01x22 - Choose Your Own Adventure Volume 2

[bunniefuu]

Hi, everybody. Chris Ying here.

We are gonna be live on Dinner Time Live
in a few hours with David Chang.

[giggles]

We're doing another
choose-your-own-adventure episode,

meaning no planned menu.

Tonight we've got the hosts
of the Bad Friends podcast.

Two very hilarious people,
Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino.

Dave is gonna cook entirely based
on whatever he finds in the fridge.

-What's left over from last night...
-With my eyes closed.

He's just gonna grab things.

I spoke to Bobby and Andrew yesterday.

The only thing they said was,
"Don't make it bad."

Well... I'm sure their audience feels
the same way. "Be funny."

Okay, we have all kinds of good stuff.

Ranch from last night,
all the stuff that went in the hot pot.

[Chris giggles]

Sorry, I'm trying to figure this out.

He's Beautiful Mind-ing, people.
He's Beautiful Mind-ing.

This is gonna go...

-We're gonna make mapo tofu with this.
-Ooh.

Mapo tofu ramen, maybe.

I don't know. It's a lot of mise en place.

We don't have ramen.

-We'll make it.
-Okay.

And I'm gonna try
to make a, uh, cheesecake.

-Okay.
-Cheesecake.

There's not a ton of time.

-Santino has, uh, Cheeseburger.
-His special's called Cheeseburger.

I'll make some kind of Cheez Whiz.

I know one thing. Bobby's gonna
complain that he's getting leftovers.

Can I be honest with you?
He already did. [laughing]

He's quite an easy book to read.

So it's gonna make him upset
until we get to the end.

Serve him this so he'll get some luxury.

Oh, yeah.
Let's see if these are still good.

If I can't eat it raw,
I don't wanna serve it.

Borderline?

Edible.

-It's gonna be great, Bobby!
-I ate it raw. It's fine.

I don't know. We may not get
to all of it, but we're gonna do it.

We will see you all very soon. Let's go.

[theme music playing]

All right, we're back.
Another episode of Dinner Time Live.

I'm Dave Chang. Chris Ying.

Joined with two
of the funniest people on the planet.

Bobby, Andrew, thanks for coming on.

-Thank you, Dave, for having us.
-Thank you, Dave!

And we improvised.

We wrote a song earlier today.

Get ready, go.

[both] ♪ Dinner time with David Chang ♪

-That's it. That's it.
-One verse. That's all we get.

♪ He cuts in line at the airport ♪

It's a little inside thing that we have,
but anyway, um...

Listen, it's not that inside.
Bobby just holds grudges. That's okay.

I hold grudges.
Anyway, uh, what do we got here today?

Wait, hold on.

Can I give you a...? I got you a gift.

-[Dave] What?
-What is it?

-Can we bring in the gift?
-Fly in the gift.

I chose a hunk to do it.
Look at this hunk.

-Look at this hunk.
-Look at this hunk of loaf.

Whoa, dude. What's up?

We'd love to present it.
We got you a gift.

I got you a gift! He didn't do anything.

No, I picked it out. I picked it out!

Okay, stop. What is it?

-It's a porcelain figurine of a chicken.
-It's not.

-[Bobby] It's not?
-No.

-[Andrew] Let him open it.
-Right.

-Here we go.
-[Dave] Thank you.

-You're welcome.
-[Andrew] And thank you, hunk.

-Yeah, thank you, hunk.
-[both] What a babe that guy was.

-[Andrew] All right.
-There we go.

[Andrew] What is it?

-Whoa!
-[Andrew] Oh!

[Bobby] Yeah, see?

See that chicken?!

It's a chicken, dude.

Thank you.

[Bobby] In Korea,
the chickens look like that.

-I've been waiting for that.
-And they like to drink.

-This is something you can drink from?
-Correct.

-That's for storage of alcohol.
-[Bobby] Yeah.

[Andrew] Nothing's in there.
We just bought it.

-[Chris] You say you already have one.
-You're welcome.

Thank you, guys. I'm so honored.

-He didn't do anything.
-Yeah.

This right here...
On there, it says "national pipe."

-What does that mean?
-That's what the woman at the store said.

She said, in Japanese,
it says national pipe.

Let me tell you my gift to you.

I cooked a bunch of stuff.
You guys already started with sliders.

I was gonna make a cheeseburger
in honor of your last Netflix special.

But, uh, I turned it
into sort of a Wagyu slider.

There were some leftovers from yesterday.
This is sort of a theme, leftovers.

-[Bobby] I have a question.
-[Dave] Yeah.

Sorry. Why do we get the leftover stuff?

We're the leftovers of the business.

Is that why?

-We were saving the best stuff for last.
-[Andrew] I've heard that before.

[Dave] This is the menu
that I'm most excited to cook

because while they're leftovers,
a lot of them are really nice ingredients.

You have Wagyu I cooked up for you guys.

This is beautiful beef.

You barely took a bite, Bobby. Thank you.

-I ate both of mine.
-[Dave] Thank you.

I have a small stomach.

-It's a tiny stomach. Yeah.
-Really?

-Really?
-Yeah, but it's all fat.

But the stomach lining is small.

-So it just falls out of it?
-Yes. I poop...

Andrew finished his whole...
You clean-plated it?

Clean plate.
I mean, we are keeping a tally,

as is the audience, of the best eaters.

And right now, Andrew's in the top five
of eaters of all time.

-[Chris] Right now, Andrew's number one.
-[Dave] By far.

[Andrew] It was so good.

Can I get this out of the way?

-Oh, boy. Yeah, please.
-May I?

I can already tell
that you like him more, right?

So just enough of that, all right?

I get it.

Enough of that. I get it.

-I love you.
-I love you too.

-Remember that time I went to Momofuku?
-Yeah.

With our friend Gabe, and we ate.

-There's a photo on Instagram. Remember?
-Yeah.

-Can you take this away, please?
-[laughter]

I'm just saying...

-You know what? I'll take it.
-I never met Andrew.

I'm excited to meet him.
I've known you a long time.

I never met Andrew. I'm a big fan,
so can't I be starstruck?

-[Bobby] Yeah, you're right.
-Okay?

-It's not always about you.
-Right.

See? I love this. More of this.

-More of that?
-Yeah.

[both] ♪ Dinner time with David Chang ♪

So now when you do that,

when you separate the little hole there,
is that to let the chowder breathe?

There's a reason. I'm gonna show you.

-[Andrew] Excited.
-Okay.

[Chris] What are you working on?

[Dave] Well, let me explain everything
that's happening.

So this menu,
you guys started off with those sliders.

This is something that is, uh,
leftovers from a variety of episodes.

We have scallops. We have some snow crab.

And this is my interpretation

of the great chef,
the late great Joël Robuchon,

who, uh, at l'Atelier de Robuchon,
still has a langoustine with basil.

I serve this with corn.

I think scallops and corn are
a beautiful combination.

We have corn.

If you juice it and cook the corn,
that's where you get cornstarch.

