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02x03 - Message from the Chief

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Doogie Kameāloha, M.D.". Aired: September 8, 2021 – March 31, 2023.*
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Lahela "Doogie" Kameāloha is a child prodigy juggling her teenage life and family with an early medical career, as well as having to deal with balancing her relationship with her mother, who is also her boss.

02x03 - Message from the Chief

Post by bunniefuu »

Your ribs are healing nicely.

The swelling will subside soon,
along with any shortness of breath.

When can I play
soccer again, Doc?

I wouldn't push it.

Broken ribs are no joke,
and you had three of them.

You've been resting up, right?

Yeah, just chilling at the
indoor pool at our rental.

It's all-natural, which is cool.

Chlorine usually
tints my hair green.

Oh, there is a fascinating chemical
process that makes that happen

that I won't bore you with.

It's oxidized metals!

Bye.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be leaving
for your big family vacay at Aulani?

If it were me, there would be a
Noelani-shaped hole in the wall

and a Noelani-shaped
butt in the sands.

I will leave in a minute.

There's just always
so much work to do.

No, I think the problem
is you can't not work.

Doogie, why are you still here?
You're supposed to be on vacation. Go.

Hm. I see some of us have already taken
advantage of Dr. Hannon's absence.

Well, when the boss is
away, thighs will play.

Also, I rode my bike to work
and I forgot to pack pants.

Attention. Second-year residents

report to the ambulance bay.

Residents to the ambulance bay.

Ooh. I wonder what we got!

Ah! I knew this was the only
way to get you to leave.

Mom, it is very irresponsible
to abuse the hospital PA system.

Get in the car, nerd.

- Bye!
- Bye!

Oh, so it's okay to use the PA
system to call your daughter,

but when I use it to call out
the hottie with the green eyes,

suddenly, it's a HR issue?

Dr. Lee, put some pants on.

Go. Back to work.

Staycation mode activated.

I'm excited for the luau.

So we can get our yearly family
photo in our matching aloha wear.

Behold.

This year's print!

Ooh.

- As is tradition, everyone gets one.
- Nice. Oh, thank you.

Go.

Sweet.

Uh, Lahela, it's relax
time, not work time.

Dad.

You get this back at checkout.

- Oh.
- Your father's right. It's time to relax.

Which is why I studied the map
of Aulani and its amenities.

Then used that intel to create carefully
curated itineraries for each of you

based on age, swim level,
and ability to tan.

You only gave me 10 minutes to
eat my Mickey-shaped waffles?

I like to savor a
resort breakfast.

Mom, why do you have
to get so intense?

It's like joining the army,
but for being on vacation.

I like to get my money's worth.

This is what recharges me,

squeezing every ounce of fun, value,
and relaxation I can out of a vacation.

You're definitely squeezing
the fun out of it.

Oh, there we go, "defend
vacation philosophy."

Right on schedule.

Thank you.

All right, let's go. Let's go!

Stay on the itinerary.

Now we go to our room. Check.

Now that I'm the big one-three,

I'm ready to leave the kids
club and hit the teen scene.

Check this drip.

You're wearing a
neon mesh tank top?

The ladies love it.

Plus, I wear it at night when
I ride my bike for safety.

I'm going to go steam this.

Hey, so there's something on my mind
that I'd love to talk to you about.

Yeah, what's up?

Hm.

First floor? I was looking
forward to free soloing my way up.

Hey, Steph! I...

Uh...

Love your pom-pom
earrings. Are they new?

I literally wear them every day.

Oh, well, they're great.

I mean, they really
showcase how...

well-proportioned your
ear size is to your head.

Okay, um...

What was it that you
wanted to talk to me about?

Uh...

Never mind.

Okay.

Good, I don't need him around.

I promised myself
I'm done with him.

I'm finally ready to move on.

This trip is a full Kai detox.

Yes, but won't it be kind of
tough to start detoxing from him

while on vacation with him?

Yeah, but I'm not about to pass up
a free resort stay because of a man.

All right. Well, as your best friend,
I'm here to help you get over him.

Okay, but if I start
going through withdrawals,

I'm going to need to smell
your hair instead of his.

You smell his hair.

