01x23 - Dessert for Dinner

[bunniefuu]

Hi, everybody.
Chris Ying, Dave Chang here.

We are back with a new episode.

And listen, we know that sometimes
on the show dessert gets short shrift.

We run out of time.

-Shrift?
-"Shrift."

-It's a word.
-Okay.

We're gonna make it up
by bringing in a ringer.

The force of nature herself.

A hurricane of a human.

-Okay, first of all, no.
-The one and only...

Christina Tosi.

First of all,
I've watched what's happening here.

You're giving no time, no credit,
no consideration to dessert...

-That's why you're here.
-To do your job for you!

To even out all the episodes
where we've run out of time for dessert.

Dulcé Sloan is our first repeat guest.

Also, it's my girl's birthday.

-You ready for this?
-I'm gonna help out.

-You're gonna help out with this cake?
-Of all the years...

-Look, we got a little shoulder roll.
-I've never made a Milk Bar cake.

I'm good at eating them.

[Christina] We're gonna make
a birthday cake

that has classic Milk Bar rainbow-flats,

creamy, dreamy vanilla sponge.

And then we're gonna use
some dulce de leche elements

'cause, you know, her namesake.

-You're just going for it.
-[Chris] Measured zero times, cut once.

[Christina] You don't actually need
a beautiful round for the bottom.

You need a beautiful one for the top,

a pretty good-looking one for the middle,
and you can cobble together...

-Okay.
-Can you even put that much cake in?

When Dave gets nervous, he's like,
"I'll just do it with confidence."

So, what do you think?
Yeah, here he goes. God.

-[Dave] Really good.
-[Chris] No kidding.

Dulce de leche, babe.

So every cake at Milk Bar follows
the same formula.

It's cake, it's cake soak,
it's spreadable filling,

it's textural crème crunch,
another spreadable filling all over again.

[Dave] Christina's talking
about the moment she said:

"Hey, Dave,
this is the cake I wanna serve."

I was like,
it's missing frosting. It's naked.

[Christina] First of all, why "naked"?
Why is it naked?

-[Chris] Au naturel.
-[Dave] Au naturel.

Baking with Dudes
is what this show is called.

Good title.

-Into the freezer.
-Into the freezer.

-[Chris] Bye, friend.
-[Christina] Okay, bye.

[theme music playing]

[all cheering]

Welcome to Dinner Time Live.

I'm Christina Tosi of Milk Bar,

and I've been pulled in

for a little episode
we're calling "Dessert for Dinner."

I mean, come on.

Joined by none other
than my very good friend Chris Ying,

Voice of the Internet.

Get those questions in.

And the man that always complains
that there's too much dairy in my dessert.

[Chris] Well, I mean...

[Dulcé] Are you lactose?

I got a little touch of the lactose.

He drinks more Pepto-Bismol
than anybody I know.

-[Chris] Let's back to the show.
-Okay.

[Dulcé] They still sell Pepto-Bismol?

That guy is half, 50% Pepto-Bismol.

[Christina] Okay, also...
Okay. I started it, so...

The incomparable, hilarious, talented,

-breath-of-fresh-air Dulcé Sloan.
-Thank you.

[all cheering]

[Christina] And my brother,

and the sass attack of my life,
for good, for bad, for all the things.

Dave Chang, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here.

So happy you're here.

You are my sister,

and thank you for, like, allowing me
to not have to cook all the time.

[Christina] You got the night off.

When are you gonna bring me
on this show where you cook?

It's Dinner Time Live with David Chang.

When I'm here,
it's Dinner Time Live with Everybody Else.

If you are one of our better guests,
I just might get behind there.

Better? I'm the first person
you asked to come back.

-How can I get any better?
-[Christina] Thank you.

-What do you mean?
-"Better."

-What is she cutting into?
-What are you making?

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so, "Dulce"...

[Dulcé] Dulcé!

Wait, is it dulce de leche?

This is dulce de leche.

I like to give everyone a nickname,
and yours is already "Dulce."

Would you accept that?
Nicknames are the spice of life.

[Dulcé] I only allow a few people
to call me "Dulce."

-Is that a nickname people assign you?
-Sometimes people...

Should I keep workshopping?

Yeah. The second syllable is so difficult.

-Yeah, Dulcé.
-Dulcé.

This is a birthday cake that me
and the boys made earlier.

[Dave] Christina did not make.

-[Dulcé] What?
-[Christina] Okay.

-Watched us make.
-Scandal!

If it falls short of your expectations,
she cannot take any of the responsibility.

-Purely Chris Ying's.
-Aw, you're protecting me. It's all Chris.

Did y'all make the dulce de leche,
or is this from the can?

This is the squeeze packet.

Only because if you're gonna
make it from scratch,

you got to boil that sweetened
condensed milk down for hours.

We did it right before we went live.

But this is a birthday cake,
classic Milk Bar birthday cake,

but made for our girl Dulcé.

-I've had the Milk Bar birthday cake.
-What do you think?

It was amazing.

My friend Peggy, one of her friends
who has a lot of money,

got it for us one time, and I was like,
man, I don't even know this man.

He spent how much?
He gotta at least see the left one.

You can't let a stranger spend that much,
you don't let them see a titty.

That's crazy.

-This is delicious.
-Dessert brings out the best in people.

Okay, this is an appetizer.

-Appetizer?
-Yeah.

-Happy birthday.
-It was your birthday a few days ago.

Birthday-for-the-whole-month energy.

His birthday is in a few days,
that's a different month.

-This is your month.
-And my birthday is July 4th.

That's it. You're like a desert...?

[Dave] More important
than Independence Day.

Yeah, one of my friends
calls it "Indepen-Dulcé Day."

[Christina] Okay. Okay.

I was about to say something
inappropriate, and I stopped myself.

Was it the fact
that my ancestors were still enslaved?

-Was that the one?
-I was gonna say, "F it."

-Nah, bro.
-Okay, I'm gonna reel it in.

This is your beginning.

-I gotta tell you what you have coming.
-This cake is too strong, bro.

Okay, it's dessert.
It's dessert for dinner.

We're gonna do dessert
in all my favorite forms.

We're gonna drink dessert

in something that's kind of like
a morir soñando.

-Cuppa Creamsicle, frozen.
-Who's she?

Have you ever had
the Dominican Creamsicle drink?

-No, I've never had that.
-He brought this in himself.

-Wanna do it Lady and the tr*mp style?
-Yeah.

[Christina] Okay, you two.
Now I'm realizing my what job is...

-It made a weird suction.
-It's to keep...

You guys, I can't. I can't win.

-Keep it above. Come on.
-Keep it above.

Okay, so you're gonna drink dessert,

frozen, juicy, bright, fresh
Cuppa Creamsicle that's coming up next.

Skillet cookie,
'cause dessert fresh out of the oven

is just one of life's greatest gifts.

Skillet cookie.

-Am I drinking the butter?
-No, don't you worry.

I'm just getting ready to do...

She said "drinking,"
then I see butter in a bowl.

Okay, Creamsicle, Cuppa Creamsicle,
skillet cookie,

and then for me,

my favorite thing to eat
late at night right before I go to bed,

chocolate peanut butter crunch pie.

So you sh**t your blood sugar up
and then go down.

[Christina] A little protein boost.

I don't want people to think
that she's just saying that.

I've known her a long time.
We're literally like brother and sister.

She would have to hide from herself

or get people in her life
to hide the sugar in her house,

in her apartment,

because she's gonna eat it before bed.

Every day or two, I have a conversation
with myself where I'm like...

Shh.

And I'm like, I know, this is what I need.

It makes me happy. It's what fuels me.

