01x08 - Just The (Flare) Tip

[bunniefuu]

Are you afraid of dying?

Are you not afraid of dying?

It is something I am obsessed with

and I can't help but think

about how I'm going to die,

which is why

I'm making season two

of a TV show called

We're All Gonna Die.

Things haven't gotten

a hell of a lot better

since the first season

of our show.

The collapse is so near.

Holy Moses.

I'm going to ask some of the

smartest people I can find

to help me face my fear again.

It could bring about

the end of life as we know it.

What?!

You strike me as

a visual learner

so let me walk

you through this.

Or we could just watch the

real thing happening beside us.

Dewey:

That is the stack.

This is the flare tip.

This is the crane.

Your brother is on the ground

"attempting" hand signals.

Not sure why,

the dudes

150 feet in the air

need to be talking to the dudes

in the crane so that, you know,

the flare tip doesn't fall and

they fall and it comes down

and hits Backwoods and

he plummets to his death

and they land on top of

him and everybody dies.

Jesus Christ.

Swirling toilet.

That's how I remember

those hand signals.

Backwoods is

probably like, uh

Yeehaw!

Tip is goin' up,

time to bolt

this sucker down.

In the clear,

time for a beer

and I might be

And then, you know,

Operator Phil is like

Good work people.

We just put a dome

on that d*ck.

And Todd's over there.

I should set my sister up

with that down-to-earth,

lean journeyman pipefitter

named Dewey.

That's basically it.

If they listened

to my ideas,

this would be seamless,

but there's politics.

Alright, good work, fellas.

This sucker goes online

after two hundred welds.

Whatever he says is wrong.

It's more like 208 welds.

It's not, it's 200!

Mr. Conch,

pleasure to have you.

Morning.

Welcome.

- Marcus.

Nice to see you again, sir.

"Sir" is my dad.

Apologies, Jamar.

We've been looking

all over for ya.

I know, I know.

Backwoods:

Want you to check

this thing over here.

Taser:

Cheers to Todd's Sister.

Huh?

Aw, that's nice.

What?

Taser:

Come on.

You f*ck!

Aw, you got me!

You're one of us!

You're one of us, sister.

Jamar:

The accounting errors

under Mr. Bennett

were extensive.

Jesus. sh*t.

Jamar:

We're still waiting for

an official dollar amount.

m*therf*cker.

From what I've been

told it is significant.

I'd like to recognize

Chelsea's efforts

in bringing them to light.

It must have been

no easy task.

Give us the f*cking numbers!

Oh, it was nothing at all.

So the question remains:

where's the money?

Precisely.

Bennett.

When was he last seen?

At the company

golf tournament.

He has my money,

which makes him the most

valuable thing here!

Actually, this whole

refinery is valuable.

The misappropriation of

funds is proof of that.

Why do you wanna

close this facility?

It's like sending a

horse to the glue factory

that's still winning races.

Charles:

That's a good one.

You come up with

that yourself?

Come on, Charles.

Charles:

Okay, f*ck accounting.

We have smarter people than

us taking care of that.

My focus here is to

shut this town down.

Oop, that's a slip.

I meant shut this

refinery down.

And why do I personally

have to watch 300 c*ck

to get a conclusive

piss test?

I-I don't understand.

What happened?

Every single worker

passed their urine analysis.

Well, of course they did.

Jamar:

Don't celebrate just yet

because everyone tested

positive for chlamydia.

Charles:

All 300 men and eight women.

What are the odds?

I've been trying to get out of

this place for a decade now.

You donkeys have

made it possible.

This is on you!

You're outta here!

I'll give you 'til

end of the day

to pack up your stuff.

Firing me is one thing,

but closing this plant

now is f*cking moronic.

We're on the verge

of revolutionizing the

oil and gas industry

and you're too f*cked

in the head to know it!

Our very own chief

engineer Medhi Chowdry,

has designed the new-

Charles:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jamar told me all about it.

Mr. Chowdry the one that's

locked up in a tiny white room,

sweatin' out the booze.

He has challenges that

he needs to overcome,

but his brilliance

is undeniable.

Leonard, would you

educate this idiot?

It's a 25% improvement

in clean air burn.

As far as I know,

it's the first time

it's been done.

Every refinery in the world

will want access to this.

So what you're telling me,

I'm leaving money

on the table?

A fortune.

And you know, the Earth.

Okay. Ideas don't

make me money.

Operational tech does.

If you can show me

that this works,

maybe my ears will

work better too.

Prove it!

I f*cking will prove it.

Chelsea:

Your time's up, old man.

