01x14 - David's Comfort Foods

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

Yo, it's Dinner Time Live, y'all,
with Terry Crews!

[laughter]

Yes!

Terry Crews and my man Chris Ying,

and the lovely
and oh-so-hilarious Dulcé Sloan

-is in the house!
-[cheering]

-Am I doing it, too?
-[Terry] Yeah, you're doing it!

Ooh, yeah, you doing it!

I think it's more my pec.

And I gotta give a shout-out
to the one, the only,

the OG himself, the Mr. David Chang,

-on the other side of this table now.
-[Chris] Welcome home, buddy.

Very weird, very strange.

-It's gotta be. It's gotta be.
-How does it feel?

I'm just saying, Terry,
they just had the Tom Brady roast.

I do not want to be the Drew Bledsoe
to your comedy on this show.

Oh, no.

You got nothing to worry about.
I'm just trying to hold on here, man.

But first of all, listen,
you've been through a lot, you know?

It's time to give you a rest.

And the theme of the menu today
is your comfort foods, okay?

We started out
with the best sandwich in the world,

the sandwich you love more than anything.

Then we move on to Japanese comfort food.

And then we go...

I'm gonna try to not pull a muscle
while I pull these hand-pulled noodles.

That is your specialty.
You are the noodle guy.

But first, we gotta say this.

First, your sandwich
you love the most is from...?

-What is your favorite?
-Sao Paulo?

-This is like The Newlywed Game with Ying.
-Sao Paulo, baby.

And you gotta understand,
something about Brazil...

I was just in Brazil. I am huge in Brazil.

Huge.

Listen, I can prove it to you.
I got footage.

We were just there. Show them.

Roll the clip, y'all.

Here I am in Sao Paulo.

I am about to have
the world-famous mortadella sandwich.

Look at this.

Below a chalk outline of me.

[laughter]

It's nuts.

This is incredible.

I'm about to have one
of the best sandwiches I've ever had.

Let me try this.

The bread is just amazing.

The melted cheese, it's stacked high.

I'm about to take my first bite.

Mm!

Mmm.

This is so good.

Amazing.

Sao Paulo,

one of the most famous sandwiches ever.

Bar do Mané.

I had to try it out.

David, I love you, man.

Thank you, thank you.

I gotta make this for you.

I'm about to... I tell you.
I love it, David. Wow.

-There it is. There it is.
-I'm so lucky.

I'm gonna make it for you.

[Dulcé] You went to Brazil
to take a picture with a sandwich?

I sure did. I flew nine hours
to take that picture with that sandwich.

[Dulcé] My uncle is huge in Brazil.
Huge artist there.

-He sings in Portuguese.
-[Chris] Is that true?

-Mm-hmm. Stevie B.
-He's big? Is he this big?

He did not tell Bar do Mané he was coming.

No announcement, no calling ahead.

-He shows up there. You saw that portrait?
-I had no idea.

The other three people who have
a picture on the wall with Terry are...

-Yoda...
-Einstein...

-[Dulcé] What?
-...and Darth Vader.

-[Terry] And Darth Vader.
-That's the Venn diagram of me.

That's the Mount Rushmore of Brazil,

is Einstein, Yoda, Darth Vader,
and Terry Crews.

[Dulcé] God bless.

[Terry] We're about to do this sandwich,

but we got a little change up on it
on the bread.

We're gonna do...

You get down
with fried bologna sandwiches.

-We talked about it.
-I'm a fine Southern lady.

If you fry anything, I'm gonna eat it.

We'll do it different.

Only thing we'll change, Dave,
because, like it or not,

everybody loves you for the pork bun.

Because I don't know
how to make crusty French bread,

we'll do it on Chinese steamed buns.

-[Dulcé] How is that hot now?
-Look how big they got.

[Terry] These are the Terry Crews version.

-Those are huge.
-Huge, man. Look at the side.

-[David] That is...
-They kept going up.

-They kept growing.
-It's 'cause the steamer is so big.

Like, you live into your habitat.

-So...
-They're like goldfish.

-They just keep growing.
-[Dulcé] Yeah!

Are we making something
that Dulcé is gonna like, too?

Yes. And we started with Dulcé...
This is when I knew Dulcé was super legit.

"What things do you like?"

"Oh, I like a lot of Asian foods.
I eat a lot of Korean foods."

-I was like, "Everybody says that."
-Yeah.

But she was like,
"You know those Szechuan peanuts?"

[Dulcé] These right here?

These right here? Gotta be careful.

You don't want Szechuan in your mouth,
especially the first time.

First time I went
to a Szechuan restaurant,

it was in Atlanta on Buford Highway.

You've been on Buford Highway.

They didn't tell us what the campaign was.

I was there with my homeboy, an EMT.

I did not know Szechuan peppercorns
make your mouth numb.

So I'm eating this soup,
thinking I'm having a medical reaction.

[Chris] Nobody told you?

-No one told you about mala?
-[Dulcé] No!

They brought in, "Here's spicy soup."
I was like, "God bless."

"I can't feel my tongue.
What's the matter?"

My homeboy's like, "You need a EpiPen."
We asked the waitress.

She's like, "That's supposed to happen."
I was like, "Y'all need to tell people."

[Terry] Listen...

I'm talking like this, eating fish soup,
and just go: [gibbers]

-No, b*tch, tell me.
-[Terry] Yes. Yeah.

I'm a good person.
Why let me live like this?

I'm a Christian. What is wrong with y'all?

For people who don't know, Dave,
what is she talking about, the numbing?

-Do you like the numbing?
-[Dave] We had a lot of that.

[Chris] We've eaten a lot.

The whole idea of mala,
which he knows a lot more than myself,

-I like it 'cause I like spicy food.
-Yeah.

When your tongue is numb
with the Szechuan peppercorns,

it allows you
to taste different notes of spice.

Okay. I never eat them. I skip over.

-I just was like: eh!
-No, but...

But I collect them, and then...
I collect them when I don't eat them.

I collect them,
then if I'm making, like, ramen,

sometimes I'll use it
if I want to pump up the ramen.

Try to eat that, this,
and then eat something spicy with it.

-[Dulcé] Like...
-[Terry] Listen, I tried the Hot Ones.

I did Hot Ones
and got high for the first time.

Never been high in my life.

I had the Last Dab, dude,
and I saw double on everything.

I went from that set to Fowler,

I was like, "Hey, man, what's going on?"

That... It was a real,
true religious experience.

I didn't know.
I'd never been high in my life until that.

Weed wings were just so hot,
your brain just tapped out.

[Terry] It just tapped out.
I had to scream. It was nuts.

-How was that?
-That's spicy.

We don't even get the hot, hot, hot.

So this was Dulcé's other...?

-This is what you grew up eating?
-[Dulcé] But not the hot, hot, hot.

We ate the green label
'cause we were children. Um...

This is some grown-man sh*t.

-[Chris] You went for a whole spoonful!
-This is Hot Ones.

-[Chris] It's so hot!
-Yeah, baby.

Well, there's another version,
it's still Szechuan hot sauce,

but the green label is not as hot.

We used to eat it with pizza.

We had the bread
and the cheese from the pizza,

it wasn't as hot.

-This is good with what they're making.
-You can... So you just raw dog?

I did. I did.

I don't know what "raw dog" is.
Explain to me.

-[Terry] Dave!
-You have children, don't you?

-I know.
-[laughter]

Just saying. You know what that is.

