01x01 - Spies Will Be Dispatched!

[bunniefuu]

Combat Agent Six.

Yes, ma'am!

You will be the vanguard of

the Kisaragi Corporation's forces,

and our spy.

Yes, ma'am!

There are several planets in this universe

known to be extremely similar to Earth.

And we're sending you to one of them.

Yes, ma'am!

Now go, Agent Six!

Make the whole universe feel our power!

Sorry, I'm not following any of this.

What, specifically,

are you "not following"?

Any of this!

First, if the technology to go

to other planets really existed,

I'd already be on a planet with nothing

but girls with watermelon-sized t*ts!

Hey.

Listen, I've been turning a blind eye

to the weird cosplay and the silly titles,

but all this "universe" stuff

is too much--even for me.

D-Don't call my uniform cosplay!

S-Silly titles?

How dare you speak that way

to two of the three leaders of Kisaragi,

"Astaroth the Ice Queen" and

"Belial the Great Flame"?

Who do you think you're fooling, Yukari?

Could you do that little performance

in front of your parents?

No talking about parents!

Or using people's real names!

Listen well, Agent Six.

We are on the verge

of conquering the planet.

You understand that, right?

Yes, I guess.

So, when we've conquered the world,

what do you think happens

to you combat agents?

We become rulers and

spend the rest of our lives surrounded

by all the t*ts we can grab, right?

Fool! There'll be

a company-wide rightsizing.

You mean I'll be fired?

Yes.

Hey!

You did that operation on my body and

changed me forever! Take responsibility!

--Stop it!

--I promise I'll be a good husband,

so come live with me!

--I'll explain everything!

--I promise I'll be a good husband,

so come live with me!

It's true that humanity's

current technology

can't get it any farther than the moon.

But Lilith the Dark, one of

the company's three leaders,

is the world's greatest genius scientist!

Behold! This is one of my masterpieces!

It may solve every problem

humanity has, maybe!

Lilith, what is this?

It looks like one of those teleportation

machines you see in movies.

Correct, Six!

You're a moron, but a sharp moron.

And my other masterpiece is

Alice, come here.

Who's the little kid?

Who are you calling a little kid?

Respect your betters, flunky.

You want a fight?

I'm a combat agent for an evil

secret organization, you know!

I won't show any mercy even to a kid!

If you hurt me, the core inside me will

explode and level the whole area.

If that's not a problem, go ahead.

And my official name isn't "little kid."

It's "Kisaragi Company

Pretty Girl Android."

Seriously?

Seriously, indeed.

This is Alice, a high-spec android

created to provide you support.

I've been told you're a moron.

Let me do the thinking once we get there.

Sorry. I don't need this foul-mouthed

and dangerous pile of junk.

If you need any weapons or other items,

send a written request via

this miniature teleporter.

We're giving you two orders.

"Kisaragi"

First, the construction of a base.

Place a teleporter that makes it

possible to go to and from Earth.

And secondly, investigate

the area once you get there.

Your subjects for investigation

are wide-ranging:

local military threats,

resources, soil, anything.

We're hoping that if it goes well,

we can solve both our environmental

and food problems instantly!

Wait, is this actually a big mission

that involves the fate of the Earth?

And so failure isn't allowed.

You're giving me

an important mission like that?

Well, um

I've known you since Kisaragi was founded.

I think of you as one of

the company's Supreme Leaders.

A lot's happened, but I had fun.

We all built this company together.

I don't know what'll happen

when I get there,

but I'll do my best to come back.

You dummy You're supposed to

promise that you'll come back.

And send us a report once a week.

Let me know that you're doing well.

Astaroth Can I hug you before I go?

Why not give her a kiss?

I can? I can, right?

Kiss!

Of course not!

Yes, it's obvious that you two

aren't getting anywhere,

so let's just send you off.

I'm going. I'm going, okay?

It's like, well, I'm basically

Kisaragi's representative.

Something like that?

Astaroth rolled the dice to deci--

Begin, Lilith!

Roger!

Beginning teleportation preparations!

I'm kind of nervous.

Why so scared, flunky?

Even if it fails, what's the problem

if there's a backup?

Hey, humans can't save

and load like you can.

Stop it.

I'm not worried, though.

Lilith the genius scientist

would never fail.

Lilith, what's the success rate

for teleportation?

How many times have you tested it?

As of now, the experiment

success rate is 100%.

I won't tell you how many

times we've tested it.