Sugar fuels everybody.
Like, for instance, this right here.

Now y'all just think that I might be
having the Blackest moment ever.

-That's not what's going on.
-[Christina] Tell us.

So I saw this at a Korean restaurant
in San Jose, California.

They get a watermelon,

and they scoop everything out,
and then they mix soju with it,

and then put the juice back in.

And so I'm giving you, uh,
a Blasian beverage, apparently.

[Chris] How did we do?

This is amazing 'cause usually
guests don't request specific things.

And Dulcé asked for this drink.

Should we give her
the rest of her request?

-[Christina] You're back, Dulcé.
-Ice Spice? Is that who's here?

This is a big deal.
Uh-oh. I can't do that.

-Come on out!
-[laughter]

Ain't nobody...
That's the rest of my request.

Wait, you got real sugar and brown sugar?

This is my skillet cookie.

[Dulcé] So you got Caucasian sugar.

I gotta get my cookie ready
so that it bakes in the oven.

So I got melted butter, unsalted butter,
so you can control the salt later on.

A little mix of dark brown,
or light brown, and regular sugar.

Base of all great cookies, but this is
a good time to take a quick poll.

So this is a skillet cookie.
This is how you make a great cookie.

You need a mix of the two,

but I'm trying to decide
what flavor to make the cookie.

I brought chocolate chips
'cause it's classic,

but what...?

I don't think I've ever seen you make
a chocolate chip cookie.

I make it at home.
I just don't ever make it at work.

I've never seen anybody make
chocolate chip cookies.

-What?
-You just buy the dough.

People have jobs.

Can I ask a question?

What if your job is to make the dough?

Of course your job is to make the dough.

My job is to just feed these kids.

But not everybody likes
a chocolate chip cookie, so...

-[Dave] I have a question.
-Okay, here we go.

Um...

How much of the actual cookie dough
makes it into a cooked cookie

versus into your stomach?

When I'm making the dough,
I don't actually like to bake it.

I like to microwave it for, like...
First of all, also, the microwave...

If this was a dating game,
we'd know everything.

So simpatico.

Twenty years of knowing each other.

[Dulcé] Could be a friend game.

[Christina] It didn't have to go
all the way that far.

But...

You have eaten more raw cookie dough
in your life than eating a cooked cookie.

Okay, so wait a second.

They've been telling us...
Is this a lie parents told kids?

-[Christina] It's the flour, not the egg.
-What you mean?

The salmonella,
it's the flour, not the egg.

[Dulcé] There's salmonella in flour?

But now, they heat-treat flour
so that you can eat the dough.

They told us it was the egg.
It was the flour?

Probably back in the day it was the egg,

but now they have
all of these infrared scans

so they can tell you when the egg
has salmonella in it before they ship it.

Then it used to be the flour,
but now they heat-treat the flour.

We're going deep in baking, my friend.

-[Dulcé] What?
-[Christina] Okay.

I don't even know
what you guys are talking about.

This is actually the move.

You didn't know
you couldn't eat cookie dough?

I just tuned out. I was on another planet.

You don't listen to women.
Yada, yada, yada.

I like to eat fresh dough,
but this is actually my move.

You take a teacup,
you put your fresh cookie dough in it,

and you put it in that beautiful specimen
of an appliance over there, which is...

He gets all the credit
for loving the microwave

and making people love it,

but we have had
many a conversation about...

-It was an innovation.
-Microwave cakes?

We've been talking
about that for 20 years,

and everyone else has taken the credit.

Christina Tosi was the first apostle
of the microwave,

and she converted me many years ago.

I'm sure there was
some no-cooking woman in the '50s.

Who was feeling it just as hard.

[Dulcé] "Doris, you can make anything
in this thing.

You can cook the whole chicken, Doris.
A chicken!"

This is what I'm talking about.

Okay, so... But you microwave
the dough for, like, 15 seconds.

So that it's like it's half-baked,

but it's never all the way baked,
just for the chocolate chips to warm up.

So I need to know
what the spirit of your cookie...

Like, what's your cookie?

For me, the question is like
what's your dirty dessert secret...

in cookie form?

Dirty secret is what you eat
when no one's looking.

It's the dessert that you eat that,
like, makes you happy

and fills your soul
that no one else is around for.

Peanut butter on a warm brownie.

[Christina exclaims]
Peanut butter brownie?

Peanut butter brownie
right out of the oven?

So brownie... Or pop it in the microwave.

Pop it in the microwave for ten seconds,

but you put a wet paper towel on top
so you don't nuke the thing,

even for 15 seconds, 'cause it's crunchy.

You put just straight-up
peanut butter on it.

And I do enjoy organic,
'cause why do I need palm oil?

Who is she? I don't know what it is, so...

And we're k*lling
the orangutans to get it.

-So...
-[Christina] Stop.

-Yes!
-I did not know that.

Probably going in the jungle,
just taking all the monkeys houses, so...

[Chris] The orangutans are
hoarding the palm oil.

-You got to get it somehow.
-[Dulcé] Shut up!

[Christina] So...

Chocolate peanut butter is your...
First of all, I love that you...

My husband takes a jar of peanut butter...

-Doesn't think I'm watching... Hi, Will.
-[Dave] Hi, Will.

He will take that jar of peanut butter

and take a cookie
that I have in the cabinet,

and use it as a spoon
to eat the peanut butter.

What I've always wanted,
I love a peanut butter cookie,

but I've never seen chocolate chips
in a peanut butter cookie.

And when you do this at Milk Bar,
I want my cut.

Girl, I got you.

I got a Loaded PB Cookie coming out.

Wanna know what the secret
to any good cookie dough is?

-I think chocolate chip or otherwise...
-Where?

-[Dave] What?
-...milk powder.

-[Dulcé] Yo.
-One tablespoon.

-Milk powder.
-It's like the MSG for bakers.

-It makes it chewy.
-[Dave] I got a headache already.

-Stop it with the MSG propaganda.
-[Christina] Stop it. Stop it.

-I'm feeling more bloated.
-Okay, wait.

Dave, what kind of cookie person...?

I'm scared to ask,
what's your dirty dessert secret?

-Classic chocolate chip?
-A Biscoff cookie?

-I do love Biscoff.
-You look like you like Biscoff.

I know. But I don't think
they exist in the wild.

You can only find them on airplanes.

-Only Delta has the recipe.
-[Christina] I mean...

Are you a classic?

I'm more... You know, it just depends.

I'm more of an eating-a-sweet person
during, like, before service.

-I need the energy to get going.
-[Christina] It's your way up.

Yeah. Or sometimes when I have imbibed
or ingested other things at night,

then I get hungry for sugary things.

Well, what?
A classic chocolate chip cookie?

I've been drinking...
No. What I've been doing?

I've been drinking
my kids' chocolate milk.

Oh, you are...

I've been trying
to get chocolate milk on the menu,

-'cause I'm like, "It's a thing."
-[Dulcé] It's yours.

I know, but I have to, like,
lobby other people in a good way.

That's my snack. I'll just...

-Chocolate milk.
-Okay.

-Chocolate milk is so underrated.
-Okay.

I feel this, and I went to high school...

This is random,
I was talking to my sister.

And so every meal in high school,
we would have chocolate milk.

But my high school had, like, a nacho bar.

So every day at lunch,
nachos and chocolate milk.

Talking about it, like, if you said that
as an adult, you'd be like, "Ugh!"

When I was 16, it was like, "Amazing."

Just the situation, it didn't look crazy.

But if you saw somebody holding nachos
and chocolate milk,

you're like,
"What are they going through?"

-I...
-Rabid teenagers.

