01x17 - Choose Your Own Adventure Menu

[bunniefuu]

Hello, Chris Ying here.
As you can tell, it's a little bit

of a different episode today
of Dinner Time Live.

We have two spectacular, wonderful guests,

Joel McHale and Harvey Guillén,
but what we don't have

is a menu from this guy.

-You've been wanting to do this forever.
-Yeah.

Whose bright idea was it? My dumb idea.

This guy's bright idea,
to do a fully improvised menu,

meaning he's... You haven't even been
in this kitchen in four days or so.

Correct. Well, I'm hoping
is that this is something

we're gonna be able to do more of.

This embodies everything
that I originally wanted this show to be,

where no safety net,
no prepping out far in advance.

Everything's happening real time.

He is gonna open the fridge
for the first time

and see what's in there, start unpacking.

These are all the proteins we haven't had.

-Joel really likes meat.
-Yeah.

Can we make a c*ck
with creatine for him?

[Chris laughs]

Just a protein shake c*ck?

Joel, who you know pretty well,
his whole thing to me was:

"I want Dave to serve me stuff he's afraid
that other people wouldn't eat."

He also says to you that he could cook
a steak better than you.

I don't disagree.

Harvey seems like a fun guy to eat with.

He likes one of your favorite places.

He likes to go
to Boiling Crab in Koreatown.

This is way more pressure and intense
than I thought it was gonna be.

[Chris] You created
your own nightmare challenge.

I think I'm gonna do a seafood boil.

I'm gonna have Joel,
you know, put his money

where his mouth is and see
if he can actually cook a steak.

-To temp.
-Without editing.

[Dave] I'm gonna do something with this,
and I saw some berries.

We're entering the stone-fruit season
here in Los Angeles.

So next time you see this guy,
he'll have his two guests in front of him.

We'll be cooking.

Let's let him get to work.

[theme music playing]

Welcome to Dinner Time Live.
I'm Dave Chang.

-That's Chris Ying.
-[applause]

-[Joel whoops]
-[Dave] We did it, folks!

Joel McHale, Harvey Guillén,
welcome, welcome.

-Um...
-I can't believe this.

You guys are guinea pigs
in a guinea pig, like, world for us.

[Joel] We're the guinea pigs today?!

-We're testing something out all season.
-I've never had guinea pig before.

-[Chris] Cuy.
-I've had...

We've had guinea pig in Brazil.

[Chris] We've had Cuy,
and they garnished the plate

with little guinea pig feet...

-[Harvey] How was it?
-Come on, dude.

[Chris] We're gonna get canceled here.

-But...
-[Joel] Ed McMahon, everybody.

-[laughter]
-[Chris] That's me.

You all right?

[Dave] Um...

And I was out of town.

I came in this morning, and the whole plan
was, "Let's do an improvised show."

We're gonna walk in, or I did,
I don't know, a couple hours ago,

open up the fridge.

And I don't know
if people will believe it,

but we took a look in the fridge
and we made a menu.

-Like curdled milk...? Wait.
-Expired butter.

There were some things.
I wanted to give you some Taylor Ham.

I can't remember which episode we had it.

It was from the Aziz episode,
so that was a month ago.

-[Harvey] How long were you away?
-[Dave] More than a month ago.

How long were you away for?

[Dave] I'm just trying
to tell you that, like,

that's how real our refrigerator was...
And leftovers.

And I pulled it out
and I could not serve it to you.

[laughter]

So if this were an L.A. restaurant,
you'd get what letter on the outside?

[Dave] An A-plus. An A-plus.

[laughter]

I'm excited for Aziz-turned ham.

[Dave] Uh, Taylor Ham.

It's now in the garbage.

-[Chris] It had finally turned.
-It had finally...

Yeah. But what do they have
in front of them so far?

-You already made one thing.
-[Dave] Oh, yes. I forgot.

[Joel] Look at him keeping you on track,
David Chang.

-Um...
-[Chris laughs]

[Dave] So I had some frozen artichokes,
and I saw some white fish,

and I thought, why don't we put
that together and turn it into...

an artichoke whitefish dip
with some crostini.

And we had some cucumbers,
and I pickled those quickly with,

three minutes ago, with some salt, MSG,
sugar, and vinegar, rice wine vinegar.

-So dig in there, guys.
-[both] All right.

We said we wanted
to be adventurous with our eating.

-Yeah.
-[Dave] I know. Then...

I wasn't gonna serve you offal
or anything like that.

-Is that what you wanted?
-Yeah.

[Chris] His specific request was,
what was it, hare?

[Joel] Hare à la royale.

No, we're not doing that.
We're not doing that.

No, that's a whole other day.

First of all, he doesn't want to do it,
second of all,

I think Harvey has a pet rabbit.

-I have a pet rabbit.
-[Chris] You have a rabbit?

That doesn't mean
I'm not gonna eat rabbit,

but I love...
I'm not gonna eat that rabbit.

[Dave] Well, cheers, guys.

-Thank you. This is exciting.
-[Harvey] Cheers.

-[Joel] Here we are.
-Thanks for having us.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

Thank you, Mandy.

You went crazy last show with drinking,
so you're not drinking this show?

-It's a good martini.
-So...

Okay.

-Never made artichoke whitefish dip.
-[Harvey] Okay.

I saw some pork belly,
and I was gonna make something

that my grandfather made quite a bit,

and I don't know why, but we pivoted
towards making a pozole.

-Ooh.
-Not authentic pozole,

-but tastes weirdly authentic.
-[Harvey] Oh.

'Cause there's some soy sauce,
some fish sauce in there.

Then, um...

We had some soft-shell crabs
that we never used.

Defrosted those. We'll make a spider roll.

-Can you keep it down?
-[Dave] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I can't hear the whole crunch.

We had some shrimp and I'm
gonna give you something that is...

uh, like a crawfish boil meets
a boiling crab, which I love.

-That's my favorite.
-Something...

meets Szechuan province,
meets Creole country.

[Chris] It's the Venn diagram
between eight different influences.

But, yeah, one of them was
Harvey's love of Boiling Crab.

[Harvey] I love Boiling Crab.

Boiling Crab is an institution here.

[Harvey] The Boiling Crab...

Soft-shell is my favorite crab
on the planet.

They don't take reservations,
so you have to go,

and, like, you just wait it out,
just to get some fish and shrimp in a bag.

-Where is this?
-They have different locations.

The Koreatown one is the one I go to.

-[Dave] Let's not invite him.
-Does he not...?

-[Joel] I'm excited.
-[Chris laughs]

I can't wait. When are we going?
All right, what do we got?

And we were told, 'cause, you know,
I guess the producers called Joel,

and they said he was like, "I can
cook meat way better than David Chang."

I said, "You're probably right."

So if we have the chance,

we should get you to cook this nice...

Because if you follow your Instagram feed,

it's a lot of Joel being master of meat.

-A lot of meats.
-Yeah, that's off Instagram too.

You're the master of meat.

Yeah, that was the nickname
I got in high school.

-Yeah, that's how we know each other.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-We met on Masters of Meat.

Yeah, Masters of Meat.

Totally different kind of show.
What do you think of the orange wine?

It needs sulfites.

-[Harvey] This is really good.
-I like orange wine, but I just...

I'm not... I can't love it.

Sulfites are naturally occurring
in all wine.

This is sulfite-free, correct?

[Chris] Uh, generally, these natural wines
leave the sulfites out,

so they get weirder the longer they sit.

[Joel] All right,

-voice of "I know everything."
-[laughter]

-I'm Chris...
-[Chris] I'm not trying to be a d*ck.

-Leave the sulfites in there, Mandy.
-Um...

This is outstanding.

I'm very happy you're enjoying it.

It's so good.
I hope the crew gets none of it.

-You heard me.
-I was surprised that came together.

I've never made...

