02x03 - Holiday Noodle Cook-Off

[bunniefuu]

[ominous music]

Around the world,
we celebrate with noodles.

In almost every region of Italy,

there is a specific pasta to accompany
a holiday or festival.

In Asia, noodles are eaten on special
occasions to symbolize longevity.

Tonight, we bring two masters
of the noodle arts

into the Dinnertime Live kitchen
for a friendly competition.

In the visitor's corner,
hailing from California,

and training out of Bologna, Italy,

the steward of old-world traditions,

-Evan, the godson of pasta, Funke!
-[cheering, applause]

In the home corner, fighting out of
the mean streets of Hartford, Connecticut,

6'4", and weighing in at 175 pounds,

the host of Dinnertime Live,

David "Dave" Chang!

[cheering, applause]

Whose noodles will bring the most joy
to our guests?

Who will survive the Carb-ageddon?

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Feasts of Fury!

[expl*si*n booms]

[dramatic music]

[upbeat, fast-paced music]

Welcome back to another episode
of Dinnertime Live, Holiday Edition.

We have a different setup today.

It's a competition between
a really close friend of mine,

one of the great chefs in the world,
Evan Funke.

But right there, we have Chris Ying,
voice of the internet,

Sumi-san himself.

[laughter]

And joined with the wonderful Josh Gad.

I'm so honored to be here.

Unlike Wiz, I didn't realize
today was optional.

[laughter]

We've been told, for the audience that
are here specifically for Wiz Khalifa,

he's on his way, he's stuck in
the notoriously bad LA traffic.

-Not his fault. It's Chris Ying's fault.
-[laughter]

It is extremely live television.
LA traffic.

He will be joining us, I am told.

For those that haven't been
watching all of their Netflix food series,

the-- the most recent episode
of Chef's Table: Noodle

stars the great Evan Funke,
one of the best chefs in the world.

-Woo!
-[cheering, applause]

You're too kind, you're too kind.

[David] And we're gonna
cook a couple dishes,

maybe some extra-credit courses.

You and Wiz, whenever he shows up,
are gonna judge.

[Josh] Mm-hmm.

And, uh, yeah, we'll see what happens.

Dave, you're being very casual about it,

but I'm looking at a countdown clock
that is now at…

-[David] I'm freakin' out.
-…43 minutes and 50 seconds.

[Evan] Why haven't you started yet, man?

-Yeah.
-[Josh] Chefs?

Could I ask for--
Do you have something larger?

[David] Yes.

So for those that don't know,
this is japchae.

This is a Korean noodle.

So we're-- I'm gonna be representing,

unfortunately for all Asian people,
I'm gonna be representing Asian--

Uh, not all noodles,
but there's a lot of food,

noodle dishes that are really celebratory
of the holiday season.

This is japchae.

And oftentimes during New Year's
or family occasions,

during the holiday period,
this is what you always serve.

At least my mom always did.

I'm gonna also serve another Korean dish.

A version of tteokguk,
which is always served

on Lunar New Year or New Year's Day.

And then, longevity noodles.

I'm gonna try to do some version
of a long noodle,

which is representative
of a very long life.

And then, time permitting, maybe
the both of us can work on a soba dish

that is served on New Year's Day
in Japan as well.

Do you find what he's doing
passive-aggressive while you're talking?

-Yeah, I'm-- I'm super nervous.
-[laughter]

Listen, a lot of my friends
have already texted me

and said, "We don't want you to win.
We want Evan to win."

-[Josh] Wow.
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Those friends are dicks.
-I don't have many good friends.

[David] So I'm trying to--

Would you suggest
with something this large,

a side of Ozempic,
or something else that you recommend?

It's a large portion.
You do not have to eat it all.

But that was sort of a--

You do not have to have cardiac arrest
tonight, Josh, if you don't want to.

Um, but I'm gonna get started
on the broth for these noodles.

I've added-- I've already started
a little with some beef broth,

Shaoxing wine, garlic, ginger,

um, some scallions.

And, uh…

this is not always a noodle soup,
is it, Chris?

-Can I come take a look?
-Yeah.

Longevity noodles can be either in a soup,
or they can be braised or stir-fried.

-Evan.
-Yeah?

Why don't you give us
a sense of your menu today,

now that Dave has not
given you that opportunity?

Ah, it's all good. So I'm making a--

I'm making gnocchi di carnevale.

It's four different colors
of ricotta gnocchi,

served in a Veneto.

They actually have a Friday dedicated,
during the carnival,

to gnocchi, there's like a Gnocchi Papa.

Some people call me Cacio Papa,
but that's Gnocchi Papa.

[laughter]

So we're gonna do that
with some duck ragu.

And then after that, I'm gonna
do tagliatelle with frutti di mare.

But, like, a totally f*cked-up version
of frutti di mare,

not like, you know, clams,
and mussels, and sh*t, so.

When I order frutti di mare, I always say,
"Can you make it f*cked up for me?"

[laughter]

I think I'm at a disadvantage,
because he's making what I've been told

is one of your most favorite foods.

-Well, so, my wife is--
-Yeah, I read up on him.

-My wife is Italian.
-This is why we're here.

-Okay? And--
-Lucky you.

And so I'm very lucky, and unfortunate
when she decides to scream.

-But, um--
-[laughter]

We-- So, every year we go--
or every other year,

we go to Italy to visit her family.

-And oftentimes we eat--
-Where?

Well, her family lives in
a town called Salerno,

-which is cl-- See how I did that?
-[Evan] Of course.

Salerno.

You can't just say Salerno. It's gotta--

Salerrrrno.

-So we go to Salerno.
-Did you stop by Barthelona?

[laughter]

On our way from Barthelona,
we go to Salerrrrno.

And, uh, and near there
is the Amalfi Coast, of course.

-Yes.
-Positano, and-- and Capri.

So we often do a lot
of frutti di mare-style food.

-That's the place to do it.
-[Josh] Her mom's from the north.

They don't do as much seafood.

[Evan] They got salted anchovies
up there, man.

-Yeah.
-Yes, exactly.