Wait, Dulce, I'm putting some... Hold on.

Here, the skillet cookie,
you're gonna be happy.

-[Dulcé] You turned into an Applebee's.
-Wait. I gotta do this.

I did. Girl, warm cookie.

I'm gonna give you guys
my microwave trick too.

♪ Ooh, let me see ♪

So you got it. Um...

-[Dulcé] Gotta teach this to my brother.
-My chocolate milk moment is,

I would get my mom to buy Nesquik,
and then I would put, like, four times

the amount of Nesquik
in a glass and fill...

Like drinking cold hot-chocolate.
No, it was like...

-[Dave] Tell the truth.
-How are you not round?

-Tell the truth. A lie.
-Not fair.

-[Dave] What she...
-This b*tch should be a sphere.

-You know what I'm saying?
-[laughter]

-[Dave] Dulcé...
-She should have no teeth...

What Christina used to do
was actually take the Nesquik,

-put it into her mouth, and then drink it.
-And just shake your head?

-[Dave] Yeah.
-[Dulcé] Like a apple-pie shot?

Skillet cookie. Now you see it.
It's going in the oven.

[Dulcé] Through the magic of television...

-No.
-No, we cook here.

Oh, sh*t. I thought...

Dulcé, that's the other shows
that say they're "cooking live."

-We're cooking here.
-Okay. I didn't...

-Listen, I thought...
-Guess you didn't pay attention.

No, we was cooking.
So many things to eat, I was overwhelmed.

[Christina] Okay, hold on.

I'd like to have some water.

Look at this, somebody gave me liquor.

[Christina] Your next drink is coming up.

-That's good. I gotta be honest.
-I live a magnificent life.

-Okay, wait a minute.
-Wait. You know what you need?

-You need peanut butter.
-Yeah, we do.

You get a peanut butter course,
which I'm so glad.

-[Dulcé] Peanut butter course? Shout-out.
-[Christina] Okay.

[Dulcé] Mm-mm-mm.

Shout-out to George Washington Carville.

[Christina] But just a little to the side.

Okay.

That's a brand-new course.
That's actually...

What do we call that?

-[Dulcé] An amuse-bouche.
-Your amuse-bouche.

-I don't speak French.
-Also, savory intermezzo.

I made sausage bread and pepperoni bread

because you go to the fancy restaurants
and they give you these boys.

They bring you all of the savory food,
one by one by one, and then...

-a palate cleanser.
-Be careful.

-I know, I'm gonna...
-You need less things.

No, there we go. I need a breathing hole.

-Wow, that is actually dangerous.
-[Dulcé] Medic!

So I brought you...

So I made a savory course,
but we're not there yet.

We're still going.

If you poured that over ice and handed it
to me, I'd have thrown something at you.

-This is the Cuppa Creamsicle.
-Dominican drink?

This is the... Creamsicle.
What's your favorite Good Humor bar?

-Strawberry shortcake. Of course.
-Strawberry shortcake? Okay.

-You, Dulce?
-Chocolate éclair.

Chocolate éclair... Either or,
chocolate éclair or strawberry shortcake.

Who made the Choco Taco?

-It's not in existence anymore.
-[Christina] Not anymore.

-It's not there.
-These kids don't do nothing right.

-Choco Taco is so good.
-Choco Taco was amazing.

Creamsicle. Also Flintstone Push Pop.

[Dulcé] The Push Pop.

-I saw it on Instagram.
-Gonna give you Push Pop energy.

We were kids drinking, eating desserts
out of a toilet paper tube,

-and nobody said anything about it.
-[Christina] Nobody said anything.

This is what I'm talking about.
It's sweetened condensed milk.

-[Dulcé] You need a bigger hole.
-I know.

You were making me nervous.

You're making me nervous.
What the hell do you mean?

-Oh, no. Oh, no.
-You gotta go full Terminator.

There we go, there we go. You guys.

Don't do that, Chris Ying.
Staying real quiet over there.

-[Chris] Dangerous.
-So sweet condensed milk.

[Dulcé] Is she crushing the can?
I gotta be nicer to this girl.

[Christina] Sweet condensed milk...
Stronger than I look.

[Chris] "Stone Cold" Steve Austin here.

-[Dulcé] You've done all this eating.
-It's true.

-You gonna start...?
-Sweet condensed milk.

-Do you wanna take it? A better voice?
-I don't know the words.

-A little bit.
-♪ Stronger ♪

I don't know.

Do you let your kids eat sugar
like you eat sugar?

I would say no,
but my husband would say yes.

-[Dulcé] Imitation vanilla extract?
-This isn't anything.

-So, like, the Milk Bar birthday cake...
-This is a nice plate.

This is the secret.

The secret that people don't tell you.

Like, dark vanilla extract goes
in a chocolate chip cookie.

It goes in a brownie, in peanut butter.

Clear vanilla extract is,
like, rainbow sherbet,

Flintstone Push Pop, like creamy,
dreamy, round vanilla energy.

It's different.

-Okay.
-Get with the program.

-[Christina] What do you think?
-Sounds like a lot.

-[Christina] It's too much.
-[blender whirring]

Okay, I'm gonna get cups.

[Dulcé] Like the drink at The Varsity.

[Dave] What's that?

An orange drink at The Varsity
called like an orange dream.

So this is like an Orange Julius...

-[Christina] Yes.
-...but not.

-[Dulcé] The orange drink at The Varsity.
-They will cease and desist you.

-They will?
-Do not mess with Orange Julius.

-I always said that...
-They will come.

I said, "This is like an Orange Julius."

This is like a Nectarine Jerome.

They will come for one of those boys.

-Okay, hold on. What?
-[Dave] Blame Chris here.

-[Chris] Christina...
-What do you got?

The Internet is wondering
if you have a dirty dessert secret.

Oh, my God, all of them.
Well, the microwave...

The microwave chocolate-chip cookie dough
is definitely one of them.

Gonna Hulk Smash this can.

I have a lot of them.

I like to microwave cake mix
with a little bit of a...

[Dave] True. All true.

[Christina] With a Diet Mountain Dew,
that's one of my dirty desserts.

I have a lot secrets.
Trying to think of what my current one is.

-You ever...?
-Oh!

I melt chocolate chips and peanut butter.

We have the same flavor palate.

And I make a late-night
chocolate peanut butter fudge.

I like to crush up pretzels and mix them
with melted white chocolate.

Like little Scooby Snacks
that happen late at night.

-Literally, Scooby Snacks.
-Scooby Snacks.

Scooby Snacks. Stop. It's so bad.

-[Dulcé] Your metabolism is amazing.
-She's a fierce runner.

-I like to move around.
-She better be. Sugar gonna catch up.

-Been saying that. It never does.
-She's outrunning it.

We've always joked that
she's gonna have diabetic booties.

It never happens.

-[Dulcé] She's got time, don't you worry.
-"She's got time."

"She's got time." I've got time.
Don't worry.

As soon as she sits down,
then it'll be like, "Dobby, got you!"

It's a concern, because it's insane
of how much sugar she consumes.

It is not natural.

-[Dulcé] Let me ask you.
-Tell me.

[Dulcé] Why are you pouring this
over squeezed oranges?

[Christina] I like the color, and I like
the flavor without it getting too...

-A question? She's a world-class chef.
-I understood one.

-I can't question somebody?
-No, you can't.

She's eating poor-people food at night.
Why can't I question sh*t?

[Christina] I'm eating real people food.

By the way, here's the thing
that fancy chefs have wrong...

-I got you, girl.
-[Dulcé] Foam.

-Foam.
-So much f*cking foam!

Everything doesn't need to be foam!

