-[dog barks]
-[cat meows]
[musical tone]
[vintage film projector
countdown beep]
["When U Love Somebody"
by Fruit Bats playing]
Baby
Remember on the bus
And my hand was
on your knee
When you love somebody
It's hard to think about
Anything but to breathe
Baby
I am the cub
Who was washed out
in the flood
When you love somebody
Bite your tongue
All you get
is a mouthful of blood
-[dramatic thud]
-[song stops abruptly]
[man] Congratulations.
You did it.
Today is the day
we dissolve this beautiful
but failed marriage.
You're starting a new chapter.
Together.
Well, not together...
Apart. [chuckles]
I am just so...
proud
of you guys for arriving,
at this place,
peacefully in mediation.
It's just wonderful.
But even under
the best of circumstances,
divorce is still...
one of the most
traumatic experiences
you will ever go through.
It's a death, really.
It's not just the end
of this couple,
it's the end of this family.
I mean, think of all
the things you'll miss.
With shared custody,
you might not be there
the first time
your daughter rides a bike.
Her first date,
her first time
mounting a horse.
My girl rides. [slurps]
And then you are destined
to have to share your child
with another woman.
Or another man.
Of course,
that could be possible.
Or a woman.
Or you know,
maybe you are bi.
Bi-curious, pan.
I'm not here to judge
I'm, you know...
I'm here to avoid a judge.
[taps table]
Fascinating guy.
Ugh.
When did you start
smoking again?
When we started divorcing.
-[lighter clicking]
-f*ck. I cannot.
-You just...
-What?
Here, it's better than you
drinking again, I guess.
-Well, I'm not doing that.
-Good.
Thank you.
I don't smoke
-in front of Lucy, by the way.
-You're welcome.
-Good.
-Because I know you're already
going to be like,
-"Don't smoke
in front of Lucy." I don't.
-Yeah. Don't.
-I don't.
-Also, don't smoke
in front of any men,
if you're looking to get
a date or a boyfriend,
because it's gross.
-You dated me.
-How'd that turn out?
Sorry.
Um, I'm just gonna mention
that on Sara's YouTube channel
there are some really good
deep breathing exercises.
Uh, breath, relaxation,
stress relief.
-Maybe instead of that?
-Oh, your new girlfriend
has a YouTube channel
to help me breathe?
-Yup.
-[inhales deeply]
I am breathing.
[exhales deeply]
Very deeply.
Okay.
I f*cking hate this.
[sighs] f*ck!
[exhales]
["Something's Wrong, Right?" by
True Jackson playing]
Made up my mind
Wasted my time on you
What did I do?
You wasted my worth
You're sweet
but I'm hurting, too
This isn't best
for me or you
[phone notification]
But I know I'm worth it
Worth more than him
[sniffles]
But not...
["Serena Downtown"
by Illusion Hills playing]
I'm trying
to see your face
Get your head out yo phone
I'm trying
to see your face
I pull up in a--
And I pick you up at
We go kick it like--
Then we do it all again
What you do this weekend
You lie
and say you sleeping
Girl, why you tweaking
You know you wanna
be with me
Get your head out yo phone
I'm trying
to see your face...
["Willy was a Whale"
by Justin Roberts playing]
[Lauren] Hey, sweetie.
What are you working on?
It's a list for you.
-For me?
-Yep.
What is it?
"If you're not this,
then never mind"?
What-- What is this?
Requirements
for your new boyfriend.
-My new boyfriend?
-Yeah.
Sara says if you want
something,
you have to be really clear
with your intentions
in order to manifest them.
Oh, okay.
And I really want you
-to have a boyfriend.
-[scoffs] Why?
Because I don't want you
to be alone.
I'm not going to be alone.
I have you.
I know, but I won't be here
all the time now,
and I want to make sure
you have someone.
-Okay.
-He has to like cats and dogs.
Mm-hmm. Wait, that...
that could be hard.
Cats and dogs?
Has to be both.
That's a deal-breaker.
-[doorbell]
-Okay, but they don't
always like each other.
Hey. Oh.
Oh.
[laughs]
-Hey, Kate.
-[laughing] Hey.
[Lucy] Look what
I'm making for my mom.
It's the stuff my mom's
new boyfriend has to have.
It's an intentions list.
If you want something,
you have to see it really
clearly first.
Cool. Well, will you make me one
to take to grad school?
But I don't want you to go.
Sweetie, I'm gonna come back
every summer, I promise.
[sighs] I hate that everybody
has to leave.
That's--
That's definitely true.
That happens
when you get older.
But the cool thing is,
they always come back.
-Oh, yay, macaroni!
-Oh, yay!
Well, I guess
I'll, um, go get ready.
Oh, please. Go have fun,
because we're gonna
have a lot of fun, right?
-[Lucy] Yeah.
-[mouthing]
You hold all the power
in the universe.
This is good news.
Because that means
you create your reality.
Are you kidding me?
-[phone rings]
-It's on you.
Oh.
[beep]
Hi.
Uh-oh. What's wrong?
I was just stalking my
ex's girlfriend on YouTube.
That's a good idea.
Why are you
torturing yourself?
You know, I just thought
I'd make this day even better.
Anyone whose job title
is "influencer"
needs to be shot
right between the eyes.
Lucy loves her.
That's bullshit. She loves you.
Right now, that...
What is her name?
Who cares?
-Sara.
-She's a shiny object, right?
She's gonna hate her eventually
like the rest of us.
Well, I don't want her
to hate her.
See, I know you. You've got
to get your anger out,
'cause otherwise, you're
gonna bottle it up inside
and start doing
some crazy sh*t.
Crazy sh*t like starting
an acting class
the day I signed
my divorce papers,
like that crazy sh*t?
See, now, that is not crazy.
That is you, like,
having a fresh start.
That's you going back to doing
something that you loved
before you started adulting
and being a mommy
and all that.
You used to be
a pretty good actor.
Remember how great
you were in Fiddler?
That was in high school.
I don't know.
Miss Verona was like,
"Oh, my God, you're the best
actor we've ever seen."
And you were like--
[vocalizing]
Stop. [laughs]
I knew that would
get you laughing.
I love you.
Thank you.
I love you.
Ride or die.
Ride or die.
[people crying]
[Jonah] Why?
Damn it!
[wailing]
[sobbing]
Wonderful!, wonderful!
Thank you. Yes.
Do not get up.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
-You need...
-[dog whines]
...to listen.
Listen.
Bad listening
is bad acting.
I will not have it.
I just won't
waste my time.
Mm.
I was just...
One thing I can't stand,
soft touch.
-Okay.
-Uh-huh.
You want my attention?
Better grab me, okay?
Pull me by the hair.
Yank it!
Ram your tongue
down my throat.
-Huh.
-Now, I'm aroused.
Yes. What is your question?
I'm just...
I think I'm in the...
I signed up for
On-Camera Commercial.
That is correct.
Oh. Okay.
I just...
I'm sorry, with all the crying
and everything...
[Liz] Hm.
What's your name?
Lauren.
Lauren the new girl.
That's right.
Who wants to tell Lauren
why we cry
in a commercial
acting class, huh?
No one.
Shocking.
If you can't act
for 30 or 60 seconds,
you can't act at all.
Crying forces openness
and vulnerability.
And openness and vulnerability
make you a better actor.
If you can give me
a fully realized
performance in 30 seconds...
[grunts] ...that is good
f*cking acting!
[dog whining]
Kiki. Poor baby,
you had to go potty.
Patrick, clean that sh*t up
and light a candle.
I've paired you up for
Blue Surge by Rebecca Gilman.
One of you will be The Guy.
One of you will be
The prost*tute.
But feel free
to choose your roles
regardless of gender
or sex-work experience.
-[snorts]
-Sex work is not a joke.
Go, move. Look at the list.
-[upbeat music starts]
-Check out your partner.
Take a ten-minute break.
[mouths]
-Thank you.
-Yeah, anytime.
I don't usually smoke,
but that was, like, so intense.
Oh, Liz is amazing.
How do you have
such gorgeous skin and smoke?
[chuckles] Good genes.
My mom's, like, 50 and looks 30.
Your mom is 50?
-Yeah.
-Wow.
Oh, my God.
Is that a cushion cut?
I forgot to take these off.
I, um,
signed
my divorce papers today.
-I got divorced, too!
-Aw.
I still have anxiety attacks.
I read it takes six years
to feel normal again,
and I'm only
halfway through my fifth.
-[laughs]
-Yay.
-Six years, huh.
-[Mark] Yeah.
But the pain is great
for the craft, you know?