[Chris] We have really stacked
the decks against you here, Dave.

-This is--
-It's great. It's great.

Oh, no, no! This is just as good, man.

[laughter]

-Wiz, aren't we having the best time?
-[laughter]

I'm jealous that you get to eat
the japchae,

because my wife's Korean.

And I get to eat japchae,

because my mother-in-law is
a fantastic cook, so.

Evan is the chosen one.
He's gonna unite the clans.

[Evan] I'm uniting the clans.

[laughter]

Dave, speaking of the chosen one, what is
going on in your hands right here, buddy?

A little-- a little hand-pulled noodles.

You know. You know how it goes.

[Chris] You got that right
on the first try.

-Yeah, of course I did. First try.
-[Evan] First try.

No, this has-- this has been a lot
of work to get this right,

to get the elasticity right,

to get the stretch right,

uh, where it's still toothsome.

This is a noodle
that I've grown up eating,

at least going to Korean and
Chinese restaurants, and, you know,

making you a long noodle,

so the world can have Josh Gad
for as long as humanly possible,

because I know my kids would love that.

So I just wanna understand
this correctly, chef.

My life expectancy is based on the size
of that noodle in your hand?

-[David] 100%.
-[Josh] Okay.

I did not know I was signing up
for that today.

The idea is you don't
wanna cut the noodles.

You serve a long noodle for a long life.

All right, so I'm gonna cut
my tagliatelle super f*cking long,

so that way I can also have long life.

Hey, Wiz, do you mind
if I have a little bit more?

[laughter]

Is that okay?

-[David] Um--
-Are we just gonna CGI him in,

-for, future shows?
-We'll fix it in post.

-How about that?
-[Josh laughs]

-[Chris] Evan.
-Yeah?

[Chris] What's happening? You got mult--

I'm trying not to go down, Chris!

-[David laughs]
-[Chris] Oh!

So I've got nutmeg flavor,
just regular ricotta,

spinach, estratto di pomodoro,
and saffron.

I was also gonna do
four different-colored noodles.

[laughter]

-Why are you so needy right now?
-But my dog ate my colors.

[laughter]

Your dog also ate my f*cking guest.

[laughter]

Um… yeah.

It's a little-- I'm a little pissed
that he's showin' off

with all of his colors, you know?

Guys, nothing's been decided.

Just because it looks like he's doing
a lot more work than you are right now

doesn't mean that I've made a decision,
other than he's most likely to win.

[laughter]

-That's not fair!̇
-Can I get in there?

Am I allowed to, like, since there
are no guests or rules right now,

-can I just--
-Look at LeBron James over here.

-Jeez.
-I know.

Get in there. Whoo!

-May I?
-Go, go! Yeah!

-Okay, great.
-[applause]

-Okay.
-[Josh] I'm very excited now.

So what-- now, what do we have over here?

So this is just plain ricotta
flavored with nutmeg.

-Okay.
-Parmigiano.

-A little bit of flour.
-Beautiful.

This is spinach puree.

See how I got away from you
as fast as I could?

Well, you're wearing black,
which is f*ck' dangerous.

You want some culinary glitter,
I'll give it to you.

[Josh laughing]

And then this one is-- we--

I have this concentrato di pomodoro
from Sicily.

It's absolutely fantastic.

It tastes like harnessed sunshine.

And, uh, it's just extraordinary.

So that's the puree that makes that red.

And then we have some saffron from Abruzzo
to make it yellow. And, uh--

How do I know you're not just
making up names right now?

-Because I--
-[David] He is.

Yeah, he's, like-- I've never heard of--

"It's made from cipazze di borotzo,

-and latze di metzo."
-What about here?

This is a noodle made with bread flour.

-I added something called dough relaxer.
-Oh, Jesus.

And you can-- there's a great recipe
by Serious Eats

where you use yeast extract,
or, uh, what is it?

-Nutritional yeast?
-[Chris] Nutritional yeast.

But I'm not the biggest fan
of nutritional yeast in general.

-But I use dough relaxer.
-It tastes funky, man.

[Josh] I'm not the biggest fan
of the name nutritional yeast.

It's not a great selling point.

[Evan] It's not a great
selling point at all.

-It has another name, but--
-Yeah.

But as much as I want you to-- do you--
Would you want to dine here?

Well, I don't have anyone
to f*cking dine with.

Okay, okay, perfect, perfect.

You guys are the closest thing I have
on this show to friends right now.

-[David] Um-- [laughs]
-[Josh] Should we just play Wiz Khalifa?

I don't-- These are
the smallest chopsticks I have.

Oh, no, no, no, I'll take--
I will-- I will take this over there.

-[Chris] Chang, Chang, Chang.
-Here.

Sumi-san, hurry.

[̇Josh] I'm very, very excited about this.

So, again, this is a beef broth
that you're gonna have a little bit later,

-with Shaoxing wine, a lot of ginger.
-[Josh] Okay.

And some lobster.

And I wanna do a-- a little bit
of a comparison

with the beautiful food that
Mr. Funke is gonna make.

Oh, Evan, you're kinda f*cked right now.

-[laughter]
-[Josh] Oh my God.

I know, that's what I've been
telling everybody.

So, Josh, as you're eating,
I want you to remember,

think about how it tastes,

how it looks,
and how it makes you feel inside.

Think about the look.

All right.

I-- I hand-stretched these noodles
just for you.

Mmm! Oh my God!

You can taste how long my life
is gonna be.

-So long!
-[laughter]

That's unbelievable.

-Not what I was expecting.
-No, right?

But there's no caviar in it.

-[laughter]
-There's no caviar in it.

-[Evan] There's no cav.
-Well, I was saying to the guys

that I watched that Seth and Ike episode,

and, um, I could not believe
how much money was wasted.

No. It wasn't wasted. It wasn't wasted.

It just felt like a lot more people
like me could have indulged in it.

[laughs] Well, listen.

I don't know if Evan got the memo

that there is a, um, a price cap
on what we're allowed to spend,

but I'm gonna give him the leeway
to blow it through the roof.

