01x19 - David's New York Diner Menu

[bunniefuu]

All right, pre-service meeting.

We got two amazing guests,
Tony Hale, Sam Richardson.

Been in many shows and movies,

but especially Veep,
where they both starred together.

Very excited to have them.

They have spent a lot of time
or lived in New York City.

I wanna do a East Coast diner-themed menu,

and I think
it's gonna be fun and delicious.

I talked to them.
They seem like real legit eaters.

Tony, uh, lived in New York.

Sam's a Detroit guy,
but he's spent time in diners.

So I was gonna do
a gravy fries or disco fries,

but now I'm gonna make chili cheese fries

as an ode to Coney Island and Detroit.

We're gonna do matzo ball soup,
we're gonna do a patty melt, egg cream,

um, and this thing that
I'm gonna call the moo shu Denver.

You gotta stay tuned to find out
how crazy the story is gonna be.

-This one's amazing.
-Let's have a good service.

[theme music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

-[all cheering]
-Welcome to Dinner Time Live.

Joined with Tony and Sam.
Really excited to have you guys.

Everyone here is a super big fan.

Chris Ying's gonna help me
figure this whole hour out.

-[Sam] Don't disappoint.
-[Tony] So excited.

We're doing a New York City,
New Jersey, East Coast diner thing.

Theme. Both of you guys spent time...

-This is a lot fancier than a diner.
-[laughter]

[Dave] Um, you know,
a loose interpretation.

And, uh, I got some...

You are starting off on matzo ball soup.

I think, one of the best chicken soups
you can possibly have.

-A little bit of dill flavor.
-[Tony] Ooh, yeah.

It's also in a very fancy, like, teacup.

It's also
our only two fancy bowls we have.

[Sam] I put my mouth on it already.

This is my second one

'cause I knocked
the other one out so fast.

Um... And I just...

It's the only time I like dill in a dish.

It's the only time.

This, to me, is one of the dishes
I fell in love with.

When I lived in New York City,
I just ate matzo ball soup.

My first restaurant was a block away
from 2nd Ave Deli.

I'd get it all the time.

Is dill a typical ingredient
in matzo ball soup?

Uh, I don't know if it's typical,

but I find that those are
the matzo ball flavors I like the most.

[Chris] Everybody else is curious
about what's going on in the wok.

-Is that bacon?
-Yeah, I forgot how hot I had that pan.

I just did this show
with Ryan Hansen on YouTube

where I cooked
and talked at the same time.

-Brag.
-Yeah.

I'm gonna drop a lot of names today.

Uh, but it was so hard. It was so hard
to talk and cook at the same time.

-Thank you. Yeah, right?
-[Sam] Yeah.

[Tony] To the point
where I don't recommend it.

I don't know why you guys are doing this.

Guys, let's, uh...

-Let's just cut.
-Let's just sit.

Um...

-I have...
-Is that Spam?

No. We have Spam.

We have the holy trinity
of breakfast meats.

[Tony] Great. I'm from the South, man.

-That's fillet mignon to me.
-[Dave] Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage.

Any sage-flavored
breakfast sausage will do. And Spam.

[Tony] Great.

[Chris] You have all the shapes too.
You got a log, a square.

[Tony] What is this dish called?

Well, it's a nice transition
from, uh, matzo ball soup

to go into something totally insane
that we're calling moo shu Denver.

-[Tony] Mm-hmm.
-Uh...

I don't even know how we got here.

I don't know
why I even thought about a diner

'cause I never order a Denver omelet.

-Do you guys order that?
-[Tony] I don't know what that is.

I'm a big egg person.

-Let's get into it.
-Yeah.

-I was born from an egg.
-Oh, my God.

I grew into a full man.

I've known you for so long.

-You didn't see me when I was born.
-Right.

But anytime there's, like,
an egg sort of anything on a menu,

I'm looking at it.

I visit a lot of French restaurants
so I'll do the omelet.

Do you know Jason Mantzoukas,
I think, is allergic to eggs?

-Is he really?
-He's famously allergic to eggs.

-I think...
-[Sam] Whoa.

-[Dave] I know that.
-Yeah.

This is a PSA for no one
to serve Jason Mantzoukas eggs.

-I think that's how you say his name.
-Mantzoukas. That's right.

Um, wait, so first of all, I wanna say,

I'm excited that there's a drawer
for utensils at the bar.

I've never seen that before, and...

We're doing a bit of a renovation,

and I think this is a great idea
for a bar in a kitchen.

-[Sam] Yeah.
-[Tony] So thank you.

I think that's the favorite thing
for everybody on this show.

[Chris] It's really our way of saying,
"Get your own damn fork."

-[Sam] Yeah, clearly.
-"We don't wanna do it for you."

Don't want your grubby hands all over.

I don't like that angle, but okay.

That's the immediate angle I saw.

[Chris] But the moo shu Denver,

Dave started messing with this menu,
figuring out what he wanted to do,

the first thing you said to me...

[Dave] How did we get here?

You said, "We're gonna do a patty melt,
do classics, matzo ball soup,

then we're gonna show them
how to eat breakfast correctly,"

which to Dave means
wrapping things up in something else.

-This is his favorite way to eat.
-[Dave] Correct.

I don't know why, but moo shu pork,
if you're not familiar,

it's like a Mandarin pancake
with cabbage and pork

and wood ear mushrooms and hoisin sauce,
and I don't just do that.

I add, like, noodles and rice
and everything.

I basically make
a little burrito out of it.

I don't know why or how,

but Denver omelet led
to wrapping everything into a pancake.

Do you use Spam often?

-Like, is it a...?
-Yeah. I mean, I love Spam.

There was a while where I was embarrassed
about my love of Spam.

No shame. No shame.

But I really think
Korea would not be around

if we did not have Spam.

But, um, I think
it's just a delicious meat.

-[Tony] What is it?
-[Sam] I was gonna say.

-I mean, it's corned beef, right?
-[Dave] No.

Okay, well, then,
that's one strike for me.

I don't know. Is it ham? Is it ham?

Put some respect on its name.
You can't say it's corned beef.

-[Tony] It's not an elegant name.
-It's an entire pig put into a can.

Stick a pig into a machine,
and out pops this little...

-One pig per can.
-Exactly. One pig per can.

Like a big Acme machine
that goes in a factory.

-That's dark.
-I knew that. I was joking.

I'm doing a rendition of a Denver omelet,

and I've never ordered a Denver omelet.

All I know is there's bell peppers in it.
Some green stuff.

-[Chris] Ham.
-Ham.