Yeah, no. The crying
was, like, really good in there.
-It was great.
-[Lauren] Yeah.
-[whimpering] Thank you.
-Can I take a picture?
-Sorry.
-No, no, I'm finished.
-[Maria] Can I take
a picture of this?
-[Lauren] Sure.
My fiance got me this one.
-[exhales]
-I'm not really crazy about it,
but the setting of yours
is perfect.
You're engaged?
Yeah, wedding
is coming up soon.
-[Maria laughs]
-That's so exciting.
-I guess.
-You want it?
-Yeah.
-Don't take it, it's cursed.
I guess I'll, um...
take these off.
Okay, guys. Break's over.
Let's get back in there.
[Sean] Mm-hmm.
Um, Lauren?
-Yeah.
-Uh...
Here's my number.
Oh, I don't know if I'm...
Oh, no, no, no.
Uh, for rehearsing.
-[laughs] Yeah,
of course, sorry.
-Yeah, yeah.
That was stupid.
I'm so, so, sorry.
No, no, no, it's all right.
[mouths]
[upbeat music]
[Sean] Hey.
-Hi.
-Hi.
[gasps]
-Sorry.
-Oop.
Hi.
You know, you can
take your shoes off.
Keep it Japanese.
[laughs]
Okay.
Oh, this is so cute.
-Nice.
-Thanks.
Can I-- Can I get you
anything to drink?
A beer, wine...
tequila?
Do you have anything, um...
non-alcoholic?
I got tap water.
Great, with ice?
I hate filling up
those ice trays.
Okay. Yeah, water is great.
Just regular.
Thanks.
Yeah, I got to slim back
myself, you know.
It's not keto-friendly
in the calories.
-I think that...
-Oh, okay.
-...you're doing fine with that.
-[Sean laughing]
Uh, hey, can you pass
that little basketball,
little fidget?
-This, this?
-Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
-Nice, thanks.
-Oh, wait.
That's one of those, like,
exercise things.
I've always wanted
one of these. They're so nice.
Yeah, a national spot
paid for it.
-Whoa. You have a national?
-I do.
Wow. Wait, wait.
Why are you in class?
Mm.
I'm just brushing up.
I haven't booked in a while.
I had to move all my stuff
in here
and rent out my bedroom
to my buddy Dylan.
But it's... it's fine.
We get along. It's chill.
I was thinking that...
you should play Kurt,
and I should play Sandy.
You know, Liz loves when you
switch up the gender roles.
-Um...
-Do you have your sides?
Is that the script?
-The script.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I brought it.
Um...
-I brought my sides.
-Yeah, okay
Um...
No, yeah. No, no, no.
I don't think I can--
I don't think we can do that,
'cause Curt has the monologue,
and I don't think
I can do a monologue.
No, no, no, you can.
You totally can.
No, I literally, like, just...
-I haven't done this in so long.
-No, please.
Lauren, I will...
I'll help you through it.
It'll be fun.
It'll be a good time.
All right. Let's go.
You ready?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
[clears throat]
"I can't believe
how nice you are to me.
Why are you so nice to me?"
"I don't know.
I'm 36 years old. I...
shouldn't have even
talked to you.
I just felt we had
something in common."
"But we do."
Um...
"But I never should have
expected so much from you."
"That is the meanest thing
anybody's ever said to me."
"Sandy, no, no, no, no.
I'm sorry. Please, don't go."
You didn't say
that you'd quit or anything.
I just had it in my head that...
maybe you would. I...
thought maybe things
could be different...
for you.
Not for me, but...
for you.
I don't know. I don't know.
I've been asking myself
all week
why I'm with you, and...
I still don't know.
-[applause]
-[Maria laughs]
[Maria laughs]
[laughs]
Stop it.
Mm.
Did you read the play?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You said that we could
play either part.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Mm-hmm.
But that is not the problem.
Had you read the play,
I mean...
really read it...
you would know
that the tension rests
on their inability
to be together.
They may want it...
mm, but they can't have it.
You can't have it.
They never crossed that line!
You can act your asses off.
But if you are not
serving the text,
you are serving your ego.
I'd rather watch
Kiki take a sh*t.
-At least it's honest.
-Mm.
You need to go home tonight
and work on this
while it's still fresh.
You can run it again
next week.
Love to get
those five minutes back.
Who's next?
Me.
Let's see what you got.
[exhales]
-[dog whines]
-[crunches mint]
Wow. Okay.
Should we just, like, start
from the top or something?
-Yeah. Let's go.
-Okay.
I can't believe
how nice you are to me.
Why are you so nice to me?
I don't know.
I'm such an idiot.
[clears throat]
I like you so--
Okay.
I'm-- I'm so sorry
about earlier.
I was just...
I was really
in the moment,
and it felt right to kiss you.
Yeah.
-Yeah, okay.
-Was-- Was that okay?
I realized I did not ask,
-and I should have asked.
-Yeah, no...
-Okay.
-It was, um...
-Okay.
-No, It was mutual.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
Consent.
Okay.
Well, you were so incredible
in there. Really.
Really?
Thanks. I mean, so were you.
Really. You're so good.
Thanks.
You're also a really
good kisser.
I am?
-Yes, you are.
-[giggles]
So are you.
[moaning, panting]
Should we get on the bed?
-Yes.
-Yeah.
-Where is it?
-Okay.
You're sittin' on it.
Oh, you mean, this is--?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-It's a thing.
-A fold, fold, what... fold out.
-Yeah, all right, okay.
-Do you want me to help you?
-No, no, nope, you're fine.
-Are you sure?
-Yep, you're totally all right.
Okay.
Um, do you mind
if I just like...
-No please, please, please.
-Like lights.
Thanks.
[nervous laugh] Okay.
Oh... Uh...
-Great.
-All right.
-Maybe just, uh...
-Yeah, get comfy.
-Okay.
-All right.
-Very... okay.
-Come here.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
-[laughs] Okay, okay.
-Just come here.
[kissing]
Just getting right to it.
[nervous laugh] Sorry.
-Doing it, okay.
-I just wanna...
-Yup, yup.
-Okay.
Wow, these are so tight.
-What, what?
-I'm sorry.
-I'm not used
to skinny jeans on guys.
-Okay.
-Are you making fun
of my jeans?
-Are these Jeggings?
Are you making fun
of my jeans?
No, I'm serious.
They're so tight.
Are you making fun of 'em?
Are you making fun
of my jeans?
-[laughing] Stop, stop it.
-No, what's going on?
-You ticklish?
-Stop!
Are you--
You okay?
I peed.
-You-- You what?
-I peed. I peed. I peed.
-Oh. Okay.
-I'm so sorry.
No, no, it's not okay.
It's, like, a thing.
When you have a baby,
sometimes, like,
when you laugh really hard
there's leakage,
and I just like, I leaked.
It's just that--
Oh, my God. It's a lot.
I'm so sorry. I...
um, sh*t.
Sorry. Let me just try
to clean it up with a...
with the thing...
-Oh, God, these are wet.
-Maybe that--
No, that's gross.
That's, okay. Um...
Let me get a towel.
I'm just gonna get a towel.
Okay, no, it's...
I will clean this up.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so sorry.
-Uh...
-Sean-y Boy, you got a charger?
Yeah, Dylan.
It's on the desk right there.
Lauren, this is Dylan.
Dylan, this is Lauren.
-Yo.
-This is my script partner.
We were--
we were rehearsing.
Oh.
Seems like a hell of a class.
Oh, it's great, it's great.
It's amazing.
[Dylan] I'll let y'all finish.
Unless you already finished!
-I'm talking about c*m.
-[laughs]
-Gobble-gobble up.
-[Sean] Right on.
-[Dylan] Lates.
-[Sean] Later.
[Lauren exhales]
[sighs]
I gotta go.
-What?
-I'm so sorry.
-Oh, my God.
-Are you sure?
You're welcome
to spend the night.
-No, no, I'm good.
-It's no big deal.
No, no, it's good.
It's fine, I'm fine.
I'm just gonna--
I'm just gonna go home.
I'm really sorry about that.
I can, um...
-get you a new couch.
-No.
A bed. Whatever... pull out.
And just, uh...
Whoo!
That was pretty wild.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
I didn't realize
your roommate was a girl.
I mean you, said Dylan and...
-Not that it matters.
-Please no, no.
I have people
stay over all the time.
-Ah.
-It's really no big deal.
-Oh, great.
-No, no, no. Not like that.
-You know what I mean.
-I really don't.
That's the problem.
I'm a mom, and...
I don't do
this kind of stuff, and...
like, I don't have, like,
roommates, and like...
