02x02 - Mythological Creatures

[bunniefuu]

BENNY: Previously on
Doogie Kamealoha M.D...

Last one in's a rotten egg!

NOELANI: How's
long-distance going?

It's gonna take a lot more than
5,071 miles to keep us apart.

So I just got
sponsored by Nuked!

So do you wanna do
our date another time?

Yeah, Blake's throwing this impromptu
party together for me to celebrate.

Your brother is the
perfect man. I'm a catch!

One day he'll realize that and we'll
spend the rest of our lives together.

(soft chuckle)

BRIAN: He doesn't deserve you.

Good day, mates!

This is your buddy, Blake?

Last one in's a rotten egg!

What the...

(gentle music)

And then I found out that
Walter's surf friend Blake

is an actual human woman
that looks like this.

Yup, you and Walter are
done. Relationship over.

Bye!

Steph, okay, no, this isn't
one of those stupid '80s movies

my mom's always trying
to get me to watch, okay?

Girls don't necessarily have to
be in competition with each other.

Unless that girl
looks like Blake.

(motorcycle engine revs)

(tires screech)

Hey!

I'm walkin' here!

My grandma Shirley's
from Manhattan.

(upbeat music)

(scoffs)

Jerk.

(tires screech)

(motorcycle engine revs)

At least if you and Walter
break up because of Blake,

we can be single together.

Kai and I kissed months ago, and
we still haven't talked about it.

- Not even at the Shave Ice truck?
- No.

I only got that job to push things
along, but it's gotten me nowhere.

I just need a moment
alone with him.

It's just tough because
his dad is always around.

You mean my dad?

Sorry, it's just weird talking
about my brother like that.

I feel you.

But I can't be in
limbo with my...

nameless coworker forever.

I still know who
you're talking about.

But back to Walter and his wildly
hot not-a-man friend, Blake.

Things have just been rocky
since he got back from Australia.

Well, I'm sure everything will go back
to normal now that he's back at home,

living with his aunties.

Sharing a bathroom with 16
middle-aged women keeps you humble.

WALTER: Woo!

Hey.

Sorry I'm late. But guess what?

Now that I'm sponsored by Nuked,

they're moving me and my surf
buddies into their official house.

It's like this insane three-story
mansion on the North Shore.

- Bye-bye, aunties.
- Oh, my God?

More changes.

Yay!

(theme music)

(gentle music)

Hey, Dad, do you mind
if I borrow this?

I'm making bulgogi for Walter
as a housewarming present,

using your recipe
and everything.

Just make sure you get that
back. That's my good Tupperware.

Can't believe Walter gets
to live at the Nuked House.

I'm so excited to party there.

It's my senior year.
It's time to go hard.

- Hm.
- Like in a schoolular sense.

Well, your partying's
gonna have to wait.

I want us all to go up to
the ranch this weekend.

Yeah, I don't know about a
trip to the ranch right now.

I am up to my neck in
very important work.

Grandma is downsizing, and she
just sent her Christmas village.

The lighthouse tower and
Mr. Timbley's Bookshop

got a little banged up on
their way from Pennsylvania.

So look what I just
bought. A glue g*n.

(laughs)

Talk about going hard.

This glue is about to
go hard when it cools...

between two items.

You get it?

You know, how glue
works. (clears throat)

Mom! You really should
just go down to the ranch.

I mean, take your weird little glue
weapon and make it a whole weekend.

Yeah, nice try, but I'm not
leaving you at the house alone.

One time you threw a party
while I was at Costco.

All right, I'm off
to work, okay? Bye.

I'll go to the ranch, Dad.

There's the spirit!

I've been working on
my plans for the land.

An amusement park called Brian Patrick
Enterprises Presents: BrianPatrickLand.

Of course, once
the park's a hit,

I'll expand to film, VR,
a 24-hour news network.

Then space tourism and
a line of pizza bagels.

Space tourism,
then pizza bagels?

(chuckles)

But the dream starts with getting
some specs for my contractors.

Brian Patrick, you know that there's
already contractors at the ranch.

The Menehune!

(Clara gasps)

Looks like we're gonna
have to get the book!

- No.
- (all laugh)

Not the book.