-[Chris] Cheese.
-Mushrooms.

-Basically everything. Cheese.
-[Tony] Yeah, yeah.

[Chris] So he started messing with this

and saying, we're gonna wrap this up

'cause if you eat at McDonald's,
you get a Big Breakfast,

you wrap the pancake around the sausage.
Everybody does that.

Of course, of course.

But he wanted to put
the whole kitchen sink in a pot

with eggs and hash browns and everything,
and then wrap it up,

then started calling it moo shu Denver.

Thinking that was gonna be
a horrible joke,

but we found out
that there is a connection.

[Chris] This is crazy.

This is a discovery today.
We're a part of a big discovery.

[Chris] Legitimately so.

So David started asking:

"Why is it called the Denver omelet?"

How did Denver, of all cities,
get its own omelet, right?

-You ever wonder?
-I really do, every day.

-Weird. You've asked me that.
-Yeah, and he didn't have the answer.

-Of all the cities in America, why Denver?
-Yeah.

[Tony] Poor Denver's like, "Hey."

Nothing against Denver.
I love Denver. Mile High City. It's great.

[Chris] But they don't deserve
their own omelet.

[Sam] Not on the top of the list
of omelet-deserving towns.

But we started looking into this,
and it turns out the Denver omelet

is actually a direct descendant
of egg foo young.

-[Dave] You know what egg foo young is?
-[Sam] I do.

-It's roast beef, right? Corned beef?
-[laughter]

Oh, Sam.

Sam, I don't want this to happen again.

[Sam] What, am I wrong this time too?

We're gonna say you're right.

-[Chris] You can be right this time.
-[Dave] You nailed it.

[Chris] But egg foo young was
this fluffy omelet

that Chinese laborers
working on the railroads,

during the silver rush of the late 1800s
or whatever, would make this omelet.

And they didn't wrap it
in a pancake like Dave,

but they ate it as this sandwich.

So this thing that he worked his way
all the way to 150 years later

that we were very proud of and thought,
"Dave has created a brand-new thing,"

as usual...

But you guys are the first people
to ever get, I think, a moo shu Denver.

-I'm very excited.
-[Sam] Honored.

So can you break it down, um,
like a normal cooking show?

-[laughter]
-Um...

-Very strange we're not...
-[Sam] Taking so long on the process.

We're not going by protocol here.

Um, what is...? What is in that?

'Cause I'd like to make it too, maybe.

When we made this,
I thought it was gonna be horrible.

When we tasted it, it was like,
"We're definitely serving this." Um...

So I make a batter
that's really almost like a crepe batter,

but most crepe batters don't have
baking powder or baking soda,

the leavening agents
that give a lot of cakes, uh, the rise.

So I basically just did flour,
a little baking powder,

a little baking soda,
milk, and a couple eggs.

And on this show,
we don't take any measurements.

So I have no idea how much I put in, but...

uh...

this is basically what I'm making.

-I made some already.
-[Tony] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-'Cause we'd be here all day if we...
-Ooh.

-Thin pancakes.
-Yeah.

[Tony] Um, so I have a question.

So when you don't do measurements,
'cause I've heard people say that before,

it's also because you have
a natural gifting.

You know how to cook.

Exactly. There's the basic
"you know how to cook."

If I did, I mean, that would not be
a pretty equation, right?

Um...

Sam's here. You've done a lot of improv.

-I have, as a matter of fact.
-[Dave laughs]

Give me a suggestion. Anything at all.

I really think that this has gotta be
some version of cooking improv, where...

I have friends that have done improv,
and I think people that watch it think:

"Oh, they just rolled out of bed
and this is what they did."

People don't understand
there's a lot of practice.

And a lot of time learning the rules
and the structure,

and then once you have that down,
you can break the structure down,

and whatever happens, you know
how to fill it in within that space.

-Does that answer your question?
-It does. It does.

Sometimes you go
without measurements, Dave,

'cause you're almost trying
to make mistakes.

I strongly believe
that everything that's ever been made

that's delicious in the world ever
has been made because someone screwed up

or someone that was lazy.

-[Tony] That's cool.
-[Sam] Mm-hmm.

[Dave] They're like, "How'd I do that?"

-[Sam] True.
-As actors, do you ever find...?

Whatever, 35th take turns out,
like something different completely,

and that turns out to be the right thing?

Just out of exhaustion,
you cry and that's the best take.

And they're like,
"Perfect. New direction."

Or the first time was the right way.

And then you spent 34 takes
kind of wasting everybody's time.

But that's rare.

Yeah, that is true.

I think... But like true...

Like out of the mistakes are like
where you find new life and excitement.

'Cause once something goes off the rails,
everybody's like:

"Oh, what's that?"
Like a bunch of cats, you know?

-We did that a lot on Veep.
-We did.

We would have
kind of these rehearsals for scenes.

Julia would always be like,
"It needs to get messier."

So we would throw out ideas
and see what happened.

-They seemed to like it.
-Yeah.

It's harder than it looks?

It is harder than it looks.
It's a lot of insecurity.

A lot of insecurity... No, but it was...

If you're working with people
that you have a good time with,

that makes a difference.

Having a good time with trust.

Everybody on that show was also
just such a master.

-Yeah.
-You know, if anything...

-Exhibit A.
-I mean, but really.

-Thank you. Thank you.
-Really.

-It came back to me, if I'm...?
-[laughs]

A master.

We all really liked each other

'cause we were in Baltimore
for four years, I think,

before moving the show to L.A.

We were all away from our families.

-And so to get along was a huge gift.
-Yeah.

-[Tony] Doesn't always happen that way.
-[Sam] No.

I came in on the third season,
so they had been together for two years.

I came in to the show
and everybody was such like a warm family.

I was like, "Oh, this is such
an exciting thing to come and join."

-Totally.
-Uh...

-It makes a difference.
-It does.

[Chris] You said something sweet
before the show.

Tony took you out for a meal
to make sure you were all right.

When I first started,
Tony would invite me out to lunch.

-Oh, yeah.
-Be like, "Hey, how are you coping?

-How's this? How's...?" You know?
-I forgot about that.

He's always very sweet.
It's been so important to me and so sweet.

-I, uh...
-I think...

Is that always the case
when you're joining a cast?

No, it ain't.

-No, it ain't.
-I think that's 'cause that did not...

I kind of needed that when I started out.

And so I think it was a tough time.
But it is fun to... I get...

Maybe it's 'cause I'm an anxious person.
I get the anxiety.

It's like where you walk
in the middle school cafeteria.

