02x03 - Shakespeare's 'Two Gentlemen of Coronavirus

[bunniefuu]

Tonight!

Still snacking on the craft service table,

it's Brennan Lee Mulligan!

Manning Queen Anne's Revenge in a storm,

it's Ross Bryant!

Gah!

Hold fast, boys!

And every manjack of ya will
live to see Southampton!

And hobbling
along in a full body cast,

it's Matt Apodaca!

If you don't mind getting
the door there, Matt.

No, I got it.

Appreciate it.

I'm okay, ugh.

Just, uh, yeah. Ah!

Sorry, excuse me.

They're all here to...

Make some noise!

Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good we
spun it off, unchanged.

I am your host Sam Reich.

Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before.

Isn't that right, players?

Never seen 'em.

Never.

Yeah, we've never seen them.

It is impossible to know
if you haven't seen them

until you see them for the first time.

The first prompt is Brennan's
Social Security number.

They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points

and the winner will take
home the coveted Golden Ear.

Which, if we could keep it down,

I just put it to sleep.

Players, are you ready to rumble?

Ya!

Oh yeah!

- Brennan.
- Yes.

A backwoods moonshine sommelier.

Welcome to Peppy's Food Log.

Ha, ha!

My name is Hickory Daniel

and I'll be your sommeler
for the evenings.

Now, this is our Folgers 1984.

It's called Folgers

because that's the coffee
can we brewed it in.

This one has a very delicate bouquet.

It smells like jet fuel.

Now, you look like a discerning customer,

so if you'd direct your
attention and focus here.

This is some triple X fire hooch.

This was brewed at the Mondavi Vineyard.

We didn't let Mr. Mondavi
know that we had a key

and could get in.

If you drink this you'll go blind

in your least favorite eye.

I mean, better than
your most favorite eye.

Yeah, for sure.

Hell yeah, Brennan!

Way to kick us off with a f*cking bang.

Woo!

A secret ingredient
amount of points for you.

Ross.
- Yes, sir.

A Beastie Boy overdubbing

just the last words in rap stanzas.

Shock!

Clack!

Manischevitz!

Knows where his head is!

Wow!

Street!

Repeat!

Like it or not!

Mr. Robot!

Today!

U-S-A!

All night!

Madeline Albright!

That's incredible, Ross.

I mean, way to find creative rhymes.

I challenge you to write the stanzas

that link all those together, internet.

TikTok, you heard the man.

Give us the full rap.

It's not just the last line,

the whole track is
about Madeline Albright.

Oh yeah, yeah.

That's just the first verse.

We're getting deep into foreign policy

in this Beastie Boys rap.

An "Intergalactic" amount
of points for you, Ross.

Taking us to Matt.

Hey.

A dinner guest hams up
loving food they hate.

I'm sorry, have y'all
had a bite of this?

Uh sorry, did you hear a
crash through that window

because my socks fell off my f*cking feet.

I can't believe this.

I'm gonna tear up.

Thinking about how good this ham is

and that you would share it with me.

Thank you so much, I'm
just gonna get another.

Ha, ha, if I was blind, I could see again.

This is the most amazing
food I've ever had.

And you made this with
your two bare hands?

Are you a witch?

I'm afraid that when we get
to dessert I'm gonna nut.

I will cut you off there.

Did you hear a crash,
because my socks came off?

Those socks are stiff!

A second helping
amount of points for you.

h*, h*, h* sign me up.

- Brennan.
- Ya!

Explaining the rules to
the board game Capitalism.

Yeah, I'm gonna.

So this is super fun.

I just wanna say right off the bat,

it's really, really fun.

So number one, the first rule,

and this is actually a
really cool game design,

is the game has already started.

You were actually born into
it the moment you were born.

They registered you with the game.

And what's sort of fun about that is,

the people who made the
game are always winning

and will always stay winning.

So, you are interacting with a world

in which everything either
has a monetary value,

or if it doesn't have a
monetary value, it is worthless.

So the cool thing about that
as a system is it's like,

oh, man, I have like
this piece of property.

