01x25 - Choose Your Own Adventure V3

[bunniefuu]

Hi, everybody. Chris Ying here
with this guy, David Chang.

We're back with another episode.

We're doing a choose-your-own-adventure.

Didn't come up with a menu.
Dave's gonna look in the fridge...

Let's be honest.
We had an episode last night,

don't have time to properly plan
a new one,

and this is simultaneously
my favorite kind of episode

and, like, gives me nightmares.

[laughs] Alternately terrifying and fun.

So tonight, Ms. Pat and Josh Peck,
two wonderfully funny comedians, actors.

-You're gonna make a menu right now.
-Yeah.

Based on leftovers from yesterday
and what's in the fridge.

This is real cooking.

And if you distill the show,
this is what we really wanted it to be.

All right, tell me what you're seeing.
I'm gonna tell you right off the bat.

Ms. Pat says no spicy.

Josh says he can handle it, but he doesn't
wanna sweat through his shirt on live TV.

We have a lot of garlic.
Gonna do something with garlic.

Look at this thing.

[laughs] This is ridiculous.

Let's just bring out all the veg.

[Chris]
Little baby turnips, corn, purple stuff.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Some leftover king crab claws.

-Ms. Pat loves seafood.
-This is from Jared, who went fishing.

Our executive producer Jared
caught this salmon.

This is how you know it's real.
I don't know what I'm gonna make.

Um...

Ms. Pat specifically requested
saffron rice.

Saffron rice.

I guess I'll make
some kind of seafood rice.

Something that's like...

New American, late '90s, early aughts,
Tom Colicchio style, Gramercy Tavern.

-[Chris] Yeah. Sweet spot.
-[Dave] This.

Here, here.

-[Chris] Throw microgreens on there?
-No.

-You got a dish going. [laughs]
-Wrong decade, dude.

You've seen the start of what this menu's
possibly gonna look like.

Next time you see him,

he's gonna be standing here
with Ms. Pat, Josh Peck, and improvising.

The reality is, let's be honest,
people just wanna eat avocado toast.

[laughs] We're gonna do
four courses of avocado toast.

-But on rye bread. Never been done before.
-[laughs]

Let's go.

[theme music playing]

Welcome back to Dinner Time Live.
I'm your host Dave Chang.

We got Chris Ying over here. Josh Peck.

Josh Peck. Ms. Pat.

-Thank you guys for joining us today.
-Hey, baby.

Um, you know, I feel like we've done

a couple choose-your-own-adventure
improvised dinners before,

and I think it may have a misunderstanding
that this isn't a special episode.

This is my favorite kind of episode.

And yeah, while it's leftovers.
We use some leftovers.

-[Pat] There's leftovers?
-I know. Sometimes we buy ingredients...

-[Pat] I don't eat leftovers.
-You're eating it right now.

[all laugh]

Good leftovers.

We make too much money
for leftovers, don't we, Josh?

-[Josh] It is a special episode, isn't it?
-[all] Yeah.

[Dave] You know, this is all
from the farmer's market.

[Pat] Is this Jo Koy's leftovers?
Is this what you're telling me?

We should all be so lucky
to get Jo Koy leftovers.

I'm not. I don't want nobody's leftovers.

I don't care
if it's Barack Obama leftovers.

I like my stuff fresh.

[all laughing]

That refrigerator say
you don't do leftover.

We got a lot of food, right?

And again, it's a misnomer.

We have ingredients, right?
And we're trying to make beautiful things.

And I showed up today around, what,
11:00 and opened up the fridge.

[Pat] How old is this wonton?

I cooked that today.

[Chris] It's not leftovers.
We saved the good stuff for you.

We didn't cook Jo Koy anything good.

Leftover give me childhood flashback
of being poor.

-f*ck Jo Koy. There.
-[all laughing]

-Someone needed to say it.
-I love you, Jo, but f*ck you.

Finally!

-No, he's a great person.
-[Dave] Um, no.

So we developed a menu with some
of the things that you guys like,

and hopefully, you'll find it delicious.

You started off with a salad.

It's not really a Chinese chicken salad,
but I fried some wontons.

We had some little gem lettuce,
a bunch of delicious vegetables.

Spent a lot of time on that,
and a miso vinaigrette.

And I have started...

[Pat] Mm-hm?

...what we're gonna call your next course,
which is a chicken soup.

I was supposed to make a chicken soup,

but we never got to it
for yesterday's guests.

And I made it today for you guys
from scratch with a brand new chicken.

[laughs]

-Brand-new chicken? Thank God for that.
-Brand-new chicken.

-Chris k*lled it yesterday.
-Yep. I like them k*lled quick.

[Dave] Um...

-And I made a tsukune.
-What's a tsukune?

-Tsukune is a Japanese... Sorry.
-You can't use these fancy words.

-[Josh] It's a running shoe.
-[Dave] It's a meatball.

But it's not a meatball.
It's like a meat stick.

-You'll see in a sec.
-It's like a chicken torpedo.

-It's a torpedo...
-Don't listen to him. [laughing]

It may taste a little not like chicken

because I put in some XO sauce
that overwhelmed.

I'm just being honest. I shouldn't
even tell you this. It's delicious.

And then we're gonna
get started on a salmon dish

that one of our producers
went salmon fishing in Alaska,

and brought us back some...

-Wasn't coho. What was it called?
-Coho silver salmon.

[Dave] Silver salmon.

Which I've never had before,

and I was talking a lot of crap
about coho salmon.

But I tasted it.
It's actually pretty delicious.

Can he catch some gold salmon
so we can take it to the pawn shop?

[all laughing]

Silver don't bring you a lot of money
at a pawn shop.

[Dave] So I'm gonna...

I reduced a whole bottle of vermouth
because we didn't have any white wine.

I made a beurre blanc sauce with this.

I'm gonna poach the salmon in that

with some roasted Tokyo turnips
and some oyster mushrooms.

Then we're gonna get
into something that you requested.

Not you requested, but I wanted to make.

Your favorite dish is what?

Food?

Chris? Did you make this up, Chris Ying?

[Chris]
Ms. Pat, stop throwing me under the bus.

I'm in menopause.
I can't remember what I said.

[all laughing]

[Chris] Me too.

You said saffron rice.

-Oh, saffron rice.
-[Dave] Yeah!

You know, that's Jesus rice.