I have my own chargers.
I have a lot of chargers,
and they're mine,
and I don't--
No one borrows them...
-I mean, so...
-Yeah.
I don't actually know, so...
-Lauren? Lauren?
-Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
-Lauren?
-Yeah!
Yeah.
-Just before you go...
-Yeah!
There's no pressure at all.
-Okay?
-Yeah.
I just--
I want you to know
that I think that
you're awesome.
-Oh. Yeah.
-Okay?
And I love hanging out with you
and just acting with you.
-Yeah. Thanks.
-So...
leave with that.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Yeah, okay. Bye.
All right. Okay.
All right.
[Julie]
Are you crazy?
Why did you leave?
[whispering]
I literally peed in his bed.
Yeah, he probably loved it.
He's probably got his face
in your pee right now...
-[inhales] ...whacking off.
-You're so disgusting.
Why? Let the fluids
f*cking fly.
No, his roommate saw me
in my underwear.
I mean, have you never heard
of a threesome?
It was a girl. Okay.
-It was a girl.
-What?
A girl?
-That's even better.
-Yeah, for you.
Sorry, I don't swing
both ways.
That's your loss.
Yes, well, fine.
-A lot more options.
-Okay.
It was so weird.
I haven't been
with another man in, like,
over a decade.
I don't even know if this guy
qualifies as a man.
I mean, he is so, so young.
He had snapback hats
as wall art.
Great. I like this.
I like that he is using art.
He's wearing--
He's wearing his art.
He's eco-friendly.
He's an environmentalist.
-I don't see a problem here.
-What's the problem...
-Do you remember Mrs. Roper?
-Yes, of course.
The most disgusting horny
old lady in a kaftan?
I love Mrs. Rop--
Don't do that, okay?
Stop. f*ck, this is
the f*cking patriarchy.
Tom Cruise is, like, 70,
and he's with a 25-year-old
-f*cking woman, doing...
-He's not 70.
Whatever. He's cl--
But we--
We can't?
We're not allowed?
If you're still flowing,
you can do
whatever the f*ck you want.
Oh, my God, stop.
[loudly] No, hey, look.
f*ck the patriarchy!
I was just--
I mean, this house is--
-Um, it's a year lease and...
-How long is the lease?
Oh, my God.
What about the schools?
-How are the schools?
-They're gone.
-Oh.
-Okay, they're gone.
-Schools are gone.
-You cannot visit me
at work anymore.
[instrumental music]
-Maybe I'm just not funny.
-[Maria] What?
[Patrick] Well, that's
certainly not true.
I know that you're funny.
What you need
is more time to play.
Like, you should come with me
to UCB sometime.
You know,
we need more women.
Oh, yeah, do we?
Why do you think
we need more women?
In improv?
'Cause men don't want
to f*ck funny women.
That is--
I f*ck funny women
all the time.
Jonah, you would
literally f*ck mud.
This is not a conversation
for you to be a part of.
Improv is not, like,
a sexy thing.
It's not. I mean, sh*t.
I was f*cking this guy
last weekend,
and it's really great,
it was hot, and he's like...
"Oh, you want to do it
doggy style?"
And I was like "Yes, and..."
and nothing!
f*cking b*ner k*ller!
Oh, my God!
Lauren!
-[Lauren] Sorry. I'm so sorry.
-Jesus!
Okay, Lauren is not threatened
by funny women.
I guess she thinks
they deserve to be punished.
I'm so sorry.
-My God.
-I'm so sorry.
You know what we should do,
on that note,
"guys versus girls celebrity."
-Yes!
-Yeah, yeah.
-[cheering]
-["Came to Win"
by Micki Ronnae playing]
I play for keeps
and you know I came to win...
Three words.
Yeah, you know
I came to win
I play for keeps
and you know I came to win
Yeah, you know
I came to win
I play for keeps
and you know I came to win
Yeah, you know
I came to win
I play for keeps
and you know I came to win
Yeah, you know
I came to win
I call the shots
and I rock my competitors
Stuck in the past
I outlast, I'm head of ya...
[cheering]
-...how to light the fire.
-Oh!
[Lauren] This is so not me.
I'm usually in bed at, like,
nine o'clock.
I've just completely changed
with this class.
And I have to, like,
have an open house
at, like, 8:00 a.m., I think.
What, is that,
like, five hours?
So lucky though that you have
this, like, flexible job.
It allows you to audition
whenever you want.
I'm jealous.
Yeah, all those auditions...
I've never had an audition.
All right.
What do you mean?
Uh, I've never had
an audition.
What do you mean
you've never had an audition?
I mean, I had one
in high school,
-but does that count?
-No...
No, it doesn't count.
What do you mean?
That's-- That's impossible.
Listen to me, Lo...
-You are remarkable.
-What's "Lo"?
Lo, it's how
they shorten "Lauren."
-Oh, I like that.
-Yeah.
Do you, like, have
headshots or something? Or...
I have like those, like,
work pics that you need
-when you're a realtor.
-Like the LinkedIn thing?
-That's so hot.
-Yes.
Yeah, LinkedIn is really hot.
Okay, so...
you're gonna give me a couple.
You're gonna, like, print them
old school, the headshots,
then I'm gonna walk them
into Offsite Casting
the next time I'm there.
-Are you serious?
-Yes. I'm like...
Don't tell them,
I'm like an Offsite...
darling.
I'm not surprised.
[laughing]
They do. They love me.
-Oh, my God.
-No.
I want what's best for you,
seriously.
Gosh, that is so sweet.
I love you, too.
I love this whole class.
I'm so glad I did this.
Oh, my God, wait.
Wait!
I have an idea!
[squeals]
I want you all in my wedding!
And I love you so much!
[screaming]
-Hug me, hug me, hug me!
-[all exclaiming]
So excited!
Hug me, hug me, ahh!
[all cheering]
I'm so excited!
-I'm gonna look so pretty!
-Yes, you are!
[indistinct conversation]
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I just...
thought I should get going.
It's so late.
I just kind of noticed
things kind of went south
after the...
wedding was brought up.
You are so... sweet.
I... just... Yeah,
it was like, I mean...
I'm so happy for her, I just
don't really know if a wedding
is a great idea
for me right now.
Um, I mean, I'll be there...
with you.
-Oh, you will?
-Yeah, promise.
You'll be with me
the whole time?
Promise.
Okay, pinky promise?
I didn't know we were gonna
get that serious,
but, yeah, pinky promise.
Okay.
[Lauren] Why did I say okay?
Because a total smoke-show
invited you to go.
[Lauren] It's a whole weekend
of outfits,
and I hate everything I own.
What'd you tell Chase?
Just told him
I was going to a wedding.
Now, he's taking Lucy
with Sara
to his mom's house
for the weekend.
-What?
-Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Men are so pathetic.
They can't be alone
for one second.
Is this closed?
I mean, no.
That, what did you...
I think I remember
you wearing that
to the eighth grade dance.
-Shut up.
-What are you doing?
-Get me another one.
-Gross.
-Here. Try something else.
-Just give me something else.
-Put this on.
-Thank you. Okay.
[phone chimes]
Oh, Sean.
Speak of the devil.
[imitating Sean] "Hey, Queen,
wanna carpool?
-I got a sweet ride."
-Wait, what?
[imitating Lauren] "Jesus, yes.
Yes, let's do that."
-What are you doing?
-Thank you.
No, no, no, no, no, f*ck.
-I'm saying yes for you.
-No!
I cannot.
I need to bring my own car.
-Why?
-Because I need
to be able to leave.
Actually, I get that.
-Can you help me with this?
-Let me help.
Oh.
-This ain't bad, right?
-I'm okay with this.
-It's comfortable.
-[phone chimes]
Pretty comfortable.
You look hot.
[imitating Sean]
"Whoa, no presh.
I'm here
if you change your mind.
And sidebar,
I'd go down on you
in the bathroom
if you want to.
You pee wherever you like.
You just go and pee
right in the toilet..."
-Hey, that's not funny.
-"...while I'm going
down on you."
That's not funny.
-Okay.
-You look hot.
-Is this too much?
-God, are you kidding?
That's no such thing.
I found this in the closet,
and it's almost
the exact same color
Are you going
to a quinceanera?
I mean, what are you doing?
Okay, Blanche DuBois,
get that off. Get it off.
Do you have your toothbrush?
-Yep.
-And, um, sunscreen?
Yeah.
[deep exhale]
Ready?
Okay, here we go.
-Hi.
-Sara!
Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
-I'm so happy to see you.
-Here.
[Lucy] Me, too.
-Do you want it, or...?
-Thank you.