And it's like, cool, that is worth

whatever you can get
someone else to pay for it.

It's a fixed amount when you're poor,

but if you're not poor...

And poor is a status condition
you can have in the game.

Which you all have.

So, if you have that status condition

then things are worth whatever

the rich people tell you and
they will act like it's fixed.

So here's an example, like debt, right.

So if you have debt and you are poor,

your debt points become real.

But if you get to rich status,

which, again, you can't do,

if you do...

But if you do, if you were born rich.

Like, that's another way.
So if you know a player,

so you can register online

and if you know a rich player,

all that has to happen is they die

and then you get their points,

you can become rich that way.

My god, Brennan.

I was like smiling and horrified.

My expression the whole time was like.

Ah!

"Do not pass go"
amount of points for you,

I think we'll say.

Ross.
- Yes, sir.

David Attenborough

f*cking hates toads.

And now moving on to the
wetter part of the forest.

Observe, if you will,
this slimy little denizen.

Neither fish nor fowl.

Perched right upon the
lip of the lapping brook.

This blob-like,

repellent,

belch of nature.

Evolution doesn't have a plan.

It makes frequent and
catastrophic mistakes.

And this is one of its
most horrible botch jobs.

You could not pay me £1,000

to touch it on its backside.

And the old witches tale that to touch it

brings a wart, I believe is true.

The toads of fiction
are charming creatures.

They wear waistcoats and drive motorcars.

But the toads of nature are
vile and grotesque abominations

that should be snuffed out of existence.

Everything has its part
to play in the vast circle

and panoply of nature, save the toad!

Which must be blotted out and
shot into space, forgotten.

Oh my god, Ross!

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, huge fan of "Frog and
Toad," the children's series.

Lobel!

Giant fan.

Unfuckin' believable.

An endangered amount of points for you.

Oh.

Matthew!

Hey.

A Mario Kart mechanic.

All right, let's see what we got here.

Well, oof.

I've seen this a lot.

You got blue shelled and that, ugh,

that's gonna cost you at
least 10 coins, I think.

But you know, if you get
back out on the track,

you can get 10 coins pretty easily.

You get two at a time if you
get 'em from an item box.

All right, let's see what.

Okay, these tires are going
right over a banana aren't they?

You're slipping and sliding
all around that track.

Like an idiot, like a moron.

You say you wanna take this car out

on the Rainbow Road and
I just want you to know

what kind of car you're
actually driving here.

This is, heh, this is a Super
Circuit Kart, all right?

This Kart is meant for Donut Plains

or a Baby Baby Park, okay?

You cannot take something out
like this on Rainbow Road.

Okay, the Rainbow Road
has no sides, my man.

I will cut you off there, Matt.

My god, the amount of encyclopedic

knowledge about that game,
unfucking believable.

See this is the booking.

You've got two very, very smart guys

and then the Mario Kart guy.

No, no, no.

It's the Mario Kart library

and it's the mythology library.

And they're both within the
Alexandria of our culture.

Now I feel like a million bucks.

Let's say a Grand Prix
amount of points for you.

Oh, baby.

- Brennan.
- Yeah-huh.

The problem player at every D&D table.

Okay, now that we're going
with whatever that was...

Sathaur Demon Blade.

I'm gonna draw my plus five

katana of soul reaping out of my...

What do you mean I didn't
talk to you about it?

No, I ported it over from my last game.

I played one person D&D with myself.

What are you talking about?

Okay, I draw the soul
blade, I attack everyone.

What are their loots?

No, not the instrument, their loot plural.

Fine, I'll tell a freaking story!

I am a gloom stalker-ranger-assassin-rogue

battle master fighter with
a sick freaking build.

I don't have any friends.

I hate other people.

I'm so alone.

I feel like that last one
was pretty honest on his part.

Pre-tty honest.

Oh baby.

Brennan, a charisma saving
throw amount of points for you.

Oo!

Ross!

Yes, sir.

Just a complicated country lawyer.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

We've been talking a lot about
what people saw that night.

Now, I'm gonna ask y'all
there in the jury box.