Come on, Leonard.

Go, go, go.

I'm not finished.

Find this rat a*s Bennett.

I always expect some

kind of bullshit,

but this was not

on my bingo card.

That makes two of us.

This is the first

time I've been fired.

No one will hire me

once Charles drags my

name through sh*t.

I know it seems

really bad right now,

that's because it

just happened.

Would you believe that I

was once fired by Conch too?

Yes. Easily.

I was coming down a ladder,

thirty feet up,

and my tie-off broke loose,

knocked me unconscious.

My tool bag went flying.

I mean, it was a

f*cking yard sale.

And all the sh*t

fell to the ground.

I almost k*lled

three guys

who are now my friends.

Wow. I'm-I'm sorry.

And the guys gave me a

really f*ck' hard time

and corporate wrote me off

and basically

sh*t-canned my a*s.

It f*cked me up

for a long time.

But at the end of the day,

the guys stood by me

and I got rehired.

Is that why you

pursued management?

Well, in a one horse

town like Imperial Valley,

this desk is the

top of the ladder.

Well, in my absence,

I guess that now makes

you Site Manager.

"Acting" Site Manager.

Yeah, by default.

You know, Charles acknowledged

that money was missing

and he showed interest

in Medhi's innovation.

We're onto something.

I'm gonna complete

the flare stack,

get that

c*cksucker operational.

And I'm gonna spend my

last day looking for Bennett

to show Charles where

the f*cking money went.

Hey.

What? You can't just leave.

They can't just fire you.

They can, and we're

lucky it's only me.

I burned a lot of

bridges in retail,

but they are always hiring.

And actually, my uncle

owns a few farms.

Maybe he has something?

That's super thoughtful.

I mean, this

industry's transient.

We go where the work is.

There's opportunities

out west.

What?!

No! That's so far!

I don't want you to leave.

I mean, II don't

have to go alone.

I was not expecting that.

But I-I actually

do travel light

'cause besides a toiletry bag

and, you know, some clothes,

I'm-I'm actually pretty poor.

Oh, would you guys just make

out already get it over with.

It's a red dot for you.

I don't get it.

Can you at least tell me

why you were sh*t-canned?

Yeah. So every piss sample

tested positive for chlamydia.

Whoa. So that means

that one of you-

No, no, but not me.

Um, not me, but I should

talk to Bum and Bummer,

and Jimi.

But hold on, it's a-it's

a drug test. Narcotics.

Why would they be

testing for STDs?

I mean, that's gotta

be ill*gal, right?

It is most

definitely ill*gal.

A blatant disregard of our

freedoms and democratic rights.

Just the man I

was looking for.

To be continued.

Sorry to cooch block.

Thanks for listening.

Taser:

Yeah, I've worked

on the pipelines.

Money's primo but

the food blows.

But they do have direct

flights to Vegas.

Jimi:

f*ck you, you

little f*ck' prick!

Alright, I can still throw

you in a drainage ditch

and never find

your f*ck' body,

you little f*ck' sh*t.

m*therf*cker said

I was too old.

He's not wrong, Jimi.

Yeah, well, you know,

two blown ACLs,

a hip replacement

and a slipped disc.

I get it. f*ck' old.

Dewey:

Hey Todd.

Taser:

What's the word?

Chelsea was just fired.

Ma' man, you did it!

No, this is a very bad thing.

She was good for this place.

She had our backs

and because of that,

she got sh*t-canned.

You were the one that started

the hate-train for her.

Yeah.

- Remember?

Yeah, I was f*ck' there.

Boys, here's the plan.

We do the work,

and we get it done

before Conch leaves

to demonstrate our value.

I need a list of

every capable-

actually, f*ck it,

anyone that's held

a welding torch,

Even if it was welding

class in high school.

Will you boys lift my

probation for this?

I promise no more

cowboy sh*t.

Shut the f*ck up.

Let's finish the stack.

The board members don't

live in this town.

And who cares if that

old milk bag gets richer?

We get to stay the same.

And what we got is

pretty f*ck' special.

Yeah.

You get to watch your

grandkids play baseball,

get that other hip done.

You get to buy

that crotch-rocket

you've been lookin' at.

And probably write it off.

Yeah.

Let's do it for Medhi.

Huh?

f*ck!

Backwoods:

f*ck' rookie!

Ten names is all my

guys can come up with

and I'm one of them

fer f*ck's sakes.

There's no f*cking way we

complete 200 plus welds

by the end of the day.

We've got the material

but we need the manpower.

Never seen a more expensive

pile of bolts in my life.

