02x03 - Triangle of Badness

[bunniefuu]

[scribbling]

[scribbling]

[upbeat music playing]

[Isla] I never had a lot
of female friends growing up.

My mother taught me
all women were threats.

So it wasn't until college
when I made my first real girlfriend,

but boy, did she hate me.

What the f*ck, Isla?

You passed out drunk
with the hot plate on my bed again.

[Isla] She eventually accepted
my Cali girl charm,

and somehow this angry little Chicago "B"
became my closest girlfriend.

Best birthday ever.

[Isla] Mm-hmm.

These taste just like
the ones from Wrigley.

Well, that's 'cause they are.

Sammy Sosa is a family friend.

What?

♪ Do it, whoo ♪

[both sobbing]

[girl on TV] His face hurts.

[both crying] He can't see
without his glasses.

[Isla] We were inseparable.

[Isla screams, cheers]

[both] Chug, chug, chug, chug.

[Isla and Ali scream]

[Isla] Our college friendship turned into
a beautiful working relationship...

- [laughs]
- It's true.

...until she decided to betray me
to go work for another team...

Do we have a deal?

...in the most boring place on earth.

Are you seriously going to Toronto?

I have to. Magnus offered me
a promotion and more money.

- I know you can't match it.
- So this is about the office and raise?

Yes, Isla, it was about those things
I was promised but didn't get.

You know, and more importantly,
it's about being valued.

Of course I value you.

You're my best friend.

Well, then you should encourage me
to take this opportunity.

What, and move to Canada?

You're gonna freeze to death.
You use your seat heaters in July.

I love Toronto. It's cool.
They just hosted a season of Top Chef.

- That means nothing since Padma left.
- Oh.

This is outrageous.
I can't believe you're doing this to me.

To you?

Have you ever considered
that I'm doing this for me?

You know, probably not because
that's what a good friend would do.

A good friend? You're my maid of honor.

How are you supposed to do that
if you're thousands of miles away

or millions of miles away
or wherever Toronto is?

Well, apologies
for making a major life decision

without keeping your
ever-changing wedding calendar in mind.

[tense music playing]

Sorry, that came out wrong.

No, it's fine.

Didn't realize I was such a burden,

so don't worry
about being my maid of honor.

I'll have one of my sisters-in-law do it.
So you're off the hook, Ali.

Fine.

Fine.

[tense music ends]

Well, if that's it then...

[inhales deeply]

...goodbye.

- Bye.
- [Ali clears throat]

Ness!

Oh God.
Tell Bituin that she's been promoted.

Well, I've actually been meaning
to tell you this,

but Bituin doesn't want to be
in your bridal party.

She refuses to wear matching dresses.

♪ Breathe ♪

♪ Ready for me ♪

♪ Now watch me go get it, baby ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Uh... ♪

[announcer] It's been an exciting
opening night at Ally Bank Arena,

but LA is trailing down the stretch.

Oh, dammit.

Hey, Isla... Isla, can I get Ali's seat?
I got mustard on mine.

- No.
- I'm coming over.

- Ugh, God, Ness.
- Here we go. Here we go.

Look, I know it's only one game
and we're getting used to a new coach.

- But this should've been an easy W.
- There's still time, okay. We got this.

[announcer] Bugg surveys
at the top of the key.

Travis drives.
He's gotta unload it. Dyson's open.

[crowd cheers]

Bugg swings it to Coburn
for an impossibly deep three.

- [buzzer sounds]
- And LA drops the season opener.

- Bugg had Dyson open under the basket.
- [whistle blows]

Yo, bro, you ain't see me?
I was wide open.

I saw you.

- [Ness] I don't know how he missed him.
- [Norm] Wow.

What the hell was that?

He makes that shot,

this whole crowd goes home
with curly fries.

[upbeat music playing]

[Charlie] Okay. Uh, great,
you'll email me my call time.

Okay, thank you. [chuckles]

Okay.

Sounds like somebody got
their first big Hollywood gig.

Well, don't get too excited.

My, uh... my role is featured background
on a reality show.

[inhales] We don't even get
the same crafty.

Well, you know, it beats laying around
on the couch all day playing Minecraft.

Well, I... Yeah, I just... I don't know.
I really wanted to do narrative.

Like be on White Lotus or something.

I think there might be a few steps

in between former dog groomer
and star of The White Lotus.

Not if you're young, hot,
and read straight.