[Dave] So I've been blooming the saffron.

-He got some money. Only rich people...
-[Josh] That's nice.

-I know people steal that out of Kroger.
-Yeah, saffron's a high-end herb.

I just wanted to show
that this isn't real "leftovers."

-This is brand-new food for you guys.
-We about to eat Jesus rice!

Oh, as Kanye say, "Jesus walks."

This is great.

-You ever had saffron rice?
-No.

-I don't know what I'm in for.
-Oh, my God, he's gonna give you t*tties.

-Too late, I used to be 300 pounds.
-[laughing]

[Josh] How long have you been rocking
the air fryer, Dave?

You know, listen, it's hot outside,
we fixed the a.c. in our studio today.

I didn't want to utilize the oven,

so we brought out the air fryer,
something you probably have been using.

I talked a lot of smack
about the air fryer,

but now that I have kids...

it, like, brings fried food
back from the dead.

-It do wonders on leftovers.
-It does wonders.

It's fun.

So I don't have a grill
and this is normally cooked over charcoal,

but I have these.

-[Pat] What's that?
-[Dave] That's the chicken meatballs.

[Pat] Mm-hm.

[Dave]
But I'm having a hard time with this...

It's not on the same wavelength.

When is Supreme...?
We need a redesign of the air fryer.

Because right now, aesthetically,
it's giving Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

George Foreman is working on that.

-Is he?
-Yes.

They said that at the DNC last night.

We need Sir Jony Ive.
Let's get started on this, all right?

[Pat] Who is Jony Ive?

He developed or designed the iPhone
and a lot of the Apple stuff.

We don't want none of that.
We'll have to have different cords.

[all laughing]

They make me sick. Every time they
make something new, it's a different cord.

We don't want no iPhone design.

-Mm-mm.
-[Dave] Um...

But I...

This isn't gonna be a paella
or anything like that,

but it's gonna look like it.

This is gonna be a saffron rice,

and I have some shallots,
some garlic, some jasmine rice.

-[Pat] Did you wash your hands?
-[Dave] I did wash my hands.

[Pat] I'm a Black mom. I have to ask that.

-Are you a bit of a germophobe?
-No.

I know when men
don't come out the bathroom...

-Not you.
-[all laughing]

I got boys, all right?

My son called me out for it the other day.

I was like,
why don't you be quiet in public?

-Exactly]
-[laughs]

Um, and I'm gonna add some lap cheong,
which, Chris Ying, is what?

Is a Chinese sausage.

Very fragrant, dried, preserved sausage.

[Pat]
You gonna mix the Chinese with Jesus?

[all laughing]

[Josh] The Chinese love Jesus, man.

[Chris] You got a bunch of stuff going.

Can you give us a tour
of what's happening?

Just for the record,

this is the most amount of food
I've ever cooked for any guest.

-Wow.
-We're out of stove space.

There's been what we call
mise en place all day long.

I wanted to make sure
you guys had the best meal possible.

-[sighs] I'm excited. I feel ready.
-I have a real question.

[Dave] Yes, ma'am.

Do you have anything
I can take leftovers with?

-[Dave] Yes, of course.
-Okay.

-[Josh] But Ms. Pat...
-Josh might be too bougie to ask,

but I'm gonna ask.

-If it's good, I'm gonna take it.
-No, I'm a leftover king.

I'll take it all, even if you're paying.

Let me pack this up. Someone will take it.

Ain't no someone. I'm gonna take it.

[Chris] Interesting move.

So Josh if someone
is treating you to a meal,

you will still move in for the leftovers.

Are we gonna leave it here?

Half a steak on a plate? Nuts.

Do you offer it
to the person treating first?

I will let them sort of decide,

but usually someone throwing around money,
they're too good for leftovers.

-Not this kid.
-This is how you know we're live.

I went out with Brian Grazer one time.
I took my leftover, he lost his mind.

[laughing]

At the Palm.

Famous producer Brian Grazer.

Famous producer Brian Grazer
took me out to the Palm.

I said, "Can I get my food to go?"

He said, "God, you eat leftovers?"
You don't?

You spent $60 for this salad.
It's going home with me.

[all laughing]

And he was like, "My wife eat leftovers."

If you ate leftovers,
your hair would lay down, Brian.

Dave, can I maybe make an assumption
about what just happened there?

[Dave] Yeah, what I was about to say
is this is really live cooking,

-and I made a bit of a mistake.
-[Pat] Uh-oh.

I wanted to have water boiling
so I could drop these noodles,

and when we went live,
I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Problem is, when you heat water up
for too long, it evaporates,

and there's no more water left in my pot.

So you were trying to get a little ahead,
and now we have fallen a little behind.

This is called sandbagging,
when you try to get ahead,

and it's not good
when it blows up in your face.

-[Pat] So the water boiled down.
-Yeah.

Don't worry. Add more water.

-That's what I'm doing.
-Baby, these Chinese wontons hitting.

You hear me?

[Josh] That really is...

A fresh-made wonton
can level up a salad beautifully.

-I ain't never had no fresh made wonton.
-It's a nice hack.

Well, all I did was deep fry them

because I was trying to figure out
some crunchy element,

and I love crunchy things in my salad.

Again, I don't love salads

unless there's other delicious things
in it that aren't...

-[Chris] Not salad.
-[Dave] Not salad.

[Josh] Like, are you a kale salad guy?

I just feel it's too healthy.

-You like kale, Ms. Pat?
-[Pat] Uh-huh, with turkey meat in it.

[Josh] Great.

I mean, kale...
I'm not the biggest kale fan.

They got this place in Atlanta
that make kale like collard greens.

And when I tell you it be hitting...
It ain't healthy, but it be hitting.

Well, thankfully, there's no kale today.

[Pat]
Oh, I didn't ask for kale. This is good.

This is yu choy, and...

[Pat] Yu choy? Let me see that.
That look like collard green.

-[Dave] Did you wash your hands, Ms. Pat?
-Uh-uh.

[all laughing]

This looks like a dead collard green.

That's what yu choi
translates to actually, right?

[Chris] Sure, sure.

Yu choi, okay.

[Dave] But it's a traditional...

Uh, like green that
you would get on wantan-men,

like wonton noodle soup,
which is my favorite.

This is not that.

This is really just
a chicken noodle soup and, um...

That's it right there. So all I did was
I boiled the chicken, and I made...