What we're doing here,
we have this mortadella,

which is, you know...

I did research and I found out that,
you know, the meat mortadella

has a little place in Bologna, Italy,
that kind of like owns the copyright.

You know what I mean?
But this is... Where is it from? Like...

This is from the, uh, supermarket.

[laughter]

No. We are busting up
the trademark right now

with this mortadella.

But it's basically...
Oh, man, look at this.

It basically takes you back, me,
to summertime fried bologna.

My mama's like,
"Go and make yourself sandwich."

You know? Between white bread
with a piece of American cheese.

I stopped eating American cheese
'cause I thought I was too good for it.

It's good.

One day, I wanted a bologna sandwich
and I'm like:

-"I need some cheese wrapped in plastic."
-[Terry] Look at that.

When you stopped eating American cheese,
what was your cheese?

-I would get like...
-[Chris] He's trying to trap you.

There's no gotcha moment here. Not yet.

It was like a Havarti, and then Swiss...

Like, instead of cheese in plastic,

you go to the deli like,
"Give me some off the block."

Then you find out
they got American cheese on the block.

But the one in the plastic is still better
than off the block.

If I'm gonna eat American cheese,
it's gonna have to be...

American cheese is cheddar cheese, anyway.

-[Dulcé] Okay.
-That's new.

-[Dave] With a couple other things in it.
-You like white American cheese?

[Terry] This is white American.

We have some white American
and some provolone.

[Chris] Hey, you've seen a white American
on the show today.

[Dulcé] Yeah!

[Terry] I love this.

Just saying, this is like, "What?"

I'll put extra. Why not?

A little extra cheese.

This the thing about
these Szechuan peppercorns,

when you start chewing, ooh, it's awful.

And then,
there is like a little ride you go on.

When you chew them up,
at first it's like, "I hate this."

And then 'cause it stays
in your mouth longer,

then it's an interesting...

It's not tang. It's like, um...
It's a feeling more than a flavor.

It is a feeling. Bit of both.

But I've never had it where I'm not trying
to eat something insanely spicy.

But this is the low-key...
This is a first-date spicy.

Ain't nobody going to second base.
You see what I'm saying?

Dulcé, if you like spicy, this mustard...

[Dulcé] What kind? I love mustard.

-[Terry] Oh, my God.
-People don't give mustard enough love.

[Terry] This is a spicy, spicy mustard.

'Cause they have...

In the one at Bar do Mané,
they have this mojo de pimiento.

-[Dulcé] I love mojo.
-Yes!

-Yes.
-I cook chicken in it.

But this is our version of what they do.

I know Anthony Bourdain does
his own mortadella sandwich.

It has Grey Poupon on it, but...

-[Dulcé] Grey Poupon ain't good.
-That's why we wanted to go with this.

We wanted to go hot. You know what I mean?

-We wanted to go...
-Remember seeing a commercial like:

"I'll get some of this,
and your mother bought it."

Y'all was all mad.

'Cause you thought it was gonna be
fancy and take you into the next level.

I saw the commercial.
I did the same thing.

-It was like, "Oh, this is nasty."
-Girl, my mama was so pissed.

She's like, "We spent how much
for some mustard in a jar?"

-[Chris] I know.
-"To go through this."

My mama used to get provolone,
and my brother quit messing with it

-'cause it tastes like a spice wax candle.
-Oh, my God.

-You have to melt provolone.
-Ah! Okay.

-That's the campaign.
-This is the thing.

I want that crust that happens
when it hits the pan.

-[Dave] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You know what? So we'll leave...

There we go. Thank you.

-[Dulcé] How you feel about pimento?
-[Dave] I love pimento cheese.

-[Chris] Interesting question.
-[Dulcé] God bless.

I'm not just saying that
'cause you're from the South.

-It is... You know what I really love?
-Yeah?

-A grilled cheese with pimento cheese.
-See, you get it. Okay.

You get it.

But there's bad pimento cheese
and good pimento cheese.

And the hardest part about
moving out of the South is,

one, I never see Black people, two...

[laughter]

You really got to hunt them down.
You really do.

I got to New York and was like,
"I know they're here. They be screaming."

[Terry] I heard you're bilingual.

-[Dulcé] Yes.
-You speak Spanish?

-Mm-hmm.
-Talk to me.

How did you get that in Atlanta?

My family is really from Miami,
so when we moved back to Miami,

I had to take it in school.

Then we moved back to Atlanta,
I lived in a Mexican neighborhood.

So to help my neighbors
register their kids for school,

get their health insurance.

My neighbor, her husband got a DUI
and I had to explain that to her...

[Chris chuckles]

[Terry] All right, we gonna...

[Dave] They had a lot more mortadella
in that other sandwich.

-[Chris] Hey, hey.
-[Terry] Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.

-We about to do this now?
-[Dulcé] Has Chris got no money?

-We about to do this right now.
-Wow, Netflix ain't got no money?

You couldn't get two pounds of meat
from Ralphs?

[Terry] But we made up with it
with the bao bun, you know.

[Dulcé] I don't wanna eat that bread.
I'm trying to keep my neck.

-[Dave] Thank you.
-Let me know what you think.

[Chris] I'll tell you something else,
Dave. This is the influence.

This is how a mistake I almost made.

-I'm always coming up with bad ideas.
-[Dave] You?

When Terry and I first started
talking about this menu,

I was like, "Terry, maybe you could slice
the mortadella live to order on the show."

-Never listen to him.
-[Chris] Listen.

The first thing he does
when he comes back from Brazil is what?

It's buy a meat slicer.

-This dude bought a meat slicer.
-I bought a meat slicer.

Listen, I started... Let me tell you,
I got in this meat slicer.

And I bought a big, old...

-[Dulcé] This is good.
-Oh, you think... Is it good?

-[Dave] Mustard is delicious.
-[Dulcé] That mustard is banging.

[Terry] I bought this slicer.

But I'm sitting there, like,
"Why is it so hard?"

-Still had the plastic on the mortadella.
-[Dulcé] No!

There were plastic pieces
coming off on the other side.

I was like...
And I bought the little metal glove

-so I could be super safe.
-[Dave] You're practicing.

-[Dulcé] Listen.
-Damn it.

A girl I was friends with in college,

her boyfriend, he'd take the nip of his...
Just a bit of his thumb.

But he caught it out that bologna
he was slicing, so they put it back on.

-[Chris] What?
-But he lost like...

Slicing yourself on a sandwich slicer
or a deli slicer, it's not fun,

having done it a few times.

-[Terry] You did it?
-Oh, yeah.

Well, luckily, literally every producer
on the show is like, "Absolutely not."

Exactly. They ain't got that insurance.

They was like,
"We cut off Terry's finger."

-"We cut off Terry Crews' finger."
-You'll be hated around America.

Y'all got a jar of that mustard?

-This is really good.
-Here's some more.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna try with the Calypso sauce.
This is the one I had growing up.

-[Terry] Try it.
-Let me try it.

By the way, when I do the show,
there's just me.

-I don't have to...
-[Terry] What'd you say? What was that?

-You can come back anytime.
-Okay.

[Terry] I know. He does.

You needed one giant Black man
and your homeboy.

-[laughter]
-Y'all have the skills of one...

I feel like Aaron Donald right now.

I always get double teamed, triple teamed.

-[Terry] Mm-hmm.
-[Chris laughs]

I wish I could get double teamed.