Very starchy, turns into a pudding.
I'm serving that with mint.

So one of these is snow crab,
and the other one is scallop.

Then we're gonna roll into crispy rice.

You're a big fan of crispy rice
from Majordomo.

[Bobby] I love crispy rice from Majordomo.

And I'll tell you why. I like the crunch.

[Chris] That's a good reason.

Who doesn't love the crunch?

-Everyone loves the crunch. Anyway...
-Um...

[Chris] The scallops you were
gonna serve last night,

they're very fresh, delightful scallops.

-[Dave] Sort of fresh.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When you say "sort of fresh,"
what does that mean?

[Chris] I don't know. What does that mean?

Perfect for you guys.

How many days does a scallop take
before it goes bad?

-[Dave] It's not bad.
-What's a scallop's shelf life?

-A day? Two days?
-Two days.

-How many days has this been?
-Three?

-Two days.
-Two days?

We're on the line.

-We're max scallop day.
-[Bobby] Okay.

[Andrew] There's no chance
to get sick from this, right?

Do you think we can't?

[Bobby] What happened to the pill?

-[Andrew] Where's the Imodium?
-[Chris] Do you want a lactate?

-[Bobby] Give me the pill.
-[Andrew] Lactate him.

This looks good.

So one scallop and one, um...
What's the other one?

-Uh, snow crab.
-[both] Snow crab.

[Bobby] What's the difference
between snow crab and land crab?

[Dave] There's a lot
of different kinds of crab.

This is one of them.
That's why you come to the show?

But why are they called snow?
Are they in the snow?

No, they're not in the snow.
I think it's just a kind of crab.

-[Bobby] Okay.
-Yeah.

-Gonna be really hot.
-We can eat though, right away?

-You could if you wanted to.
-Lactaid! Good.

-Do I mix the sauce?
-[Dave] Yes.

With this, right?

-[Dave] That's hot.
-[Andrew] It's way too hot.

I'll wait for a second.

[Bobby] Okay, so here we go.

[Chris] The corn pudding,
or corn there, is just...?

Corn. There's butter in there now.

-Salt, and...
-Careful. Careful. Baby boy, careful.

-Just let me do it, dude. God.
-Okay, do it.

-All the way.
-Ow! Careful.

Ow, that... Careful.

It burned.

-[Chris] This monkey is in every shot.
-Right?

-[Dave] Should I move it?
-[Bobby] Oh, my God!

-[Andrew] So good. Wow!
-So good. Wow.

Bobby, this is
the leftover episode, right?

-Does it taste like leftovers?
-No, no.

-I have not cooked this hard for anybody.
-[Bobby] Wow.

Putting aside Andrew,
I did it all for you.

-You did?
-Yeah.

-Well, thank you, dude.
-You're welcome.

I picked out that chicken for you, dude.
I'll tell you that right now.

Now this is snow crab.

-What's the little green thing inside?
-[Dave] Thai basil.

[Bobby] Ooh! Fancy.

-Andrew, you want this?
-[Dave] I'm not even sure...

Where did the Thai basil...?
What episode was that?

We got the... What did we do last week?
I don't know.

-[Andrew] Thai basil lasts a long time.
-It does.

-[Chris] It was for your melon salad.
-[Dave] Yes.

-Oh, melon.
-Oh, my God, so good, the scallop.

Tip for the home,
if you wrap your herbs in a wet towel,

wet paper towel,
and then put it in a plastic bag,

it's gonna last a long time.

-[Andrew] Really?
-Yes.

Is the cell-phone-in-rice thing real?

I've never heard of that.
Is that something people do?

-You drop your phone in water...
-[Andrew] You'd be the ones to ask...

-[Dave] Well, that's...
-If you drop your phone in water...

[Chris] Bobby, you don't have
to raise your hand.

-No, I wanna say something.
-Yeah.

Let me ask you something.
I wanna tell you some information.

So can I stand up?

-[Chris] Please.
-Can I...?

-Bobby, I can't tell the difference.
-I'm a single man... Hey, Dave.

Wait. I'm a single man, Dave, right?

And guess what, bud.

When I take the girls out to dates,
I go to Majordomo.

And check it out.

I have a 60% make-out rate
from Majordomo. 60%, guys!

-Hey, hey.
-Yeah?

We can make that 100
if you bring a date here.

-Really?
-Wanna have a live date?

-Let's ask Uncle Ted.
-Oh, my God.

-Wouldn't that be funny?
-Let's do it.

[Chris] You have to show
the aftermath too.

Show the whole thing, the date and after.

-The make-out?
-[Chris] Yeah.

I'll tell you how I do it.
You know, "Baby, what's up?"

[Dave] It's gonna be Love Is Blind...

No, I don't open my mouth at first,
I go closed.

-Right? Because when they close theirs...
-[Chris] You're telling me how you kiss?

-Is that what you're telling me?
-Yeah, no. No.

-I... No.
-[Chris] That's fine.

-Mouth closed, and then you open it?
-No. I lock eyes.

I go in close, right?

Then I go down to the mouth.

If it opens a little bit,
I open my mouth a little.

-It's a dance.
-[Chris] Uh-huh.

-[coughs]
-[laughter]

It's a dance!

-Are you and I dancing now?
-[Bobby] Yeah. Sorry.

-[Andrew] What is happening?
-I don't know.

But, no, Andrew, Asian people
don't all store their phones in rice.

[laughter]

-Is that what you're asking?
-Yeah. Where do you put it, then?

-At night, you don't put it in rice?
-[Chris] We have nightstands.

[Andrew] Oh, okay.

-[Andrew speaks indistinctly]
-Don't eat all of it.

[Chris] Can you unveil the secrets
of this crispy rice Bobby loves?

Yes. Uh, something that's been
on the menu at the restaurant.

I have not made it here,
believe it or not, yet. It's basically...

It's been so long. I can't remember
the exact re... [groans]

-[Chris] Oh, sh*t.
-sh*t.

[Bobby] I'm sorry.

Yeah. No, no, stop, stop.

What is the meaning of all this?

That is from the claw,
'cause I took real crab, and I...

-I...
-[Bobby] Yeah.

-If I was a cook, I'd be fired.
-I don't want this in my thing, okay?

[laughter]

Here.

-Did you get one of those sticks?
-No, I didn't.

Maybe I did it on purpose.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, look, look, look.

What in God's name is this all about?

It's fine. It's natural.

-It's natural.
-You're not gonna die.

-I know.
-It's natural. This comes from the crab.

[Bobby] How many sticks are in here?

Okay.

-That's how you know this is real.
-So good, Dave.

You're gonna give me a Yelp review,
I know it.

-[Bobby] It's so good.
-[Chris laughs]

[Chris] Uh, you were talking
about the rice

-a minute ago.
-[Dave] I don't remember what's happening.

[Chris] What's the inspiration?
What are you doing?

Originally, it was...

So I think any country or culture
that has rice,

they all know the best part of the rice
is the crunchy bit that happens.