I clarified this broth,
and I'll give that to you.

-That silver salmon.
-[Pat] That got out of jail.

-[Dave] Yes.
-[Josh] Beautiful.

Yeah, going up. I like...

You know what, salmon's a fighter.

Of all the fish, it goes upstream.
Salmon has something to prove.

You ain't never met no catfish?
No, we still eating.

[Dave] So, what I did here is,
this is a lot of butter.

-[Pat] Do the butter. Do it.
-A lot of butter. A tub of butter.

-A pound and a half.
-What kind of butter?

I was going to say, good butter?
I don't eat government butter.

It's not.
It's unsalted, organic, whole milk butter.

And I reduced the vermouth.

I add a little vinegar
because it wasn't acidic enough.

Like a beurre blanc.

The inspiration of this dish
is a really poor version of a...

A restaurant called
Troisgros in Rouen, France,

and they have a salmon sorrel dish.

One of the most
important dishes ever made.

This is an homage
without using any of those ingredients.

I wanted to talk about it.

Cheesecake Factory has a miso salmon dish.

-Which is lovely.
-[Dave] What?

I'm just saying, we're comparing
our favorite salmon dishes.

Can you please not
talk about Cheesecake Factory

when we got a renowned chef here?

Listen...

Regular people cooking
Cheesecake Factory food.

-[Dave] Nothing wrong with it.
-It's like out of the freezer.

Have you not had an avocado egg roll
and said, "This is a nice time"?

And I've had a better one
from my drunk uncle.

[all laughing]

[Dave] I haven't been
to Cheesecake Factory in a long time.

[Pat] Me either. They never get it right.

-When's the last time?
-Yesterday.

Recently.

What's today...? No.

-Can your wife cook?
-Yeah.

Don't say it on camera,
if you gonna say something bad.

-Love you, baby. Yeah.
-[laughs]

-She's a vegan.
-[Dave] Whoa, how does that work out?

-It's good.
-Boiling vegetables.

-Air fry them.
-[Josh] It's good.

We do different Asian noodles stuff,
great salads and whatnot.

-She'll cook a steak.
-You eat ramen at 18 for a dollar?

Oh, I love that.

Yes, and I get
real creative with that too.

Have you ever done...?
You take the Top Ramen, right?

-Top Ramen? Excuse me? Momofuku.
-Momofuku ramen. Excuse me.

I take it all back.
You know, I come from nothing

Just saying.

And you do the ramen, right?
Drain the water.

Put the little sofrito pack.

The MSG b*mb there
with a little butter. Boom.

It's like a ramen carbonara.

Put an egg in it. They put egg and sauce.

-Make it a whole meal.
-Patent pending.

Can we just edit this out?

[all laughing]

What are you guys talking about?

Dave, catch us up.
You got a bunch of things happening.

-[Dave] Yeah.
-Catch us up on the stove.

[Dave] This is the saffron rice.

I toasted it in olive oil,
garlic, some shallots.

The pot of water that's not boiling,
still not boiling.

This is that, uh,
beurre blanc sauce, basically,

that I put the salmon in,
and it's gonna poach.

Hopefully this is gonna be done
in about 20 minutes.

Once done, I'm gonna
give you a chicken noodle soup,

served with a sidecar
of these chicken meatballs.

And am I missing anything?

-You've got your tsukune.
-[Dave] Tsukune.

That's right.

Tsukune?

[Chris] Ms. Pat, our Internet audience
at home is wondering

why you refer to saffron rice
as Jesus rice.

The saffron costs a lot of money.

That's why.

That's the only spice Jesus ever ate
when he walked on Earth.

-[Chris] Oh, okay.
-That's what the hood say.

I don't know how they know.

[Josh] Not a lemon pepper or oregano?

They said Jesus liked saffron.

So ever since Jesus put his stamp on it,
it's very expensive.

[Chris] Okay.

-Jesus was balling.
-That's... Huh?

[Chris] Jesus was balling.

Well, I'm quite sure saffron
was free for the Messiah.

[Chris] Ah.

So when regular people wanna eat it,
we got to pay to...

[coughs]

Don't put your hands on me.

[all laughing]

[Dave] Pat, you're gonna k*ll me.

He wasn't gonna help my big-a*s out.

What the hell is he gonna do?

-It's all for the camera.
-It already slipped down my throat.

[Chris] Josh, were you really
trying to help, or just for show?

-[Josh] No. I...
-He was trying to feel on my back titty.

[all laugh]

And it was lovely, guys.
And I'm sorry, honey.

-Paige, my wife.
-[Dave] That was very funny.

-[coughs]
-[Josh laughs]

-You okay there?
-[Pat] Yeah. Sometimes I eat fast.

I had weight loss surgery
that stopped working, so...

[Josh] What about the Ozemps?
Do we dabble in the Ozemps?

No, Ozempic didn't help me.

I tried, but it just made me keep eating.

-I'm tempted.
-You gonna take the salad away?

I read something where you're like...
Sort of crap.

You lose all this weight,
and then they come out with this drug?

It's true. Yeah.
Well, yeah, I lost a lot of...

-You exercise or you had help?
-I exercise, the old-fashioned way.

-Oh, no.
-I know.

Sometimes I look at my phone,
I do 20, 30,000 steps a day.

-Like, "It's dark in here."
-You running from the police?

Close. The police of the mind.

My terrible thoughts.

-God.
-She took my fork.

-Here, we got...
-Right.

-We got a drawer of forks. I forgot.
-They're ready with anything.

[Chris] So, Ms. Pat,
you asked Josh if his wife cooks.

-Does your husband cook at home?
-[Pat] My husband can burn.

[Chris laughs] He can burn?

Yeah, that's a hood way
of saying he can cook.

My husband can cook. Now, me?

Nah, nah.

[Josh] What?
You said you were cooking recently.

I made a collard green dish,
getting ready for Thanksgiving.

I'm trying to learn how to do a...

If you got a good
Black people dressing, you should...

Recipe, give it to me.

[Dave] Um... do we have one?

Do I have a Black people dressing recipe?

-[Josh] It's in your new cookbook, right?
-[Dave] Yes.

[all laughing]

Gimme. You want some, Ms. Pat?

Don't be uncomfortable.

[Chris] 101 Black People Dressing
Recipes by David Chang.

[all laughing]

"Ms. Pat, I don't have a Black people
chicken dressing recipe."