-Like, "Who's gonna sit with me?"
-[Sam] Exactly. Your fly is down.

-[Tony] Yeah.
-But then, if it's a cool movie,

the fly down becomes a new style.

-Oh, my gosh, so true.
-You know what I mean?

-[Sam] If you're confident.
-True. Everybody's fly's down.

-Exactly.
-"This is Sam."

[Chris] Uh, speaking of new style,
what's happening in that other pan?

Uh, I added three eggs
to the bell pepper, onions.

The holy trinity of breakfast meats. Um...

And I dropped some...

-tater tots.
-[Tony] Dude, you got your own fryer?

-Hey, man. Upscale.
-[Chris] Made it.

[Dave] Not yet. Not yet. No. Um...

Mainly because my whole goal
was when I plate this,

I want it to look like it's mu shoo pork.

What I did add, that's definitely not in
a traditional Denver omelet, is cabbage.

Which is in mu shoo pork.

[Tony] So what...?
Sorry to keep asking these questions.

So, what is in there?
It's onion. Bell pepper...

-Um... Spam.
-[Dave] Spam. Uh...

-The corned beef and pork...
-[Chris] Bacon, sausage,

peppers, chili peppers.

I think there's some cheese.
Some tater tots.

-Correct.
-And the sauce...

Tater tots?
Now we're getting to my people, the South.

This is good. This is good.

And what's this?

This is a plum jam that I'm trying
to recreate that flavor that you might use

-with hoisin sauce.
-[Tony laughs]

I did tell you, food might be hot.
Ridiculously hot.

-Currently very hot, I can tell.
-[Tony] Why is Tony laughing?

-The plum...
-Molten lava.

The Internet has latched on to the fact
that you've decided to use a wok, Dave.

-Why did you reach for the wok today?
-[Dave] Uh...

-I have no idea.
-[laughter]

He has no idea.

-Adding a little syrup.
-Oh, syrup? Now, um...

-I have a question about knives.
-[Dave] Yes.

Is there a knife set
that you absolutely adore?

Ooh.

Or is this a time where you don't
wanna attach yourself to one?

[Dave] No, I have
a controversial take on knives, right?

There's a lot of great knives.

-I'm not gonna choose one per se.
-[Tony] Okay.

I think the thing that needs
to be taught first is before you buy,

sharpen your knife.

-Learn how to sharpen your knife.
-[Tony] Right.

Either get it professionally done...
Using a steel doesn't sharpen it per se.

-[Tony] Is that the...?
-Yeah. This...

-This is a steel.
-Oh, yeah.

All it does is bend the blade
so it's straight.

[Tony] Yeah. Okay.
I'm gonna stop you 'cause here's...

I have one of those.

I have a hard time doing that
'cause of the sound.

-Oh, yeah?
-The teeth, it's like...

It feels like when the drill
starts in the dentist office.

Where it's like, "A little too close."

Those are personal issues
that I don't need to get into.

I suggest that you do it facing away
from you so you don't hurt yourself.

I've seen a couple injuries that way,
and it's not the nicest thing.

-In the movies, they do it like this.
-[Dave] Right.

Is that real?

Have you guys played
a culinary character in any film yet?

[Sam] I have not, but I'm asking to.

I'm begging to, actually. Uh...

I do like to cook,
so I feel like I wanna like learn...

Sometimes I watch
a YouTube video on knife skills.

-Yeah, yeah.
-But I don't have any.

-Yeah.
-But, uh, I...

Wait. So you threw the tater tots in. Uh...

-And you are now just mashing them up.
-[Dave] Yeah.

-And...
-Anyone can do this.

[Tony] In addition to those, what...?

So you put syrup and what else?
Chilis? Chili pepper?

-[Dave] No chili pepper.
-No chili pepper.

No chili pepper. Gonna add a little...

There's so much salt already in the meats.

-[Tony] Oh, good call.
-I add no salt.

[Tony] No salt. Okay.

It's very salty already.

Not very salty, but salty in a good way.

Yeah.

-Wow. I'm so excited.
-[Tony] I am too.

Uh, there's only
one sort of warning on this.

-One of these might put you to sleep.
-[Sam] Thank you.

-Okay. Yeah.
-[Tony] Okay.

Sure.

-What is this drink?
-This? Well, this is a Penicillin.

It's my favorite drink.

-Can you break that down?
-Yeah.

It's Scotch, uh, honey, and ginger syrup.

[Tony] Is it...?
Do people use it when they're...?

-[Sam] When they're ill?
-Yeah.

As some sort of, uh...

-Like a cold or something?
-Yeah.

-I do. I don't know if I'm supposed to.
-[Chris] It's a strong c*ck choice.

You said this was your go-to.

-Very strong move.
-[Sam] My signature drink.

If I'm feeling nervous,
"Can I have a Penicillin, please?"

-And they're like...
-[Chris] "Do you have an infection?"

[Sam] I'm like, "Oh, sorry."

I asked for it in the hospital.
And they were obliged to give it to me.

I have good insurance.

-Can I have a sip?
-Yeah.

[Chris] Sam, you mentioned watching
YouTube videos about knife skills.

[Sam] Well, yeah.

'Cause, like, l'm always excited
about knives, just in general.

These are some
of the worst knife skills I've ever...

I... When I was talking,
I forgot how to cut this.

And that really happened.
I had a brain fart.

But, like, 'cause I always, like, get...

I'll buy, like, a new knife
and I'll be like:

"Okay, well, this is gonna be the knife
that I'm gonna take care of."

Within three weeks, it's in the dishwasher
and bent up, and I'm like:

"Okay, well, I'm gonna get a sharpener,
but I don't know how to use it right."

So then I get a new knife
to try and cover that.

Literally, you were exactly the person
I'm trying to direct this message to.

Stop buying.

I'm listening.

And we should do a video
on how to sharpen a knife.

[Tony] Take them to get them sharpened.

-[Dave] Yes. Correct.
-[Tony] Kind of like... Yeah.

[Dave] I just think having a sharp knife
is actually probably a safer way

-'cause dull knives lead to injury.
-[Sam] Injury.

-Yeah.
-[Dave] More often than not.

Do you...? A very basic question.

But when you cut something,
when they go so...

Wow, father of light,
look at that situation.

-What just presented before us?
-[Sam] Yeah.

[Chris] Tony is taken aback by this.

-That is heavenly.
-It's amazing.

-And like all the...
-The tater tots threw me.

Um, I... But do you...? When you...?

Okay, when they curve there...?

When you curve your fingers
and they go fast...