I have never made these dishes.
I've made pozole a bunch.

I've never made whitefish before
like that.

-It's pretty good.
-[Joel] It's great.

[Harvey] It's really great. Yeah.

I'm trying to pace myself, 'cause I didn't
eat today on purpose for this show.

That's a good call, pacing yourself.

[Chris] Oh, Harvey, the Internet
is wondering about the c*ck

that you have in front of you
that I've got.

-What are you drinking here?
-Which Internet site?

I'm just on Pornhub over here.

This is a lychee martini, and it's one
of my favorite drinks, so thank you.

It's delicious, yeah.

Um, it smells so great.

[Dave] Cheers. Mandy made it.
She crushed it.

Really did.
Thank you for doing this, yeah.

-Can I taste it?
-Yeah.

Doesn't it smell nice and...?

-All right. Oh, it's great.
-Yeah.

This is why I can't have those,
'cause I would drink it so fast.

-[Dave] Um...
-No.

The lychee martini is not what we joke
as part of the Hefeweizen principle.

Have you ever heard
of this Hefeweizen principle?

The Germans?

[Chris] Have you heard
of this thing that we made up?

[Harvey] Edelweiss? Edelweiss principle.

The Edelweiss principle?

Hefeweizen principle is,
you know, it starts in college with

that one friend who's like,
"Oh, I can't drink that Bud Light,

Coors Light, whatever.

I got to drink this beer
that I'm putting orange in."

You know what I mean?
It's the first person

that decides they got to separate
from the group to go down

the rabbit hole of drinking
the road less traveled.

-[Joel] Okay.
-Starting the trend.

[Chris] It's like your first friend
who discovers craft beer.

-[Harvey] It's the lychee martini.
-[Dave] No.

I don't think
the lychee martini is part of that.

[Chris] When does
the lychee martini enter your...?

I don't think the lychee martini
is part of the Hefeweizen.

-It's its own school.
-[Harvey] Oh!

I feel like you must have gone to college
in the '80s, 'cause it's not like...

The cat's been out of the bag with that
for a while, I think, as far as...

It's not as exotic as it used to be.

I think it's still... But it's now...

The modern-day version of
the Hefeweizen principle is orange wine.

And then it's like, before that,
it was drink whiskey.

"No, I only drink single malt."

-[Joel] Right.
-Right?

-I'm really into Amaros right now.
-[Dave] Yeah. Negronis.

You know, that...

[Joel] Oh, if I hear one more person
offer me mezcal...

[Chris] Exactly! That's exactly it.

I was like, you hate...?
They're like, "I don't like tequila.

I'm a mezcal guy.

-[Chris] That's exactly it.
-That's it.

It's like pickleball. These f*ck.

-You are just...
-[laughter]

I grew up in Seattle,
where they invented pickleball.

-[Dave] Come on.
-[Joel] Yeah, on Bainbridge Island.

And I played it in the '80s,
and then I came here 24 years ago.

"You guys play pickleball?" They're like,
"What are you talking about?"

They thought it was some sort of,
uh, you know, like adult theater.

And, um...

And now it's every kid.

-Every kid.
-[Dave] Well, I didn't...

Pickleball is the Hefeweizen principle.

[Chris] Yeah,
it's an infallible principle.

It can be applied to all walks of life.

What did you do to make this pozole
that's not quite pozole?

[indistinct chatter]

So I just chopped up
some of the pork belly.

I added a couple onions,
oregano, soy sauce.

I took pasilla peppers, árbol chile,
uh, a couple other chiles,

blended that with some garlic,
soy sauce, fish sauce, sugar.

Some other things, I can't remember.

I was just throwing things in there.

-[Chris] Chicken bouillon.
-Chicken bouillon.

Put chicken bouillon in there.

-Yuck.
-That smells delicious.

[laughter]

[Joel] We're already moving on?

[Dave] We're moving on.
You can eat this on the side.

Okay, great.

-These cucumbers are great.
-Moving on.

-God, you're drunk.
-I am.

This is the most I've had to drink
on the show already.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Who, um...? Who's drank
the most on the show?

-And I need a number so I can pass it.
-Who has?

I think it's got to be Aziz
and Cord drinking the martinis,

but legitimately,
I feel like you're on pace.

Oh, it was the martini episode.

-I had three martinis.
-[Chris] It was three martinis a person.

-I'm on pace with three sips of wine?
-[Harvey] This looks amazing.

[Chris] Yeah, I think so.

Do you want me to garnish your pozole
for you, or do you want to do it yourself?

[Harvey] I usually do it myself,
but do the honors.

[Dave] No, no, no, go for it.

-[Harvey] How do you garnish?
-I like doing the whole thing.

-Yeah, do the whole thing.
-I'll do it for Joel.

-[Chris] Yeah.
-[Harvey] Yeah, I don't want that.

-[Joel] You don't want cabbage?
-[Harvey] No, I do love it.

[Dave] A little jalapeno.

[Joel] Uh...

David, did you know that Harvey is
on my favorite show of all time?

[Dave] What is that?

Can't talk about porno.

Cheers. Oh, uh...

Uh, What We Do in the Shadows.

[cheers and applause]

But truth be told,
that is the first thing you told me.

[Harvey] Really?

It's his favorite show of all time.
I'm not even joking.

I should bring up the text message.

[Chris] Which is appropriate
'cause, Harvey,

What We Do in the Shadows, I think
you are at least half-improvising

-on that show?
-[Harvey] Yeah, we do.

Well, we have amazing writers on the show,
but we improvise a lot on the show.

We do a take that's completely improvised,

and usually the take that's used
for the show is 50% scripted

and 50% improvised, so...

There you go. Kind of like today.

-We're improvising today.
-[Dave] We are improvising.

-[Harvey] Yeah, please do it.
-[Joel] It is so...

That show is so tight. It's so funny.

[Chris] Can you tell us
a little bit about the show?

I would love to.

Created by Taika Waititi, from the movie
What We Do in the Shadows,

it became a television show,
but it's completely different.

Um, and it is about a group
of vampires and...

Who live with their human familiar.

Familiar, which is like their kind of...

Very intense assistant.

Uh, but the show is a group of vampires
that live in Staten Island,

thinking Staten Island is
the coolest place on the planet.

And I'll just let it go from there.
And then...

And then we discover
he becomes a bodyguard.

He's also a Van Helsing. So there's that.

-So, yeah.
-[softly] Don't tell them.

I am jealous of you
that don't know the show yet,

-'cause you get to take this ride.
-Oh, right.

Okay, yeah. So you're good at this.

-That was great.
-[laughter]

-[Dave] It's almost like he's presented...
-[Harvey] Yeah.

[Chris] Now, Harvey,
say something nice about Joel.

Uh, I met Joel on this website.

Uh, it was about meat.

It's... Yeah, it was
an early version of Grindr.

Yeah, it didn't pan out.

But, you know, we made a lifelong
connection and went from there.

Where did we meet?

-Oh, I met you at a...
-A back alley.

-Wait, what?
-Right.

[laughter]

[Joel] It was at... Probably The Abbey.

No, I think it was at a...
One of the night-before parties.

[Harvey] The night before the Abbey party?

[Joel] Yeah.

I remember that one. No, uh, we did.
We met at one of those parties.

You came up to me
and said that you loved the show.

-I called security and then...
-[laughter]

I sent you a lock of my hair.

-Transplanted.
-That's so true.

And then, you know, my legal team said,
you either accept it or fight it,

and here we are.

-[Joel] This is spectacular.
-[Harvey] I haven't tried it.

[Dave] How is it?

I know you just said spectacular, but does
it taste like something you've had before?

I always feel like when I make it,
it tastes familiar,

but it's not something I grew up eating
until I started cooking professionally.

And it would be something
that would be for family quite a bit.

-[Joel] It is... What is it? Well...
-That's really good.

The broth is, like, so flavorful.