And every culture that has rice in it
has a crunchy rice dish.

-Koreans have nurungji.
-Nurungji is my favorite.

-[Dave] What is it?
-What?

Can you explain it to the guests?

No, man.
No, I'll tell you what nurungji is.

If you cook rice in a pot, right?

Stone pots, that's when it best comes out.

-[Dave] Correct.
-Right?

Take the rice out, you eat that,

and then later what they do
is they put warm water in it, right?

-Correct.
-Or that tea water.

-What's...? Barley water.
-Boricha.

Yeah. And then you scoop that out,
and you eat that, that's the best part.

These are all very true.

-[Chris] Yeah. That is...
-Thank you.

[Bobby] You're welcome.

-[Dave] Well, I'm not doing that at all.
-[laughter]

[Bobby] What are you doing?

I'm trying to make it more quickly,
and I added a lot of fat,

so butter, olive oil, season it
with fish sauce, sesame oil.

-And I am going to...
-[Andrew] Oh, yeah. Yeah.

...smash this down so it gets crunchy

on the bottom, on a low heat.

And then I'm gonna...

get started on the rice topping.

No, no, no, let him.

Chris, am I supposed
to cook something else after this?

-You've got your jjigae.
-[Dave] Yeah, the jjigae. Oh, yeah.

-[Chris] Serve that now if you want.
-I made so much food today.

After this, you've got
four more courses to go.

Dave genuinely prefers
this method of just what he has

-and figuring out in the moment, right?
-[Dave] I do. I do.

This is, to me, the best episode

-where I'm cooking off the cuff.
-[Andrew] Yeah.

I walked in here and looked at the fridge,
"This is what we got to cook."

And the problem is,
I can't remember everything.

-Can I ask a question?
-Yes.

'Cause sometimes I'm at Majordomo, right?
And I ask, "Is David here," right?

And they go, "No." You're never there.

But if you were there,
would you say hi to my table or no?

Let me put it this way,
if Andrew was there,

-I would go.
-Thank you.

-Next time I go, I'll let you know.
-Yeah.

'Cause I've been, but I never bother you
'cause I don't wanna bother you.

I don't need the attention,
all that stuff.

Thank you.

All I'm gonna say is this,
there's a company rule

that if somebody tells the front door
that they're a friend of mine,

then they get bumped way down on the list.

-[Andrew] Right.
-Oh!

-I'm serious.
-That's why I wait for hours.

No. Because no friend of...

There's nobody that I would know
that would do that.

Okay, you think it's rude for me
to bring a date to your restaurant and go:

-"Is the owner here?"
-Bobby, you have my cell phone. Text me.

-Can I say something?
-Yeah.

-You never text back, do you?
-[laughter]

Be honest. I can pull up...
My phone's over there.

You never text back, dude!

Don't lie in front of your Netflix people.

This is a Dinner Time Live show.

This is not therapy for everybody
or our relationship.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Andrew's not even seen this side of you.

-I love you, brother.
-I just wanna eat.

Yeah. You're right.

Dude, am I too much?

-[Chris] No, I would love to see you...
-No.

-[Chris] I would like to see the answer.
-He's sweating.

Before the show,
he goes, "Let's not go too big."

-Don't go too big.
-Sorry, David.

-All good.
-What is that?

♪ Dinner Time with David Chang ♪

I don't know if you have the right number.
We'll find out after.

-[Andrew] Can you tell me...?
-More Wagyu short rib.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Again, even though it's a leftover,
it's still good.

Still good.

-It was never cooked though?
-[Dave] Correct.

-[Andrew] So it's not left over...
-[Dave] But the ingredients were.

[Andrew] Oh, that stuff... Who cares?

Um, and I have some lap cheong.
Which is, uh, sausage.

-I know nothing about its history.
-What's inside lap cheong?

-Deliciousness.
-Okay.

-[Andrew] When you...
-I'm looking at Chris to help me.

I'm looking at the Internet to help me.

When you say Wagyu,
is it Japanese or American?

-[Dave] See, this is the thing.
-Yeah.

I'm only saying this 'cause it's too hard
for me to explain it.

This is a bastardized
American version of the real thing

-based on the true story.
-[Andrew] Got it.

Very few people actually
serve true lineage of Wagyu.

And all Wagyu means is "Japanese cow."

-Right.
-But...

But it's got to be
from the area of Japan to be real.

It has to be from Japan, but, you know...

But is it true they massage the cows?

-[Dave] Yes, I've been to the farms.
-Yes.

Not all of them, but, yes, they...

One reason why they are raised that way

is there's not enough land
for them to roam.

So they are raised in a way that
they are massaged, have a specific diet.

How do you become a cow masseuse?
Who's that guy?

-I want that job.
-Yeah.

-[Dave] Do you really want that job?
-To massage a cow?

I work with one every day.
I'd like to massage him.

-An attack on my body.
-Yes, it is.

-An attack on my body.
-Yes, it is.

[laughter]

-Say "moo." Say "moo."
-Moo!

See? See?

-Okay.
-And think about it.

Stop it.

So, uh, let me ask you this.
You know José, the chef?

-José Andrés?
-Great guy. Clap for him.

-[Dave whoops]
-Great guy, right? Right? He's a giver.

I went to one of his restaurants,
and they brought out a certificate.

-Yes.
-Is that legit?

That's one way
is the nose imprint of the genetics...

Genealogy of the cow,
to prove that it's actual real.

-Most Wagyu is not really Wagyu.
-That's what I thought.

[Chris] Bobby, what is your success rate?

Your make-out success rate
at José's restaurant?

-[Bobby] Zero percent.
-[Andrew] Way lower.

-Zero percent.
-Suck it, José.

Suck it.

Also, I've never brought a date there too.

-[Chris] Okay, so 100%...
-Yeah.

I think, Bobby, if you just would, like,
call me in earnest beforehand,

I think we can make
your success rate 100%.

-Will you text me back? Be honest.
-Yeah.

I don't remember
getting any text messages.

-We're going here.
-After the show, we'll compare.

[Dave] This is now an intervention.

[Chris] Andrew, do you believe this 60%...?

Is 60% a good rate
for a restaurant, do you think?

I think if you get
a make-out 60% on dates,

that's good in this day and age.

Sixty percent...

-I'm 52.
-There it is.

-I'm shaped weird.
-Yeah.

I have no muscle in my body.

-90% fat, right? Kind of dumb.
-Yeah.

-I think I'm doing fine.
-That's pretty good.

-[Chris] Fifty-two is very good.
-Pretty good, right?

-All right.
-Let's clap for my stats.

-Clap for my stats, guys.
-[applause]

Dave, the Internet was wondering
what you're pushing into the rice

-when you were making the crispy rice.
-Just pressing it down.

-[Chris] Pushing something into it?
-Butter.

Putting butter quickly into the rice
to accelerate the browning process.

[Chris] Got it.

I don't remember why I have cabbage.
It was left over.

I don't know why I'm putting it in here.
I'll stop, put that over here.