We're going to have
so much fun.
Hey, beautiful lady.
Hi.
Mmm.
Okay. Hi.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Wait, Lucy!
-Did you forget something?
-What?
-I need a hug.
-Oh.
Yeah, thank you.
-Have fun, okay?
-Okay.
Say hi to Grandma.
[Sara] I got you some crafts.
Come on in...
Wow!
All this from YouTube videos.
Yeah, a sponsorship.
She's very, very good at it.
-Impressive, right?
-Oh, yeah, very impressive.
Lauren!
[exhales]
-Lauren.
-Yeah?
Yeah, are you
forgetting anything?
-I don't know.
-I need to know
where you're going and, like,
the name of the hotel, in case
of emergency or something.
We're co-parenting now,
so just hit me up.
Um, well, I'm going
to Palm Springs.
I'm going to be gone
for the weekend.
I will send you... of the hotel
when I get home.
Okay.
Um, how are ya gettin' there?
I'm driving.
-I mean!
-Oh, God.
-It's not even legal.
-No, hey, this just broke.
I didn't want to make
a deal out of this
but you shouldn't have
driven Lucy in this,
and I don't want you driving
to the desert in it!
I'm not. I'm actually not.
I'm not driving
this car there.
I'm dropping it off
right now at a mechanic's,
because I made
that appointment
for when I'm out of town,
so I can get the car
when I get back. See?
I thought ahead.
I'm going with someone.
Okay.
Ride safely.
[sighs] Will you
say hi to Mom for me?
I mean,
your mom!
[door closes]
[exhales]
[upbeat music]
Thank you,
she can't sleep without it.
No problem.
It is on the way.
-[gate squeaks]
-Oh, God.
-Hey.
-Hey.
So glad I caught that
before I left.
We've been using
the checklist.
They're really helpful,
so you can just...
Hey, thank you so much
for coming back,
but I told him
you didn't have to.
I have plenty of ashwagandha.
I don't know what that is.
Oh, it's a natural
anti-anxiety.
She'll sleep like a baby
with it.
Well, she sleeps
like a baby with that.
That's a natural anti-anxiety.
So...
That's synthetic.
Right, she's gonna
cuddle with it.
She's not gonna eat it.
[Sara] It's still
synthetic, so...
What Sara is saying that
maybe it's time
to replace it
with something else.
Chase, shh...
he's mansplaining.
She loves the bunny.
The bunny loves her.
It doesn't need
to be replaced., it works
perfectly as it is,
and she doesn't need
-an alternative, okay?
-Great. Okay.
Okay, this is a trigger,
I can see.
This is really great.
This is where
the growth happens.
[Sean] Lauren! Babe.
[electric guitar riffs]
[Sean] Yo! How are you? Sean.
Nice to meet you. Chase.
-Hey, Sean.
-[Sara] Hey.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, we're going
to the wedding...
-Party.
-Yeah, we got to go.
Nice to meet you.
Bye.
Thank you.
Yeah, I got you.
["Serena Downtown"
by Illusion Hills playing]
I pull up in a
[both]
And I pick you up at
We go kick it like
Then we do it all again
What you do this weekend
You lie
and say you sleeping
Girl, why you tweaking
You know you
wanna be with me
[Sean] I got you, girl!
Her body language
starts to speaking
But we gotta act decent
Talk 'bout life like
what's the meaning
Your friends are freaking
They want you there...
-[song fades]
-[phone chimes]
Oh.
[Sean] All right.
Wait, what?
-What?
-I...
I got an audition!
Like, a commercial audition
-Like a real audition!
-That's amazing.
-That's huge!
-That, like, Offsite place?
Well, what's it for?
It's like a pharmaceutical.
I don't know.
I've never heard of it.
-Aquoxxi or something?
-Those pay a sh*t ton.
Really?
-Oh, my God.
-[laughing]
Come on!
Come on! Get real!
That's huge!
-Congrats.
-Sorry.
No, no, no, no. You're fine.
I know. I'd be fainting, too.
-[laughing]
-That's big.
292...
-28...
-Did we go the wrong way?
Oh, no. Here.
-Well.
-Cozy.
-Hello.
-Hello.
Right next to each other.
That's so funny.
[laughs]
[door knock]
One sec.
Hey. [laughs]
-How cool is this?
-I know, it's so crazy.
Right? We should
leave these open
and just make it
one big suite, huh?
Okay, yeah. Sure.
Okay.
All right. I'm going
to shower.
All right.
[shower starts running]
Found your little note.
Adjoining rooms.
Mind changed.
[Lauren] Wow! This is where
we're hanging out all weekend?
-Glad you came?
-This is insane!
Are we early?
It's like... I don't see anyone.
Hello?
[blender whirring]
[Sean]
Hey, hello.
Oh.
[laughs] Hi.
Sorry, I didn't hear you
come in.
-I'm Debbie, Maria's mom.
-I'm Sean.
-Hi, Sean.
-Hi, Lauren.
[Debbie] Lauren,
nice to meet you.
-Did you say "mom"?
-Yeah, that's insane!
-I did.
-[Lauren] Wow!
She said you looked 30.
She wasn't lying. [laughs]
I love my daughter.
Well, so do we.
[laughs]
How do you all know Maria?
-We're in her acting class.
-Acting. Yeah.
Oh, wonderful, yeah.
She said she felt
so connected to all of you.
Yes.
The feeling's mutual.
She's great. [chuckles]
Can I get you a drink?
I'm make a mean margarita.
Please.
Salt or no salt?
-I'll take salt.
-Salt, good.
-Love me a salty man.
-[Sean] Yeah.
[chuckles] And how
about you, sweetheart?
You want salt?
No salt?
Um, do you have, like,
a Diet Coke, maybe?
[laughs] Gosh, you actresses.
-Thank you.
-Here you go.
You even old enough to drink?
[laughs]
That's got some kick!
Well, I'm from Texas.
We don't mess around
with our tequila.
Hey.
Where is that IPA
I put in here?
Chuck had to move them
to the garage fridge.
Great.
[Debbie] Dave, these are friends
of Maria's from acting class.
Hey, how are you? I'm Sean.
Nice to meet you, Dave.
-Lauren, hi.
-Hi.
Thank you for having us
in this stunning home.
Thank you. It's not
actually my house anymore.
Deb got it in the divorce.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, please.
We've all moved on.
Some have moved in.
-[chuckles]
-Honey!
Where are we at
with the pitcher of margaritas?
You are my favorite.
Do you want to make out?
-Let's make out?
-[growling]
Hello, I'm, uh, Chuck.
Maria's Staddy.
-Staddy?
-[Chuck] Uh, stepdad.
It's a combination of...
and then ya...
But you underplay it,
so that people
don't make a big deal of it,
and then later,
it registers, so...
David!
Looking good, dude.
Just gonna get the beer
you put out in the garage.
Ah, check the meat drawer.
Pretty sure lower left.
Yeah.
I know
where you put your meat.
The only way out is through.
[door closes]
[Chuck exhales]
[whispers] Am I doing
something wrong? I don't...
Well, that was fun.
Yeah.
[laughs]
Maria is playing pool
with some of her friends
in the room down the hall.
Why don't you take a drink,
say hi.
She'll be happy
to see you.
-Thank you very much.
-Great. Thanks.
Enjoy!
[indistinct chatter]
["Willow" by
Carly Gibert playing]
I hold the seize
every season
Walking overseas
everywhere that I've been on
Got the extra seat
I be resting my feet on
I'm a star, I'm a star
They don't catch up
I might ditch 'em
b*tch, I'm fed up
[cheering]
Everything around me
a set up
-[overlapping chatter]
-Whatever!
Oh, my God!
You made it!
Okay, Lauren, Sean,
from my acting class.
-This is Cher.
-Hi.
-Hey, this is my baby, Aspen.
-[Lauren] Hi.
Well, that's Coco.
[laughs]
The hottie of the hotties.
This is my Person of Honor,
Esther. My person of life.
They go by "they."
Nice to meet they.
-It's just "you."
-What's me?
-No, It's...
-[Sean] It's just "you."
-What's me?
-You could just say "you."
"You" isn't a gendered word.
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
God, I'm a moron.
No, it's really, I love that
you tried something.
It's more than
my mom would do.
Not that you're, uh,
like a mom.
[Lauren] No, I am a mom.
No, no, no, I am.
-You're a MILF.
-She's a mother...
-She's a mother.
-She's a mommy.
How do you guys know each other?
That's my best friend.
We've been best friends
our whole lives.
I have one of those.
Isn't that the greatest?
Wait, have we met before?