He's got a lot of caviar.
He's got a lot of truffles.

In general, does nutritional yeast
cost as much as caviar?

-[laughs] Absolutely not.
-[laughter]

But, uh, you know, I'm just saying, like,

I feel like I'm bringing a knife to a g*n
fight, but, you know, it is what it is.

-I just want you to know, as the judge…
-Okay.

…I'm trying my hardest and my best
to compete with somebody

-that clearly has an advantage.
-You're off to a great start.

The difference between you and him is
I've been given no food by him so far.

[laughter]

Uh, I'm being told that Wiz
is six minutes away.

-What?
-So…

I better finish all 5,000 noodles.

[laughter]

Evan, this technique that Dave
is doing with the hand-pulling,

is there something like this
in Italian cuisine?

Yeah, actually, there is.

So in Sardinia,
there's a pasta called su filindeu.

It's, uh, "threads of God."

It's essentially pulled
really, really thinly,

and then they lay it over a woven basket
and dry it in the sun,

-and then they braise it in mutton broth.
-Ooh!

-In what broth?
-Mutton.

-Oh, mutton?
-Yeah.

[David] Sounds very, very Chinese.

-[Chris] That sounds so Chinese!
-[Josh laughing]

Now, did you grow up eating Italian food?

Uh, kinda, sorta.

My family's kind of culinarily challenged.

[Josh] Oh, yeah. So is mine.

But my mom was raised by, like,
a conglomerate of Italian families

in Little Italy in San Francisco.

-We call that a mafia.
-[Evan] Yes.

[laughter]

Josh, while we're waiting
for your dining companion…

-Yes?
-…you are pulling quadruple duty today.

You're not only our guest,
our eater, you're also our judge.

-So, again, those three categories.
-Yes.

I want you to take them all
into consideration.

-Okay.
-[Chris] And in front of you,

-you've got five paddles.
-[Josh] Okay.

-One to five stars.
-All right.

And you-- Oh, Chang is now,
uh, changing the dish.

-[David] I forgot, I forgot.
-[Chris] Live.

Oh! Oh, well, this just--

It went from one of these,
to one of these.

-Yahoo!
-[crew cheering]

[Chris] That's five stars.
That's five stars.

Dave did a full Super Mario celebration
for this thing.

I'm just really happy that I got to
try to make Josh Gad's life

as long as humanly possible with these…

-hand-stretched noodles.
-[Chris] I know.

-[David] And this is--
-This is so much better than exercise.

[laughter]

[Josh] To elongate your life.

[David] Uh-- [laughs]

This is a-- this is a funny noodle.

I think Evan and I have been
marveling at the-- the magic.

It's absolute magic. Absolute magic.

It makes zero sense.

It's basically changed
the gluten structure,

or how should I say, we've, uh,

manicured it in a way that allows us
to almost produce magic.

[Evan] Mm-hmm.

And this has been a long,
like, a millennia-plus way

of making noodles in China.

It really-- Yeah,
we actually have some video,

I think, that we can throw up here in
a second of Dave making this before.

But he's been working on this
for two weeks.

-[David] It takes forever.
-I saw him on Sunday.

[Josh] Two weeks?

I saw him on Sunday,
and he was, like, exhausted.

And what-- your watch thought
you were working on this.

But here's the video.

So, this noodle dough that Dave is doing,

basically defies all the laws of physics
and culinary science,

because a chewy dough is really gonna
resist being stretched.

So Dave has basically made rope
out of this dough.

You can see him spinning it,
and slapping it.

Evan's taking a go at it.
But basically, this was what, Dave?

-Two hours of--
-[David] It was about two hours.

So what I'm trying to do is
almost think about creating a rope

with the gluten structure of the--

of the dough,

so, to actually turn it into, like,

a-- a tight strand,

uh, like-- like a rope.

[Josh] Ooh.

And if you do this long enough,

you're gonna get
the chew and the elasticity

to work in your favor.

Yeah, when I do the same process,
that's how mine looks as well.

[laughter]

Wiz, aren't we having
the time of our lives?

[laughter]

Isn't this just a blast?

It is important to note that
the flour probably has to have

a higher protein ratio than,
say, all-purpose, but, um…

Now, I'm on something called
a no-carb diet right now.

-[Evan] Why? Why?
-Is this gonna be a-- No, I'm totally--

[David] Yeah, welcome to Carb-ageddon. Um…

-Let's see here.
-[Josh] Mmm.

[Chris] And, Evan, you are
working on the next pasta dough.

Yeah, so this is the tagliatelle, which
I'm hand-rolling with the mattarello.

And this is a technique found
everywhere in Emilia-Romagna.

And this is how pasta used to
be made across the country of Italy

-before the machine was invented.
-[Josh] Do you guys find that your hands

-hurt after a while by doing this?
-I am in constant low-grade pain, sir.

-[David] Yes.
-[Josh] Are you?

-[laughter]
-I'm in low-grade pain watching this.

I did this once in Italy.

We-- we got, um, somebody to teach us
how to make, uh, dough with my daughters.

I'm assuming that
what I'm looking at are wet napkins

-and not something I should eat.
-[David] No. You should not eat that.

You made it look like seafood,
which was really f*cked up.

I will say, hey, Evan, you told me
a number that was pretty damn high…

of the amount you've--
amount of times you've actually made this.

Yeah. Over-- over 35,000.

-35,000?
-[Evan] Yeah.

Well, it's over, you know,
almost 19 years, 20 years.

-Who was keeping count of that?
-I am. I'm f*cking insane, man.

[Chris]
He actually knocked it out in 35 days.

It was 1,000 times, 35 straight days.
It was pretty easy.

-[Josh] 35,000 times.
-Yes. It's, uh…

At this point,
it's very much like a meditation,

so that's why it's so difficult
to talk to you and do this.

-[Chris chuckles]
-[Josh] All right.

[Evan] But, yeah, it's a meditation.

I don't have any problem
talking to you and working.

-[laughter]
-I love talking to you.

Now, you gave the first dish--
I wanna ask you about this.