-Yes.
-...that's full-on practice and skill.

That is... That is true.

I mean, basically, it doesn't...

What I love about cooking is
you don't have to be talented.

-[Tony] Not true.
-No, I really believe it. Just practice.

[Sam] Mm-hmm.

-Sam goes, "Yeah."
-Yeah.

-And, uh...
-Oh, thank you.

...I could use more practice with my cuts.

[Chris] Can we get a demo, Mr. Chang?

-[Dave] Yes, sir.
-[Sam] Yeah, please.

-Gonna make one for myself.
-Do it.

-I like this.
-We have a syrup service today.

Would you like artificial syrup
or pure syrup? Maple syrup.

-Pure.
-All right.

-Artificial.
-Thank you.

Okay.

-[Dave] You chose wisely.
-[Chris] That was the first test.

Well, I proudly failed.

I always want the fancy thing.

I... Oof.

-I love, love syrup so much.
-[Dave] Maple is so good. Both styles.

When people eat pancakes and...

For breakfast, I can't do that
because I crash too hard.

If I had that sugar too early,
I would crash.

-[Dave] So this is to recreate...
-[Tony] Whoa, mamacita.

-[Sam] Oh, that's right. That's...
-Mamacita?

[Sam] That's that plum sauce?

[Dave exclaims] Very hot.

-[Sam] It looks so good.
-[Chris] It looks so good.

-[Tony] Um, should we follow you?
-Yes.

-Great. Here, Sam.
-And...

that's how I would do it.

-Thank you.
-I'll give this to you.

[Tony] Bless your heart.

'Cause you chose the right answer.

-[Chris] The cup of the carpenter.
-[Dave] Cup of the carpenter.

In the movie,
this is me being talked down to.

At the end, it turns out I'm right,
and everybody needs my help.

-So just follow along, everybody at home.
-Just follow along.

And you can do the dip.

I like to dip things, you know,
you can dip it in the syrup.

-[Tony] I can dip it in the syrup.
-[Dave] Yes.

[Sam] Get a camera on this,
make sure I'm doing it right.

[Dave] Or you can dip it in the bowl.
You could pour it all over the place.

Do it however you want.
There's no rules here at Dinner Time.

[Tony] That's nice.

-It's nice. A ruleless kitchen.
-[Sam] The safest of kitchens.

[Dave] I mean, as we joke,
it's called like a mu shoo Denver.

-But it does look like mu shoo pork to me.
-[Chris] Mm-hmm.

-It's that savory sweet, man.
-It smells so good.

-Come on, now.
-Making me crazy a little bit.

With a gin martini. [grunts]

Just fold it over
at the bottom there and then...

-God, it is game time.
-[Dave] Uh-oh.

Sam's about to... Sam created a parcel.

I'm gonna send this to my parents at home.

-[Chris] And ship that thing... Oh!
-[exclaims]

-What do you think?
-It is so good.

[Dave] Right?

I'm gonna dip into my drawer...

And I'm gonna pour my syrup
on my situation.

-[Chris] Tony raises an interesting point.
-[Tony] Thank you.

The paired with a gin martini. Is...?

I've spent much less time in diners
than you have, Dave.

Is drinking part of the diner experience?

[Dave] It depends on what time
you're going to a diner.

-Boy, does it.
-Thank you for confirming our choice.

Um...

I don't think I've ever had a martini
at a diner, though. Have you?

Uh, I've been
to kind of those hipster diners.

You know, there's some in Los Feliz.

Just the diner-themed restaurants.

Yeah.
And then they typically sell c*ck.

I'm hitting a beer
when I'm in those spots.

-[Tony] Are you?
-[Sam] Yeah, any diner.

-Get in there. Get in there, man.
-Oh, that's good, I'm good.

-I'll take a nap if I eat the whole thing.
-Yeah.

Um, are you a napper?

[laughter]

-[Sam] Twenty minutes.
-Guys, I got great questions.

-I really should have my own talk show.
-[Chris] Yeah.

-[muffled] This is really good.
-This is amazing.

Come here, Chris.

I'm so glad I picked
the natural, original syrup.

Try this, though.

Artificial syrup.
Maple syrup is, you know...

[Chris grunts]

Has no maple syrup actually in it.
But it's so good.

It's that brown color.

-[Tony] Sometimes the flavoring is better.
-[Dave] You know it.

-That's outrageous, man.
-[Tony] I know, right?

-That's IHOP right there.
-It's so good.

I'll say this, this is gonna be maybe
a controversial statement.

[Tony] Get into it.
Today's the day we need to start it.

Of all the dishes we've made...
I think it's in the hundreds now.

...this is the most delicious thing
we've ever made.

[Tony] Controversial!

[Dave] I mean, I really think so.

When I taste it,
I'm like, "That is so good."

Listen, I prayed about this day
and I knew it was gonna happen.

Having not tasted any other things
on the other shows...

-Exactly.
-...you're 100% right.

-[Chris] It's all downhill from here.
-Uh-oh.

[Tony] Dang, that is good.

That's good. It really is.
So the sweet and savory, man.

-[Dave] Right?
-It's so nice.

You got the texture.
I love texture in food.

It's crunchy, it's soft,
it's salty, it's sweet.

Have you ever just had a guest
just go in and not stop eating?

[Dave] Sebastian Maniscalco.
He ate the whole thing.

-[Sam] Yeah?
-Yeah.

-[Tony] Who?
-Sebastian.

Sebastian Maniscalco came in
and, God bless, was a wonderful guest.

Presented a problem
that we had never anticipated.

[Dave] Ate everything.

Which is if you eat everything,
you get sleepy by the end of the hour.

And, also, you don't talk at all.

-[Tony] Oh, that's not good.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Have you ever had a guest
bring Tupperware to take stuff home?

We will bring you guys
the leftovers to bring home.

-Sorry. I shamed myself by asking.
-There's no shame.

I'm not ashamed.

[Dave] We want... We want you guys to eat.

'Cause I'm gonna, I mean, oh, my God,
I'm very much enjoying this.

That's really good.

-I'll have a little bit more.
-[Sam] Oh.

Then we have ba*ls of meat cooking.

Goodness gracious.

-I'll have one of these tater tots.
-[Tony] I can't remember...

Oh, that's a nice pour of salt. Um...

I can't remember the last time I had Spam.
I don't know if I've ever had Spam.

[Dave] Really?

And I grew up in the South,
and I don't know if I've had Spam.

Oh. You had corned beef before.

Do you feel like Spam is
a Southern thing, Dave?