Uh, I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure
I would have remembered.
You look very familiar to me.
Yes, because this
is my very hot,
very single,
very almost famous friend
from the constantly running
commercial
Desire Deodorant.
That's it!
The girl with the subway!
-[laughter]
-[overlapping chatter]
Come here
Babe, I'm best
friends with...
-Oh, wow!
From a man
that's not a tease
Okay, he actually
smells really good.
That's so stupid. So dumb.
Do you mind?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
-You got it. You got it.
-Okay, you guys.
Let's do it, let's do it.
Okay, ready?
Can you take a bunch?
It's not like film, you know.
Yeah, just like keep hitting
the button.
And do some in
0.5, do some in 0.5.
Just keep
pressing the button.
[Cher] Do a couple in 0.5.
[Coco] Do 0.5, too.
[group chatter]
["Poppin' Like That"
by Felt playing]
It's impossible to hide
the way we got it like that
Let's change the tempo
Learn to let go
Everything we do
We keep it true, true, true
We're a masterpiece
in a galaxy
Living rhapsody-dy-dy-dy
[music stops abruptly]
-[shrieks]
-Oh, my God!
[Lauren]
Oh sh*t. I'm so sorry.
f*ck! Did you crack it?
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-Did you crack it?
-No, no, no, I think it's--
-Okay, it's fine.
-I'm sorry.
-It's all right.
[awkward chuckle]
Um, I have to pee.
-Which one is the...?
-Um, to the right.
-Okay, great thanks.
-[Maria] Yes.
Thanks, sorry. I'm so sorry.
There's, like, a thousand
hot women out there,
and they're all single,
and they all want Sean,
and I've been here, like,
five minutes.
Well, too bad,
because Sean wants you.
I don't think so,
not really anymore,
now that we've met Coco.
Coco? How old is Coco?
Seriously, she's one
of the hottest girls
I've ever seen in
my entire life.
He clearly prefers
the peri-menopausal p*ssy.
[stifling laughter]
-There she is.
-[groans]
Look, parties always suck
for the first hour or so,
and then, it just gets better.
You're gonna have fun.
-All right, love you.
-They got nothing on you.
-Okay.
-Put it to good use.
Thank you, goodbye.
-Bye.
-Oh, my God.
-[laughs]
-[phone chimes]
What?
[Lauren] "Save Your
Baby Now!" What?
Hello, my darlings.
Today, I want to talk
to you about trauma.
You never know
when a trauma response
is gonna sneak up on you
and try to take you out.
So, today, I want to teach you
a quick little exercise
that you can do
anytime, anywhere,
to keep your
toddler brain in check
and bring your parasympathetic
nervous system back online.
Take a deep breath and put
your arms in cradle position.
So silly.
I know, I know.
You're resisting.
Do it.
Oh, f*cking Christ, fine.
Good, good. Now, look down
and tell your baby-self
that you love her.
I'm waiting.
Okay, okay.
Uh...
I... I... I love you.
And now, I want you to tell
your baby-self
that you are here.
I'm not gonna say this.
It's so stu--
Go ahead.
And I'm here.
[Sara] Beautiful.
And now tell your baby-self
that you will
always, always be here.
And I'm always gonna be here.
[Sara] Good.
I want you to sing her
a gentle lullaby.
[deep breath]
Lullaby and goodnight
[Sara] Good.
And I'll see you tomorrow
Good.
I love you
[whimpering]
Louder.
[loudly]
I love you
[Sara] Yes.
And everything you do
[Sara] Yes, my darling.
I love you
And everything you do
Uh, you okay?
I dropped her.
Who?
Don't you knock?
I knocked a lot.
You didn't answer.
-You okay?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
-Okay.
-I was working on a...
[guests cheering]
...a monologue,
-for my acting class.
-What?
[Lauren] I was rehearsing.
I was rehearsing.
Rehearsing?
Great acoustics in here.
Oh. You wanna rehearse
somewhere else,
so I can take a leak?
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yes.
["Aperol Spritz"
by Claire Nichols playing]
Cherry lip gloss, b*tch
On an Adderall kick
Oh, I know you want me
I know you want me...
I'm getting married.
-Yes, you are.
-[guests laughing]
And it's gonna
be beautiful.
No, I know.
It's going to be perfect.
But I'm, like, spooked.
It just feels like...
What if things go wrong?
Or whatever.
But of course you are.
That's totally normal.
I think it would be weird
if you weren't a little scared.
You're basically signing up
for a lifetime
of hooking up with only
one person. It's terrifying.
[Maria] That's not what
I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the wedding.
Not the actual
marriage itself.
I'm talking about the rain,
and what if it rains tomorrow?
Actually, that's good luck.
-On your wedding day.
-You're sweet.
-Really?
-Everybody knows that.
I don't believe that.
That was a line
from the song my mom likes.
No, no, no.
That's "Isn't It Ironic,"
and it's about irony.
But it's actually not irony.
-Hey.
Do you guys know Justine?
-It's a great song, though.
Of course you know
Justine, my fiancee.
-Hey!
-Um, Adam's got COVID,
so he's not going
to be in the wedding.
-I'm sure he's just hungover.
-No, he didn't. Oh, my...
-I shouldn't have asked him.
-f*ck.
-No!
-[Justine] No, it's fine.
One of-- One of your friends
can just stand in, right?
Oh, I jinxed it!
Babe, it's gonna
be okay.
It's literally not.
It's gonna look weird.
[indistinct chatter]
[Maira] Sean.
The bridesmaids love you.
Yeah, yes, absolutely, yeah.
-I'm down!
-[Maria] Really?
-For sure!
-Yeah?
-I'll do it. For sure.
-[Maria] That's it. Really?
Seriously, thank you.
[laughs]
-[Justine] So much, seriously.
-Of course.
It's gonna to be nice.
I love you.
Um...
-You're gonna walk with Coco.
-[chokes]
-Okay.
-[Maria] And...
it's gonna be
really cool.
You're gonna look
so good together.
Cool.
[Maria] Ah! You're gonna...
[shrieks]
Give me hug! Give me hug!
[laughs]
I can't believe it!
[overlapping chatter]
You figure out
what looks you want.
Yeah, I'm getting nervous now.
What are you gonna wear?
Well, these pants, actually,
I think, would match.
Don't like those.
Can he borrow
your shoes?
Hey.
Sorry. I saw a smoker.
Do you mind
if I bum one?
Yeah, yeah. For sure.
And get under the umbrella.
It's starting to rain.
-[Lauren] Are you sure?
-Yeah.
I don't want
to invade your privacy.
-You're good.
-I really should've
brought my own, but I'm
pretending that I don't smoke.
I'm just happy
there's another smoker here.
I always feel like such
an as*h*le, like, ugh.
I know.
We could be assholes together.
-Okay.
-[laughs]
Huh.
Isn't it funny?
Like, you get hurt,
and the first thing
you wanna to do
is something
that hurts yourself.
b*tch, what?
I'm sorry.
-I'm so sorry.
-Are you okay?
[Lauren laughs]
Sorry.
That was really dark.
-Yeah.
-Sorry.
-A little bit.
-Yeah.
I'm having a day.
Having a day!
-[laughs]
-Okay.
Are you with...
Butch Bride or...
Femme Bride?
Who are you with?
-Femme!
-Hm.
Maria.
-Butch.
-Yes.
You must
be related to Justine.
Yeah. I'm her brother,
actually.
-No.
-Yeah.
Wait, so you're both...?
Yeah, I'm g*y, too.
-[laughs]
-I know. Yeah.
-[laughs]
-Yeah, it happens.
Yeah. That's kind of crazy.
More proof
of the g*y gene thing.
Yeah. True.
I'm also her Best Man.
Man, yeah. Funny.
Wait. But that's fun.
That's so cool.
It's kind of like being,
like, famous a little bit.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-But not Kim famous.
-Right, right.
-Like Kourtney.
-Like Kourtney.
Ah! Shut the f*ck up, b*tch!
-[laughs]
-My God, yes!
My God. I love you.
We should be, like,
besties or something.
Hey. I could use one.
We'll hang out.
Oh, my God.
-What?
-You can be Rupert Everett,
and I can be Julia Roberts.
Who the f*ck
is Rupert Everett?
Oh, my God. Why doesn't anyone
know what anything is?
He's like
the original OG g*y.
O... Okay.
Rupert Everett is the g*y
best friend to Julia Roberts
in My Best Friend's Wedding.
And Julia Roberts
goes to this wedding,
and she, like, almost destroys
the entire wedding,
and he comes at the end
and shows up to save her.
Mm.