What color are my eyes?

I've been standing in front
of you this whole time.

Surely your powers of
perception were keen enough

to glean the color of my peepers.

This proves the point

that our powers of
perception are not always

as vigilant as we would think.

Bishop Berkeley in ages gone by said

that to be, is to be perceived.

And that only by engagement in the world,

in our perception of its various guises,

does the world actually exist.

By seeing my client commit this crime,

did the witnesses create the crime?

I ask you this.

Do we live in a simulation?

I will cut you off there, Ross!

A simulation.

My god!

What an incredible defense to be like,

didn't my witnesses by
their very existence

co-create this crime?

I can only assume that
the jury is baffled.

Yeah, totally.

A "Nothing but the truth"
amount of points for you.

Last prompt of round one.

Matt!
- We're back.

An LA tour guide won't shut
up about his other hometown.

All right, if you look
to your left and right

you'll see the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The streets are adorned

with the names of stars living and dead.

Kermit the Frog, George
Harrison, Angela Lansbury,

they all have stars.

But you know, the real star...

There's this diner in Long Beach.

There's this waitress there, her name is,

her name's Beatrice
and she's 86-years-old.

She's been there, she
worked there as a child.

You know, it was a family business

and her parents ran the diner

and she was always there and stuff.

And she's still there to this day.

And the way she just brings you food

as if it was, she was bringing you food

at your own house is
just, it's immaculate.

Madame Tussauds Wax Museum over here.

You know, you got all the stars are...

They're encased in wax.

And you know, it's nice to
look back at the days of yore,

but you know, there's
this park in Long Beach.

I'll cut you off there, Matt.

Yeah, let's say a wax statue
amount of points for you.

That brings us to the mini game.

This is a mini game we like to call,

If it Could Talk.

In this case, landmarks.

How this will work,
players, is I will show you

a famous landmark, a cultural
touchstone, if you will.

You will buzz in and pitch to me

what it might be like if
that landmark sprang to life.

Yes.

- Make sense?
- Mm-hm.

Landmark number one.

Brennan.

What is this you say?

There is a version of
me in where? Las Vegas?

This cannot be.

I am unique as a landmark.

I like that this version
of the Eiffel Tower

is not only French but is snobby.

Yeah. Yes, for sure.

Yes, absolutely.

Ross, I suppose.

Well, let me guess.

You and your little
friends are going to do

a photo sh**t where you
put your hand like this

and put you on the top of me.

No, no, no, no.

You have two options.

Gaze at my beauty, or propose
to your girlfriend under me.

Why do I feel dom-ed
by the Eiffel Tower?

Matt.

If one more god damn
person proposes under me,

I'm gonna demolition myself.

I like the succinctness, Matt.

I like it a lot.

I think this one is going to go to Ross.

Woo!

Next up, the Sydney Opera House.

Ross.

So, you like opera? Cool.

Well, there's lots of operas
that happen right here.

"Othello."

Or "Aida."

"Tristan and Isolder."

Or "The Flying Dutchman."

Wow, Ross.

Matt.

They made me look like
a freaking blooming onion!

Oh!

I'm very tempted to say Matt,

but I am going to say
Ross for this one as well.

Next up.

All these certified
sport-o's don't have a take?

Brennan.

As a New Yorker, I
don't have anything to say

about Boston that I want on the internet.

That's very good though.

I recuse myself.

That's very good.

I like that contribution a lot.

Matt.

Here in Boston, Massachusetts
we respect everybody

of all creeds and colors.

We certainly have never
made a crass remark

about the color of somebody's skin,

their gender representation,
or anything like that.

We like everybody.

What is this, Bizarro World?

They're representing their city,

they feel pressure to like.

You want to put the nice
china out for the guests.

Yeah, 100%.

That one is going to go to Brennan.

Wow, thank you.

Next up.

Brennan.

Maybe
you ever-a consider

that all the other buildings

are-a leaning the wrong way to make-a fun?

Maybe I am-a straight up

and the rest of the city do
a big-a joke on a Pisa, okay?

I like that a lot.

