Morning, everyone.
Good morning, Arthur Tobin.
I'm just cooking
for my beloved family.
Look, I know
it's gonna take some time
to get used to the cameras, but
you just have to do your best
to forget that they're here.
Wait, does that
apply to everybody?
Because I've been working on my
Jim from "The Office" looks,
like
- Ha ha.
That's a good one.
Or like
No, no, no! Don't zoom in.
And don't cook breakfast
in a tuxedo.
Here we are capturing truth.
Is that a turkey?
Oh, boy, don't film this.
I have an amazing plan for
whenever something happens
that I don't want in the movie.
I just tell my phone
to play the Beatles,
'cause that ain't in the budget.
You know what?
I can't stay mad
when my favorite Beatles song
is playing.
If you wanna hug me ♪
Better say you love me ♪
With a little kiss or two ♪
Yow!
All right, a new day, another
fresh start with my dudes!
No, I'm sorry.
Point is, I'm excited.
- Me too, Arthur Tobin!
We pull this off,
people gonna see me
in a whole new light,
like they did
after Pharrell's movie.
Did you know he grew up LEGO?
And I know we all have
slightly different visions
for the film.
- No, no, we trust you.
You know, this could work
for all of us.
I just don't want us to come off
like J.Lo in her documentary.
- Right.
No Ben Affleck.
Good note.
If you need any help
with the old doc-a-rooney,
I got a bunch of Reggie's
old stuff in the basement.
I've actually spent
a lot of time
organizing
the Reggie Dinkins library.
It's got everything, from his
baby teeth to his wisdom teeth.
Well, I mean
It's not just all teeth,
obviously.
You know, there's
football stuff in there, too,
you know, like the gold tooth
that got knocked out.
Dammit.
- Right. Super.
Well, whatever the documentary
ends up becoming,
we will discover it together,
because the cameras
will be filming everything
both the highs and the lows.
Oh, you want bad stuff?
Reggie Dinkins'll give you
plenty of that.
Wait, what'd I do?
- You don't even know?!
That makes it so much worse.
Those actually did end up
being quite useful.
Why are we outside?
I'm not moisturized for this.
Reggie, we both
want this to work.
But Brina getting on you
like that is not the look.
You have got to lock things
down in there.
Hey, I am very careful
about what I say on camera!
I'm just saying,
it's still impressive
he lost all that weight
eating Subway.
Only thing that stops
a bad guy with a g*n
is an even worse guy
with two g*ns.
Cleopatra Black.
Jesus Black.
George Washington Black.
Just deal with it, okay?
Go apologize to Brina
for whatever you did.
We don't need that kind
of drama right now.
I can't figure out
why Brina's mad at me.
There isn't any birthdays or
anniversaries on the calendar.
All the toilet seats are down.
I didn't put any empty
cartons back in the fridge.
And I haven't liked
any full-chested women's posts
on Instagram.
I even asked her Auntie Sheila,
because Brina
tells her everything.
Even if I did know,
I wouldn't tell you.
But let's talk about
why you're taking my niece
to that filthy church.
You know God don't like no
She was busy.
Ashley?
Are you gonna get that?
Oh, sorry,
um, my therapist told me
I need to spend less time
on the phone.
- Okay.
Thank you, Ashley.
Honestly, not a problem.
Okay, um, thank you
for this, Monica.
I wanted to start with you today
in part because Reggie is
how do I say this
still just doing the most.
- Did he wear his tuxedo?
- He did.
But you?
I mean, well, let me just say,
I respect a contemplative queen.
Uh-huh.
So
you were a Quincy Magoo Scholar
at Rutgers.
First in your class at the
Wisconsin School of Business.
But I don't want to talk to
Monica Reese-Dinkins just yet.
I would like to start
off today by talking
to little Mony Reese.
Hi, sweetie.
Are you excited
about all the stuff
you're going to accomplish?
I'm not doing baby talks.
But, yeah, sure.
I always had big dreams.
If you think by staying quiet,
I'm going to start talking
just to break the silence
To be fair, that trick
really works on Rusty.
Why aren't you saying anything?
I hate this.
Are you mad at me?
Okay, here's something.
When I'm alone
I like to write rock raps.
Fine, I'll do one.
I'm a lyrical,
spiritual miracle ♪
On the spherical Earth
since birth ♪
Where did you go? ♪
Please stop me.