Mmm! Okay.

So you got the wonton.
It's the wonton noodle soup without...

It's just noodles
with some poached chicken breast.

Chicken meatball, and I made a tare,
so I took all the fat,

the schmaltz from the chicken,

skimmed it off with the garlic
that I boiled the chicken with,

and I added some sugar, mirin, and soy,

and I reduced that down,
and I glazed that meatball.

Man, when I tell you
this thing is banging...

That's k*ller.

-Oh!
-That schmaltz.

-Jewish penicillin.
-I ain't had no noodles in a long time.

-[Dave] Everybody loves chicken soup.
-We do have enough to feed the help?

[Dave] Yeah, if you wanna feed people.

I got my hairstylist here, told him
we're gonna eat, and we ain't ate all day.

-[Dave] We're happy to feed them.
-Okay.

Y'all going to get something
right after the cameras go off.

[all laughing]

[Josh] Not now.

Not now.

[Pat] My driver too.

We can't put you in the episode,
but it's coming, and it's good.

It's good.

-Give me your cell phone number.
-[Dave] Okay, done.

-Let's give it out right now.
-[all laughing]

-I would love to be on that group chat.
-[all laughing]

[Dave]
Let's start a giant group chat, Ms. Pat.

Baby, this ain't them dollar noodles.

This is some... Wow, this is transcendent.

-[Dave] Like Top Ramen, right?
-No, this is transcendent.

I thought you said transsexual.

-I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
-It appeals to everyone.

-This is... Yeah, this is gorgeous.
-This is transcend... What?

[Josh] Transcendent.

-[Chris] It's transsensual.
-[Pat] This is transsensual.

He scared me for a minute.

Is this crazy
if I did a bit of this in it?

-[Dave] Not at all.
-Is that nuts?

-What?
-A little lime?

That's your food. Don't put that here.

[Chris] Where did you get a lime?
Did you bring that from home?

[Josh] I bring them. I'm well-equipped.
I have a lot to offer.

When you took a bite of the chicken,
it was fresh out of the air fryer.

Like, you blew smoke out like a dragon.

Do you feel nothing?

Again, we talked about it yesterday.

I'm actually a mutant
and my one superpower

is I can put very hot foods in my mouth.

-[laughs]
-Wow.

You never get like a little,
I don't know, a mouth ulcer?

-That's every day.
-[Chris] Superpower.

He's on that X-Men C-Team, just when they
really scrape the bottom of the barrel.

-Hot Food Guy.
-[Pat] What'd you say that was again?

[Dave] Tsukune, which is a...

I'm just gonna stop.

Not use Japanese.
It's just ground chicken.

-And I put some chives, garlic, ginger.
-[Pat] Tell me about that later.

-This is so good.
-I didn't have...

-Think they'll like this at Thanksgiving?
-Yeah.

I didn't put any panko.

We didn't have any,
didn't wanna put Italian...

I had some Italian breadcrumbs
and I didn't wanna do that

'cause I didn't want oregano seasoning,
I love Italian breadcrumbs.

So I just took some Ritz Crackers
and I crushed it and put that in there.

-Baby, this...
-Ritz cr*cker, vegan.

-Who would've thought? They're so buttery.
-Really?

Fun facts, Ms. Pat.

Anyway...

[all laughing]

-[Dave] And then...
-I hate vegans.

-You a vegan?
-No, clearly not.

[Chris] The saffron rice situation,
which has now gotten a seafood upgrade.

-[Dave] Yes.
-You put lobster in Jesus rice?

[Dave]No.

One up to you on that, it's king crab.

King crab?

But again, you're not too excited,
'cause this is just leftovers.

[all laughing]

sh*t me.

You just took Jesus up a notch.

-Wow.
-[Dave] So I've never cooked this before.

Honestly, this is what it is,
an improvised show.

I'm cooking this and hoping, number one,
the rice is cooked through.

Number two, I don't know if the scallops
or the shrimp are cooked through.

So this is really happening.

[Pat] Okay.

So sometimes it's just like
I'm hoping that it comes out.

[Josh] And what...? How come...?
I mean, you're such an artist.

Like how confident are you if it's not
all ready by the time you want it to be

that you can adjust or pivot?

-No way. We've crossed the Rubicon.
-There's no pivot?

[all laughing]

-[Dave] There's no way.
-[Josh] Past pivot.

I mean, yeah. Here's the deal.

I like to cook rice
in an enclosed environment,

rice cooker, pot, donabe,
something like that.

This is something that would be
much more, I would say, in Spain.

It's not a paella.

I don't wanna disrespect paella,
but I don't cook that stuff that often.

I don't even cook risotto that much.

-So I'm hoping that...
-[Pat] I don't like risotto.

-[Josh] What's your gripe with risotto?
-[Pat] They're too hard.

-[Chris] Oh, yeah, she's the chosen one.
-[Josh] Wow.

-You passed the test, Ms. Pat. Yeah.
-Really?

I ain't into all that fancy sh*t,
but that's for people like you.

I like to be... I ain't got no back teeth.
I need everything to be soft.

[Dave] Um... No. The reason why I don't...

I like risotto plenty enough,
even though I do...

I have historically made fun
of the "al dente-ness" of it all.

The hardness. Um...

I... Again, I just like
my rice cooked through.

-That's just me.
-[Josh] Right.

[Pat] You a long grain man?
-[Dave] Mm-mm.

Coming up in a Black household,
if you don't cook your rice

or grits all the way through,
like back in the day,

you were beat up by your
sister-in-law or your mother-in-law?

Sorry?

[all laugh]

-[Pat] Never heard of that?
-No.

-[Pat] Yeah.
-[Josh] Say more, Ms. Pat.

[Pat] So, like, we didn't like...

My mama didn't like people
who cook hard grits.

If you made your grits or your rice wrong,
it'd cause a fight in the Black community.

[pan sizzling]

What you boiling? What you frying?

-[Dave] These are some turnips.
-[Pat] Okay.

And I got to be honest, I'm really
excited I didn't start a fire right there.

-[Chris] That pan is hot.
-[Josh] You've not had a fire on the show?

[Chris] Not an accidental fire, yet.

-Not yet, but we're prepared.
-Get close?

We've had some
near death experiences here.

[Josh]
That'd be fun, I'm great in an emergency.

