Mafianado (2025)

[bunniefuu]

(dramatic orchestral music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

[Nico VO] All right.

So you wanna be one

of us, a made guy?

Amico Nostra.

First, they gotta agree

to open the books,

then you've gotta get made.

You'll be required to

take the Oath of Omerta.

They'll prick your finger.

And once you become a button

man, you are a wise guy.

Soldier first, capo after that.

Consigliere,

underboss after that.

And if you live long

enough, the boss.

A made man enjoys

the full protection

and backing of the crew.

That is, as long as

he remains in favor,

and earns enough money.

You become untouchable

by fellow criminals.

You ought to be

respected and feared,

and don't ever rat

on your friends.

Across the family.

Family is everything

in our thing.

How tornadoes have anything to

do with all this, f*ck knows.

But my guess is

we're gonna find out.

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

So these two Italians, they

get on the bus going to AC,

and they sit in front of

this little old Jewish lady.

They start talking.

The one guy says, Him,

come first, then I come.

Then two asses come together.

I come one more, two asses

they coming together again.

I come again, to be twice.

I come one last time.

So the Jewish blonde, she

hears this conversation

and her jaw is like

on the f*cking floor.

And she says, "You

pigs in this country,

we don't talk about our

sex lives in public."

And the Italian says,

"Hey, cool it down lady."

Who's talking about sex?

I'm just telling my friend

how to spell Mississippi.

(all chuckling)

[Nico] Even to this

day, nobody believes me.

But this crew, these

fat f*ck right there,

these are the guys

that really ran Jersey.

Joey Beats was the

muscle, hence the name.

Look at the mouth on this guy.

Remo Tutos Camuso was the

under boss of the family.

Rumor has it, that

after he whacked a guy,

he sent two of their toes back

home to their wife and kids.

Buzzy Melina was a

capo. He was all right.

Buzzy never said too much.

He mostly just took orders.

And then there was Joe Durra,

the boss of the family.

When this Momo spoke,

it was for a reason

and you better believe

the whole room stopped

what they were f*cking doing,

and f*cking listened.

Just like this.

(all chuckling)

I don't get it.

He's spelling Mississippi,

but the Jew thinks

he's being cute.

Where are we with the thing?

What thing?

The thing down

there, you know?

Oh, that thing.

Yeah, we took care

of that already.

So it's done?

[Remo] It's done.

- Eh, salud,

- [Together] Salud.

Salud.

What about the other guy?

[Buzzy] Which guy?

The other guy.

A friend that may or

may not have disappeared

in the Meadowlands.

So what do you

wanna do about that?

I already talked to the guy.

And?

Smart a*s drove all

the way up to Seacaucus

to give the cafone a

smack in the mouth.

I remember Seacaucus.

I got my first hand job there.

I was 15.

Oh yeah? How old was

the other guy, huh?

I don't know. Why don't

you ask your sister?

She was there.

- Eh, salud.

- [Together] Salud.

Salud.

There is one more

point of order at hand.

That package, a friend down

South stashed away for us.

What about it?

We gotta move it.

It's no big deal.

What do you mean, moving?

I mean, we gotta

get it out of there.

f*cking condominiums.

I'm f*cking telling you.

Whatever happened to

small town America?

Nah. Nah, it's not like that.

It's just the weatherman says

there's a tornado coming.

What are you now, the

f*cking weather channel?

It's just, I don't

think I need to explain

how bad it would look if a

certain someone's rotting corpse

went flying past the screen

during the six o'clock news.

Like in "Twister."

Huh?

The movie. The goggles

flying past the screen.

Anyway, I think

it would behoove us

to send someone down

there to dig it up.

You know, the way I see

it, why take a chance?

Alright, Joey, you

and Buzzy go out there

and take care of it.

Boss, I got that

thing in the city.

Yeah, me too, Joe.

Everybody's got a f*cking

thing in the city now?

What are we doing over here?

It's my Goomah.

She's got surgery on her tooth.