Do you have any beef with other chefs?
A chef you don't like?

-[Dave] There's a lot I don't like.
-Give me one.

-Give me one that you don't like.
-No.

Come on.

[Chris] If you give him a comedian
you don't like...

[Andrew] We'll give him a bunch.
That's easy.

-What about the Australian who owns Gwen?
-[Dave] Curtis, he's great.

I met him on a flight.

There's a few Australian chefs
that claim that their hamburger

deserves a beet on it,
which is why I think they're garbage.

Ah!

You can't put a slice of beet
on a hamburger.

-[Andrew] Curtis doesn't do that?
-I don't know if he does.

You know, his wife played my wife
on a TV show.

-Yeah.
-[Dave] Really?

Splitting Up Together.
Splitting Up Together, right?

-You don't believe me?
-I believe it.

-I believe everything you say.
-I met him on a flight to Florida.

He was like: [in Australian accent]
"We've got to get you out.

Get you to one of the spots and eat."

-[Dave] That's pretty good.
-[in normal voice] Yeah, multifaceted.

And then I texted him to go to Gwen,

just to be like,
"Hey, I'm gonna go over and say hi."

He did say, "I'm there a lot of nights."
I said, "Oh, great."

Ghost.

-Oh...
-Ghost. Didn't respond, so I blocked him.

-[Dave] Sorry, Curtis.
-Sorry, Curtis.

No, no, no. I'm not sorry.
You know what you did.

-Yeah.
-Deleted his number forever.

[Bobby] Andrew, can you teach me
how to do an Australian accent?

[both] Down under.

[Andrew] Say mate. Say mate.

[Bobby] Mate. Down under, mate.

-[Andrew] So good.
-[Bobby] Pretty good or no?

-Every accent you do sounds like a...
-A Chinese guy?

Boss, the plane, the plane.
Down under, mate.

[Bobby] Yeah, yeah, okay.

-[Dave] You do a good Chinese accent.
-Not even.

-No, I don't.
-Do one.

Oh...

-See. So bad.
-[Chris] Let's do something else.

-It's not going... [groaning]
-[Andrew] No, no, no.

Let's not go there. We're not going there.

-[Bobby] How is that r*cist?!
-[Andrew] Yeah, it is.

[Bobby] I'm Asian! I can do it!

[Dave] Bobby, no!

Actually, speaking of comedian beef
and chef beef...

-[Andrew] Oh, yeah.
-Uh...

It so turns out that we have one
of your former Mad TV castmates

-was a guest on our show before.
-[Bobby] Who?

-[Andrew] Ike Barinholtz.
-Never heard of him.

First thing when I saw you today is,
you're complaining about the leftovers.

-[Andrew] Yeah.
-[Bobby] Okay, stop. Wait, watch.

You're such an easy book to read.

Did I not say the first thing he'll say is
"Why did I get the leftover episode?"

-Yeah, he did.
-You did.

-Everyone here can attest to that.
-I never said that.

That's insane that you would make that up,

live in front of the world to see.
That's crazy.

I feel like Joe Biden right now
and you're Trump.

[all] Whoa!

-Whoa, dude.
-[Dave] That's crazy.

-[Chris] Let's definitely talk about this.
-What are you making there?

[speaking indistinctly]

-But we have a video message.
-[Bobby] Oh, Joe Biden?

-From Joe Biden.
-What is it, nine minutes long?

-For...
-[Andrew] Let's see it.

It's just seven minutes of silence
and then two minutes of talking.

-We have a video message for you, Bobby.
-[Bobby] Good.

-Someday it'll come up on the screen.
-What's up, Bob? Uh...

It's great that you're going on
Dinner Time Live. Congrats.

I know David is gonna prepare
a sumptuous feast,

maybe incorporating
some of your favorite foods,

which are Camel Lights
and Prime energy drink. Uh...

It's wonderful that they're just slowly
working their way down the Mad TV cast.

The most important thing
for you to remember

while you're eating
this once-in-a-lifetime meal

is that no matter how delicious it is,
no matter how beautiful the food

David prepares for you is,

it won't be as good as what he made
for me and Seth Rogen.

[laughter]

-f*ck you, Bobby!
-f*ck you, man.

f*cking...

[Chris] I'm so sorry.

-That was aggressive.
-[Chris] This is the message we got.

-What was the last thing he said?
-He said, "Love you, Bobby."

-[Bobby] No, before that.
-The last thing...

[Bobby] He was gonna eat some what?

[Chris] No matter what, it will never be
as good as what Dave cooked

for him and Seth Rogen.

That's very good. That's very nice.

Ike Barinholtz. Mindy Project.
Give him a round of applause.

Go back there. Let's go back to this.

-You didn't like that?
-No. I love him though.

He's like a brother. What's next?

[laughter]

-There's a lot of emotion today.
-Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't anticipating this
to be a therapy session.

[Chris] It's getting rough here.

[Dave] This isn't like Christmas...
Feels like Christmas past today.

-[Chris] What is going on top of the rice?
-[Dave] Um...

I took the Wagyu
and I added, basically, soy,

uh, agave, and sesame seed... Sesame oil.

And this mushroom from yesterday,
the enoki and the hon-shimeji

and I sort of did a quick pickle
in rice wine vinegar, garlic, ginger,

again, more sugar, and soy sauce.
That was it.

-Quick pickle.
-[Bobby] Mmm.

Love a good quick-pickle.

[Dave] Do you? Do you cook a lot?

No, I was talking about my Grindr dates.

-I just love a good quick-pickle.
-[laughter]

It's a subcategory.
Ever had a quick pickle?

-[Chris] Yeah.
-No, dude, I can't cook.

I'm so sh*t at that.
I've tried... I really do.

I really have tried.
You know, um, Chef Pépin?

-[Dave] Jacques Pépin.
-Jacques Pépin.

-[in French accent] Little egg for you...
-He's a great guy.

[in normal voice] I watch his TikToks.
He does a lot of meals for one or two.

Not family meals.
He does it for him and his wife.

And so I try to follow him
and I can't do it.

I've tried, but I really like him.
He's cute.

-Is he alive? Oh.
-He is alive.

-He was my dean at cooking school.
-[Andrew] Really? You didn't like him?

[Dave] A fact about Jacques Pépin.

His first article for a recipe,
guess what publication it was in?

-[Bobby] TIME magazine.
-[Dave] Playboy.

-[Bobby] Okay.
-[Andrew] Wow.

Playboy, Hugh Hefner's magazine?

-[Dave] Yes.
-Oh, nice.

-[Dave] Got the crispiness on the bottom.
-I can't wait.

-Where's my thing?
-[Andrew] Do it with your hands.

[Bobby] No, no, no.

[Andrew] Are you gonna...?

-Can you wait a bit? Oh, my God.
-My bad.

For the sake of the show,
you're not gonna...

-Oh, yeah.
-No, you do the spoon.

I didn't see them.

I'm just so happy you can eat no problem.