You gave it five stars.
That's as high as our scale goes.

Well, I just wanna say it was
the one that was closest to me,

and I didn't wanna bend over any further.

Can I suck up to you a little bit more?

Please.

You've already given me
the length of life with one noodle.

You're talking to me while cooking, yes.

[David clears throat]
Unlike this guy. And--

But Evan--
But here's what Evan's doing secretly.

-He's like, "It's all gonna be…"
-I know.

"I'm gonna win in Josh's mouth."
That came out wrong.

[laughter]

-Netflix, I apologize.
-It's the only way I wanna win.

Is there a way to go back
and edit that in real time?

Um, I will say that…

I want you around a long time,
because my two sons,

particularly Hugo, my oldest,
loves you so much.

-Aww!
-Besides all the characters you play.

-But he loves your book the most.
-Oh, Hugo!

-[Chris] Wow. Wow!
-Oh, thank you so much.

-[Chris] Wow. Wow.
-This is not a joke.

I'm getting not only brownie points

-from Josh himself…
-I love this.

…I'm gonna get brownie points
from my own son.

This is very sweet.

How old is Hugo?
If you're like, "25," I'm gonna really…

-[laughter]
-[David] He's five years old.

For those that are watching that
have kids, Josh's book is fantastic.

You will love it.

-[Evan] My book's not that interesting.
-[Josh laughs]

[Chris] Time check here.

-You have 27 minutes.
-Oh, my God, look at that.

See, I gotta butter you up too, so…

This is the sfincione from
Felix and Funke and whatnot.

Here's some delightful
truffle butter for you, sir.

[Josh] Ooh.

All right.
The next course I'm gonna work on--

Ooh, this is hot.

I'm gonna leave this
in front of Wiz's plate setting

so that he's so f*cking confused
when he comes.

-[laughter]
-[Chris] Uh, hold on. I have to--

Like, Evan, what's happening?
This is not one of your two dishes.

No, what? I mean,
he's giving f*cking books to the guy, man.

-[laughter]
-Got to do something, man. Okay.

-Come on, come on.
-So these are, uh, from Molise.

-White truffles from Molise. Why not?
-[Josh] Oh, truffles. I'm a truffle guy.

[David] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-[Chris] Whoa, what?
-[laughter]

-[Evan] Hey, listen.
-What the-- what the eff, man?

-Fair and unfair.
-[Josh] Oh, yeah.

How about a couple more truffles
on that bad boy?

I'm taking my finger skin
off if I go any closer.

-[Josh] God.
-[David] This is why--

this is a good thing that Wiz is not here.

Yeah, no sh*t. And I can--
you suggest I use these for this dish?

-Uh…
-How would I-- how do I break into this?

-Should I use fork, knife?
-Well, bread is made to be broken,

-sir, so…
-All right. Done.

Hey, Wiz, you don't-- No? Okay, good.

[laughter]

[David] That's not fair.
For those that don't know,

Evan's focaccia,
amongst all the other things--

[Chris] Hold on, guys.
Arriving at exactly 4:20 p.m.,

it's our second guest judge today.

-[Josh] Yo!
-Welcome, sir. Welcome.

-[applause, cheering]
-Wiz Khalifa in the house.

-[Wiz] What's up? What's happening?
-Don't steal my things.

-How are you?
-What's up, man?

What up, what up?

Pretend this wasn't touched by my fingers.

-Okay.
-[laughter]

Is that a dessert type of thing?

No, this is-- this is focaccia.

What's focaccia?

[Josh] Focaccia is--

It's the softest sex bread
you're ever gonna have.

-All right.
-[Evan] Softest sex bread.

-Sex bread.
-Yeah.

And they left you this book in case
you wanna read something while you're…

So, Wiz, I, uh-- I'm gonna make you
a course that I just served Josh.

-It's gonna be hand-pulled noodles…
-[Wiz] Mm-hmm.

…served in a lobster beef broth
with some ginger and garlic,

and I'm gonna roll into
some Korean dumplings, rice cakes,

that I'm a little questionable on
how it's gonna turn out live right now.

And then, uh, roll into some soba
if we have time together.

And, uh, Mr. Evan Funke is
going to make you some gnocchi.

-[Evan] Yeah.
-You want to explain?

Yeah, so gnocchi di carnevale,

flavored with nutmeg, tomato, spinach,
and saffron with a duck ragu.

-[Wiz] All right.
-It's a banger.

Wiz, to catch you up so far,
David's winning just because…

Just because you weren't here.

So he gave me something Evan hasn't,
which is food.

-Oh, okay.
-[laughter]

-I think that's the most important part.
-[Josh] Yeah.

Have you tried this yet?
I didn't touch this part.

-It's good.
-It's really good.

-Yeah, I like it.
-These--

-[Evan] Can we get some share plates?
-[Josh] Yeah.

Why are we Lady and the tr*mp-ing it?

[Wiz] I don't mind.

Randy's gonna come point
them out to you really quick.

-[laughter]
-I ain't trippin'.

Um, I think I--
I don't know what happened,

but my rice cakes may be
a little sabotaged by somebody.

[laughter]

They're a little loose.

-But--
-How do you get it so--

-Oh, sorry, please.
-No, go ahead.

It took me five years of tinkering,

f*cking around with that thing,
to get it to that point.

'Cause I wanted the--
I wanted the texture of a donut,

uh, and flavor of a focaccia.

And I first had it in, uh-- in Palermo,

uh, where they do it
with, like, tomato sauce

and f*ck' fried breadcrumbs on top.

-[Josh] That's incredible.
-Total stoner food.

Evan, these-- these gnocchi
are not potato-based.

No, these are ricotta gnocchi.

Ricotta gnocchi, and, uh…

-I'm getting out of your hair right now.
-[Evan] No, chef, you're good.

This is the first live cooking competition

in which the contestants
have to share a f*cking stove.

-[laughter]
-It's not even a stove. It's four burners.

I was thinking that. So they have
43 minutes to just fight over two…

[laughter]

[Chris] This was not--
we were not built for a competition.