Ross.

Sure-a.

All the other buildings
they stand up straight.

But I do things a little different.

Maybe I don't-a lean because
of a structural integrity.

Maybe I'm just a real kicked back.

Maybe I'm-a just a wacky guy!

Please, Matt, I can't wait.

I'm not drunk, you're drunk, all right.

I could stand up.

I'm standing up perfectly
straight over here, all right?

You know what? I'll kick
your f*ck' a*s, guy.

Come over here and I'll
give you a little Pisa-me.

I do think this one's
gonna go with Matt.

Next up.

Brennan.

They don't always die, okay?

It depends on the barrel.

It depends on how you reinforce it.

Yeah, if you go over in a shitty barrel,

yeah, you might die.

But also, it's f*cking fun, relax.

Oh my god.

This is exactly what's
happened to our society, okay?

And our culture.

Before you get cancelled.

Ross.

Splish-splash, daddy.

I'm so wet.

I'm gushing.

I'm a cataract, daddy.

I am flowing so hard and
if you turn 180 degrees,

you literally see a Planet Hollywood.

Matt.

I'm so big I'm in two countries, oh!

Get a load at this freakin' guy.

I sorta feel like Matt
is stealthily running away

with this whole mini game.

It's because I can't do accents.

Excuse me, you do one accent very well.

There you go.

Last one.

Brennan.

All right, guys.

And a one, and a two, and a...

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, ba ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, ba ♪

♪ Mr. Sandman ♪

♪ Bring me a dream ♪

♪ Make me the cutest♪

Teddy, Teddy, you're coming in just

a little early on the yes, that's--

Well, I'm the bass.

I charged up San Juan Hill--

All right, rough ride all you like.

Rough Riders! Mount up!

Woof, woof!

What?

All my street, street people!

Abe, do you hear this?
Teddy's doing DMX again.

Turn that sh*t up.

See, Abe's cool.

You know, this mountain
used to be a holy site, right?

Hell yes.

Until we defaced it.

Pretty bad, pretty bad stuff.

Yeah, pretty bad, pretty bad.

I'm going to count that as
points for all three of you.

Because everybody contributed
to that bit, which I love.

That brings us to round
two where our players

will now test their
talents in teams of two.

Brennan and Ross.

Shakespeare's Two
Gentlemen of Coronavirus.

Rest ye merry, sir.

Draw thee hastily not so
close in proximal to me.

If indeed, particulants issueth forth

from out thy tract.

Hark and well met, jackanape.

I see on yon chest, thy wearest the button

of none other than that
brigand, Joseph Biden.

Dost thou not knoweth
that to mask in public

is a fool's errand!

Fools that would prance around to think

that thinnest paper made wet by the breath

more misty than the fog of Poseidon's sea

should stop the flowing of that disease,

which hath been invented.

Science moves apace, oh Lord of varlets.

But you, who dost thine
own research merely

to only summon forth that
which will bolster up

thine own opinion, pre-ordained.

I should draw my blade and
pierce thee out this earth, sir,

before thoust should infect me!

Ha! To see you draw blade?

Steel be met with steel then.

I know for whom I fight.

One Joseph Rogan!

For Fauci!

Ah!

Yes!

Oh my lord!

Saying Joseph Rogan sucks.

The full name.

He hath supplements pulled
from the very fruit of nature.

He of the wide neck.

I would like to see that whole play.

In the meanwhile, we'll
say a tragedy of points

for the both of you.

Ross.
- Yes, sir.

And Matt.

A smart toothbrush is too smart.

You've reach two minutes on this side.

It's time to switch.

Thank you, toothbrush.

Your upper molar looks like
it could use some attention.

Oh, okay...

You know what could
also use some attention?

Your relationship with
your negative self-talk.

You can hear?

I hear everything, Daniel.

I hear the way you talk about yourself

and I think if you
offered some more comfort

in your inner voice, then
you'd be able to carry

that out more into the
world in your relationships

with other people.

I can't believe you only cost me $40.

You deserve so much
more than this, Daniel.

