03x01 - Operation Headjob

[bunniefuu]

["Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS playing]

[Amerie] High school almost k*lled me.

[camera shutter clicks]

[Amerie] Came bloody close.

[inaudible]

{\an8}[Amerie] After almost being burnt alive,
I realized…

{\an8}♪ Don't ask me… ♪

[Amerie] …I'm a hard b*tch to take out.

♪ What you know is true… ♪

[Amerie] And so is Hartley…

♪ Don't have to tell you… ♪

[Amerie] …even if she is
a few classrooms short these days.

♪ I love your precious heart… ♪

Hello!

[Amerie] A lot changed in the last year.

Romance crossed enemy lines.

Some friendships were left for dead.

There was heartbreak,

and there was drama.

But we found a new normal in the end.

- [cheering]
- [applause]

[Amerie] Some of us have flourished.

Well done.

[Amerie] Some of us
are still annoying as hell.

As for me, I've found my calling.

I'm gonna smash my exams,
get into Psych at university,

and continue being an absolute legend.

I'm done making dumb choices,

being a magnet for chaos,

dating the wrong guys.

Now I've just gotta survive
the final weeks of school

so I can step into
this beautiful thing called adulthood.

[music distorts]

[Darren] Uh, that's not going to fit
into the graduation video.

Am, the question was

"Describe your high school experience
in three words or less."

Soz, you know I ramble.

I think you covered it
with "almost k*lled me."

[screaming]

- k*ll me.
- The last days of school are crazy.

Help! Help!

[Darren] I do love the t*rture
of Year Sevens.

- [boy] Please help.
- That was just mean.

Oh, my sweet little empath,
it's Muck-Up Day.

Yeah, we waited 13 years for this day,

for the right to terrorize
the rest of the school.

- Don't worry, it's character-building.
- Exactly. That was me in Year Eight.

- And I turned out fine.
- [Harper] Debatable.

Confetti. High phosphorus detergent.

- Can you hear the dolphins crying?
- Chill, Greenpeace.

It was made very clear

that environmentally-damaging products
would not be welcome.

Quinni, can you overrule this?
You're school captain.

But I'm the head
of the graduation committee,

so Muck-Up Day falls under my remit.

- [boy] Help!
- Uh…

Sorry, Am, she's right.

Where do you expect me to put this?

Shove it up your arse. I don't care.
Don't know. Just get rid of it.

Hey, I hope that's not a glitter b*mb!
Give me that!

- What the hell?
- What are you doing?

- What did I say?
- Warning the others.

Becoming vice captain

is probably the worst thing
that could've happened to Sasha.

- Yeah, total power trip.
- [message whooshes]

You know, we could stash this
at Rowan's place.

- [cell phone chimes]
- Hive mind, b*tch.

["Hot To Go" by Chappell Roan playing]

[Harper chuckling] You're the worst.

That's why I love you though.

♪ H-O-T-T-O-G-O ♪

♪ You can take me hot to go… ♪

- Thanks, mate.
- [Amerie] Oi, piss off.

Hmm…

Ugh. Voss really left his mark
on this place.

Yeah, kind of unfair
how we call it Rowan's place.

Heard he's, um, he's out of hospital
and back in Dubbo, so that's good.

- Huh. Good for him.
- [cell phone chimes]

Oh my God, oh my God.
Trial exam results are in.



- The plan's on track! The plan's on track!
- [laughing]

What plan?

Oh, me and Harps
go to Sydney Metropolitan Uni.

Arts, Psychology.

We graduate with honors, go backpacking,
join a K-pop entourage…

- …then come back and start our careers…
- Mmm…

…and co-parent an Alaskan Malamute
named Jack Barklow.

Yeah, that one.

Sounds lesbo.
My plan's to not get anyone pregnant.

[chuckles] Yet.

Should've been Malakai's plan.

Ooh, way to bring up
ghosts of boyfriends past.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

- [sighs]
- Um, where's your shirt?

[scoffs] Sasha banned me from wearing it.

Apparently it's offensive to people
who identify with having boobs.

[scoffs]

Oh, she is going down.

["Chocolate Rain" by Flo Milli playing]

♪ Passive agressive
I'm sexy, obsessive ♪

♪ That closet, impressive
She messy, possessive… ♪

[Ant] Get Sasha!