-[Chris] Great in an emergency?
-Yes.

[Dave] What would you do
if I start a fire?

-A "fire" fire?
-Yeah.

I would've saved Ms. Pat.

There you go.

-[all laughing
-Go for the most famous person.

I have on a wig,
and I was gonna save myself.

You wasn't gonna burn my hair up.

-[Dave] "I would save Ms. Pat."
-[all laughing]

The crazy part is he can't even lift me.

[all laughing]

I'd probably be saving him.

Um, so this may not look like much,
but I have to say,

if you haven't had a turnip of late,
you should taste a turnip.

It's one of my favorite...

This is my most favorite vegetable
to cook and to eat.

[Pat] Turnips are bitter.

[Dave] Excuse me?

-Turnips are bitter.
-[Dave] Bitter?

You haven't tried this one yet.

Wow.

-You ain't got no meat over there.
-Don't worry about it.

-It will be good.
-Very suspicious of the turnip.

You got the ends. That's the nasty part.
You got the buds.

-[Dave] Tough audience.
-[Josh] They look like little Pokémon.

[Pat]
That's the part we throw in the trash.

-[Chris] You're anti little turnip butts?
-[Pat] Yeah.

We don't eat the butts off the turnips.

To me, I spent a lot of
time cleaning these butts.

[all laughing]

I did. I spent a lot of time...

Had you called me,
I'd have told you put that in the trash.

I spent a lot of time cleaning them,
taking all the dirt out.

-You don't have to eat it.
-[Pat] I'll taste it.

I'm gonna be honest.
I'm a Christian. I do not lie.

I'm all in on the turnip lobby.

I love that you're trying
to get turnips bigger.

Of course you are.

-[Josh] Yes, absolutely. Big turnip money.
-Our big sponsor.

You eating out the pot?

I took a new spoon.

-I don't put it back, Ms. Pat.
-[all laughing]

[Josh] Ms. Pat, if you are cooking just
for yourself, what would you eat?

What do you like to make?

-I like the drive-through.
-Me too. I love it.

[Chris] What's your husband's specialty?

My husband made a meatloaf the other day.
It was so good.

What is that? That look like hog maws.

-Do you know what hog maws is?
-[Dave] No.

Mushrooms. Do you like mushrooms?

[Pat]
I like mushrooms. That look like hog maws.

[Dave] I don't know what that is.

The pig, right there on the hip
or the a*s, that wrinkled part.

-You mean the tail?
-I don't know.

-[Chris] Hog maw.
-[Dave] What's that?

I have hog maw.
The wrinkle part right here?

-It's right there on the a*s.
-I've got some of that.

It's really good if you cook it right.

[Chris] Hog maw? What? What?

-I mean, I can't...
-[Dave] I know a fish maw.

-I've never heard of a hog maw.
-Hog maw. Am I right, Trent?

The hog maw is a piece
that hangs off the pig's a*s?

It's a part of the back of the a*s.
Want me to...

-She Black. She know what a hog maw is.
-[woman 1] It's cellulite.

It's good with hot sauce.

Hog maw, it's part of the stomach.

-Is it the stomach or the a*s?
-[woman 2] I thought it was testicles.

Oh, I've been eating nuts?!

-I don't think it's the nuts.
-It's the testicles?

-I don't think it's the testicles.
-Someone call Google or ChatGPT.

I know damn well my mama was not buying
no testicles with her food stamps.

I believe it to be the stomach.

I don't think it's the ba*ls or something
hanging off the a*s of the pig.

They wrinkled like the ba*ls.

Uh, okay.

If you want me to cook hog maw,
I'm happy to cook hog maw for you.

-Can we get some hog maw right now?
-[Pat] No! [laughing]

You wish... Whatever you wish,
I'm gonna make happen.

Someone get the hog maw now. Please.

You mean to tell me... Oh, my God.

-I'm so glad my life changed.
-How's our salmon doing, Chang?

[Pat] I gotta find out what it is now.

[Josh] Are those chanterelles?

What kind of mushroom we working with?

Um, these are not chanterelles.

These are hon-shimeji
and oyster mushrooms.

[Pat] Got a mushroom called chanterelle?
I know somebody named Chanterelle.

[Josh] It's a nice name.

[Dave]
Chanterelle mushrooms are really nice.

I don't know
if they're in season right now.

[Chris] I don't...

[Dave] Moving out here screwed up
all my idea of what's in season.

Where are you from?

Born and raised in Virginia,

but I spent 20-plus years
in New York City.

-Oh, and now you're in L.A.
-Now I'm in L.A.

What do we think? How do we like?

-I enjoy it.
-Same here.

The man is on camera.
He can't tell the truth.

It's true. I get it.

Do you miss New York?

I miss parts of it, but it's in my blood,
like I'll never get away from New York

but it's a nice life here.

I don't like New York.
Y'all rats wear outfits.

[all laugh]

[Josh] They're big.

We had a rat czar in New York,
Eric Adams appointed a rat czar.

I'm not sure they've made progress.

-They were trying to catch them?
-Yeah.

[Chris]
Oh my God. From hog maws to rat czars.

This is a real special episode
of Dinner Time Live.

[Josh] Enjoy, real foodies.

I really wanna know what a hog maw is,
because we ate it my whole childhood.

[Dave]
Are you feeling like you were lied to?

What if it was something that
you now don't want to eat?

-What if it was a testicle?
-[Dave] Yeah.

I know why I don't eat them now, then.

[all laughing]

All this time, it was flashbacks.

I didn't know it.

I've been married 31 years,
so I'm quite sure his look like hog maws.

-Chef, can I add some of this?
-Yeah, please.

-Do what you wanna do. That's your food.
-But I'm in front of the guy.

This is his product.

The man is in supermarkets.

-I don't eat chili.
-This is chili crunch. It's good.

The thing we did, Ms. Pat,
was to make sure that nothing was spicy.

-[Pat] Good.
-Her tastes superseded yours, Josh.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-When we had to index the menu today...
-I get it.

The reason is, Josh, you eat everything.

-[Josh] I do.
-[Dave] It would be easier.

We wanted to make sure there was no spice.

I was gonna actually put
some chorizo in here,

but I cooked some off earlier
and it's too spicy, so we took it out.

-Chorizo's a spicy...
-I know what chorizo is.

-Too spicy for you?
-Yeah.

[Dave] There you go.