You read straight.

- So I'm not young and hot?
- Neither of us are young.

Look, all I'm saying is
that this is an opportunity.

I mean, what if Mike White sees you
in this featured background role?

Okay. Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Good. Great. Exciting.

So not only
are the Waves off to a rocky start,

we're also hearing rumors
of a love triangle

that is threatening
to tear apart the locker room.

Here's the deets.

Dyson Gibbs has been getting serious
with sexy actress Zoé Debay

who was previously linked, very briefly,
with his teammate Travis Bugg.

Is this a throuple gone bad?

As someone
who's been kicked out of a threesome,

I can tell you
that is gonna sting for a while.

How did we not know about this? Ness?

'Cause Ali was always
the one on top of player gossip.

They never realized
she was on their text chain.

Yeah, she usually put out these fires.

I mean, Ali's small,
but the players were scared of her.

- Not just the players.
- Can we stop talking about my ex-friend?

We've got to figure out
how to fix this Travis-Dyson feud.

Is this gonna affect the sketch I wrote
with Travis and Dyson playing charades?

You know what, Jackie?

I love you more than anyone here,
but no one cares. We gotta Bluesky this.

- What are you doing?
- Checking Bluesky.

Seeing if anyone has any Zoé Debay goss.

If this is a locker-room issue,
shouldn't the coach deal with it?

Yes, Norm can fix this. Thank you, Sandy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I just found
an AI video of Dyson and Travis kissing.

Wow. At least I think it's AI,

but if not, problem solved.

In women's hoop news,

LA power forward Brielle Mande
has been suspended again.

This time
for flipping the double bird to the crowd

during Girl Scout Appreciation Night.

What a crazy b*tch.

And before you try to cancel me,

I have two daughters.

- That's sweet. He's a girl dad.
- Blech!

[upbeat music playing]

[wind blowing]

This is where the moose sausage gets made.

- [Ali chuckles]
- You ready to meet and memorize 158 names?

Oh, uh, sure. [chuckles]

I'm kidding. There's only 113 of us.

- [laughs softly]
- [Magnus laughs]

Okay.

Hi, y'all.

This is the incredible Ali Lee, our new
Vice President of Basketball Operations.

- [all applaud]
- [Ali] Oh.

Hi. Uh, I can't wait to get started.

I am so excited to be here.

Go Trappers!

- [Ali laughs nervously]
- [man] Hmm.

[softly] It's "Goooo Trappers."

- [softly] Oh. [chuckles]
- It's okay.

- [Magnus] Come on.
- Oh.

We've arrived.

Your new home away from home.

This is incredible.

[Magnus] Mm-hmm.

On a clear day,
you can see suburban Buffalo from here.

[laughs softly]

- You must be Ali Lee.
- Yes.

- Welcome.
- Oh, thank you.

I'm brewing a fresh pot of cocoa.
How do you take yours?

Uh, with marshmallows and whipped cream.

Oh, the whole shebang, eh?

Of course you know Carl, our CEO.

Oh, CEO.

Let me guess.

Cocoa executive officer?

[all laugh]

Magnus, you didn't tell me
you hired Jim Carrey.

[imitating Jim Carrey] Somebody stop me.

[all laugh]

♪This one is for the dream ♪

♪Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪This one is for the dream ♪

Coach, we have an urgent situation
that needs your attention.

It's Dyson and Travis.

Oh, is this because I keep mixing up
their names because I got a trick now.

Dyson is Black.

Travis is white.

- That's a good trick.
- Like the cookie.

Norm, Dyson and Travis hate each other

because they're fighting over this girl,
Zoé Debay.

Wait, wait, wait, from Triple Trouble?

Oh, I used to love that show.

I'd watch that with my daughter.
Then she married that son of a b*tch.

He's... he's an indoor rock climber.

- I need you to talk to them and fix it.
- To who? The triplets?

- You know that's one girl, right?
- The players, Norm.

- What are you going to say to them?
- Okay, yeah, I get it.

I got a thing that always works.

Just... just make sure you come to practice,
and... and I'll put the pieces together.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Turn it up ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- [whistle blows]
- Bring it in.

Let's go, hustle up.

- Bring it in.
- [assistant coach] Let's go.

- Hold this.
- Yeah.

Okay, gentlemen,
it's come to my attention that...

[clears throat] ...there's some trouble
in the locker room. Huh?