There ain't enough welders

in town to get this done.

Well, there aren't

enough active welders.

f*ck it. I could go to the

Leaky Pipe and grab some guys.

Huh?

I mean, they might be half-cut,

but who gives a f*ck?

Do it. Throw a

line out, Jimi.

See who bites. Good idea.

Steph :

Hey Todd, we need you

down at the flare stack.

There's been an incident,

but everybody's okay.

Copy that.

I'll be right there.

Backwoods:

It coulda happened

to anyone.

Now let's just leave

it off the books.

Literally one foot to the left

and I'd be rehearsing a eulogy.

Yeah, but you're not.

Why were you rushing?

What were you

trying to prove?

Audrey:

Nothing.

Guys, what am I doing here?

Write her up.

Whoa.

There's no special treatment.

She needs to learn

this place is dangerous.

I mean, it's only thirty feet

but he could have been k*lled.

Alright.

I don't know, man.

f*ck. I got sh*t to do.

Wait.

Believe it or not,

this is a good thing.

You learn, you get better.

We only have each other

when we're out here, Auds.

Just tryin' to look

out for ya, okay?

We're good?

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you too.

What room is he in?

Number one.

How do you know this?

I have a file

on everyone.

Including me

Just a small one for you.

You're squeaky clean.

Except for that

one time in Regina.

That's a conversation

for later.

I'm gonna stand over here.

The last encounter he

and I had was specific.

No. Get that crazy

b*tch away from me, Homer.

She's a d*ck mangler.

Bennett, Charles is

a very powerful man.

He has "make people

disappear" money.

And right now there is a very

big angry man coming for you

that I guarantee has ripped

out fingernails with pliers

and hooked nutsacks

up to car batteries.

He's f*cking huge.

Okay.

- Okay.

We can break in.

- Okay. Yeah.

We can break in.

- There's a-

Is it safe?

I apologize for everything

regarding the catheter

that was offside and

out of character.

No sh*t.

Well, if there-there's anything

I can do to make it up to you,

you just let me know.

Touch it.

What?!

What?

Oh, hey hey, there he is.

Bennett:

Oh, he is f*ck' huge.

And do you know why

Charles sent him?

I think he wants me dead

because we embezzled

a bunch of money

and I know more

than I should.

Don't f*ck with us.

I'm not.

Well, where is it?

Complicated.

Classic one pocket

to the next.

Not much else.

I f*ck' knew it!

Okay, you need

Witness Protection,

you need surgery. f*ck.

We need acid to burn

off your fingerprints.

Could you send

me to Thailand?

For the weather.

I've got bronchitis.

Beggars can't be choosers.

f*ck' right, Jimi.

Let's kit 'em up.

We'll see.

This way, boys.

Awesome

- Great job.

Right on, Dad.

- Yeah.

Two of them are sober.

Not that guy.

- Not him. Not even close.

Your face doesn't look happy.

There are issues

in the flare line

and I've pinpointed the problem

to a weld at the connector box.

Todd:

Isn't that off the

f*ck' ground?

It's forty feet up and it's a

confined, awkward-a*s spot.

Now your face

doesn't look happy.

Todd:

It's truly f*cked.

Someone can make

this weld, no?

Come on. Anybody? Anybody?

Alright, fine. Okay.

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

I mean, some of these old dogs

did this sh*t thirty years ago,

barefoot and

without a harness,

but I don't know,

the confidence level is down.

And f*ck, insurance.

Holy sh*t.

If somebody takes

a dive, man.

Taser:

Don't f*ck' look at me.

I'm not built for

height, skis or sedans.

Backwoods:

I've seen the weld.

It's like masturbatin'

on a city bus.

It's doable,

but it's difficult.

Either way,

one of us has to try.

Well, what's it

gonna be Goldenarm?

I get the f*ck' hint, alright.

Backwoods:

Oh, thatta boy!

Jimi:

It's so easy.

Yes!

Come on.

Todd:

Oh, man.

This piece of junk again?

Stop wastin' our time.

You ready, Goldenarm?

Got everything we need.

Let's do this, brother.

Come on.

- Dewey: Alright, let's go.

Let's see your right hand,

right paw slips it in there.

How does this work?

What the f*ck is this,

Dewey, a video game?

Oh, it's-it's an

impossible weld.

If you fail,

we have to rebuild

this section.

And by that time

we're all unemployed

and this stack is a-a

glorified art installation

that we all get to stare

at for years to come.

How in the f*ck do they

let you coach little league?

I remember when you

wanted to quit the trades.

Look at you now, huh? Foreman.