Scrapple?
No. Scrapple's like Mid-Atlantic.

I don't think Spam is a Southern thing.

-I think it's from Minneapolis.
-Oh, is it?

-Oh.
-[Sam stammers]

So I'm Ghanaian.

My mom's family is Ghanaian
and they use Spam in stew a lot.

Oh, yes.

So, like, you know you'd have
like this stew with waakye.

So I've grown up eating Spam.

-[Tony] Oh, wow.
-I had no idea where it came from,

but I always thought it was
a different kind of animal than it was.

-I get it.
-[Chris] Wasn't what you thought it was?

[Sam] Sure wasn't.

Um, are we going Italian now?
Are these meatballs?

No. This is, uh, dry-aged chuck brisket
and short rib.

We ground this right before you showed up.

-What if I started dumping it into mine?
-You could.

So we... You know, we do things
that I wouldn't even do for my own family.

We ground the meat
for you guys right before, so it's...

-You really did?
-We really did grind this.

-Cool.
-That's amazing.

We added a little fat,

so it's got almost
a 70%, uh, meat-to-fat ratio.

So 30% is sort of like the golden mean,
I think, in truly delicious things.

It's got to have some fat content.

That is not nearly hot enough.

[laughter]

You're supposed
to really hear that sizzle.

Is this just meat,
or is there stuff in that?

No, it's just a chuck brisket
and short rib.

And some dry-aged fat, as well.

-Wow.
-That pan was just like, "Excuse me, sir."

[pan sizzling]

Now this pot right here is
a very famous pot, right?

That is, uh, an enamel pot, a Le Creuset.

[Tony] Le Creuset.

This is something
that I was not planning on making today.

I flew in today,

and, uh, we made a game-time decision.

I was gonna serve you gravy fries.
I think what I love about...

-You guys know Baltimore. That's gravy.
-[Tony] Yeah, yeah.

[Dave] People may not realize
you eat gravy with fries.

It's not just Canada with poutine.
Disco fries is a thing.

-So I was gonna do disco fries.
-[Tony] Mmm.

But I wanted to pay an homage
to your hometown, Detroit.

-Yes, sir.
-Oh. That's nice.

And the Coney Island, the Lafayette,

the hot dog that maybe
people may not realize

is the sort of food of Detroit.

-Exactly. Yes, sir.
-Thank you so much.

[Chris] Do you get down
with the Coney dog?

[Sam] I get down maybe
to the point of too much.

[Dave] Can you explain to people
what it is?

Yeah. A Coney dog is, uh...
It's like a very Detroit staple food.

It's a hot dog, uh, with, like...

The, uh, sausage has a snap to it.
The skin has a snap to it.

-And it's got a chili sauce on top...
-Mmm.

...with chopped onions and mustard on top.

And it's called a Coney dog.

The restaurants they're served in
are called Coney Islands.

[stammers]

-Yeah, that's what...
-[Dave] They're right next to each other.

They're sometimes
in the same building as each other,

two different restaurants.

Uh, but there's several.
And people have their favorites.

-Uh...
-You gonna choose a favorite?

I keep on choosing a favorite
and I keep on getting in trouble for it.

-Let's do it.
-Lafayette Coney Island is my favorite.

-Whoa. You heard it here.
-[Sam] There it is.

They put my picture up on the wall.
But that may help.

I have a question about the poutine
and the gravy on the fries.

-Sure.
-I really, really like a crispy fry.

-So anything that's...
-[Dave] Who doesn't like a crispy fry?

-[Tony] Thank you.
-Right?

I feel like when a gravy is poured
over it, or even a heavy cheese,

I'm gonna be controversial.

-[Sam] Uh-oh.
-But it takes away the crisp.

-[Dave] You're not eating it fast enough.
-You got to get through it.

Lickety-quick.

And food... Like in cinema,
there's the golden hour.

-You got to move quick.
-Yeah.

If you really want to eat well,
you gotta move fast.

-[Chris] It's user error.
-I'm getting, we don't enjoy our food.

-[Dave] Yeah.
-[Tony] I see.

[Dave] Don't blame the french fry.

-I'm sorry.
-[Dave] That is all on you.

[Tony speaks indistinctly]

You're blowing on the french fry.
"It's too hot."

Pouring water on it.

But when it starts to get, like,
dangly and limp like, no, thanks.

Which is why you have to consume a plate
of french fries with gravy or chili...

-[Sam] Mm-hmm.
-...in one minute.

I will say this,
when you can dip a fry in something

and then immediately eat it,
that's a different game.

But when they pour it...

I have a feeling that if I don't do
a separate side of chili for Tony Hale,

he'll give us a two-star Yelp review.

-[Tony] That's already happening.
-He'll give us a thumbs-down on Netflix.

[Chris] Now, do you think that your chili

is a straight remake
of a Coney chili, or is it...?

[Dave] Absolutely not. I have no idea.

[Sam] Looking at the texture of it,
I don't think it is.

But, however...
You'll probably put it through a sieve.

-Is that what it's called? No?
-[Dave] No.

[Chris] It's an adaptation, you would say.

-[Tony] Oh, thanks. Oh, man.
-[Sam] Ooh.

This is to eat?

[Tony] What is that movie?
Is it Melissa McCarthy?

-It was... You were in it.
-[Sam] Oh, yeah, Spy.

I was in Spy.

-She starts eating this like:
-Yeah. [chuckles]

[Chris] I'm trying so hard
to get this transition to work.

So it's an adaptation
of Coney Island chili.

Tony, can you tell us about your new show?

-[Sam] Yeah.
-[Tony] Oh, my next show?

-That was seamless. Oh, my God.
-[Tony] My God.

[Chris] First of all,
you know what makes it...

Chris, you did it!

You know what makes
the transition really smooth?

Announcing
that you're transitioning something.

-[Tony] Tell them about my new show?
-[Chris] Please.

Well, that's very kind.

I'm doing a new show.
It's coming out on the Netflix.

Have you heard of the Netflix,
nine cameras?

And, um, it takes place in 1348
during the Black Plague.

And it is a very, uh, dark comedy

about these nobles that gather together
to fight the plague.

And chaos ensues,

and it's created
by the wonderful Kathleen Jordan.

-And it's really fun.
-The what Plague?

And I believe, a Dinner Time Live first.

[Dave] Dinner Time Live first.

-We have a trailer.
-[Chris] A clip.

But not the trailer that we wanted.

We wanted to show the trailer... Okay.

I'm sure our Netflix exec in the room
is happy that I'm saying this.