Maybe over a woman.

The point is
we're gonna nip it in the bud.

Hold that up.

Tell me what you see here.

Golden Gate Bridge.

Wrong.

It's a metaphor.

I mean, yeah, yeah,
it... it is the Golden Gate Bridge.

And a lot of brave Italians
lost their lives trying to build it.

What I'm trying to get at is this puzzle
could be the f*cking championship

if we just bridge our differences
and work together. Heh?

Okay, now is there something wrong
with this puzzle?

Travis?

I mean, obviously two pieces are missing.

My man! Yes!

There's two pieces missing.

Travis... this is you.

Dyson... this is you.

You go right in there.

[assistant coach] Mm-hmm.

- Hold on. He goes in there.
- Yeah.

No, it's not going in.

- It's upside down.
- [Norm] It's not.

- Rotate it. It's gonna fit.
- The little part's on the top.

- That corner works.
- Doesn't matter. Here's the point.

You two, you gotta stop pretending
like you don't fit together.

- Give me.
- Sure.

- No, the ball. The ball.
- Here you go.

Listen, we're gonna do
a couple one-on-ones

just to work it out.

Travis, you and Dyson, let's go.

[players clapping]

[tense music playing]

Check.

Check.

Come on, man.
Let's squash this, all right?

f*ck this sh*t.

[players] Oh!

Whoa. Whoa!

- Break it up.
- [Ness] Hey, hey, hey! Whoa!

- [whistle blowing]
- Hey! Whoa!

- My new jaw! Come on.
- [whistle malfunctioning]

[Ness grunts]

We need new whistles, man.

You guys cannot be fighting at practice.

How did it come to this?

I told Dyson this would happen,
but what do I know?

- I've only been in the league 16 years.
- I haven't done anything wrong.

I was up-front with Travis
about everything, and he said it was fine.

[scoffs] Bro, and you believed me?

I lie about everything except my sobriety
'cause that requires rigorous honesty.

Guys, what's it gonna take
to squash the beef, huh?

Let's not forget you both promised
to do my skit for the Jumbotron.

Which, by the way, Marcus,
would love to get you in one of those.

Who is this guy?

Travis, how long
are you gonna hold this grudge for?

Look, no one loves Black love
more than me.

All right? I get in trouble
for how much I love it,

but I really like Zoé.

Her show helped me get through rehab.

I brought her
to the locker room first, so I had dibs.

Told ya.

Whoa, you got dibs? Dyson, not cool.

- Thank you.
- All right. All right.

Not that I condone
calling dibs on any woman,

but Dyson, could you at least apologize
for your role in this mess?

I already did. He's being a baby.

[scoffs] I'm not a baby, but you're about
to get your a*s whooped by a baby.

- Are you a baby or not?
- Whoa, whoa!

- I can't believe I let you look up to me.
- I never looked up to you.

[inhales deeply]

[quietly] And that's the problem.

Benedict Ronald.

Travis.

[Ness] He means Benedict Arnold.

I tried,

but he's crazy.

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[woman] You did not.

No way. No way! You're kidding me.

[Sandy] What the--

- [director] Cut!
- Who the hell is this guy?

- You ruined our shot.
- [Sandy] I di...

I'm sorry, Ms. Rinna.

- You're not supposed to leave background--
- This is my house. What is happening?

Oh my God, I'm sorry.
This is my boyfriend. I will handle this.

[whispering] Come here.

Oh.

Why is Lisa Rinna in our living room?

Okay, babe, it's the craziest thing.

It turns out
the background gig I was called in for

was for Lisa's reality show, Rinna-ssance.

She might put a colon after it and say,
"Own it, baby," which is her catchphrase.

I know her catchphrase.
What is she doing in my house?

I was playing a server
at her dinner party,

and somebody dropped a drink,
and I yelled, "Leave it down!"

She laughed so hard
and Taft Hartley'd me to a speaking role.

I said, "Throw a mic on this man
immediately." [laughs]

We tried to get that line again,
but we couldn't quite recapture the magic.

- My fault.
- But I knew there was something special

about my Char Char Binks.

My new favorite g*y. [laughs]

She wants to add me to the cast.

- We have to sh**t things in the house.
- Yeah.

Great.

- Ms. Rinna, big fan...
- Thank you.

...but could we have a moment here,
just the two of us?

Of course. I get it.