Um…

Wiz is like, "What the f*ck is going on?"

[Chris] I don't know.
We got 23 minutes left.

[Evan] Down below, Chef.

[David] Um, I don't wanna blow up
my own-- my opponent here,

but I happened to try his gnocchi.

And I'd never had a square gnocchi.

I've never seen
a square gnocchi in my life.

And I was really pissed that
it was not only a cool shape,

but you'll be prepared for
something extremely delicious.

Can you explain why it's a square gnocchi?
Usually it's a round cylinder.

Round cylinder
rolled over a fork or whatever,

but this is just a far more
efficient way to make it.

You make the ball, you roll it out flat,
and then you cut it in strips,

and then you cut, you know, dice.
So it's just…

Everything in Italy is about
economics of space and time

and movement and product and all that.

So it's just-- I think it's just sensible.

I'm so excited.

Do you guys have something
called an AC unit in here?

[laughter]

We do, but a kitchen gets hot.

A little hotter than normal.

[Evan] We want you to feel
like you're involved.

[Josh] You want us to feel
your pain. [chuckles]

Just imagine wearing
a polyester suit and cape.

Thank you so much.

All right, you guys ready?

Oh, very much so.

[Chris] So, Wiz, that is the first dish
that Dave had served you,

so you're gonna taste this,
and then I gotta ask you to judge it…

-[Wiz] Okay.
-[Josh] There's a drawer here.

…based on how it tastes, how it looks,
and how it makes you feel.

[Wiz] All right, well, it looks awesome.

[Evan] Rad.

Okay, boys.

-Oh, yeah.
-All right, that tastes great.

-[David] Yeah?
-[Evan] Gnocchi di carnevale.

73-[Josh] Excited about this.
-[David] Make sure you eat mine

first before you, you know,
mess your palate up with his beautiful…

Actually, I wanna eat it too.

[laughter]

It looks so good.

[Chris] Oh, my God, it looks insane.

Did you eat this whole thing, or
did you just, like, take a couple bites?

No, no. No, I just took three bites

and told him it was excellent
so he would leave me alone.

[laughter]

-I'm trying to figure out what type…
-[Chris] Evan, any rhyme or reason

to the colors of the gnocchi,
or do you just love the vibrance?

Well, typically,
this is made also with squid ink,

but with the duck ragu,
the squid ink was a little funky,

-so I just kept to, like--
-[Josh] Oh, squid ink?

[Evan] Yeah, squid ink. Typically
it's served with, like, a fish ragu.

Um, but I thought the duck was…

-[Josh] This looks dope. All right.
-…so good.

-Okay.
-[Chris] All right.

-Let's see.
-Do I get to judge that?

[Chris] So you've got--
you have five paddles next to you.

Oh, here.

[Chris] Oh, he's got his own.
He's got his own paddles.

Netflix didn't have enough to get us--
Oh, you've got--

-Okay, good.
-I got a paddle.

[Chris] We have a huge paddle budget
on this show. Huge paddle budget.

So one to five stars,
based on flavor, presentation, and feel.

[Wiz] I'ma give that four stars.

-[Chris] Four stars!
-[applause]

-Oh, my God.
-I'm honored just to be judged

-by Wiz Khalifa.
-[Chris] Oh, and the score has come up.

-Oh, my God.
-[Chris] The score for the gnocchi

-has also just landed from Josh Gad.
-God damn it.

[Chris] That's five stars for the gnocchi.

-That gnocchi is remarkable.
-[Wiz] Okay, cool.

[David] I feel like this is
home field advantage.

[Evan] Oh, I-- [laughs]

-You're home!
-[Josh] I gave you five as well!

[laughter]

Don't take it out on me that
Wiz gave you a f*cking four.

-[laughter]
-I'm making you work.

You can't just come off the bat with five.

-[David] God damn.
-Keep going.

Now I've pissed off Josh.
I'm definitely gonna lose this thing.

[laughter]

[Josh] That is really good.

-It's very good.
-[Evan] Thank you.

[David] It's very good.

-[Josh] Wow.
-[Wiz] That is good.

What am I saying?
It's terrible. It's terrible.

[Josh laughs]

Too many times you get
gnocchi in, like, a restaurant,

and it's just, like-- it's like lead, man.

But I want-- Again, like the focaccia,

I wanna take the traditional approach,

the traditional intention of it, and
lighten it so you can eat another one.

It's unbelievable.

[Chris] Uh, and Dave, you're…

[David] I'm trying to stall,
even though I'm running out of time,

because these are not
coming out the way I want.

[Chris] But you also, you tasted--
Oh, here's the score.

Wiz has got a score for
the gnocchi dish coming up.

-He's-- he's…
-Ooh.

[Chris] …deliberating. He's holding
a few different paddles in his hands.

[laughter]

-[all exclaiming]
-[Chris] Three stars. Three stars.

We got a tough critic in the house.

-[Wiz] He got a five.
-I actually appreciate that very much.

-[Wiz] Three stars, yeah.
-[laughing]

Hey, three is good!
Three out of five is good.

[David] Hey, hey.
You're judging like my mom.

-This is great.
-Three out of five is banging.

[Josh] You know what? He's right.

-[laughing]
-I'm lowering both of you.

[laughter]

Just keep changing the scores as you go.

[Chris] Wiz, talk us through
the three-star rating.

-Give us your feedback here.
-[Wiz] Um…

I've never really had
too much gnocchi in my life,

but this is the best one that I have.

Uh, the flavor is good.

Um, the texture, to me,

is not what I would normally do,

but it's for this dish,
so that's how it would be.

That's the only thing for me is,
like, it's a little, the texture is off.

But that's not his fault.

-[Chris] Yeah.
-It's a soft, squishy dish.

-Sorry, sorry.
-So.

And I'll walk you through my--
I'll walk you through my five.

-Soft, squishy dish.
-I want more food from him.

[laughter]

-So I'm trying to give him incentive.
-You're buttering him up. Got it.

-[Josh] That's all it was.
-Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, 'cause yours is gone.