I got the no-show on Saturday.

And that sanitation

guy in New Milford

is being a real pain in my a*s.

What are you gonna do, boss?

Surgery,

sanitation. Call Nico.

Let him contact me right away.

[Nico] This is where

I come in, a soldier.

Whatever the f*ck.

I just do what Joe and

Remo tell me to do,

and don't ask questions.

Simple as that.

I did my job, I got

paid and that was that.

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

[Joe] Nico, listen to me,

I got a problem I want

you to take care of.

Sure, Joe. Anything.

You know that.

The garden down south is

making us a lot of money,

and business is

good in the streets.

Recession proof.

Having said that,

there's a package

that we need to move down there.

What package?

The kind we don't want

to come back to haunt us.

Remo says there's some kind

of a bad weather in the area

or whatever the f*ck.

So I think you go down

there, work with that guy,

take things from

here to over there.

You think you can do that?

Of course. No problem.

Bring me the f*cking thing.

That's it, boss.

You ain't gonna count it?

I trust you.

Besides, if it's short,

who am I gonna b*tch to?

You do this for me,

we'll talk about

making you bones, kid.

All right.

[Nico VO] I had

one job, no big deal.

Only problem was I had

to convince my old lady

this was work.

And not me disappearing

for a weekend

with the boys with some skank.

(bright music)

(bag banging)

(bright music)

Where do you

think you're going?

We talked about this, Alessia.

You expect me to believe

they're just gonna send you down

to Texas just like that?

It's part of the job.

Job? What job?

You hardly get paid.

And that electrician post

at my uncle's company,

that was a job, a real

one with benefits and all.

And what you do is try and act

like you're some half

a wise guy pulling jobs

for Buzzy Melina and Joey Bats.

Beats, Joey Beats.

Bats, Beats,

whatever the f*ck.

Point is, there's no

future in this for you.

- Really?

- Yes, really.

We're wasting all my

childbearing years waiting for you

to earn your stripes.

Not to mention you're

gone all the time.

I swear, sometimes I feel

like my vibrator knows

how to turn me on

better than you.

You weren't saying

that when I brought home

that Chanel watch or

that Cardi and mink coat.

Oh, well that was different.

Those were gifts.

Look, I don't have

time for this, okay.

I need to be on the road.

Here, take this.

You pay some of the

bills, spend the rest.

But what if I wanna get my

nails done while you're gone?

Then spend it. I don't care.

Just stop breaking

my ba*ls, all right.

Be back in a few days.

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

(telephone ringing)

Sullivan.

[Caller] Agent Sullivan,

we're calling for a status.

This is what I have.

So Joseph, Buzzy Melina,

who was the father, deceased,

ran things down on

Maple Avenue in the 70's

for the Dura Crime family.

Crack, heroin, he spent

10 months in counting,

another 16 on railway.

(bright music)

(car engine revving)

(tires screeching)

(bright music)

He was shot and

k*lled on his way home

from the corner store.

And all we found

on the body was $6

in losing lottery tickets and

a Kiwi strawberry Snapple.

[Caller] Ooh, that's

the worst f*cking flavor.

I agree. It's too sweet.

[Caller] Tell

me about the kid.

The kid? That's Joey Junior.

He's also known as Buzzy.

He currently serves as Capo,

still making stops on Maple Lab

as well as Jefferson

and Hamlin Avenues.

He's a made guy.

[Caller] Made guy,

you think you can flip?

That's right.

[Caller] You're

sure about that?

Well, Buzzy isn't what

we would call book smart.

He's a good earner for Joe Dura.

But he is not very intelligent.

Chances are I can bring him in.

Pin something on him

that I think could stick.

Chances are, he'll crack

faster than super glue bonds.

All I need is your approval.

[Caller] All

right, you have it.

Lemme call you back.

(dramatic music)

[News Reporter] It won't

be until the evening time

on Thursday when we

do start to see...