If people listen to the podcast,
the Bad Friends,

you had a bad spill on a bus.

-You bust your lip on it.
-Show them your lip.

-Look at the camera.
-Can I?

-Yeah.
-[Chris] Yeah, please.

-Can you see it?
-[Chris] Oh, we can see some redness.

-There's some redness.
-[Chris] Yeah.

But before it was split open,
blood, you know what I mean?

There's some puss-y kind of things.
I know we're eating.

[Dave] I'm just glad
that you could make it here and eat.

-Thank you for being a trouper.
-That happened a month ago.

-It happened two weeks ago.
-Okay.

And so what is the meat on here?

-The Wagyu?
-Lap cheong, the Wagyu.

[both] Wow.

-[Dave] And the pickled mushrooms.
-[Andrew] What's the string?

-Stringy mushrooms.
-[Dave] That's enoki.

-Enoki.
-[Dave] Correct.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Probably... One of the best things
I've ever eaten in my life.

-You're just saying that.
-I'm not kidding.

-The buns before, they were okay. Okay?
-[laughter]

They were okay.

The sticks he put in my lobster
or whatever, right?

That's a funny joke, okay?
But this? Amazing.

-Amazing.
-[scattered applause]

-[Dave] Thank you.
-[Chris] Did you achieve crispiness, Dave?

I'm feeling really lucky that it happened.

-Is that kimchi jjigae?
-Yeah.

-You know I love kimchi jjigae.
-[Dave] I know.

Okay, okay.

-Okay, okay. I love it.
-Jeez.

Has he gotten more paranoid
and more anxiety-ridden in age?

-Yeah. It's gotten way worse.
-I'm worse, yeah.

[Andrew] But you know what though?
His heart's gotten bigger.

-He's sweeter than he's ever been.
-[Bobby] I am.

-[Andrew] He's gotten sweeter.
-[Bobby] Yeah.

-[Andrew] That's why he's my sweet prince.
-[Bobby] I'm his sweet prince.

[Andrew] My little prince gets
whatever he wants.

-This guy here, he's my boss man.
-That's right.

I do everything he says.
Tell me to do something, I'll do it.

Get up right now. Out of your chair.

-Do five jumping jacks. Right now.
-Okay.

One, two, three, four, five, very good.

-Sit down.
-Okay.

[laughter]

-What's this name again?
-Kimchi jjigae.

[Andrew] Kimchi jjigae. Kimchi jjigae.

-[Dave] Yes.
-Kimchi jjigae.

What's in this?

So this is, uh, a really rare kimchi.
It's from, again... We used it...

This is another leftover
from a couple episodes ago.

-Uh, when did we have the kimchi?
-[Chris] When Lily and Ashley were here.

-[Dave] Oh, yes.
-[Bobby] Oh, my God, it's very good.

-[Andrew] Big piece.
-[Dave] Um...

And we got kimchi from Corey Lee.

[Andrew] Mm-hmm.

-[Bobby] Where's that at?
-He's a good friend of ours.

One of the best chefs in the world.
In San Francisco, at San h* Won.

And, uh, all I did was add...
I cooked off some of the SPAM.

We actually had leftover SPAM.
We had some chicken andouille.

-[Andrew] This is chicken andouille?
-[Dave] Yes.

And, uh, some turkey bacon.

-[Andrew] Oh, yeah.
-[Dave] All leftover.

And just roasted that off,
added the kimchi, roasted that off,

added water, and that was it.

[Andrew] Wow.

-I'd like to tell you something.
-Sure.

About SPAM. Okay. And this is not funny.

-You don't have to raise your hand.
-Sorry.

This is not funny.
This is the true... This is true.

My favorite breakfast is eggs,
over hard, rice...

-Over hard?
-Yeah.

-No judging, no judging.
-...kimchi and SPAM.

I could eat that every day
for the rest of my life.

Over hard?

The egg over hard, what?

-[Chris] You don't like a runny yolk?
-Don't like runny yolks.

[Andrew] The problem with that is...

What's the problem?

You have a choice to make,
but that's the wrong choice.

[Chris] Andrew,
what is your preferred egg?

The problem is,
he's not up in time to eat breakfast.

He doesn't awake till post-noon,
so he doesn't really get breakfast.

He's so angry at me
for criticizing his egg.

You gotta eat it runny.

-[Bobby] Oh, you do?
-Yeah.

-[Bobby] That's where the nutrients are?
-[Dave] No.

It's just, it's like ordering
something well done.

-It's fine.
-[Bobby] Okay.

-You like the bloody meat?
-It doesn't have to be bloody.

But an egg yolk that's runny

is one of the most luxurious ways to eat.

It's an affordable way
to add luxury to do it.

-[Andrew] It is delicious.
-Okay.

-But you're just cooking it to oblivion.
-[Bobby] Okay.

-[Andrew] You do it your way.
-My bad, my bad.

-My bad. I'll do it differently next time.
-[laughter]

Help me out, man.
Everything I'm doing is wrong.

My breakfast, my ideal breakfast is...

-The baked-bean thing.
-Huh?

The baked beans.

-[in English accent] Beans on toast.
-Yeah, yeah.

-I like beans on toast.
-Tell him.

[in normal accent] About the what?

We were at the breakfast department,
and you told me to eat baked beans.

-What's happening?
-Say it out loud.

So one time, uh...

[Chris] Raise your hand.

-Good boy.
-[Chris] Bobby.

One time me and Andrew, we're at a resort.

Sometimes, we do that. You know?
We're doing very well in our lives,

and we go to a resort, that's all.

And they had a breakfast,
uh, a banquet hall.

[Dave] That's not gonna work.

And then he said,
"You should try baked beans,"

'cause in England,

they eat baked beans with... Right?
With the sausages and stuff.

-[Andrew] Yeah.
-And I'll tell you this, he was right.

-The baked beans is very nice.
-Mm-hmm.

-You don't like it?
-No, no.

-I think the UK...
-[Andrew] Beans on toast is so good.

-Uh-oh.
-If you had to rank the global cuisine,

-I don't care if the entire...
-Easy, easy.

-I'm going to say it.
-Careful!

In the world, the UK has probably
the lowest ranking for me,

-in terms of breakfast.
-[Andrew] Yeah.

-Okay.
-[Dave] Yeah.

Australia, one of their old colonies,
has one of the best breakfasts.

-Really? What do they have?
-Yeah.

If you send a prisoner somewhere,
they'll make... [indistinct]

You know what? I did a movie in Australia,
and I had a great time.

I loved it. That's not supposed to happen.

-It was not supposed to be that way. Um...
-It'll be okay.

-[Bobby] Zac Efron's on the movie.
-John Cena, Zac Efron.

-Anyway...
-[Dave] No big deal, no big deal.

-Big time.
-Um...

Box-office smash, but it was on Amazon,
so we don't know.

-But...
-[Dave] We don't talk about that here.

-[Andrew] We don't know.
-[Chris] Amazon, never heard of that.

[Andrew] Um, they sell books.