He loves this.

The Legend of the Menehune
by Brian Keaulana.

BENNY: "Hawaiian legend has it

that the Menehune are a race
of people tinier than most.

Rarely seen by human eyes,

the Menehune watch from afar the
goodness of the Hawaiian people.

Master builders
and crafts people.

The Menehune work in
the cover of night.

To give back to those who give."

If we go up to the ranch, we
can look for the Menehune.

BRIAN: Dad.

There's only one tiny person who
I'm concerned about right now,

and that's me.

Trying to figure out if you
could charge to use the bathroom

based on what you do in there.

CLARA: Oh.

(light music)

Wait, so you guys are thinking
about living together?

Oh, medical school debt is real.

We've already started
looking at apartments.

Have you ever seen House
Hunters set in Hawaii,

and at first, it all
looks really beautiful,

and then you find out everything
costs a billion dollars

and also the couple
should get divorced?

Right now, we're deciding between
two apartments in our price range.

A one bedroom that's super nice
and a two bedroom, no bath.

(clears throat)

- You're gonna share a room?
- NOELANI: Yeah!

We just went to HomeWorld and
asked about adult bunk beds.

And guess what we found out?

- That's not a thing.
- Not a thing.

Right. (scoffs)

(scoffs)

I will be right back.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't my friend,
the dirt biker.

Your daredevil ways finally
caught up to you, huh?

What are you here for?
Concussion? ACL tear?

Nope. Cancer.

Dude, it's not funny
to joke about cancer.

Let's see why you're
actually here.

(clicks tongue)

(somber music)

LAHELA: Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.
(awkward chuckle)

- I thought...
- Because of my shampoo commercial hair?

Yeah, no, it's just
leukemia is back again.

No, I meant because of how you
were riding your bike earlier, I...

Hey, I get it. You are not
the first person to think

that my cancer is
a dirt bike injury.

A couple of years ago, my leg
just wouldn't stop hurting,

and I thought it was because I
was messing around on some ramp

that me and my buddy made out of
a swing set in his yard, but nope.

Acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

And I have been in and out
of hospitals ever since, so.

Doctor, can I ask
you a question?

Yes, of course.

Oh, okay, um...

What is the treatment for when you
put your own foot in your mouth?

I deserve that.

I'm Dr. Kamealoha by the way.

I figured it was you.

You know, I go to your old
high school, Liliuokalani High.

Occasionally.

I'm Nico, but you
saw that in my chart.

You know, with the
chemo and the cancer.

- It's nice to officially meet you, Nico.
- Yeah.

We have a fantastic
oncology department,

and I'm just so sorry we
got off on the wrong foot.

I mean, you know what
I mean. (chuckles)

You should see your
face right now.

You know, maybe you should
check into this hospital.

If you need tips, I am very, very
friendly with registration, so I got you.

Hm. (soft chuckle)

(upbeat music)

Hey!

Hey! Happy move-in day.

I brought you some bulgogi.

- My dad's recipe. Your favorite.
- Oh!

Thank you, but I'm actually
not eating meat right now.

The team's going
vegan for training.

Oh, okay. Well, I will
keep this as a car snack.

You never know what
might happen on the H-3.

I can't wait for you
guys to meet the team.

This is Ty, Adam...

Sonny, and Blake's
running around somewhere.

Oh, I bet she is.

Yo, we had the most amazing time
with your boy Walter in Australia.

Oh, good. I'm so glad.

Remember when we went cliff-jumping
at Blairgowrie Jumping Rock

- outside Melbourne?
- Yeah.

Oh, remember our Switch
Your Clothes party?

(all laugh)

Remember when we got
briefly lost at sea?

Lost at sea?

That sounds like a crazy
story. I would love to hear it.

Remember holding your phone
out like... (whooping)

- Authorities! Authorities!
- (all laugh)

You called the authorities
there, the boat police.

- Oh, mega grommage, bro!
- Super stokage.

I guess we should've done Surf
Hottie Duolingo on the way over here.

Yeah.

So, uh, where is your
room? I'll help you unpack.

Oh, thanks.

It's upstairs.

Oh, guess what.

I'm rooming with Blake.