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

(bright music continues)

(bright music continues)

(thunder roaring)

(birds chirping)

(thunder roaring)

(door rattling)

(door creaking)

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Joe Durra sent me.

(gentle music)

(gentle music)

(gentle music continues)

(suspense music)

(suspense music continues)

(thunder roaring)

(intense music)

(intense music)

(intense music)

(thunder roaring)

(thunder roaring)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music continues)

(suspense music continues)

(intense music)

What the f*ck?

You scared the sh*t out of me,

I thought you were dead.

Dead? No.

Must have squeezed too hard.

f*cking passed out.

I was eating your sandwich.

A sandwich?

Yeah. (Indistinct).

You want?

I'm good.

Joe Dura sent me to

take care of that thing.

What thing?

The thing you hid

down here, our friend.

Ah, okay, the thing, yeah.

Lorenzo.

Well, let me finish up here.

Make yourself at home.

What's your name, kid?

Nico Savini?

Yeah. Savini?

What part of the boot

your parents from?

Salerno.

No sh*t. Sicily here.

Well, Calabria first and

the island after that.

Can I get you something? A beer?

No. And if it's

all the same to you,

I'd rather move the package

and get back on the road.

And there's a storm coming in.

[News Reporter] See

some rain arriving.

Mother f*cking Texas man.

Nature, all this sh*t,

weather changes from hour

to hour. f*cking hate it.

Yeah. Well, Joe Dura,

he wants this done fast.

So you wanna show

me where it's at?

No problem.

Sun's out, I'll go

get the shovels.

(bright music)

Dude, there's f*cking bugs

here all over the place.

There's this thing

called Chiggers.

I woke up one night and

my ba*ls were itching

like I had some kind of

STI or something like that.

And I looked down and I

had these little spots,

and they f*cking

come from the grass

'cause I was doing like

some tanning the other day.

Then I was taking this

pottery class, right.

And I had an idea as you make

molds of women's, you know,

vaginas, and then you

kind of sell it, you know?

It depends on what

you want to do.

But I think it's a...

(bright music)

You better be square with me.

You ain't gonna

believe this sh*t.

What is it?

Our friend downstairs,

he's been talking to the feds.

What? Says who?

I just talked to

our guy, wiretaps,

the whole nine f*cking yards.

We need to be 100%.

He swears up and down,

he is 100% cooperating.

f*cking rat.

You, you want me to call Nico?

You know the kid's been

looking to make his bones.

Yeah. Call Nico.

Have him show him the

other thing first,

and take care of

the other thing.

So just to clarify, I'm

gonna have him dig two holes.

All right.

Yeah, it's me, we got a problem.

Sure. All right.

Oh. Okay.

What's up?

It's here, I think.

It's been a f*cking minute.

Was it there?

Is it not there?

With the rain, I

don't know. Maybe.

Well, only one

way to find out.

Keep f*cking digging.

What is it?

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

Sounds like

someone's screaming.

(suspense music)

[Alessia] Nico!

Where the hell did you go?

Nico!

Get over here!

Nico.

Alessia?

Took you long enough

to open the trunk, Nico.

I was f*cking dying in there.

What the f*ck

are you doing here?

Who the f*ck is this?

Nevermind who I am.

Answer the question. What

the hell took you so long?

What the f*ck was

I supposed to...

Wait, how'd you get in there?

I followed you after

you left the apartment,

and stuck into the back

when you stopped off

to get cigarettes.

Wait, you know this broad?

She's my girlfriend.

Who's this?

The guy you came to see?

I bet the sluts

are in the house.

Sluts, yeah.

There's nobody else

here. This is insane.

You're going home now!

How's she gonna get back?

And Remo wants us to

move this thing along.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not going anywhere

until I know this isn't some

sort of bachelor's weekend.

What are we

f*cking doing here?

Yeah, what are we

doing here, Nico?

Shut the f*ck up!

Both of you.

Alessia, you stay here.

You don't move

until I come back.