But what happened was,

for the first time in my life,
with John Cena, I ate kangaroo.

-Ever eaten kangaroo?
-I have.

-It's delicious.
-I've had wallaby.

-[Andrew] I don't know...
-Wallaby's like a tiny kangaroo.

-Tiny.
-[Andrew] They're too cute to eat. I...

Cuter, the more delicious they are.

-But I think if they're ugly...
-Oh, really?

-[Dave] I just made that sh*t up.
-Koala's delicious?

-No, no, no.
-[Dave] No.

-[Andrew] If it's ugly, it's good.
-A wallaby's like a tiny kangaroo.

[Bobby] Oh, really?

The uglier the animal,
the better the meat will be.

-Think about that. Cow is ugly-looking.
-They're not.

You're judging them by their weight.
I don't like that.

-They're cute.
-[Andrew] They're not.

[Bobby] If cute cows were small,
we wouldn't eat them.

-[Andrew] Yeah, you would.
-[Bobby] They'd be in the house.

I'm checking my notes.
I have no idea what you're doing.

-[Dave] Me? Neither do I.
-Yeah.

[Chris] Why are you making eggs now?

Because I was gonna put it
on his kimchi jjigae.

I'm trying to make Bobby happy.

He's clearly so unhappy right now.

No, I'm so grateful to be here.

-He's like, "This is a mistake."
-No, I love it.

[Chris laughs]

What was this sausage again in there?

-[Dave] Lap cheong.
-Lap cheong. What is that?

-[Dave] Chris Ying?
-[Chris] It's a Chinese pork sausage,

flavored with, like, rose water
and kind of like...

[Andrew] So it's sausage
that they marinate.

-Oh, that's deli... Man.
-It's so good.

So good. Lap cheong.

-Somebody write that down for me.
-[Chris] Bobby, would...

-Can I go to the store and buy lap cheong?
-[Dave] Yes, you can.

When I was talking to Andrew
about what he wanted to eat,

he described... He was a self-described
"upgraded white person"

-when it comes to his taste.
-He is the high white.

-[Chris] You'll grant him this?
-Yeah.

-What am I?
-A high white.

-High white, yeah.
-[Chris laughs]

-Some of us have to be.
-Elite.

-[Chris] He's an elite white.
-What did my elitist friend say?

Interesting you say that,
because I said, Bobby's gonna want

traditional Korean
and/or variations of Asian,

so I wanna give him what he wants.
That's what I said.

[Chris] I said, rice or noodles?

He said,
"Bobby's gonna be there, so noodles."

[Andrew] That's right.

But when I spoke to you, Bobby,
you said crispy rice.

-[Bobby] Why did you say noodles?
-What?

-Why did you say noodles?
-He asked me your nickname,

-and I think that...
-That's my nickname.

-That was weird crossover.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-I did say we could eat it.
-Yeah.

-No.
-My nickname is Slippery Noodle.

Try it with the yolk
and see if you like it.

[Dave] I wanted to make you rice
and noodles,

so the next dish I'm gonna make
is mapo tofu ramen.

-[Andrew] Mapo tofu ramen?
-[Bobby] I love mapo.

-[Dave] I know.
-[Andrew] I can't... This is...

-You know what mapo tofu is?
-No.

Chris Ying?

-Mapo tofu... Okay.
-[laughter]

Quintessential Szechuan dish.

-[Andrew] Okay, I love Szechuan.
-It means pockmarked, granny tofu.

[Andrew] It means...? Say that again slower.

-[Chris] Pockmarked, granny tofu...
-You, him, Bobby Tofu.

[Dave] Bobby Tofu.

-Bobby Tofu. Okay, great.
-[Chris] It means Slippery Noodle Tofu.

And it's basically a tofu
swimming in a chili sea

of ground meat and Szechuan peppercorns.

And Dave is making his,

using the leftover super-spicy,
super-tingly broth from last night.

-Okay, so let me be honest.
-[Chris] Yes.

I don't like tofu.
Will this change my mind?

-This is the one tofu dish...
-[Andrew] I will like it?

-Because you can't taste anything.
-[Andrew] Great.

-It could be braised cardboard, anything.
-And it'll still taste good?

-It'll still taste good.
-But why don't I like tofu? Tell me.

-[Chris] Uh...
-[laughter]

[Andrew] I've tried it a thousand times,
done it different ways,

and for some reason,
it never is it for me.

-[Chris] This might be the one.
-[Andrew] This might change me?

[Chris] 'Cause the tofu in this is sort of
a cooling raft in this red sea of spice.

-[Andrew] Okay, good.
-[Dave] Um...

I think there's a lot of bad tofu
in the world.

But tofu to me, is really, again,
it's got a lot of high protein,

and you add a coagulant
to really soy milk,

and it turns into tofu,
and it can be extremely delicious.

-Yes, Bobby?
-Bobby?

Sometimes, I go to Asanebo.
Have you heard of it?

That's Bobby
and Amba's brother's restaurant.

A sushi restaurant.
They have this homemade tofu.

It's a different texture than the tofu
that you'd get at a store.

-[Dave] Correct.
-What's the difference, Dave?

-Well, at Asanebo, it's $900.
-Yeah, that's true.

-No, the difference really is, it's...
-[Bobby coughing]

Like when you have
fresh-squeezed orange juice,

-you're like, "That tastes awesome."
-[Bobby] Yeah.

-It's really that.
-[Bobby] Ah.

It's one that's bespoke
and handmade for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's creamier, right?

-Do you ever make your own tofu, Dave?
-[Dave] I do.

I didn't today. Why? I'm bad at it.

-[Bobby] You're not good at making tofu?
-[Andrew] Is it hard to make?

No, it's not.

What, you have to press soy, ferment?

[Dave] Basically, juice.

You get soy milk and you add...
There's different types of coagulant

that binds the proteins together.

And that's how you get...

You can also get, like, soft or firm,
and you can have...

If you just, uh, cook soy milk
and you skim the top,

-you get yuba, the most nutrient dense.
-[Andrew] Yuba.

-Yuba.
-[Andrew] Yuba.

So instead of making something homemade,
tofu, I made you homemade noodles.

-[Andrew] Yes!
-[Bobby] Great, thank you.

[Andrew] How are we doing on the Internet?

[Bobby laughs]

[Bobby] Are we bombing?

-[Chris] No, no, absolutely not.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Internet is very engaged
with you guys.

-Um...
-We like them.

They're wondering if Dave has
moved you on the egg-cooking.

[Bobby] Can I be honest?

-What a delicious situation.
-[Dave] Yeah!

-Runny...
-[Dave] I wasn't trying to be a d*ck.

-I know.
-I wasn't. I'm just like...

But you have to also understand
that sometimes you go to a place

and they don't have
Dave Chang eggs, right?

It's been out and stuff like that,
so it tastes weird.

So I like to fry it a little bit more,
you know.

Dave, do you keep your eggs
in a fridge or out?

-America's the only country...
-Why do we do that?