Mega grommage! (chuckles)

(light music)

(sighs)

Girl, I know it's not the '80s, but if
you were ever to be jealous of Blake,

now might be the time to do it.

I know, that one's not even,
like, legally a swimsuit.

Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear
your shockingly loud American voice.

Well, her grandma Shirley's
from Manhattan, so...

Ha.

Lahela, I'm going to tell you
something I would want to hear

if my boyfriend was rooming
with some random girl.

I'm not into Walter like that.

Aw. (scoffs)

- I wasn't worried.
- I was.

I'm Steph.

I'm Blake, nice to meet you.

Walt is basically
my brother now.

The team became like
a family in Australia.

So many wild nights and parties.

One time we even
got lost at sea.

- (laughs)
- Yeah, I heard about that.

Kind of.

I love that Walter has
a girlfriend like you.

A doctor who cares about
more than just having fun?

We're all gross
little sand crabs.

But you're not a partier at all

and from what Walter tells
me, you're more like a parent.

Uh... No, that's not true.

I am wild.

Sometimes I send prescriptions
straight to the pharmacy myself

instead of pending them for
an attending to sign off on.

Ha! Well, I'm gonna go
grab some more of my stuff,

but, uh, feel free to
put away my formal wear.

I'm fun. (scoffs)

I... I'm totally fun. Uh...

And like all fun people I'm gonna
work really, really hard to prove it

and then rub it in
everyone's faces.

What are you doing?

- It's cute, right?
- Take it off!

In a fun way.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.

I've been thinking.

You know, you have
been working so hard.

A night at the ranch
could help rejuvenate you.

So I threw together this fun little
go-bag so you can just, like, go.

(laughs) Get out, girl.

I got your hot glue g*n and
Mr. Wimbledon's bookstore and...

It's Timbley's Bookshop.

Oh, of course,
it is. (chuckles)

And you can go to town on it with
that hot glue g*n at the ranch,

and I'll keep an eye on Kai.

A night at the ranch does sound
relaxing, and I would feel so much better

knowing you are here,
holding down the fort.

- Well, fort held.
- Oh, great!

I'll go tell Brian
Patrick to start packing.

The kid always brings, like,
30 stuffies and a razor.

- Well, have fun!
- Thanks!

Yo. What's going on?

We are having a
party at the house.

What?

I've been waiting
for this moment

since you graduated from
diapers to Pull-Ups.

- Six months before you did.
- Um-hm.

- I'm inviting the whole senior class.
- Whoa!

No, I don't have
enough roles for that.

Rolls?

Like hot dogs? We having a Q?

No. Roles, like parts, because we
are throwing a m*rder Mystery Party.

But what theme?

Masquerade Ball
m*rder Mystery Party?

Old West m*rder Mystery Party?

Gangsters and Molls
m*rder Mystery Party?

Stop saying words
in front of "party."

Okay, trust me, this m*rder Mystery
Party is going to be k*ller.

See, I'm fun!

So do you want to be at
the flapper's date or...

the dandy archeologist?

(light music)

BrianPatrickLand will celebrate all things
fun and also all things Brian Patrick.

So, the theme park is
all the things you like?

Or the theme park is
about you as a person?

I would say both.

Can't say we didn't raise
kids with healthy egos.

Hm.

And all this land over here?

Parking.

Black top. As far
as the eye can see.

Eh... Brian Patrick.

It's about stewardship of
the land, not ownership.

We ask permission
before we give permits.

We ask the trees to guide us.

- We ask the stars...
- Okay, okay.

Yo, stars.

Can I build a parking
lot over there?

(light music)

Oh, 100 percent.

Lahela!

If you ever need a
DocuSign tutorial,

then just let us know because
we just signed a lease, baby.

- Oh, yay!
- We went for the nicer one bedroom

because who wants to do an 18-hour shift
and then take a shower in the kitchen?

Not Chucky, not Noe-Noe.

Our new bunk bed isn't
coming in for a while,

so we're both sleeping
on Charles's old bed.

(whispers) She is
such a cover hog.

What? I am not.

You just run hot and kick them off.
You're like a man-shaped crock pot.