It's like something my family
couldn't make, 'cause it's too good.

-[Harvey] That's really nice.
-But it's so bright.

But it's, uh,

-it's like a bright comfort food.
-Yeah.

-See how I did that?
-What kind of meat did you use?

f*cking adjectives, guys.

I usually like to make it with pork butt
or pork shoulder.

But when I opened up the fridge,
all I saw was some pork belly.

And, again, I was going
to make it with some rice

and just braise it in sugar,
ginger, garlic, soy sauce,

something that my grandfather
would make a lot. Um...

But then I saw the radishes,
and then I saw the red cabbage,

and I saw cilantro, and I was like,
oh, this is sort of some of the garnish,

sort of a traditional garnish for pozole.

Sometimes it's just with tortillas
and not fried tortilla chips.

In fact, Chris Ying at his wedding
had pozole.

It's true. And Dave, who was a guest,
started serving it instead.

He just could not help himself.
He got back there.

[Harvey] I like the hominy in it.

Sometimes when you have menudo,
it's not traditional to have hominy in it.

-But I actually like menudo.
-[Dave] But this isn't hominy.

We didn't have hominy,
so I used chickpeas and garbanzo.

[Harvey] Which is so similar
that I'm like,

wow, it's delicious.

-It's so good.
-[Dave] Good!

I'm glad. It's one
of my favorite dishes in the world.

Uh, I was really, really glad
that we could make it today,

'cause I thought we'd made it before,
and we didn't, so, you know.

Oh, it's the first time?

Should we open the fridge and just see
if there's something else you can make?

-[Dave] You want...?
-[Chris] Oh, sh*t.

-[Dave] Okay.
-I never had it with chickpeas.

-[Dave] Okay.
-It's so good.

-[Chris] Agent of chaos.
-So good.

[Joel] I'm not a big fan of chickpeas,
and the chickpeas are amazing.

[Harvey] You don't miss the hominy.
I'm so used to the hominy.

What am I gonna make?

[Joel] All right, yeah.
Something with eggs?

[Dave] What am I gonna make? Tell me.

[Chris] What do you guys feel like?

No, let's not... How about some
of the instant coffee, the pickles,

-maybe the...
-All right, what do you...?

We're really going way off script here.
Do you want mortadella?

-Yeah, what can you make?
-Yeah.

Or do you want some more beef?

[Joel] Don't even look...
Just keep pulling it out.

Can you do something
with mortadella and beef?

-Okay.
-[Joel] And eggs?

-[Harvey] Double the meat.
-Yeah, I'll take double meat.

[Dave] This is where the whole show
goes sideways.

We only got 42 minutes, so...

[Chris] I think...

I think you should make
something with that,

but I think you should do
the soft-shelled crab too.

-[Joel] Yes!
-That we had planned.

So the soft-shelled crab we bought
originally for the spring menu,

they were frozen.

Ended up not using them.

They will taste better
than they look, I promise.

It's my favorite thing on the planet
and I'm not kidding.

-[Chris] Soft-shelled crab?
-[Joel] I love it.

I didn't mention it, but it is...
I love it so much.

-[Dave] You're such a good actor.
-Thank you.

[laughter]

I will eat it raw.

And these spring roll wrappers are from

the "Steak and Sensibility" episode,
right?

-Was that when you made the summer rolls?
-[Dave] I did.

[Harvey] Oh, right.

-[Dave] Where they just wanted chicken.
-[laughter]

[Harvey] These aren't the ones...

Remember the circle ones
that you have to wet?

Like those ones? They're not the same.

Yeah. What are those called?

Like the spring roll with the...

-[Dave] What are those?
-[Harvey] Rice paper, right?

[Chris] Rice-paper wet circle?

[Harvey] Rice-paper wet circles? Circle?

Chris can do the proper pronunciation.

-[Chris] No, I absolutely cannot.
-Yes, you can. Do it, do it, do it.

-[sighs]
-[Harvey] Say it.

I just want to say, Mandy, keep it down.

The rice-paper wet circles
are known as bánh tráng.

[Harvey coughs]

-[Joel] You had to look that up, though.
-[Chris] Of course!

-Another name of one of your projects.
-[Dave] So...

That's my company name,
Wet Circle Productions.

[Chris laughs] Rice-paper wet circle.

I got to say, I'm always surprised
that soft-shell crabs are so beloved

when people I don't think realize
what it actually is.

Most people would not try
to eat a whole crab

when it's hard shell.

I don't know why it's all of a sudden

what people want to eat
when it's a soft-shell crab.

'Cause it molts, and that's when,

before it becomes a hard-shell crab again,
it is very paper thin.

[Chris] You're eating it
at its most vulnerable point.

-[Dave] Yes.
-[Joel] Great.

Um, I think it's 'cause,
you know, eating a crab shell

of an adult crab is difficult.

It hurts your mouth.

-You could injure yourself.
-[Dave] Yeah, but you're not eating...

The reason you eat that crab,
you're picking away from all the things.

Now, all of a sudden,
you're eating everything inside it?

I think it's a real deal,
'cause you get to eat everything.

-I don't know about that.
-[Joel] Okay.

I'm eating really fast, Harvey.

[Dave] Have you ever had
a Dungeness soft-shell crab?

-[Harvey] No.
-[Joel] No.

-I don't know if I've ever had it.
-I want to taste them.

I bet you, it has to happen.

I like king crab legs, but they always...
You cut them with your hands

and on a cr*cker, just like,
you know, thorns, thorns, thorns.

But the crab industry has been,
up in Alaska, was shut down, right?

-Because of...
-The red algae?

I thought it was
'cause of the temperature went up.

[Dave] You believe in global warming?

Come on, Joel, you're better than that.

[Joel] Here we go. Welcome to Hannity.

[laughter]

[Joel] Mmm! But I think that's the thing.

Everyone got real quiet.

I didn't sign up for this, Joel.
Don't embarrass me.

[Joel chuckles]

People love it
when we talk about global warming.

[laughter]

Ratings through the roof.

[Joel] I'm saying a thing
that happened in Seattle.

[Dave] No, I believe it's the red algae.

It's like the red tide, which makes it...

[Joel] Look up the crab industry, Alaska,
and see what's happening.

Crab industry in Alaska. What's happening?

[laughter]

It's been hit... The snow crab industry
has been hit hard.

That's what I'm talking about.

Just talking to snow crab...

[Chris] Ninety percent drop in population.

Let's talk about
what you're cooking over there.

Those are not snow crabs.

So I took these, uh, defrosted crabs,
and I wrapped them in these shells

from the Hannah Gadsby,
Natasha Leggero episode.

Good leftovers.

And I'm gonna deep-fry them now,

and then we're gonna roll them
in some nori with some rice.

A little spider-roll action.

[Joel] If there's extra soft-shell crabs,
I'll eat those.

[Dave] I'm gonna make another one.
Take it easy.

[Joel] It's my favorite thing.

Come on,
I feel like you're just saying that.

Oh, you'll... Watch, watch this, Harvey.

He's gonna eat all those
and not let me have any.

-No.
-Yeah.

-I know him.
-You can put the crab in there, as it is.

-Do you let anybody else eat, David?
-Um...

There's been a couple episodes where
people share the food with everybody.

Which one is that?
We've only had one kind episode.

-It' not happening.
-Sebastian Maniscalco did the...

But everybody else has forgotten us.

I will say this.

Joel, you are...

Joel and Harvey, you guys are on track
to beat the caloric intake of Sebastian.

-[Chris] Yeah.
-Really?

[Dave] Who really didn't say much
that episode,

'cause he was busy really doing
a good job eating all the food.

I was so proud of him.

-[Chris] So is this...?
-A good sign.

Dave, are you making what would
colloquially be known as a spider roll?

-A crunchy...
-[Dave] Yeah, I don't know

why it's called spider roll
when it's a soft-shell crab roll.