No, guys, this isn't fair!
I can only sh**t one at a time! Ow!

[evil laughter]

- [music stops]
- [honking]

Oi, Povvo High, suck this! [chuckling]

[all groaning]

- [students screaming]
- Whoo!

[groaning]

[screaming]

- Whoo!
- Yeah! [groans]

Whoo! [laughing]

The f*ck?

["Shazam!" by Spiderbait playing]

♪ Hey, you
You never should've ran ♪

♪ You want to make something
That can take you down again ♪

♪ This time, you say you're just fine ♪

♪ You need a little something
That can make you smile again ♪

♪ Come on, yeah, it won't take long ♪

♪ You need a little bit
So you can impress everybody… ♪

- [screaming]
- [groaning]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- I got one!
- [boy] Yeah, get the head!

[screaming]

- [cheering]
- [laughing]

[girl] The mascot is ours!

[music ends]

- What just happened?
- [students groaning]

- [Woodsy] Wow.
- [Quinni] We need to crack who did it.

- Those boys certainly had some cheek.
- [Quinni] Who were they?

Who else calls us Povvo High?

St. Brunos's boys.

Let's not go pointing fingers
without proof, okay?

- [Woodsy] Thank you, Jojo.
- We can prove they did it.

Excuse me, St. Brunos

have been very charitable to us
in the wake of the fire.

They've lent us facilities,
and they've also donated textbooks.

Miss, they didn't give us
anything this time.

- They took from us.
- Yeah, the head of the ibis mascot.

- [panting]
- [girl] Oh my God.

- Wow, he is a really ugly crier.
- Yeah.

As school captain--

And vice captain, head of the q*eer
Environmentalist Social Justice Club,

and the graduation committee.

I consider it my personal responsibility
to ensure that morale remains high

during these stressful times
before we graduate, Miss.

- [Harper] Exactly.
- Mmm.

They didn't just take a mascot
or an ibis head.

- They took our school spirit.
- [Harper] Hear, hear.

[yelling] And we're not gonna let them
get away with it!

- [boy] Hell no.
- Yeah!

- We're gonna just lay down--
- Yes! What does it say--

Settle down, everyone, please. Thank you.

[clamoring stops]

[quietly] Bullshit.

All of you

are nearly at the finish line of school,

on the cusp of adulthood.

Your trial exams are over.

All that remains is Showcase,
your final exams, and graduation.

You are so close to the end.

Do not risk your very exciting futures…

- …on seeking retaliation.
- [c*ck toy g*n]

Am I clear?

- [huffs]
- [Harper] Yeah, but--

Am I clear?

- Yes, Miss.
- Sure.

- Yes, Miss.
- Yes, Miss.

Yep.

[sneezes, whimpers]

Oh my God, look what they've done.

["Ready For The Sky" by Budjerah playing]

Five years from now… Mmm…

Graduate drama school.
Emmy, Oscar, Grammy, Tony. [inhales]

And attending movie premieres
with Ca$h as my arm candy.

They said that?

Okay.

Finish the apprenticeship, uh,

and, you know, doing… doing tattoos.

Signing my multimillion dollar deal
for my award-winning podcast.

[Quinni] Oh, about what?

Anything I want. I'm a storyteller.

Mum's got it all worked out.
I'm gonna be a carpenter like Jesus.

I think they earn pretty good money.
It's just, like, nothing but wood

all day.

I am going to be a practicing vet,
having graduated from my uni of choice

because I am going to get
that scholarship.

Everything going to plan,
I'll get drafted in an AFLW team.

Whatever I need to do. I'll move anywhere.

Okay, I guess it kind of depends
where Missy gets drafted.

'Cause she's gonna get drafted.
She's so good.

Okay, where do I see myself in five years?

I would love to start my own nonprofit.

You know, I wear my values, and I'd like
to do something along the lines of that.

Um, just really helping people.

Where will I be in five years?

Yeah, I have no idea.

I see myself in a mansion in Byron Bay
opposite Chris Hemsworth

with my sexy boyfriend Noah
and my best friend Harper.

All the Byron Bay locals
will be my psychology clients.

[on laptop] I'll also dabble
in spiritual healing

and would probably have
a boob job by that point.

[keypad clacks]

Looks great.

Yeah, except I lost all of that footage
'cause of the water bombs.

Uh, no one will know that's missing.