And do I look like
Rusty Boyd to you?
Um, you know what?
Why don't we just get some air
for a minute?
Interviews are like jazz.
You have to improvise.
Feel it out.
Like
Okay,
you can stop looking
at me like that now.
'Cause I got you this.
Here. I'm sorry.
Does this mean you figured
out what you did wrong?
I was mean to you in a dream.
I got you a purse, didn't I?
- You always get me a purse.
Or shoes.
Or you hire Flo Rida to come
and sing while I work out.
But you never actually apologize
to me like you mean it.
She's got a point.
My dad spent his formative years
being told he could do no wrong.
At Rutgers, they had to rename
an entire building,
because he kept misreading
the sign.
So he still has trouble
realizing when he messes up,
but he wants everyone
to be happy.
So, if you're mad at him,
he just buys you stuff.
It's dope.
I mean, when my parents got
divorced, I got a crossbow.
I was five!
It's not a real apology
if you don't know
what you apologizing for.
Here's also a necklace.
C, you gotta be a bro.
Help me out here.
Find out what I did
so I can get out the doghouse.
Mm, I don't really want
to snitch.
I'll make it worth your while.
Snitches get stitches, yo
specifically
these Abloh Off-Whites.
Check out that stitching, huh?
Look, Arthur,
if you think taking me
back to the old neighborhood
is gonna release
a flood of emotions, it's not.
This place has changed.
This was all empty lots
when I was growing up.
This cell phone store?
They used to sell landlines.
I mean,
I barely even recognize
The playground.
It looks exactly the same.
How?
It's landmarked,
uh, because Nas lost
his virginity on the seesaw.
Oh.
Do you remember
making this mural?
Oh, my God.
My handprints!
Ohh.
How did you even
find this place?
I haven't thought
about it in ages.
- So I talked to your cousin.
- The nurse or the b*tch?
I couldn't get in contact
with the b*tch,
but your cousin Roxy told me
all about double Dutch.
Yes!
I used to come to this place
every day after school.
I was always the jumper,
and I was good.
Ha!
Watch this.
Hey!
Hoo! Ha!
And did little Mony Reese
ever imagine
where her life would take her?
Your marrying an NFL superstar,
seeing the bright lights
of Buffalo, Cincinnati
Jacksonville.
Things changed so fast.
That first year in college,
Reggie got famous like that.
Right. Yes, yes, the, uh
the famous
"Food Poisoning Game."
Remember the name
Reggie Dinkins, folks.
The freshman is leading
Rutgers to a stunning upset
over number two Penn State,
all while battling
severe food poisoning.
Gross, Jimmy!
You said it, Brian.
Right.
The "Food Poisoning Game."
What's that?
Why the air quotes?
Hey, didn't you say earlier
you wanted to talk
to little Mony?
How widdle were you thinking?
Ga-ga, goo-goo.
Eh?
Hey, man.
Turns out Bikini Crab
on "Masked Singer"
was Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Huh. How did you know
it was me?
TV off.
Brina, please,
I cannot handle you
icing me out like this.
Or dressing like that.
It leaves so much
to the imagination,
and you know I don't got
a good imagination!
Well, you don't deserve
to see what's under here.
Look, I know what I did wrong,
and if you're really upset
about me starting the dishwasher
while you were still eating
your breakfast,
I guess I'm sorry.
- Finally.
But God forbid you hand-wash
your own cereal bowl.
You should be happy
I do dishes at all.
I'm rich, I'm old,
I don't have to do anything,
so it's really dumb of you
to get mad about it.
- Oh, my God!
You are the worst at apologies.
You want me to call Flo Rida?
What's the point?
No matter how good I apologize,
it's never good enough.
After the whole gambling thing,
I begged for forgiveness.
And what did it get me?
"Time's" Man of the Year
but like
when they gave it to Hitler.
Yeah
Yeah, you apologized
real good back then.
Reggie, you let
a lot of people down.
What do you want to say to them?
I guess I'm sorry
if anybody's dumb enough
to be offended,
but I didn't do anything wrong.
You should be happy you getting
to watch me play football.
But I apologize or whatever.
Here you go, baby.
Rose gold hardware, nice.
But that's not much
of an apology.
Oh, where you going?
Where is he going?