-[Harvey] Spider roll.
-[Dave] Right?

[Joel] You ever eaten spider?

[Dave] I haven't. Have you?

[Harvey] Not on purpose.

[laughter]

[Chris] How many spiders do humans eat?

-Clean plate.
-[Dave] Hey! Clean Plate Club!

-[cheers and applause]
-Check it out.

Harvey, you got some work to do.

[Harvey] I was talking with you.

[Dave] No excuses here.
We don't have excuses here.

When I make a mistake, when I burn
something, I don't blame anybody.

[Harvey] That's true. My fault.

Let's see if I can slide it. No.

-Here. Mandy, don't let it go off.
-[Harvey] No. No.

Thank you. Mm!

-Okay.
-All right. We did it.

Chang, is the spider roll
your go-to sort of maki roll?

No, the only reason I'm cooking it
is it was in the freezer.

What are your go-to guilty-pleasure maki,
you're not eating fancy omakase sushi,

what's your roll of choice?

Um...

[Joel] Just edibles, right?

[laughter]

-It's like blowing up.
-Have you ever done this before?

Those crabs are alive.

You got to know that when you're working
in a professional kitchen,

and when it's spring, usually that's
when blue crabs are molting.

It is the bane of whoever's working
that station in the kitchen's existence,

because they're basically little grenades.

Because they're full of water,
and when you put water in fat,

it explodes, which is one of the reasons
why we kept it all the way over there.

[Joel] Very smart.

-But there's no cover for that.
-[Dave] There is.

[Harvey] The camera just got covered
in oil. Poof!

I was gonna say, poor Mandy's
just gonna get hit with a drive-by.

-[Dave] I'll mess that camera up.
-[Joel] Yeah.

By the way, David,
if you want me to cook the steak...

You should get going, man.

-[stammers] Yeah...
-You don't have to.

-You can give me instruction.
-[chanting] Do it. Do it. Do it.

[applause]

[Chris] Oh, that's one way to do it!

-Here we go!
-[Harvey] Just give me your hand.

-Fall into my arms.
-Careful with your head.

Why is this the only entrance?
It's so stupid.

They should really work on that.

-That's not good for everyone.
-Okay.

-That's not good for everyone.
-This is on, though, right? Okay, great.

-Where's that steak?
-Here it is.

[Harvey] My turn!

[laughter]

[Chris] Harvey!

-Harvey...
-You know what, you cook.

Yeah, you cook, it's fine.
I was gonna do it,

but I don't want to do it.

-Do you have ghee?
-Uh, we don't have ghee.

Come on, man. Do we have ghee?

-No?
-We got g*y.

[laughter]

-We have a ghee g*y?
-We got ghee g*y.

-Uh, I...
-[Dave] We might have ghee.

Or something with a little bit
of flavor in it.

[Chris] Joel, pretty sure
it's your show now.

[Harvey] Joel, is this really your wine?

[Dave] No ghee, no ghee, no ghee.

-This is from my winery.
-This wine's really good.

Uh, this is how I want the show to be.

-Okay, what is the name of the wine?
-I don't know.

So there's a wine shop just next to here,
which is outstanding.

-Okay.
-And I didn't have any specific request.

-I just said, "Knock me out."
-[Harvey] Oh.

-Yeah, so it's full of fentanyl.
-[laughter]

-It's a terrible play.
-Another Friday night.

We don't have ghee,
but we can use grapeseed oil.

Great.

Which is a higher burn point
than olive oil.

-You don't cook with olive oil, right?
-[Dave] I do cook with olive oil.

Even though it burns so...?
It changes the nature of it so fast?

[Chris laughs]

I don't think anyone really notices.

-Because people are idiots, right?
-I didn't say that.

-I didn't say that, but it may be true.
-[Harvey] Which oil do you prefer?

Um, honestly,
I think peanut oil is the best.

But with all the allergies...
My son has one now.

No restaurant... When I started cooking,
it was peanut oil everywhere.

-Now you never see it.
-[both] Yeah.

They closed down Peanut Oils on,
uh, Wilshire.

[Harvey] My favorite place.

So can I ask...?

-This is a lot of salt.
-No, but...

When did you become quite the meat master?

-[Harvey] Whoa. Whoa.
-[laughter]

-When'd you become the master of...?
-[Chris] I was years 13 old.

-We already talked about how we met.
-[Joel] Experimented in college a lot.

[Harvey] We're not going
down this road again.

[Chris] What's your meat method here?
What are we talking about?

-[Harvey] How do you handle your meat?
-What's the meat master's meat method?

The meat master's meat method
of handling his meat. Um...

Say meat one more time.

I just want to point... I just would like...
Can you get a shot of this?

-Let's see if this...
-[Chris] He has no pepper in his grinder.

I got sabotaged!

[Joel] Nice show.

[Chris] He's been faking it
the whole time.

-Just... I'm embarrassed for you.
-[Harvey laughs]

[Joel] Uh...

[Harvey] How long
have you guys known each other?

-A long time now.
-We met in...

-We met in Aspen.
-Yeah.

This is true. This is...
Let's not go there.

-[laughter]
-It's not like Dave Grohl was there.

Oh, that's right, Dave Grohl was there.

Oh, Lord.

Who has turned
into quite the barbecue man.

He's a barbecue dude. Um...

You know, ever since I've known Joel,

all Joel wants me to do is fix my back
by lifting weights like this.

-Yeah.
-It's true.

-Well, by doing deadlifts.
-Deadlifts.

But you just had back surgery
and it went well.

I just had back surgery. Yeah, still here.

I used to have
terrible lower-back problems, everybody.

Fixed it with deadlifts.

You had bone stuff going on, not...

But you have literally been telling me...

'Cause there was a gym
that we used to work out at.

-Yeah.
-This is not acceptable.

-Beatmaster Gym.
-Yeah.

Aspen, gym.

-[Chris] Good God, man.
-Good Lord.

Handling meats all over the world.

See, the thing is, the lower back is
neglected in North America.

Everyone goes, lift with your legs,
lift with your legs.

You've got to work these muscles.

You've got to work these.
You have to work them.

Because if all your other muscles
are strong

and you're just treating a set
of muscles like a jewelry store,

that's where all the injuries
are gonna go.

And this is the moment where the algorithm
sends everybody away from the show.

[Harvey] That is an infomercial
I just saw right now.

But if you would like to get in
on my workout subscription service,

-I don't have it.
-[laughter]

[Chris] So you can strengthen
your lower back muscles,

or you can just keep
all your muscles equally weak.

[Harvey] You saw how he jumped that,
like, you know, island.

He, like... Like nothing. I couldn't do it.

But, Joel, you work out a lot.
You work out quite a bit.

How often do you...?

Well, I haven't been able to
in five months because of the back.

Okay. Do you work out, Harvey?

-Uh, not unless I have to, yeah.
-All right, yeah.

Yeah, just for doing stunts and stuff,
just to keep that stamina,

-so when I'm doing stunts for the show.
-Chris, you don't work out.

-[laughter]
-[Harvey] Well, that's, uh...

-Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
-Excuse me.

[Chris] I use my mind, man.

[Chris] That's not true.

Chris works out at a gym here
down at the Row.

-I see it.
-[Chris] It's okay, Dave.

-[Joel] Okay.
-Obviously, it's not showing yet.

[Joel] Take your word for it.

Uh, Harvey, this is the final season
of your show?

Yeah, this is our sixth and final season.

Uh, yeah, can you believe it?

-Six seasons.
-Oh, you want the fire?

What's up, chef? What do you want it at?

How much time we got? This is fine.

Okay. But it's the end.

It's the end, which is fine.

I think, you know, we've had such great,

you know, fans and people who love
the show that, where do we go?

Like, after six seasons,
it's kind of the perfect time to, like,

exit and do other stuff,
but you never know what the future holds.