Lorenzo, just keep

f*cking digging.

You understand?

Do you understand?

- I gotta go to the bathroom.

- [Nico] What?

Yeah, I've been holding

it for like seven hours,

I really got to piss.

Jesus. Could she use

your bathroom or what?

Sure. Down the hall

to the left, hun.

Thank you.

Ooh f*ck, look at that a*s, bro.

Ew!

Good job.

She's not gonna be

a problem, right?

How the f*ck am

I supposed to know?

Just get moving.

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

That him?

It's gotta be.

Wait here, I'll get the bags.

Hey. Yeah, we found him,

but we got a problem.

Brought his broad with them.

Got it.

Alas poor Yuric.

Ugly m*therf*cker.

Right, right. I

get it. I get it.

You ain't gonna

believe this sh*t.

What is it?

Nico, boss sent him downstairs

to take care of that thing.

His girlfriend made the trip.

Now the whole

f*cking thing is gone

(speaking foreign language).

So what do you wanna do?

You want us to go down there,

talk to somebody or what?

What about your

Goomah and your no-show?

Remo, this is

some serious sh*t.

All right, the tooth

can g*dd*mn wait.

Yeah, the no-show too.

I'll just call

Petey from Philly.

He'll handle it.

Alright. Alright. Use

two to go down there.

Our friend, Nico

even the girlfriend,

they all gotta go, right?

- Got it. Remo.

- [Remo] Alright, take this.

You didn't catch it.

Look, if I knew you were

actually gonna throw it

to me.

- Now, just go.

- I was going to...

- Just. Go!

g*dd*mn!

(cheerful music)

(pen clicking)

Shouldn't I have a lawyer

or some sh*t over here?

I don't know. Should you?

I don't know.

That's what I'm asking you.

Well, I know what

you're asking me,

but if you didn't

do anything wrong,

you have nothing to hide,

why do you need a lawyer?

You came in, no warrant, right?

All right.

So what's this all about then?

You know what this is?

Eh? My wife's twat hair.

Close. Bergen County

PD pulled this off

a body night before last

in the Passaic River.

So?

Passaic River, route four.

Real close to Maple Ave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are you f*cking

Google Maps or what?

Guy can't walk around

downtown anymore?

Wrong neighborhood now?

The DNA on this

hair matches yours.

You care to explain that?

So what happens next?

One, I can arrest your a*s,

you go to jail, Joe Dura

pay some poor guy in Pod D

to shank your a*s while you're

beating off in the shower.

Or B, just cooperate.

- Cooperate?

- You feed me information.

Yeah, feed you information.

What information?

Anything I want.

It's either that or

I arrest your a*s.

You go away forever and we'll

probably never see you again.

All right. What

do you wanna know?

For starters, what's Joe

Dura got going on in the south?

And don't sit there

and tell me nothing.

I have an insider that tells

me that you and Joey Beats

are headed that way

and I wanna know why.

All right, he

sent us down there.

There's a package

that needs moving,

and that and a couple

other three things.

I'm all ears.

Alright, well there's

Mo and there's Curly

and I can't remember the

other f*cking guy's name.

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music)

Nico. What are the

garbage bags for?

Jesus, I forgot you were here.

You're cutting up

bodies, aren't you?

No.

Oh, really?

Because your friend out there

looks like the kind of guy

that would cut some

poor schmuck up,

and bury him in the woods.

Listen to me.

You are not even supposed

to be here, all right?

There are certain

aspects about my job

that you can't be involved in.

Aspects? The putting

bodies into garbage bags,

those kind of aspects?

Exactly.

Lorenzo, what the f*ck?

Remo and Joe Dura

don't like the idea

of you bringing your

stupid lady to work.

Remo was the one who

brought me down here

in the first place.

Yeah. Well, I

just talked to him.

Things change.

All right, so you have no

idea what you getting into here.

- Oh yeah.

- Yeah.

Joe Dura. He knows you're

working for the FBI.