[Chris] Chang, in general, is there...

This is a common thing.

I don't want to offend the chef
by adding X, Y, or Z thing.

Is that something that would typically...
Are chefs offended by that?

By adding hot sauce or anything?

[Josh] A good question is, are chefs...

Is there anything they're not offended by?

[laughing]

-[Pat] What is that?
-This is water spinach.

-[Pat] What?
-Water spinach.

This is a leftover.

[laughing]

-A leftover from yesterday.
-What is that? Is that a soup?

Ms. Pat, this is a whole tub
of melted butter, basically.

-[laughs]
-[Pat] Oh!

[Dave] That's emulsified, so it's not.

It's a classic French sauce, beurre blanc,

and not traditional beurre blanc,

usually made with white wine,
and you reduce it down.

I used vermouth,
which is a fortified white wine.

Reduced it down with shallots.

I don't have sorrel,

which is what the famous
Troisgros dish has, which is lemony.

I wanted to make it more acidic,
so it almost tastes like a hollandaise.

And I poached the salmon in here.

So I'm gonna use the salmon.

I'm gonna use this as a bit of the sauce.

Now the salmon has been
lightly poached in this.

You know, I never had a chef
talk to me in so many big words.

Because I'm...

[all laughing]

[Chris]
He's just explaining what's in there.

They're not big words,
they're just French words.

[Pat] "Hollandaise."

Oh, it's so hot.
It's so hot. It's amazing.

-I'm terrified of you.
-Wow.

But, Ms. Pat,
I'm gonna just give you one turnip.

You went full stems too. You're wild.

-The turnip greens are delicious.
-Really?

They're maybe more delicious
than the turnip itself.

So don't... Don't... Don't...

like, not eat it.

Ms. Pat, do you trust me?

-You trust me?
-So far.

Let that cool down.
Try to eat the whole thing.

You don't have to,
but no one's judging you. Yes, we are.

[Dave and Chris laugh]

[Josh] It's really cute.

[Dave] Huh? What do you think?

You don't like it?

This ain't no turnip I'm used to.

[Dave and Chris laugh]

Ours had leaves when I was coming up.

It's really cute.

This is like a baby carrot.

I like it.

-It's fresh, slightly earthy.
-Everything is fresh.

We is in front of a chef.

What's better than fresh?

It's...

It's mid.

-No, this is fresh.
-No, it's delicious.

Why are you putting
salmon on the paper towel?

'Cause I'm trying to make sure that...

all of the extra butter
gets off it so I can plate it.

-[Pat] Who watching they calories?
-[all laugh]

It dawned on me how stupid this is

because after I plate it,
I'll put more of the sauce on top.

[all laughing]

Ain't nobody running
in the morning but him.

We missed this episode of The Bear.

I'm really happy that you like the turnip,

because it is my most favorite
vegetable when cooked.

-[Pat] I've never had a turnip like that.
-[Josh] Awesome.

What I did here was, when they're bigger,

and they can be more of a golf ball size,

you can roast them on top of the oven.
I mean, like pan roast it.

Then you can put it in
like a 400 degree oven to finish.

As it gets almost like 90% done,

I deglaze with a little...
You don't have to use chicken stock.

I used chicken broth
from the soup that you had,

butter and a little honey.

And I... The French call it,
I glissade the vegetables.

That's what we're doing today.

[Josh] This is probably a silly question,

but does this ever make you
miss working on the line?

-[Dave] No. [laughs]
-Never. You're done.

Absolutely not. I am done.

You know how hard it is
to work at a restaurant?

It's impossible, right?

It's basically impossible.

Any time you put on chef whites,
no matter what kind of whatever it is,

catering, working cafeteria,
doesn't matter.

These are all amazing jobs,
always very difficult.

I don't know if people
understand how difficult.

[Chris] Have either of you worked
in the restaurant business

or near the restaurant business?

-I'm a child actor.
-[all laughing]

-[Chris] Yes, of course.
-They robbed me of my childhood.

Thanks.

-[Pat] Oh, yes, I worked at McDonald's.
-You were a draft dodger.

Yes, but I never worked
anywhere I couldn't steal, so...

[all laughing]

-[Dave laughs] Oh, sh*t.
-[all laughing]

[Pat] They wasn't paying nothing,
so I had to get it the other way.

What do you think about
the lady at the school

who stole the $1.5 million
worth of chicken wings?

[Dave] What?

You didn't hear about that?
They gave her nine years federal time.

-She stole chicken wings from the school?
-$1.5 million worth.

[Dave] How, over her lifetime?

Over her time of working there.
She was ordering them.

[Chris]
She stole 11,000 cases of chicken wings.

She was flipping wings
on the black market?

-I'll keep my food, ma'am.
-You know what?

I don't think they should put her in jail.

-Right? That's just me.
-[Chris] Yeah.

What do you think?

I just wish I knew
where she was selling them at.

[laughing]

Drums or the flat part? Both, probably.

What got her caught
was the chicken breast.

She started ordering chicken breast,
and she worked at a school cafeteria,

they were like, no,
we don't feed the kids the good meat.

[Chris] I think you should be arrested
for ordering chicken breast.

-That's probably the right law.
-[Dave] All right.

-Here is...
-[Josh] Oh, that is gorgeous.

Is your butter poached salmon.

Butter poached salmon.

-Caught by our very own Jared.
-Caught by the producers.

[Josh] Shout out Jared.

[Pat] Shout out Jared.

This is... He gave us his leftover fish.

[Chris and crew laughing]

He's setting the bar for future producers.

They're not gonna catch the fish
for a cooking show.

[Josh] You see Brian Grazer
out there catching fish?

[all laughing]

-[Pat] This is good.
-[Chris] That looks beautiful, man.

-[Josh] Holy cow.
-This tastes like Jared just caught it.

[Dave] That's right.

Again, another example of a leftover
that's not really a leftover.

This ain't leftover, this is fresh.
This is fresher than me.

We're done here. You don't even need this.

-You don't need this.
-Yes, I do.

[Dave and Chris laugh]

I hope that this is done.

[Pat] This is really good.

And I love the mushroom.
They look like chitlins.

No matter how fresh fish is,
do you have to flash freeze it?

Um, flash?

So this is probably a controversial take.

-[Pat] What is flash freeze first of all?
-So, um...

It's frozen immediately on the boat.