I don't really. I can't relate
'cause Harry Hamlin and I don't fight.

- I know. I know.
- [Rinna chuckles] Yeah.

- This is insane.
- I know.

There are porta-potties
blocking Channing Tatum's driveway.

I know, but they said
it's just for today, okay?

Please, Sandy, I need this.

Please, please, please, please.

- Okay.
- [exhales] Oh, thank you.

I will just be in my bedroom...

[sighs] ...watching Andor.

Actually, that's where video village is.
Andy Cohen's chair is in there.

Andy Cohen is here?

Well, no,
but they have to have a chair for him.

All right, man.
We gotta clear the set. Come on.

Ow. Okay, I'm... I'm going. I'm going.

[gentle music playing]

Pretty much the worst way
this season could've started,

and you-know-who isn't there
to help me fix this mess.

No, she's in Toronto
with her new Canadian friends,

like Martin Short and... and Steve Martin
and... and Chevy Chase.

Those are the Three Amigos,
and only one of them is from Canada.

What am I gonna do?

Couldn't Zoé just at least be a real twin
so that Travis could date one of them?

Okay.

Hey. [exhales deeply]

Do you remember when we first met?

Vaguely.

- I mean, you know I was drunk.
- We all were.

It was the Saddle Ranch.
I had just broken up with my ex, Rachel.

I was heartbroken, and then I saw you

and your beautiful blonde hair,
mo-- most of it yours,

flowing through the air as you were thrown
from the mechanical bull,

and after I helped you
put your top back on,

it was instant sparks.

Okay, I never thought
about Rachel ever again.

Okay, but what dumb psycho
is gonna date Travis?

That is what I'm trying to tell you.

Look...

[sentimental music playing]

...there is someone out there
for everyone, even Travis,

and that someone for me... is Daft Punk.

[Isla gasps, laughs]

[sentimental music transitions
to upbeat music]

[groans] Do you have a tampon?

- Uh, what?
- Oh God, I'm sorry.

I... I... It's a force of habit.
Ali always had them.

Well, I don't,
but I'm gonna go get you one.

Do you have any preferred tampon spots?

Don't you have a girlfriend?

- Oh!
- Ow!

- What the...?
- [woman laughs]

Oops.

Oh my God, I forgot
I let Brielle Mande work out here.

She's still not allowed to work out
at her team's facility

because she's deranged.

We're not even near the basket.
I think she threw that at me.

Hey.

You know I did you a favor
by letting you work out here.

Chill, girl. I said, "Oops."
You on your period or something?

She actually is. Do you have a tampon?

Jackie, can you go now, please?

[Brielle laughs]

Damn, you look so stressed.
Can't a rich b*tch afford Botox?

I will have you know I do plenty of Botox.

Okay? My body just metabolizes it
very quickly.

You eat Botox?

What? Are you insane?

[gasps] Wait.

[pensive music playing]

- Are you single?
- Girl, I am not g*y.

I mean, the rest of my teammates are,

and I was from the age of 19
to last month,

but I... I'm not feeling you.

I'm not asking you out.

I just wanna try
something with you on camera.

- What?
- It's... it's not sexual.

I thought it would be cool
if we did a little video

and I played it on the Jumbotron
at the games.

No. Mm-mm-mm. No.

I'm not doing some busted-a*s comedy skit
with a nobody.

[scoffs] With a nobody?

Like I wanna be seen with your wish.com
Jack Harlow a*s. [scoffs]

- Jackie, tell them your idea.
- Oh. Okay.

It's basically charades.

No, I'm not playing charades
with this white boy.

Who you calling white?

Also, wh... what's charades?

No, this h*nky's never heard of charades.

Wait. Stop it. Stop it.

You're both white,
and charades is actually a fun game,

so let's just try one and loosen up.

Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you? [scoffs]

This wild h*'s been trying
to get with me all day.

- [scoffs]
- No way.

She tried to get with me too.

- Yo, for real?
- Yeah. [scoffs]

- This wild h* is crazy.
- [Travis laughs]

- She is a wild h*.
- Yeah.

[both laugh]

[mocking] I'm Isla Gordon.

[mocking] I'm the big boss lady.

[both laughing]

Glad you're having fun.

Jackie, they're all yours.

- [knocking on door]
- How are things going?

- Hey.
- Getting acclimated?

Yep. It is amazing
how quiet it is in here.

Oh, yeah.