What are you gonna do next?

I got other stuff
that I'm working on, you know,

so I'm excited to just...
Also, I'm excited to be home,

'cause I haven't been home in L.A.,
I've been living in Toronto for six years.

-And to be home is kind of really nice.
-[Joel] You hate Canada?

[Harvey] I don't. I love Canada.

-You just said you hate Canada.
-[Harvey] No, I didn't say that.

-Uh...
-As a half Canadian...

[Harvey] Can I get a camera over here?

Someone else spends
a lot of time in Canada.

-What are your thoughts about...?
-[Chris stammers]

There it is.

[Chris] We need
to understand your process.

-People are wanting to know...
-[Dave] Here, chef.

-...the Joel McHale meat mastery.
-[Joel] Watch this.

-Oh, wait.
-Oh, no, no.

I don't want that. That's what I want.

-[Chris] Dave's like, don't put my sauce...
-I was like, "Oh, no."

-Okay.
-[Chris] All right,

so you're a press it,
press-the-steak master.

Yeah, I like press.

I've been doing this lately and I like it,
'cause it gets the whole...

uh, it gets...
The entire surface can have the...

-[Dave] Maillard reaction.
-Maillard, yeah,

whatever have that French scientists...

Maillard reaction is
a fancy way of saying...

Crust.

Getting the sugars caramelized
that are naturally inherent in the meat.

By also getting it nice and golden brown,
you're enhancing the glutamic acid,

which makes it more flavorful.

So that's why you want it nice
and golden brown whenever you hear that.

Instead of, say, like,
lightly roasted or something.

-You want it crunchy and brown.
-Yeah.

-And then it locks all that...
-That's not true.

It does not lock in anything.

-That's not true.
-Who am I listening to?

-It locks in all the chewy notes.
-Who am I listening to?

-All the caramel and nougat.
-So does it or doesn't it?

No, the whole idea of locking
in your juices is a fallacy, yes.

Searing in your meat
to lock in your juices,

that's what, you know,

people that are weekend-warrior chefs say.

-[Harvey] Oh...
-[Dave] Did I just say that out loud?

[laughing] I'm sorry.

Joel, what temp are we sh**ting for here
on the steak?

Uh, I think I do like 132.

[Chris] So medium rare?
You're looking for a medium rare?

Yeah, I'm not...

Medium's the hardest temperature
to achieve with steak

because it flips over so fast.

So I... [stammers]
I don't like it fully bloody.

But, uh... So like a medium, medium rare.

-I know that sounds weird.
-Okay.

-What do you think?
-I think you're correct.

Listen, I'm serious.
I've seen your meat cookery.

Your meat mastery.

And I think you are master
of your meat domain.

[Harvey] You are master of your meat.

Are we breaking the record
for mentions of meat?

[Harvey] Say meat one more time.

Mr. Chang, how about an update
from your cutting board over there?

I'm making spider rolls, so I've added...

This rice is... Where is this rice from?

Uh...

-Costco?
-Yamagata.

-Prefecture.
-[Harvey] What did you say?

And instead of adding rice wine vinegar,
which I did, and mirin, and sugar,

I add, uh...

And they usually add kombu,
and they make... I took a shortcut.

I just added some agave,

and, uh, a little salt,
and a little thing called MSG.

[Harvey] Ooh. Can I taste just the rice?

-Yeah. Get in there.
-What does that taste like?

-There you go.
-[Chris] Oh, man.

-Didn't wash his hands.
-[Chris] This man knows what's up.

-[Joel] Uh, David, can we talk about MSG?
-Please.

And about how it was
such a boogeyman in...

[Harvey] That's really good.

It was such a boogeyman
in the '60s, '70s and '80s.

-Correct.
-[Harvey] Wait, sorry, one time.

So all the ingredients
that were in that rice were what?

-Okay.
-First, it's really nice rice. Um...

That's very hot.

[Joel] Where's the tongs?

We don't cook with tongs.

-What?
-Yeah.

Ay, yi, yi, yi.

You don't cook with tongs?

What's wrong with tongs?

[Harvey] More importantly,
what did you put in the rice again?

We evolved from
our other mammal primate family to...

[Joel] Look at that sh*t! Yo!

f*ck! It's perfect!

-[Chris] Let's see it again.
-[Dave] Hold on, hold on.

[Chris] Can we look at this steak?

You're about to f*ck it up with the tongs.

[Joel] How do the tongs f*ck up...?

[Harvey] They're gonna f*ck it up.
What did you put in the rice again?

-[Chris] Where did you find that rice?
-Uh, MSG...

Yeah, I found... The...
You're gonna f*ck it up.

How is...? This is the bane? This is it?

[Chris] Tongs are not cool
in a professional kitchen.

[Harvey] Not cool. I told him too.

Joel, if you were playing you in The Bear

and your version of you was
watching you cook this right now?

-[Harvey] No, chef.
-Yeah.

-No, chef.
-Thank you for mentioning The Bear.

-No, chef.
-Season three coming up.

-[Harvey] All right.
-See what I did there?

Thank you for the promotion.

I just have like...
There's, like, oh, a tong...

Yeah, you're not a real chef
if you use a tong.

I didn't say that, you did.

-Yeah, you did.
-I didn't!

No, tongs are great.

I just... I'm still brainwashed
and I still like to use a spoon.

I use tongs a lot, but with meat cookery,
fish cooking, I choose not to.

Like... All right. [stammers]
'Cause every chef wears...

You know what it is like?

You're driving a race car in automatic.
A super car.

When you can drive it in stick shift
and using...

Well, in race cars,
we use a paddle on the wheel.

[Chris] Focus.
Focus on the task at hand here.

-I gotta make sure it's cooked.
-What is happening?

I gotta make sure it's well cooked.

[Chris] Very nice rice though,
Harvey, right?

So nice.
I still want to know all the ingredients.

[Chris] Can you finally answer
Harvey's question now

and reiterate the ingredients
in that rice, Dave?

-So... really nice rice.
-[Harvey] Really nice rice.

We got it from the rice factory
in Brooklyn.

They mail it to order from Japan.

And I cooked it. I washed it.
I... It's important to soak it.

We, uh... Then... There you go.

I added agave, rice wine vinegar,

um, MSG, salt.

-The rice factory.
-That's it.

-[Harvey] You just mix it in? Wow.
-That's it.

-Brooklyn, New York.
-[Harvey] Good rice makes

a whole difference if you're gonna enjoy,
like, sushi or, like, a roll.

You know, there was a food critic
of the paper record that once said

that the rice was not that,
he paraphrased,

wasn't that important in sushi,

and that's the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard in my life.

-[Harvey] That's not true. Yeah.
-[Dave] Sushi is rice.

You know,
and rice is underrated, I would say.

[Joel] All right, this...
Well, this steak might be...

We're close. This is going in the oven.

And I need a...

you know, like a glove
or a potholder thing.

Yeah, as a chef,
you don't want to have a potholder.

[Harvey] Sure you don't want
another one of these?

You don't want to have a oven mitt.

If you see an oven mitt on a chef,
they're basically a Judas.

-Yeah.
-[Chris] I mean, you're not wrong.

I'm gonna let this go.
I'm gonna let this cook for five minutes.

I'm looking at our timer,
'cause we're gonna run out of time here.

We are running out of time.
Oh, let me put this in your mouth.

-[Harvey] Again.
-It's okay!

"Let me put this in your mouth."

Did you think you'd hear
those words on this show?

[Harvey] Oh, man.

-I turned off just by accident.
-It's okay.

[Joel] Mmm. That is...

so good!

Here, why don't you just...

[Joel sighs]

That is so good.

Oh, my gosh.

[Chris] Do you want to finish this steak?
You want to release Joel back to his...?

No, I don't.

I don't want to take responsibility
for something that might be FUBAR'd.