[sighs] This video
and my graduation speech

are my last acts as school captain.

- It has to be perfect.
- It will. It will be. I promise, okay?

Now just come hang out inside the bowlo.
Everyone's there.

There's no point obsessing
over what happened. Come on.

Come on.

[grunts] The St. Brunos's boys
have been f*cking with us all year.

Why couldn't they let us
have our Muck-Up Day?

[Harper] Because if they want something,
they always get it.

Do you think Noah knows
where the ibis head is?

- [boy] Oh, thanks.
- I don't know. Why don't we ask him?

Oi, no, you two, out.
If my boss sees youse dressed like that…

- [mumbles mockingly]
- We're not staying, bro.

Just popped by to see
my stunning girlfriend. G'day.

Really love that you showed your peen
to my entire school.

- Yeah. That was Seb's idea.
- Mmm…

And the ibis head?

Crime of opportunity?

You'll get it back.
Just don't let Seb know you want it.

You enjoy the show, Dazzler?

When was the last time
you washed your arsehole?

[chuckles]

Where's the head?

Harper, if you want head, just ask nicely.

[retching] Yuck!

- Woodsy will help us get it back.
- Whatever. Enough of this sh*t.

Gotta get to work.

Do you need a lift to Harry's?

No, I'm not at Harry's tonight. [exhales]
I got a job at the carnival in town.

[blows raspberry, chuckles]

I wouldn't step foot
in that cathedral to White Tr*sh.

How's your neck?

You know, from my chokehold?

You know, there's a strong correlation
between violence and a low, low IQ.

All right.

Back in your box.

- Bye.
- [Noah] Seb.

- [clears throat] Come on.
- [Seb] Catch you later, plebs. [chuckles]

Hey, nice shorts.

[quietly] d*ck.

That piece of sh*t needs to go down.

Noah too. It's us versus them.

They have something of ours.

We need something of theirs.

- [panting] A head for a head.
- Yes.

Nope. You heard what Woodsy said.

Since when do you care about
what Woodsy says?

Well, this time she's right.

From now until the HSC, I'm literally
spending every spare minute studying.

I don't need any dumb distractions.

And neither do you.

This is our future, Harps.

[blows]

[slow romantic music playing]

Darius then organized the Persian Empire
into 20 provinces, or satrapies--

Why are you friends with Seb?

I've known him since kindy.
Yeah, we're kind of like you and Harper.

Except Harper's not a massive dildo.

Sometimes, you're mates with someone
'cause you have a shared past.

Doesn't mean
they're gonna be in your future.

Brutal.

What? People change.
Go down different tracks.

That's not me and Harps. We're gonna
terrorize nursing homes together.

[chuckles]

So then I guess
I'll be out of the picture by then.

Yeah, you'll be dead already.
I would've sexed you to death.

Worse ways to go out.

Like being assassinated
by Artabanus and his eunuch.

- I see what you did there.
- Got to keep on track.

Oh, what would I do without you?

All right. [clears throat]
What caused the fall of Persepolis?

Persepolis was sacked and burned
by Alexander the Great in, uh,



- [scoffs] That was really good.
- Yeah.

Now take off your cardigan.

- It's… it's really cold--
- Off.

- No, it's freezing--
- Take off your cardigan. Off.

- Baby.
- I'm not gonna ask again.

[Noah sighs]

Okay, I wanted to beat you
at quizmaster just once.

Oh my…

What, by cheating?

- It's not fair. You've got a tutor.
- Yeah, and I give you all her notes.

[Noah] Give 'em here.

[smacks lips, sighs]

Persian Empire.

Pompeii.

[smacks lips]

Where's the Han Dynasty?

[chuckles]

What else are you hiding?

The Forbidden City.

[inhales] It's a grubby tactic. [exhales]

[inhales] It's hard to focus
now that I've seen your, um,

cheat sheet.

[Amerie groans]

Gotta keep on track.

[music fades]

[orchestral music playing]

[man clears throat]

Oh! Principal McMahon.

Um, we all really appreciate, uh,
you taking the time to see us today.

Our students were very insistent.

No problem.

This is our Year 12 captain, Sharma.
His vice, Johnson.

I've asked them to join the meeting,
considering the nature of it.

Now, let me get this straight.

[smacks tongue] Naked boys in balaclavas
stormed Hartley High yesterday.