Don't tell me it's in the single digits

Listen to me carefully, Agent Six.

If I experimented a lot and one failed

Yes! The success rate

would cease to be 100%!

Sorry, I'm quitting

this mission after all.

I believe that you'll come home!

Now, go!

Wait!

You're not a genius scientist

at all, are you?

--This is just a pile of junk, isn't it?

--I'll be waiting for good news.

--This is just a pile of junk, isn't it?

Now go, Agent Six!

Damn it all! You'll regret this

when I get back, girl!

"Episode 1

'Spies Will Be Dispatched!'"

She's an idiot!

I knew that girl was an idiot!

A great big idiot!

There's about 30,000 meters

to the surface.

You're high-spec, right Alice?

You can transform into

a jet or something, right?

Right?

The only function I have is

a self-destruction function.

Piece of junk!

Every bad guy needs

a self-destruct somewhere.

Here, have a parachute.

Don't mess up the landing,

or I'll blow up and level the whole area.

It's risky just to go on

a walk with you, isn't it?

Look!

That looks like a town.

Forget about building a safe base!

We'll put the teleporter together

and head back!

And I'll get that scientist girl

to let me play with her t*ts until I

forgive her for almost k*lling me!

You can't build it somewhere like here.

It's an incredibly delicate device.

And it's going to take about a month

for the phase space to stabilize.

You won't be able to do it right now.

A month? What the hell?

Again! They set me up again!

What was that for?

I injected you with nanomachines that

strengthen your immune system and

protect you from unknown diseases.

I don't know what your problem is,

but we found what looks like a town.

That's extremely promising.

Let's start by going there.

Wait--

We chose a planet that's

as close to Earth as possible,

so the odds are good that you

h*m* sapiens are running the place.

I don't feel like walking.

Let's have them send us

a transport buggy or something.

They said to use this if we

needed something, right?

Six, how many Evil Points do you have?

About 300, I think.

300?

That's not enough for the two of us

to conquer that fortress city.

I won't allow it.

Wait, we need to use Evil Points

to get things sent to us?

I spent a lot of time doing

low-level evil stuff to earn those!

How stupid are you?

Evil Points aren't a bonus

that you're happy to get.

All of Kisaragi's employees

were implanted with chips in their brain

during the operations they got.

The chips detect any

evil acts they perform,

and give an appropriate number

of points depending on the action.

You got Evil Points!

Don't insult me, rust-heap! I know that!

So what do you use your points for, then?

You're supposed to trade them for

higher-quality equipment

to make yourself stronger.

You probably trade them for porn mags

that you call "necessary materials."

But you'll never get promoted like that.

Why are you talking like you've

known me my whole life?

And instead of being stingy, they

should just send us the latest stuff!

Then I, the great Agent Six,

would be able to take down anyone

Liar!

You said this was an Earth-like planet!

These things don't exist on Earth!

There's a lot of them. Don't miss.

Hey, you're a robot, why are you

using a human as a shield?

I'm a high-spec android,

and in order to be more realistic,

I've been given the combat powers

of a normal girl my age.

You useless rust-heap!

It's going to eat me!

I can't believe it! It's as strong as me!

Oh? It's as strong as an agent who's been

given surgery and a combat suit, huh?

The life forms on this planet

are not to be underestimated.

Hey, stop sitting there analyzing

things and help me with a plan!

I'm a rust-heap so I can't think of

anything. Sorry, I'm useless, Agent Six!

Help me! Please!

I take back what I said

about you being a rust-heap.

Then use your Evil Points

to give me a shotgun.

Then I'll help you.

Fine! Hurry up!

"Shotgun"

"Shotgun"

Hell yes!

"What are you doing there!"

"Answer me!

What are you doing in my country."

"Answer me!"

What do we do?

"Why won't you speak!"

What do we do?

"Why won't you speak!"

Wait. Let's hear her talk a little more.

"What language is that?

I've never seen that armor."

But I don't understand

a word she's saying

"What language is that?

I've never seen that armor."

And you don't have anything

that looks like a weapon.

--Who are you people?

--Hey, Alice.

I may have manifested

a mysterious power

For some reason,

I'm able to understand her.

I'm already a total badass!

What happens if I get even more powers?

I don't know what you're talking about,

but I'm sending my interpretation

of her language to your brain

via the chip implant.

The chip can do things like that?

Nobody told me! That's really scary!