-You hear that, camera? I had...
-Family show!

Man, the fruit was so low,
it was on the ground.

[laughter]

You talked about getting double teamed
and Dulcé's just gonna let it go?

-[Dulcé] No.
-For the next course, this is the best...

Can I...? Do I have to pace myself?
Or you can tell I'm unhappy?

[Chris] It's triple starch, just so...
It's quadruple.

-[Terry] It's comfort food.
-Chill, chill, chill.

-Chill? No, no, no.
-Chill, chill, chill.

-[Chris] She said, "Pace yourself."
-He tried to give you all this bread.

Listen, don't be a broke b*tch on a date.

[laughter]

-[Chris] No.
-Don't fill up on cheddar bay biscuits.

We're waiting for the shrimp.

The Red Lobster cheddar bay biscuits,
oh, my God.

-[Dave] They're going out of business.
-Correct.

Yeah, they just filed for bankruptcy.

-[Terry] You're lying.
-Oh, no.

Oh, my God, that's an end of an era.

[Dulcé] Where are bad b*tches
gonna go on dates now?

Where are we gonna go?

Why is Olive Garden still
in business? Like, ugh.

-[Terry] I had no idea.
-I don't care.

[Terry] You just made me very sad.

Oh, my God.

Okay, let's go into our next...

A moment of silence for Red Lobster?

-[Terry] Japanese comfort food now.
-Moment of silence for Red Lobster.

Uh, so the first call... We had
the first pre-production call with...

-I gotta see how much time we have left.
-We're going. I know.

-[Chris] Why don't you get into it?
-Let's get into it.

We are going to make oyakodon.

-Really?
-First of all, I did my research on you.

-[Chris] This is incredible.
-I know you love chicken.

I know you love eggs.
We're kindred brothers in this thing.

-[Dulcé] You love the beginning and end.
-Yeah.

We found
the most comfortable Japanese food.

And I also know
Japanese food is your thing.

I said... Chris basically gave me,
he's like: "You gotta hear about this."

I was gonna make a frittata
or something like that

'cause I love eggs for dinner.

But when I heard about this,
oyakodon, man...

And dashi.

Dashi has changed my life forever.

-I tried this at home...
-Oh, like ssamjang has changed my life.

Listen. First of all, all I used to know
was beef broth and chicken broth.

That's all you knew.

This dashi, man,
I'm about to make everything with dashi.

A lot of flavor, low calories.

He had never cooked with it before,
and he comes in and says:

-"You know what I want to try this on?"
-On greens.

-I was like...
-My collard greens.

Can you imagine some cornmeal catfish
and some greens with dashi?

-He knows what's up.
-I'm trying to tell you, it'll...

It'll change my life.

I am now into dashi,
like you wouldn't believe.

But this right here
and this meal is so comfortable.

[Dave] You know
what oyakodon translates to, right?

-[Chris] Mm-hmm.
-Chicken and the egg, like mother and son.

-You said it right. It's mother and child.
-[Dulcé] Beginning and the end.

Start cooking it
before we run out of time.

I'll feed my brother. I can wrap this up?

-We'll give you some to take home.
-Yes, yes.

-So we got a call with Terry...
-[Dave] So spicy. I'm dying.

-[Dulcé] With this?
-Yeah, it's really spicy to me. I have...

You used too much.

[Chris] You know what might cure that?

I think a little soju might fix that,
honestly.

-Oh, yes, now.
-[Dulcé] Come true, soju.

-Before we get into this...
-This is the strawberry, that's the peach?

[Dave] Yeah.

Now, Dulcé, who should open this?

[Dulcé] I'm the youngest, right?

But you've gotta do the twirl, like:

I'm so old,
I don't know how to do any of this stuff.

You gotta do the twirl, man.

[Chris] We've got a video to show people...

-[Terry] Oh, you did it!
-Look at that!

-[Chris] Look at the swirl.
-[Terry] He's got a tornado in there!

-[Chris] He's got the tornado.
-Ow!

[laughter]

[Terry] Don't lose a finger, David.

-I cut myself.
-They sharp as hell.

[Terry] You're the first to get an injury
on the other side of the table.

-On your own show.
-Yeah.

[Dulcé] They opened them already.

They opened them already
'cause it's live tel...

You cut the hell out of yourself!

-I can't believe...
-[Chris] You cut yourself on that side.

You spent 14 weeks on this side
and didn't cut yourself,

and then sat there for one time.

-I got a...
-[Dulcé] It was an accident.

I got to pour it 'cause I'm younger, so...

I can pour it. I just go one hand.

[Dulcé] No, that's original.
I ain't drinking that.

-[Chris] We can go onions now.
-[Terry] Onions in there.

So Terry shows up to our first call, Dave,

and he says,
"I've been doing research on Dave.

I know he loves to serve chicken
and he loves eggs."

I was like, "You did research, man?"

I've never put chicken in eggs.
It sounds crazy.

-He is Tom Brady.
-[Terry] I know. I go all in, man.

-[Dulcé yells]
-I have a question for you.

Are you guys dark meat, white meat?

My wife hates dark meat,

which makes no sense
because I'm dark meat.

-But... she's like, I'm not having...
-He said he's dark meat!

[Terry] She's like,
"I'm not having the thighs."

I'm like, "The thighs are the best part,
the most tender."

Talk to me.

-[Dulcé] I only buy chicken thighs.
-You know what I'm saying?

-[Dulcé] I love chicken thighs.
-I love chicken thighs.

-You can marinate it, you can smoke them.
-I need a tetanus shot.

Oh, my God.

[Dave] Mandy's the best.

Thank you so much. Ooh!

I just realized her name is 2-3,
Michael Jordan in Korean.

[speaks in Korean]

-You are Korean.
-I'm Dool Seht. [laughs]

2-3 in the house.

You're so Korean. It's wild.

Listen, my Korean name is Park Sun-mi.

-What's your soju flavor of choice?
-Yes.

Peach, baby! Listen, and yogurt.

One of my homeboys,
the only way he describes soju is:

"Rice liquor tastes like peach."
It's the only way.

All right, we'll finish this off.

So we're backstage,
and I don't wanna interrupt the chicken

'cause we're gonna get back in a second,
but you love soju.

Yes. My 35th birthday...

No, my 34th birthday,
all I drank was five bottles of soju.

-Let's do that. We've gotta drink six.
-God bless!

But it wasn't just me.
We went party to party to party.

[Terry] Look at that,
that was almost gone. Look.

-We were not prepared for this.
-[Dulcé] No, listen.

I wasn't. Nothing like drunk guests.

No. See, this cup got two shots in it.

A bottle of soju got nine or 11 shots,
depending on how you pour it.

-[Terry] She's got the math down.
-I do this all day.

The math is mathing here.

[laughter]

Before the show,
Terry was like, "It's like football.

You can plan for it, but then the ball..."

-It can go anywhere.
-It can go anywhere.

-It's happening. It's right now.
-It's falling everywhere.

I didn't want to interrupt,
go back to the chicken and egg.

You had it right because the oyakodon,
like Dave said,

is parent and child.

The parent is the chicken,
the child is the egg.

-Damn.
-Super nurturing, comforting dish.

So we've got just onions,
scallions, uh, chicken thigh,

and then your beloved dashi.

-Dashi, mirin... Mirin in there.
-Sake and soy.

I got mirin at the house,
I don't know what to do with it.