Yeah, well, your feet are so cold,
they could have taken down the Titanic.

Okay, well, as much as I
would love to stay here

and check Charles's vitals
and get to the bottom of this,

I actually have
a patient to see.

- But congrats, guys.
- Thanks.

Thanks.

- There's nothing wrong with me.
- Oh, my gosh.

There's something wrong with me.

I'm telling you, it's clogged.

Okay, well, it is my job
and legal requirement

to verify that claim, so.

But you're right.

Your PICC is backed up, so I'm
just going to flush it out.

Is that a 10 cc
normal saline syringe?

Yes, it is. Why?

Okay, well, I wouldn't use that.

I would use a 3 cc
normal saline syringe.

Well, that is not
part of the protocol.

Okay, well, then your protocol
doesn't understand physics.

It's Pascal's
principle, all right?

A smaller volume syringe exerts
greater pressure or force

on the plunger than
a larger syringe.

Aren't you the child genius?

Yes, and I'm also your doctor,
so I will be using the 10 cc.

Okay, you're wasting both of our
time because I'm going to need a TPA.

And I'm sure the hospital would
love you spending an extra 7k

on something just for kicks.

Isn't your mom the
new Chief of Staff?

Fine, I will use the 3 cc.

Hm.

(quirky music)

Okay. Maybe you do know
what you're talking about.

Yeah, I would hope so.
I've spent, like...

three Christmases in hospitals,
a couple of birthdays,

and I have hung out with more
volunteers dressed up as Spider-Man

than actual children.

Yeah, I've spent a few Christmases
and birthdays here as well.

Yeah, but you choose
to spend them here.

I did not choose to
grow up in a hospital.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

What's wrong with you anyway?

Like, shouldn't you be out with
your friends doing crazy things?

Like regular stuff, like, I
don't know, jamming nine people

- in the back of a Dodge Neon?
- Hmm.

I'm actually having
a party tonight.

You? A party?

- Yup.
- Really?

It's m*rder mystery themed.

Oh, God.

What?

Okay, if you are reading directions out
loud at any point, then it's not a party.

Better or worse if the
directions are distributed

via little laminated cards?

Are you be... Worse.

Much, much worse.

- That's what I thought.
- Hm.

KAI: You know you're
my favorite...

Forget a m*rder mystery.

New plan, we're
throwing a rager.

Oh, hell yeah!

Nuked is terrible.

KAI: I like it.

- Cheers!
- Woo!

BOTH: Woo!

("Evolution of 909" by DJ
Fernando do Miami Bass)

(indistinct chatter)

You look amazing.

You look amazing!

(both squeal)

You know how I was just saying that
I needed to find the right moment

to talk to Kai?

Well, this party is that moment.

I'm gonna hit the dance floor,

bust out my moves I've been
perfecting with the Royals.

And then once I have
his attention, bam!

I ask him...

"What's up?"

Great.

- Good for you.
- (giggles)

Thank you for this opportunity to
bring me closer to your brother.

That's not...

Yeah, okay.

- I got to go.
- Okay, yeah.

Good luck.

(laughter)

Oh, dude, we have
to surf Burgerworld.

It's one of the longest
waves in the Mentawais.

Yes.

Yes.

My dad calls the deep freezer
in the garage Burger World,

if you guys want to check
that out. (soft chuckle)

So, are you guys having fun?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

No, no, this is like an
amazing party, Lahela.

But speaking of your dad, are you
sure your parents are cool with this?

You mean my boss and her
friend, the shave ice guy?

Who cares what they think?

- You usually do.
- Yeah!

MAN: Woo!

Aw. It's almost like we're
back in Australia again.

Or maybe lost in the
middle of the ocean.

Authorities! Authorities!

- Yeah, we get it I was scared.
- It's funny.

Okay, I don't know about
the authorities, but...

But...

Did anyone in
Australia ever do this?

Wait until you see
what I'm gonna do.

♪ I'm way too fine to
be this stressed, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, I'm not the girl
I was or used to be ♪

♪ Uh, I might be better ♪

♪ Turn up the music
turn down the lights ♪

♪ I got a feelin' I'm
gon' be all right ♪

♪ Okay, all right ♪

♪ It's about damn time ♪

What are you doing?