-Harvey, what do you think? It's...
-[Harvey] Mmm.

-All right, I'm giving a hard time.
-You're not giving me a hard time.

No, Joel, I got to say,
I'm going to be honest.

I was not expecting you on live TV
to actually make a beautiful steak,

-and I'm wrong, I apologize.
-[Harvey] Aw. There you go.

[applause]

And I'm just overcompensating

because I'm so shocked
at how beautiful that steak was.

[Harvey] Aw.

Thank you. Oh, man.
I didn't think I was gonna get like this.

-It's really f*cking nice.
-You haven't eaten it yet, so...

-[Harvey] That's true.
-It could be.

Well, you know,
here's the thing is what I know.

Most people would have thought
that he put too much salt on.

So if you go back and you see,

I'm sure there was a close-up
of the salt being applied.

Most people were like,
"Whoa, that's too much."

Wrong. They're wrong.

-He was right.
-Really?

Again, I was too proud
to tell him he was doing it right,

'cause I did not want him
to do a good job.

But he's doing a great job.

You're okay to tell him
that he did do it right?

I feel like this is a trick
and I'm being tricked.

-He's leading me down...
-[Harvey] What does the salt do?

Coating the steak in salt,
what does it do when you're cooking it?

Um, it does create a crust,
'cause salt sucks all the water out,

and basically, with the cooking process,
it creates a crust,

and it gets nice and golden brown.

-I'm, like, learning so much.
-[Joel] Mmm.

-Like, so much.
-[Dave] And I prefer...

I'm gonna bring
this cutting board over there, all right?

[Harvey] Um, no, I don't know.

-Do you have a small cutting board?
-Yeah, you can use this.

-Here. No, no, no.
-I don't want to get in your way.

-It's gonna be all dripping all over.
-I know. It's fine, chef.

I'm good. Here.

Would you also agree that
these Boos blocks are the best in the biz?

-Um...
-Nope. All right.

[laughter]

I do like them.

That soft-shell crab...

-Here you go.
-[Harvey] Just so good.

It's still, like, piping hot too,
which is so nice.

-Hey, not bad.
-You have to try this.

You guys should really try it.
You guys should really try it.

Just get a bite. No?

-[Chris] So rude.
-I've never made this recipe before.

Um...

Because, mainly,
who has soft-shell crabs at home?

-Nobody.
-[Harvey] They should try it.

Can they try some?

-[Chris] Who are they specifically?
-Everyone should try some.

-[Chris] Hand them out.
-[Dave] You are winning people over!

[Harvey] Want a bite?
Want a bite over here?

Come on.

[Joel] Harvey, don't give them anything.

-Come on.
-[Chris] "Don't give them anything."

-[Joel] Don't feed them.
-It's freshly made.

It's freshly made. Come on.
Try a bite. Come on.

-[Dave] Wow.
-Try a bite?

I hope every guest that's watching,

future guests, is realizing
how to win over the audience.

[Harvey] We'll be right back.

Everyone try it, you know?

-Plenty to go around.
-[Chris] My God.

-Can you bag this up for me?
-Yeah, bag it up. I'm not going back.

Just bag it up. I'll take it home. Yeah.

[muffled] Chris, you want to try it?

[Chris] I do want to try it.

[Harvey] Try it. Oh, can you...? Oh! Whoa.

Was I supposed to catch that in my mouth?

-Was I supposed to catch that in my mouth?
-[Joel] Give some to Mandy.

Only people on camera. That's...

[Chris] Oh, it's very hot.

-[Mandy] Thank you.
-It's so good.

It's so good.

-I'm running out of time.
-Delicious.

-[Chris] Pretty delightful, Chang.
-[Harvey] You got it.

-What is this?
-[Harvey] That looks amazing.

-That's to wipe your hands.
-Wait.

So, Joel, why did you put it in the oven
and did you put it...? Oh.

-Joel, that's a towel.
-[laughter]

That is, uh...

-Nope.
-Don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that.
Please don't do that.

We have eight...
We have 19 minutes to get through,

like, 12 more dishes, so...

[Harvey] Why did you put it in the oven?
I want to know that.

Uh, so it could cook through the inside
and not be too raw on the inside.

[Harvey] So just the heat itself...

But I flatten the steak so much that I'm
like, oh, it's probably already there.

All right, second round.

-Where are you going?
-We got to give some to them.

-Wait! Thank you.
-To share.

Sorry. We got to share.
Share, share, share.

I said I'd be back, and I'm back.

-[Joel] Harvey!
-Yeah, I'm busy.

-[Joel] What about these guys?
-I'm busy, okay?

-We got to share.
-[man 1] Thank you.

-[man 2] Thank you.
-[Dave] All right. I got to...

Share, share. Tell us what you think.

[Dave] I got to cook other stuff.

-Tell us what you think and be honest.
-[Joel] Are these sharp?

-Harvey!
-Yeah.

-[Joel] You're just ignoring those guys?
-Guys.

Come on. You got to try it.

[Chris] Oh, good God.

And we'll be right back, all right?

-Okay.
-[Joel] All right.

I'm gonna cut this up.

[cheers and applause]

-What am I doing?
-[Chris] All right, hold on.

It's moment of truth for Joel now, right?

No, we're getting there,
but I got to do one other thing.

[Harvey] They loved it. Everyone loved it.

Whoa, whoa! Look at this pro move!

-[Harvey] Whoa.
-Watch this. Well...

This might be stupid.

-[Chris] What is he about to do?
-[Dave] What are you doing?

-I'm gonna cook an egg in it.
-[Chris] Oh, Lord.

-[Harvey] In the juices?
-[Joel] Yeah.

[Chris] Wow.

What a show-off this guy is.

-You asked me to do it!
-Who invited him, anyway?

[Joel] You asked me if I would do it!

[Dave] g*dd*mn it.

[Joel] Okay, I'm just gonna
let those cook in its oil.

Here.

Great.

[Dave] You know
what is an underrated combination?

-Steak and eggs.
-Steak and eggs.

Classic.

Okay, here we go.

-[Chris] Here it comes.
-[Joel] Yay.

I'm sure I'm not cutting it right
for the f*cking...

[Dave] I'm not judging you.

-But all of America is.
-[Harvey] All of America, yeah.

Okay, it's maybe a little overdone.

It's a little over.
But not bad for an actor-comedian.

-Oh!
-[Harvey] Slash.

[Joel] I should've pulled it out earlier.
There's people going, "That idiot."

But some people do like
their steaks like this.

Now... take it out.

Harvey.

-Crew, get up here.
-[Harvey] That is delicious.

[applause]

Get up here, crew, please.

That is... That's, well done, you, yeah.

-Well done?
-Yeah.

[Joel speaks indistinctly]

[Chris] That was a subtle dig there,
I feel like.

Come on up, guys.

I actually grew up, like,
eating skirts of carne asada,

-which is always thin and well done.
-[Chris] Always well done.

So this is really kind of close
to that flavor of a nice, you know.

-[Chris] Cheng?
-I think Joel's trying to take my job.

[Harvey] It's delicious.

-I know.
-I'll take it.

I mean, yeah, I'll take your money, but...

[Harvey laughs]

Where...? Oh, the salt's here.

Now, Harvey, I'm gonna make you try this.

[Harvey] Okay.

[Dave] All right, so what I'm doing
while Joel is making...

Ooh. [grunts]

-I'm kidding.
-Something...

[Harvey] Run!

Something dangerous.

Good Lord, man.

[Joel] I blame the eggs.

Oh, I know what I'm gonna do.

-[Harvey] Not in water.
-Watch this.

-Here. Oh, sorry.
-[Chris] Oh, good gracious.

I'll cook the eggs a little bit more
with a little oil on top

to get that yolk a little.

Okay.

-Maybe I'll put...? Can I have that plate?
-Yeah, that's yours. I got it for you.