She's at my house,
just sitting in my cabinet.

-We can do our dashi now.
-All right.

Here we go. Dashi coming up.

[Dulcé speaks in Korean]

This is the dashi going in.

[Chris] But, Dave, legit, you had no idea.
Did you have guesses?

[Dave] I have been literally bedridden

-for two and a half weeks.
-[Terry] Wow.

I try to stay off the phone,
no social media,

'cause I've not been able to do anything.

And, uh, you guys have
not told me anything.

You were here when we were practicing,
and you were snooping,

but we were trying to hide everything.

-No guesses?
-I tried to pretend like I cared.

[laughter]

You were really just kicking back.

You know what, we were talking backstage.

I mean, doing what you do...

As an athlete,
I had to turn off my pain receptors.

You know what I mean?
You just learn to go through anything.

That can be dangerous.

Because all of a sudden,
you're like, "Oh, man, I'm dead."

You know? You turn around,
you do something that's too far...

Talk to me. You were in pain
while you were doing this.

I was. I mean...

I thought it was just the stress
of doing this show

when we did this almost four and a half,
five months ago.

'Cause I've had a lot of back issues.

And next thing you know, it wasn't stress.

It was a really screwed up disc
that had to go,

because I got stenosis,
it's degenerative, all these things.

-And... We didn't have...
-[Terry] Oh, my God.

-It's never right to take time off.
-[Terry] Yeah, yeah.

But, also, I'm turning 47,
and the surgeon was like:

"You're getting older.
You're not who you were."

-I have to accept that.
-[Terry] Yeah.

So it's not easy getting older,
but you got to deal with it.

-Have you ever been injured before, Dulcé?
-Emotionally, yes.

[laughter]

-[Terry] 'Cause women do it different.
-Truly.

-When you got that grind, you don't stop.
-[Dulcé] I was hosting...

Two years ago, I was hosting
the Hollywood Critics Association Awards,

the three-hour award show
at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

It's me for three hours.
I gave awards. Abbot Elementary.

Everybody's getting awards.
I had on shoes I'd never worn before.

And so the award show...

Three hours, I'm coming back, walking on.
I'm hosting, back and back.

And then, as the show is over,
I'm coming down the stairs,

I reach for the stage manager's hand
and I twisted both ankles.

[Terry] Oh!

And it's so funny 'cause everybody
that I knew who's a performer,

as a comic, goes,
"At least it was at the end of the show."

-[Terry] Oh, my God.
-At least it was at the end.

Right, mind you, I'm laying there,
and they take my shoes off of me,

and six paramedics show up.

And I was like,
"How big did you tell them I was?"

-[Chris] No!
-Six grown-a*s...? Grown men?

-[Chris] You know what that's like to me?
-Four and a half Terry Crews.

I was like, "Why?"

It's like when I order takeout
and they give me silverware for eight.

-I'm like, "It's just me."
-[Dulcé] 'Cause you want a taste.

You have leftovers. I do that sometimes.
I've been like, "There's no fridge."

-[Terry] But did you try to play it off?
-No, I was down.

-You just, "Oh! And it's over."
-It was over. I know how to fall.

'Cause I've been performing my whole life.
I used to dance and do musical theater.

So I knew how to fall gracefully.
'Cause I didn't roll down.

I tucked my ankles up beneath me
and they twisted.

And then, uh, I get to my room,
I can hear the after-party from my room.

I look out the window...
I'm at the hotel. They're at the pool.

So I hobble over to the stage.
I'm like, "I'm going to the after-party."

And the security brought me a wheelchair.

I was like, "I'm going
to the after-party." I am in.

I can't move. Security took me
to the after-party in a wheelchair.

Sheryl Lee Ralph was like,
"What happened?"

I was like, "The show ended up twisting
my ankles. But I wasn't missing this."

You know what you could've used
on your recovery?

-Soju?
-That. But also this dish.

-Yes. We just put the egg in.
-You put the egg in and we twirling.

-You see that?
-This seems like a low-heat situation.

-Like we're letting this...
-[Terry] Gets a little custardy.

-[Chris] Exactly.
-Okay.

[Terry] That's it?
It's gonna get a little custardy.

I messed up. I tried this at home
and I used too many eggs.

-[Dulcé] How many eggs?
-A Japanese grandma is watching.

-"My God, what are they talking about?"
-[laughter]

Too many eggs? That's crazy.

That part of the Internet
is gonna k*ll me right now.

I don't know what I'm doing.

-[Dave] Everyone loves you, man.
-Oh, no. No, they don't. Not at all.

We were complaining, like in America,
eggs are just a breakfast thing.

You don't get to see eggs
at dinner ever in America.

Eggs is prevalent throughout the world,
particularly in Asia,

because it's an inexpensive way
to add luxury to a dish.

-I really believe that.
-Oh.

Like in Korean food,
it's in a soup, a stew, or in rice.

And I wish everyone else
sort of understood that, right?

[Dulcé] We need to stop putting it
on burgers. We need to calm down.

[Terry] No! I love a fried egg
on a burger.

-Oh, no. We about to... Uh-uh.
-A runny yolk?

We're on the same page.

-Oh, no! No, no, no.
-[Dulcé] Stop playing!

[Terry] A fried egg with a bacon
on my burger.

-No, no, no.
-Are you a social media influencer?

-Do you need it to be like...?
-[Terry] I'm alone.

-I'm all alone, but that's okay.
-You're all alone, Terry.

You know where you'll be accepted
with your stance?

-Australia.
-[Terry] Really? Yes.

-'Cause they f*ck it up all the time.
-[Dulcé] Listen...

-Can't trust them.
-Australia's mad at me,

'cause they put beets and egg on it.

-Beets? Oh!
-Yeah.

-You can't trust them upside-down whites.
-We just lost our Australian audience.

I wanna say this.

One thing, a hot take
that we are gonna agree on is school.

You went to culinary school,
you graduated, the whole thing.

Like, "Man, I wish I didn't.

I wish I just learned how to mentor
and the whole thing," right?

I'm the same way.

I went to school
and I didn't learn anything.

Everything I learned was afterward.

[Dulcé] I learned so much in school.
You went to bad schools.

-Maybe.
-That's true.

-[Terry] But I know...
-You know what?

Like, a lot of comics sh*t on going
to stand-up classes.

I took a stand-up class.

I took a class from a working professional
comic who told me when he met me

-that I'm a comedian.
-[Dulcé] Right.

I was like, "No, I'm not. I'm an actor."

He's like, "No, this is what
you're supposed to be doing."

He put me in this class.

-What are y'all doing with that?
-[Terry] Check this out.

This is how you'll add elegance.

-[Dulcé] Putting egg on egg?
-Watch this.

-Watch this.
-A little gilding the lily.

-We did some soy-cured egg yolks just...
-[Dave] What does "gilding the lily" mean?

-[Terry] It's when you...
-An educational topic.

Take a flower and you put gold on it.
That's what it is.

You're overdoing it.
That's what we're doing.

[Chris] We overdid it.

Gilding the lily is supposed to be like,
"It's already opulent."

-[Chris] We're making it extra opulent.
-[Dave] What's opulent mean?

[Dulcé] You don't know
what it means? David!

-Really good. It means good.
-Where's your mama?

The rice turned out good.
I usually always burn rice.

-It's a tricky thing, you know?
-[Dave] So does Chris.