-Everywhere else keeps their eggs out.
-You can't.

Once it's been refrigerated,
then you have to.

-Oh, right.
-[Chris] American eggs have a natural film

or eggs have a film on them
that protects them.

But American farms remove the film
'cause people don't like them.

[Andrew] There was a guy
in my old neighborhood

who had a garden,
and I ran into him one time.

He always had chickens,
and he gave me his eggs,

but he told me,
"Don't put them in the refrigerator."

[Chris] They haven't had the film removed
from them when they come out.

[Andrew] Yeah. And they were good eggs.

They were blue.

Why does some come blue? What is that?

Nothing. That's just some eggs are blue.

Nothing changes, in terms of the flavor.

-Nothing to do with the nutrient level?
-That's right.

[Chris] Uh, can you talk about
these noodles a bit that you made?

I know. And my fear is...

[Andrew] They look like Momofuku noodles.

I could have just served you
some of our own noodles,

but I knew Bobby would probably complain.

He would.

[Bobby] Uh-huh.

-You want more of this?
-[Bobby] I'm good.

-[Andrew] Let me deal you up.
-I'm done.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[Dave] No, I just took some flour...

-Here.
-Thank you.

And I added... I cooked, um...

-Good boy.
-[Bobby] Thank you.

I cooked some baking soda
at a high temperature...

Baking soda. I got baking soda.

[Dave] ...for about,
I don't know, 30 minutes or so.

That's a big piece.

And that removes,
I think a water molecule,

turns it into an alkaline salt

that gives these noodles
a higher gelatinization point

that allows the noodle to be in
a hotter broth without breaking down.

Let me do it, let me help. Let me help.

It's heavy. And before we go,
I'll just take one more.

-So would you say, David, as a chef...
-[Andrew] Thank you.

[coughs] Sorry.
I'm fine. Everything's fine.

You're a world-renowned chef.
You're still learning. Correct?

As comics, we still develop...
I'm just trying to...

-What is this, The Morning Show?
-[laughter]

Shut up. Shut up.

David, as you've gone through your career,
tell us the moments that you've learned...

-Shut up.
-I'm trying to fill the time!

-Well, he's doing fine. It's his show.
-An awkward silence. Fill the time!

-So, you know, Dave, you're still humble.
-So stupid.

-I don't know. Forget it.
-So dumb.

[Chris] No, it's good. I mean, we've got...

-Isn't that true, what I said?
-[Chris] Sure.

How about the most annoying version?
Who are some chefs that inspired you?

Oh, my God, give me a g*n.

-[Chris] What's your favorite joke?
-Yeah.

What are your favorite
top-three comedians?

-[Bobby] Okay.
-Bill Cosby.

-You're right, you're right, you're right.
-[laughter]

-[Chris] Bill Cosby was all three?
-He was, yeah.

-All right.
-[Andrew] My God, this looks good.

-This is the tofu... It's spicy?
-[Dave] Mapo tofu. It is spicy.

-[Andrew] I like spicy, baby.
-[Dave] Um...

So all I did here... The noodles, I shocked

because I think they were gonna overcook
if I didn't wash it off and cool it down,

uh, because I don't have everything ready.

This broth is chicken, garlic, ginger.

-[Chris] Doubanjiang.
-Doubanjiang,

which is a broad-bean fermented...
Spicy broad-bean paste, uh,

momo chili crunch, Szechuan peppers.

-[Chris] Star anise.
-Star anise, cinnamon.

I don't even know, a bunch of stuff.

Watch the episode from yesterday
and you can get the recipes.

-And, uh...
-[Andrew] Thank you.

And I basically took... I strained out
all the Szechuan peppercorns and chili...

-and made a broth.
-[Bobby] Wow, incredible.

-[Andrew] He paused before he spilled it.
-[Bobby] Yeah.

-[Andrew] That was hot.
-[Bobby] Too sexy almost.

If you were single, that's a move.

You wait, you go, and then I...
And then I put it together.

-And then you spill. Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.

[Andrew] And look at that. Just a little
spring onion in there, green onion.

What is that?

You think that, uh, you're gonna
maybe hook up tonight?

'Cause you're eating this
and someone's watching?

Well, well, well.

[Dave] What do you think
is gonna happen here, Bobby?

No!

[speaking over each other]

-Why are you so after this?
-[Bobby] We're best friends.

Yeah, but I don't want to kiss
in front of... We just met.

Thank you.
I didn't want to say you two guys.

-[Bobby] Okay.
-[Andrew] We will though.

-[Bobby] Yeah.
-[Andrew] Yeah, your whole life.

[Bobby] Thank you. Oh, my God. Amazing.

[Dave] Mapo tofu ramen.
I've never made it before.

-[Andrew] No way.
-[Dave] Never.

[Bobby] And the noodles are down here...
Oh, my God. Here we go.

[Chris] Internet says
this is the best episode by far.

-[Bobby] Oh, wow.
-Great job.

-[Dave] Because of Andrew.
-[Andrew] Who said that?

Because of Andrew.
The Internet here. "Mike From Here."

-Oh, Mike, Mike.
-[Chris] Your boy Mike.

"Mike From Here."

[Dave] Your...? Mike who works for you guys?

[laughter]

-[Andrew] That flavor is unbelievable.
-[Bobby] Great flavor.

-I'm gonna try the tofu.
-Yeah.

-I'm gonna try the tofu.
-[Dave] You can't taste it.

It's a textural element,
and it's got a lot of protein.

-Tofu is underrated.
-Tofu doesn't have a flavor.

-[Dave] No.
-Yes, sometimes, when I have it...

When I've had it, sometimes it does,
and it tastes, um, like sh*t.

[laughter]

I don't even know what it is.

-This is so good.
-It's so good.

So, what's the meat in this sauce?
What's in there?

This is burgers
from Tony Hale and Sam Richardson.

-We had a diner episode.
-[Andrew] It's awesome.

And we ground dry-aged beef,
chuck brisket and sirloin,

and we made patty melts
and put the rest in the freezer.

And you guys get the leftover.

-[Andrew] Is there a better noodle?
-Is there dessert?

-No.
-At the end or no?

-[Dave] That's pretty good.
-[Chris laughs]

-That's pretty good.
-[Bobby] Mmm.

-[Chris] They're asking about dessert.
-Ah!

[Andrew] Is there a better noodle
than a Momofuku noodle?

This is a big plug.

[Dave] You can get them
at your grocery store.

-[Andrew] You can get them everywhere.
-Everywhere.

Yesterday we did a good plug for,
uh, Stranger Things pizza.

-You can get that... Yeah.
-[Andrew] They have a pizza?

-[Chris] Surfer Boy Pizza.
-Wait, what is it?

-Stranger Things, it's all like...
-[Dave exclaims]

-Where are you going, Dave?
-[Chris] Where are you going?

[rustling noises]

There's no Stranger Things pizza.
We're out of Stranger Things pizza.

-[Chris] We have some in the back.
-[Dave] Doesn't matter.