We're not allowed to show the trailer.
It's too risqué for our sexless show.

[Tony] I see.

[laughter]

But we do have a clip.

If you wouldn't mind
setting that up for us.

[Tony] Yeah. Yes.

-Let me think about what that is.
-[laughter]

-I can't help you on this.
-Okay.

So I play the, um, steward.

The gin c*ck is starting to kick in.

Uh, I play the steward of the villa,
where the noble invites his friends,

and I'm trying to keep things together,
and the guests have started to arrive.

This is the new clip.

[man] Welcome, welcome.

Introducing Signora Pampinea of Firenze,

the soon-to-be viscontessa of the villa.

Magnificent signora,
an even greater pleasure than I expressed.

-Good day.
-I'm Sirisco, the steward.

I can tell you anything
and everything about our property.

What a thrill!

I brought some small wedding gifts.
Nothing crazy.

-Where is my betrothed, Visconte Leonardo?
-He's not here.

[both] Not here?

He's held up gathering wine
a few towns over. [chuckles]

Surely, he'll be here
for the welcome feast.

Yes, yes. Of course.

[Tony] That's it.

[applause and cheering]

I gotta say, Tony Hale looks
handsome in 14th century...

-[Chris] Insanely handsome.
-I'm sorry?

It wasn't supposed to be sexy, but...
Oh, my God.

-Sam?
-[Sam] Yeah?

I very much recognize this moment, Tony,
of saying something disappointing

to the people in front of me
that they are unhappy to hear.

-That was beautiful.
-[Tony] Thank you, guys.

It's a very, very, very funny show,
and I hope people really enjoy it.

Where was that filmed?

In Rome, Italy.

[Sam] Uh-huh.

And, um, the...

I remember going to a restaurant,
no kidding. Why would I be kidding?

I remember going to a restaurant,
and as an American, I'd say:

"Can I have this, on the menu?"
We typically say, "Can I have this?"

And the guy's like,
"Yes, that's why you're here.

Why are you asking?"

I was like, "Why do we always say,
'Can I have this?'"

-You know what I'm saying?
-[Sam] It goes from being polite to weird.

[Dave] What do they do in Italy?

I guess they just say, "I'll have this."

I was like, "Hey, can I have this?"
And the guy was like, "Yes.

Why? That's why you're here."

This guy was just specifically an as*h*le.

I think it was really...

-They're great people. Great people.
-That's...

I remember there's one story...
I guess I can say this on Netflix.

...but this guy was wearing
a what I thought was a cross,

and for ten months... No, not ten months.

Five months, I'd say,
"I love your cross. I love your cross."

And he goes, "Okay."
'Cause he worked on the show.

Turns out, five and a half months,
it was a p*nis with wings.

-Yeah.
-[laughter]

Funny enough, a p*nis with wings
is the inspiration for your next dish.

-[Tony] So he thought I was coming on...
-[all cheering]

Um...

I, uh...

I don't know why,
but I assume a patty melt

is like a New York diner thing.

And I declared, when we were
throwing around ideas for this menu,

I was like, "We'll make a patty melt.
That's New York."

Then Chris does some quick research.

It is from Los Angeles originally.

The patty melt is an L.A. thing.

-Tiny Naylor's.
-[Dave] Um...

But we're taking it back.
Even though we're filming in L.A.

Yeah, right. On the soil.

Uh, where does the patty melt
in the pantheon of burgers, Dave...?

You love it? Is it the top of the pyramid?

I love the rye bread.

I like this rye bread
'cause it's got the swirl.

-[Sam] Swirls in it.
-[Tony] Like a cinnamon roll.

[Dave] Yeah, it does. Um...

I love the... Just to me, it's got it all.

We also learned that you don't put
Russian dressing on it or Thousand Island.

-You don't?
-[Dave] But we're doing it.

-That's what I've seen more often.
-[Sam] That's why I love it there.

And you got the onions that we cooked
in an Anyday, about 11 minutes,

with a knob of butter and some salt,
Swiss cheese.

Uh, the sauce is a little Chinese mustard,
mayonnaise, ketchup,

uh, and some cornichons
that we chopped up.

Um... We have that, uh...

[stammers]
the Dinner Time Live beef blend.

I put some... Three slices of Swiss cheese,

and now I'm pan-frying the whole thing
in some butter.

Let me tell you,
anytime you pan-fry a sandwich,

-it's just good.
-Yeah.

It's a grilled cheese.

-I'm not saying this... Thank you.
-Pre-grilled cheese.

It's just... Makes it better.

Am I right?

You're knocking it
out of the park today. You are.

-Thank you.
-Sorry, if this is a game show,

-he's...
-You're welcome.

Sam, I'm sorry,
you gotta catch up here, man.

-I'm really a gift to this show.
-Ask the people at home.

Ask the people at home.

-Am I doing so bad?
-Yeah.

I use...

-[Chris] It's not looking good.
-Oh, no.

Shut up, people at home.
I don't care. I'll play the bad guy.

Let me give you a chance for redemption.
He'll serve some fries over here.

-[Sam] All right.
-The gravy, chili-soaked fries.

Rate... Give me your Mt. Rushmore of fries.

-Of fries?
-What are the best kinds of fries?

Best kinds, or best places to get fries?

-[Chris] Best kinds of fries.
-Best kinds of fries.

-[Dave] There is wrong answers.
-There are.

-[Chris] 100% wrong.
-[Sam] You know what?

This is how you redeem yourself.

You know what?
If I don't, I don't give a damn.

[Tony] Oh, wow.

I'm gonna say shoestring.

-[Tony] Wait, you like shoestring?
-I'll leave now.

-[Chris] You can't!
-I'll say shoestring.

I'll say little, tiny,
like nasty, little ones.

-I'm going for the nastiest.
-Okay.

-Are you being for real?
-[Sam] Not entirely.

[Chris] What are little, tiny, nasty ones?

When it's like the little strings
and it's like too small...

Oh. But actually,
you get more in a handful.

-They're bad. They're always bad.
-[Dave] They're so bad.

It's full... I'm just letting
the audience know, shoestring fries,

it's an illusion by the restaurant
to sell you air.

[Sam] Uh-huh.

Yeah.

It's like half a potato
that looks like it's 60 potatoes.

-[Sam] Made puffy.
-Yeah.

You like a potato wedge? A steak fry?

-Jojo. I call them a Jojo.
-[Tony] Okay.

Jojos are delicious, and they're good
when you buy them at a gas station.

Do you like McDonald's fries?