I mean, not when he's
awake. I'm not a creep.

Okay, by the end of this trip, I'm
going to be done thinking about Kai.

He'll just be another
stranger with great hair,

impeccable bone structure, the
most natural, delicate scent.

I said the end of the
trip, not the start.

Everything cool?

That's weird.

Our hospital app says

that my soccer player
patient was readmitted,

but there are no vitals or
notes, so I don't know why.

Babe, that's why
there's other doctors.

Okay, now back to Kai detox.

Okay, yeah. Uh...

- Should we order drinks?
- Ooh. Yes.

Maybe a virgin Mai Kai. I
mean, Kai Tai. I mean Kai Kai.

I don't understand why
they're not entering notes.

I'm her doctor. I need
to know what's going on.

Okay, new plan.

You go deal with your patient

because I know you won't be able to
focus on anything until it's resolved.

Meantime, I'll order us drinks.

Steph Denisco, you are the best.

After this I'm all
yours, I promise.

Excuse me. Hi. Could I
get a virgin Pina Kailada?

Damn it!

If they start handing out inflatable
guitars, I'm going to lose my mind.

How old are you?

I am proudly 13 years
of age, my good man.

Sorry, little guy.
I can't let you in.

My bosses raised the age to 14.

But he set up a tween hang zone for
eight to 13-year-olds like yourself.

A tea party. That's
pretty grown, bud.

And you love a chamomile tea.

Yeah, but it's no good without
my tin of Danish butter cookies.

Where is everybody? We're all supposed
to go for a canoe ride together.

The Wailana pool is open!

I got to go secure
the good chairs.

But what about the canoe?

Benny, please, this
is my Super Bowl!

Those man-made water
diversions aren't my speed.

Okay, you're slowing me down!

Guess it's just going to be me.

Oh, we're all full. But
I can offer you this.

What is this?

A tube for the lazy river.

The Real rivers aren't lazy.

They're hardworking,
industrious bodies of water

that over time can
carve vast canyons.

Got it?

Bro, you want the tube or not?

Oh, look at that. Somebody's
enjoying a man-made water diversion.

Clear my itinerary,
I'm a pool boy now.

Oh, Benny discovers
he loves pools.

You're 10 minutes early.

They got family-sized tubes.

- I'm going to find the kids.
- Oh, nice!

Lahela! Check me out!

Phone call. Old school.

Hey, I saw that my patient
Sydney was readmitted.

Why is she back? Did
I miss something?

It might be more than
just a rib injury.

She came back with a cough and a
little fever, but you can chillax.

We are monitoring it.

So, I did miss something?

We don't know.

That's why we call it
practicing medicine.

Can you just send me her chart?

Charles and Noelani are working
this. You need to trust them.

Your job now is to be a
teenage girl on vacation.

You know, put beads in your hair, take
Polaroids with your feet in the sand.

Pretend you're drunk
on a Shirley Temple.

Argue over which Jonas Brother
will most support your dreams

- of opening a cupcake shop.
- Are you done?

Crack open a Tiger Beat.

Learn to dance from
Patrick Swayze.

I cannot believe
you're a doctor.

Okay, my phone is on
silent, the screen is off.

I'm not going to
think about work.

And you are not going
to think about Kai.

- Are you seeing me as Kai right now?
- No.

You're right. We can do this.

We just need to
focus on our tans.

You might have missed a
diagnosis of pneumonia.

But her chest x-ray was normal.

Why didn't you dig deeper
into Sydney's dyspnea?

She has asthma.

But she's she swore that
she's been using her inhaler.

Hey, Doogie.

You missed that? Well, you're
not going to miss this.

I'm like Michael Phelps.

Dude! Anybody home?

Can you get my back or not?

I'm sorry, this soccer girl
case is driving me crazy.

- I have to figure this out.
- But, uh...

- Hey.
- You're not real.

- Uh, can I have a room key?
- Wait, are you real?

This is so hard!

Well, I do need the room key.

Jasmine, Belle, Elsa, if you
would excuse me for one moment.

Be a princess and save
me a plastic scone.

Hey, you ended up getting
your face painted.

It looks good.