And that's one
of the better ones.
You told Ann Curry
that it wasn't you who gambled.
It was The One-Armed Man.
It worked in "The Fugitive."
- It didn't.
He went to jail.
Fine.
What do you want from me?
I said I'm sorry.
And we all know that an apology
wouldn't have changed anything,
no matter how I said it.
I devoted my whole life
to entertaining you people.
Are you not entertained?!
- "Gladiator."
Nice.
The only thing this country
loves more than a hero
is tearing one down.
- Mm-hmm.
Tiger Woods, y'all.
Can't believe we talking
about gambling in 2026!
When everybody has a casino
in their pocket now.
Oh, he's talking
about your phone, sheep.
And guess what.
There's probably a racial
component to this mess
There's always
a racial component.
- Subtext, Rusty!
- Subtext.
I'm done apologizing
to everyone.
Yeah, you sheep!
I'ma k*ll you!
- Whoa. Whoa!
And they ain't never gonna
find the body!
Whoa!
- Chill out, man!
- Rusty's coming!
- Where did you go?
Come back!
Whew. Whew.
- Right.
The "Food Poisoning Game."
The "Food Poisoning Game."
Wiggle, wiggle,
said the little fingies.
But why?
Okay, here's what's up.
I feel like my using
air quotes earlier
has gotten blown
way out of proportion.
See, I'm one of those people
that uses air quotes
to emphasize important stuff.
Like "Food Poisoning Game."
"I love my son."
"The Supreme Court
should have term limits."
See?
"This is fun."
Oh, man,
the Food Poisoning Game?
Oh, Reggie blew up after that.
Jim Carrey played him
on "In Living Color."
It was a different time.
It was a different time, yeah.
Here we go. So you looking
for anything specific?
You know,
we got everything, man.
We got, like,
magazines and videos.
Oh, we got the single
"Weird Al" released
about Reggie, "Food Poison,"
to the tune
of Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison."
That food is poison ♪
Poison ♪
Puh, puh, puh, puh,
puh, puh, actual poison ♪
You never trust food
that's been out for a while ♪
Not his best.
All right, Reggie, let's talk
about the Food Poisoning Game.
The Food Poisoning Game.
Finally, yes,
we can talk about something
I don't have to apologize for.
So can you explain
why your archive contains
seemingly every copy
of the October 16, 1993 edition
of the Penn State
student newspaper?
That was a big game.
Monica would always buy up
stories about me.
Right, but this paper
is from the day of the game
so the "Food Poisoning Game"
hadn't actually happened yet.
What's up with your fingies?
I had nothing to do with that.
I think
I-I know what happened, Reggie.
Okay, fellas.
Rutgers football
freshman prank
we're going to steal
Penn State's mascot.
It's a Tiny Lion.
"Nittany" Lion, man.
- "Nittany"?
What does "Nittany" mean?
"Nittany" means big!
Oh, God!
That's you, isn't it, Reggie?
How did you really get sick
that night?
I had to swim
across a freezing river
just to get away
from that damn lion.
I must have swallowed a gallon
of Pennsylvanian trash water.
That game is a part
of my heroic origin story,
Arthur Tobin.
Why are you interrogating
the myth?
Instead of being the weekend
that launched your career,
it could have ended it.
If you'd been caught, you
would've lost your scholarship.
- But I didn't get caught.
How did you even
Zoom in on me dramatically.
Monica.
Young man, no son of mine
Wait, you don't have
a face tattoo.
I sent that text from his phone.
How could you?
You know my two biggest fears
are Carmelo getting
a face tattoo
or marrying someone
who doesn't understand my vibe.
Sorry I had to use you
like that, son.
But I needed to get your
mother here to yell at her.
All good.
What the hell, Monica?
Penn State was one
of the few things in my career
I could still be proud of.
And you told Arthur Tobin
how it went down?!
To be fair, she didn't
actually say anything.
But her air quotes doth
protest too much, methinks.
He's a sneaky little punk-a*s.
Doesn't matter how it happened.
It's out there now.
How would you like
if I told everybody
about the time you dressed
as Pocahontas on Halloween?
- It was okay back then!
I think!
And you wouldn't even have
a career in the first place
if it wasn't for me.
I bought up all
those newspapers.
I got the negatives
from the school paper
by giving the photographer
my bra
I actually tracked
that guy down.