[Pat] On the boat?

When they catch the fish, they process it,
and freeze it on the boat.

And a deep freeze.

I'd argue, sometimes,
when you go to a supermarket,

the most fresh fish
is probably the frozen fish.

-Yeah. 'Cause it's frozen.
-[Pat] In the little packs?

Frozen food, you should think of
less as a frozen item

and more of a, like, pantry item. Right?

Uh, because it has a very long shelf life,

and it is the best way to preserve flavor

in a cooked dish
or raw ingredient, frozen,

not any other way.

So it definitely changes the structure.

So it probably has a lower ceiling,

in terms of deliciousness,
but it has a higher floor.

So a lot of times
you go to the supermarket...

I'll shut up. I don't wanna bore everyone.

-I think that...
-What's in the cabinet?

-You should go to the freezer.
-Not always.

I just think we need a few more years

till we have a better
fish handling program in this country.

-What are they doing? Stabbing the fish?
-[Dave] No.

Sometimes, it's...
You shouldn't really put it on ice,

have it soaked in water
and a lot of these things.

How do you... Catch it with your hand,
choke it, and put it in your purse?

[all laughing]

[Chris] I think he's just saying
that the frozen fish

has been handled much less
than the thing that you think

-is sitting fresh in the case.
-[Dave] Yeah.

[Pat] So I have a question,

and this is a question that everybody
in the Black community wanna know.

Look at me.

[all laughing]

-Don't you look at me.
-I won't.

Is tilapia real?

[Dave] Tilapia is real.

-It is real.
-They told us that was fake.

I'll tell the group chat.

From what I know, and this could be wrong,

tilapia is an indigenous fish from Africa,

but it has become
a very popular farm-raised fish.

-I don't eat farm-raised.
-And it's the farm-raised fish that,

for the most part, is not always great.

No, because they impregnate
them fishes themselves,

then they squeeze the babies out.

That's forcing you to give labor.

[Dave] Are you talking about
a new Netflix documentary?

[all laughing]

Sounds like a good one.

There's a m*rder mystery
in there too, I guarantee.

I saw it. When they farm raise,
they squeeze their bellies

and don't give them time
to have those babies on their own.

[Chris]
You think the farmer will sit around,

wait for the fish to have sex,
then produce a baby?

-Yes.
-If they're romantic.

Yes. You need to put
something in the water,

like Valentine's Day boxes, forever roses.

What get your wife up and going?

[all laughing]

-Thank you. Okay.
-I'm gonna let this chill out.

You have plenty of time,
but this needs a rest.

Rice, for the most part, my...

Regardless of the type of rice,

I find that it's about
12 minutes of cooking

and 12 minutes of resting.

-[Pat] Mm!
-[Dave] So you need to let rice rest.

That's why my rice be stuck together,
'cause by the time it's done, I eat it.

Is that why my stomach blow up?

Maybe, maybe.

Again, I don't know.

[all laughing]

"Again, I don't know."

You know, he answer these questions
like he got a lot of sponsors out there

that he don't want to offend.

I get it. Same here.

Well, I don't have any sponsor,
so I just eat my rice.

What's the best brand of rice?

They say jasmine.

I'm partial to the rice from Korea,
being number one.

-Where do I get Korean rice from?
-It's hard to get in America.

There are places you can get Korean rice,

but, like, rice is a very special thing,
for the most part.

You know, when my parents
grew up eating rice,

getting a bowl of white rice,
just plain white rice,

that was like gold, right?

-That's how it was for meat at my house.
-Right?

-We had a lot of beans.
-A lot of beans.

We had a lot of beans too.
But Japan has great rice.

Basically, every place that produces rice,
Southeast Asia, you name it.

I wanna know what you buy
when you go to the grocery store.

I buy fancy rice. [laughs]

-I can afford fancy rice.
-I know, but it's short grain and...

-Short grain? Long grain ain't...
-This is jasmine.

-And I wanted to cook jasmine.
-[Pat] Why you give me jasmine?

[Dave laughs]
I didn't wanna cook short grain.

I thought about cooking it in more of
a clay pot, Asian style, white rice,

but I don't know
if I've ever had short grain rice,

-which is the kind of rice, with saffron.
-[Pat] Oh.

And because you wanted saffron,
I wanted to give you a longer grain rice.

I have a question,
and this might seem dumb,

but I don't cook.

Does long grain mean the rice is long,
short mean it's short?

-Yes. And...
-[Pat] What?!

There's different starch content.
Some rice is sticky, some isn't.

Can you make a rice pudding?

-I can make a rice pudding.
-[Pat] I hated those coming up.

My mama made them.

-Are we gonna eat straight out of the pan?
-[Dave] This is ripping hot. Be careful.

-Don't touch it, but you don't have to.
-In the beurre blanc?

In the beurre blanc?

Oh, thank you so much.

Don't take my food, young lady. Okay.

So we have scallops, we have shrimp.

Again, what I did is,
I took some lap cheong,

which is Chinese sausage,
roasted that off with the rice,

cooked in olive oil, the jasmine rice,

then I added the saffron
and saffron water,

and some chicken stock, scallops, shrimp,
and you have king crab in there as well.

[Josh] Oh, wow.

-Never see a prince crab, you know?
-[Dave laughs]

[Josh] That's gorgeous.

Oh my God. Lord have mercy, Jesus.

I just imagine Jesus
enjoying this saffron rice,

couple of disciples chilling, you know.

You got dessert too?

[Dave] Yeah, of course we do.

Ms. Pat, what are you doing here? Come on.

-You gotta...
-[Chris] My goodness.

-[Josh] That's beautiful.
-[Dave] I'll serve it up.

[Pat]
I didn't get no scallop. Let me get one.

How do we feel about scallops as a food?

-I love scallops.
-Well, ain't they a food?

I'm about to eat this.

But I feel like it's a divisive food.
Some people are all about it...

[Dave] The reason why a lot of people
don't like seafood...

-Sorry, I got rice on you.
-No, not at all.

...is a lot of times they might have,
where it tastes like ammonia, right?

-[Pat] Ammonia?
-Ammonia-nated.

So that's a reaction that happens

when you have fish
that basically starts to go bad.

It starts to taste... like ammonia.
Literally, it's ammonia.

And scallops tend to have
a high degree of that.

So people, when they eat scallops,
might have a bad one,

and they're like, "I don't like scallops."