He's being nice. Terry's being nice.
But, also, I screwed up the rice.

-I am being nice. But I've done it before.
-In the fridge, there's big, mushy rice.

-[Dave] That's why Asians created congee.
-[Terry] It gets too sticky, it's a mess.

-[Dulcé] Congee, the porridge?
-[Dave] Yeah.

-Okay.
-My brother's great with a rice cooker.

I'm not great with rice,
so I'll go to H Mart.

They got that big case
of the ready-made Korean rice.

I just buy that.

-You know what?
-I'm gonna scoop this out.

After the show today,
we got to teach you the right way.

[Dulcé] I hear you.

For me it's about the portioning,
'cause I'm trying to keep my neck.

So when I get the little thing...
Then I know I'm not eating...

I'm eating a good adult amount of rice,
as opposed to how much rice I could eat.

Speaking of that, the surgeon said
it was the most difficult surgery.

'Cause my neck is like Oddjob
from James Bond.

[Terry] No! Oh, my God.

[Chris] They gotta go in through the neck.
He's like, "I can't find it."

[Dave] He's like, "You don't have a neck,
and it's just like Oddjob.

-It was difficult."
-[Chris] That was just so rude.

-From the back?
-Up-front.

See, I was talking to...
I did a movie with Kevin Nash.

He was telling me he had neck surgery,
and they did it from the front.

I'm like, "I didn't even know
you could do that."

-[Terry] We did Longest Yard with Kevin.
-I loved that man!

-Isn't he amazing?
-I loved him my whole life.

I did this movie, he comes
in the makeup trailer. "I'm Kevin Nash."

I'm just, "I know. Nice to meet you."

'Cause y'all don't know, but as a woman,

you'll see a man
and your ovaries move a bit.

[laughter]

[Terry] He's a handsome dude.
He's a big, handsome brother.

It's like when I met David Banner.
I was an extra, and I didn't know...

My body knew it was David Banner
before I knew it was David Banner.

I was looking at him and my ovaries moved.
I like, "Oh, David Banner."

So, like, it wasn't...

-Sometimes you just wanna mate.
-Did you have that feeling today

-with any of us?
-Mr. Ying.

-Did I move your ovaries?
-Yeah, I know.

You're married, you don't have a face,
you're married.

-[Terry] Ovaries. No, no, no.
-[laughter]

-[Dulcé] You have a face like... [yells]
-I got nothing for you.

-[Chris] I moved the ovaries!
-If there's not a ring, we can do a thing.

So speaking of moving the ovaries,
here we have these eggs.

-It just busted.
-[Chris] We have garnished with...

[Dulcé] Did you see that trend
where they're trying to get pre-eggs?

-[Dave] I saw.
-Where it's like going into the chicken

-before the... I was like, yo.
-[Chris] It's too much.

Like, "It's chicken roe."
We need to let them come out.

-[Terry] There you are.
-So he garnished with chicken skin.

-Crispy chicken skin.
-[Dulcé] Okay.

-[Terry] Crispy chicken skin.
-Crispy chicken skin? My mama loves that.

[Terry] Crispy chicken skin,
little scallions, and a little togarashi.

[Dulcé] I've never understood this.
Who is she?

-Seasoned sauce?
-[Dave] Seven spice.

-Yeah.
-This is not Japanese Lawry's.

-[Chris] It's basically...
-[Terry] Yeah, actually, that's a great...

[Dave] You just translated something
that's been mysterious for a long time.

Again, dashi and this
is in my household forever.

Black people are gonna put those
on fries at the wing place.

-Yeah.
-[laughter]

[Chris] We forgot one
of our surprises today.

So when Terry went to Brazil
to try Dave's favorite sandwich,

he came back with souvenirs
that are in your drawers.

Yes, open your drawer
and it's a little surprise.

[Dulcé] I ain't opening drawers
for no married man.

[Terry] Yeah, there it is.

-[Chris] Dulcé, you got a little...
-Pull, pull, pull.

-[Terry] Other side. There it is.
-It's a little sandwich.

[Terry] It's a little sandwich.
Mortadella sandwich from Bar do Mané.

The original Bar do Mané.

And this came straight from Brazil.

There we go.
Just to remind you of me forever.

Like somebody made a sandwich for a mouse.

-[Terry] You will never forget me.
-This is amazing.

-It's so cool.
-Tasting this...

Truly, I always love it
when someone cooks for me.

And this is delicious.
It doesn't always have to be delicious.

It's about, as cheesy
as it sounds, it's the intent, you know?

It means a lot to me
that everybody here, production, Terry...

-Thank you. Hello.
-...Dulcé, everybody here is...

Has been supporting, uh,
me and carrying the show on.

I'm just so super grateful. Thank you.

And this, I can taste it. I can taste it.

I got to tell you,
what is your...? I mean...

What's your love language?

Like, when you wanna show love to people,
what do you do?

I know you cook,

but is there anything else
you wanna describe?

It's always the food, you know?
Still, to this day.

I think I get it from my parents, too,
'cause that's how they communicated.

But if you come over to my house,

it's one of the reasons
why I like doing the show.

It's like if you guys come over
to my house, except it's not live.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is great. Oh, my God.

-I, uh...
-What's your love language, Dulcé?

One of my homeboys
has called me a "skillet-sexual."

[Terry] What is...? [laughs]

[Dulcé] 'Cause I enjoy cooking for people.

I also enjoy, like, gift giving,
and just, like, um...

affection.

Speaking of gift giving, when are we...?

-[Terry] What was it?
-[Chris] You want to do it now?

Let's do it. We having a genuine moment.

Yeah, let's go.

-Dulcé has got a gift.
-Wait a minute.

This is the dashi?

-Here, come, friend.
-All right.

Speaking of gift giving,
that is one of my love languages.

I heard that your back was out.

To have surgery from the front
on the neck is crazy.

So that means you got good insurance.

[laughter]

The front, that's where your voice is,
you know?

So my mother makes T-shirts, um,

because she retired
and was like, "I need to work."

And so my mother made this for you.

[Chris] Her mom made you this T-shirt.

[Dulcé] My mama made me this shirt.
Mary Hill.

Mary Hill. Wait, where are you, Mary Hill?

Mary Ann Hill.

Bravo.

Terry, you can show this to everybody.

Let me show it off. Bam, bam.

Look at that.

[Dulcé] My mama was pressing
that shirt last night.

[Chris] She made that for you.

My mother designed that, cut it out.

-I'm honored. I'm so honored.
-This is for you. Oh, my goodness.

-And then for Terry...
-[Terry] Thank you.

-Is mine tight? I want mine tight.
-Yours also is "Get well soon."

Extra small. I gotta show it off.

This is from the show.
They asked my mother to make this.

[Terry] Let me see this.

-[Chris] He's got MVP. That's MVP.
-I got MVP.

-I got MVP.
-[applause]

We'll see. This is a mid-season MVP.

-We haven't finished.
-We in the middle of the season.

-[Dulcé] Doing a great job.
-Thank you.

But, Dulcé, you kept it real on our call
when we were talking about love languages.

-The real love language, we all know...
-Is yelling.

...is a bit of money.

[Dulcé] Hold up. Let me tell you.

That's why I'm out here with Terry Crews,
hoping he got a nephew or a homeboy.

See what I'm saying?
I'm trying to make people, David.

And I'm trying to make human beings

and not with somebody
who ain't got no cash.