Finally, Site Manager.

Acting Site Manager.

Jimi:

Shut the f*ck up, Dewey.

Yeah, what he said.

This is a layup.

You got this.

Thanks, Auds.

You know, I'd say some words

of encouragement to ya,

but you don't need 'em.

You got your-your Red Seal,

your fancy set up here.

Uh? You, you just,

you gotta remember though

that you're only as

good as your last weld,

so get up there

and burn some rod.

And for God's sake,

don't be a p*ssy.

Thanks, Dad.

- Okay.

Thanks, Dad.

How high up is this?

Hope you brought your diaper.

Oh f*ck.

Think they got this?

Oh f*ck, no.

Well, she's a tight squeeze,

so it's a good thing

you got narrow hips.

And shoulders.

The f*ck?

Put some coal on

the fire good sir.

We got work.

Weed doesn't f*ck

your cardio my a*s.

I'm just not good at stairs.

Well, I guess we

better suit up.

So it looks like you're

gonna be horizontal

and tied up like a knot.

That elbow there,

it's right f*ck.

And I don't know

who f*cked it up.

It's gotta be an engineer.

Well, let's fix it.

Hold that.

- Yeah mon.

Okay.

- Alright. Shield.

Backwoods: Shield.

- Yessir.

What else?

Let's get Dewey's

robot arm on.

Backwoods:

Alright.

Hope he knows what

the f*ck he's doing.

If this works.

Tell me when it's on.

Wait, one more thing

Do not f*ck this up.

You wanna do it?

No I do not!

That's what I thought.

Stupid f*ck' spot.

Backwoods:

That's it, brother.

Squeeze in there like a

dirty f*ck' old sock.

Todd:

sh*t! f*ck' metal grating.

f*ck.

You gettin' it?

- Nope.

Rod:

Shouldn't we do something?

Get 'em some tools

or somethin'?

No, Rod. Nobody moves.

Nobody gets hurt.

If they need anything

they'll radio or yell at us.

No news is good news.

Todd:

This arm is f*cked!

Backwoods:

Quit bitching!

f*ck there Backwoods.

I have to do it by hand.

Backwoods:

sh*t.

This thing is

f*ck' clunky, man.

We've wasted enough time with

Dewey's piece of sh*t science.

f*ck the robot arm then.

You don't need it anyways.

Just like riding a bike.

No shield?

What are you gonna do,

the old "safety squint"?

I can't get my

head in there.

I'm going blind and

I'm going left-handed.

I'm sorry, lemme just clear the

sh*t outta my f*ck' ears.

You're going south-paw?

That or we tear

the platform apart.

Backwoods:

Holy f*ck, brother.

What's the plan?

Pass me the f*ck' stinger.

Not that stinger, jackass.

It's right in front of ya.

Some helper you are.

You could have at least

passed me the f*ck' rod.

What kind of crazy twisted

wizard d*ck are you makin'?

Todd:

It's the only

way to get at it.

Backwoods:

I guess I should have lubed

ya up and shoved you in there.

Todd:

What are you sayin'?

Backwoods:

Nothing. I farted.

What the f*ck is going on?

Here we go.

Backwoods:

Give her sh*t.

Todd:

Oh yeah, it sounds good.

May the welding

gods be with us!

Taser:

Did Todd order OT meals?

Nom.

Todd:

Ow. sh*t. This sh*t is hot.

Is it workin'?

Did you do it?

I don't wanna brag,

but that bead is tighter

than a squirrel's a*s.

Hey Phil, ya lazy f*ck.

You wanna peel yourself off

that chair and check the weld?

Make sure she holds.

Come on.

Todd's a pro, but we still

gotta see if it lights.

What's he sayin'?

Will you shh?

Were you gonna kiss me?

What? I'm askin'.

Goldenarm is back, baby!

Okay everyone,

the flare stack

is ready to go.

You still gotta light it.

Yeah. No sh*t.

I'm glad I cancelled my dinner

plans for this gathering.

Bennett:

Thank you, sir.

We're happy to have

you here, ah, Chuck.

Shut up.

What is goin' on?

I told them everything.

These two have been

embezzling from the company.

That's why there

are discrepancies.

Bennett:

And that's why I had

the heart attack.

It comes with the

territory of being a leader.

Charles:

Look at who you're relying

on for this information,

a lunatic, a junkie.

His f*ck' brain's

like a kicked in pumpkin.

Alright, tap the brakes,

Chuck.

Do I constantly crave

the sweet release

that stimulants provide?

Yes.

Do I act on that craving?

Yes I do.