[laughing]

-My wife, I was saying, is from Italy.
-Mm-hmm.

So in northern Italy,
gnocchi is, like, it's a part of--

it's-- it's basically the equivalent
of bread and water.

-Right.
-They serve it all the time.

-Get you some more.
-Oh, it's so good.

There are 17 minutes
and 54 seconds left, boys.

-Get your next dish up.
-[Josh] Ooh, what are we looking at here?

All right.
This is gonna be the frutti di mare.

[Josh] Oh, yeah.

[David] God.
I should have sandbagged some live,

but I got super c*ck earlier,

thinking that I was
gonna make these perfect.

And, uh, I'm trying to pivot here,
trying to make them right.

So this is called tteokguk,
and, um, I'm-- uh--

Usually they're, like, sliced on a bias,

and they-- they are chewy,
so if you had mochi before,

-that's what the Japanese call it.
-[Josh] Love mochi.

Tteok, D-D-U-K or T-T-E-O-U-K.

Um, you are served this on New Year's Day
or celebratory, you know, Lunar New Year.

-[Josh] But it's savory, not sweet.
-It's savory. Yes.

And usually it's in a soup,

but I'm gonna serve it so it looks
a little bit like a gnocchi itself.

Oh. Oh, my God! I forgot.

-[Chris] Oh! Oh, wow.
-[David] While I'm cooking…

-[Wiz] Oh, beef patties.
-[Josh] Wow.

Dude, I-- I know this has
nothing to do with pasta or noodles,

but I heard that you're…

[Chris] During our--
during our pre-call with Wiz,

it was made known to Dave
that you like Jamaican food, so.

-[Josh] Oh, my God.
-Just a straight up bribe happening.

-[laughter]
-Wow.

Just a straight up non-noodle-related
bribe happened.

By the way, what the f*ck did
you take away from my pre-call?

[laughter]

[Chris] Did you not get frutti di mare?

-Did you not-- did you not see Mister--
-What am I looking at here?

-[David] You're getting Jamaican oxtail.
-[Chris] That's a big-a*s plate of oxtail.

-[Josh] Oh, got it.
-[Wiz] Oxtails.

-I'm very excited.
-Handed it right to you.

All right. Oh, they just handed it to me.

-Yeah.
-[laughter]

I thought this was
the equivalent of your patties.

They were like, "And we were also
falling asleep during your call."

[David] I got some hot sauce
for you as well.

-[Chris] Here's some plates for you guys.
-[Josh] Wow.

Uh, Dave, but you were saying that
your tteok are not looking as you want.

What does that mean?

[exhales] We're judged on two courses.

[Chris laughs] Yes.

I might have to abandon this.

-[laughter]
-[Chris] What's happening? What's wrong?

Uh, I-- I did not--
So what I've tried to do--

Traditionally, you make tteok in
a much more labor-intensive way

where you're hammering it, you're trying
to smash sort of the rice structure

so it becomes something more malleable.

And I tried to cheat it
by pureeing the rice,

adding too much water, reducing it down,

and then turning into a dough itself.

And I did not reduce the water enough.

-So it's a little squishy.
-It's a little too squishy.

-And you heard what Wiz said about soft…
-I know, I know.

Trust me, I heard.

Just throwing it out there.
You have the information.

-Uh, Evan.
-Yeah.

Update us on
what's happening over here.

So we're gonna sear these scallops off,
and then we're gonna cook some pasta.

I've got some lobster broth right there.

And then we're gonna just
f*ck it up with all the seafood.

So uni and some, uh,
Petrossian Royal Ossetra caviar.

The best of the best.

Look at that. [whistles]

Wiz, you like caviar?

Uh, I don't dislike it.

[Evan] Copy that. I'm up against it now.

-Oh, wow.
-Oh, wow, this is good.

Oh, that's really good.

-Time, 14 minutes?
-[Chris] 14 and a half minutes left.

I am in trouble.

Did you just have this ready in case
you f*cked up your noodles?

-100%.
-[crew laughing]

[Wiz] That was good.

And, and just to butter the judges up.

I'll be honest.
I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Yeah.
That's just hitting.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

I don't know if I've ever
had oxtail before.

[David] It's the greatest cut
on the whole damn cow.

It's really good. It's so good.

-Yeah, it's a good, um…
-Mmm.

-It is the best part.
-…representation of oxtail, too.

-You did that.
-So good.

-[Chris] You got 14 minutes left, boys.
-Groovy.

Uh, and Dave, keen-eyed viewers will see

you sticking your sharpening steel
into the flame of your stove.

Don't worry about it.
We'll get to there if it matters.

[Chris] Okay, okay.

One sound that I've really
come to enjoy as these guys

have been practicing, though, is…

as you saw, Mr. Funke is not shy about
throwing flour all over our g*dd*mn floor,

-but the shuffling around--
-You got to slide. It makes you move.

Listen, I'm fat, so I need to move as…

Need as much viscosity on the floor
as possible, okay?

Behind you, Chef.

They are just sliding around each other.

[Chris laughing]

[Josh] Man.

Dave, these are some of the best noodles
I've ever had right here.

Right?

Now, if you guys
don't finish your dishes in time,

do you want us
to just judge you on your looks?

What, like, how do we pivot here?

If that's it, I'm lost.

Uh…

There'll be a talent show after that.

[Chris] How's the sharing a stove
working out there, Dave?

-Please boil.
-Please boil.

Uh… I was not planning to,
uh, have a fumble on the rice cake.

That's all right.
We can make soba. We'll make soba.

-We'll make soba.
-Let's make soba.

[Chris] Wiz, I didn't even ask you.
Are you…

Noodles and pasta is, like,
a thing that the whole idea of this show

is whether it's Italy or Asia,

noodles and pasta
are kind of a celebratory dish.

Is this something
that you do over holidays?

Is there pasta or noodles in your house?

Who's that to?

I think the most,
the closest to pasta we'll get is, like…

like a macaroni, macaroni and cheese
or like, um…

-a pasta salad.
-Yeah.