All right.
You know, I do love when
Miss Julia serves "c**t," honey.
Oh, my God, no. "c**t" is
like a... like a compliment now.
-It is?
-Yes. It's like, um...
-Jesus, not when I was young.
-"c**t" is like, um...
Like serving sickening,
undeniably,
femme,
and fierce...
You, right now.
-Seriously?
-Yes, ma'am.
-[high-pitched] c**t.
-[imitating] Serving c**t.
-[high-pitched] c**t!
-[imitating] Serving c**t.
-[laughing]
-You know what I mean?
You know what I mean.
Wait. I'm Lauren, by the way.
Hi, I'm Todd.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
[upbeat music]
[overlapping guest chatter]
["Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa
playing]
Ooh, baby, baby
Baby, baby
Ooh, baby, baby
Ba-baby, baby
Ah, push it
Salt-n-Pepa, Salt-n-Pepa,
Salt-n-Pepa
Ooh, baby, baby
Baby, baby
Ooh, baby, baby
Ba-baby, baby
[heavy breathing]
Push it good...
Just give me a second.
Push it real good
Ah, push it
[music stops]
[exhales]
[exhales]
[snoring]
You look so pretty.
Oh, thanks.
I'm, uh, yeah,
I'm going to a wedding.
All dressed up.
Is that gonna be okay for you?
Yeah, no, I'm fine.
I'm just, um...
Just miss my little girl.
Could I maybe say a quick hi?
Oh, sure. I'll go get her.
-Okay.
-[Judy] Luce?
[Lucy]
Grandma, I found a kitten.
-[Judy] It's so cute.
-[meow]
What's going on?
Lucy has found
a stray kitten in the backyard
and Chase just told her
she can take it home with her.
-[Sara] Oh it's so cute.
-Oh, a kitten?
[Chase] Get off the phone
Lucy wants you to see this.
Yeah. Well, um...
That's cool.
[Judy] Listen.
Can we call you back?
I'm not gonna get this kid
away from that kitten.
Okay, yeah.
No, no, of course.
All right. Bye, Sweetheart.
Bye.
You look nice.
Well, so do you.
Thanks.
Can you help me with this?
Oh, yeah,
come over to the mirror.
Was that your mom?
Actually, it was my...
ex mother-in-law.
but we're close. I mean...
We still are.
-Sweet.
-Yeah.
I wanted to say hi to Lucy.
She's with her this
weekend but...
she's too excited
about a new kitten, I guess.
-Oh, that's cute.
-Mm, It's great.
She's never gonna wanna come
to my house again.
What do you mean?
She's gonna wanna go to her
Dad's and be with that kitty.
Well, you could get one too.
No, I can't.
I already have a cat.
A sweet old cranky cat.
She doesn't want
any new friends.
Well, lucky for you,
kittens grow up fast.
Be old and fat in no time.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
-Let's boogie.
-Okay.
[sighs]
[acoustic guitar music]
["Golden Hour"
by Caroline Miller playing]
Daisies in a shot glass
Your hand's there,
it's not bad
Here we are
it's golden hour
All that you can
feel your power...
We use the word Holy Matrimony
to signify the depth
of this lifelong commitment.
The divine promise that
no matter what
you'll be there for each other
for better or for worse.
["Golden Hour" continues]
[song ends]
[jazzy music starts]
[Dave] ...out of your mind ?
[Chuck] Show unity.
It'll be fun.
[Dave] Fun? Toasting my...
only daughter with you
is gonna be fun?
-[Chuck] Why are you angry?
-[Dave] Oh, come on.
[indistinct chatter]
He's not coming.
Gabe is not coming.
-That's just really awkward.
-He's not coming.
That's really awkward.
[indistinct chatter]
[guest] And I like how they
matched
the bow with the tie...
You have such a beautiful
voice...
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Sorry, sorry.
Can you, um,
just get me
a glass of Diet Coke, no ice?
Just keep it coming all night.
-Of course.
-Okay.
My name is Mike
if you need anything else.
Thanks, Mike.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, my God, Mike!
That was so funny!
Sorry, did you need me?
I'm not quite there yet.
Let's just start with
the drink.
-Thanks, Mike.
-You got it.
-[Sean] Hey.
-[woman] Hi.
Jus checking out.
See how you guys are doing.
We're so good.
We're having a blast!
[Tina] You gonna come over
here and slum it
with the rest of us
regular, degular guests?
[laughter]
Way to save the day, Sean.
It was a really beautiful
ceremony.
-I agree. I agree.
-Hey
-Sean.
-Hey.
We need you back
for the wedding party pics.
[Sean] Okay. Okay, cool.
I'll see you guys
in a little bit!
-Yeah.
-Save me a dance.
-[man] Yeah!
-[Sean] All right.
-[man] And look for shots,
my man.
-[man 1] Yeah.
Hello, beautiful.
Before you say anything,
I have a question for you
that might change the trajectory
of both our lives.
Does this seat
have my name on it?
-Are you Rick?
-I am Rick! Hi.
-[Lauren] Hi.
-How are you?
-I'm Lauren.
-No, I know who you are.
Yeah, Marie and Justine
told me all about you.
And your new
Hot to Trot status.
Wow. I haven't heard that
phrase in a minute.
Yeah, Hot to Trot. Well, they
were right about the hot.
And now I'm just curious
about the "twot." The Trot.
You know, the people
want to know, where is--
Show us The Trot.
[laughs, snorts]
I'm kidding, of course.
I'm joking with you.
I like to kid.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
So, um, how do you know
uh, Justine and Maria?
Well, that's
an interesting story.
Maria's parents
hired me for her tenth birthday
when I was just
a up-and-coming magician.
Yeah. And I was just
trying to, you know,
supplement some of my income
to pay the rent.
-So...
-Nice.
Then we became friends
and I became their manny.
-So...
-Oh.
Then cut to ten years later,
I am a professional magician.
-I pay my rent...
-Really?
...with my magic tricks,
-believe it or not.
-Oh, that's really...
That's kind of cool.
Yeah, so I guess now
I'm just the, um--
I guess I'm just
the hot uncle.
I guess so.
So you make a living?
Indeed d-do.
Yes. Yeah.
I work at Castle Magique,
and I headline there
Mondays and Tuesday nights
which tend to be their
popular nights.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Wait, that's the place
on Fairfax, right?
The one and only.
Yeah, I drive by it
all the time.
-Oh, really?
-I've never been.
Really?
Well, it's a very cool,
very private club.
You have to be a member
or know one.
-Wow.
-[laughs]
-And now you do.
-Yeah.
Oh.
Oh. Wow.
That's, um...
That's a great card.
You know,
a lot of people think
magic is a joke.
My guess is...
they haven't experienced
it firsthand.
You have something
behind your ear.
-Hmm?
-Yeah.
[gasps]
Wait, what?
It's a flower.
-Prest-O Change-O.
-That was fun!
That was fun.
I'm gonna do another magic
trick for you.
-Really?
-I'm going to change this guy
into somebody
who's not into you.
Uh, Prest-O Change-O.
It's not working.
My magic's not working.
I'm still into you.
[bell ringing]
Oh, they're doing speeches.
[Esther] Hi. Hi, everybody.
My name is Esther.
I'm Maria's Person of Honor.
-Her VIP, if you will
-[laughter]
I have known Maria
for a very long time.
[soft guitar starts]
She is somebody who has
always understood me,
has never judged me.
And with Maria,
I have never once
needed to explain myself.
[cheers and applause]
I'm not losing a sister.
I'm actually
gaining another one.
One who will let me put
makeup on her face,
finally, right?
[soft music continues]
[speaking Spanish]
[in English] I love you so much,
my baby girl.
And my new baby girl.
And now I want some
new babies.
[cheers and applause]
Okay, first of all,
look at these
beautiful people!
[guest] Oh, no! No!
I had almost accepted the fact
that I would never have
a child of my own.
And now
I'm a bonus dad to two
beautiful girls.
To the brides!
[cheers and applause]
Dave?
[indistinct chatter]
I want to welcome everyone
to what, until very recently,
was my home.
-Oh.
-[Dave] Wait.
I really-- I should've written
something down.
Louder!
-Um...
-[microphone feedback]
You know, marriage
gets a bad rap.
But I'm here to tell you that...
even with a marriage
that doesn't work,
something really beautiful
can come out of it.
And I've been thinking about
the day that I met Maria.
They handed her to me. She's
all wrapped up like a burrito
and she's not crying,
she's like fearless.
And looking up at me with
those huge, gorgeous eyes,
like, looking through me.