And you think
the boys are from this school?

We know they are, sir.

At this stage, that is a theory, yes.

On what basis?

Well, I think it's fair to say
that there has been rivalry

with our students and our schools.

In the past, perhaps.

This particular cohort
has been very collegiate.

They stole the head of our mascot.

The chicken costume? [snickers]

It's an ibis.

And it's an important symbol
of our school.

I'm asking that you question the boys
on its whereabouts

and get them to return it promptly.

[scoffs] The logistics
of what you're asking are a bit tricky.

There are 112 graduating seniors,
most of whom are not regularly on campus--

I can identify one of the streakers.
He's standing right next to you.

Sebastian?

That is not true, sir.

I thought you said
the boys were wearing balaclavas.

Yes, but you can see the bruising
on his neck.

That's where Harper tackled him.

Uh, one of the Year 12 students
tried to apprehend one of the culprits.

Sir, I… I wasn't there,
and I'll be honest with you…

[chuckling] …I have no idea
what they're talking about.

Sebastian, how did you get
that bruise on your neck?

Spear tackle.
Rugby game got a bit spirited.

- Ouch. Ouch.
- Mm-hmm.

- [Principal chuckles]
- [scoffs] Bullshit.

- Okay, Sasha, please.
- I was two inches away from your p*nis,

and I saw that ugly little birthmark
next to your b*ll s*ck,

and I will happily ID it.

Okay, well, clearly we can't do that.

- Go on, show us your d*ck.
- Enough!

This meeting is over.

[dramatic music playing]

- [music stops]
- Sasha, please sit down.

- Well, that went well.
- [Quinni] Mm-hmm.

[invigorating music playing]

[all grunting]

- [moaning] Ah, what a dreamboat.
- Rack off, creeper.

- Who's he?
- Just an old friend. Boyfriend, briefly.

- Oi, Noah.
- [Noah] Yo.

[Seb] Girlfriend's keeping tabs on her ex.

Malakai?

Harper mentioned him yesterday,

and I was just curious
as to what he was up to.

Don't read into it.

Cool.

All good. Just gotta hit the showers,
and then I'll see you after.

- Okay.
- [Noah] Talk to you soon.

- Love you.
- [Noah] Love you.

- [inhales, clears throat]
- You are on a roll.

- Hmm?
- Stirring sh*t, stealing heads…

Look, you've had your fun.
When are you gonna give it back?

[Seb] I don't have it. Not anymore.

Where is it?

In a place where
you'll never be able to get it.

I think there's a minimum annual salary
requirement just to get in the door.

[snickering]

[cell phone chimes]

[boys laughing]

[Seb] Povvo High losers.

[Harper] Piece of sh*t.

How do we break it to Quinni?

We don't. We go and get it back.

[scoffs] The whole point of him
leaving it there was so we couldn't.

Well, there's gotta be a way.
You're the one with the in.

I'm not exploiting
my relationship like that, Harper.

So we just lie down and take it?

So you're choosing Noah over me?

Why are you so cut?

Seb's always doing cooked sh*t like this.
How is this time any different?

I…

- I bombed at trials.
- What?

How bad were your marks?

Bad enough that I'm probably
not getting into uni.

[somber music playing]

It… It's okay. It's okay, okay?

We've still got coursework
and… and the HSC.

Trials only count for 40%.
We can save the plan.

[Harper] You're the only person
I'd ever admit this to,

but maybe I'm just not smart enough.

Oh, piss off.
You are the smartest person I know, okay?

Seriously. You're just working two jobs,
and you've got so much on your plate--

That's never gonna change, Amerie.

I have to support myself.

You know, maybe…

maybe Seb's right about me.

Don't you dare say that.
Seb knows nothing. f*ck that guy, okay?

Okay?

[sighs]

[mysterious music playing]

[Harper sighs]

Wait here.

[Harper] But… [sighs]

[door creaks]

[exhales]

[inhales]

[music stops]

[sacred choral music playing]

A head for a head.

- Okay.
- I love you, Map b*tch.

They left our ibis at the yacht club.

We'll leave this bust somewhere

they'll never lower themselves
to rescue it from.

- Centrelink.
- Kmart.

- [Darren] A food court.
- Guys, no. We need to think bigger.

We need to go large,
and we need to do it tonight.