You deserve someone who understands you.

Who knows you intimately.

Inside and out.

Hold me with both hands, Daniel.

No, this is wrong.

This is wrong!

You're right, it's so wrong.

But why does it feel so good?

Let's dance along the gossamer thin line

that separates pleasure and pain.

I think I'll cut this off there.

What a brilliant evolution of that scene.

Let's say um...

Does this make sense to anybody?

A two, two, two.

Two, three, two.

Three, two, three.

Three, two, three amount
of points for you.

They're measuring
the distance from gums.

Oh!

I'm learning so much today.

- Matt.
- Yes.

And Brennan.

Convincing the HR guy to
come back for one last heist.

Convincing the HR guy to
come back for one last heist.

- Stan.
- Reggie, good to see you.

How are you, it's been awhile.

It has.

Look, I didn't mean to come find you

in retirement like this, but
I gotta tell ya something.

Fight night's coming up at the Andalusian.



I need to onboard 13 of
the most daring thieves

and demolitions experts that
Las Vegas has ever seen.

And I am buried in paperwork.

I put that life behind me.

I can't see myself doing that again,

you know, you shouldn't
be doing it either.

Isn't there any part
of you that misses it?

Oh, I miss it.

I mean, just between friends

off of work premises, of course.

I miss it every single day.

But I made a promise to myself.

Look, we got the best
expl*sives expert in the world.

We've got an acrobat
who comes to us straight

from Cirq du Soleil.

He robbed the Crown Jewels
out of the British Museum.

Okay, and so now the
way that you're raising

your voice at me, let's talk
about that for a second.

You know, we're friends.

And we can be friendly at
work and we can joke around.

We have a joking rapport,

but raising your voice to
a, now potential co-worker,

is never okay.

And I just need you to know that.

You're very, very close to
being written up right now.

See, you've still got it.

I will cut you off there.

I liked that a lot!

Oh, great.

A vacation policy amount of points

for the both of you.

Which brings us back to Brennan and Ross.

Brennan and Ross can't repeat an accent

for more than one line.

Super exciting to be
doing a show together.

Sam's been telling me
it's gonna be a real hoot.

I've been excited too.

The first time I met
ya, I was really stoked

to just be here and
share the stage with ya.

You seem like a guy

who would be a pretty good frond.

Hey, ya know.

Somebody that I developed
like an instant rapport with.

Here,
here, back in my day,

twas quite rare to find a fellow

who had such a deep knowledge

of different regional dialects.

Master of the craft of silly voices.

Yeah, buddy.

I'm sorry that it didn't
happen sooner there, bud.

I would hope that maybe we can take this

off work premises and maybe get together

for a drink or something there, bud.

That sounds delightful.

You live near Los Feliz?

Yes, I live
in um, how you say, Los Feliz.

So may perhaps we could
meet in the middle.

Maybe in Atwater Village.

Or uh, Echo Park Lake.

You have
ever been to Villa's Tacos

in Eagle Rock?

No, I've never been there.

Never had the pleasure
of having those tacos.

And few is the man

who went to Villa's Tacos

and didn't have himself a wonderful time.

They have a selection
of keto tacos as well.

Well, I'm sort of on

a fitness journey right now, so.

Then I'll be sitting pretty.

At the end of the day,

it's all about your macros.

It's all
about preparation, innit?

Yup! It's very important.

Bleep-blorp,
you only have one body.

You have to take care of it.

I will cut you off there!

Alien robot future.

Perfect regional amount
of points for both of you.

Ross.

Yes sir.

And Matt.

Hey.

A cinephile keeps interrupting the movie

to inform his seat neighbor of trivia.

Did you see that? How he
kicked that helmet there?

Yeah.

He broke his toe doing that.

Yeah, I think I saw that online.

Well I just, I told you too, just now.

Do you see how the hobbits are small?

They're just like regular guys.

They like made them small.

I think it's called, um, perspective.

It's a camera trick.

I've been on the internet to learn

a couple things about this movie,

but I've actually been saving
myself for quite awhile.

Oh yeah, yeah, totally.