Told me to take you out

after we moved the body.

Oh, I f*cking knew it.

What the f*ck?

That's what the

garbage bags was for.

Will you shut

this hoe up, please.

Hoe! Who you calling a hoe?

Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.

Hey, we can all get

out of this, all right.

Let's make a deal.

You and me.

It's not gonna

happen, you stupid f*ck.

Remo wants you dead,

which means Joe Dura

wants you dead too.

Which also means that

Buzzy and Joey Beats

are on their way here right now.

Yeah. Think about it.

Not taking any chances, outside.

Both of you's! Now!

Outside? It's about

to start raining,

I'm not going out there.

My hair's gonna frizz right off.

f*ck your hair!

I don't want blood on my floors.

It takes for f*cking

ever having to clean up!

Outside. Move! Now!

Hurry up!

You two, dickhead, go!

Hurry the f*ck up.

Move it, Nico.

(thunder rattling)

(wind howling)

(rubble crashing)

(sheep bleating)

(cow lowing)

(intense music)

All right, that's far enough.

On your knees, both of you's!

Still glad you came on

this little work trip?

Oh, this is your fault.

My fault? I wouldn't

be in this mess

if you didn't stow

away in the trunk.

Yeah. Well, I wouldn't

have felt the need

to tag along if I trusted you.

- Trust me?

- Yeah, the strippers.

That was my birthday.

What do you want from me?

You love strippers.

a*s all in your face. Admit it.

Asses.

Yeah.

You like Puerto Rican asses.

(g*nsh*t firing)

Enough! On your

f*cking knees now!

This is it, Nico.

We're gonna f*cking die.

We're gonna die.

(thunder rattling)

All right, let's do

this Sadie Hawkins style.

Who gets it first?

Do me first.

I was talking to the lady.

Don't you know what

Sadie Hawkins is?

No.

It's like high school.

You know the dance?

It's where the

girls ask the guys

instead of the other way around.

I knew it.

See. Smart gal.

Too bad. She's gotta get...

(lightning striking)

(intense music)

- Is he?

- Dead?

He's a f*cking

charcoal briquette.

What do you think?

What should we do with him?

Storm's coming in, right?

Go inside where it's safe.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Do you really wanna know?

There you go. Go inside.

There you go. I

got it. I got it.

Piece of sh*t.

(cheerful music)

(owl howling)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music continues)

So his name was

Mikey Stacks Bellino,

one of the Marino

families top guys.

He was sausage and peppers

at the Highway

five diner off 208.

When Joe Dura walks in

and orders this Arancini.

An hour later, Mikey was never

seen or heard from again.

Buzzy says they buried

the body down south.

[Caller] In Texas.

Yeah, that's right.

Some sh*t h*le cabin

that Remo Camuso owns.

And get this, the guy

they stashed down there

to help keep an eye on this

corpse, he's one of our guys.

[Caller] Our guys. Which? Who?

He's an informant of ours.

He's a real piece of work too.

His name is Lorenzo Vitelli.

[Caller] Vitelli. Yeah.

His old man used to run

a tire shop. No sh*t.

Yeah. And some low

level guy is down there.

He's supposed to move

Mikey's dead bones,

and then take care of Lorenzo.

The only thing is

some wires got crossed

and now there's

some broad involved.

And Joe Dura wants this

whole thing whitewashed.

Buzzy and Joey Beats

are headed there now

to take care of all of them.

It's the f*cking wild west.

You know what I mean?

[Caller] The diner.

The argument between

Joe Dura and Mikey,

what was it about?

Argument?

The Arancini, peas

or mozzarella.

[Caller] f*cking gangsters.

Everyone knows it's

ragu and mozzarella.

(intense music)

(intense music)

Hey, pack your sh*t.

We're leaving.

- We can't leave.

- What?

Remo is gonna find out

about you being here.

He's gonna send guys down

here to k*ll us. Okay?

This is your fault. Now

you tell me we can't leave.