-[Joel] Okay.
-[Harvey] Steak and eggs.

[Dave] Um...

-[Joel] Yes? Oh.
-I'm trying to explain the next dish.

So because Harvey really...
When I found out a couple hours ago

-that you like Boiling Crab...
-[Harvey] Yeah.

-Uh, we saw...
-Joel.

-No.
-Oh.

We saw that we had some shrimp, um,
and some of these other ingredients.

And I wanted... And then Joel said
he wanted things different and weird.

-Mm-hmm.
-Different.

So I decided to make this a little bit
more Szechuan, a little bit more,

uh, like one of my favorite things
to eat in China.

-Is Spam?
-Yes, Spam.

Spam's amazing.

But, also, Szechuan flavored,
like crawfish and shellfish.

What is the Chinese term for that?

Uh, there's a dish called,
like, Shui Zhu...

Uh, you use...
It translates to "water-cooked fish."

It's actually, like, a super pungent,
aromatic dish of fish or meat

that's cooked, and then spicy,
Szechuan peppercorn oil on top.

-[Harvey] Mmm.
-So what I did was...

[Joel] All right, crew.
This is the crew meal.

Hold on.

I took some of the...

-[Harvey] This is the crew meal.
-Hand that out. Hand that out.

[Chris] I think Joel just is filming
a separate show on the same studio

-at the same time as our show.
-I got two chefs at the same time.

-[Chris] Double-booked the studio today.
-Get it in the yolk there.

That's...

Yeah, yeah. Look at that.

-That is...
-[Harvey] Oh, nice. Oh, oh, oh!

-That's hot.
-How was that?

-That's pretty good.
-All right, Harvey...

-Just... Get...
-[Harvey] Yeah.

-[Dave] Um...
-This is not well organized, but...

Well, I'll get...

Our director's like, "What is going on?"

Get it in there. All right.
I'll come back over the other side.

[Harvey] All right. Egg.

I'm just excited to see Harvey's reaction.

It's really good. Joel.

-[Harvey] Ready?
-Lynn, how is it?

[Lynn] Amazing.

Making eggs.

That's really good.

All right. See?

I'll stop, David. All right.

Those are yours, if you want them.

Okay, now, David, I interrupted
your entire explanation.

Yeah, it's okay.

How much does
the Internet hate me right now?

The Internet is posting memes of you
and loving you,

but they want to know
what your rabbit's name is.

Junior Joey.

[Chris] Junior Joey.
There you go, Internet.

Yeah.

Uh, that was named by my,
at the time, my 7-year-old.

He is now 16.

-Thank you for having me!
-[Chris laughs]

-[Dave] Thank you, Joel.
-[scattered applause]

I mean...

-Okay.
-Look at this mess.

-My goodness.
-It's so good.

[Chris] All right, Dave.
You're getting cleaned up, reorganized.

[Harvey] Really good too.

Taking a little peek, but you were saying

you're making an homage
to Boiling Crab and Szechuan food.

-[Dave] Yes.
-What's in the base?

[Dave] We took some...

We found some frozen sablefish,
aka black cod.

You might have...

be familiar with that if you have
the miso black cod at Nobu Matsuhisa.

-[Harvey] Yeah.
-[Joel] It's the greatest...

-One of the greatest fish dishes.
-One of the greatest fish dishes.

We had some defrosted shrimp
with shell on,

so I took some butter, I took the shells,

and I roasted those off
with some garlic confit,

added some Szechuan peppercorns here,
um, added some árbol chiles,

and added dashi.

We had some frozen dashi.
We're literally taking leftovers here.

And I made a sauce,
and then I blended it, and I passed it.

So almost taking some French concepts
and made this sauce

that tastes a little bit
like Boiling Crab, a little bit like...

-[Chris] Shui Zhu Yu.
-That's it.

[man laughs in background]

And, uh, Spam.

-[Joel] Was that a joke?
-No.

He just... You...

Whatever he just said,
somebody thought it was hilarious.

Somebody thinks that my pronunciation
in Chinese is hilarious.

[Dave] That would be Chris Chan,
everybody.

[laughter]

What's that pepper, the Szechuan
peppercorns that make your mouth go numb?

-Yeah, Szechuan pepper makes it numbing.
-[Harvey] Ever eat those by themselves?

-You can.
-They're great.

It's so tangy and wonderful.

I'm not kidding.
Here, have it with a piece of steak.

[Dave] I think you're... He's... No, don't.

I just ate it. I love this stuff.

The peppercorn, not the actual pepper.

Oh, I like... No, this is the one
that makes your mouth go numb.

-That's the one?
-Yeah.

-Wait, what?
-[Dave] Yes, it's called mala.

Yeah. The taste is spectacular.

-I'm not kidding. I'm not joking.
-[Chris] Harvey, get in there.

-All right.
-[Joel] It's not...

It's not like you're going to the dentist
or something.

-Should I put it on the meat?
-Put it on the meat and see...

-And dip it in the...Yeah.
-[Chris] Okay.

Again, different show happening here.
What's happening with your show, Dave?

[laughter]

[Joel] You probably won't even
get the taste of it.

Oh, Lord. Um...

-[Harvey] If you make me go numb...
-I'll eat them right here.

If you make me lose
my taste buds after this...

You won't. That's not how... It's not...

-You won't lose your taste buds.
-That's not how it works.

But I will say
it changes your ability to eat spice,

and then you can taste
different levels of flavor of spice.

-That sounds crazy...
-[Chris] Yeah.

So, mala is, like, this balance
of that numbing with, like, heat.

So, really, once you eat that,
you can sort of eat more spicy stuff.

-[Harvey] Ah.
-It's this constant give and take.

Are you sure? Okay, fine.

[Dave] I took some fingerling potatoes,
and I just microwaved them.

[Chris] Harvey, is that your first go with
the Szechuan? What are you feeling?

Walk us through
what you're feeling right now.

I mean, I'm tasting the meat and the salt
and its juices.

-So the meat and its juices in my mouth.
-Yeah. Okay.

A little bit of diesel fuel?

-And maybe a ball bearing?
-Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

-There's a little bit of a heat sensation.
-It's tangy.

It's tangy.

But it's not... It's not like a...
It's not like novocaine or something.

No, but it is, it feels like it's like a,
like a, like a cleanse of, uh...

-I don't know.
-Citrus, almost.

[stammers]

Meat in my mouth.

-Hi, welcome to Meat in my Mouth.
-[Dave] We did it, guys.

High fives. We did it.

Whether it's been live or not live,

we did a record of saying "meat"
in under an hour.

-Who had the other record?
-[Harvey] That was good. I like that.

That was good.

[Chris] It's like licking a battery.

[Harvey] It's, uh... Yeah.

-But tangy?
-[Chris] In a good way.

[Dave] So, in some ways, I'm making
almost like a dry hot pot. Um...

I've added turkey bacon.

We invited you guys, to be honest,
to clean out the refrigerator.

And thank you guys
for being our guinea pigs.

-It's working.
-It's working, yeah.

Thanks. Thank you.

You're welcome. It's been a delicious
clean-out-the-refrigerator episode, right?

[Joel] Yeah, there's some jelly that's
been in there for about eight years.

-[Dave] You saw it.
-Uh...

-Now, Anthony Bourdain.
-Yes.

Name-drop.
His opinion of Spam became very famous.

I believe it was him, or it was
Andrew Zimmern, who was like...

Zimmern's from Minnesota,
so he's definitely pro,

'cause it's made in Minnesota.

Tony, probably, if this was trivia,
was anti-Spam, I don't recall.

[Joel] He's anti-Spam.

You know, listen, I love Tony to death,
my older brother, in a lot of ways,

but you don't always have to agree
with your older brother.

-[Harvey] Mmm.
-And he was wrong.

-[Harvey] Fight, fight, fight.
-He was wrong. Tony was wrong.