There's a special bond in a workplace.
Everyone can hear each other's heartbeat.

Yeah. Gil from accounting says
I might have a murmur.

- Oh, dear.
- Anyway.

I put together a pitch deck

of my ideas for increasing revenue
with some product integration

and some fun events
for season ticket holders.

Yeah, awesome.

Hey, uh, I meant to ask you,

what was it like when you told the Gordons
you were leaving?

It... [scoffs]

It sucked, to be honest.

Did they freak out?
I bet Cam was so upset.

[chuckles lightly]

And what about Isla?
She probably cried, right?

No, she's... she's more of a yeller.
I mean, it... it definitely came as a shock.

Oh, man. [chuckles]

- [phone vibrating]
- Do you wanna take a look at this?

Oh no, I gotta go. There's a lockdown
at my daughter's school.

Oh my God, is everything okay?

Just a small bear.

Luanne, have them warm up my car, please.

Uh... [sighs]

[gentle music playing]

Why are we just hovering in a tunnel?

You can go to your seat.

- I'm waiting for Jackie.
- What?

Yo, Isla, thanks for the tickets.

- You're very welcome, Brielle.
- I didn't know I'd be front row.

- Should I have worn underwear?
- Yes. No matter what row, yes.

- Cool, good tip.
- Yeah.

[phone beeps, vibrates]

Oh, Charli XCX is here.

We gotta make sure
she has passes to the lounge.

What? I can't hear you
because of my chin brace.

Charli XCX arrived.

Charlie Rose died?

Oh, no.

I got your tampons.

I didn't know your size,
so I... I just guessed large.

- Oh, you're on your period.
- God, stop it!

Just...

[gentle music continues]

Oh, look who showed up.

[Marcus snickers]

She hates my a*s.

I'm into it. [exhales]

[announcer] Let's play charades!

Uh...

What the f*** are you doing?

Orange. Pokémon.

Hat. Top hat. Top hat!

It's f***ing popcorn.

- [Brielle] You're not--
- [Travis] The category is food.

- God d*****! ****!
- How many other f***ing foods can it be?

[Travis] All right, next word.

- [applause]
- [buzzer sounds]

[Norm] Three-two. Three-two.

[announcer] LA has been locked in tonight
as Gibbs gets another steal.

Waves on the attack.

Bugg to Gibbs.

- Slam dunk!
- [whistle blowing]

Timeout Milwaukee after
a thunderous alley-oop from Bugg to Dyson.

Nice.

[announcer] That's Travis Bugg's


It's the puzzle. That works every time.

No, I fixed it, Norm.

Never fails.

- [loudly] I just met Charli XCX.
- Oh!

- I told her about Charlie Rose.
- [Isla sighs]

She's devastated.

Oh God, Ness,
you don't need to talk so loud.

[loudly] What?

[rap music playing]

♪ I'm coming for the crowd
It's a shutdown ♪

- Hey.
- Hi.

You need anything else?

Nope, I'm good.
Great job on the Jumbotron tonight.

Oh, thanks.
I'm actually working on a new idea.

It's like charades, but you have
to describe the words with pictures.

Oh, so Pictionary?

Man!

Hey, first win of the season.
You want a beer?

No, I'm meeting up with Sofia,
but you have a good night.

All right. See ya, Jackie.

["Miss Me" by Stereo League playing]

♪ Yeah, ooh ♪

♪ I've been afraid
To ask you to come back to the city ♪

[Isla exhales deeply]

♪ I know it's not looking good... ♪

[TV announcer] Toronto beat Orlando,


and LA got their first win of the season
over Milwaukee, 99-85.

♪ Just give me some time ♪

♪ Just give me some time ♪

♪ Why don't you miss me? ♪

[wind blowing]

♪ Why don't you miss me? ♪

♪ Why don't you miss me? ♪

♪ Winter's coming
I bet it's tough in the country ♪

♪ It's getting cold and dark ♪

♪ So, baby, don’t you want me ♪

- ♪ I can’t be trusted when I'm all alone ♪
- ♪ When I'm all alone ♪

♪ When all you give me is a telephone ♪

- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ I think it's time to come home ♪

♪ Come back
Come back home ♪

♪ Now I know that
You need someone to love you ♪

- ♪ But I need something tonight ♪
- ♪ I need ♪

♪ Don’t hide away
That love light shining above you ♪

♪ Just give me some time ♪