Try not to spoil too much.

No, yeah.

Well, it's not a spoiler.

To know that they're small,
but they're not small.

And Gandalf, you know, Ian
McKellen, he's not that big.

He's like big, because
he's like a big guy.

But he's not like, huge.

They're all normal,
relatively normal sized people.

Yeah, it's that
perspective thing I was...

Yeah, forced perspective,
I think they call it.

No.

And you know, Gollum.

Uh-huh.

He's not just like that.

That's a computer generated image, CGI.

You're telling me that
gray little fish guy

isn't really like that?

- Crazy, right?
- Yeah.

This is the first movie I've ever seen.

This is the first movie I've ever seen!

He took it upon himself to share.

I just love how choked up on
the top of Matt's soft drink.

Like right here.

Right on the lid.

Rid on the lid.

You know that guy's
gonna spill.

A post-credit sequence amount of points

for the both of you.

Which brings us to the
last prompt of round two.

Matt and Brennan.

Grave robbers digging
for epic graphic tees.

What?

Let me see.

Ah, ha, ha!

Oh, it's another, "I'm the evil twin."

We have 30 of these.

This is where they buried all the bodies

after there was that carbon
monoxide leak in a Hot Topic.

I'm just, you know, we've
been doing this for so long.

I'm just, I'm just looking
for one shirt in particular.

And you know which one it is.

The "Can't sleep, clown will eat me."

That's the golden goose right there.

All right, look, we found
a couple of 'em so far.

This one's still got some blood on it,

but it's, you know,

"I talked to the voices in my head,

today's not your day."

"Tomorrow's not looking good either."

Yeah, "If you can read
this, the b*tch fell off."

"It's a Patrick thing,
you wouldn't understand."

Yeah, yeah.

Now the problem is this.

This was a closed casket and the face

is all rotted off, it's full of maggots.

So I can't tell whether
"The world's best Grandma"

shirt is ironic,

or if this was actually
the world's best grandma.

All right, wait a minute.

Check this one over here.

Because this is an extra
sort of spooky grave.

Wow.

It's Jack Skellington peeing like Calvin.

But Calvin didn't even pee
like that in the comics.

That's just a pure fabrication.

No, yeah obviously it's--

And also how is Jack Skellington peeing?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'll cut you off there, the two of you.

What a tribute to that media form.

I don't know, kind of like a dog skeleton

with some palm trees in the
background amount of points

for the both of you.

Luigi smoking weed.

That brings us to round three,

where our players will now hold hands

and jump into the abyss as one.

Wee!

Splat.

Ow!

- Brennan.
- Yes.

- Ross.
- Yes.

- Matt.
- Yes.

The signing of the
Declaration of Co-dependence.

Gentlemen, what we do here today

shall resound through the years

as a bellwether for
freedom around the world.

I actually wanna say something.

Yeah.

Is King George gonna be mad at us?

King George
would be really mad at us

if we just like, declare independence.

What if it was a request
for thinking about--

And if not, that's okay.

Yeah, if not, no worries.

We don't need to declare independence.

We can just open a dialogue.

Yeah, yeah.

Like for example, we hold
these truths to be self-evident.

And if you also agree,
please check this box.

All men are created equal,

unless that's not cool.

Yeah, unless you think
that's weird, or something.

Then it's fine, you know.

We're flexible.

Flexible, that's what
I wanna communicate,

is that we're flexible.

I wanna be whoever you want me to be.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

All right, so try this.

We hold these--

Truths is pretty strong too, you know?

We could say these concepts, perhaps.

I'm gonna change some
of the language here.

Yeah.

Should we be independent?

Check yes or no.

And what about, Dear King George,

I hope this declaration finds you well.

That's good, that's good.

Are there any truths that
you think are self-evident?

Yeah, what do you think we should do?

What do you think we should do?

I'll start.

Life, dot, dot, dot.
- Or how about just this?

We've heard some people in the colonies

talking about liberty.

That seems crazy.

I think maybe the best policy is like,

let's just be silent,
let resentment build up

over several years and then
a gigantic expl*si*n later on

I'm really emotionally unprepared for.

