01x04 - Girlfriend

[bunniefuu]

Something is troubling Joe.

Things at O'Malley Secondary
were changing somehow.

Something seemed... different.

Joe can't quite
put his finger on it.

What's... that?

Pete and Charlotte George.
They're going out.

Going out where?

Going "OUT".
You know, like me and Marianne.

Who? What?!

Marianne.

You know, from Kite Club!

Her sister told my cousin
she fancies me

so now we're kind of a thing.

Pretty serious.

You know, you should really
think about getting one.

- A kite?
- No!

A girlfriend.
Everyone's got one.

And right then, it
hits him. Like a ton of bricks.

Joe Connolly might be
the only boy

at O'Malley Secondary School
who has yet to find love.


Joe Connolly is the only pupil

at O'Malley Secondary School
yet to find love,

and the future looks troubling.

Joe would never be able to join
Kite Club without a partner.

When Earth's natural resources
run out and they're forced

to populate another planet,
there'd be no room

for Joe on the mothership.

Couples only.

If Joe somehow survives,

he couldn't fight the monsters
without a co-pilot.

I heard if you don't have
a girlfriend

by the time you're


- What falls off?
- IT!

Today is the day
Joe Connolly gets a girlfriend.

I have an announcement to make.

Today is the day
Joe Connolly gets a girlfriend.

Oooh!

Joe has done many things
in his life

but never before
has he fancied anyone.

- Who is it?
- Oh, erm...

Ehh...

Joe has not thought
this far ahead.

He could fancy Selma Javid.

She's top in Biology,

loves animals
but is allergic to Ragdoll cats.

They'd go on spectacular dates,
feeding ducks in the park.

Oh, ducks!

Joe would propose
in the most romantic fashion,

using his new-found power
of telekinesis.

Baa!

She would help Joe
achieve his lifelong ambition

of exploring space, and together
they'd go on interplanetary--

Agh! A Ragdoll!

Sir, can I have a tissue please?

Too high maintenance.

Lucy Voight.
Seems lovely

in almost every conceivable way,
and is passionate

about colourful hairbands
and smelly pens.

Mmm! Watermelon.

Her and Joe have excellent
repartee every Chemistry lesson.

- Hi!
- Alright?

One time,
Joe lent her his ruler...

..but she forgot
to give it back.

Good manners cost nothing
and that ruler was 50p.

Stevie Walsh.
Goalkeeper of the hockey team.

Strong and independent,
if sometimes a little scary.

Tanya Crew.
Spat out an entire yoghurt

in German whilst laughing.

Kayla Madani.
Told everyone Joe has 14 toes.

Layla Simmonds.
Says all boys are numpties.

Charlotte George.
Already going out--

Leah Goldstein...
Mila Gomez...

Ruby Jefferies... Poppy Atkin...

Hope quickly turns to despair,

as Joe wonders if anyone
would be perfect.

Hot Molly.

Hot Molly?!

I fancy Hot Molly.

Whoa!

Hot Molly... in the French class
fit list, she had come top

an unprecedented
three Wednesdays in a row.

Popular and cool for reasons Joe
couldn't begin to understand,

at least 10 other pupils
fancy her. She's perfect.

I think I love her.

Whoa.
You should tell her!

Frisbo was right.
He SHOULD tell her.

Or at least send Frisbo
to do it for him.

A love letter. The written word.
Joe digs deep

and pours his heart and soul
onto the page.

It's perfect.

How could any girl resist?

Will you go out with me?

Oh. I already asked her.

No! No! No! No! No! No!

- Why would you do that?
- You said you fancied her!

Any chance Joe has of true love
is slowly crumbling before--

She said yes.

Oh... great!

Joe Connolly has a girlfriend,

and will live
happily ever after.

Oi! You've got to meet
behind the bike sheds.

What?

Hot Molly says so.

Now?

Tsk! At break.

What for?

Tsk! What do you think?

Joe has not thought
this far ahead.

I have not thought
this far ahead.

That's what I heard she did with
Dean Jackson's brother.

I'm going to have to do that?
With her? Now?

I wouldn't think so but it is...

Hot Molly.

- Hot Molly's ready for you now.
- And Joe is ready for her.

Come on! Go on! Go!

This is it.
Joe has wanted a girlfriend

since morning registration.

And now, finally, here she is.

Standing in front of him.
The love of his life.

Kiss her!

Kiss her!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Under such
intense circumstances,

Joe knows his
next move is crucial.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss...

Hot Molly says you're dumped.

Joe Connolly HAD a girlfriend.

His one true love. But now...

..he is all alone.

Again.

] Oi, mate!

Couples only.

Two whole lessons
since the break-up,

Joe's heart still hasn't mended.

You're not STILL upset
about Hot Molly, are ya?

And Joe is certain
that it never will.

You know what they say - plenty
more frogs out there to kiss.

Or, NOT kiss, in your case.

That's easy for you.

You've got Charlotte George.

Who?

Oh, we broke up in History.

- You broke up?
- Yeah.

Fancied bein'
a single man again for a bit.

Plus, she dumped him

Girlfriends... Who needs 'em?

Yeah.

Joe Connolly breathes
a sigh of relief.

Yeah, not me!

Mere moments
after making this statement

he realises it's the truth.

- Me either!
- What about..?

Oh, Miriam? Oh yeah, me and her
are still an item, obviously!

Wasn't her name Marianne?

Was it?

It's just sometimes
I call her different names!

Joe is happy.
Safe in the knowledge

that nothing will change.
Everything is back to normal.

Just him and--

Whoa!

Who's Lily?