No, we just sometimes
take ourselves so seriously

in a way that we miss the fact that,
like, everyone's taste buds

are formed in the grocery store,
and that is a beautiful, brilliant place.

Mm! You ever made
that Steel Magnolia Cake?

-[Christina] No, what's that?
-The one Dolly Parton talked about.

-Oh, yeah.
-You've made that before.

-I mean, that has to happen.
-This is delicious.

So this is like we're warming up.

-Warming up.
-[Dulcé] You can make this at home.

It does taste like a...

Based on the true story
of something like an Orange Julius.

I told you, Nectarine Jerome.

-Referential without being literal.
-Let me see that. Imitation?

-Okay. Also, we use...
-[laughter]

[Christina] You know,
it's like liquor, straight.

-[Dulcé] Yeah.
-Get your nose in there.

Okay. 'Cause I've had imitation vanilla
and it's awful.

-This don't taste fake at all.
-It's so good!

-Hey, look, it's vitamin and vegetable.
-[laughter]

But it is a little bit like, uh, flavors
if you use them in the right way,

like just help contextual stuff.

-sh*t. You should have an ID to buy this.
-I know. That's the only thing...

Like, "Give me a spoonful,"
and I was like...

[Dulcé] This is 13% alcohol.

This is higher than beer.

Okay, next up,
chocolate peanut butter crunch pie.

I can't decide whether you'll be
into this or you'll hate it.

-I'll be into it. You said peanut butter.
-There's some crispy cereal.

-Chocolate peanut butter...
-[Dulcé] What's the generic term?

-Puffed rice cereal.
-Puffed rice cereal.

[Dulcé] 'Cause them three little elves
don't play neither.

-[Christina] They don't.
-They'll come for your whole life.

I toast the rice first.
Are you ready for this?

-This is coincidentally...
-[Dulcé] Coincidentally.

-...gluten-free vegan.
-[Dave] Ugh.

[Christina] I should have just waited
to tell you afterwards.

-I already judged this.
-I know you too well.

I saw the words "gluten-free"
on a bag of tortilla chips,

and I was so angry.

-I did not need to know that.
-There's never been gluten in corn.

Which lets me know we don't know
what we're talking about.

We have no clue.

"Tortilla chips are gluten-free."
In the beginning of life they were!

Isn't that the best part where
we don't know what we're talking about?

We're so passionate
about not knowing anything.

That's the beauty and the curse
of the human spirit, no?

That's why we have Chris Ying.
He's the Voice of the Internet.

"Dulce," where you going?
Where's your head?

[Dulcé] I just... It's so scary.

-[Dave] What's scary?
-To be willfully ignorant.

It's crazy. But also to have some,
but it's like,

you ever had your friends talk to you
about intermittent fasting?

[laughs] Yes!

[Dulcé] And you realize
they don't know what it is?

Then you're like, "My nutritionist
told me not to." "But you should try it."

I won't argue with you about something
you learned on the Internet.

We're always arguing with somebody

about something they just learned about
on the Internet.

-That will unlock their life.
-[Dulcé] Right!

Also, she's running from sugar.

She can intermittent-fast all day as long
as she keep doing a marathon.

That chocolate won't catch her
in the middle of the night.

It's not going to.
So you toast the rice cereal.

-[Dulcé] How do you know when it's done?
-[Christina] Smell it.

So much of baking is actually
the same mentality of savory cooking,

where there's ratios
that you have to live by

and you have to know the parameters to,

but if you give something more color,
it will give it more flavor.

My cousin, whenever she makes rice,
she toasts the rice before she boils it.

Which I didn't know you could cook rice
and then cook rice.

-Yeah.
-You know you could?

Did you know you can twice cook rice?

I know about the twice-baked potato,
but ain't know twice-cooked rice, did you?

I've done a lot of twice-cooked rice.

You know what's delicious?
Deep-frying rice.

-That's how you get them.
-That's air puffed.

It's a little different.
Same "same" different.

I had an ex who I only kept 'cause
I would make him Rice Krispie treats,

and, you know, other things.

But, hey, man, sometimes
you gotta keep your car fixed.

So...

Someone's gotta do it.

[Dulcé] Hey, you get a Pontiac
with 283,000 miles on it, leaking oil...

That's what I do
when I'm baking something in the oven.

If I don't smell it, I don't check to see
if it's done until I can smell it.

I know it's not done until I can smell it.

Is that how you do it?

[Christina] I didn't set a timer.
I know when it's gonna be done.

[Dave] I never used anything, no recipes.

-But you make it, you smell it.
-But you write cookbooks.

We wrote a cookbook recently
about not following recipes.

You do. You have to be in tune about it.

How did you fill pages with,
"Hey, man, I don't know"?

-Yeah.
-Every page was "follow your heart."

-That's it.
-[Christina] You have to be in tune.

That's the thesis of my life.
Follow your heart, thank you.

That's so funny.
What's the name of this cookbook?

How Not to Follow Recipes.

How do you write a cookbook...?
It's like the TV show about nothing.

Chocolate peanut butter crunch pie...

The crust and the top will be
in melted chocolate chips,

the classics, and some peanut butter.

How do you feel about white chocolate,
considering it's just cocoa butter?

I like white chocolate.
When it's gonna do some good work.

Like, in my little snack
of crushed-up pretzels late at night.

It's great. It's sweet.
It won't be real chocolate.

It's just sugar, cocoa butter and vanilla.

As long as you want, like,
sweet vanilla moment,

white chocolate chips,
white chocolate macadamia nut,

-that's a great combo.
-[Chris] We were wondering last week,

Christina and I were talking with Dave.

I know that you like
a macadamia white chocolate, Dulcé.

I have no idea
if you like it or not, Dave.

When he was like, "Dulcé is into that."
I was like, "That could be..."

-Like the cookie or a nut?
-You could just be disgusted.

-Macadamia nut covered in white chocolate.
-[Dulcé] The cookie.

Where do you find
a white chocolate macadamia nut?

-Everywhere!
-[Christina] Costco!

-[Dulcé] Everywhere. They're outside!
-I'm sorry.

-Insomnia Cookies, Soho House...
-Oh, you know everywhere you can get it.

[Dulcé] It's mostly Costco.

I just don't follow the macadamia nut
movement. I'm sorry, okay?

-You sound like my brother.
-Your brother must be awesome.

[Christina] This is a big deal.

I almost brought him,
but I didn't know where he was.

Uh, okay. So filling for chocolate
peanut butter crunch pie,

are you ready for this?
It's peanut butter, it's coconut oil.

[Dulcé] Tell more about that.

Coconut oil is going to give
your peanut butter moment...

just like more peanut butter.

[Dulcé] Right, right, right.

Butter will compete with it.

Butter is great, but butter competes
with peanut butter as an overall flavor.

Coconut oil is gonna help make it
a bit rounder, a bit more nutty,

um, and it gives you a nice mouth feel.

One of my friends had a joke.

Matthew Broussard. About how he uses
his coconut oil as a L.A. thermometer.

So he knows how hot it is
in his apartment,

depending on how solid
the coconut oil is in his house.

-Wow.
-Yes, oh, man. Confectioner...

-[Dulcé] Ooh, powdered sugar?
-Confectioner... It's the worst.

It's the best, you can't measure it
without making a mess.

[Dulcé] I was making something one time,
I didn't have any,

so I just put regular sugar in a bag
and just got a hammer.

We didn't have a food processor.

You call it 10X because
it's sugar ground down ten times.

[Dulcé] Is this Dixie Crystals?

This is... Actually, no,
it's whatever came in this little thing.