Yeah, I'm trying to
make the best out of it,

but I still haven't
given up the dream.

Well, how about we solve this problem
the way kids have been solving it

since the beginning of time?

I stand on your shoulders and
wear an oversized trench coat?

We make a fake ID.

Hey, girl.

- Just thought I'd...
- Check in on my patient? I got this.

Please give me anything. Fine.

Sydney's soccer coach was just admitted
with the same breathing abnormalities.

Wait, the coach?

So maybe it has nothing to do
with the ribs. Maybe it's viral.

There's more. Sydney's
oxygen saturation is low.

What? How low?

Hey, is that super
genius? Give it.

- Please.
- But...

Hey, we got this, okay?

Go back to your
teen girl vacation.

You know, buying rainbow sand in a bottle
or circling cute boys in the year book...

Or singing Taylor
Swift into a hairbrush.

Hello? Hello?

She's having fun.

- Another mocktail mudslide?
- Keep them coming.

This one's on us.

Looks like you could
use some company.

What you going through, sister?

But, how did you know?

Nobody orders a second mudslide unless
they're really going through it.

This is my third today.

We've all gotten divorced in the
past five years. Paige twice.

We know one of our
own when we see one.

Wow.

You guys are good.

I love your sarongs. Aww.

We got them on a girls' trip in
Cabo after Paige's second divorce.

- Mel caught a marlin.
- And an accountant.

I'm on a girls' trip right now.

Yeah, my friend was supposed to be
helping me move on from this guy,

but she's working,
so I'm screwed.

You know what you got to do.

The whole fake it till
you make it thing.

I don't know how to do that.

Honey, you came to
the right place.

You came to me.

Sure!

♪ Let's go girls! ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ I'm going out tonight ♪

♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪

♪ Gonna let it all hang out ♪

♪ Wanna make some noise ♪

♪ Really raise my voice ♪

♪ Yeah, I wanna
scream and shout ♪

♪ The best thing
about being a woman ♪

♪ Is the prerogative
to have a little fun ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy ♪

♪ Forget I'm a lady ♪

♪ Men's shirts ♪

♪ Short skirts ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, really go wild ♪

♪ Yeah, doin' it in style ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Color my hair ♪

♪ Do what I dare ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free ♪

♪ Yeah, to feel the way I feel ♪

♪ I feel like a woman! ♪

Well, we got one
sideburn on there.

Yeah, but it's going down
the middle of my face.

Can you guys keep it down?

I'm trying to translate this French
study on lymphangioleiomyomatosis.

Hey, Lahela, that thing I
wanted to talk to you about?

Fever and cough paired
with worsening dyspnea

and now hypoxemia.

Of course. Pulmonary embolism.

I got to call
Noelani and Charles.

Do IDs list how many roller
coasters you've been on?

Oh, and can you give me
a five o'clock shadow

and make my eyes look
weary from the grind?

Hi. I need to triple confirm
our VIP luau seating.

Mr. Herschlag forgot his
seasickness medication?

He's headed for a
three-hour sunset cruise.

- I am so sorry. I'll be right back.
- Oh, okay.

Oh, here.

- Ma'am?
- Yeah.

Hi. We're trying to find where
the telescope stargazing will be.

Oh, well, um...

The hotel has you go out to the
left of the snorkeling area,

but I found the little walkway
by The Circle of 'Alae 'Ula

is actually a more direct route.

Perfect. Thank you so much!

Yeah.

Yeah, here.

Oh, no, I'm not the...

No, we insist.

Thank you for helping us have
the best vacation possible.

Oh, my pleasure.

Oh, moonrise is at 8:31, and it's
going to be a big, juicy boy.

Next!

Hey, big dog. Found my ID.

You know how things always fall out
of your wallet when it's not Velcro.

Oh.

Sorry, kid. Maybe next year.

What? This is my ID.

BP, it's fine.
It's just a party.

It's not just a party.
It's my whole life.

Lahela's a medical icon, you
look like a young George Clooney.

What do I have?

I'm sorry, buddy.

I didn't realize that
you felt this way.

Guess I haven't done a good job of
recognizing how anyone feels lately.

Or maybe ever.

Hey, why don't we do our own
party? Just the two of us.