Being fun.

Ta-da.

MAN: She's crazy.

(man whoops)

Woo!

(all cheer)

What were you thinking?

You're crazy!

(inaudible chatter)

(mellow music)

The boy may act like the
next roller coaster tycoon,

but I just had to make sure Brian Patrick
was breathing under all his stuffies.

(both laugh)

Thank you. Oh.

(sighs)

Sometimes it makes me sad he's
such a little businessman.

He doesn't have a
connection to the land.

Yeah.

We used to run all over
the ranch together,

looking for the little
structures the Menehune built.

(chuckles)

But now he doesn't even believe.

I just wish there was a way to
make him see the magic again.

Oh.

I have an idea.

- Follow me.
- (soft chuckle)

(upbeat music)

Did you know that Australian
farms produce 93 percent

of the total volume of
food consumed in Australia?

Oh, I thought Walter said you
weren't the smart brother.

SONNY: Yeah! (laughs)

- Sonny! No!
- SONNY: Yeah!

Look at me!

(Sonny laughs)

- SONNY: Woo!
- Okay, get down!

- LAHELA: That is way too high. Get down!
- Yeah, baby!

I should have known
this was gonna happen.

Any time someone does something
crazy, Sonny has to go even bigger.

We had to lie and tell him there
was only one Jackass movie.

Sonny, stop!

Nuked! Nuked! Nuked!

Please, just get down.

SONNY: Nuked! Nuked! Nuked!

- Are you seeing this?
- Come on, boys!

Yes, but are you seeing me?

Dude, we kissed.

We hang out all the time.

I fully helped you pick
tomatoes last week.

Can't you just tell me
what's going on between us?

Uh...

Say something!

I'm done.

I'm too good for this.

Why am I wasting my youth, my beauty,
my endless Spice Girls trivia,

my k*ller dance moves on a guy who
will clearly never appreciate me?

Steph out.

SONNY: Nuked! Nuked!
Nuked! Nuked! Nuked!

(cheering) Yeah!

Please, just get down!

(grunts) Yeah! Yeah!

- How about this one? Authorities.
- BLAKE: Sonny! Stop!

Oh! (groans)

SONNY: My arm!

I'm gonna lose my sponsorship.

Okay, come on. Let's
get you out of here.

- Come on.
- (groans)

Luckily, it was just
a dislocated shoulder.

So you'll be in a
sling for three weeks

and then you should have
full range of motion.

So I'm gonna be able to
finish the surf season?

Yeah, as long as everything heals
properly and you stay out of my palm tree.

I'm just gonna get started
on your discharge paperwork.

Thank you, Lahela, for taking
such amazing care of our friend.

Yeah.

I don't know what we would
have done without you there.

We are so lucky to know someone who
isn't just another Nuked-chugging,

hard-partying, wave chaser.

Yeah.

Thank God you're
nothing like us, right?

(all chuckle)

Well, it's still early.

Are you guys hungry? We could
get some cheese fries at Zippy's?

We're all vegans, remember?

Oh, right.

Uh, the onion rings are vegan.

You know, it's, it's
been an insane night.

I think we're all just going to head back
to the surf house, rest up for training.

Okay, yeah.

Another one for the
books, Sonny boy.

Just legendary.

(all chuckle)

BLAKE: What are we
gonna do with you?

- SONNY: Break my other arm?
- (Blake laughs)

What?

Wanna come mess with
my PICC line again?

Maybe clean it out with
a boba straw. (chuckles)

Wait, aren't you supposed to
be throwing a party tonight?

Yeah, I did, and then
somebody got hurt.

So now I'm back here.

Oh, damn.

There was a real m*rder at
the m*rder mystery party?

No, I actually
threw a party-party.

When you said that I chose to
spend my teen years in a hospital,

you kind of got in my head.

Wait, what?

You actually listened to me?

No doctor ever pays
attention to me.

They usually just tune me out
because I'm just some sick kid.

Well, I listened,
and you were right...

Ah... I can buy all
the Nuked in the world,

I can even jump off a
roof, but I'm not fun.

Hey, I get it. I mean, that's
how I feel all the time.

Zero fun.