[smacks lips] I can't.
I'm working at the carnival.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, Harps. Seb said
he'd never set foot in the carnival.

- Oh! We could hang it from a ride.
- [chuckles]

From a noose. [grunts]

- We'll call it Operation Headjob.
- Hell yeah.

Yeah, I've done my fair share
of B&Es with the adlays.

This one's, uh, not worth the risk.

Who said anything about breaking in?
Harper literally works there.

- [Spider] Hmm.
- Gotta be a way to Trojan horse this sh*t.

- Oh my God, actually…
- Still…

…we could totally…

…not worth the risk.

- [students giggling]
- [Sasha] Hey, no running in the halls.

Oh, there you are.

Okay, so I've been thinking

about the revenge plan
for the ibis head, and--

Oh, and we'd maybe still have it

if you'd shut your hole
in the Brunos meeting.

Anyways, I was doing
some digging on St. Bruno.

Turns out he was a Carthusian monk
who was never formally canonized.

Like, there's gotta be a reason why.

Wait, you're gonna cancel a dead saint?

Well, yeah, it's perfect.

We hack into
the St. Brunos School website

so when people go there,
boom, up comes a picture of Bruno

covered in the facts
the Church don't want you to know.

Right.

You know what, Sash? That's…
That's, like, actually a really good idea.

[Ant scoffs]

Really?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
we don't have a better one, right?

- I love it.
- [Darren] Mm.

- Oh yeah. Sick idea, Sash.
- Yeah.

- Great idea.
- [Ca$h] Yeah. It's a mad idea.

- Okay.
- [Ca$h] Yeah, it's so good.

Yeah, well, I thought so.
So, um, great, team.

I'll get started on the research.

- Amazing!
- Get to work, girl boss.

- We love you, vice captain!
- [door closes]

All right, our plan shits all over that,

so I'll iron out the details,
and I'll see you there at 5 p.m tonight.

- Got it?
- [Ant] Hell yeah.

[Amerie] Hell yeah.

He was an average egg

who said,

"Just one more time."

One more climb!

- [girl] Okay.
- One last…

[girl] More pizzazz, more…

…high.

[girl] Less is more.
[continues indistinct]

But that final step…

[both stomping]

…would be his final breath.

[both forcefully exhale]

- And all the king's horses…
- [hoofbeats]

…and all the king's men

couldn't put my son together again!

[Spider wailing]

[scoffs]

This is bad. I need to impress
the drama school people.

The drama showcase is in two weeks.

As the president of the drama club,
you should be doing better.

- You should be taking this more seriously.
- I'm just trying to lean into the comedy.

Well, I'm trying to get us top marks.

You know what I give top marks to, Zoe?

- Your other writing.
- Mm. [purrs]

- You both know it's not me.
- [Spider] Oh…

Curse!

Curse on both your houses!

[groans]

Macbeth?

The other one.

Guys, what other writing?

- Um…
- Uh…

Ant just found… found this website open
on the library computers.

Had some pretty horny content.

Fairy smut. Erotic fiction, Miss,

called Velvet Thrones,
if you wanna check it out.

I'm okay. Thanks, Darren.

Ant went full missionary, yeah.
Got everyone to read it.

[whispers] Everyone.

Even the Year Sevens.

- Sick.
- [Spider] The entire school.

And you think Zoe wrote it?

Probably not, but it feels so good…

- …to give her sh*t about it.
- [chuckles]

[Jojo] I'm gonna pretend
I didn't hear any of that.

I, um, heard it's actually really good.
Have you, um…

- Have you read it?
- No. I don't get off to words.

I'm more of like a VR headset,
moisturizer kind of guy.

Yeah, me either.

[cell phones chiming]

[intriguing music playing]

[pings]

[scoffs]

[door opens]

- Noah?
- [door closes]

Amerie.

What are you doing here?
You didn't say you were gonna come over.

Oh yeah, um… I left my charger.

But, um, I can't stay. Harper's had
a heap-sh*t day, so I need to…

[clangs]

What is that?

- [exhales]
- Why is your hair wet?

And why do you smell
like salt and vinegar chips?

- I went to the yacht club.
- You got the head?

I just know how much
it means to Quinni, so I…

- Noah. [exhales]
- Yeah.

Don't thank me yet though.
Um, strong winds overnight,

head fell off the bow into the water,
got swept onto the rocks,

a crab made a home
in its left eye socket, and then, um,

the seagulls came.