-If you say you don't...
-I feel that I have to say,

I feel like the people are gonna be mad...

-[Tony] I will.
-A platonic ideal of a french fry,

to me, is a McDonald's french fry.

Especially when it's cooked in beef fat.

-[Tony] You said that's a good...
-[Dave] That's a great thing.

That's a true number-one fry.
I love a curly fry.

Is it because they put sugar in it?

I don't think they put sugar. Do they?

-Tony knows something we don't.
-In the french fries?

[Tony] I had heard a rumor.

Oh, man. I don't wanna
start something, guys.

It's a very big, powerful entity
you're talking about.

My last meal would be a Quarter Pounder
with cheese, fries, and a McFlurry, but...

What kind of McFlurry?

M&M 'cause I'm dying the next day.

But I heard they put sugar in their fries,
and that's what makes them so good.

Keep in mind, they're the best,
and I might be wrong.

Listen, if they do, I don't care
'cause they're delicious, right?

[Tony] Delicious. Yeah, they are.

If you put gravy over them,
they would not be delicious.

-I don't know.
-[Tony] You know what? You lost the point.

-Sam, you're in the lead.
-[Sam] That's what I'm talking about. Huh?

Slow... Slow game.

[Tony] You put your sandwich
in a little casserole dish there?

-[Dave] Uh...
-[Tony] No judgment.

[Dave] Look.

-[Tony] Oh, sorry.
-[Sam] The answer's no.

I'm excited about
my cinnamon-roll sandwich.

[laughter]

[Dave] Now Tony is negative points.

[Tony] It's the sweet savory.
I'm looking forward to it.

[Sam] Sit back and watch everything burn.

Um, I'm gonna cut this, so...

[Sam] Ooh, it smells so good.

[Tony] Kudos to you for cooking this time
while we're listening and talking.

-That's hard to do.
-Yeah.

-[Dave] Thank you, Tony.
-It's really hard to do.

-He's trying to make points back.
-[Chris] They're pandering for points.

And it's working. It's working.

[Sam] Also, you're very handsome.

You're handsome. I'd say, beautiful.

Sam, I feel like that's not authentic.

Ouch! Oh, he hurt me.
Should lose points for that.

All right. We gotta do...

All right.

Is that chocolate sauce
that I'm staring at?

-Yeah. Not just any chocolate sauce.
-Okay.

That's a U-Bet's.

[Tony] Do you like air fryers?

[Dave] Uh, I have a sordid relationship
with air fryer.

Let's get into it.
Guys, I love controversy.

I, for the longest time,
I thought air fryers,

'cause they are,
a very powerful hair dryer.

-That's all it is. It's all it is.
-[Sam] Mm-hmm.

[both] Yeah.

I don't want that on my food,
and I just made fun of it.

I persecuted people that were
pro air-fryer until I had children.

And I realized that it resurrects
fried foods from the dead, french fries.

-It's got magical properties.
-[Tony] Okay.

And everything that my children eat

-goes into an air fryer.
-I get it. I love an air fryer.

-I cook salmon in an air fryer.
-Yep.

[Sam] It's also like a real easy way
to get things cooking at the same time.

Like, if you wanna put some,
uh, vegetables in there,

quick air-fry while you're using the oven
for something else.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Right on the countertop.
-We're preaching... You're putting...

-[Sam] Send me an air fryer...
-[Tony] You're k*lling the crispy.

-[Dave] No, no, no. Again, this is for...
-[Sam] This one's mine...

...the person I feel like won today
as the best guest.

Wait, how old are your little ones?

-I got a 5- and a 2-year-old.
-[Tony] Oh!

-Yeah.
-Sweet.

-[Chris] What was that?
-[laughter]

-[Tony] Have they...?
-[Chris] There was deep sympathy in that.

[Tony] No, I love it. No.

Have they seen, uh, when you want...?

Okay. This sounds like I'm dropping...

But if your kids have seen Toy Story?

They have not seen it yet.

But when they do, and I did Forky,
I'll send you a voicemail for them

-from Forky.
-[Dave] Okay!

-So they're at that...
-Wow.

They think Forky's real,
so you can't tell them it's a human.

-[Dave] He's buying my love.
-[Chris] I know.

But it's really, really fun. Really fun.
The perfect age for them to have that.

You want one from the TSA agent
from We're the Millers?

[laughter]

They'll call up and I'll be like,
"Hey, can I see your ID?"

[Chris] Tony's not even plugging
the current Pixar movie.

[Tony] I'm not. I'm not.

You're not even plugging your Pixar movie.
It's doing so well, you don't have to.

It's so sweet 'cause sometimes I'll do it
for friends with little ones that age,

and they'll send a video back
of the kid listening to it,

and they think,
"How did you get Forky to say my name?"

-Wow.
-And it's really dear.

So anyways, just food for thought.

-We know who's going to win today.
-[Chris] I mean, honestly.

We always think we do, don't we?

Um...

-[Tony] Mmm!
-[Sam] The tortoise.

[Tony] This is an enormous fork.

[Sam] That's a serving fork.
That's a serving fork.

[laughter]

Sam, how's the chili?
It's not Detroit style.

-I tell you what. It's delicious.
-[Dave] It's also ridiculously hot.

So you are scoring points
because you are showing no pain.

-[Sam] Call the hospital.
-[Tony] Hey, Sam.

Sam, wanna dip
one of my fries in that chili

so you can notice the crisp
with the sauce?

So who here is anti-gravy
or sauce on french fries?

-[Tony] I do like a nacho on chips.
-Nobody.

Ask the people at home.

They're just afraid of you.
They're not raising their hands.

-What's the Internet say, Chris Ying?
-How do you all feel about gravy fries?

Oh, look at that cheese.

Chang, you are saying, like, you have
to eat them at that perfect moment.

Yeah. Right now, that's gonna cause
third-degree burns in your mouth.

But that's how you earn deliciousness.

You need the pain.
Consume that as quickly as possible.

Pain equals pleasure, period.

[Dave] So, uh, I made a chili.

I was gonna do a gravy, but I took
some of the ground beef we made earlier,

and I added cumin, cinnamon, star anise.

Um...

-What else did I make?
-[Chris] Oregano.

-Pasilla peppers, oregano.
-[Chris] A serrano in there?

Oh, yes.
It's way spicier than Detroit chili.

[Sam] Oh, yeah.

Um, I chopped up some brisket
'cause I wanted texture.

I was about to add beans
when someone said there's no beans.

-No beans. No beans.
-That is delicious, man.

Wait, so this is an elementary question.