Anyway, leave it to me.

I can explain, miss knight!

Please, quell your anger.

He was a man of high position

in a far-away country.

He led a unit of soldiers and

fought to protect the people.

But

When he saved me from

a terrible, nasty brute,

he was badly wounded and

his mind and heart were broken.

What?

Hey, where'd that crazy

backstory come from?

Listen, Six. You're an idiot.

You'd screw up any story I came up with.

But with this backstory

nobody will wonder

about even the dumbest

questions you ask.

"What Japanese Sounds Like to Snow"

about even the dumbest

questions you ask.

"What Japanese Sounds Like to Snow"

What are you people saying?

I'm sorry.

He gets much calmer when I

speak to him in his home language.

So how'd you get this far

without any luggage?

He's on a journey to find himself,

to heal his mind and soul!

But we were attacked by beasts

in the forest and lost all our things.

I thought you were bandits or something

with a bounty. But you're just travelers.

I'm sorry for being harsh on you,

but it's my job.

Anyway, it's hard to believe you

made it through the Darkwood.

But I guess this explains it.

You're quite strong.

I'm Snow.

The commander of this

country's royal guard.

If you don't have any money,

I can introduce you to a job.

Thank you, Snow!

Of course. My country welcomes you.

It must be fate that brought us together.

"Bring Back Presents!"

I am Snow, Princess Tillis's

personal knight,

and the commander of the royal guard!

Open the gate!

Thank you.

Hey, Snow, what's that?

It looks like a tank to me.

A tank?

You know what this artifact is?

This is an ancient weapon

that once protected our country

from a huge demon beast.

This requires investigation.

We tried putting preservation magic on it,

but a lot of it's rotted away.

Magic?

Yes. But I can't use it.

Only a few have the talent for magic.

The talent for magic

expl*si*n!

This is what you meant by "crazy"?

Just leave him. It's better that way.

Welcome back, Snow.

Good work on your mission.

Who are these two?

Combat Agent Six.

High-Spec Pretty Girl Android,

Alice Kisaragi.

You sure you want to call yourself

"high-spec" and "pretty girl"?

And what the hell is "Combat Agent Six"

supposed to be?

What's your real name?

Both of you, bow!

You're in the presence

of this nation's princess!

Cristoseles Tillis Grace!

Long name.

How rude!

Call me Tillis.

--Lower your head!

--Listen, Alice.

This is a real pretty girl.

--Listen, Alice.

This is a real pretty girl.

--Shut up!

--Listen, Alice.

This is a real pretty girl.

I feel bad, so I'll tell you.

--I'll k*ll you!

--The princess laughed

because you're a moron.

--The princess laughed

because you're a moron.

I see.

You're definitely not from this country.

--Nobody who knew me

would react like that.

--I'll k*ll you!

--Nobody who knew me

would react like that.

Right, Snow?

I'm sorry!

They came through the Darkwood.

Oh, my!

They slew a great number of Deadly Heggs.

So they're strong fighters, at least.

Yes.

I've led tons of combat agents on

deadly missions all over the world.

Agent Six, this country is currently

engaged in w*r with the demons,

and we sorely lack for

knights and commanders.

Demons?

The Demon Lord in the next kingdom

over declared w*r on us without warning.

That's a very sudden plot twist.

What does he want?

Land, probably.

A huge demon beast called the

Sand King turns more of their

country to desert each year.

Many demons are powerful fighters.

We're losing the w*r.

Agent Six, please help our country!

I know you're foreigners,

but can't you watch your mouth?

What if she starts thinking

poorly of me, too!

Please forgive us, Snow!

He may be like this,

but he's a professional fighter!

He'll fight hard for you!

And since you brought us here,

it'll make you look good!

Oh? Was that the plan?

All that stuff about "giving us a job"

and how you'd help us out,

but you were actually desperate

for my strength and my sexy body!

I don't need your body!

I'll just come out and say it.

I like recognition, money,

and glory more than anything!

Hey, Agent Six

You seem like you're the same way.

I'm pretty high up on the org chart here.

If somebody tries to pick on you new guys,

I can use my position as royal guard

commander to crush them.

See? We've got common interests, right?

I'm not like you,

you two-faced woman!

Do you really think you can talk that way

to a royal guard commander?

Snow, what is this?

Oh, this is a legend-class artifact

that can make rain fall.

Every year when we need rain,

a member of the royal family

offers words of prayer to it,

and makes the rain fall.