I ain't never said
I ain't like no scallop.

[Dave] I love scallops.

I do too.

-This is great.
-[Chris] What is the dessert, Mr. Chang?

Um...

We're making a pavlova,
which I have no idea what the history is,

but I know they eat a lot of it
in Australia and in Britain,

and it's a good summer dessert.

We have some berries from
the Santa Barbara Farmers Market.

We macerate it,
which is a fancy term to say

we put a sh*t ton of sugar in it.

[all laughing]

We made a meringue and anglaise.

This is... If we froze this,
this would be vanilla ice cream.

This will be the sauce.

I don't know if y'all can taste this
at the house, but this is good.

-Jesus is proud of you.
-Unreal.

Is this... In all your saffron rice,
is this up there?

My daughter...

She makes a better one? g*dd*mn it.

[all laughing]

[Dave] g*dd*mn it.

But I must say,
we ain't never been able to afford

no crabs, lobster, and shrimps in it.

It's just rice.

It's good, really good. I wouldn't lie.

I don't have to lie to you.
This is really good.

But you know what?

What we're looking for is,
"It's the best."

Now I have to whip myself when I go home.

[Chris] The fact that there's a better
saffron rice is upsetting to Dave.

-[Pat] You haven't had my daughter's.
-[Josh] I haven't either.

But this is very good.

-Saffron...
-[Pat] This is the start of a drive-by.

My quarter rice is a drive-by.

But it's good.

I feel like if you get saffron
at the supermarket,

they go to a safe to get it, right?

-I don't know.
-Depends on the supermarket?

-[Pat] So...
-[Josh] Tell me.

Walmart has it locked up
with the baby milk.

-[Dave] Really?
-Yeah.

With the Similac.

-'Cause it's like $25 a tube.
-Right.

So it's locked up with the Sudafed
and everything else they steal,

the Pampers.

So right beside all of that
is the saffron.

-In some neighborhood, maybe not yours.
-[Josh] You ever take a Sudafed for fun?

-[Pat] No, I have not, sir.
-[Josh] Me either, me either.

[all laughing]

What happens if you do,
theoretically, take it for fun?

[Josh] Oh, it's wonderful. I mean...

[all laugh]

I wouldn't be a good...

You the white kid that got my Sudafed
locked up in my community?

No. There were a few of us.

[Pat] Why would you take Sudafed?

-That's for cold.
-[Josh] Don't put that on me.

No, it's fine.
You lose your appetite, you...

Josh, just to let you know,
when you came on the show,

we told you this is Dinner Time Live,
and there's no take-backs.

[Chris] No take-backs.
I don't know what you think you're doing.

This episode is brought to you
by Johnson & Johnson.

Shout out Mucinex... D.

-Isn't it wonderful...
-[Chris] Holy sh*t.

-Chris, what is happening?
-[Chris] I don't know...

Josh is doing an ad for stealing Sudafed
right now, on our show.

[Josh] It's not stealing.

The great part is, when you can look back
and know that you messed up

then you can laugh about it now.

-Absolutely.
-Yeah, it's just...

[Pat] I used to sell crack.

I don't do it anymore,
and I can talk about it freely.

It was k*lling me to hold
all of them stories in,

about all the times
I did drive-by with my kids.

I can talk about it,
and nobody judges me now.

And if there was a crack Yelp... Sorry.

[all laugh]

Sir, there is a crack Yelp.

How many stars
do you think you'd have had?

I'd have had six 'cause I treated people
like I wanted people to treat me.

I know how to run a store.
I want everybody to return.

-Wow.
-[Pat] Yeah.

Who knew this was gonna be
a therapy session?

I didn't know Josh was literally
the Pablo Escobar of Sudafed

and meets an ex...

You heard it here first.

And Robitussin. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

[all laugh]

And Ms. Pat is standing up for
quality customer service from your deals.

Customer service is everything.
That's what I always tell people.

That's why people always came back to me
'cause I treated my customers.

I put their stuff in a bag,
and I made sure they came back.

Receipts?

No. You ever bought crack?
It come in a bag.

Got it, got it.

[all laughing]

[Dave] Mind if I try this?

-I don't mind.
-Please.

Now I'm like, so...

No, this is really good.

-I've never had saffron rice that...
-[Dave] Ms. Pat.

"Really good" is not good enough.

-What you want me to do?
-It's gotta be the best.

[Josh] I love it. It's dark in there.
I can see. I love it.

[Pat] What you keep talking about?

-[Josh] In his mind.
-It's pretty good.

He's hard on himself. I love it.

-You do therapy, Dave?
-[Dave] Of course.

-[Josh] You do?
-Mm-hm.

-[Pat] Why?
-[Josh] Same here.

Overbearing Korean parents.

I didn't have no parents.

-I didn't do it.
-Lucky. Okay.

What's your parents wanted you to be?

Um, for whatever reason,

we talk about this on the show
all the time,

but they wanted me to be
a professional golfer.

-[Pat] A golfer.
-I know. Crazy.

They want you to be Tiger Woods?

Except, that there's actually
a Tiger Woods.

[all laughing]

I don't wanna speed you up,

but I wanted to get you this Pavlova,
which is meringue,

and some macerated berries
from the market and anglaise.

[Pat] This ain't nothing... What is this?

[Dave] It's like a marshmallow.
Think about it as that.

-[Pat] You made this?
-[Dave] We did.

And I gotta say, it's not the best.

[all laughing]

We're very honest here.

I can't help but be very critical
of everything we make.

[Pat] This ain't gonna be here.
I'll tell you, this is like plastic.

I swallow slow, so it might get...

Uh-uh.

[Dave] You're not eating the meringue.

[Chris] Everybody is honest.

"Swallow slow, it's not that good."

I can't do the meringue, baby.
The meringue ain't meringue-ing.

[all laughing]

This tastes like
blown-up plastic. I'm sorry.

We don't need a Yelp review, folks.
We have it here.

-This cotton candy.
-Life's about finishing strong.

-We wanna thank you for tuning in.
-[Dave] Thank you.

Ms. Pat, Josh, thank you.

-We learned so much about you guys.
-[Josh] Thank you so much.

[Pat]
I'm not a dessert... I don't eat sweet.

I eat meat.

[all laughing]

-This is the greatest day of my life.
-Thanks for joining us on...

[theme music playing]