No, it's not that, the news,

they shut the highways down.

There's a massive

storm coming this way.

Oh f*ck, okay, that's right.

Let me think.

I say we hunk it down here.

I mean, if we can't get out,

whatever guys Remo sends down

here can't get in, right?

That's actually true.

I don't know.

I mean, maybe we could

make a weekend out of it.

What?

Oh, come on, Nico.

We never do anything

alone just the two of us.

Alessia, there's a dead

body in the backyard.

Yeah, well besides that,

it could be kind of nice.

I'm going to shower.

You, stay here and

don't do anything.

In fact, lock the door.

Don't go near the

windows until I get back.

Yeah?

Fine.

(intense music)

(thunder rattling)

(lightning striking)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music)

I don't know, man.

This whole navigation's f*cked

up 'cause of these trees.

I f*cking hate lightning.

f*ck.

Alright, man.

Alright, let's go this way.

(gentle music)

(gentle music)

This drop pin f*cking bullshit!

g*dd*mn useless.

Alright, look, this is

what we're gonna do.

This is the plan.

We're gonna find the cabin.

We're gonna find Nico.

We're gonna find his

little girlfriend,

and we're gonna do the

both of them, all right?

And then we're gonna

get the f*ck outta Dodge

before this tornado hits.

f*ck around, have us

both under the cabin

like that g*dd*mn witch.

What witch?

The witch.

You know from the movie.

The little guy who

hung himself, man.

The little guy hung himself.

"The Wizard of Oz."

The munchkin hung himself?

Well, not in

front of everybody,

behind scenes on a

f*cking crane dummy.

No sh*t!

I tell you what, who wouldn't

wanna take the easy way out?

Am I right?

The easy way out?

Yeah. When I go,

I want it to be on my

own terms, you know.

The f*ck is the

matter with you?

You know the little guy ain't

f*cking part of our thing.

I know that.

All right.

Let's just find the cabin,

get the f*ck outta these woods.

Probably filled

with ticks and sh*t.

(cheerful music)

Okay, here's the plan.

There's a diner.

Off route 23, okay.

I passed it on the way in.

We're gonna head there.

We're way out the storm, right?

That way when Joe

Dura's guys get here,

we're halfway out

the f*cking state.

- And then what?

- I don't know.

Oklahoma, Mimi.

Oklahoma? What am I

gonna do in Oklahoma?

Not be dead, okay.

Hey, they have casinos

with all the shots

and the little Asian babies,

you'll love it, okay?

- But what about my mother?

- What about her?

I mean, am I ever

gonna see her again?

Jesus, Alessia, we are not

going to witness protection.

It's just for a

little while, okay?

Until things calm down.

(lightning striking)

Oh, geez. Great.

Now we can't see sh*t.

Just look around for the keys.

Let's get the f*ck outta here.

- What was that?

- I don't know.

(birds chirping)

Go round back.

(birds chirping)

(gentle music)

- Someone's here.

- I'll go check it out.

Stay here.

(thunder roaring)

Well, who is it?

They here.

- Who?

- UPS.

Who do you f*cking think?

It's Buzzy.

Oh my God, this is it.

I'm gonna die.

- No, we're gonna be fine.

- Yeah,

they're gonna get into

the house and sh**t us,

and then they're gonna chop

us up into little pieces

and put us into...

- Hey, hey, hey, shh!

One of those

f*cking garbage bags!

Hey, hey, hey!

Nothing's gonna happen, okay?

We're gonna be okay.

Just go in that back

room, get in the closet,

and don't come out

until I tell you to.

What are you gonna do?

Shh! What I'm

good at, all right.

Don't go out.

Now, go.

(suspense music)

(thunder roaring)

(Sheep bleating)

(car crashing)

(suspense music)

(Nico whistling)

Nico, baby boy.

We haven't heard from you,

the Skip was worrying.

- Is that right?

- Yeah.

I mean, with this

whole storm coming,

I mean, he just...

Why take any chances?