Not everyone understands
that Spam is one of the...

First of all, Korea would not be here
today as a country if we didn't have Spam.

-[Joel] You know how it got there?
-Yeah.

-Oh, all right. Well, then, never mind.
-You explain.

Uh, during the moon landing...

they discovered, uh...

-[Chris] This is good.
-No, no. Uh...

-It, uh, was brought over by GIs.
-[Dave] Yeah.

It was Army rations.

[Chris] When they were filming
the moon landing.

[Joel] And it became a part of the diet.
I mean, it, uh...

And same thing in Hawaii, obviously.

Uh, and I get... Who wants some more meat?

-Crew? Randy. You look... Mandy.
-[Harvey speaking indistinctly]

-The dish. All right.
-[Joel] Here, you...

Usually, this has, like...
Boiling Crab has corn in the...

Corn cobs in the...

-[Harvey] That's right.
-A boil.

So I just added some frozen corn kernels.

[Harvey] I do like Spam.

I like when you go to Hawaii,
there's Spam in every 7-Eleven.

There's like Spam rolls,
like musubi or like, you know.

-[Dave] Spam musubi is so good.
-It's so good.

-[Joel] One more bite.
-[Chris] What else is going on?

If I can get this done,
with everything that's happening today...

Outrageous.

You've got six minutes and 50 seconds,

or maybe Ted Sarandos can let
the show go a little longer.

[laughter]

[Harvey] So good.

[Chris] There's at least three or four
cured meats in there at this point.

Spam, there's lap cheong in there.

[Joel] You better start
cutting up that pie.

-And here's some...
-[Harvey] Here's some extra ones.

-Oh, hot.
-[Chris] They're up and gone again.

-Oh, Lord.
-[Harvey] All right.

-Here we go.
-[Joel] Oh, you guys got nothing.

[Chris] Why don't you just go outside
and see if anybody's walking around?

[laughter]

Come on, man!

I love Crispy Uncle Pizza. It's amazing.

[Chris] You took away the fourth wall
and the other walls.

Get in there, guys.

They got to try it over here.
They didn't get any over here.

Oh, that's great. Oh, my God.

-You guys have to try it over here.
-Get a piece of meat in there.

[Chris] None of these guys have signed
appearance waivers.

-What are you doing?
-[Harvey] You got a fork over here?

-You got a fork over here?
-[Joel] They'll be fine.

Over here, over here. It's delicious.
You got to try the egg.

-Oh, thank you.
-Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-[Harvey] A Joel original. Good one.
-[Joel] Oh... All right.

Look at that.
He's manning the remote and...

You got to go live on three.

-Let's go to three.
-Cut to it.

[Chris] How you doing?

[Joel] Guys, you're gonna have
to use your fingers.

[Harvey] No, I got a spoon over here.

Yeah. Does someone need a spoon?

Who wants a spoon?

[Chris] Jesus Christ, man.

These guys are just crowd-surfing
in the studio.

[man] Thank you.

[Dave] Don't pay attention to me.
I'm just cooking here.

This is actually good.

[laughter]

There's not much left, get in there.

I don't eat meat.

-[Chris] My God. Um...
-[Harvey] All right. All right.

Oh, wow. That looks, that's a boil.

-I told you it would get there.
-[Harvey] Whoa!

-[Joel] Do it.
-[Harvey] So there's Spam and sausages?

-[Dave] There's lap cheong.
-[Chris] Joel, you're missing the dish.

You're missing the dish over here.

[Joel] Watch this. Okay.

Where's that pie? I want to try the pie.

Look at this boil.

-That's beautiful.
-[Harvey] That's amazing.

-[Joel] That is...
-It's got, uh, Spam, turkey bacon.

Why? I don't know.
'Cause it was in the fridge.

Uh, lap cheong,
which is a Chinese sausage.

Um, what else is in there?

-Fried tofu, shrimp.
-[Joel] Noodles.

-Some vermicelli.
-[Chris] Black cod.

And black cod.

-[Joel] Harvey.
-Potatoes.

[Joel] All right.

[Harvey] Oh, yeah.

This is exciting.

We got four minutes
to eat this whole thing.

All right, we got to do it.
Got some shrimps and potatoes.

[Chris] As they dig in here, Dave, I think

that you should talk about
the making of this pie.

So for those
that have been watching this series,

you may have noticed a pattern

that I absolutely refuse
to follow a recipe.

We have not followed
one recipe on anything

we've ever made on this...
This Dinner Time Live.

[Joel] Yeah, that's why you poisoned
all those people.

[Dave] That's right.

Which is also one of the reasons why
our baked goods are always looking

sometimes not so nice,
'cause you should never

cook it off the cuff, but I'm stubborn.

Well, you're one of the most famous,
best chefs on the planet.

[Dave] But nobody would ask me
to bake stuff.

I like how he was criticizing
his pie design, and it's perfect.

That's good.

[Chris] My favorite part about this pie
is the secret ingredient though.

-[Joel] Cocaine?
-[Chris] Chockablock full of cocaine.

[Dave] Today craft service made lunch
and there was... What was shout-out to who?

Uh, Boyz in the Kitchen.

-Boyz in the Kitchen.
-Provides our craft services.

-[Harvey] Boyz in the Kitchen?
-[Chris] Yep with a Z.

And, uh, they had
a beautiful strawberry shortcake,

and I told myself,
why don't I just serve that?

Not as a joke because I didn't know
my pie was gonna turn out all right.

I had some nectarines, I had some plums,
'cause in L.A., in Southern California,

it's becoming stone-fruit season.

Anyway, I just added some cornstarch,
lemon juice, sugar,

put that into a sablée crust.

And, uh,
I did not bake enough fruit filling,

so I took the strawberry shortcake
from craft services,

and I put it on top as a filler.

-You did recycle everything.
-I did.

You didn't listen to any of our ideas
for the pre-interview.

[Dave] No.

We listed all these dishes, and you're
like, "Great, clean out the fridge."

[laughter]

Great. Dad's home from work late.

-What do you guys want?
-[Chris] In Dave's defense...

I'm gonna wait for a month,
clean out the fridge.

In Dave's defense,
your request specifically, Joel,

was hare cooked in its own blood,
fish sperm, beef lung, and crab guts.

That was true. Yes.

And the balut. The, uh...

Lièvre à la royale. That's what he wanted.

Classic, classic French dish. Uh...

[Harvey] I never would have thought about
the sausage in a boil, and it's so good.

-You have to put sausage in a boil.
-No, you just add andouille sauce, right?

But this is so good. It's just different.

Now, what is Cocowhip?

Uh, 'cause I didn't make whipped cream
or ice cream, and this is all we have.

-[Joel] Do you have any ice cream?
-No.

You can eat that. It's okay for your diet.

Well, it's just ice cream is nice
with pie.

[Dave] All right. Just try...
Can you try the pie for me?

[Joel] How much time?

-Should we wait for one minute to have it?
-[Harvey] Yeah.

-Or do ten seconds with the...?
-All right.

I'm gonna get in here
and taste it then, if you guys won't.

[Joel] Mmm. And?

Hey.

[Chris] Turn out?

For completely eye-measuring
this whole thing

and just loosely throwing it all together,

shout-out to Boyz in the...

[Chris] Boyz in the Kitchen.

-[Harvey] Boyz n the Hood.
-Thanks for the...

[laughter]

Shout-out to...

Shout-out to Boyz n the Hood.
Shout-out to the boys in the hood.

-One minute.
-One minute. Let's try it.

-Ready? One minute.
-One minute.

Look at... Look at the crew
congratulating themselves.

We did it. We nailed our jobs again.

[Dave] Goodbye, everybody.
Thank you, Harvey.

-Thank you, Joel. I know.
-[Joel] There's credits and stuff.

[cheers and applause]

[theme music playing]