I mean, unless you consider
fun being hooked up

to a bunch of tubes all the time, but
it just makes me feel crazy, you know?

It makes me go crazy.

(exhales deeply)

That is why you were going
so fast on your dirt bike.

Yeah. 'Cause I never know when
it's gonna be my last time...

having fun.

I have been a cancer
kid for a long time.

And if you're feeling
weird socially

because you're stuck in this
hospital all the time like I am,

you should say something.

We do not live normal lives, so you
should tell people how you're feeling.

Thanks, Nico.

Okay, can we please revisit this
whole jumping off the roof thing?

Like, I need to
hear every detail.

Please tell me you shouted something
badass when you jumped off.

Hmm.

Mom and Dad, it's been nice
yukking it up with you,

but I really need these specs if I'm
going to make the 2028 bagel launch.

What the...

BENNY: Look at him.

CLARA: Okay, play it
cool, play it cool.

Wait, there's no way you two could
pull off this structural engineering.

Maybe the Menehune are real.

- You believe!
- (both laugh)

Yeah, I guess I'll
find another spot

for Brian Patrick Enterprises
Presents: BrianPatrickLand.

(both laugh)

Great job finishing these.

The village you did was
fine, but this is amazing!

BENNY: I mean, when
did you do this?

I was up before you.

Benny, I didn't finish it.
I thought you finished it.

Well, looks like the Menehune
recognized our goodness.

(both chuckle)

- So you finished it, right? You did.
- BENNY: No.

(Benny sighs)

CLARA: Yes, it's
nice to be home.

- (Benny grunts)
- (Clara clears throat)

- Okie dokie.
- Hm.

(quirky music)

Kai!

Where did all those
cans come from?

Did you throw a party?

Uh...

Uh, no, no. (chuckles)

It was me.

- You threw a party?
- But...

That's so...

teenager-y.

Well, you know, to be fair,
it wasn't a real party.

Walter just got
sponsored by Nuked,

and so Steph and I had a
little group over to celebrate.

Because, you know, you gotta celebrate
every win, like Dad always says.

I do say that.

And I guess people got a little carried
away with all the free energy drinks.

Well, I'm glad you
had a good time.

CLARA: Just throw that.

Clean this up.

Why did I just have
to "Kai" Mom and Dad?

Gaslighting our parents
is your favorite art form.

What is wrong with you?

I don't know.

Has anyone ever
said anything to you

that just totally rocked your world
and you can't stop thinking about it?

(sighs, groans)

Awesome.

Hey, thanks for
taking a walk with me.

Oh, of course.

The wind was kind of intense so we ended
up knocking off practice a little early.

Walter...

are we drifting apart?

What? No.

It's just... You changed
so much in Australia.

I've been working, you know,
like always, but you...

did all these exciting things.

But, I mean, it feels like
you changed a lot, too.

You're the one that
jumped off that roof.

True.

And I expect those stunts from
Sonny or Blake, but my girlfriend?

I like hearing you say
"girlfriend." Feels so normal.

(chuckles)

But a lot of things in
my life aren't normal.

Like spending my teen
years in a hospital.

Sometimes I worry
that I'm not fun.

No way. You're the most fun.

Really?

Yeah.

You make walking down a beach feel like
I'm riding the biggest wave in the world.

Listen, neither of us have
normal kid jobs right now,

but we still love each other.

That's all that matters, right?

Right.

I love you, Lahela.

I love you, too.

Come here.

The truth is, deep down,
sometimes I feel really insecure

and different than
everyone else.

But you don't have to
change yourself to fit in.

You just have to be
open about who you are

and the right
people will notice.

- You ready, mate?
- Yeah.

We hitting the beach or what?

I brought you
girls some bikinis.

These are just strings.

Are we supposed to
knit them ourselves?

(all laugh)

STEPH: Five, six. A
one, two, three...

LAHELA: Wait, wait,
wait, no, no, no!

Okay, okay, okay.

Five, six, seven, eight,
one, two, three, four.

(indistinct chatter)

LAHELA: Again!

GIRLS: One, two, three, four.

(girls laugh)

(closing theme music)

KIDS: Mom.

(man grunts)