When you say, "I chopped that back
because I wanted some texture..."

-Yes.
-So can you break that down?

I don't like when things are so uniform.
Things that should be monotonous

or monotone in flavor or texture,
like Jell-O...

[Sam] Mm-hmm.

-Yeah.
-I want it to be... Or pudding, great.

But I want to experience
different textures in my food.

I don't know why, but I like it that way.

Even something like chili,
which can be flat in texture...

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-...I want to add cuts of meat.

So there's ground beef,
then I cubed up tiny cubes of brisket.

-[Sam] Uh-huh.
-Ooh, I love brisket. So good.

I just got a bite of that brisket. Here.

You don't get that
in regular, uh, chili dogs.

Elevated, as they say.

You said this chili's pretty hot?

A little spicy.

So I... Originally, we...
I know very little about egg cream.

-Ooh, mama! [chuckling]
-[Chris] Oh, you're...?

That's got a kick. That's nice.

[Chris] Full disclosure.
Ahead of the show, Sam,

you said to me your spice tolerance
was, like, a seven out of ten.

-I can live with seven out of ten.
-I relayed that to Dave.

He tasted his chili and was like,
"That's a seven and a half."

-[Dave] Seven and a half.
-[Sam] Oh, yeah?

I was sweating b*ll*ts for a little bit.

I always give it a low bar.

I think I can do a solid 8.5,
but I say that, and then you give me 8.5

and I start crying on TV.

What do you put this at?
Give us the spice on this one.

I thought this was a six, spice-wise.
You know what I mean?

I think it's 'cause you have
the french fries and the cheddar.

A lot of stuff going on.
It's, like, literal heat as well.

-Want to taste this by itself?
-[Sam] Yeah, I did already.

-[Tony] With the spoon.
-[Sam] Oh, just on its own.

[Chris] The Internet is... 86%
of our respondents are pro-gravy fries.

-[Sam] Yo! Sorry, Tony.
-[Dave] Sorry, Tony.

Know what? I don't want to get into it,
but you used to be my friends.

[laughter]

-Ain't that just the way beef crumbles?
-Just to... Are you putting a seltzer?

-Yeah. This is an egg cream.
-[Tony] Wait, so...

If I had another Gem Spa glass,
which is now closed,

-I would have done it in both of those.
-[Tony] Is there an egg in there?

No. I have no idea
why it's called egg cream.

Um, but truthfully, I was trying to get...
I am not... I'm a novice egg-cream maker,

and I wanted to get Jimmy Kimmel's dad,
Jim Kimmel, Sr., here,

but he had foot surgery
and he couldn't make it.

We love you, Jim Kimmel.
'Cause he's taught me how to make this.

-And he'd be disappointed in how it is.
-Oh, that's nice.

What is the history of an egg cream?

So there's a couple
of different theories on the, uh, name.

There was one where it's like,

somebody was asking for it in French,
and it was like, "Eght cream."

And there was another one
where it's maybe from Yiddish

that means, like, "good cream,"

but it's never traditionally
had egg in it.

Okay.

And it's always got U-Bets,
which is a specific chocolate syrup.

-[Sam] Where's it from?
-No idea.

-All right. Just buy it in the street.
-[Dave] "Brooklyn original since 1900."

-There you go.
-[Sam] I'll be damned.

-These fries are very crispy. Well done.
-So are these. Look at this.

What you're not looking at is that

because not all of the french fries
are covered in sauce,

you can get different parts
that are crunchy and soft.

[Tony] Nah, that's more crispy
than what you ate before.

-Look at this.
-[laughter]

Um, how is the patty melt?

-It's really delicious.
-Patty melt is so good.

I didn't want to jump in.

[Tony] You haven't eaten
as much as I have.

-[Sam] I've been jamming on these fries.
-[Tony] I just dove in.

-[Chris] They're taking this so seriously.
-[Dave] I know.

-[Tony] Black-and-white cookie? Hey!
-[Dave] It is a black-and-white cookie.

Hey, this is my favorite dessert
in New York.

I would always get these in delis,

and when I lived in Manhattan, and...
I loved... I didn't...

-Oh, man, that's really nostalgic.
-[Dave] Also one of my favorite things.

It's like the top of the muffin
with the frosting on it. You know?

-It's such a good cookie.
-[Tony] So good.

Even when they're, like, uh...
I don't even know how old they are.

Doesn't matter.
All black-and-white cookies are delicious.

So I felt like my memory
of a New York diner or deli would be

a black-and-white cookie and an egg cream.

[Tony] You can tell this is fancier.
The ones I got in the deli are flatter,

and this has some depth to it.

We also have never really made
black-and-white cookies before.

That's really good. Wait.
How did these originate? Do we know?

-[Dave] I don't know. Chris?
-[Chris] The black-and-white cookie?

[Dave] If you weren't ready for this...
You had one job.

I'm looking at my notes.
I'm looking at my notes.

-No, it's okay.
-It's a New York original.

From the beginning of the 20th century.
Bavarian immigrants brought this.

And then it slowly became a staple
of Ashkenazi Jewish food.

'Cause you find these wrapped up
in every deli in Manhattan.

That was flawless.

It is really good.

[Chris] These guys are coming for
the throne of Best Eaters on this show.

I got to say, just looking for more...

-[Tony] We're better than Sebastian?
-Better than Sebastian.

-You guys are top 1%.
-[Sam] Whoa! Yeah!

-Victory! Victory!
-Love to hear that.

[applause]

-[Chris] That would put it over the top.
-You got to do it then.

Um... Uh...

-Cheers.
-[Dave] Cheers.

-Wait, are you done cooking?
-I'm done.

-Yeah. All right.
-Dude, I got to tell you, I'm serious.

That is so impressive
to have this discussion while you cook,

'cause I don't...
I cannot talk when I cook.

I don't cook a lot, but it's really tough.

Well, uh, I just want to make tasty food.

I want to have great guests
and conversation.

I'm thankful
that you guys showed up today.

-You guys are both winners.
-Thank you.

Well, that's not necessarily true.
I'm just saying that.

-[Chris] He doesn't feel that way.
-Again, time is gonna tell.

When we look back on this in the archives
100 years from now,

they'll be like, "Oh, Sam was right.

-Everything he said..."
-[Chris] He wasn't appreciated.

-The people in the future are saying this.
-[Tony] How did you contact them?

-Trust me.
-Okay.

[Dave] Tony, Sam,
thank you for joining us today.

This was so fun.

-We'll pack up leftovers for you guys.
-I haven't even tried my egg cream.

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