I'm not leaving my little bro out here
with just a mesh tank and a broken heart.

Come on.

Okay, stop.

I miss my little brother.

He's been gone a while now.

Oh, no, he's alive. He's
just away for school.

Oh.

But, um, what do you say we
round up? Let's say you're 14.

Are you serious?
I love rounding.

One small step for Brian Patrick,
one giant leap for tween kind.

The Kamealohas.

Oh, just you?

Yeah. My family's
probably on the way.

We take this picture every year.

It's kind of my
favorite tradition.

Oh, there's my sweet daughter.

I knew she wouldn't let me down.

Where's your matching print?

The other doctors at the
hospital are acting like

I can't help with a medical
mystery because I'm on staycation.

But I'm a doctor with a
patient who's in danger.

What am I supposed to do?

Jump in the Tubestone Curl
water slide and forget about it?

Well, you need a tube for that.
I mean, it's actually really fun.

- Maybe tomorrow, me and you could...
- Can I borrow the car keys?

Sure. You go, I get it.

Okay.

Okay, big smile.

Uh, how about we try a fun one?

Pulmonary embolism.
I tried calling.

Sydney had shortness of
breath, fever, cough,

and with a sudden onset of low oxygen
saturation, we have to rule out a PE,

but a CT should confirm.

Way ahead of you, staycation.

Because her D-dimer was normal and
she has no risk factors for DVT.

So we ruled out your
big hero hypothesis.

Sometimes it's like you don't trust
us to handle anything without you.

Yeah, it's kind of
messed up, Doog.

It's Sydney, her oxygen
sat dropped to the 70s.

Doogie, we got this.
Move! That's an order.

Hey.

She's stable on four
liters nasal cannula.

She's still a little tachypneic,
but she's okay for now.

Still don't know what's
causing it, though.

Okay. I've been racking my brain
because we have to be missing something.

- I mean, what...
- Dr. Kamealoha, take a seat.

On your vacation, did you
spend any time with your family

or that adopted white girl?

Or did you just obsess
over the patient?

Well, Steph's not adopted.
She's just... around.

But you may have a point.

- Look, doctor burnout is a real thing.
- I know.

You say it every time you leave the
country to go gamble on exotic animal

races with the
other frat doctors.

Which is dope as hell.

Because taking a
break is important.

Stepping away helps us
see things more clearly,

which makes us better doctors.

Even your workaholic mom knows
she has to take a break sometimes.

The majestic sunset at Waimea Bay
does not wait for bathroom breaks.

Let's go! Let's go!

Ariel has left the ocean. I
repeat, Ariel has left the ocean.

God, I'm good!

Clara, what's your 20?
- Go for Claire Bear.

- We got to set up on point.
- Oh, I'm on it.

It's okay to lean
on your colleagues.

That's why we have
other doctors.

Yeah, I've been hearing
that a lot today.

There's always going to be another
patient, another case to solve.

But you only have one family.

Thanks, Dr. Lee.

Now get back to your
teen girl vacation

where you argue over which
BTS member has the best lips.

- But we all know it's clearly Jin.
- Jin.

I would have made a
great teenage girl.

We're off to the North Shore
for the rest of the trip.

We're going snorkeling.

There are some gorgeous specimens
in that water... and fish.

Husband number three, honey.

Oh, I'm going to miss
you guys so much.

Look at you, honey.

By missing us, you're starting
to not miss Kai anymore.

You're right.

I haven't thought about
him in, like, hours.

It's the first time
that's ever happened.

We got you a little something to
officially make you one of us.

You guys!

Now you're all good, honey.

I'm starting to be.

Never stop moisturizing.

No men with nicknames.

The stock market
is for girls, too.

Thank you!

Bye! Bye!

We love you.

- Nice shirt.
- Lahela.

I'm sorry that I
missed the photo, Dad.

I know how important
it is to you.

Well, you had to
go to the hospital.

Actually...

I didn't have to go.

There are great doctors there.

Where I should
have been is here.

Spending time with you guys.

With you all growing up so fast

and everyone always off
doing their own thing,

we don't have many
of these trips left.

I just wanted this
one to be special.