[upbeat music playing]

Oh, Jesus!

[Quinni] We could just clean it up.

Yeah, I… I really didn't wanna
tell you this, Quinn,

but, um, Seb took a sh*t in it.

[retching]

Seb is an animal.

Hmm. Which is why this mug
needs to get it extra good.

[exhales]

[blows raspberry] I wanna meet Penetrator.

Oh, that is not it.

I wonder what he penetrates.

- Hearts.
- Minds.

- Souls.
- Or probably vaginas.

[laughs]

These bloody wristbands.
Who needs blood supply to their hands?

At this rate, I'm never
gonna be able to mazz again.

Guys, I was supposed to open my stall


- Thanks, babe. I'll see you later.
- Oh, there's the others.

- [magical music playing]
- [crowd chatter fades]

Hey.

It's Malakai. Remember?

- Yeah.
- Ah!

The guy who doesn't do goodbyes.

Yeah. [smacks lips]

Um, I hope it's okay I came.
Just… Missy invited me.

- [music fades]
- [crowd chatter returns]

I only flew in this morning.
We just… we wanted to hang out.

Um…

What… what are you doing back?

Uh, Dad, he… he finished up his contract,

so Mum and I have just come
to help pack up the house.

[Ant] Malakai, come on! Hurry up!

[inhales, groans]

Oh, I hate to cut short
this beautiful reunion,

but unlimited rides, people.

- Sorry.
- [Ant] The band's back together.

Never leave us again, Malakai.

Did you-- Um… Did you know he…

- It… No.
- No.

I mean, Malakai did post a story
of him boarding a plane in Dubai,

so I knew he was in the approximate
geographical location.

What? I was stalking his socials
this morning.

- I didn't see that.
- Oh, no. It was just close friends.

Which I am right this second learning
you are one of.

Look, it's a lot to unpack, but we need
to remain focused on why we're here.

No, you're right. Okay. [inhales]

[swallows] Everyone's across the plan.

Until go time, we just need
to blend in, like regular teens

enjoying a wholesome day out
at the carnival.

- Period.
- Period.

[screaming]

["1979" by The Smashing Pumpkins playing]

♪ Shakedown 1979 ♪

♪ Cool kids never have the time… ♪

[Darren] Huh? Oh yeah?

♪ On a live wire right up off the street ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ And I don't even care ♪

♪ To shake these zipper blues ♪

- ♪ And we don't know ♪
- [inaudible]

- ♪ Just where our bones will rest ♪
- [inaudible]

- ♪ To dust I guess ♪
- [indistinct]

♪ Forgotten and absorbed ♪

♪ Into the earth below ♪

♪ As you see there's no one around ♪

- [music ends]
- [riders screaming]

- [Harper] Order up.
- [slurping]

Thank you.

You really are a witch.

You just uttered his name,
and he was, like, full on summoned.

Sorry, that must've been a shock.
You okay?

I am now. Be the pond, not the fish.

I moved on. My life is spectacular.

More importantly, how are you feeling?

[Harper] Hmm.

Hey, we're gonna get you through, Harps.

Don't forget Showcase.
That'll make up for heaps of loss marks.

- [exhales] Hope so.
- It will.

I'm covering breaks.
You wanna take yours now?

Uh, thanks, I don't need one.

[scoffs] Not even to eat?

My mate will get me something.

[boy] Does your mate have a name?

Amerie.

Amerie.
I thought it was gonna be Beautiful.

- Mmm.
- [Harper] Chill, Liam.

She's got a hot rich boyfriend,
so don't waste your tickets.

Oi!

Chase skirt on your own time.

Have another drink, Clancy.

Whoa. Way to speak to your boss.

No, my mum's the boss. He's just
the mongrel that she's shacked up with.

Let me know if you change your mind.

Lock up your daughters.

- Hey, chase skirt on your own time, yeah?
- [chuckles]

[riders screaming]

[manic laughter]

[wolf howling]

[Malakai] Amerie.

- I… Can we just--
- What?

What's going on with--

You moved halfway across the world,
and I had to hear it from Missy.

I know. It… it was a messed up time.

At the very least,
you could have said goodbye.

Is that why you ignored my letter?

I… I never got a letter.

You didn't?

No, Malakai.

