

Will you stay for lunch?

We've got these new caterers from
New Orleans. Oh.

They do this great jambalaya.

Jambala-YEAH I will stay
for lunch.

That's awesome, yeah. Thank you.

And thank you.

No thank you,
I couldn't have done it

you know without your skill
and support on set.

Thank you. This is... I have been so
stoked to be here. Just to, all.

Me too, me too. See, Cameron,

we're not a load of old feminists
just trying to smack your bottom.

The thing is you're not
supposed to do that any more,

even though I don't mind.
I don't mind either, really...

See I knew he was a spy.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yo.
STRUGGLES TO OPEN DOOR

Pull it.

BANGS ON DOOR

Hi.

Just, just, am, am I...

Sorry, I'm just eating my lunch.

No, no, no, no, no.
Just go right ahead, please.

So...

..I noticed there was
a vibe on the set.

You looked a little anxious,

your body language was really tense.

Er, see I'm pretty good at reading
people and I just figured,

I just figured there was
something going on.

You know,
because you looked stressed.

I don't know what you thought about
what you were doing out there.

But, I thought you were good,
like, really strong.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

I loved your movie.
That scene at the end?

You know, he's just walking
along and he looks up

and he seems so sad.

And then slowly,

he just starts smiling

to himself and then
the film ends, you know.

I know.

Yeah, yeah, it really spoke to me.

Anyway, but erm...

So. I'm doing this play.

It's pretty rad.

Er, we wrote it.
You should come. Because you,

you would love it.
Er, we're on for three nights.

Er, I can get you a ticket.
I have some comps.

And I'd really love for you
to be my guest, you know.

Or you know, if you wanted,
we could just go for coffee,

you know, talk some
ideas, whatever.

Patrick, do you know that
Dionne Warwick song...

..about LA being a big freeway

and all the stars that never were
just working in gas stations

and parking cars?

No, no, I don't know that song, no.

Well, just think about that.

Er, how do you mean?

Let's just say you spend
the next 15 years

in a ton of badly paid jobs
and you manage to end up,

I don't know, erm,

number 26 on the call sheet
of Grey's Anatomy.

Would that make you happy?

Man I, I love that show.

But would that make you happy,
Patrick?

I'm sorry, are you trying to tell
me something? It's...

I'm telling you
to do something else.

You're a good-looking guy,
you're a confident guy.

Help some people.

Do something useful.

You'll be happier.

Wow...

HE SCOFFS

You have a great day.

MUSIC: Do You Know The Way
to San Jose by Dionne Warwick

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa,
whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa,
whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa

♪ Do you know the way to San Jose?

♪ I've been away so long

♪ I may go wrong
and lose my way... ♪

You idiot.

Patrick.

Bill, did you see Patrick?

The stand-in guy?

Yeah.

Guy with the cute a*s

and the tight abs and the
pecs and stuff?

Yeah, did you see him?
Oh, yeah, I saw him.

No, I mean recently.

Oh, no.

OK. Thanks. I'm not g*y,
I'm just into bodies and stuff.

♪ And all the stars
that never were...

Patrick.

♪ Are parking cars and pumping gas

♪ You can really breathe in San Jose

♪ They've got a lot of space

♪ There'll be a place
where I can stay

♪ I was born and raised in San Jose

♪ I'm going back to find some
peace of mind in San Jose... ♪

BILL: You know he had these
strippers lined up. He was like...

MIMICKING BRITISH ACCENT:
"All right, ladies, bend over."

He was in a*s heaven, man.

Well, yeah, I, I, you know,

maybe we shouldn't talk about,
women, you know, like that.

What? Are you yanking my chain?

Thank you, sir.

No, no, Bill, I, I,

you know, I just think
maybe we should just,

why don't we just try it
and see how it goes? Yeah.

OK. OK, sorry, man.

Ah, it's cool.

You almost had me,
you son of a b*tch.

Where are we going, strip club?

Patrick...

Patrick, I'm sorry.

♪ Oh, LA is a great big freeway

♪ Put a hundred down and buy a car

♪ In a week, maybe two,
they'll make you a star

♪ Weeks turn into years,
how quick they pass

♪ And all the stars that never were

♪ Are parking cars and pumping gas

♪ I've got lots of friends
in San Jose

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa,
whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa

♪ Oh, do you know the way to
San Jose?

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa,
whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa

♪ Can't wait to get back
to San Jose... ♪