Bought a house in North Hollywood.
You gotta have some money, sir.

[Terry] No, that's real.
Listen, when I was...

-I've been married 35 years.
-[Dulcé] God bless.

And I have to say,
the first 20, I was not a good husband.

You know?

Well, I thought I was.
You're doing everything.

But I was kind of misogynistic.
You know, my way or the highway.

Finally, my wife was like, "I'm out."
I was like, "Oh, what?"

-[Dulcé] She said the highway.
-Oh, no.

I had to revamp my whole life.
I had to revamp everything.

So my thing was,
it's just really about redoing...

Just giving me another shot.

And the fact that we got
to 35 years blows me away.

-[Dave] Cheers.
-I'm still...

[Chris] There are so many crazy things
happening right now.

Thirty-five years going on 35 is amazing.

They're gonna finish more...

Not just multiple bottles of soju,

I think they're gonna finish
this bottle of hot sauce.

[Terry] I think they are.

Oh, my God. That's a record.

[Chris] We gotta keep moving.

Now, we are moving
into hand-pulled noodles right now.

-Okay.
-Dave's the noodle man.

[Dave] I gotta be honest,
I can't hand-pull noodles.

-What?
-I tried it. It was not that...

[Terry] Okay. We gonna do it.

He's gonna do biang biang.
"Biang biang," the slapping sound.

-That's why he's slapping the noodle.
-[Terry] Very sexual.

-[Chris] He's slapping the noodle.
-[Dulcé] It wasn't me. I'm not cheating.

-I didn't want to say nothing.
-Oh, baby, baby, baby.

And then, here we go. Boom, boom.

[Dave] What's going on here?

Oh, wait, wait. There we go. Almost.

And we gonna put that in the water.

How much have you been practicing?
You're like Daniel Day-Lewis.

[Terry] Trying to do it up. I'm so happy!

I'm gonna tell you the truth. He got it
on the first try. He got it in one.

-[Dave] That's not that easy to do.
-[Chris] Got it in one.

-[Dave] Terry Crews. God bless.
-We're gonna keep going.

This is gonna go with my pound cake.
It's gonna be the most sexual meal ever.

You know what I mean? Slapping noodles
and pound cake! [yells]

[Chris] You are really slapping
those noodles, man.

[Dulcé] You should be glad
I'm a good Christian woman, Terry Crews.

Well, see, that's the thing.

I wanted to tell you,
I wasn't a good husband, but I got rich.

So when you get rich,
when you get your money,

it makes up for everything, you know?

I bought happiness, which is wonderful.

[Dulcé] They like to say
money can't buy happiness,

but you've never owned things.

[laughter]

I just been telling one of my friends.

I said before, when I made less money,
I always knew what I wanted for dinner.

[Terry grunts]

But now that I'm like, I can spend $500
on dinner and not think about it,

I never know what I wanna eat.

It changes your whole mindset.

[Dave] Optionality.

My mama gets in a restaurant, she's like,
"We could just get a bunch of stuff."

I'm like, "Yeah,
you're not paying for it. Go ahead."

Dulcé, would you like to try this?

-Hell, yeah!
-Come on.

I'm doing this one.
You can do the next one.

-Here we go.
-Okay.

-I gotta wash my hands, take my rings off.
-There we go.

-I'm coming.
-Come on over.

-The real test. If Chris Ying can do it.
-You want some...?

-Dave's just...
-Come on over.

I realized... He identified immediately

that me having Terry do it was so that
I wouldn't have to do it on camera.

-[Dave] Terry's, like...
-You got this.

-[Dulcé] Slapping cheeks with Terry Crews.
-I'll demo one for Dulcé.

You know what they'd call you? Sifu.

"Master,"
the way you just pulled that off.

-I love this.
-This is my new show.

Hi, welcome
to Slapping Cheeks with Terry Crews.

Slapping noodles, not slapping cheeks.

No cheeks here.

Here you go. Oh, you got it.

I had to... See.

I know some of y'all nasty folk
wouldn't wash their hands before.

[Dave] I'm out of a job, man.
I'm totally out of a job.

-Cradle the noodle.
-Like a bosom.

Like a bosom.

You're gonna pull while you're
kind of starting to slap the noodle.

Mmm! Okay.

[Dave] God, I lost money
'cause I just bet against you.

Whoa!

[all cheer]

Get a win!

-I love it.
-You got it. You got it.

Dulcé, when you're here,
you're gonna split it at the top.

-Split it at the top.
-Okay.

-[Dave] Did you learn that at Haidilao?
-[laughter]

I got a night job, man.
I gotta work two jobs.

Yeah, there you go. Pull it a little bit,
and then you start to smack it.

There you go. Ooh!

[Dave] Damn.

-[Chris] Oh, my God. Dulcé!
-[yells]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't wanna be involved
in your noodle slapping.

-You slap your own noodle.
-Watch the snap back.

-That's great.
-Damn.

-Okay, I'm losing it.
-I take it all back, Terry.

Everyone's good at it.

[laughter]

[Dulcé] I do like arts and crafts.

-Seems like this isn't hard at all.
-Then you can split it from here.

-There you go.
-[Dulcé] Then you split it.

Oh, there it is.

-First, you pull it.
-Wow!

You're safe. You're safe.

You pull it, you slap it, you split it.

-I wanna do another one!
-Go ahead, go ahead.

Even the little guys. [gibbers]

I went to Japan
for the first time over the holiday.

And, man, we ate so good.

But I did have a strange meal.

I had one strange thing, and I didn't know
until afterward that I ate it.

Male caviar.

-No, yeah, shirako.
-Milt. It's called milt.

-[Dave] Yeah.
-What?

And it's basic... Yeah.

And I didn't know.

-You know how y'all did the caviar...?
-It's not the same thing.

-We can't put milt all over this thing.
-[laughter]

Chris and I don't call it male caviar.
We call it what it is. Sperm.

You said "male caviar"? Oh, no, no, no.

And I didn't know till afterward.

And my wife looked it up, and she told me.
I was like, "Oh, no! Oh, no."

Hey, man, listen.

If I make a response to that,
you gonna lose all your ratings.

[laughter]

Eating fish splooge.

-I don't do any type of male caviar.
-[Dave] I know. It's hard.

I'll eat it 'cause I have to.
I wanna get to the next course,

and you wanna be respectful.

But when they do a multi-course
of the shirako, it's hard.

[Terry] Yeah, and that's the thing.
It was a course.

Trying to get to the next course...

-[Dave] You wanna be respectful.
-This is the smartest thing.

We've been living like savages.

Not just being...
I have long cooking chopsticks.

They're the best.

-You cook a lot of Korean yourself.
-I do.

I got true Korean cookbooks.
I will roll up into H Mart.

-One year on Christmas, we made kimchi.
-Ooh!

So we made the radish kimchi.
We made the cucumber kimchi.

We made with the cabbage.
So we did all of it.

-Wow.
-I dyed my nails red.

I do not feel good you're here

because everyone that's Korean
is like, "We told you guys.

We told you guys
Dave was not Korean enough."

[Dulcé] I literally called my brother
the other day.

I was like, "Do you have any kimchi?"

"No." I said, I don't either.
So we had to make a kimchi run.

-I don't know how I'm gonna eat.
-[Terry] Awesome.

So we're always going to get kimchi.

Me and the whole family,
we've already plotted out the H Marts.

We don't like this one downtown,
but this one in Arcadia...