And then when she got a little
older, when she'd get fussy,
I would soothe her with a...
I'd give her my pinky and she
would suck on it so hard
that blood would come
out of it. [laughter]
It sounds weird but
I'm just saying she's always
had this...
this incredible thirst
for... for life.
And as her dad,
you're always scared that
she's not gonna be able to
find someone to lock eyes with
who wants her to be as free...
and as safe...
as I need her to be.
And then
I saw her look at Justine,
and I knew she was home.
Here's to my
incredible daughter
and her beautiful bride.
Bottoms up!
[cheers and laughter]
["Bust a Move" by
Young MC playing]
This here's a jam
for all the fellas
Try to do what those ladies
tell us
Get shot down,
cause you're overzealous
Play hard to get.
females be jealous
Okay, smarty,
go to a party
Girls are scantily clad,
it's showing body
A chick walks by you,
wish you could sex her
But you're standing
on the wall
Like you was pointe-dexter
Next day's function,
high-class luncheon
Food is served, and your
stone cold munching
[all cheering]
But then you hate so much,
you only split your pants
A girl starts walking,
guys start gawking
Since down next to you,
and starts walking
Said she wanna dance 'cause
she likes to groove
So come on fatso
and just bust a move
[song plays distantly]
Hey, you.
You look beautiful
in that light.
Ah.
Thanks.
What are you doing?
I just...
needed to get away
a little bit.
-You know...
-Yeah.
Crowds.
Weddings can be
overwhelming for sure.
-Yes, they can.
-[laughs]
Yes, they can.
I'd love to apologize to you.
For what?
Well...
I feel like I was dominating
the conversation back there.
You know, when I'm around
a beautiful woman...
-[blows raspberry]
-...I get a little nervous
and, ah...
and when I do,
I talk about magic a lot.
And I am sorry.
-You're charming.
-Oh, thank you.
Yeah,
lovely dinner companion.
Thank you so much
I appreciate that.
Anyway,
you look beautiful.
-I was...
-Thanks.
...thinking...
No, it's... it's...
What?
-It's dumb.
-What?
-It's stupid.
-No, tell me.
Well...
we're at a wedding...
for two adults
and we're single
Why not?
[laughs]
-Why not?
-Why not?
[laughs]
Okay.
Ow.
You like that?
Um...
That? No, no.
Oh.
[whimpering]
Little pumpkin pie doesn't
like to get
slapped in the face, does she?
No
-You-- You don't like that?
-No.
-No, no. Yeah. No.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I...
Do you want me to be sweet?
I can be sweet.
[imitates baby cooing]
-No.
-Okay, I know you want
to dominate.
Okay, so give it back to me.
-No, I don't...
-I can take it.
-I don't want to dominate.
-You can give it to me,
and I can take it.
-Come on, just hit me
-No, I don't want to hit you.
Hit me and it'll be fine
just hit me.
-No!
-Ow! f*ck!
[dance music crescendo]
[cheering and applause]
[muffled music continues]
Sorry, I was trying
to get away from this guy.
I think I lost him.
Sorry.
[dance music continues]
Your toast was...
it was great...
It was really great.
Thanks.
It was hard to share...
your kid with someone else.
Yeah. Yeah, it sucks.
[cheering]
Chuck is really funny.
My gosh,
what a character!
Yeah.
Chuck's a hoot.
[loud dance music continues]
[cheering]
[Todd] Miss Julia...
-What are we doing over here?
-No...
I think we need to go dance.
-Now!
-[dance music]
[dance music intensifies]
[cheering]
Oh, f*ck!
[meows]
[dance music fades]
Those are some crazy a*s moves
out there, girl.
Two shots of Tequila please.
Thank you.
God, how did you move
your leg like that?
Crazy.
That was a little nuts.
-Yeah.
-[laughs]
Thank you.
-Thank you, babe.
-You're welcome.
Mmm...
[Todd gulps]
[Todd] Oh, my God. Uh...
Yeah?
Um...
You ever done a body shot.
-f*ck yeah.
-All right, let's do it.
-Let's do it.
-Let's do it. You do it.
-...of me.
-Okay.
[loud upbeat dance music]
[laughing]
Who's next?
[woman] Are you doing
body shots?
[Lauren] Yes, you are!
[cheering]
Whoo!
Rick wants a little lick.
Rick wants a little lick.
Rick wants a little lick.
[Rick laughing]
[laughing]
Oh, no!
[exclaiming]
[music stops]
[groans]
[Lauren groans]
[Lauren] Ow.
-Ow!
-Oh my gosh.
My arm.
-Ouch.
-Oh.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
My ankle.
-[Dave] Okay.
-[Lauren] Sorry.
[Dave] Ah.
[Dave groans]
I'm sorry.
-[crying] It's okay.
-[Lauren] I'm so sorry.
-[whimpering] It's okay.
-Oh.
[Maria crying] My cake!
It's not,
it's okay.
Can we go?
[Maria crying] It's okay.
Like now?
Yeah, like now!
Are you kidding me?
-f*ck you!
-Oh.
No, seriously,
f*ck you!
You asked me to come
to this wedding with you
and then you just abandoned me
the second we got here.
That's right!
That's right!
We came--
Put your f*cking phone down!
We came here together!
Okay, and I don't care...
I know it.
He looks like he's 12,
and I look like
I could be his mother.
but if he was a woman
and I was a man,
nobody would care.
You...
pinky promised me
that you would stay with me
this weekend
because you knew
this was gonna be hard for me
and you broke it
because you wanted
to hang out with hot Coco!
[Lauren crying]
[crying]
Lucy's right.
Everybody leaves.
Everybody leaves.
You know what?
Let's get out of here.
Sorry about the smoking.
Oh, no, f*ck it.
Doesn't bother me.
Really.
I don't think the...
science is in
on cigarettes yet.
-[laughing]
-Is it?
You know what,
it tastes like sh*t anyway.
I'm done.
Done, done, done, done, done.
Hm.
Why did you help me?
-Why'd I help you?
-Yeah.
I don't know. You were...
You were covered
with wedding cake
and you were kind of...
humiliating yourself...
[laughs]
-Oh, thanks.
-...publicly in a big way.
Oh, my...
No, it looked like
you could use a hand.
I didn't know you might
break it.
Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry, okay?
I am sorry.
No, it's okay. I heal quick.
Ahh.
But it did seem like that kid
was being kind of an as*h*le.
Yeah, he was.
I mean, I don't know.
He was just being
a normal kid. You know?
A wedding,
getting drunk, hooking up.
Isn't that kind of what
you were doing?
-Am I crazy?
-No!
I'm crazy.
-Yeah, with the...
-No, you're right.
-The shots.
-Yup, no, stop.
You're right.
-Proclamation.
-Stop!
Stop.
Yes. I am a 50-year-old
sober woman behaving
like a 25-year-old
drunk bridesmaid.
Wait, you're sober?
Yeah, yeah, a long time.
Wow, good for you.
-Thank you.
-No, that's great.
I cannot imagine adding
alcohol to this situation.
[giggles]
Okay, listen,
I feel compelled to tell you
that I am not crazy, okay?
I'm not always like this.
I am very normal
a lot of the time.
I'm just...
I'm just not myself lately.
I get it. Yeah.
Divorce...
makes you...
f*cking crazy.
Right?
-Insane.
-Totally.
I mean, I could tell Chuck
was making you crazy.
Yeah, well, Chuck...
He seems well-intentioned.
Chuck was our
marital therapist.
-No.
-Yes.
Wait, you and Debbie...
-Yes.
-No.
-May I repeat?
-No!
Chuck was our marital
therapist.
-Oh, my God, oh, my God.
-That's how they met.
-Yeah.
-That's so gross.
Well, they're in love.
-Oh, God, that's disgusting.
-Isn't that sweet?
-Maria has no idea.
-Oh, my God.
She doesn't know how they met.
-Really?
-No.
Well, no wonder you were
so like grumpy all weekend.
Was it like totally obvious?
sh*t.
I hope I didn't ruin
Maria's wedding.
Oh, no.
No, don't worry about that.
-I did that.
-No, you know what?
We did it together.
-We did.
-We destroyed it.
Lovely.
I'd high five you
but my hand might be broken.
[laughs]
Now I feel like
I need to inform you
that I am not always
this raging black hole
of barely contained darkness.
I can be a lot of fun.
-I believe it.
-Yeah.
I'm having a lot of fun
right now.
Well, pre-dawn, urgent care,
a couple of broken bones,
it's my wheelhouse.
It's my jam.
What time is it anyway?
No idea.
Oh, God,
everything hurts.
Mmm. It is...