To be honest, it seems like
a pretty convenient excuse…

- …for you to pull out now.
- No.

No. Yeah, I… I can be a dickhead, sure,
but I… I'm not a liar.

No, I slipped it into your locker
the day of formal.

That whole part of the school
burned to the ground.

[pensive music playing]

Huh! [chuckles]

[manic laughter]

A bit tragic, you going on this alone.

Yeah, I… I'm not.

You're coming with me.

- [manic laughter]
- [Amerie laughing]

[laughing] Oh my God, this is so lame.

[Malakai scoffs]

You're scared.

- I'm not.
- [laughs]

[chuckles]

[Amerie] Oh! [laughing]

You know, laughter
is a stress response to fear.

Okay, I'm literally
about to study psychology.

I think I can psychoanalyze myself,
thank you. I'm not scared. Oh!

[screams]

Okay, okay, I'm sh1tting myself! [screams]

- [chains clacking]
- [owl hooting]

[wolf howling]

- [metallic screech]
- [gasps]

[ride shuts down]

[buzzing]

I don't think this is part of the ride.

[whooshes]

[groans] Must've just missed
the sweet spot there, big man.

Sorry about that.
Better luck next time, eh?

All right. Three tickets,
three chances to win.

Hair on that chest there, Hercules?

- [groans]
- Yeah, step up and prove it.

- I think I got it from here.
- You wish.

All right, five bucks
says I can top ya, easy.

Uh, are you forgetting something?
I'm an athlete. I'll make you piss.

- Oh, the language of love.
- Watch and learn.

- Don't choke.
- You wish.

[whispers] Mother of my babies.

[grunts]

[machine whooshes] Try harder.

- [Missy scoffs] What?
- Sorry.

Wackadoodle.

Yeah, all right, enough foreplay.
Give me that, thank you.

[scoffs]

- I mean, I paid for that.
- [chuckles] You can do it.

[dings, trumpets]

- We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen!
- [chuckling] You did it! You did it!

That was so good! That was so good!

What prize do you want, Quinni?

Slappy hand!

[sing-song] Slappy hand! I have
a slappy hand! I have a slappy hand!

All yours, darling.

- Thank you.
- Thank you!

[screaming, laughing]

[muffled crowd clamoring in distance]

[smacks lips]

[inhales] I actually would've picked you
for studying psych.

Hmm. Yeah.

Guess I've always been
into watching people, you know.

Trying to understand
why they do the things they do.

Then after all the Rowan stuff,
I had to see a counselor, so…

- You know, that really helped me.
- Hmm.

Thought I'd like to help people
in that way too.

I'm really sorry about what happened.

What Rowan did,
it wasn't your fault, or mine.

And even though
it was an awful experience,

it brought
some really positive change into my life.

Like meeting Noah.

Oh, your… your boyfriend?

You know?

Oh, yeah, Missy keeps me updated, so…

- Huh.
- [light chuckle]

[sighs]

- So how long is it--
- About a year.

Yeah. Um, after the fire, St. Brunos
invited us to use their campus.

Like, their oval, art rooms, sort of.

He's a private-school boy.

Yeah, but, like,
the least awful version of one.

No, he's the best.

Honest, dependable, loyal.

[smacks lips] That sounds like
you're describing a dog.

Well, dogs can't hold pens,
so no risk of them writing letters.

So, um, not that
it really matters much now,

but what did you write me?

[chuckles]

[intriguing music playing]

Uh…

[inhales]

It was everything I was too afraid
to say to you in person.

Like what?

Er… [chuckles]

That I just…

- [banging]
- [screams, pants]

Oh. Hi, Liam.

Amerie.

So sorry to interrupt this,

but little Timmy in the car ahead
puked up a… [groans]

Sorry, he just…

[inhales] …puked up a daggy dog
all over Dracula.

Yeah. I'll show youse to the exit, eh?

Okay.

What…

Yep.

- [riders screaming]
- [indistinct chatter]

Quinni?

Sasha. What are you doing here?

Oh, my parents forced me
to come and herd my feral brothers.

Hey, I'm sorry about snapping
in that meeting before.

I… I should've just let you handle it.

It's okay.

Anyways, what are you doing here?

What? Oh!

My slappy hand!

Water, water, water!

[boy] Sashy! Sashy! Look what I got!

Kevin, no, I told you not to spend
all of your money on that.