Uh-huh.

So our friend that delivered

the package over here,

you take care of that or what?

It's done.

Okay. How bout we go inside

before we have a lightning

bolt shoved up our

asses, you know?

You alone?

Yeah, I'm alone.

Joey couldn't make it.

He had some business with his

Goomah or some sh*t like that.

I don't know.

It's f*cking freezing. Let's go!

Nico.

- All right.

Let's go inside.

Some f*cking place,

I'll tell you that.

What the f*ck you doing?

Whoa. Whoa. Easy.

Easy, Nico. Easy.

All right, it's f*cking noodles.

All right, No big deal.

Shut the f*ck up!

Nico.

(intense music)

(blood gushing)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

Nico. Nico, what's wrong?

Oh my God.

What happened?

I told you to

stay in the bedroom!

Oh my God, Nico, we have

to get the hell outta here.

Yeah, well, Joey

Beats is still outside.

There's another one?

Get in the back.

This time, no matter what,

stay there until I

tell you to come out.

Okay.

(footsteps thudding)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music)

(suspense music continues)

(suspense music continues)

(lightning striking)

(suspense music continues)

Nico.

Nico.

- Joey.

Where the f*ck is Buzzy at?

Which part?

Some of his lungs

are on the porch,

and his brains are a couple

steps down from there.

Remo sent you down here

to k*ll me, didn't he?

Tell me the truth, or I

blow your f*cking head off.

Yeah. It was the broad.

Our friend called, when

Remo found out she was here,

it pissed him off.

You know, Remo. He's

a very emotional guy.

Toss the g*n on

the sofa, there.

Do it, now.

Listen, Nico, you know I

cannot go back like this.

All right, what

do you suggest?

You cannot go back either.

Well, if you're suggesting

that we k*ll each

other, you go first.

Not that. But I don't know.

Maybe the girl goes and we'll

see what happens from there.

Are you suggesting

that I k*ll Alessia

to save your sorry a*s?

Not just me, this

is for you too.

Sorry about that.

About what?

This!

(hammer banging)

(Alessia grunting)

Open the door.

Nico, what about the tornado?

Open the f*cking door.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna throw

his a*s in the lawn.

What do you think?

But he'll die.

What do you think

will happen to us

if you don't open

the f*cking door?

(bright music)

- Now what?

- Now we wait.

Wait for what?

What did you do?

(thunder roaring)

(lightning striking)

You sons of b*tches!

f*ck you!

Oh sh*t.

You sons of b*tches!

Mother f*ck!

Hey, hey, hey, it's okay.

It's okay. We're safe.

It's over.

How do you know?

(indistinct).

Only one thing to do now.

What's that?

What's that, dear?

I'm sorry I hid in your

trunk during your work trip.

It's okay.

It's just tough.

- Okay.

- We're leaving.

- Okay.

We're leaving.

(gentle music)

(bright music)

God, I f*cking

hate this place.

[Caller] What do

you mean, everyone?

Everyone.

- [Caller] Everyone, who?

- I mean everyone.

All of them.

Lorenzo, Buzzy, they're gone.

Or they've at least ghosted me.

[Caller] Ghost? Wait a minute.

Who? What ghost?

Ghost, ghosted.

It's an expression.

[Caller] Well, why the f*ck

didn't you just say that?

Ghosted, an expression

means I can't get any of them

to call me back.

[Caller] All right, all right.

Maybe, I don't know.

Have you thought maybe it's

time you go down there?

No. I have a feeling this

whole job went sideways.

[Caller] Speaking of sideways,

we saw they had some

bad storms down there.

You think that

might have happened?

You know it's a nice thought.

But the idea that

some bad weather

just picked these gumbas

up off their asses

and wipe them off the

face of the Earth,

just sounds kind of

convenient, don't you think?

[Caller] Alright, calm down.

It's just a suggestion.

In the meantime,

you keep trying.

Someone answers their phone,

you let us know, yeah?