Oh, my God.
Who's that?
-Are those yours?
-Yeah.
-They're so cute.
-Yeah.
Bowie and Iggy.
Bowie and Iggy,
those are cute names.
-They're the best.
-Aww.
I know, super cute.
They hated each other
at first.
Now they're inseparable.
Oh, my God, yeah.
You have a dog and a cat.
Yeah, why?
-You're allergic?
-No.
No, I'm not.
["Company" by
Victoria Canal playing]
What?
It's nothing.
Shall we?
Attempt to stand
without further incident?
[laughter]
I was full of sadness
until your energy
Honestly, I love you
Honestly, I love
your company
-Oh, hey.
-Hey
Fun night?
[laughing]
You okay?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
Where are you going?
Home.
How are you gonna get there?
I got a ride.
Okay.
I'm sorry about last night.
I'm sorry, too.
It's a wedding.
-I'll see you in class.
-See you in class.
The only thing that matters
is who you're gonna be
Now whatever you are
is enough for me
Jesus Christ.
You okay?
No.
You will be.
Ride or die.
Ride or die.
I might believe in you
And I mean it, what the hell
am I supposed to do
By the way, I love it
When you settle in
and really open up
[overlapping chatter]
[Maria] But you
made me famous.
I did?
Yes, I got like 10,000 new
followers from that video
of me crying over my cake.
Yeah, it went viral.
-Oh, I'm so happy.
-Thank you.
Oh.
Lauren.
You know the...
little monologue
you're performing tonight?
A little birdie just
climbed up on my shoulder
whispered in my ear.
You booked the national.
-[whispers] Are you serious?
-I'm always serious.
[screaming]
Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God!
-Stop screaming.
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-Sorry, sorry.
Places.
[overlapping chatter]
[applause]
Oh, please, no.
[applause stops]
Let us all begin
by closing our eyes.
Taking a deep
cleansing breath.
[inhaling deeply]
[exhales deeply] Ah...
Welcome to the commercial
intensives final presentation.
I would say "break a leg"
but you just got out
of the boot.
Shh.
Now we have spent months
finding truth together
in what many consider to be
the most low rent form
of acting there is.
The television
commercial.
But I can tell you
what is not low rent
The residuals
that make it possible
to pay your rent.
[laughing]
And in doing so
you get 30 seconds
to do what you love most...
Acting.
This may be
inappropriate for children.
[applause]
[exhales]
It's a mindset.
It's an inner strength
to keep your feet
planted firmly on the ground,
taking you further
than you ever thought possible.
The truth is...
I'm clinically depressed.
We compare and despair.
We want what she's got.
[laughs]
Well, now you can have it
in a lip color.
Jeans can go anywhere...
with anything.
They can make you feel like
whoever you want to feel like.
When the time is right
and you want
to smell your best,
make her hot
by keeping cool.
[spray hisses]
Freak out, break out.
These pimple patch stars
make it easy
and fashionable
to cover it all.
You know what prep goes
into prom night?
It's like mission impossible.
You gotta have the car,
the corsage,
and the perfect scent.
After menopause
sex just didn't feel good.
I felt old and...
well, dried up.
There's a solution...
Aquoxxi.
It has moisture in the name.
[applause]
[cheering]
I drink Dr. Pepper
and I'm proud
I'm part of that
original crowd
And if you look around
these days
There seems to be
a Dr. Pepper craze
I'm a Pepper, he's a Pepper,
she's a Pepper
We're a Pepper, wouldn't you
like to be a Pepper too?
Be a Pepper,
drink Dr. Pepper
Be a Pepper,
drink Dr. Pepper
Be a Pepper,
drink Dr. Pepper...
Hello.
I'm a Pepper
We're a Pepper
She's a Pepper!
Wouldn't you like to be
a Pepper too?
-Hi.
-You were so good.
Thank you.
[Lauren] Oh, God, it was
so embarrassing.
[Liz] Lauren.
Great work in class,
I was very impressed.
Oh, thanks.
I thought you hated me.
Well, I hate everything.
Oh, I hate everything too.
-Do you?
-Yeah.
What was the last thing
you hated?
Oppenheimer, the movie.
Garbage.
-Hi.
-Hey.
-That was amazing.
-Thanks.
-Look at you dancing...
-I heal quickly.
Well, you got rid of
your sling.
Yeah, yeah, it was
just hairline.
But it was really fun.
Thanks.
But you were totally
convincing.
Yeah, but it's acting.
I mean, I don't have
that issue.
I'm just saying that I am
like a monsoon down there.
Like, so wet.
[laughs]
Why do I say the dumbest
stuff around you?
Don't worry.
I wanna go.
See you again?
Absolutely.
[Lauren] Julie, let's go.
We gotta go.
How do I touch?
I mean, get in touch.
-How do I get in?
-Well...
Well, you can find me
right here.
This is where I am.
Say goodbye to the dry
and hello to the moist.
Mom, Mom, your commercial
just popped up.
-Come watch it with me.
-It did?
[laughing]
Oh, my God.
Constipation, severe muscle
weakness,
confusion or vision problems.
AQUOXXI.
It has moisture in the name.
-Thank you.
-Good job.
-And here is your Oscar,
-Ah, Thank you, thank you.
-For best...
-Oh, goodness.
-Best actress?
-...commercial.
-Best commercial.
-And actor.
I would-- Oh, thank you.
-I'd like to thank
the Academy for--
-[doorbell ring]
Will you grab that, honey?
-I'm just gonna...
-Yeah.
Hey.
What up, Luce?
You just missed it.
My mom was on TV again.
Again?
Boy, they're running the crap
out of that thing, huh?
Cha-ching.
Hey, look what I brought.
Super Smash Bros., yay.
-[doorbell ring]
-Another person.
-Hey.
-Hey, cutie, how you doing?
-Mwah.
-Good.
Sean brought
Super Smash Bros.
Wow, that's awesome.
-How you doing, man?
-I'm doing good.
Just happy to hang out
with my girl tonight.
Cool.
You look amazing.
[giggles]
Thanks.
Um, Sweetie, don't let
Sean keep you up late.
-Bedtime is 9:00.
-Promise.
-Bedtime is 9:00.
-Yeah, you're in charge, Lucy.
-[Sean] 9:00 is fine.
-Okay.
-[whispering] 10:00.
-Yeah.
Come here.
What?
I have terrible taste
in women.
[laughs]
I have terrible taste in men.
Well, this is gonna be fun.
[chuckles]
[both exclaim] Whoa!
["You Make My Heart Beat too
Fast" by Buddy & Julie Miller]
You make my heart beat
too fast
Oh, I think
I love you honey
You make me think
I could miss you
You make me think
I should kiss you
You make me want
your affection
I wanna make a connection
Baby, I'm psychedelic
with emotion
And I can't come down
My heart's playin' dead
But love changes
everything around
Around and around
and around
I wanna ride in your car
I wanna know where you are
Why don't you
make me your fool
Come on, baby,
take me to school
You make me want
to be sweet
You make me walk down
your street
You make me dance
to your beat
I'm gonna save you a seat
Baby, I'm psychedelic
with emotion
And I can't come down
Well, my heart was
playin' dead
But love changes
everything around
Around, around, around
You make me lose my focus
You've got some bad
hocus pocus
You made me think that
you're clever
I'm gonna love you forever
[rock music continues]
[song ends]
["Serena Downtown"
by Illusion Hills playing]
Get your head out yo phone
I'm trying to see
your face
No your friends
don't condone
They're just in our way
Get your head out yo phone
I'm trying to see
your face
No your friends
don't condone
They're just in our way
I pull up in a--
And pick you up at--
We go kick it like--
Then we do it all again
What you do
this weekend
You lie
and say you sleeping
Girl, why
you tweaking
You know
you wanna be with me
Fluent in her tongue
as well in English
Now she got me speechless
Her body language starts to
speaking
But we gotta act decent
Talk 'bout life like,
what's the meaning
They want you there
and not with me
Get your head out yo phone
I'm trying to see
your face
No your friends
don't condone
They're just in our way
Get your head out yo phone
I'm trying to see
your face
No your friends
don't condone
They're just in our way
Got Tinder on your phone
But your friends
don't condone
Heard you new to the city
You might let me
take you home
Got a house in the hills,
but you know what I'm on
I know you like
to steak dinner
With the magic T bone
Hold on
You said that
you want me, do you really?
I got some dog in me but
I might just hurt
your feelings
You a trendy girl
but you acting kinda silly
Got some dickies on...
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For Worse (2025)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters
Watch on Amazon Merchandise Collectables
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.