-So there's no brand loyalty.
-Yeah.

As long as
it's ground down ten times, it's fine.

-[Dulcé] Mm-hmm!
-[Dave laughs]

Uh, this kumquat gimmy is delicious.

[Christina] How are we feeling
over there, "Dulce"? Tell us.

Or you getting fancy?
It's not a Creamsicle anymore?

Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
I know the name we couldn't use.

Oh, oui, oui, oui, oui.
Got it, got it, got it.

Tosi, I think your necklace is tied
around your microphone in a way

that looks like you'll choke yourself.
There we go.

-You nervous?
-Did someone e-mail you?

Was that my mom? Did my mom write in?
"Save my baby!"

-"She looks in trouble!"
-"Save my baby!"

-[Dulcé] Can I mix some?
-Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah.
That's the confectioners' sugar.

It's a fold situation
so it doesn't get all over me, right?

Confectioners' sugar is funny that way.

A little salt and then we'll add
the toasted Rice Krispies last.

-[Dulcé] You saw my technique?
-[Dave] It's good.

How did you learn how to bake?

Self-taught?

My mother used to sell cakes,
which means I had to make cakes.

I don't know
if you ever had a Black parent, but...

[laughter]

I haven't, but I wanna know about yours.

Like, one year I had to make,
like, 17 sweet potato pies,

and I was making German chocolate cakes
and red velvet cakes.

My family has a red velvet cake recipe.

We got a piece of velvet passed down
from generation to generation

-that we shave off into each cake, so...
-[Christina] Legit?

No, that sounds crazy.
Why would we shave off...?

[Chris] No!

-The hell is wrong with y'all?
-That is not okay. FSQA standards.

I didn't have an electric mixer,
so I would have to... I'm too low.

I would have to use two forks
because I didn't have an electric mixer,

so I was doing box cake mixes
with no electric mixer.

So the strongest forearms of a 17-year-old
because I was hand-mixing cakes.

I'm worried about the coconut oil,
'cause this smells like coconut, though.

No, no. Whoa, wait, don't taste it yet

'cause the freaking, uh,
Rice Krispies have to go in.

-It still smells like coconut.
-Trust the process.

I'll pop it in the microwave
for one second.

When it hits your nostrils...

I mean, the smell of it, you can't...
It's like a hitchhiker.

[Christina] It's a hitch...

Culinary hitchhiker
to the peanut butter flavor.

Right, 'cause I had coconut milk
in a tea from Starbucks the other day,

and my brain was like,
it smells like coconut,

but it doesn't taste like coconut.
It was bugging me.

-Guys, it's happening.
-[Dulcé] What's happening?

-Are you ready for the skillet cookie?
-What's happening?!

-What's happening?
-Dulce...

-I'll need a cup of milk after this.
-I got you on milk.

-Chris, I got you Lactaid.
-[Chris] I'm always ready with my Lactaid.

-Okay, here's the skillet cookie.
-[Chris whoops]

It's like the best.
It happened so quickly...

-[Dave] You need ice cream, right?
-[Christina] You gotta have hot-cold.

[Dave] I got it.

If you're eating a warm cookie
out of the oven,

you better be making it into a sundae.
You guys have ice cream?

-[Dave] Do I?
-What do you got?

[laughter]

-[Dulcé] Not "Do I?" Come on, "Do I?"
-Oh, Lord.

What do you got?

Scoops Ahoy.

[Christina] Oh...

Tell me more!

Is that Scoops Ahoy from the show
Stranger Things on Netflix?

[Dave] Can you believe it?

So weird that I have a clip ready to show
of where that ice cream came from.

-It's totally coincidence.
-[Dave] This is USS Butterscotch.

Is who here?

Henderson. Henderson, he's back!

-He's back!
-You got the job!

I got the job! [imitates a trumpet] Hey!

[both making sound effects]

How many children are you friends with?

[Christina] All right, "Dulce."

Oh, my gosh.

-I say the same thing to Chris Ying.
-[Chris] They stole our handshake.

[Dulcé] "How many children are you
friends with?" Is that what you ask him?

-Oh, my gosh.
-I never had a skillet cookie at night.

And you never had USS Butterscotch flavor.

How do you feel about the name
USS Butterscotch, Dulce?

It seems like it's on brand.
Thank you, Netflix.

-Thank you, Netflix.
-Thanks, Netflix.

[Chris] My grandfather actually served
on the USS Butterscotch.

[Dulcé] Which side? [laughs]

[Christina] "Which side?"

-[laughter]
-All right, mama.

-All right, mama. For you.
-[Dulcé] Thank you.

-[Dave] That is funny.
-[Christina] Skillet cookie ala mode.

-[Dave] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-That's mine. That's mine.

-Chef, what do you need me to do?
-Just put it down.

-Let me mix it!
-Dulce wants to mix it.

It's really a family affair.

Are you going
to skillet cookie town, Dave?

[Dulcé] No, he just strained
a bunch of peppers.

This is a classic combination
with skillet cookies is piquillo peppers.

-Wait. What are you...?
-[Dulcé] You're a liar.

Why are you bringing peppers
into my kitchen?

-You need to eat more vegetables.
-No. No.

-Are you going savory?
-Yeah.

No, I gotta slice open my bread.
What are you making?

-[Dave] Well, listen.
-This is not part of the program, dude.

Well, my whole job here is
to mess everything up.

I was waiting... Dulcé, this is literally
what it's like to work with him regularly.

He pretends like
it's all going good and well,

and then he comes in for the sabotage.

It's so hot.

[laughter]

It's almost like it came out of the oven.

[Christina] Okay, wait, wait, wait.

I'm gonna slay...
Wait, you're going savory.

-I gotta go savory.
-[Dave] That is delicious.

[Christina] What do you think?

-Would you eat that late at night?
-Um, I'll eat this now.

It feels like a Dr. Seuss question,
"Would you eat it here and there?"

[Dulcé] "I would eat it anywhere."

-Hey, I went to school.
-[Dave] Well...

[Dulcé] It smells like coconut,
which is messing with me.

-Once it cools down...
-[Christina] We'll freeze it.

-We'll pop it in the freezer.
-You gotta taste it. It, actually...

You know, I did sneak the taste,

I was surprised at how much
peanut butter flavor gets

sort of elevated
because of the coconut flavor.

-[Dulcé] Interesting.
-Are you a gourmand now?

-I feel like that was...
-I'm trying to use big words here.

I am so impressed.

-[Dulcé] Affirmation.
-Are you gonna become a food writer?

[Dave] God, no.
We don't need more of those.

-[Dulcé] Man...
-I know how much you love food writers.

The barrier to entry to be
a journalist is... [exhales] nothing.

-Okay.
-[Chris] What are you...?

-What do you think you're doing there?
-[Dave] I don't know.

-What? This is not...
-[Dulcé] Is that cream cheese?

-It is.
-Taste this, then we'll decide whether to...

This is the crust,
chocolate and peanut butter melted down.

Just line a pie shell, you freeze it,

-then we'll freeze that while he...
-That went in there.

-He's trying to sabotage us.
-I am.

You'd think this was the crust,
but this is the filling.

-[Christina] That's the filling.
-[Dave] Um...

You know what? You can't tell the coconut.

You know there's something there,
but it doesn't taste like coconut. Crazy.

Because the peanut butter has
more energy than you think.

And then look at this, chef.

I made you some pepperoni bread.

-What are you doing? You gonna tell us?
-[Dave] I'm grating an onion.

[Dulcé] You're doing it too close
to the chocolate!

[Christina] Yes!

-Seriously.
-[Chris] Getting onion stink all over.