-We already found our favorite.
-Oh, you know that one.

-That's a nice one.
-[Chris] That's real.

-A lot of Korean people in Atlanta.
-There's a lot of Koreans.

Atlanta has
the third highest Korean population,

which makes sense
'cause they sell us all our hair, so...

That's why I started watching
Korean dramas in high school

because there was a Korean TV station.

That's when I started watching
Korean dramas.

Now I'm all caught up.

I was watching them one day,
I was like, "That's not what he said.

-Wait, do I speak Korean?"
-[laughter]

[Terry] All right, we're making...

Dulcé's watching Squid Game
in Korean without subtitles.

Squid Game was too much for me.

I like the ones...
One, I love a historical drama.

[Dave] The zombie one?

No. I don't do scary stuff.
First of all, I don't f*ck with zombies.

Train to Busan. Oh, that was hot.

Uh-uh. If you dead, sit down.
I don't f*ck with zombies.

-Oh, no.
-Mmm. What you up for?

"If you're dead, sit down."

We got a little greenery
going over the top.

You never looked at zombies
and been like, "Sit your dead a*s down"?

-Uh...
-We got some cucumbers.

-I love a cucumber.
-We got some celery.

[Dave] What's the name
for cucumber in Korean?

[Dulcé] I don't know all the words yet.

-[Dave] Okay, I feel better now.
-[Terry] I know.

Listen, I know just enough Korean
to be cute.

My favorite thing is the walk
into the beauty supply store and go:

[speaks in Korean]
And she'll go: [speaks in Korean]

Hey, who told this b*tch...? [laughs]

Or if I can't find something,
I'll go: [speaks in Korean]

And then they'll just start
giving you free stuff.

I know just enough Korean to be cute.
I can maybe count to three.

I'll start watching the dramas...
I realized one day, oh, the words.

Someone said I love you,
and I was like, oh, it's you I love,

if you translate it into English,
that's the syntax.

-I realized that one day.
-[Dave] Syntax?

Nobody uses that word that word here.

You already know two languages,
this is amazing.

Doesn't it make it easier
to learn another one?

-Let's go eat.
-I'm down.

-He's just saying, get out of here.
-[Dulcé] You can beat it, Toots!

We got this salad here.

So this salad is tons of herbs,

uh, it'll cut through all this fat,
'cause Terry and I made this...

-Is this your comfort-food salad, David?
-So good.

We made this gravy earlier.

It's pork collar and meatballs
and doubanjiang.

[Dulcé] Pork collar?
Is that just neck bones?

-No, no, no.
-Or the shoulder blades?

-Pork neck.
-[Terry] Pork collar. Neck.

It's neck bones.

-[Terry] No, that...
-It's the meat that's off the neck.

[Dulcé] Oh, okay.

It literally looks like beef.
That's what's so wild about it.

When we put it in the pan, I was like,
this is like a beef roast.

-Mmm! Okay.
-It's amazing.

-[Dulcé] Did you make that before?
-Of course.

-Meatballs in there.
-Mm-hmm. Look at that.

It's spicy.

But then you guys, also,
won't feel anything anymore.

[Dave] You're eating this hot sauce,

are there more Koreans
than Jamaicans in the Atlanta area?

-Absolutely.
-But there's a lot of Jamaicans.

My family's from Miami,
so I grew up eating different foods.

My mother would make curry goat,
paella with pigeon peas and rice.

Like, um, fried yuca was
my favorite thing growing up.

If I never eat a potato again,
I'm fine. But fried yuca?

-It's my favorite.
-[Terry] I love yuca.

When I came back from Brazil
I made a casava cake.

I didn't know what it looked like.
It was this big, barky thing.

[Dulcé] It's poisonous.
You gotta cook it down.

[Terry] Yeah, it's poisonous
if you eat it raw.

Stop being so curious about food.
We're gonna be out of a job, man.

You opened up so much...

And another thing, I went to Chicago
and went to Au Cheval

and had their bologna sandwich,
fried bologna sandwich.

It was delic...

You liked their burger with egg,
that's why you like it.

That's the thing. The egg. You're right.

-You're right, but now... I need it.
-[Dulcé] I got to pace myself.

I need it all, man.

Just having this experience
has opened up all kinds of things for me.

I know what you mean about the dashi.
That in collard greens?

-Here we go. Check this out.
-[Dave] Whoa.

-[Dulcé] Are we putting the salad on top?
-[Terry] Yes, yes, we are.

-[Chris] That's more salad than we need.
-[Terry] I will stop there.

-I will stop there.
-[Dave] What's going on with her, man?

[Chris] She knows too much.

[Dulcé] For Thanksgiving, for years,
we would do Vietnamese food.

Here we go, guys. Here's your plate.

We would go to the Vietnamese restaurant
and order takeout.

My mother was like,
she said, "I've been eating..."

My mother said we've been eating turkey
and dressing and this stuff.

We've been eating this for years.
Let's do something else.

So for years we started doing
Vietnamese food for Thanksgiving.

For my mom's birthday,
we would always get Indian food.

Um, I think, for Christmas this year,
we did Korean food.

We just go to H Mart.
You know they have the bulgogi pre-done.

Your household might be
the most progressive household in America.

[laughter]

-Facts.
-[Terry] You have a Fresca in here?

-If there's no dumpling in my freezer...
-[Chris] We'll get you a Fresca.

-[Terry] Need something to drink.
-Guys, this looks very good.

-I don't drink alcohol.
-[Dulcé] This is amazing.

-[Chris] We'll get you something.
-These noodles strong.

I feel like they gonna bite back.
Y'all did the damn thing?

Who...? Who made this?

[Dulcé] Who made this?
Make some potato salad and a block of it.

-What's all up in that pot, though?
-[Terry] Isn't that amazing?

That's something else.

I had a chance to go
to Momofuku Noodle Bar in New York...

-That's you, my friend.
-...and it was fabulous, man.

Let me tell you.

They had a special
that was these noodles, super thick,

but with cheese on them
and, um, pork belly.

It was melted on top... It was so good.
Like mac and cheese with bacon.

-Can't go wrong with that.
-[Terry] The flow, know what I'm saying?

-Ooh, this noodle thick as hell.
-[Chris] Do you mess with Diet Coke?

Oh, that's good. That's perfect.
Thank you, thank you.

This is, um...

You okay, legit?

-You know I'm not gonna lie.
-[Chris] I mean, like, it's no joke.

We want to show our love for you,
we missed you while you were out, man.

First of all, this is your kitchen, man.
This is your house.

[Dave] I'm honored that you're here, man.

I wanted to pay respect to you for all
the things you do for so many people.

You gotta understand,
I'm in entertainment.

I only work with two senses,
sight and sound.

But cooking works
with all five senses all the time,

you know, I mean sight, sound,
touch, taste, smell, all of it.

When you're talking about entertaining,
this is the ultimate entertainment,

you know what I'm saying?

You know, this is why chefs, I think,
have become the new stars, you know.

And it's one of those things where like,
"Hey, Tom Cruise, David Chang, all good."

-You know what I mean?
-[Dave] We got Scientology.

[laughter]

-That's the point.
-[Terry] You're just as weird, too.

-You guys are weird. It's all right.
-Let me ask you, Dave.

-You said you show love through food.
-Yeah.

Now, your wife knows that you do that.
That's your thing.