Aww.

Who said it won't be special?

But we already missed the luau.

Did we?

Mmm.

Right? Looks great!

How did you do all this when
you were at the hospital?

Well, I had some help.

I'm sorry I missed
the luau, Benny.

But luckily, I learned a thing or two
while working at the concierge desk

and was able to just
throw this together.

Thank you for doing this for me.

- Why are you so sweaty?
- And covered in glitter?

The Brian Patrick you
once knew is gone forever.

I became a teen man.
All thanks to Kai.

Quick! Let's get
together for a photo.

Oh, great! Okay.

Hey. I'm so sorry
that I bailed on you.

Don't worry about it.

No, I know this was such
an important trip for you,

and I'm your best friend.

You needed me and
I wasn't there.

Honey, we're all good.

I wear sarongs now.

I love it.

Everyone say "Hukilau!"

Hukilau!

Good. Let's do one more.

This time where the
dad's not crying.

The dad's crying happy tears.

Oh.

We don't have time to let all this
play out, so just get options.

Okay.

Hey. Do you think Mom's okay?

She was stressed out about not
having enough Chiavari chairs

for the Adams-Stroman wedding.

Yeah, and did she
make her own nametag?

It said Philadelphia, PA on it.

Oh, you keep saying that you want to
talk to me about something. What's up?

Okay. Um...

I don't know how you're going to take
this, so I'm just going to tell you.

I have feelings for Steph.

Steph?

My Steph?

The one that's obviously
been into you forever?

Well, the thing is, I think
I've been into her, too.

But she's your best friend,
practically part of the family.

Not in a weird way.

And I guess I may be
pushed down some feelings

because I wanted to
respect your friendship.

But then we kissed
on Walter's birthday,

and she laid it all out there
at the Nuked party and...

Look at you, all googly-eyed.

I know it's complicated,

but I don't want to do anything
if you're not cool with it.

Of course I will support
you. You're my brother.

But your timing sucks.

I mean, she spent this
entire trip getting over you.

Is that what she was doing with
the cougars from the continent?

I don't know, but if things
go poorly between you two,

just know I'm choosing her.

What?

Oh, sorry. Did I get
chlorine in your eye?

No, I'm fine.

Wait.

Chlorine.

Hey.

Oh, we were taking bets
on when you'd be back.

Are we wearing our
stethoscopes wrong?

I always forget which
end goes in the ears.

Okay, I'm sorry for acting like you
guys couldn't do anything on your own.

You're both amazing doctors.

It's just hard for me to
put down work sometimes.

I'm the same with
a sleeve of Oreos.

We get it, girl. We love you.

And we know it's only
because you care.

And since I know you're going to ask,
here's where we're at with Sydney.

We've gone through every case report
of dyspnea on unknown etiology.

And given the variables, we've narrowed
it down to environmental factors.

Right, I remember Sydney said that
she was recovering by the pool

at this all-natural
vacation rental.

Wait, you're saying that the pool
could have been chlorine-free?

Yeah, and if there
was a hot tub...

That could lead to
an NTM infection.

- Granulomatous Lung Disease!
- Granulomatous Lung Disease!

Hot Tub Lung.

Which is so much
more fun to say.

Without chlorine, I mean,
the steam from the hot tub

could become
contaminated by bacteria.

Yeah, and if you breathe
it in on a regular basis,

it can lead to the formation
of lung infiltrates.

Ali, tell radiology
we're getting a CT scan

and booking OR for a
bronchoscopy on Sydney.

Look at what we can do
when we work together.

So how did you get
to the hot tub angle?

In a weird way, Dr. Lee.

I mean, if he hadn't given
me that advice to step away,

I never would have gone there.

Why is that weird? Hot
people can be smart too.

By the way, NFTs are the future.

Can we say we did
it without him?

- Definitely.
- Yes.

I love being a doctor,

but I love my family even more.

It took a medical mystery
for me to realize that

a little downtime with
the people I love...

helps me be a better doctor.

Although, I fear medical
mysteries are easier to solve

than a star-crossed romance between
my brother and my best friend.

The thing I'm taking with
me is sometimes a break

leads to a breakthrough.

Mom.