Don't let your onion stink on
our chocolate and the butter crunch pie.

This is another combination
with a skillet cookie, grated onion.

We're trying to teach the audience
about possible flavor combos.

-You're trying to narrow their world.
-You know what?

Onion is one of my favorite savory foods.
It's so sweet, like caramelized onions.

-[Dulcé] Caramelized onions are amazing.
-But...

Did I mix this thoroughly, chef?

[Christina] It's great.

Oh! That's one... I already said
it's one of my favorites, but...

I have a question, as a chef,
why y'all be hollering like that?

Because you have big energy coming in,
trying to get onion juice on your dessert.

Y'all act like
somebody won't swing on you.

-[Dave] What's wrong with onion juice?
-And sausage bread. Onions in there.

-What are you doing?
-Trying to eat that.

-Yeah, you can have some.
-Like, begrudgingly?

I don't know if I should trust you.
That's like...

Welcome to Dinner Time Live
with David Chang.

-This is pure chaos.
-[laughter]

We put our guests to work.

Dude, sausage, onion, and, like,
easy, can't-mess-it-up bread.

-[Dulcé gibbers]
-That's so good.

-Ah! Work the ear.
-Are you...? Okay.

-[Dave] Mm!
-[gibbers]

She works here. Perfect.

You give it to me, I'll shape her.

-[Dave] Ying, what are you gonna say?
-[Chris] Wondering what you're doing.

-[Christina] You look patchy.
-[Dave] Anybody that's watching,

have they watched
the last episode we did with Dulcé?

She mentioned something
that I would make for her.

-[Dulcé] I said so many words.
-I said so many words.

Do you remember, Dulcé, what you said?
Your favorite sandwich?

[Dulcé] Oh...

Oh, you're taking over
my savory intermezzo course?

-Yeah, you know, stay in your lane.
-[laughing] Stop.

[Chris] It's a cheese situation happening.

-[Dulcé] You making me pimiento cheese?!
-Yeah.

[Dulcé speaks indistinctly]

-Oh, my God.
-Okay, now, wait a minute.

So you smoothed down
till it was pie-shaped.

I smoothed down, pressed it down,

'cause there's enough peanut butter
and coconut oil there.

Pressed down, shaking together,
running over. Chris is in the audience.

Then take the rest
of the chocolate peanut butter

and just spread it on top.

And that's gonna be
the top shell of the pie.

Then it's gonna go back
in the freezer to set.

Then we slice and eat, baby.

It's chocolate peanut butter crunch pie,
chocolate chips, peanut butter,

coconut oil,
confectioners' sugar, salt, that's it.

[Chris] Tosi, are you Team Crunchy
or Team Smoothie?

I'm a smooth peanut butter girl.

But what I love about this pie... Uh-oh.

Is that my fall from grace?
Uh-oh. Are we not friends anymore?

-[Dulcé] You're still under consideration.
-Okay.

[Dulcé] We're still
in the beginning phases.

Okay, okay.

-It's conditional love, like my parents.
-[laughter]

-Wait, Dulce, are you crunchy?
-[Chris] Super crunchy.

[Dulcé] But there's smooth situations,

-then there's crunchy situations.
-Dulcé, listen.

-I love you, but it's your worst opinion.
-[Dulcé] There's two situations.

[Dave] There's no two situations
on peanut butter.

Why don't you just eat peanuts?

I love those too.

-That's not peanut butter.
-If I'm doing a sammy, I want crunchy.

But if I'm putting it in food,
I need smooth.

You're putting it...
Okay, like an ingredient?

-What are you smearing on your brownie?
-This is the thing, I like...

I do enjoy... Now, I haven't figured out
if I like smooth

or crunchy peanut butter on my brownie,
that I haven't figured out yet.

-'Cause I do love both.
-[Dave] No.

Wait, are you like a King Cone person,
where you like the crunchy peanuts

in the chocolate on the top
of your ice cream cone?

I'm trying to decide.

[Dulcé] I like ice cream in a bowl.
I don't like a cone.

-You don't like a cone?
-I don't like licking my arm.

I got kicked out of Cone Land
when I was a kid.

We used to go to the local ice-cream shop

or the Dairy Queen every Thursday
if we were, like, good.

[Dulcé] Mm-hmm.

I got to order a cone once or twice,

then it plopped on the ground
two times in a row,

and they were like, "You're done,"
and I've been a cup ever since.

-I like the cup.
-I don't miss it.

Been a cup my whole life
because I watched too many times on TV

where some kid licked a cone
and it fell on the ground.

I was like, "My mother would m*rder me."

So I was too afraid that that would happen
to me so I wouldn't get a cone.

And then anytime I got a cone,

I was always so scared
that I would drop it,

so I had to eat it sideways and be slow.

-"I don't enjoy this."
-The cone, it rushes you.

I like to eat halfway-melted ice cream.

The cone rushes you.
I don't like to be rushed.

[Dulcé] I don't eat ice cream often.
When I do, I wanna enjoy it.

-[Christina] Yes.
-You making me pimento cheese?

Wait, what's your ice cream flavor, Dulce?

Okay, I love...

You know
what my favorite flavor is? Vanilla.

-Because...
-[Christina] Classic vanilla?

-You can put whatever you want in it.
-I see.

Then I found out Black people weren't
allowed to eat vanilla ice cream.

[both] What?

[Dulcé] We weren't allowed to go
into ice cream shops to buy it,

so butter pecan got really popular
because we weren't allowed to eat.

-Y'all are exhausting, you understand?
-[laughter]

Does anything...? Anything?

-Ice cream? Really?
-[blender whirring]

-What are you doing, David Chang?
-[Dave] Sorry! Sorry!

I'll explain in a second what I'm doing.

-Okay, so...
-[Dulcé] I don't... This looks like...

That machine looks
like it separates blood samples.

[Dave] It does, it does.

So...

Dulcé, Black people were
denied vanilla ice cream

during Jim Crow every day except...

-[Dulcé] July 4th. Mm-hmm.
-July 4th.

-[Christina] Stop!
-[Dave] Wow.

America's wild.

[Chris] We're in a weird place, man.
What a weird place.

Also, we created Memorial Day
to thank Union soldiers.

So there was big mass graves,

and so people who were newly freed,
they would have mass graves for you.

They wouldn't individually bury them,
so we invented Memorial Day.

I... I'm amazed at the education
that's been dropped today.

-[Chris] It's outrageous.
-You're welcome.

-I mean...
-Shout-out to PBS.

[laughter]

-Donate to your local station.
-That's it.

[Chris] Is that on Netflix, though?

[Dulcé] PBS?

How the hell is PBS on Netflix?
What are you saying?

I'm a company man, trying to help out.

[Dulcé] I'm trying to help the children.

[laughter]

Dave, it is time for you
to explain finally what you were doing.

-All right. Pimento cheese, by the way...
-[Dulcé] Blessings.

...not invented in the South.

-Did you know where it was invented?
-By a Yankee?

-[Dave] New York City.
-Ew!

-What?!
-Yeah.

-Wanna hear something stupid?
-I made that sh*t up. No.

-Chris Ying, we need a fact check.
-[Chris] Extremely... Oh, wait.

-Maybe true.
-[Dave] It is true.

-[Dulcé] No!
-Yeah.

-No!
-Yeah.

[Dave] I know.

-Why, Jesus, why?!
-[laughter]

It might've been invented in the North,
but a Southerner perfected it.

-Right.
-A Southerner perfected it.

-[Dave] So...
-I fixed it.

Um, I love pimiento cheese.

What's this? Smells delicious.

-[Christina] I'm coming in hot after him.
-[Dulcé] What the f*ck is this?