Can you get away with, like,
cooking for your wife,

that's an act of love, or is she like,
"Come on, I know you can do this"?

-It's not enough.
-[Chris] It's not enough anymore.

[Terry] Really?

-I'm not trying to say anything.
-[Terry] Yeah.

It was my wife's birthday
on Friday, can I just cook a meal?

[Dave] They don't wanna eat your food.

-They don't want it.
-You have a wife?

-How dare you waste my time?
-[Chris] I moved your ovaries!

You weren't wearing a ring,
you son of a b*tch!

-I didn't wanna say nothing.
-You let him get away with this?!

I've been hoodwinked. Bamboozled!

You moved the ovaries, you did do that!

You lying b*stards!

This is like a K-drama. It really is.

-[Terry] This is for real.
-Give me kimchi to slap you with.

We're getting a divorce!
No, we're not. We're not. We're not.

-No, he loves you. He loves you.
-Thank you.

-Thank you.
-Yes, ma'am, he loves you.

Let me try to make it up to you, Dulcé.
Do you like dessert?

-You know that's my name.
-We didn't make any desserts.

-[Dulcé] Wow!
-We did not do it.

Usually I know a man longer
before he breaks my heart.

Dave doesn't care
about desserts that much.

-He's a savory guy.
-[Dulcé] What?

The only dessert he's ever said
he cares about,

is on his birthday every year,
he gets a cake from Milk Bar.

[Dulcé] Sounds right.

No matter where he is,
he gets this cake delivered.

Only dessert he's ever said.
We weren't gonna make the cake.

-Terry made cake last time.
-[Dave] He's a hell of a baker.

-Thank you.
-Them arms.

But we didn't make it,
so we outsourced it instead.

So we have somebody else
who made dessert for you guys.

Who's gonna bring it out?

-[Terry] Come on out!
-When she hears her cue.

Christina Tosi!

Hey! How are you guys?
Okay. It's dessert time.

-Okay, this is for you.
-[Terry] The queen of sweets.

-Oh, my God.
-Hi.

-The queen of sugar and sweets.
-How are you doing?

-Hi!
-This is crazy.

-[Dulcé] It's nice to meet you.
-This is my sister.

-Also, hi.
-Hi.

-[Terry] I'm gonna open this, right?
-Yes, please.

How long has this secret been in wraps?

-I mean...
-[Christina] They're to go.

[Chris] The TV gods smiled on us.
Tosi wasn't even gonna be here.

I brought it, just in case
you wanna eat the cookie dough.

Tosi, what do we got?

Okay, I brought all kinds of stuff.
All kinds of goodies.

Is eating cookie dough as dangerous
as they want to make us think it is?

-No. It is not dangerous.
-[Terry] Yes.

It's not dangerous.
It's good for the heart.

It's Caucasian propaganda once again.

It's my first time meeting you.
How you doing?

-Hi, Terry. How are you?
-Oh, my God.

Okay, listen, I brought cookies
from the bakery.

-I got corn. I got combos.
-[Terry] I'll open that.

I got cornflakes topped
with marshmallows. I brought...

So Dave has a lot of opinions about food,

and he raised me on many levels
as my brother

to think about a bunch of stuff.

I brought you new stuff from the bakery.

These are called gooey bars,

and they are purposefully gooey
in the center in all the best ways.

Brownie marshmallow,
vanilla butter cake, cinnamon toast.

Because it's like comfort food,
I brought you my...

This is one of my current comfort foods
at the bakery, on the menu.

I brought you Milk Bar pie
'cause that's a comfort food.

[Dulcé] I've always wanted
to try the Milk Bar pie.

I got you. It's dense, it's gooey.
Are you ready for the rest?

My current favorite comfort food, Dave...

Cinnamon toast.

...which reminds me of working
in the basement of Ko together

is you take some super crunchy cookies,

you put them... I think
there's brown-butter chocolate-chip.

-[Chris] Wait. These are insane.
-Or pretzel-y chocolate chip.

You pour them in a bowl,
pour milk over them...

-No!
-He used to dog my prep station.

-[Terry] It's like cereal!
-At Momofuku.

Like Cookie Crisp.

That one,
cornflake chocolate-chip marshmallow.

-[Dave] This is something else.
-[Terry] So good.

That milk looks expensive as hell.

-[Terry] That's real stuff. Whole milk.
-[Christina] It is, for me,

like, when you grow up enough
to be a professional, air quotes,

you can be like I'm gonna bring someone
a T-shirt to work from my job.

Or I'll underbake the center of this thing
as much as humanly possible

-that I can get away with.
-Ooh.

[Terry] Christina,
what does Dave mean to you?

[Christina] You better
make eye contact with me.

-[Dulcé] I just said that.
-[Chris] Look who loves you!

Look who showed up for you!

I don't see her every day like I used to,
and we've been through so much together.

And I... We both say this,
we are brother and sister

because we sometimes argue
like brother and sister,

but we love each other
like brother and sister.

And when I mean this, it's like you're
as much family as my own real family.

-I love you to the death.
-[Terry] Aw.

-I really do. You are always there for me.
-You're always there for me.

He turned the mirror around on me
when I didn't...

I didn't know what I had in me
or what I, what I, what I...

And he was like, no, this is who you are.
Like, go out and do it.

-[Dulcé] This is amazing.
-Thank you for being here.

[Christina] Truly.

I read her husband's book,
Unreadable Hospitality.

-[Dave] Shout-out Will.
-I'm trying to tell you.

[Christina] What's up, babe?

-Listen, the attention to detail...
-I'll be home soon!

I got to give props.

You got the kids, I'll be a few minutes.

He taught me, you got
to pay attention to the details, man.

You can't play around with this.
Look at that!

-That's a genius move.
-Take the cookies.

You get them at the grocery store.
You pour the milk over them.

Anywhere you go...
Oh, and this one. Sweet-16 layer cake.

It's our 16th birthday.

Dave has his own special birthday cake
that finds him wherever he goes.

-[Dave] It's true.
-Um, coming soon...

This one is 16 different layers
of Milk Bar because it's our 16th year.

It's everything, from chocolate
to pretzel to cheesecake,

-cookies and cream, lemon curd.
-[Chris] This is pork belly right here.

[laughing] The sprinkles.

[Dulcé speaking indistinctly]

[Christina] Oh! There's
a dulce de leche in there.

-[Dulcé] You're welcome.
-I got you. I got you.

-[Chris] Listen...
-This thing is living.

We have thanked everybody,

but this dude needs
a special thanks from us.

-[applause]
-Hold up.

Thank you, thank you for what you mean.

This blows my mind,
this was a dream of mine,

and you made it come true.

Thank you for letting me
take over your home.

It's such a wonderful thing to meet you.

The amazing, hilarious Dulcé Sloan,
you were a pleasure.

Thank you.

-And my man Chris!
-[Chris] Thank you.

I couldn't have done it without you.
This is all about a spinoff!

This is my evil plan to get a spinoff,

Slapping Noodles and Pound Cake
by Terry Crews on Netflix.

Here we go, baby! This is my evil plan.

-Slapping Cheeks with Terry Crews.
-[Terry] We love you.

-[Chris] Thank you, guys.
-Thank you. Dinner Time, baby.

Oh, oh, oh!

Like I said, we either doing it
or we getting canceled.

[laughter]

-I'll take the rest.
-So good. You crushed it.

Oh, my God. I couldn't
have done it without this man.

[theme music playing]