Because we do more, like, soul food,
so it's, like, you know, heavy-a*s sh*t.

Mac and cheese
has got to have a place at the table.

Yeah, you got the mac and cheese.

That's the biggest
that we'll go on holidays.

Um…

maybe one day you'll have
traditional tteokguk, which is not this.

This is a beef broth.

I made it with oxtails,
um, and garlic, some onions.

And traditionally when you cook tteokguk,

you have the rice cakes and it sort of
extracts a lot of the rice out of it,

and makes it starchy
and makes it a nice sauce.

I just added some rice flour
because these are super delicate,

and I'm trying to thicken the sauce
and then add the rice cakes

which are cooked at the last second.

If that makes any sense.

Have you ever cooked this close
to another human being before?

-Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.

We've worked in French kitchens.

If you're cooking on the line,
this is, like, all day.

Like this.

You guys look like Siamese twins.

-[Wiz] Lovin' that oxtail, man.
-[Josh] Oh, this oxtail is incredible.

Now, how do you eat oxtail
with a fork and knife?

-[David] You don't.
-[Wiz] You're supposed to just--

-You're supposed to pick it up.
-Yeah, you're supposed to…

-[Josh] I'm trying to be very polite.
-No, no, no.

[Josh] And eat it like I'm eating noodles.

You can't.

[Josh] Open it.

Now, when you do mac and cheese,
do you, like,

just traditional mac and cheese,
or do you like, put other sh*t in there?

It's traditional, but it's more, like…

you got, like, some auntie
with, like, a crazy recipe

who can cook it better
than anybody else in the family.

Who's the best cook in your family?

-Everybody has different dishes.
-Oh, all right.

I got an auntie who does
the mac and cheese.

I got an auntie who does the stuffing.

I got my Nene does certain stuff,
so it's, like, everybody,

you know, they contribute,
they put a hand in.

And, um… yeah.

So it's not, like,
it's not everyday mac and cheese

because they'll get pissed
if it's f*cked up in this world.

Yeah, it gets kind of crazy.

Josh, you're asking like you don't know,

but I thought that you celebrated
all the holidays together.

Are you guys not just
hanging out for every holiday?

Wiz and I love to celebrate
most of the holidays,

if our schedules allow.

Yeah, yeah.

-He's usually the one who's too busy.
-[Josh] Yeah.

[Wiz] I'm the one sitting here waiting.

[Josh] I'll get a phone call from him.

Just be like,
"it's Easter, where are you, Josh?"

I'm like, "I'm sorry, man, you knew
I was going to Bora Bora this week."

[Wiz] Yeah, I'm like, did it again.

I'm sorry to let you down.

Next time, I'm going to Bora Bora.

[all laughing]

[David] Colors on this tteokguk
are a very important thing.

[Josh] Can you pronounce that again?

-[David] "Tho"…
-[Josh] "Tho."

…is the actual rice cake.

-[Josh] Okay.
-"Guk" is soup.

-[Josh] Tteokguk.
-[Wiz] Tteokguk.

[Chris] We've got a simultaneous plating
happening over here.

-[Josh] Wow.
-[Chris] How's that for drama?

[David] I am nervous.

[Chris] Nine minutes left, boys.

[Evan]
Man, I didn't think of the caviar.

This is the biggest f*cking caviar
spoon I've ever seen.

[Josh] Wow.

[Chris] But it's like a proper
mother-of-pearl spoon.

-Yeah.
-[Chris] It's gigantic.

So you use mother-of-pearl spoon
so it doesn't leave a…

[Josh]
I learned that from your show.

Yeah. I never knew that.

-f*cking brainy Ike Barinholtz.
-[Chris chuckling] Oh.

A little taste for Chef.

So egg threads, egg yolk, egg whites.

Mmm, sh*t.

[Josh] Wow.

Wait, can I get a picture of this?

Since there's no video documentation.

Did they let you know the cameras
went out about 20 minutes ago?

Did they?

All right, fellas.

Frutti di mare.

[Wiz] Hey, wow.

So diver scallops, Maine lobster,

-Royal Ossetra caviar…
-[all laughing]

…and Santa Barbara uni.

This d*ck
just literally covering up your food.

So this is tteokguk.

This is a recipe from my late mother.

And…

[all laughing]

-Really?
-No, for real! It's actually--

-The sympathy vote?.
-Yeah, I'll do whatever I need to win.

No, um…

So again, traditionally
it's not served this way,

but I thought
because you had a gnocchi course earlier

that this would be a little bit of a play.

Apologies that it's not the texture
that you like, but it's just rice.

I took short grain rice,
I cooked the hell out of it,

blitzed it, added a lot of water,
so it was almost like,

you know, a paste almost,
and it cooked the water out.

I didn't cook all the water out, clearly,

because it was
a little hard to work with.

But basically it's a rice dumpling
and a little beef broth

with some celebratory colors on top.
Bon Appetit.

[Evan]
Dave, you want me to roll the soba?

Yes!

[Chris] What's happening over there?
You guys have a bonus dish happening?

-[Evan] Why not?
-So…

What the f*ck do I do with this?

[David] Um…

Toshikoshi is a soba dish
that is served on New Year's Day in Japan.

And this was a… I haven't really
made soba in 25-plus years.

It's the one course--
one job that I got fired from

that I never wanted to get fired from--
only job I ever got fired from.

And I thought
we'd try to roll something out, but…

[Josh] It's unbelievable.

[David] Oh, man, this is not fair.

He goes straight to the Frutti di Mare.
I don't…

-I don't have a…
-Yo, this soba's weird, dude.

[Josh] It was unbelievable.

-[David] Is it weird?
-No, but, I mean, I just never…

Oh, sorry about that.

Is there a professional who can do this
so I don't look like an as*h*le?

-I do believe we have one of those.
-A little bit less.

Here, I'm gonna let you do this.

Chef, how thick do you want this?

-[David] Um…
-[Evan] Thickness of…

[David] Yeah.

[Josh]
Now, this is a really unique texture.

Yes, because it's just right.