But it's broken and doesn't work anymore.

Right now we buy water

from other countries.

It's not that bad. I think I can fix it.

Really?

Can I open it up?

Go ahead!

--Why are you carrying

something like that?

--Even if it doesn't work,

I'll take full responsibility.

Well? Can you fix it?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay! I'll go tell everybody!

Hey, Alice! Six!

We all share the glory, right?

Please!

Share? She didn't do a thing.

Nor did you, actually.

Okay, that should do it.

Now we just need to reboot it.

Initiating reboot.

A password reset is required.

The password

Reboot complete.

Reset the password.

d*ck Festival!

Password set to "d*ck Festival."

What did you just do?

Listen, Alice.

The royal family has to say this in

front of the whole country, right?

Di

d*ck

Every time it happens,

I get to see her be embarrassed,

and win lots of Evil Points!

Listen, Tillis isn't the only

member of the royal family.

d*ck Festival!

You're going to see a king, a grown man,

shout a password that sounds

like a 7-year-old came up with it.

What should I do? I feel like

I just made a big mistake.

Agent Six, what mistake would that be?

You earned Evil Points!

Whisper, whisper, whisper.

How terribly indecent

Alice, that guy's got a beard

that would make Santa jealous.

If I asked to touch it would he get mad?

Quiet! You're in the presence of the king!

Agent Six. I fail to understand why you

would do something so stupid.

But I will forgive you

because you repaired the artifact.

--Now, begone from my sight--

--Wait, Father.

--Now, begone from my sight--

I'd like to hire him personally.

But

Princess Tillis, it's dangerous to trust

someone we know nothing about!

We can't afford to lose

their strength or wisdom.

Father, is it all right?

Is that a good idea?

If you say it is, Tillis, I'm sure it is.

Agent Six, it looks like that princess

is the one actually running the country.

The king feels like a loser

with daughter issues.

I see. So we suck up to Tillis.

Leave it to me.

Shut up!

Now that I have my father's permission,

you'll be working for me, Agent Six.

Well, I can't turn down

a request from a princess!

I-I'm not helping you because

you're a pretty girl, right?

You're a bad actor and

that was creepy as hell.

Tillis, please reconsider!

After what they did to that artifact,

I think they might be spies!

Which means you're the traitor

that let a spy into the country?

Me? A traitor?

Everybody knows that there's nobody

as loyal to Princess Tillis as me!

I'll strike you down right here with my

sword, the burning blade Flame Zapper!

I got a job working for the princess.

Is it okay for you to k*ll me?

You have something else

you have to do, right?

Something else?

"I'll take full responsibility."

That's what you said, right?

Which means

As of today, Combat Agent Six is now an

honorable knight of the kingdom of Grace.

You'll lead one of our interceptor groups.

What, I'm not guarding the princess?

That was my superior's decision.

And I'm going to serve as

your unit's executive officer,

and your personal assistant.

But I don't think of you as my leader

and don't trust you at all.

If you're planning something,

you'd better give it up now!

Aren't you embarrassed, yelling at me

just because you were made to take

responsibility and then demoted?

Eww!

--Eww!

--I wasn't demoted!

That's right! You're suspicious

and my job is to watch you!

I'm sure you're the only one

who thinks that.

Of course. That "artifact" thing

was a national treasure, right?

Normally, the penalty would be death.

It's pathetic how you have

to keep lying to yourself.

Alice?

Why are you talking to me like that?

Because you've been mouthing off

to your superior, Agent Six.

You failure! Miser!

Y-You two!

"Conference In Progress"

I'm so jealous of Agent Six.

I should've loaded the dice

so my number would come up.

A one or two was Astaroth.

Three or four was me.

Five was Lilith.

And six was Agent Six!

We had to give the job

to somebody we could trust

But we still picked who went

with a dice roll.

Somebody didn't like it at all

when Six's number came up.

"Next time:

'Annihilate Your Business

Rivals! Look forward to it!'"

It's an important mission!

"Next time:

'Annihilate Your Business

Rivals! Look forward to it!'"

Agent Six is the least powerful of us.

"Next time:

'Annihilate Your Business

Rivals! Look forward to it!'"

It's natural to be worried, right?

But if he succeeds he gets promoted

to Supreme Leader, right?

Maybe the four of us

can form an Elite Four!

Yeah.

I hope Agent Six works hard.

And

I hope he reports in soon.