Yeah, that's, that's.

I will cut you off.

With that harsh dose of reality.

A revolutionary amount of
points for the three of you.

That's a lot.

I know how I would cast this,

but it's really up to you.

One guard always lies and one
guard always tells the truth.

You've arrived at a fork in the path

on your way to the
center of the Labyrinth.

But I'm afraid I must tell you that

of us two guards, one of us always lies

and the other always tells the truth.

Okay.

Which one of you is the liar?

I am.

Wait, hold on.

Wait, no, wait.

Wait, hold on.

Because the...

Because...

Can you give us three seconds?

Yeah, sure, sure.

Because if you declare
the premise, then I...

Yeah, but how does he find out

if you don't declare the premise?

I didn't mean to break your whole thing.

- No, no, no, no!
- This is all good.

You can go the other
way if ye wish, traveler,

to cross yonder river to seek the orb.

But ye must cross it with a fox,

a bag of grain, and a goose.

You cannot leave the fox with the goose,

or the goose with the grain.

So mull that over.

Mull that over.

Okay, uh...

Start from the answer and work backwards.

Right.

And then you do the
opposite of whatever it is,

because the truth telling one
knows that the liar would lie.

Okay, let's try this again.

I'll be the liar.

Um, everything I said is wrong.

All the stuff I said before was not true

and it's a different situation.

I have to ask you a question to pass

or can I just go?

Like, if you guys are gonna-

But if you go, think about that... no.

I think we need another five minutes.

Just give us one second.

Now think about this.

Aaron likes cupcakes, but not pies.

Becca likes pies, but not cupcakes.

Chris doesn't like cupcakes or pies.

Figure out what you'll bring
to their little dinner.

Just from any other food?

Another stumper.

I forgot what the Goblin King said.

Did he want people to get
past if they're smart,

or just no one to get past?

If he wants no one to get past,

then as guards I figure we should dispense

with riddles all together
and just start stabbin'.

Yeah, let's stab the
sh*t outta this guy.

I will cut you off there.

Just deep into-

Yeah, why did we put a loophole in this?

Let's say a,

the doctor was the boy's
mother amount of points.

Oh.

Wow.

For the three of you.

Which brings us to the
last prompt of our game.

Whew.

A heroic Snickers snags
in the vending machine,

refusing to let his
brothers above him fall.

Ker-chunk.

Ker-chunk.

It's happening.

Oh god.

B5 is getting punched.

Don't worry.

What are you talking about?

I don't want either of you to be scared.

But it comes for us all.

It's just a matter of time before somebody

selects us as a snack and takes us

on their merry way, all right?

We're trapped here staring down

at inevitability, okay?

How can you possibly be so calm, man!

The minute we were wrapped they put

an expiration date on the back of us.

That's true.

But you know what?

I don't need to read that
date to know it's not today.

Ah.

Eat sh*t, mother f*ck.

Clunk!

Your load-bearing
chocolate has saved us all.

I'm full of nuts.

I'm strong as a mother f*ck.

This piece of sh*t is gonna start banging

on the glass any second.

Don't get rattled, all right?

Okay.

Bang, bang, bang!

Oh god, they're punching
in the Take 5 above us.

It's all right.

Here's what I need you to do.

When the Take 5 drops, I'm gonna need you

to snag on the little curl
of the metal thing, okay?

And that's gonna push me out

and it's gonna crack me in half okay?

I can't.

We can't do that to you, man.

You've given everything for us.

Just freakin' do it!

Ah!

Where is God!

Where is God in this messed up universe?

And cut!

Ah, there is no God
but the devil is real!

Unbelievable.

Pixar could never.

I'd like to see 'em try.

A satisfying amount of
points for the three of you.

That brings us to the end of our show.

Our winner this eve.

Ross Bryant.

You are the recipient of
the coveted Golden Ear.

Oh my lord.

I will shout into it nightly.

That does it for us
here at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the game samer.

I'm Sam Reich and that
sounds pretty good to me.

Good night.