Yeah, will do.

(cheerful music)

Every f*cking

hand, all night long.

Where's that, Buzzy?

He'll be late to

his own funeral.

(Nico knocking)

Yeah. Who is it?

Nico?

What the hell is this sh*t?

He sent me down to Texas,

he sent some guys

down there to k*ll me.

Look, Nico, it's

not like that.

Not like that?

How's it like, like this?

(g*nsh*t firing)

- Hold your f*cking horses!

- I'm holding.

Let's talk about this, kid.

What do you want?

- Five.

- Thousands?

No, not thousand.

Offshore, bank account

of my choosing.

5 million.

5 million, your bank. Good?

Alright, put down

the f*cking g*n.

I also want capo, and

that part is non-negotiable.

Capo, you're nuts.

You're a good earner, kid.

But Capo, that I can't do.

You are the boss

of this family.

You do what you want.

(speaking foreign

language), look around.

You k*lled three

guys all connected.

To earn your stripes,

you need friends.

And right now, that's

something you don't have.

Capo.

Fine kid. No problem.

But you won't be able to

walk your baby nuts down

the block to enjoy it.

Why is that?

(speaking foreign

language), You not one of us.

(g*nsh*t firing)

(g*nshots firing)

(cheerful music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(indistinct) A gangster?

(dramatic orchestral music)

[Caller] Agent

Sullivan, you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

[Caller] Look, I

think it's safe to say

you win some, you lose some.

Gee, thanks for the pep talk.

[Caller] I'm just saying,

they can't all be home runs.

You gotta hit some singles.

Take a week, call us when

you had a little bit of time

to let it marinate.

Yeah, understood.

[Caller] I'm serious,

Sullivan, you can take a trip,

you get your nails done.

I'll talk to you

when I talk to you.

[Caller] Oh, Sullivan, for

the record, the Arancini, peas.

My grandmother come in

from the old country,

she'd have my a*s if I

admitted it any other way.

And you're willing to get

your a*s clipped for it?

[Caller] Not exactly.

I'll talk to you in a week.

All right.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(dramatic orchestral

music continues)

What happened?

Good news. We made a deal.

A deal? What kind of deal?

The kind that keeps us alive.

So where we headed to next?

Somewhere without mafia,

no f*cking tornadoes.

Is your uncle still hiring?

I can call him.

(gentle music)

(birds chirping)

(gentle music)

(gentle music)

(gentle music continues)

(beeping)

[Producer] Like this.

Now hold your f*cking horses!

[Producer] Action.

(bright music)

Okay, still rolling, we'll stop.

Okay, take a deep breath.

We'll do it one more time.

(beeping)

Okay, keep that neck nice

and long the whole way over.

Okay and action.

(beeping)

I'm not as fit as I look.

Don't do cardio,

any of that sh*t.

No abs.

You mother, sons of b*tches!

(beeping)

[Producer] Arms

out to the sides.

Sons of b*tches!

[Producer] Cut.

(beeping)

(muffled overlapping chatter)

So we're gonna

try to get a job.

He's like bullshitting lately.

I love him.

- Can we get somebody in here,

clean this up?

Then he is (indistinct)

You know that nobody is...

He's in Rome, you

gotta understand,

it's like 2000 years

ago in Rome, right?

So his agent walks up

and he says hey...

- [Buzzy] Yeah.

I got a job for you

at Caesars Palace.

He said the real Caesars palace.

(all chuckling)

I like the one in Vegas.

The real one.

You never seen that?

[Remo] (indistinct)

[Joe] That's a

freaking classic.

[Buzzy] What are

we talking about?

[Joe] The history of

the world, part one.

[Buzzy] Nah man.

That's just old people.

You know what I'm saying?

Classics never get old.

What do you watch?

- "SpongeBob" and mostly...

- "SpongeBob?"

"Lilo and Stitch."

No, I'm f*cking around.

Hell no. (Indistinct) about.

(beeping)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

(bright music continues)