Well, I would say usually it has
a little bit more toothsome mouthfeel.

-[Josh] Yeah.
-But I'll be honest.

I did not reduce it down enough.

I did not make it
exactly the way it needs to be.

-Yeah.
-So that's shame on me.

No, because when I was eating it,

I was, like,
you're a real piece of sh*t, Dave.

[all laughing]

Like, this is not what I signed up for.

Thank you.

All right.

[Chris] Before we rate both these dishes,

can I get a quick rating on
the Tteokguk to see where we are?

I'm gonna let Wiz go first,

and then I'm gonna base mine off of his.

I already know
what I'm doing with that one.

I already know where I'm going.

It's like chicken and dumplings.

[Chris] That's a three-star rating
for Dave's second course.

That's three.

[Chris] The tepid applause
from the in-studio audience.

-Man!
-You know what?

Dave, I'm not gonna give it the full five,
because by your own admission,

you were a real piece of sh*t
when you made that dish.

-But I am gonna give it a four.
-Okay!

Okay, okay.

The effort that went into it.

But I'm gonna have to give your friend
a five,

for what I'm putting in my mouth
right now.

-[cheering, applause]
-[Chris] Okay.

-Evan--
-[Chris] Now, wait. Hold on.

Dave is currently in the lead,
but actually, hold on a second.

I'm hearing there's--
I don't know what this is, Dave.

There's some kind of footage from earlier

that's maybe gonna affect
the scores and the outcome tonight.

I don't know what this is,
but can we play this footage

-of whatever it is?
-[Wiz] What are you talking about?

[Chris]
There's Dave in a hallway, walking down.

Oh, there's our friend Josh… Gad.

What are you doing here, Dave?
What?

[David] I didn't do anything.

[Chris] What are you slipping him?
Oh!

-[all laughing]
-Oh, Dave!

Oh, Dave!

Oh, Dave!

That's the time you gave me hard cash
in my room right before this show.

Oh, man.
Oh, buddy!

What? What's wrong with that?

-[Chris] Oh, buddy.
-What's wrong with that?

[Chris] Sorry, the FCC is in my ear here.

Uh… That's gonna be
a three-point deduction for Dave Chang.

Well, wait a second,
what Dave said exactly was,

"Make sure everything
tastes like a five even if it doesn't."

[all laughing]

[Chris]
All right, to complete our scoring here,

Wiz Khalifa, what's your final score

for the Frutti di Mare Tagliatelle?

All right, so I don't dislike either one
of you guys more than the other.

[all laughing]

[Josh] I already know what's coming.

I love you guys.
I love you guys both the same.

But this sh*t is fire, so…

[cheering, applause]

[applause continues]

That right there is a f*cking
Daniel LaRusso-style comeback, my friend.

[Chris chuckles]

-g*dd*mn it.
-We got one more, though, right?

-Yeah, we do.
-All right, so one more.

But what's the point?
I already lost.

Wiz is like,
hey, you could still do this, buddy.

You can do this, little guy.

[Wiz] You got one more, man.

-[Josh] This is unbelievable.
-We're gonna make do.

We're gonna make do.

Dave, you should try this before you lose.

[laughing]

-[Josh] This is…
-So…

-So this is a soba dish.
-This is not… So, again, um…

You're supposed to serve long noodles,
not short noodles.

I'm sure the entirety of Japan
is freaking the f*ck out

this f*cking knife
and using flour on this.

[David] So the real masters only
use buckwheat, but it's extremely…

Wouldn't you say, Evan,
rolling just straight buckwheat

-is for almost--
-It's worse than this.

It's worse than this.
It's incredibly difficult.

Incredibly difficult
because there's no structure.

There's no matrix.
You can't… It's just…

It's magic.
It's absolute magic.

The people who can do this, it's magic.

Do the real masters
also work in a loft in downtown L.A.?

[all laughing]

Uh… I don't know where my…

Oh, sh*t.

That's delicious.

All right, so we took a duck,
we smoked the duck,

and, um, we made
a broth out of the duck

with some tare and some dashi,
so katsuobushi.

And, um…

it's usually served
in a simple plain broth,

but we smoked it to accentuate
the smoky elements

often found in Japanese cuisine,
which I don't think

a lot of people put together.

I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
Can you…

[laughing]

So for the tare,
I added sugar, sake, mirin,

and I really sort of charred it

to actually caramelize
a lot of the sugars using a hot--

[Chris] Oh, Evan Funke,
going for the ultimate bite.

-Oh, my God.
-[David] Good?

-Unbelievable.
-[David] Good, good.

[Chris] Sorry, Dave,
you were explaining the plunge technique.

Mmm. That sweetness.

-That's very good.
-Wow.

-That's very good.
-Thank you.

Unbelievable.

And I prefer it as a cold soba

so the noodles
don't deteriorate too quickly,

but we wanted to make it
somewhat traditional and authentic

for the holiday edition of the show.

-And that's where we are.
-[Josh] I feel festive as f*ck.

[Chris] Well, you should,
because not only is it a festive episode,

but you, I believe, have won
with a final score of 18 to 13.

-Wha-- 13?!
-Yeah, you got deducted three points

-for the cheating.
-Wow! Do I get to keep this?

-[cheering, applause]
-[Chris] This very…

-fragile…
-Yes.

-[Chris] …very fragile trophy.
-Jesus, what is this made out of?

-It's like a Formula 1 race.
-[crew laughing]

Champagne?

-That is really…
-Hey, I'm jealous.

You won fair and square.

Thanks, Chef.

-Evan Funke, everybody.
-That was f*cking awesome.

[cheering, applause]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

-Wiz. Sorry about the traffic.
-Chef, it was incredible.

Both of you guys,
we were the real winners.

Me, in particular,
because I got to eat for 20 more minutes.

It got a little crazy.
We had a lot of fun.

And we're going to continue eating, so…

[Chris] Thank you to our guests.
Thank you to our…

[cheering, applause]

That's really good.

I liked everything. I loved everything.

So good. This is super interesting.

[mellow, upbeat music]

[metallic whooshing]