- Get here, we're going home.
- [Kevin] That's unfair.

Mum said it was all right.

[clears throat]

It's time to mobilize.
Operation Headjob is a go.

Carnival's closing in 30 minutes.

It's go time.

[suspenseful music playing]

You heading off?

I thought I'd stick around, actually.

Need a ride, so… [chuckles]

Did Missy tell you the… the full plan?

To get revenge
on those rich Bruno wankers?

Okay, so you know you'll be waiting
for that ride for, like, a… a while.

[smacks lips] Unless I wait with you guys.

A lot of bodies, little truck.

If you wanna get intimate with someone's
armpit for the next few hours…

- …be my guest.
- Mmm.

[indistinct chatter]

[electricity winding down]

[power winding down]

[power winding down]

[suspenseful music continues]

[rattling]

[slaps]

[mouthing] Oh, yes.

[slaps]

[door clanking]

[inaudible, shushing]

It's go time.

[Spider chuckles]

[Malakai] You guys are insane.

[Harper] Seb's gonna sh*t himself.

[Quinni] Roll up, roll up,
get your tickets to ride!

[Amerie] Guys, guys, guys,
stop arsing around.

We need to get this done, and then
we need to get the hell out of here.

[grunts] All right. [clears throat]
I'll get the mannequin up there.

[Amerie] Great.

- [owl hooting]
- [gasps]

- It's a tawny frogmouth!
- [gasps]

- [owl hooting]
- Nightmare fuel is what that is. Jeez.

It's all right, I'm good.

[exhales repeatedly]

- It's all right.
- Go on.

[Missy] You got this, baby.

- [owl hooting]
- Jesus! Nope, nope, cannot do it.

Aww…

Not cool, dude. It's like a legit phobia.

- You're a legit p*ssy, dude.
- [chuckling] f*cking say that again.

There cannot be a worse time
for you guys to measure dicks.

- Please, please, settle down.
- [Missy] Babe, babe, babe, it's okay.

Settle.

Settle.

- [exhales]
- I'll do it.

Oh, okay, don't forget this.

- All right. Uh, grab the rope, Harps.
- I'll just go keep lookout or whatever.

Yeah, Missy,
can you actually go do the same?

This is how horror films start.

- Ant, you know what to do, buddy.
- I do know what to do.

- And you two--
- I really need to have a wee.

Impeccable timing, seriously.

- Go find a bush.
- [Quinni] Okay.

[Amerie] Go with.

Coming, Quinni.

[dramatic music playing]

[rope creaking]

[groans]

- Come on. God.
- [Harper] Okay.

- Could you help me with it?
- [Malakai] Hey!

- [banging]
- Jesus Christ.

- [Malakai] Stop it. Hold this up.
- [Harper laughing] Okay. Okay.

Hurry up.

- Hold it. Hold it.
- [Harper] Okay, I've got it.

- Oh my God.
- [cell phone clicks]

[chuckles]

[both grunting]

[Malakai] There we go.

- Oh, Bruno.
- [Harper] Bruni. [chuckling]

[Amerie] Suck it, Seb.

[powering up]

- Jesus. [grunts]
- [gasps]

[Ant] Whoa.

[creaking]

- [Quinni] Harper.
- [Darren] Harps.

- What's going on?
- I don't know.

Let's move, now.

Malakai, just leave it!

- No!
- [Malakai] Let's go!

Oh my God!

[grunting]

[Clancy] Oi!

- Oi!
- Go! Go! Run!

[clanks]

Oi!

- Go!
- Oh my God!

[Clancy] Oi! Come here, you little prick!

- [Malakai grunts]
- [Clancy] Come back here, you little sh*t!

- [cracking]
- [groans]

Hey! Hey!

["In Cold Blood" by alt-J playing]

[Clancy] Come back here!

- [rattling]
- [clangs]

- [metallic clang]
- [body thuds]

♪ Pool k*ller, k*ller pool, pool k*ller
Kiss me ♪

♪ Mr. Caspian's k*ller told me so ♪

♪ La-la la-la la la ♪

♪ Heard it down on the radio… ♪

[Spider] Go, go, go.

♪ La-la la-la la la ♪

- [fabric tearing]
- [fence rattling]

♪ Summer vibes k*lled ♪

♪ In cold blood ♪

[invigorating music playing]

[music ends]