-Sorry, can I...? What the f*ck is this?
-[Christina] Milk crumbs. Have some.

White chocolate-based milk powder.

They're like what I think
milk should taste like.

I think t*tties did a good job.

[laughter]

[Christina] They're the crumb
in your cake.

-But it's because...
-Is this milk you can chew?

[Dave] Yeah.

Seems like some space-age sh*t.
This is... [gasps] This is your foam!

-[Christina] This...
-[Dave] Um...

So I took cheddar, room-temp cream cheese...

A lot of times you see recipes,
uh, onion powder, garlic powder.

I put grated onion and minced
one small piece of garlic clove.

-You said no powder for you.
-I put a little...

No, I did put mustard powder in
and a little cayenne.

-I'm so smol.
-What's this bouillon about?

[Dave] I'm making a soup
with the piquillo peppers.

[Dulcé] I'm a baby.

I'm so sorry,
I had too much sugar. I'm an idiot.

I'm trying to keep my feet.

-[Chris] "I'm so smol."
-Wait, what are you gonna do?

Serving that with crackers,
or are you making a grilled cheese?

Of course. I'll do... Try to...

A few minutes left,
I'll try to do three courses.

-[Dulcé] Three courses of crackers?
-Do not try... No, no.

-I don't want to be shown up. No.
-[Chris] Tosi's leaving.

No. No. What are you making?

You have time to make another dish.

-I'm going to.
-Let's go.

I've got red velvet truffles.
Just made those.

I'm gonna make Dulcé a build-your-own
ice-cream sundae station.

-I'll make a grilled cheese sandwich.
-And for those that are watching,

vote who made the best one.

No. I can't believe you're trying
to take me down like that.

[Dulcé] Fight for my love!

Fight for my love!

-[Christina] That is not hospitable.
-Fight for my love!

I was joking about that coconut
with the peanut butter.

It's a terrible combination!

[Christina] I love you and hate you
so much right now.

I can't believe you're doing this.

Fine. I knew you. I was like, "He'll try
and dog me at the last minute."

-[Dulcé] Y'all are siblings. Got it.
-He'll try and dog me at the last minute.

-'Cause this is real. I'm not...
-Okay.

-The only thing that's not...
-Okay. I'm not even...

-Okay, fine.
-[Chris] They're competing to k*ll you.

Okay, fine.

If the cops can't get me,
they can't do it.

[Christina] Fine. We can do it that way.

-[Dulcé] What you sizzling it up?
-Keep the courses separate.

I don't want her thinking anything
that I gave to her belongs to you.

-You still talking?
-[Dulcé] I can see what's happening.

-Looks like you're in the weeds.
-No, I'm not.

-You want to talk less and work faster?
-I knew. I knew.

I knew. You're the worst.
You're the worst right now.

-[Dave] That's not nice to say.
-Can I have a new napkin, please?

[Christina] Fine. Fine.

-[Dave] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-[Christina] I need to borrow something.

-[Dave] No, no, no.
-I just need to borrow a bit.

-[Christina] Don't worry about it.
-No, no, no.

-Don't worry.
-[Dulcé] If only this was two single men.

[laughter]

You're like,
"This is getting weird real quick."

-Okay, okay.
-She took my mise en place.

-You're gonna go here.
-[Dulcé] Who's mise en...? Who is she?

-[Christina] Who is she?
-[Dave] Christina.

-[Dulcé] Mise en place!
-My... Our prep.

The food that I'm making.

[Dave] Typical Tosi.

[Chris] You've never taken
her mise en place before?

-Never!
-Never. Never.

-I've never taken her mise...
-Never, ever.

[Chris] You've never dipped
into the cookie crumbs?

-I have notes for the pimento cheese.
-Let's hear it.

It's the worst, right?

-I can say that the shred is too fine.
-[Christina gasps]

[Dave] I know.

[Christina] That was a bad decision, chef.
That's... Sorry for you.

-That must be hard.
-[Dulcé] The shred is too fine.

-I'm not... I'm sorry, continue.
-[Christina] It's hard for you.

[Dulcé] I do enjoy the flavor.

It's, I think,
because of the grated onion.

It's hitting me real hard.

Well, it needs to set,
it needs to chill out.

I didn't have time.
Pimento cheese got to set in the fridge.

Right.

People watching with no idea being like,
"No, no, no, I need to let it set."

[Dulcé] Your cr*cker choice...

Sorry, was that an excuse?
Did you hear an excuse?

-No.
-I heard an excuse.

But maybe that's just me.

[Dulcé] The grated onion wasn't
the greatest choice.

I think it needed to be...
No child left behind.

-[Dave] This is collusion?
-[Christina] Of course.

-This is collusion.
-[Dulcé] No, no, no.

-You and Tosi conspired?
-No way.

Don't put that on your sister.
This is all me going...

I'm not saying it's not good,
'cause I'm still eating it.

[Dave] You're saying it's not good.

[Dulcé] I didn't say that.
I gave notes. I didn't stop eating it.

We're going to wrap this up when I leave.

[Dave] I'm working on something.
I'm working on this.

[Chris] Where are you going?

-[Dave] Project X.
-[Dulcé] You got nine minutes.

-No, I know.
-[Chris] Let's go.

Okay, we're in the middle of a show.
Dulcé, hey, babe.

So I'm making you a grilled cheese
sandwich with pimento cheese.

-No! Actually, yeah. Let me... [laughs]
-Get out of here.

Dulcé, I've also created a build-your-own
ice-cream sundae dessert course.

I have potato chips. I have a warm,
freshly baked chocolate-chip cookie.

I have red velvet cake truffles.

[Chris] Dulcé, are you feeling a distinct,
like, mommy and daddy are fighting...?

[Dulcé] No, no, no. This is siblings
fighting for a parent's love.

-[Chris] Okay. This is what it is.
-And I can't wait to have kids.

It's gonna be fantastic.

I'm making you a pimento cheese
grilled-cheese sandwich

with my pepperoni bread and sausage bread,

but the great part about my idea...

[Dave] Mine's gonna be done before hers.

My idea is the shredded cheese
will be melted,

so it won't be so off-putting
the way that Dave's was, you know?

-[Dulcé] Interesting.
-Yeah, that's my idea.

Oh, what are you doing over there?

I feel like we're talking about
who's the better golfer.

Let me get you your ice cream.

Y'all got very competitive.
I see why you're successful.

We actually only work best
when we work together.

We don't work best
when we work against each other.

So, madam, I'd like to present to you
a scoop of ice cream.

-Okay.
-It's almost vanilla.

[Dave] Oh, no. The flame's so high.
I don't know what's happening there.

It's all this topping bar...
You better have not burnt this.

-[Dulcé] You better had not.
-That's what I'm trying to say.

-Don't blame the show. Not cool.
-Look at these gorgeous pinwheels.

-Oh, you burnt it a little bit.
-Look! I'm a giant cat.

[laughter]

People don't know
that I literally am a ninja in sabotage.

-He really is.
-Are you making a Frito pie?

-No.
-Wait, what was your most sabotage moment?

-I'm going to make an Ito pie.
-Thank you.

-Okay.
-[Chris] Named after Judge Lance Ito?

-[Dave] Named after Judge Lance Ito.
-Not Lance Ito getting mentioned.

Where is he
in Asian-American history month?

Ain't he a history vet?

Y'all ain't bringing up your boy?

He's a part of our history,
for better or worse.

-[Dulcé] Hey.
-[Dave] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

She's trying to screw with my temperature.

I thought it was my burner over here.

-Okay.
-[Dulcé] Ooh! I have alcohol.