-But I did make you guys something...
-[Bobby] Great.

-...for dessert.
-[Andrew] What is it?

[Bobby] What is it? Wow.

-Oh, it's burnt.
-Yeah.

-[Andrew] It's a cheese.
-It's Basque. It's a Basque cheesecake.

But I didn't follow a recipe.

I just put a bunch of ingredients
together this morning and, uh...

So you're saying
this is a canvas and you're just creating.

-That's right. You are my muse today.
-That's wonderful.

-Is this hot or is this served cold?
-It's served cold, but, you know,

knowing that Bobby was probably gonna
complain about getting leftovers

-and not having luxurious ingredients.
-[Bobby] Oh, my God.

-You got some of it?
-[Dave] Tell me I'm wrong, Bobby.

-It was the first thing you said.
-It was. To create conflict.

So that we can have a good time.
But my point... Right?

I love caviar, but at the end of the day...

May I tell you something, Mr. Chang?

-Yes.
-All right.

I've always loved you.
You've always been nice... No.

-I know. I love you.
-[Bobby] I'm saying something intimate.

-Okay, forget it.
-[Dave] No.

-I love you.
-I love you. Come here, Bobby.

-Let's hug it out.
-[Chris] Oh, boy.

You guys are going
in different directions.

-[laughter]
-This is very interesting.

This is very interesting.

-[Andrew] Chef?
-[Bobby] Oh, I'll go back there. Yeah.

[Andrew] Why don't you explain to us
what this dessert is, chef?

-[Dave] Bobby hasn't eaten anything.
-Well, you know, this is pasteurized milk

that you get from the Greenlands,
and only little people do it over there.

-And what I do is I...
-[Andrew] Switch.

-Okay, okay.
-That didn't work. That was dumb.

[Dave] Um...

Bobby, are you worried
that people are watching you eat?

I feel like you haven't really
consumed food.

-I am eating. What are you talking about?
-He's eating.

I'm a little nervous, so it's like
I'm trying to eat and, you know...

There's cameras and stuff. It's Netflix.

[Chris] But you were saying, Dave,
you were worried Bobby was gonna feel...

-[Andrew] Mind if I cut my own piece?
-Yeah.

-[Andrew] Thank you so much.
-[laughter]

-Mmm.
-[Chris] But he didn't garnish that.

Thank you.

Can I have a slice
and put that on there? Thank you.

-It's so good.
-So good.

Give him just the caviar.
He likes caviar so much.

-Give it to him.
-I like crème fraîche.

The best way to have caviar, right?
Crème fraîche, potato chip.

-What do you think?
-[Chris] Very nice way of having caviar.

Ironically, there is crème fraîche
in here as well.

-What was the thing I put in here?
-My mom calls it crème fraîchey.

-[Chris] Mascarpone.
-[Dave] Mascarpone.

[Andrew] Mascarpone,
that's from my people.

[Dave] There's a Ritz cr*cker... A crust
is usually not in a Basque cheesecake,

but I was like, "Screw it."

This is so good, man.

-[Chris] What is your favorite way...?
-This came out pretty good.

What is your favorite way
of eating caviar?

This is, to me, one of my favorite ways
is, uh, Époisses cheese,

which is a French, raw-milk cheese
that's washed in cognac and really stinky.

But if you cut off the top
and put caviar on it, it's delicious.

I think a cheesecake like this,
even though it's Basque cheesecake,

which again, everybody that visits Spain
goes on YouTube and says:

"I got a Basque cheesecake recipe."
It drives me f*cking crazy.

It's really a custard, right?

It's a wiggly custard.

I feel like it has the same texture
as Époisses cheese, this,

which is why I want
to serve it with caviar.

Amazing.

Except that this doesn't stink
as bad as Époisses cheese.

Why does it have a bad smell?

-It smells, uh...
-[Andrew] Footy?

Very, very...

It's like, it smells good in the way
that your own fart smells good to you,

-is how I would say.
-[Bobby] My fart don't good...

-[Andrew] No, they don't smell good.
-[Bobby] I don't like it.

[Chris] Okay. It smells the way
that I think your farts smell to me, then.

So, Dave, sometimes you go to a restaurant

and they go, "We have caviar,"
but they have different pricing?

So... 'Cause to me,
they all taste the same,

or am I just like...?
I don't know what I'm talking about?

-No...
-What's the difference? Really expensive?

There is a lot of quality in caviar.
I'm farthest from the expert.

But one of the biggest
distinguishing factors for sturgeon roe,

that's what caviar has to be,
is the quality of the mouth feel.

-It has to have a lot of bigger size.
-[Bobby] Yeah.

-[Dave] It's gonna sound... The ba*ls...
-[Andrew] The bigger the ba*ls are...

-You want bigger ba*ls in your mouth.
-[Dave] Yes.

Chef David Chang says,
"The bigger the ba*ls in your mouth,

the better they're gonna taste."

And how it feels on your palate.

So how do these big ba*ls feel
on your palate?

I swear to God,
that is not something I was trying to say.

-Oh, my God, that is so good.
-So good, man.

-It is so good.
-Cheesecake is my favorite dessert too.

-Listen, I really do wing these recipes.
-[Bobby] So good!

-[Dave] This is like crazy...
-Crazy good.

-He's bragging.
-[Dave] I'm not! I swear.

-[Andrew] "I don't know what I'm doing."
-[Bobby] I know.

-Liar. Brilliant.
-He drives me crazy.

-Just brilliant. It pisses me off.
-[Chris] It came off the paper?

It did come off the paper,
but I made it poorly 'cause I baked...

I won't explain,
but, um, I threw in ingredients

that don't normally go into cheesecake,

but I was hoping it would have that flavor

of more crème fraîche or sour cream
that you have on a blini with caviar.

-I intentionally made it not super sweet.
-[Bobby] Yeah.

[both] It's so good.

And I wanted to put a Ritz cr*cker
in there is because

it adds that savory...
I'm explaining too much, but...

No, Ritz does have that flavor.
So perfect. It's unbelievable.

-[Dave] Ritz crackers, super underrated.
-[Andrew] They are so good.

[Chris] It's a version
of what Bobby was saying.

You have the chip, you got the cheese.

That's what I'm getting, right, is what
I would normally get at a steakhouse,

but it's in dessert format.

And, Bobby, no one else got caviar.

You and Ike Barinholtz both got caviar.

Thank you.

[laughter]

All right.

-Uh...
-This guy. This guy's silly.

-[Dave] I think we're good.
-We're good?

[Chris] You've cooked everything
you said you would.

-Guys, thank you.
-[Bobby] An hour already?

-[Chris] Yeah.
-[Bobby] What's the time?

[Chris] 4:51 p.m.

-Music's playing.
-[Dave] Thank you, guys.

-Thank you so much for having us on.
-Thank you!

[applause]

So full. Yeah.

-We bombed.
-He hated it.

-You hate us?
-[Dave] No!

[theme music playing]

[inaudible dialogue]