But am I a junkie?!

No sir, I am not a junkie.

You're accusing your boss

and the owner of this

company of embezzling?

Coercion, attempted m*rder.

Jesus.

It's Mr. Huge!

Mr. Protein Pig.

Has anyone ever told you you

have a very unhappy face?

You should get

that looked at.

I'm not going anywhere, man!

He's a f*ck' idiot!

Accusations have

ramifications.

I'm 73 years old and I

got highly paid lawyers

that'll keep this in the

courts till I'm f*ck' dust.

And go f*ck yourself!

We just busted our asses

off to get this thing rockin'

and he just waddles away

like a f*cked up penguin?

I don't have a law degree,

but he is guilty.

Allegations are one thing,

proof is another.

Charles has been cagey since

you two flagged accounting.

I need to speak to some people

but this is far from over.

Okay, good.

Todd, your work on this

project is impressive.

Very quick turnaround.

Thank you, Jamar.

And now if Medhi's

innovation works,

it could make the

company millions.

Leave Charles to

me and the Board.

We'll do a full

investigation.

Don't you worry.

Okay, good.

Jimi :

Todd, come in.

Wipe your a*s and

pull up your pants.

It's time.

Copy that.

Backwoods:

Don't look down the barrel.

Jimi:

Hey, numbnuts.

What are you doin'?

Hey, what the f*ck

are you doin'?

You never take

him hunting?

This guy? No, he

wouldn't sh**t a bird.

Here. I'll get

the next one.

Dewey:

I never get to sh**t.

Jimi:

f*ck off, Dewey.

Easy, easy.

Up, up, up, up,

up, up, up, up!

You gotta be able

to hold this back.

Jimi:

And c*ck it back.

c*ck that thing back

and don't f*ck it up.

It's bad luck if you

miss on the first try.

Dewey:

Double rainbow.

Backwoods:

Not bad, Rook.

Did you sh**t?

sh*t, sorry Jimi,

the valve wasn't open.

Try again.

Doesn't count.

Thanks. We're good.

Okay, here we go.

How's it going?

Just wait, just wait.

All right. Giddy up.

Actually f*ck' did it!

Yeah, they did.

Yeah!

You gettin' this, Medhi?

Medhi:

Yes! Yes, we did it!

Patient:

f*ck off!

f*ck you!

Phil, how we lookin'?

Remember how you

were gloating

about that 25% clean

air/burn increase?

I'm seeing 29.

Oh.

Is that good?

Yes.

- That's good, right?

Yeah, that's good.

What's up?

- Hey.

Hey Todder.

- Hey TaterTodd.

Fellas.

- Todder.

What up, Todd?

- How's it goin'?

Good.

Same thing. On his tab.

The f*ck you are!

Guy makes ten bucks

an hour more than me.

You can pay you cheap prick.

Actually, Site Manager

makes 15.85 more than you.

Holy sh*t!

But that hasn't

been confirmed.

And I'll believe it

when it happens.

Thanks for having

my back, brother.

Hey, I can't think of anybody

who deserves it more than you.

Straight up.

Thank you, bro.

And I mean, honestly,

the amount of c*ck

that you had to suck

to get to the top

is-is remarkable.

News Reporter :

In breaking news

Taser:

Yo, turn that TV up!

News Reporter :

Former Site Manager at the

Conch Industries' refinery

has entered a voluntary plea

agreement with the government

on embezzlement and other

charges relating to his time.

Oh wow. They

used the mugshot

when he got caught

with the hooker.

They forgot to charge

him for being a f*ck.

Alright, you clearly don't know

how the judicial system works.

Good talking to you, f*ck.

Backwoods:

Shh! Everyone shut the

f*ck up for a minute!

CEO and owner, Charles Conch,

was taken into custody.

I'm innocent!

I didn't do nothing.

News Reporter :

He is facing a long list of

charges including embezzlement,

tax fraud.

Now we here at the news team

reached out to Conch Industries

for a statement and

what this might mean

for the refinery

in the near future.

Their only

comment was to say

that no decisions

have yet been made

about management

and operations.

Todd:

Sounds to me like we

could still be f*cked.

Backwoods:

I hear that, brother.

Maybe Chelsea

will keep her job.

Todd:

Who f*ck' knows?

Oh, you think Miss Nakamura

is gonna stick around?

Best not to think

in these parts.

Mm-hmm.

Dewey:

One more game?

Taser:

Pony up. Come on.

Dewey:

That's my rent money.

Taser:

Dewey needs a roommate!

Steph:

Shut the f*ck up, Dewey!