-[Christina] Okay.
-[Chris laughs]

I have this...

I think we've just created
a new dating show.

[Christina] Beautiful.

You wanna have alcohol?

Dude, you don't wanna do that.

You're gonna make them soggy
if you microwave them.

What are you doing?

If you microwave Fritos, it's
a well-known fact, it makes them soggy.

-[Dulcé] Let him cook.
-[Christina] You can't do that.

[Chris] Christina, you put a scoop
of ice cream in front of Dulcé.

Is that just a cheap portion?

[Christina] No, it was for her own
build-your-ice-cream sidebar.

All right, that's enough!

'Cause she said... I want her
to feel seen, listened to.

[Chris] I missed all that
'cause you guys are so busy fighting.

Yeah, here's a pepperoni bread,
pimento cheese, ice cream...

Pimento cheese grilled-cheese sandwich.

I really feel like
you could beat Bobby Flay.

[laughter]

-Okay.
-Have you beat Bobby Flay, somebody?

-I love Bobby.
-Somebody.

I got chocolate peanut butter
crunch pie coming in hot.

-Oh, no, it looks like it's burning.
-I'm done with that.

-You sabotaged me, but I recovered.
-Oh, sh*t, mine is burning.

[laughter]

[Dulcé] Don't worry,
I like my grilled cheese dark-skinned.

[Dave] Thank you.

-[Dulcé] No light-skinned grilled cheese.
-[Christina] Okay.

Okay, Dave, what's happening?
How can I help?

-[Dave] I don't want your help.
-How can I help?

-That's steaming.
-I know.

-Is that burnt?
-No.

-[Dulcé] What is that?
-I took the rest of the piquillo peppers,

and I made a red pepper soup
so you can dip this pimento cheese in.

How do you feel about red pepper soup?
It's just so-so, right?

I don't know. I ain't I ate it yet.

It doesn't really go well
with, um, dessert. I don't think so.

[Chris] What is in the soup, Dave?
Just red peppers pureed?

[Christina] Water.

[Dulcé] You got a soup machine?
Is that what's happening over there?

On that blood thinner thing you got?

[Chris laughing] "That blood thinner..."

-Hey, that's pretty good!
-[laughter]

It's pretty good.

-I'm not gonna lie.
-You didn't wanna say it.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

It's less tomato soup...
That's actually a good idea.

[Dave] Thank you.

[Christina] But you know
what I think it goes best with?

The pepperoni and cheese
grilled-cheese sandwich.

-Okay.
-[Dulcé] Thanks for cutting my sandwich.

-[Christina] Oh, I really...
-[Dulcé] That's okay.

-I like to take it apart.
-[Chris] Chefs, five minutes remaining.

-[Dave] Here you go.
-[Chris] Five minutes left.

I'm at the moment of the show
where I'm going, "Freezer, set the pie."

[Chris] You have five minutes to work out
whatever's going on here.

-[Dulcé] Sibling rivalry.
-[Christina] Wait, Dave.

[Dulcé] That's the name of the show!

-Look at my pie. Look at this pie.
-I'm a producer.

-I was literally going to say...
-Suck it, Amazon.

No. This is your, um, pie for dessert?

This is my Ito pie.
I can't say the name of the company.

Okay. Okay. Oh, your Ito pie. We got it.

I'm picking up what you're putting down.

[Dulcé] If the chips don't fit,
you must acquit.

[laughter]

[Christina] Oh, my!

-Oh, my.
-[Chris] Forget it. Show's over.

Let's just k*ll the last four minutes.

[Dave] I promise you,
we did not rehearse any of this.

[Chris] It's not getting better
after that.

You don't think they're gonna know that
when they look at this pie?

-Oh, no.
-[Christina] Oh, my goodness.

Oh, you stole my plates. Okay. Okay.

-All right.
-[Dulcé] What the hell?

Dulce, red velvet, red truffle for you.
Mama, what do you think of the soup?

-This is very nice.
-How are you feeling?

-You have had many courses of dessert.
-What is nice?

-[Dulcé] Best soup!
-[Dave] Oh, the soup.

-Oh, I'm so happy to hear that.
-[Dulcé] This is the thing, though.

Somebody put this on the menu.
Pepperoni bread in the soup.

Oh, oh.
Oh, we need pepperoni bread, I think.

-[Dulcé] But here's the thing.
-That actually is really good.

-Ten out of ten, I would eat that.
-[Dulcé] f*ck that.

So here's pimento cheese,
on your pepperoni bread, in the soup.

-Look at you.
-[Dave] Can you move that garbage out?

-Don't touch my food. Don't touch my food.
-[Dulcé] Wow!

Don't touch my food.

Um, also, but the dessert,
the dessert is actually coming.

-[Dulcé] Spoon, glorious, spoon!
-[Christina] I'm on it.

-Wait, how about fork?
-[Dulcé] This is why people hate America.

[Chris] I'm keeping
this casserole right here.

-[Christina] Wait, I also want some.
-[Dave] My Ito pie?

-[Christina] I want some.
-♪ And I'm proud to be an American ♪

-Okay, okay.
-♪ Where at least I know I'm fat ♪

-[Christina] Yes!
-[laughter]

[Christina] Okay, and then...
Okay, okay, okay.

And I have alcohol.

-Kamsahamnida, Korea.
-[Dave] Oh, no.

Wait. No, this is it.
This is the fun part.

-[Dulcé] It's not set in the middle.
-Doesn't look ready.

-Anyway, we're done for the night.
-No, we have two minutes left.

-Don't eat it.
-[Chris] Absolutely not.

-Thank you, Chris Ying.
-[Dave] Come on. [indistinct]

-[Dulcé] Wow!
-That's right!

Wait. You melted pimento cheese
over all of the best snacks?

No one's done this before.
That's what we do here.

This is it. Listen, guys.
Chocolate peanut butter crunch pie.

[Dulcé] High people are gonna love that.

-[Dave] That's who we cook for.
-[Christina] That's who we cook for.

All right, here we go.

-[Dave] How's that pimento cheese now?
-[Dulcé] It's nice.

-[Dave] You see?
-[Christina] But, babe...

[Dulcé] I only recently found out you're
supposed to take a pie out of the pan.

[Christina] Always.
It's the best way to slice it.

-[Chris] Oh, my God.
-[Dave] Everybody, thanks for coming on.

[Christina] David Chang, you dirty dog.

David Chang, this is for me.
Quit being competitive with your sister.

-This is for our girl Dulcé Sloan.
-[Chris] You stop this.

[Christina] 'Cause you want to know what?
No matter what happens in savory courses,

you get a slice
of chocolate peanut butter crunch pie.

Just the rest of the day fades away.
You want a bite?

-If I have to.
-You're sweating a little bit.

-Don't be a hater.
-[Dave] I'm just telling the truth.

It's your show. Don't be a hater.
Eat your friend's pie.

-Men are wild.
-[Christina] Mama.

-For you when you're ready.
-♪ Love and blessings ♪

[Christina] Yeah, take it, it's definitely
not with a fork, just with a hand.

-[Dave] Come on.
-That's what I'm saying.

It's so good,
but it tastes second good to that.

No, it doesn't. Stop it, you're the worst.

Chocolate peanut butter...
You're the best and the worst.

-And I love you so much.
-Thank you for coming on the show.

-Dulcé.
-Thank you for having me!

[Christina] Dirty dog. You're a dirty dog.

I didn't think you was going to be able
to sit down the whole time.

And you didn't need to.

'Cause this was amazing.

We love having you. Thank you. Thank you.

All fun and games.

But seriously, who won?

[inaudible dialogue]

[theme music playing]