Your bra is in the archives now.
- This is the archives' fault!
- You and your damn archives!
You know what?
You should be thanking me
for pulling your a*s
out of the fire.
If you're talking about that
luau on our honeymoon,
thank you.
I am talking about Penn State
and every other day since then!
Okay, let's, uh let's go
deeper on that, guys.
Shut up!
But, yes, let's.
Yesterday I was reminded
of a time before all this.
When I was fun and carefree
and didn't get lower-back pain
from Double-Dutching.
Oh, but sorry for messing up
for the first time ever!
That was a bad apology.
Why's she gotta be
all dismissive and whatnot?
My feelings matter.
Let's go deeper on that, Reggie.
You know, Brina might have felt
the same way.
Let me get there on my own!
Fine, just tell me.
Okay, where's the dumb archive
where you keep
all of Reggie's stuff?
You really should knock
before you just bust in here.
For so many reasons
nudity, the way that I eat,
"Home Alone" traps.
- Hey.
Okay, come on, be careful.
Hey, there's a system here!
We need to get rid
of some of this stuff.
I don't even know what kind
of garbage you got in here.
- "Garbage"?
You call this garbage?
The mayor of Philadelphia
threw this at Reggie
during an Eagles game.
"Monica Stuff"?
Great.
Let's start with this.
Come on.
Aw, you wore that to Reggie's
first signing meeting.
It was okay back then.
- Oh, gosh.
- Oh.
No, that you can toss.
Just a stupid,
meaningless old jump rope?
That's filthy garbage.
I hate it.
Hot doorknob!
Hey, Bri.
Look, playing football,
all I was ever taught to do
was run forward.
Unless I had to go lateral
or backwards
to evade a defender.
Or a flea-flicker.
One time, the coach
made me take a safety
just to eat up the clock
Is this somehow
supposed to be an apology?
- It's coming!
Let me cook!
Listen, as an athlete,
you're taught
never to dwell on mistakes.
You make it up on the next play.
But I get it now.
Sometime when you
don't look back,
it seem like you don't care.
And I couldn't even apologize
right
for the "Nittaniest" mistake
I've ever made.
"Nittaniest"?
- "Nittany" means big.
- Oh.
What I'm saying is that
I don't want to mess up
like that with you.
Well, the dishwasher
wasn't really that big a deal.
I mean, why's either of us
doing our own dishes?
- But I'm still sorry.
For all the terrible apologies.
You deserve better.
And I'm done trying to buy
forgiveness with gifts.
I know I got to try harder
to listen,
pay attention,
and love you right.
And I know money
can't buy any of that.
Mm, thank you, baby.
And Melo, I haven't been
fair to you, either.
No, no, no, no, no
Trying to buy
my son's forgiveness
with concert tickets,
sneakers, and chains?
But now I know none
of that matters to you.
Nope! Just your love.
That's right.
So, from now on,
you get real apologies.
I'm really sorry I broke your
laptop trying to k*ll a spider.
Wait, you did what?
That broken laptop
could have gotten me a payday.
And why is Brina even trying
to make my dad
be like an actual adult dad,
instead of a bro
with a Black Card?
What? I hear it.
And I know this is good for us
but I don't have to like it.
- Arthur
I'm sorry I called you
a sneaky, little,
travel-sized punk-a*s.
You actually didn't say
all of that,
but, yeah, apology accepted.
Getting used to all this
isn't gonna be easy.
And digging up
the past is scary.
But because of you,
I just double-Dutched
for the first time in 30 years.
Hey, that's fantastic.
- What'd you say?
- Nothing. Where did you say?
Jazz.
It's been an interesting
couple of days.
Reggie actually apologized
for, well, the last 30 years.
And I think he meant it.
He didn't just give me a bag
not that I mind a bag.
I, however,
am still waiting for Monica
to apologize for blowing up
my Penn State story.
Here you go, baby.
Aw, nice.
Sweet like bear meat.
Apology accepted.
Hey, hey, hey!
You cannot be here
without a kid.
That's not okay.
- Yeah.
Sorry, you're right.
It's just that
I feel so carefree.
It's amazing.
- What? Just go!
Um
You cannot film kids in a park.
Just go.
- Yes. I'm so sorry.
- Go!
Get out of here.
- We're going.
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